hii! chapter 5 here for you guys! I hope you enjoy it, as always, and if you do, please leave a review/follow/favorite, it encourages me to keep going to see them :)

I will be trying to escalate the plot here now; I have also decided for this story to be about 50-60 ish chapters long, and after that, if the idea is welcomed, I might write a sequel/follow up. Of course, that's right now far in the future haha, let me know if you like that idea though!

Also, Filipina04, if you're reading this, check your PMs :)

Also, we hit 100 views! Thanks guys, I'm really happy people are reading these chapters! Also, I've finished writing my summary for this story; once I'm finished writing the story, I'll post two separate chapters, one for the summary of what my plan was for this story, one being the character list, what I intended for each character.

- Ain


Chapter 6 - Moving On From Guilt

Tris POV

I watch the footage replay again and again, but there really isn't that much need. Every part of it is engrained into my head, but I can't still seem to find anything important.

"Tris?" Tobias asks, and I hear his footsteps approaching me from behind.

"What?"

"Have you found anything yet?"

I spin around in the chair to face him and he studies my face. I think he can tell by my dark circles I haven't. I've agonized over the tape over and over. It was a welcome distraction though, which was partly why I kept going. A distraction from everything, and the deaths, and the violence all around us. It did help my spirits to see at the Dauntless meeting that my plan was welcome to all. Tobias and Lauren had taken up their instructor roles again, re-teaching gun and knife throwing and other physical things for everyone. It's only been a day but I'm already exhausted and I just want to go. To where...I don't want to think it.

"Do you need any help?" Tobias offers.

"No. Can you sit with me to watch though?"

"Sure." I say and I turn back to the screen. For about the millionth time I press play and scan every detail in the video. Shadows, colors, lighting, people...

"Wait." I hear myself gasp. I rewind the clip and turn it on slow motion.

A Amity girl, standing in the shadows, nearly out of sight from the camera. The shadows concealed her clothing, and I'd never seen her before...no. That's a lie. I have seen her.

"Tobias." I gasp. "I know her. There's a girl in the shadows. She's witnessing the death and the conversations. I know that girl." I feel my heart racing. It's beating and it is alive, alive like how I feel, and I feel the exhilarating rush I miss feeling.

We lock eyes. "We need to tell Tori and Harrison." he whispers.


We sit in a circle, four chairs around. I'm next to Tori and Harrison. We watch the scene and play it again.

"There." I point, and once again I feel the exhilarating rush of finding something new. Feeling alive. I grip the sides of my chair.

Tori furrows her eyebrows. "Who is she? Why is she wearing Dauntless clothes in our compound when she's clearly not?"

I release my grip on the chair. "I know her from school," I explain. "She's from Amity, I know that extremely clearly. The only reason I remember her was because she stood out from the Amity. She didn't carry herself with a Amity attitude. She very well may have transferred to a different faction."

Harrison is nodding. Tobias squeezes my hand to give me reassurance. I take it. I squeeze his hand back.

"What we conclude," Tori says, "Is that this girl," - she points to the screen - "is our key to figuring out what happened and why Amar and George's deaths were faked. She witnessed it; she definitely knows something. The problem is, why was she in the compound that she isn't authorized the be in?"

We all exchange looks. I realize something; I am not supposed to be here; this definitely was a classified leader meeting, and because of my choice to stay separate as Divergent, I declined my nomination. But now I'm realizing, I can keep myself separate and still be Dauntless; I'm seeing it now.

"We need to find out who she is, and why she was in the compound." Tobias says quietly.

Harrison rubs his chin. "That doesn't seem really necessary though. We're already in the war; Four, you're already preparing for a mission. We can't afford to send extra people out there."

Tori glances at Harrison. "You're right, but she witnessed whoever faked their deaths, and whoever faked their deaths were Erudite, and Erudite is behind this mess; don't you think we should at least try to figure out the connection, and if the mystery girl is still alive or not? Tris discovered this really important lead, and we should try to investigate it."

Harrison concedes and nods. "We now need to figure out who our trusted group is going to be now. All four of us of course, because we're leaders and Tris," he nods at me, "has become incredibly valuable to the Dauntless."

I shift. I remember what my thoughts were earlier. The more reckless I become, the more the Dauntless like me.

"Great. Cara, Christina, Amar and his comrades, Uriah, Marlene, Zeke, Lauren, Ava - that's Lauren's best friend," Tori explains when she sees my confused look. "She's one of the control room managers. I also trust Bud. He's extremely loyal to Dauntless."

"I think that's enough." I say. "We don't want too many people on the inside. Even though we trust them all, sometimes there are still traitors. We've seen that happen far too many times, like Eric and Max being traitors." Suddenly I remember a name that is missing. Lynn. I don't say anything, but the thought is at the back of my head. Then I realize, if we invite Lynn, she may tell Shauna or Hector, who both would be extremely upset of being kept in the dark. Also, Lynn isn't exactly good at keeping her mouth shut. Shauna couldn't even go anyway with her injured leg.

Harrison, Tori, and Tobias all nod reluctantly.

"We should probably invite them for our next meeting." Tobias says. "That way, we can inform them individually and they will be prepared. Also, we shouldn't keep on meeting in the Control Room; someone is bound to notice the door being locked when it shouldn't be, and all of Dauntless's leaders missing."

Tori winces. "We can meet in my apartment," she suggests. "It's spacious enough to contain sixteen people. Also, people will probably just think we're hanging out as friends."

Harrison nods at her thoughtfully. "Smart thinking." he says. "That's settled. We'll have dinner tonight at Tori's place at six. I'll talk to Lauren and Ava. Tori can talk to Amar's crew and Bud. Tris and Four can inform Cara, Christina, Uriah, Marlene and Zeke."

"Make sure no one else knows about this." Tori says, locking eyes with each of us, holding my stare the longest. "We can't afford people knowing our secret plan. There's no way of testing who's actually loyal and who are traitors."

We all nod together, in unison. "That's settled then." Tobias says. "Thank you for urgently meeting with us."

Tori smiles. "Of course. Tris, thank you so much for discovering this lead." I smile. I feel the tinge of energy rushing through me again. It pulses and warms me up, making me feel warm in places I've shut out, feeling cold.

"Thank you." I say, and we all exit the Control Room and go our separate ways. I smile up at Tobias.

He smiles down at me. "I haven't seen that spark in your eyes since Dauntless initiation." he says quietly, and with a tinge of emotion I can't understand. I'm too exhausted to understand.

I shrug. Then I quietly say, "I haven't really found anything to feel alive ever since."

We stop in a dark corner of the compound and he turns to face me. Quietly. I remember thinking how quiet was dangerous for Tobias. But it isn't. I don't feel in danger. I feel his need to protect me. But he doesn't know that I can make my own decisions.

"You can make your own decisions." he says softly. "But that doesn't stop me from worrying. Did we ever talk about that Candor chair your threw out of the window? How do I feel, learning that my girlfriend," his breath catches - "was this close to committing fucking suicide, and I was damn asleep."

I feel my heart pounding in my ears now, and I can't breathe.

"I thought we promised to tell each other everything." he says softly. "I can't stand the thought that you were there, and I wasn't there for you. Please Tris, don't do this to me."

I can hear the same emotion in his voice from earlier, and I'm starting to understand it. It's desperation, and he is desperate for me to stay. But he does not realize, that the girl he fell in love with, she has been consumed by a monster of guilt. And it's still eating me inside out, and I just want my mother, and my father, and I just want my parents. But I can't have them. I'm not done yet.

"Please Tris." he says quietly. I search his eyes and I feel his hand brush my cheek, coming away with something wet. A tear.

"I didn't lie when I said what I did to Christina earlier." I say, my voice strained. I hate sounding weak. But it's Tobias and I didn't really care anymore. There are more important things than sounding weak. "The guilt is overwhelming me, and it literally consumes me. I wouldn't wish my pain on my worst enemy. I watched my parents die in front of me, and I did nothing, because I was selfish." My voice cracks but I no longer care. "I killed innocent, mind controlling people, and I wasn't even under the fucking simulation. I did that by my own choice. I could've shot Will in the hand, but my slow thinking mind didn't. And I can't forgive myself for that, for killing people like, that and it's-" I let out a choked sob and I don't see anything anymore. I feel the hot tears burning on my eyes, but I refused to cry. I've let it contain inside of me for so long, and I don't even know how to feel.

"You don't need to forgive," I hear Tobias's voice quietly, and his arms around me, arms strong and are the only things keeping me from collapsing. "because I've done it for you. I'm here for you Tris. Please don't leave me. I don't know what I'd do." Now it's his voice I hear that cracks. "It's selfish of me to ask you. But stay strong, Tris. I know you can. Stay strong for me, please. And for Dauntless and for the factions. Don't lose hope. You're so much stronger. I promised earlier, remember, that I was blinded by my anger to help you, but I'd be with you now. I intend on keeping that promise."

I turn my face into his shoulder and let out another sob. I remember that, before we met Amar. And the only thing I can think of is how the guilt is tearing me apart, but I still have Tobias. Tobias Tobias Tobias. I will stay strong. I'm so much stronger.

I don't say anything else, but gradually my sobs stop. I don't remember. I only remember Tobias's arms around me. He is the only thing keeping me alive, and from collapsing. From collapsing but he is holding me together. And if he forgives me, I can forgive myself too. I know I can. And for the first time, I feel Tris emerge from within me again.


We're all here. I don't remember the conversation, I certainly don't remember Tobias explaining the plan again. I remember the hooting, the friendluy conversations, and serious conversations forming, and I could see the past Dauntless and current Dauntless together. Harrison, Bud and Eris laughing together. Marlene chatting away with Cara and Ava. George, Amar, Zeke, Tamsyn, Eris, Four, and Tori interacting happily. Me, Kyra, and Lauren exchanging words and pleasantries.

But we're all here. And it's a beautiful sight, to see them all together. And after explaining the plan and everyone agreeing to it, we now are trying to loosen up. I feel the rush of energy through me again. Tobias's talks helped me loosen, and I really think I'm closer to forgiveness. And drifting away from the darkness, towards the light, with Tobias. I smile.

"What are you thinking about?" I turn around and find Tobias hovering over me. "You."

He smiles. "I'm glad there's at least a smile on your face. Are you okay?"

I nod, and for the first time in a long time, I don't need to fake my happiness. It's like that exhilarating rush when I first fired a gun, first hit the target with a knife, seeing my mother again, fighting, winning, giving Christina a piece of my mind, and discovering the Amity girl.

"I'm more than okay." I say, and I mean it. "I want to tell you, thank you for being there for me. Throughout the depression and everything. And for forgiving me when I need it most."

His smile turns soft. "Tris, everything I said is completely honest. I love you. And I hope you can find the bravery and spirit I've seen in you, and rekindle it, because you're beautiful, and I know you're strong."

"Thank you." I breathe. "I love you too." I say softly. The noise and everything in between fades away, and he wraps his arms around me and I feel relaxed. I no longer have a heavy burden to carry, because I shoulder it with Tobias, and he's always there for me. "I want to be like that girl when I faced Christina, and be happy again."

"I want that too." he murmurs. "Thank you for listening and trying to be happy again."

"Kissy kissy time!" Zeke hoots from the top of the kitchen counter. It's clear he's had several drinks already, and I can see the regret on Tori's face.

I watch Tobias transform into Four and I hide a smile as he growls at Zeke, "My life is none of your concern."

I'm honestly a bit skeptical of how they became friends in the first place.

They both grin though, and everyone is relaxed.

I feel a tap on my shoulder, and I turn, expecting Lauren or Kyra. But I immediately feel Tobias tense beside me, and there's only one person who can do that; Christina.

"Can we talk?" Christina says, but there's no question in her voice.

"Yes." I say quietly. I can feel Tobias's eyes burning into my back as I follow her to a quieter corner of the apartment.

She goes immediately to the point. "Look, Tris, I'm sorry for how I treated you." she says quickly, and my eyebrows shoot up in surprise. I definitely did not expect that.

"Uriah reminded me of how you saved so many people, and how you didn't mean it, and some other things too." she murmurs. My eyebrows go even higher. Of all people, I didn't expect Uriah to help her change of thought.

"I can't say I can immediately forgive you." she adds, "but...I'm trying. I really am, Tris." she says quietly.

I feel a rush of relief on top of the other emotions and emotional rollercoaster. And if she's willing...I can be too. "Thank you." I say quietly. "I really am sorry."

"He told me how much you were struggling every day, dealing with the guilt." she mumbles. "And...it opened my eyes to see how horrid I've been. This is bigger than all of us. I've just been focusing on the wrong things."

I hesitantly reach out to touch her arm, and it's the first contact we've had in so so long. But at the same time, it's like slipping into a old pair of shoes, where it feels right.

We smile hesitantly at each other before breaking off and going separately. Even though we were working on mending our friendship, which I realized was where this was going, there were still huge cracks and hurt in between everything that needs to be mended. And the only thing that can do that is time.

I turn and try to find Tobias or Lauren but I feel another hand on my shoulder, and I turn around to find Uriah's bright, energy filled eyes.

"I take the conversation went well?" he asks quietly.

I nod. "Thank you, Uriah. For talking to her. You have no idea what that means to me."

He smiles. "No problem. I just think, someone needed to open her eyes to what was going on."

I nod at him and we both smile at each other and then I turn to go find Tobias again. I was exhausted from all the turns of events, and I just needed a bit of rest. And for the first time, I think I'll be able to sleep okay.


"Wake up, wake up, wake up!" I hear a frantic voice and instantly I'm out of bed. Tobias frantic eyes search my face. I'm still in my black fitted long sleeved keyhole top, with black leggings from earlier. I instantly slide into my black combat boots.

"Oh my God, oh God." Tobias mumbles frantically, and I hear a scream from outside. A gunshot. I knew what was going on now.

I feel the cool metal of a gun hesitantly slide into my hand. For the first time, I don't feel fear, or guilt, or Will's death associated with the gun. I feel the rush of power and energy I felt when I first fired a gun. I needed that energy right now.

I slip the gun into my belt with a knife, and then slide on a jacket to conceal my weapons.

"They're here, aren't they." A statement, not a question.

He locks eyes with me. I hear another wail. "The Erudite Dauntless traitors are here." he whispers.


Cliffhanger, sorry hheeheh :)) I decided to have some emotional revelations on this chapter. If the story didn't make it clear, this chapter is the chapter where emotionally, Tris moves on from Will's death, thanks to Tobias and Christina's forgiving. This is the important key moment, if you didn't notice.

I will be extremely busy this weekend with some events, so if I post a bit late, I'm extremely sorry about that!

Thank you for your consistent support, I love every one of you who supports and reads my stories! P.S check out my newest story, No Idea - it's a story for Lauren, the Dauntless-born instructor and her hidden past.

- Ain