Last time on, With a Side of Oden:
Yamato looked at the 45-degree angle stance Jango was sustaining over Kuro's crumpled body.
"Hmmm… that feels somehow familiar…"
Meanwhile, on a galleon surrounded by mist:
"I feel like someone is stealing my shtick," Brook growled, facing East.
Meanwhile, on the revolutionary army base:
"I feel like someone is stealing my shtick," Dragon growled under his breath, glaring towards East.
Usopp turned to look at Nami.
"What?" the navigator hissed, glaring back.
"What!?"
000
Kaya looked down at the flag Luffy passed to her, still reeling from all that happened. "Did-did they tell you why?"
Luffy scratched his cheek, looking at Nami to explain.
His navigator shrugged with a blush. "Pirates don't need much of a reason, right?"
"Why would a pirate go undercover for three years, though?" Merry asked, still lost in the details. "Doesn't make sense."
"Shamone!"
Everyone in the group turned to Jango, the tied-up hypnotist waking up from his concussion with a shrill exclamation.
"Got something to say?" Nami growled, unhappy that the pirate had managed to wake up at all. "Why did you all do any of this?"
Jango scanned the room, eyes locked onto Yamato, gripping her Kanabō, and gulped. "Captain wanted to be in the mistress's will!"
Kaya blushed, hiding herself behind Usopp. "That pervert!"
Usopp blinked before blushing as well. "That creep!"
Nami blinked, looking at Zoro. "...I'm not dumb enough to understand this. Explain."
Zoro shrugged, looking towards the bottle of wine on the table like it owed him money.
"He wanted to marry Kaya for money!?" Merry barked, one hand over his mouth like he was about to throw up. "That sick fuck!"
Nami dry-heaved, "Oh god, I just imagined that. Oh, I'm gonna be sick."
Yamato and Luffy tilted their heads a collective 90 degrees.
"Ok, but why did he have golden turds on his tux?" the massive woman asked.
"I don't know~" Jango sang.
"Can we leave now?" Luffy grumbled.
"Yes!" his crew screamed back.
"Ugh, I can't believe I hit that pedo with my mace," Yamato groaned, still scrubbing the metal. "You never told me you dealt with a bastard like him!"
"We didn't know!" Nami barked, then calmed down. "I mean, probably. I would've said something if I knew."
"Wait, what are they talking about?" Usopp whispered, leaning against Luffy. "Didn't we just learn that?"
"Oh, Yamato's from the future," Luffy stated, impossibly casual, a pinky up his nose. "Didn't you know?"
"She's what!?" Usopp screeched.
Luffy wiped the booger on Usopp and turned around. "Well, we need something!"
"Training?" Zoro asked, holding a bottle of wine.
"Money?" Nami offered.
"Sanity?!" Usopp cried.
"A Jolly Roger!" Luffy announced, rushing into the hold.
"Ahaha! I can't wait!" Yamato bounced, shaking Merry a little in the process.
Nami sweat-dropped. "Wait, don't you already know what it's gonna be?"
Yamato crossed her arms with a pout. "You're ruining my fun Nami!"
"Wait, wait, wait!" Usopp announced, slapping the air. "I thought you were smart, Nami! Did you really buy into her lie?"
Yamato pouted harder. "Samurai don't lie!"
"The hell is a samurai!" Usopp screeched.
Luffy slammed the door to the kitchen open, the wood crashing into Usopp and flattening him against the wall. "Ah, my bad Usopp…"
Usopp wheezed in pain. And crumbled onto the floor.
"Anyway! This is our flag!" Luffy announced, lifting a…
Scribble up for all to see.
"It's amazing!" Yamato cheered. "You really captured your adventurous spirit!"
Nami blinked and glared at Yamato. "Are-are you just saying that? It looks terrible." A beat passed.
"Wait a minute! Are you saying that to get in Luffy's pants!?" Nami accused, stepping forward and jabbing a finger against Yamato's chest. "Did you get back to the past to steal my husband!?"
"You're not married," Zoro interjected, snickering.
"Shut up, Lost Mossball!" Nami shrieked back.
"He's our Husband!" Yamato confessed, her fists balled, pouting. "We're married too!"
"LIES!" Nami growled.
Usopp blinked, slowly getting to his feet and shaking off the concussion. "What's going on?"
"They are torn over my artistic skill…" Luffy sniffled, turning to show his flag to Usopp. "My art was too controversial."
"I'm proud of you." Usopp huffed, holding onto Luffy's shoulders and nodding with pride.
"And… he's married to Boa Hancock too?" Nami muttered, blinking slowly. "H-how, I thought she hated men."
"She loves Luffy, though," Yamato mumbled, spinning her Kanabō on its side over the deck. "Begged to get married to him."
Meanwhile, with da boiz:
"Ok now, this is better for general audiences," Usopp announced. He lifted a Jolly Roger depicting a skull wearing a straw hat up for the rest of the crew to see.
"I think the other one sparked more fear in the hearts of our enemies," Zoro grumbled.
"Everyone's a critic." Usopp sniffled.
"Well, I like it!" Luffy announced with a wide smile. "Where are we headed anyway?"
"I'm keeping track." Zoro hummed, taking another swing of wine.
"Ok, good! Usopp, paint the sail too!" Luffy ordered, walking off. "I'm gonna go play with the cannon."
"Hancock begged?" Nami whispered.
"I mean, after she demanded a duel to the death for his hand, yeah," Yamato grumbled. "Luffy didn't want that, and you demanded him to marry her too after that."
Nami blushed. "I'm… still surprised he-" she gestured at Luffy messing around with a cannon on the deck, "-managed to get a lover, let alone… did you say four?"
"I never actually counted…" Yamato admitted, pulling her hand up and starting to count off with her fingers.
Nami's eyes widened as she filled one hand and passed to the other.
"Oh my god, he's a manwhore."
"Oh no, that's…" Yamato stopped herself with a hand over her mouth. "Ah, that's a spoiler."
Nami blinked widely.
"Anyway…" Yamato hummed, then noticed she had used the hand she was counting to silence herself. "Dammit, I lost count…" she whined, starting again.
The cannon Luffy was messing with set off, its load splashing in the water a few paces away from a rock formation.
"Dammit. I lost count again!" Yamato growled, starting over.
Usopp manned the cannon.
"Goddammit!"
At this point, Nami didn't even wanna know, and she was grateful when the next interruption came in the form of someone scaling the Merry to attack them.
"Ok, so, that's scurvy." Nami hummed, glaring at the wheezing form of Yosaku. "Did you stop eating fruits or somethin'?"
"Men don't need no fruits!" Johnny proclaimed.
Nami slapped him across his face. "I have enough idiots on board."
"Yeah!" Luffy announced, puffing his chest with pride.
"You're one of them." Nami groaned.
"And you love me!"
Nami turned to face him with a massive blush. "Wh-when did you…"
Luffy gave her a wide smirk. "Your blush is cute!"
Nami screamed as she woke up from her nap.
"Oh," she breathed, a little calmer. "Was just a dream."
"Morning!" Luffy cheered, and Nami punched him in the head in reflex.
"Ow! Your fist of Love hurts so bad, Nami!" Luffy whined, holding his head.
"Stop calling it that!" She hissed, blushing again. "We're still headed to the Baratie, right?"
"Yeah, Zoro's been keeping track of our heading." Luffy hummed, resting his crossed arms on the empty lounge chair next to Nami's.
Nami nodded, stretching like a cat in hers. "Good."
She paused. Something about that was wrong, but she couldn't tell what that was.
"Wait, did you say Zoro was checking our heading?"
Luffy nodded.
Nami wanted to scream.
She did scream when she saw Cocoyashi on the Horizon.
"HOW!?" She screamed, causing more of their crew to fill the upper deck. "HOW are we even HERE!?"
Everyone shared a confused look.
Zoro shrugged. "Look, I just took us right, left, then right."
"I-" Nami pinched the bridge of her nose. "Why? We were headed straight to the Baratie?"
Zoro smirked. "I knew a shortcut."
"YOU JUST LEARNED WHERE BARATIE WAS TODAY!"
"It was a gut feeling." Zoro hummed.
Nami just slumped, looking at the deck. "I'm… not even gonna ask how you got us here so fast."
"what's that supposed to mean?" Luffy mumbled, picking at his ear.
"Somehow? A day of sailing the other way," Nami grumbled. "We're nearing Cocoyashi, my home island."
"Cool!" Luffy chirped with a smile. "...but didn't you only nap for an hour?"
"I know!" Nami barked, glaring back up at Zoro. "The hell did you do?"
Zoro shrugged.
"No one let him touch the helm ever again!" Nami ordered, looking at the crew rubbing her eyebrows. "Ok… ok…"
"Oh no, Bro. Isn't Cocoyashi Arlong's territory!?" Johnny paled, taking a few steps back. "Bros, we gotta run! Arlong will kill and eat us!"
"First a pedo, and now a cannibal…" Usopp mumbled, shivering. "The ocean's full of freaks."
That's when Moo-Moo swam to the surface, the massive cow-SeaKing roaring as it glared down to the Merry.
Nami and Usopp screamed, hiding behind Luffy and Zoro, respectively.
Yamato rolled her eyes. "What's a baby Sea King doing here?"
"BABY!?" Usopp and Nami shrieked.
Moo-Moo got offended, deciding to attack the ship.
After a fight P.E.T.A. demanded to be cut; the Merry was strapped to Moo-Moo's horns with long ropes, the SeaKing streaking towards Cocoyashi. Yamato and Luffy had ended up riding on their newly acquired booster engine's head, laughing their lungs out.
Nami was sobbing against the mast, Usopp still hiding behind the sleeping form of Zoro. "Why are we getting there even faster!?"
"It's fine!" Luffy screamed back, smiling at one of his supposed future wives. "I promised I would save your village, didn't I?"
"I didn't mean now when I agreed to that!" Nami screamed back. "I'm not ready emotionally!"
"C'mon, it'll be like a bandaid!" Luffy chuckled, jumping from the SeaKing back to the Merry, giving Nami a hand to help her stand.
Nami looked at his hand, then up to his face. "Why are you doing this, anyway? It's my burden alone."
Luffy tilted his head.
"You shouldn't have to do this," Nami explained, looking away.
"Stupid," Luffy said, blowing a raspberry. "I'd go to hell and back for you."
"He would!" Yamato said from the back of Moo-Moo. "Or—will? I'm not sure."
Nami blushed again, reached out, and grabbed Luffy's hand. "Fine…"
"But leave the navigation to me next time, ok?"
Luffy smirked.
Meanwhile, in Arlong Park:
"Did you pack the money for that rat?" Arlong hissed, grumpy over having to part with some of his hoard. "He's coming soon."
Choo nodded. "We got Nezumi's payment ready."
"Hey guys, have you seen Moo-Moo?" Hatchan asked, oblivious as ever.
"No, Hatchan. I haven't seen the SeaKing. I've been on land since this morning," Arlong growled, pinching his temples. "And last I checked, SeaKings don't go on land!"
Meanwhile, on the other side of the Island:
"Slow down, you damn baby!" Yamato screamed to deaf ears as Moo-Moo continued its hectic swim, crashing into the beach and was sent flying, pulling Merry along for the airborne voyage.
Luffy screamed in joy and Nami in fear as she clung to the man for dear life. Zoro was still sleeping, even as Usopp shook the daylights out of him in terror.
Johnny and Yosaku had jumped ship a nautical mile away.
Yamato landed first, turned around, and panicked, running around and trying to see where the ship would land.
Bracing for impact, she got under the Merry before the ship crashed onto the same rock outcropping Moo-Moo had landed in, catching her with a heavy grunt as she spread her Haki over the hull to fortify it again. "Oh jeez, you're heavy, Merry."
The ship groaned in protest, splattering water over her.
Her impressive catch, however, hadn't protected Merry's passengers. Nami and Luffy had flown off the forecastle, the rubber captain bouncing against the rocks and pinging off somewhere, the navigator still clinging onto her captain for dear life. Zoro and Usopp had ended up crashing into the forecastle, both men falling through and into their hammocks.
"Everyone ok in there?" Yamato asked, sweat running down her temple.
"We're aliiiiive" Usopp whimpered, before passing out.
"That was a nice nap." Zoro yawned, somehow unaware.
Yamato sighed in relief, almost dropping the ship down. "Zoro, can you help me carry the Merry to shore?"
Zoro yawned again. "Sure."
The swordsman blinked "...wait what?"
Nami panted, her breath heavy in her chest, as she gazed down at Luffy, sweat running down her frame. "That was… breath-taking."
Luffy nodded with a wide grin. "Didn't know I could bounce that much!"
Nojiko opened the door of their house and paled at the sight. "Sis, what the fuck?"
Nami slowly turned to look at her sister. "Oh hey, Nojiko."
She paused and looked down to see that she was straddling Luffy, both of them disheveled from their rough crash-landing. He'd managed to take the brunt of every bounce they had on their way. But that didn't really matter now.
She blushed and punched him away, scampering off his body. "It's not what it looks like!"
Nojiko rolled her eyes. "Sure. Didn't Genzo make you promise to wait until marriage?"
"We are married, though," Luffy grumbled, rubbing his head. "Fist of love hurts…"
"We're not married yet!" Nami roared.
Nojiko smirked. "Yet?"
"God! DAMMIT!"
Meanwhile, in the Sky:
"Someone keeps cursing me," Enel grumbled, annoyed.
"Maybe you should give them divine punishment, my liege." one of his retainers offered, bowing deeply.
Enel still shocked the man. No one told God what to do.
"I can sense the curses but can't feel the source," he grumbled, munching on a banana. "Whatever, can't be that important."
"Your husband from the future?" Nojiko mumbled, tapping her teacup. "Sis, did you hit your head?"
"No, no, he's current," Nami explained again. "We got a… wife?"
She looked at Luffy for confirmation.
The man smiled back blankly, not helping her at all in the conversation.
"Wife. Who traveled back in time. She's the one who told us we would get married." Nami continued, understanding that she was alone in this.
Nojiko blinked. "Aren't you supposed to be the one that takes people for a ride? Not the other way around?"
"Oh! I'd like a ride!" Luffy said giddily.
Nami turned and blinked at the man.
Nojiko broke out into laughter.
"Not that kind of ride, Luffy."
The rubber captain wilted with an 'aw.'
Nami turned to the snickering Nojiko, "he didn't mean that kind of ride either." she hissed, blushing.
"Ok, maybe this wife of yours might be onto something." Nojiko giggled, waving her hand dispelling Nami's objection. "You two do make a good couple."
Nami blushed harder.
"Wait. weren't we supposed to go beat up Allwrong?" Luffy asked, tilting his head.
"Oh right…" Nami hummed, nodding slowly.
Nojiko looked at the two. "...are you sure you didn't get like- concussions? This is Arlong we're talking about."
"Yeah, that bitch." Luffy announced, bouncing to his feet. "Imma go snap his schnozz."
"Shouldn't we go find the others first?" Nami asked, getting to her feet.
"I'm sure they'll find their way there."
Meanwhile:
"Which way is the ocean again?" Yamato asked, looking around as she lifted Merry's aft up to her chest. Zoro managed to hold her bow above his head in front of the Oni-woman.
"Left," the swordsman announced, turning right.
Usopp was still unconscious, tangled in his hammock, unable to help.
Still not knowing better, Yamato followed his lead.
"No, Hatchan, for the last time." Arlong hissed, his hand crunching the armrest of his throne. "I've not seen Moo-Moo!"
The gate to Arlong Park shuddered with a massive smash.
"Oh, what now?" Arlong grumbled before turning to see the dent in the steel.
A moment later, the heavy steel door was kicked down, flying into him and sending him crashing down into his tower.
Luffy roared with a wordless battle cry. "Which one of you is Oblong!?"
The fishmen pirates blinked at the human, then to where Arlong was sitting a moment ago.
Arlong tossed the door off him with a roar. "Who's asking!?"
"Monkey D. Luffy!" Luffy answered as he rushed up close, his arms stretching as he gripped the gate he'd busted the door off.
"Nami's husband," he announced as he let his hands go. An overcharged Gum-Gum Bazooka caught Arlong in the chest and sent him through the building behind him.
The Fishman pirates blinked at the sight, then turned to Nami. She waved with an evil smirk on her face.
Hatchan closed the gap, setting off a party popper. "Congrats, Nami!"
"Oh, you should probably duck," Nami told the octopus fishman, just as Luffy set off a Gum-Gum Whip, his rubberized leg shooting out in a circle and catching all of the fishmen in the ribs, sending them careening into Arlong Tower as well.
"Oh, he's strong too." Hatchan nodded, approving of his friend's significant other. "So, where did you meet?"
"Oh, you know…"
Arlong panted, shoving his way through his unconscious men and grabbing his Kiribachi on his way out of his tower. "You worthless scum." he hissed, glaring a hole through Luffy. "You think you can win with a bunch of sucker punches? All humans are like you! All a buncha damn cowards!"
Luffy tilted his head. "...I'm like- a pirate, did you think I'd fight fair?"
"Shut up, human scum! I'll show you the—" Arlong paused in his boasting, double-taking before turning to the gate. "I…is that a ship?"
Nami flinched and turned too, seeing Zoro and Yamato lug the Merry down the path. "Oh, what the hell!"
"See! It's the ocean!" Zoro smirked, picking up his pace. "And you said we were lost!"
"Do you fucking think I'm a joke!?" Arlong growled, his knuckles cracking as he gripped his blade tighter. "I'm gonna enjoy tearing you all limb from limb!"
Luffy punched the sharkman in the balls, causing the man to double over in pain. "You talk too much!"
"I'm- I'm gonna kill you last, you piece of shit…" Arlong wheezed between groans of pain.
That's when Yamato caught sight of the man. "Oh my god, that's Arlong!?" her face scrunched, and she lost a little bit of her grip, causing Zoro to groan and overcorrect.
This, in turn, caused Usopp's cannon shot to go wide and strike true on the Arlong Tower instead of the original target: Arlong himself.
"He looks nothing like Shyarly!" Yamato continued, getting her grip back, unfazed even as the tower started crumbling.
"...wait," Nami hummed, pinching her chin. "Isn't that one of Luffy's wives?"
Arlongs eyes snapped open, adrenaline managing to overpower the pain in his balls. "You bedded my baby sister!?"
"Am gonna," Luffy answered. "Whatcha gonna do 'bout it?"
Arlong roared, aiming to strangle his would-be brother-in-law.
"Woah! Yamato to the right! Right!"
But before Arlong could attempt fratricide, the haki-infused wood of Merry crashed onto the side of his head, crushing his nose and teeth. Zoro couldn't hold onto the out-of-control ship and let go, and the Merry pulled Arlong down as she fell. Her hull dragged over the fishman and crushed him completely on her way into the water as Yamato kept pushing, managing to guide the Straw-hat's ship into the water with a massive splash.
Arlong wheezed, indented into the concrete, and bleeding profusely.
"No, seriously. How does he share genes with Shyarly?" Yamato asked, panting a little before taking a step back, accidentally stepping on Arlong's crotch.
The sharkman couldn't even scream in pain before he passed out.
"...Ewww…"
