UmiNico Omaki: Emails with Umi and Maki

Summary:

We catch up with the start of the story; Things are worse than anyone guessed; Seeds of hope are planted.


Maki-chan:

Kotori has been keeping track of what happened in her journal, and I decided to do the same. Without
even addressing what went on yesterday, can I ask a favor? Would you give me your side of what's been
going on? It seems like forever we haven't been talking about things like that. It will help me understand
better, and if there is anything you think is okay to pass on to Kotori, please let me know that, as well. If
nothing else, I would hate for bitter feelings to arise and linger, after such an auspicious beginning. I
would hate that for our sake, but also for Maki's sake. But it's just a request, and I will understand if Maki-
chan can't or won't agree to it.

Umi


Umi:

Thank you for asking me to give my side of this situation. It felt as if I was being cast as a villain, when in reality all of this should have been my business, and Nico-chan's. If this is somehow being preserved to evaluate this crazy, unpleasant period, then I will include what I have written in my own journal, though I will express it more formally.


From my diary:

I am Nishikino Maki, 15, first-year student at Otonokizaka Academy.

The background is that both my senior, Yazawa Nico, and I got in over our heads in our first love affair, and when I came up for air, Nico-chan refused to do so. When I said Nico and I should take a break from each other, she was devastated, but her obsessive feelings were the main reason I wanted to have some space. Although I am only 15 years old, I am already under a lot of pressure — to have perfect grades, to excel as a composer, and now, to do all the other things an idol does, even though they're all strange to my experience and contrary to my inclinations. On top of that, to be the lover of an older girl who wants me to make up for years of loneliness and pain was too much for me, and there is some shame in admitting that, but not a lot.


I wonder what keeping a record of this project to supposedly heal Nico through dating her can accomplish? Who, besides us nine, could possibly ever read it? Her family? The public? Perhaps it will serve as a reminder to Nico, but that's assuming that it doesn't further stress her, now and later. I would have thought she needed time to herself to reflect on her feelings and to become more independent again.


I am sorry Nico is so vulnerable, and I fear the worst. But I don't know the details of the so-called plan to help Nico, and that's fine. The facts are that Nico and I are no longer together, and that several of the members of our idol group plan to be her temporary girlfriend in the next couple of months. In order to de-mystify their first time, apparently several girls have said they would even sleep together, which I find hard to believe. That Umi, in particular, would ever be part of something like that is simply impossible.

I still have tender feelings and good wishes for Nico-chan, but I accept that I can no longer tell her what to do, or tell other people how to help her.


Nico had never missed a practice with her own idol group. She had never missed a day she could possibly hand out fliers. She never missed a mu's practice, either. Actually, for purposes of performing she was still okay. And in practices she was gentle and docile, if very quiet. None of Nico's pride or stubbornness seemed to be left. In fact, she seemed grateful to have people tell her what to do. She was still very tender and caring to her family, but her siblings were frightened at how often their sister would simply start crying silently now. It was pretty clear that her defiant spark was gone. She reminded the others of Hanayo and Kotori without the flares of enthusiasm or mischief. Maki got tired of being stared at, and started leaving the second a practice was over. She didn't talk to Hanayo and Rin very much. They felt like they were being pushed to take sides, but the mu's girls told Maki once when Nico wasn't around that they didn't blame her, they were just upset.


You are all acting like Nico is going to die or something, just because for now we aren't together. I never even said we'd never try again, you know. She just assumed that. And by pandering to her fears and insecurities, I think you're only making everything worse. Yes, she's burying herself in activity - just like she did in her first year. And what if, just like in her first year, she burns out and goes into depression? How will you all react then?

Also, yes, this is of course hurtful for me. I feel like I am receiving two opposite messages from Nico-chan: I can't live without you! I can replace you in a few days! And it seems none of you are even caring what the school will think — of you, or of Nico.

Most of all, however, it's not my problem any more. If you have ideas that are not crazy to help Nico and I reconcile, I am not going to be stubborn. I admit I underestimated how badly Nico felt. But that's not healthy. Do I even have to point that out?

As for general matters, I may be able to help you, Mu's, out with a song, or perhaps two at a stretch, the rest of the term. I will play the piano just to relax, after all, so I might as well sometimes do that. Most of that time will be used to catch myself up on my recitals. I only have two this term, so it's doable. Right now I am feeling at best mixed emotions about Mu's and its focus on Nico, but with time I should be able to calm down and remember all the good things.

Since I am already saying things I should not have to say, I will mention that, of course, hurting Nico was the furthest thing from my mind at any point along the line. What I said was hard to say, and now it's been made much harder. This was my first, and unlike Nico, only relationship, so I have to adapt and improvise as I go along.

Maki

PS I am also feeling great surprise that you, of all people, are going along with this so completely. That is how I am feeling on my side. Somehow, that felt like "the last straw" on the camel's back.