. Umi:
Thank you for asking me to give my side of this situation. It felt as if I was being cast as
a villain, when in reality all of this should have been my business, and Nico-chan's. If this
is somehow being preserved to evaluate this crazy, unpleasant period, then I will include
what I have written in my own journal, though I will express it more formally. . . . . . . . .
From my diary:
I am Nishikino Maki, 15, first-year student at Otonokizaka Academy.
The background is that both my senior, Yazawa Nico, and I got in over our heads in our first love affair, and when I came up for air, Nico-chan refused to do so. When I said Nico and I should take a break from each other, she was devastated, but her obsessive feelings were the main reason I wanted to have some space. Although I am only 15 years old, I am already under a lot of pressure — to have perfect grades, to excel as a composer, and now, to do all the other things an idol does, even though they're all strange to my experience and contrary to my inclinations. On top of that, to be the lover of an older girl who wants me to make up for years of loneliness and pain was too much for me, and there is some shame in admitting that, but not a lot.
I wonder what keeping a record of this project to supposedly heal Nico through
dating her can accomplish? Who, besides us nine, could possibly ever read it?
Her family? The public? Perhaps it will serve as a reminder to Nico, but that's
assuming that it doesn't further stress her, now and later. I would have thought
she needed time to herself to reflect on her feelings and to become more
independent again. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I am sorry Nico is so vulnerable, and I fear the worst. But I don't know the details of the so-called plan to help Nico, and that's fine. The facts are that Nico and I are no longer together, and that several of the members of our idol group plan to be her temporary girlfriend in the next couple of months. In order to de-mystify their first time, apparently several girls have said they would even sleep together, which I find hard to believe. That Umi, in particular, would ever be part of something like that is simply impossible.
I still have tender feelings and good wishes for Nico-chan, but I accept that I can no longer tell her what to do, or tell other people how to help her.
Nico had never missed a practice with her own idol group. She had never missed a day she could possibly hand out fliers. She never missed a mu's practice, either. Actually, for purposes of performing she was still okay. And in practices she was gentle and docile, if very quiet. None of Nico's pride or stubbornness seemed to be left. In fact, she seemed grateful to have people tell her what to do. She was still very tender and caring to her family, but her siblings were frightened at how often their sister would simply start crying silently now. It was pretty clear that her defiant spark was gone. She reminded the others of Hanayo and Kotori without the flares of enthusiasm or mischief. Maki got tired of being stared at, and started leaving the second a practice was over. She didn't talk to Hanayo and Rin very much. They felt like they were being pushed to take sides, but the mu's girls told Maki once when Nico wasn't around that they didn't blame her, they were just upset.
