I looked at Izuku.
The green bean looked back at me, and I smiled.
"We did it, home dog. You and me, bud."
"Y–yeah…" Izuku mumbled, a quiet smile on his face. It was adorable. Like a puppy. "I didn't actually think Endeavor would agree, though…"
"What did I tell you? Alphas recognize other alphas, Izuku."
"What?"
I pinched my nose. Nearly two hundred years of memes and culture separated me and Izuku, no matter how much I tried to condition him to be the perfect friend.
Calling him a full-time FIFA gamer wouldn't cut it out anymore. I had several other insults, but I'm sure that they'd get me canceled and censored by this website. Damm CCP spies, everywhere.
"Izuku, do you know what a wife-beater is?"
"W–wife beater!?"
"Not like that, Izuku. I got a couple for ol' dumpster fire over there. A thank you gift, if you would." I held up a wrapped package. "Just some sleeveless shirts, workout gear, the like."
"Oh, that's good. I thought for a second…"
"That Endeavor beat his wife?" Oh, you sweet summer child. Not knowing the truth.
Izuku blinked. Then he turned his head away. "Um, I guess…?"
I smiled. "Nah, he doesn't."
My teeth must have been shining.
"Only his kids."
"What." Izuku half-whispered, "Daigo, I don't know if you're lying or…"
"I was just joking, joking." Totally.
"Thank god."
"Can I get me a smoke, brother?"
Izuku ignored me, choosing to head towards the nearest intersection outside the Endeavor agency.
I sighed, and scurried after him. "So, it's around five now. Dude lives nearby, and I think we could visit a little early, you know?"
"Wouldn't that be rude?"
"Endeavor asked us to beat up his son for him. We're doing him a favor."
Izuku glared at me. "Did you text Auntie yet?"
"Nah, I'm going to tell her when we get back. All or nothing, didn't I say?"
He nodded slowly. "I'm telling my mom."
"Sure."
"You don't… care?"
I shrugged, my single wing spreading to its full length. The nearby pedestrians watched, inquisitive eyes pointing right at me.
"You do you, Cloud. I don't mind. Your future is your own. There'll be a day when you have the nest behind, y'know?"
"I'm not your chick."
I gave him a side-eye. "Side-chick, maybe." At his growing poker face, I laughed. "Joking, joking! I Didn't know you swung that way, mate."
"I'm not your mate."
"Of course. You're hideous, you bastard."
He lost his composure then, "Take that back! I'm handsome!"
"Of course," I fired back, "you're the protagonist."
Izuku groaned. I had given him this excuse countless times. It was all too funny, to be honest.
"One day, I promise you, you'll meet All Might, and he'll tell you that you were the chosen one, Izuku. Then you'll face a dastardly evil, born of wicked Dumas references and an edgefest…" I preached, spreading my arms like a true preacher. "You'll smash various babes on your way there, before having your own edge arc, before realizing the true love of your life."
"Who?" Izuku snarked.
"You will end the Cycle of Hatred, and unite the shinobi world. And then you'll kiss Bakugo."
He ignored me. This brat actually ignored me.
God damn. He could end up with fucking Sasuke, and I wouldn't even care. Wait.
…Wasn't Midoriya usually paired with Shoto? Or Shinso, when it was yaoi?
Gods.
There was a reason I didn't read that shit.
All of you Dabi and Hawks fuckers, I'm watching you. If this ship is fucking canon, I'm yeeting myself of a roof. I don't think I can handle a non-psychopathic Dabi, thank you very much.
Zuko didn't really ship with Aang, right?
It was a shame MHA didn't have the ship diversity of some other fandoms… the sheer memes if I dropped shit like White Knight over this doofus's face.
…Didn't that rich girl, Yao-something, fit that trope?
Fricking anime tropes. God, I can't wait to go to America and see all the blonde blue-eyed gym bros and gals. Just imagine the president in this world…
Wait.
I had already searched that up.
John Armstrong.
John fucking Armstrong. A former QB for Texas, took a lawyer position for Lockheed, and then rushed to the senator spot.
I was so getting his autograph.
"You are the Avatar, Izuku. I'm telling you. We will meet your Zuko today."
"500 yen." Izuku declared.
"Yo— excuse me?"
"If your prediction comes true, I'll give you 500 yen." Holy shit, no way.
Well, poor Izuku was going to be left to dry today. "Deal."
"No cap?"
"On god. Cross my heart and hope to die. Like taking candy from a baby, heh."
Izuku rolled his eyes. Suddenly, my phone beeped in my pocket. Quickly reaching inside and flipping it open, I studied the sender.
"Who is it?" Izuku asked.
"It's Free."
"Oh." Izuku looked to the side. "Are you going to ghost him, like usual?"
"Nah, he said to text him when we're done. He'll pick us up today, looks like mom is sick again."
"We could take a train…" Izuku offered, but a wicked smile formed on my face.
"No." I laughed inside. The sheer irony. This would be the moment the trollsdreamed off. "Ni-san will curse the day he decided to pick us up."
"Maybe you should by using his actual name…"
"I didn't ask for your input, Izuku." I quickly looked around the locality. It was all high rise buildings, office complexes and the like. "We'll head towards Endeavor's place on foot, and get something to eat on the way."
"Why?"
"Because Gojo beat Sukana with sweets."
"Then we can give them to Geten-ni!"
"No," I replied, just as quickly, "And don't call him Geten! His name is Free!"
"I don't know where you got that name from…"
"It's none of your business, Cloud."
Izuku crossed the street, and a truck ran him over.
Bliss.
No, that didn't happen. What kind of story would that be, if Izuku died in chapter three? Though he will die, in chapter twenty two, my friends. That's a spoiler, by the way.
Wink, wink.
No, actually.
Geten was an interesting guy, in the sense that we were brothers. We weren't, but I had met him when I was four in a local park.
It was as if fate had smiled on me one last time, before throwing me into the sun.
Geten Himura was a quiet child, but one with unhidden curiosity. He had tried running away from his family numerous times, due to their mistreatment of him — or so he told me, when I asked him if needed help.
I had then promised to 'save him' in exchange for his loyalty. Before Doofenshmirtz got his goofy mitts all over little ice-dude. Cue me taking him home with me, hurriedly explaining the situation to my mom, who oddly enough agreed to take him in.
Adoption did not work like this. This was a kidnapping, according to the law. But somehow mom got a new ID for him, hell, even a birth certificate.
I was sure she was a criminal of some sort. Sure of it.
Maybe that was why she wanted me to be a hero — so I could help her build her criminal empire. Whatever, I didn't care.
I have an older brother, Geten Shirosagi. Who graduated college last year, and has spent most of his days training his meta-ability or bumming in the streets.
He's also a total car jockey, I might add.
Makes quite a killing of races, which convinced Mom to finally give him the cash (illegal?) to buy the Nissan he wanted. Again, I'm sure that Mom was lying to us about something. There's no way she was that loaded, unless she had a sugar daddy.
Also the fake identity thing.
Geten–ni shared my suspicions over the legality of her actions, but was thankful.
When he was leaving for college, he told me something.
"Daigo, I don't know where you learned who I was. But standing here… thank you."
"I'm a time traveler."
"Ah, that makes sense. I suppose I must have become some sort of villain then?"
"... How did you guess?"
He gave me a deadpan stare. "I've seen the anime you watch, Daigo. I've seen your AO3 account. And your Spacebattles one."
I gulped.
"The tags you read: time travel, self-insert, reincarnation… so cliche. Always circling around Naruto time-travel, are you?"
"Hey, " I bit out, "Let me enjoy my life, if I've been given a second chance."
A quiet smile formed on his face. "You thought you could save Obito, though?"
"He's…" An image flashed in my eyes, "Too far gone. Not in my generation, not yet."
"I see."
"He's the villain, if you didn't know."
"And a puppet?"
"Of course."
"... I still can't believe Naruto would say that."
"Hey, he was a damn Uchiha. They had it coming."
Geten rolled his eyes. "Alright then, I guess I'll have to get contacts then."
"Tobirama-style: Uchiha Massacre Jutsu!" I yelled, jumping at him, screaming furiously.
And of course a wall of ice stopped me.
"... if
he's Obito… you're Haku…!"
Suddenly I felt a disturbance in the force.
"What did you
say?!"
Safe to say, Free was a far better nickname for him.
But I had gotten the last words in.
"I only did this because you were cute! I prayed for the fem! Geten rout—urk–"
Yup, he had shoved ice down my throat in pure rage. A real twink, that guy. Like Dabi in all the fanfics. Totally not a nut-job, guys, not a murderer.
Makes me wonder who is worse, a fucking muderer or an abuser.
Ask the average anime fan, and they'll say Itachi.
But anyways, I and Izuku stopped at a Starbucks. There was a KFC, but Izuku hated it, like the demon he was.
Not American enough. I'm shaking my head, if you don't know. Pres Armstong would be disappointed.
Entering, Izuku looked around the place.
"God, even 200 years after… this hellhole is still praying on college brats," I whispered to Izuku. He ignored me, as usual, moving towards the counter.
"Hey, can I have a green tea latte, tall," he ordered, to my shudders.
"A chocolate milk," I said, taking a glance at the filthy caffeine addicts in the room. "Make it two," I hastily added.
Izuku just chuckled. He was more than familiar with my tastes.
"Of course, it's a fucking fanfic… then we'll meet Mind-whipper or something…" I whispered, hugging my milk to my chest.
Dad wasn't the only one who liked to go on milk runs.
Izuku left afterwards, sipping from his green latte. At least he didn't get a boba. God, I hate boba. And K-pop. How can people like that crap? It seemed that every high schooler adored that shit back in the day… sucking those black balls of tapioca.
I'm not a boomer.
I'm just a proud water purist and anti-caffeine freedom fighter. Caffeine takes lives, you know? It's a drug, a stimulant.
"Do you know the address?" Izuku asked, and I nodded.
Japan and its walkability would always stay the same, I suppose. Not to mention the train lines. It was an absolute disappointment in my eyes.
Where was the glorious suburban spread, the beautiful asphalt of the highway for me to kiss?! The long car drives, awkwardly talking to your dad, or mom, or whoever.
Culture shock was real.
Thankfully them liberals hadn't turned America into fucking Germany or anything, with those crazy circles and other nonsense. I had been watching the roads of the United States with great interest.
(If you can't tell I'm being sarcastic, just… please. Don't.)
I rattled off the address, and Izuku punched it into Google Maps. I giggled at that. Even after 200 years, Google lived.
Nothing could defeat it.
It and KFC for that matter.
(We don't talk about Starbucks. Or McDonalds. This is a Burger King House.)
The only thing weird was Google's voice.
It sounded real.
Nearly gave me a heart attack the first time I heard it, but tech has to progress right?
I can't say anything about the trip to Endeavor's place. There were some roads, and we crossed them. We had to stop at a signal now and then, and made some rude jokes.
And no, I won't tell you. Because we're middle schoolers.
I'm not going to lie about this next statement, but…
Have any writers ever been in middle school?
Jeez, back in my day, it was nothing but gay jokes or crude butting around. Completely not PG-13, no matter how much we liked to say it was.
High school was worse (funnier!).
Weed, drugs, teachers, inside jokes, and general mocking.
Seriously, teachers were the major joke back in my old high school. And the principal, who was too rotund to run after the troublemakers.
Good days, really good.
"You have reached your destination, 2345 Eiyuu Way." Izuku's phone shut up after he turned it off, and I looked at the imposing gates.
And proceeded to press the doorbell, to Izuku's exasperation.
"Don't worry, we don't have drugs or a criminal record, Cloud. No Mako this time."
"It's not even five thirty!" Izuku yelled, clearly frustrated by the annoying slowness of the intercom's response.
"Really sad, right? I expected an immediate response."
As if on cue, the thing beeped and a voice droned out from it.
"Please state your names for the system and purpose of entry."
"Daigo Shirosagi."
"Izuku Midoriya."
It flashed red, beeping twice before turning green.
"Recognized. Biometric scan complete."
And then the gate swung open.
Aaaaand…
Me and Izuku walked in.
I immediately whipped out my phone, and clicked the record button.
Izuku let out a horrified gasp.
"Daigo, Daigo! Don—" He rushed towards me, snatching for the phone, but it was too late.
I was in the air, recording the absolute pinnacle of prank videos.
Ones that the Pauls could only be jealous of.
"Yo, yo! All you ladies and gents out there watching this, this is where my main man Endeavor lives!" I flashed a peace-sign to the camera. "Let me give you a tour, with my buddy over here… meet Bats!"
I spun the camera so it faced a gobsmacked Midoriya, who had quickly recollected himself.
"Daigo! Put that down." He hissed, or whispered. Tried too, I could hear it just fine.
"The old dumpster fire's going to be pissed." I giggled in spite of myself. Daigo, you magnificent bastard.
"What dumpster fire?" a voice interrupted our talk.
I choked upon hearing that voice.
It couldn't be…
"スティーブ ?" Izuku asked, choking on his surprise.
As I spun around to face the man of the hour… I stopped.
With spiky white hair, dressed in a white shirt, Natsuo Todoroki stared at us with a horrified expression.
"TheRealDJT?" Natsuo echoed, looking at me, and then back to Izuku, "WarHFan?"
"...I didn't want us to meet like this," I said, "Name's Daigo Shirosagi…"
"And I'm Izuku Midoriya."
Natsuo stared at us for a second. "I'm Natsuo Todoroki," he said, staring at me with a peculiar expression.
"Um, Todoroki–san…"
"Natsuo." The older boy corrected.
"Natsuo! Yeah." Izuku fidgeted, shaking his hands out. "You see, we're here to meet Endeavor… he told us he'd recommend us for the Hero course!"
"Recommend you?" Natsuo repeated. "Recommend you, DJT, the most notorious griefer I've ever known, who told me that he'd 'smashed my mom' — and you, WarFan, the guy who destroyed several servers with your redstone machines!?"
"Hey, that Hearts of Iron wasn't that bad," I defended weakly, "We're friends, dude!"
"You were giggling half the time about 'anime girl' Hitler," Natsuo deadpanned.
"We're real heroes!" Midoriya yelled, "Don't show him our Call of Duty lobby chats!"
"Our moms will kill us," I murmured, eyes wide with fear.
"Oh, I don't care."
"... You don't?" I asked weakly.
Natsuo straightened his back. "Yeah, you guys introduced me to Minecraft. It's the least I can do. Besides, I know you'll give my old man hell."
He shook his head. "I don't know why you had to ask Endeavor, though."
I stared at him.
"I think he's my dad," I said.
Natsuo gave me a look over. "Don't even go there, you idiot."
"Hey, I added you to my Steam Family, you parasite!" I yelled.
He stopped.
Midoriya looked at his back.
"I won't tell him about how you bullied children on Roblox," Natsuo said finally, "But you'll owe me. V-bucks."
I groaned.
Izuku quite near cried.
"Hey. You have your laptop, right?" I asked, "Endeavor isn't going to be back for a while, so…"
"Bet."
We entered the house, and Natsuo sighed.
"My sister isn't home, and my younger brother has locked himself in his room." he picked up his laptop from the kitchen table, and walked to the living room, before reaching behind the TV.
"32K resolution," I whispered, "Do you…?"
"Of course not." Natsuo grunted, flipping open the HDMI cable.
"Todoroki-san, you aren't…?"
"The biometric system registered you, and besides, I know you two idiots. You like to talk a lot but you're softies on the inside."
With a few clicks, the TV now displayed the Windows Logo.
"Ah, a true Microsoft enjoyer. Not like those filthy Macbook users."
Natsuo rolled his eyes at my antics, before side-eyeing Izuku.
"Do you have to deal with him everyday?"
Izuku nodded. "He's a nightmare. Satan himself."
I coughed into my hand. "Anyways, Steve, I got these shirts…"
"For Endeavor?"
I nodded.
"Put them on the table, then."
I followed his instructions, and sat down on the couch.
Natsuo looked at us.
"So, what are we doing…?"
"Watching Avatar, obviously."
"What is Avatar?" Natsuo asked, mildly curious, as he leaned back on the couch. He was more than amused by the reveal of his two online friends, even if they were heroes-in-training.
His old man would only suffer with gremlins like them.
"It's a TV show, before Quirks."
And that's where Endeavor found his son and two new polishers when he came home in a rush of flame—
Watching Aang laugh as he fled from Prince Zuko, with Natsuo's jaw dropping at the similarities between the wielder of flame and his own brother.
Who said this world wasn't a joke?
A/N: スティーブ is Japanese for Steve. The joke is that Natsuo picked the most basic username lol. And as for why Daigo calls Geten Free, it's because Geten has the same voice actor as Free de la Hoya from Beyblade Burst (a lot of Burst references, I know?) in the English Dub. I couldn't unhear it after first hearing it guys, I'm not kidding.
So I had to include Geten into this story, as Daigo's very much calm and chilly elder brother. And parter-in-crime. Don't ask how he ran away, canon doesn't answer that question and neither can I. It's not a plot hole, it's canon compliant. Also, AO3 exists in the future. And Spacebattles.
So of course Geten found Daigo's account on decades old Naruto fics, with time-travel tropes and fix-it plots and self-inserts. And he made a stupid joke. The Obito they're referring too is Tomura, but Kurogiri also fits. I'll add more on their relationship when he comes to pick up our boys and meets Endeavor!
... he's totally not Haku though.
And of course Natsuo is a gamer, who played HOI4 (more like 19) with our boys.
Yashdoga, thanks for the review! I myself really like Endeavor as a character, so he'll be a lot of fun!
