Chapter 19: Innocence
January 21, 1998 – Wednesday
Summers Home
Buffy had snuck into her house a hundred times, on days more brilliant and sunnier than this one.
But today was the day her mother had to be waiting for her.
She was about a third of the way up the stairs before Joyce called out, "Good morning."
As her stomach did a flip, she darted back down the stairs like she had absolutely nothing to hide. A little breathless, she said, "Good morning."
"So, did you have fun last night?" Joyce said as she and Dawn rounded the corner from the dining room into the front hall.
Buffy's eyes widened and she took a step back. "Fun?" she echoed shakily, keeping those windows to the soul as big and round and free of guilt as she could manage.
"At Xander's," Dawn supplied. "Remember Xander invited you over after the party."
"Yes, yes, fun at Xander's." Buffy kept her eyes wide, her smile innocent. "You know, he's a fun machine."
"You hungry?" Joyce questioned, when all Buffy wanted to do was escape her scrutiny.
"Not really." Buffy gestured toward the second floor of their house, where she most desperately wanted to be. "I'm just going to take a shower."
"Well, if you hurry, I'll run you to school." Joyce smiled again.
"Thanks," Buffy said quickly.
Joyce took a closer look. She narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, cocking her head as she studied Buffy. "Is something wrong?"
"No," Buffy assured her. "What would be wrong?"
"I don't know. You just look…" Joyce shrugged, gave her head a little shake, and walked back into the kitchen.
Buffy turned and walked back up the stairs, Dawn right behind her.
"Buffy?" Dawn said noticing the rip in her sister's shirt. "Is everything okay?"
"No," Buffy answered as they walked into her room. "Angel and I did some recon last night. Almost got caught."
"The Judge?" Dawn questioned suddenly worried.
"Active," Buffy said with a glance at her sister.
"I'll be by after school," Dawn said.
"Dawn…" Buffy trailed off.
"What?" Dawn asked.
"Nothing," Buffy answered with a sigh. She wasn't sure how to tell her eleven-year-old sister that she and Angel had slept together.
Sunnydale High School
Giles was standing behind the checkout desk when Xander swung into the library. Cordelia was seated fetchingly on top of the counter, a big book on her lap.
"Well, the bus station was a total washout, and may I say what a lovely place to spend the night," Xander groused. "What a vibrant cross-section of Americana."
"No vampires transporting boxes?" Giles asked.
"No, but a four-hundred-pound wino offered to wash my hair," Xander informed him. He turned around and saw Ms. Calendar and Willow standing by the book cage. Alarm bells went off. "What's up? Where's Buffy?"
Willow said glumly, "She never checked in."
Giles looked up from a notebook. "If the bus depot is as empty as the docks and the airport—" He sounded very weary, and very worried.
"Come on. Do you think this Judge guy's already been assembled?" Xander asked.
"Yes." Defeated, Giles capped his pen.
"Then Buffy could be…We've got to find them. We've got to go to that place, that factory. That's where they're holed up, right?" Xander turned to Willow and Ms. Calendar. "Let's go."
Cordelia gazed at him in bewilderment. "And do what? Besides be afraid and die?"
"Nobody's asking you to go, Cordelia," Xander retorted. "If the vampires need grooming tips, we'll give you a call." She lowered her eyes as if she were ashamed.
Giles spoke up. "Cordelia has a point. If Buffy and Angel were…harmed, we don't stand to fare much better."
Xander was too pumped to even consider what Giles was saying. Rescue was the only thing on his mind. "Yeah, well those of us who were born with feelings are going to do something about this."
Ms. Calendar reproved him. "Xander."
"No. Xander's right," Willow blurted. "My God! You people are all…well, I'm upset and I can't think of a mean word right now, but that's what you are and we're going to the factory!" She led the way.
"Yeah," Xander added, trailing behind her.
At that moment, Buffy walked through the library's double doors.
"Buffy!" Willow cried.
Xander told her, "We were just going to rescue you."
"Well some of us were." Willow looked pointedly at Giles.
"I would have." He sounded defensive.
Ms. Calendar walked up beside Willow. "Where's Angel?"
Buffy looked stricken. She turned to Giles. "He didn't check in with you guys?"
"No," Giles told her.
Cordelia slid off the counter. "What happened?"
Giles took a breath. "The Judge…is he?"
"No assembly required," Buffy confirmed wearily. "He's active."
"Damnit." Giles pulled off his glasses.
Buffy continued, "He nearly killed us. Angel got us out."
"Why didn't you call?" Giles asked more gently. "We thought—"
"Well, uh, we had to hide," Buffy said to the group. "We got stuck in the sewer tunnels, and with the hiding, we split up—and no one's heard from him?" Her voice was little-girl-lost.
Willow came forward and said soothingly, "I'm sure he'll come by."
"Yeah. I'm sure you're right." Buffy sounded not at all convinced.
"Buffy, the Judge." Giles hesitated, like he didn't want to sound callous. "We must stop him."
"I know." Buffy went right into Slayer mode.
"What can you tell us?" Giles asked, all ears.
"Not much," Buffy admitted. "I just kicked him, and it was like a sudden fever. If he got his hands on me…"
"In time he won't need to," Giles said anxiously. "The stronger he gets; he'll be able to reduce us to charcoal with a look."
"Also?" Buffy added. "Not the prettiest man in town."
Giles sighed in frustration "I'm going to continue researching, look for a weak spot. The rest of you should get to your classes."
"I better go, too," Ms. Calendar said, moving toward the door. "I'll go on the Net and search for anything on the Judge."
"Thank you," Giles said sincerely.
Xander paused at the door. "After classes, I'll come back and help you research."
Cordelia began to sweep by him, then stopped for one last arrow. "Yeah, you might find something useful…if it's in an I-Can-Read book." She patted his chest.
Xander was taken aback. Then he shrugged it off and went on his way. The Judge could definitely do a lot more harm than Cordelia.
0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0
Willow walked with Buffy down the corridor as students bustled around them. She asked, "You don't think Angel would have gone after the Judge himself, do you?"
"No. He'd know better than that. Maybe he just needed…I don't know." 'If I can't tell Dawn, who I tell everything to, I definitely can't tell Willow,' Buffy thought 'Besides what would they think? What was he thinking? Where is he? "I just wish he'd contact me. I need to talk to him."
They went up the stairs, unaware that Ms. Calendar lingered behind them, listening and unconsciously tapping her fingers against her mug of herbal tea, deep in thought.
0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0
After school was out for the day Willow was on the phone with Buffy. And Buffy was wigged.
"Okay…no, he didn't," Willow said on her end. "But I'm sure he'll…Buffy, he probably has some plan and he's trying to protect you. Well, I don't know what, I'm not in on the plan, it's his plan. No. Don't even say that. Angel is not dead. Yes, we'll be here. Do you want Dawn…Okay, I'll have her call your mom around 6 P.M. if you're not here by then. Bye."
"What's the word?" Xander asked.
Willow was worried. "She's checked every place she could think of. She even beat up Willy the Snitch a couple times. Angel's vanished."
Behind her, Giles said from his office, "But he does do that on occasion, no?"
"Yeah, but she's extra wigged this time," she told him. Then she turned back to Xander. "I guess because of her dreams. God, what if something really happened to him?"
Xander kept his gaze on his book as Giles asked, "Is she going to join us here?"
"Yes. She's just stopping at home first." Frowning, Willow returned to the big, thick book she was slogging through.
"Nada," Xander groused, slamming his book shut. He slid off his stool and went to get another.
"Hi, Giles," Dawn said as she walked into the room.
"Dawn," Giles said as he nodded toward the younger Summers sister. "Did you have homework?"
"No," Dawn answered. "Need me to do some research?"
Giles hesitated and then handed her a book. "Only because you're a Potential," he said. "If not for that I would say not till your older."
0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0
"Did you find anything?" Xander said, as neutrally as possible, as he approached Cordelia.
"This book mentions the Judge, but nothing useful." Cordelia sounded discouraged. "Big scary, no weapon forged can stop him, took an army to take him down, blah, blah, blah."
"We need some insight. A weak spot," he ventured.
"Well, we're not going to find it here." Cordelia shut the book and put it back on the shelf.
Xander came up behind her and she turned around to face him. "I'm sorry I snapped at you before."
She grimaced. "Well, I'm reeling from that new experience."
"I was crazed. I wasn't thinking."
"I know. You were too busy rushing off to die for your beloved Buffy." She sounded hurt. "You'd never die for me." There was a question mark on the end of that declarative statement.
"I might die from you." He gave her an intimate grin. "Does that get me any points?"
She blinked. "No."
"Come on," he cajoled. "Can't we just kiss and make up?"
She closed her eyes. "I don't want to make up." She looked very stern, and then grabbed his arm. "But I'm okay with the other part." And wrinkled her nose.
They smiled at each other, dropping the feisty thing, and she cupped the side of his face as they kissed.
She giggled a little, very softly, and Xander lost himself in the softness of her lips. Her arm draped over his shoulder, her hand now on the back of his neck.
And then, Xander realized they were not alone.
Willow was watching them, and she looked as though he had socked her in the stomach.
"Willow! We were just—" He chased after her. "Willow, come on!"
She screeched to a halt beside the trophy case in the main hall and whirled on him. "I knew it! I knew it!" She shook her finger at him. "Well, not 'knew it' in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know. You two were fighting way too much. It's not natural."
Xander helplessly held out his hands. "I know it's weird."
"Weird? It's against all the laws of God and man! It's Cordelia!" Willow was so angry she was sputtering. "Remember the 'we hate Cordelia club,' of which you are the treasurer?"
"I was going to tell you—"
"Gee, what stopped you? Could it beshame?" she sniped.
He lowered his voice a half-octave. "All right, let's overreact, shall we?"
She gestured angrily. "But I'm—"
"We were kissing. It doesn't mean that much."
And then she deflated. Her face filled with pain. "No," she said miserably. "It just means you'd rather be with someone you hate, than be with me."
Her voice cracked on the word, "me."
So did Xander's heart.
She turned and ran away.
Summers Home
Buffy trudged to the front door of her house. She stood and stared at the three rectangles of glass. Her heart pounded. She was numb with fear and dizzying confusion.
She would not go in. She would not allow herself to be safe when she had no idea if Angel was alive or dead.
Resolutely, she turned and walked back into the night.
Angel's Apartment
Buffy let herself into his apartment. As always, it was muted. The soft lighting gave an antique sheen to the objects in the room—the statue in the case, the chair that reminded her of old movies about New York.
Then she saw the crimson pillows, the coverlet. The things he had given her to wear, which she had neatly folded and left on his bed. She turned at a noise and saw him shirtless, emerging from behind a screen, in black leather pants, putting on his chain.
"Angel!" Joyfully, she ran to him and threw her arms around him. It was almost like a dream; she was so glad to see him. It made her feel like she was spinning.
"Hey," he said pleasantly.
"Oh, Angel, oh, God, I was so worried." She held him so tightly she would never be able to let him go.
"Didn't mean to frighten you." He gave her a little smile.
"Where did you go?" Tears of relief streamed down her face.
"Been around."
She hugged him again. "I was freaking out. You just disappeared," she reproved him, unable to keep the happiness out of her voice, managing just a touch of possessive lecture mode.
"What? I took off," he said, with a distinct lack of concern.
"But you didn't say anything," she said, puzzled. "You just left."
He started putting on a gray silk shirt. He smirked at her and said, "Yeah, like I really wanted to stick around after that."
Buffy blinked, as stunned as if he had slapped her. "Wh—what?"
He laughed heartily. "You know that was just a pity fuck, right? I mean, I could find a real woman anywhere in this town."
She went completely numb. "What are you saying?"
"It's cute and all, you playing at being a girl." He rolled his eyes. "But you know you're just a freak, right? Poor Rutherford Summers. Can't be a real boy. Missing a few parts, a woman might need. It's pathetic."
"My name is Buffy," Buffy said. She clenched her jaw to keep from bursting into tears. Her stomach was clenching. She was shaking. "Angel, why are you saying these things?"
"Get out of here," Angel snapped. "Now. There's no room in my apartment for a disgusting thing like you."
"I love you," Buffy whispered.
"Love you too," Angel drawled.
Buffy fled out the door trembling with pain and shock as the tears finally burst free.
Sunnydale High School
Xander leaned against the wall next to the door of the girls bathroom waiting. As Dawn came out he spotted Willow walking slowly down the corridor, toward the library. "Will!" he called.
Willow hugged herself and faced him and Dawn as they approached. "Hey," she said coolly. "Hey, Dawnie."
"Hey, Willow," Dawn returned the greeting.
Xander inclined his head, accepting the distance she was putting between them. "Where did you go?"
"Home," Willow answered.
"I'm glad you came back," Xander said honestly. "We can't do this without you."
Willow didn't smile. "Let's get this straight." Her tone was determined and it was obvious she was still angry and hurt. "I don't understand it. I don't want to understand it. You have gross emotional problems and things are not okay between us."
He accepted that also. He didn't like it, and it hurt.
"But what's happening right now is more important than that," she finished with resignation.
"Okay."
"What about the Judge? Where do we stand?" Willow asked.
"All the books say the same thing," Dawn admitted.
"Let me guess," Willow said. 'No weapon forged…'"
"'It took an army…'" Xander confirmed.
"Huh. Yeah, where's an army when you need one?" Willow asked, rather bitterly.
Xander blinked. Hard. Army?
"What?" Willow and Dawn asked.
"Whoa. Whoa." His mind was racing. "I think I'm having a thought. Yeah. Yeah, that's a thought. Now I'm having a plan."
The lights in the hallway went out.
Xander said, "And now I'm having a wiggins."
"What's going on?" Willow asked anxiously.
The instincts Dawn got on Halloween from her sister caused her to move protectively in front of the teenagers as they started down the corridor. "Let's get back to the library," she instructed.
"Dawn? Willow? Xander?" a voice called softly behind them.
They turned. The muted silhouette of a tall guy stood beside the illuminated trophy case.
"Angel," Dawn said, relieved that it was him. "Thank god. I was worried about you."
"We've all been worried about you," Willow added. "Did you see Buffy?"
"Yeah." Angel sounded calm and collected. He looked around. "What's up with the lights?"
"I don't know," Xander said, gesturing for Angel's attention. "Listen I have an idea—"
"Forget about that. I've got something to show you." He gestured toward the closed doors behind him with his shoulder.
"Show us?" Dawn sounded as puzzled as Xander.
"Yes. Willow…Xander, you two go get the others"
Willow and Xander moved into action. "Okay," they agreed as they took off.
"And Dawn, come here," Angel said.
Dawn walked toward him. "What is it, Angel?"
"It's amazing," Angel promised.
Dawn kept walking.
Further down the corridor, beyond the set of doors, a strange feeling passed through Xander. "Something's not right," he told Willow. They started back toward where they had left Dawn with Angel.
Dawn had almost reached Angel.
"Dawn, get away from him." It was Ms. Calendar.
"What?" Dawn faced her. The dark-haired teacher was holding a large wooden cross.
"Walk to me," Ms. Calendar said firmly.
Then Angel growled and grabbed Dawn up, one hand around her neck, the other clenching her shoulder. She struggled, as he practically choked the breath out of her.
Willow and Xander ran through the doors and skidded to a stop beside Ms. Calendar.
"Don't do that!" Xander shouted.
"Oh, I think I do that," Angel said viciously.
Dawn looked up at him. He was in full vamp face, his eyes glowing golden. "Angel…" she pleaded.
"He's not Angel anymore. Are you?" Ms. Calendar asked in a cold, hard voice.
"Wrong. I am Angel." Even his voice was different— mean, savage. "At last."
"Oh, my God," Xander breathed, getting it.
"I've got a message for Rutherford," Angel continued, squeezing harder.
"Then why don't you give it to me yourself?"
Angel pulled Dawn with him as he whirled around to face Buffy, who looked hard and fierce and thoroughly ready to kill him if he didn't let go of her sister. Dawn allowed herself to hope that she was going to live through this. But Angel was gripping her really, really hard.
"Well, it's not really the kind of message you tell," Angel informed Buffy. "It sort of involves finding the bodies of your sister and all your friends." He gave Dawn another hard squeeze. She cried out hoarsely, terrified.
Buffy was trying to be strong, but she was shaking. Angel was inches away from strangling Dawn right in front of her. "This can't be you," she said, staring at the wild creature who was menacing her sister.
"We've already covered that subject," he flung at her.
Buffy couldn't keep the pain from her face and her voice as she fought to get through to him. "Angel, there must be some part of you inside that still remembers who you are."
"Dream on, schoolboy," he sneered. "Your boyfriend is dead. You're all going to join him."
Behind Angel, Xander took the cross from Ms. Calendar and began advancing on the vampire.
"Leave Dawn alone and deal with me," Buffy ordered Angel.
"But she's so cute." He pinched Dawn's cheek. Dawn gasped. "And helpless." His tone grew husky, insinuating. His claddagh ring caught the glint of the light, and Buffy was almost sick. "It's really a turn-on."
Xander made his move. He darted around Angel's right and shoved the cross in Angel's face. Angel roared with fury and flung Dawn at Xander. They both slammed into the wall and collapsed to the floor.
Furious, Angel advanced on Buffy, grabbing her, looming over her. He brought his face close to hers and whispered, "Things are about to get very interesting."
Then he kissed her hard, a kiss filled with contempt and loathing, then threw her away from himself. Buffy hit the floor as her back smacked the wall. In shock, she stared while Angel backed through the exit doors, obviously savoring his handiwork, and left.
Dawn, Xander and Willow ran to her. "Buffy," Dawn demanded urgently, "are you okay?" Her sister made no answer. She tried again. "Buffy?"
Buffy couldn't speak. (A/N)
0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0
After Angel split, everyone convened in the library. Giles paced around the study desk as Ms. Calendar looked on. Buffy, Dawn and the others were seated at the table, staring down, miserable and afraid. Both Buffy and Dawn felt very far away.
"And we're absolutely certain that Angel has reverted to his former self?" Giles queried.
"Yeah, we're all certain. Anybody not feeling certain here?" Xander asked very seriously.
"Giles, you wouldn't have believed him. He was so…" Willow took a breath as it all sank in. "He came here to kill us."
Cordelia grimaced at Willow. "What are we going to do?"
"I'm leaning toward blind panic, myself," Giles muttered.
Ms. Calendar frowned at him. "Rupert, don't talk like that. The kids."
"I'm sorry." Giles struggled to compose himself and rubbed his forehead. "It's just, things are bad enough with the Judge here. Angel crossing over to the other side…I just wasn't prepared for that."
Miss Calendar murmured, "None of us were."
The sisters held their individual gifts from Angel in their hands. Across the table, Willow rose and came over to them. She gently asked, "Are you both okay?"
Buffy and Dawn glanced at each other and then shook their heads.
"Is there anything I can do?" Willow tried.
Again, Buffy and Dawn shook their heads. "I should have known," Buffy said mournfully. Tears streaked her face. "I saw him at his apartment. He was…different. The things he said…" She couldn't continue.
Giles leaned forward, ready to take notes. "What things?"
Buffy looked away. "It's private."
"But you didn't know he had turned bad?" Ms. Calendar asked.
Willow looked from Buffy to the teacher. "How did you?"
"What?" Ms. Calendar said.
"You knew," Dawn spoke up for the first time. "You told me to get away from him."
Ms. Calendar shrugged. "Well, I saw his face."
Giles was still analyzing. "If we only knew how it happened."
That caught Buffy's attention. "What do you mean?" she asked, looking at him as he sat at the table.
"Well, something set it off," he explained. "Some event must have triggered his transformation. If anyone would know, Buffy, it should be you."
Dawn glanced at her sister and then her eyes began to widen in realization.
"I don't," Buffy blurted. "I—"
"Well, did anything happen last night that—"
"Giles, please," Buffy said, distraught, "I can't…" Blindly, she got up and ran out of the room, Dawn right behind her.
"Buffy, I'm sorry, but we can't afford to…Buffy!" he called after Buffy. "Dawn!"
Willow's gaze locked on the sisters retreating backs as she realized what Dawn had. What had triggered the transformation. She knew. "Giles, shut up," she said levelly, watching the sisters retreat through the swinging doors.
Summers Home
Buffy moved quietly into her room, followed by Dawn, who shut the door. She walked to her vanity, tears still welling, as she touched the silver cross Angel had given her when they had first met. It had become a cherished gift. Now it was a source of protection.
"Buffy," Dawn said as she came up beside her sister and wrapped her arm around her. "That's what you were trying to tell me this morning wasn't it?"
Trembling, Buffy let go of the cross, as she nodded. She blinked back her tears, twisting the ring Angel had given her. The tears started spilling down her cheeks as she slipped it from her finger; by the time it was off, the tears were streaming down her face.
Dawn helped her sister over to the bed and then she laid down facing Buffy. She pulled her sister's head to her. Buffy sobbed into Dawn's shoulder; thankful that her caring and supportive sister was there for one of the most devastating moments of her life.
Buffy's Dreamscape
The crimson sheets undulated; silk and satin, smooth, melting like warm candle wax. Angel's hand stroked Buffy's hair, his lips trailed along her skin, his lips found her closed eyes, the side of her nose, her earlobe.
Her fingertips traced his tattoo; her ring glinted against his flesh; his ring gleamed as he rang a finger down her chin. Their sighs mingled, their moans deep with longing. Muscles tightening, hearts pounded…the fires of their passion rose, and yet he was so gentle for her, so careful for her.
"I love you," he whispered.
Then Angelus the demon roared at her—
And walked toward her in a daylit cemetery, where she stood with other mourners before an open grave.
Angel looked straight at her and said, "You have to know what to see."
Bewildered, she looked at him, then slowly swung her gaze to the veiled woman beside her. Dressed all in black, Jenny Calendar pulled her veil over her head and stared with sad eyes at the grave.
January 22, 1998 – Thursday
Summers Home
Buffy opened her eyes; she had been dreaming. And the dream meant something.
"Buffy?" Dawn said from next to her sister. She had stayed there throughout the night so that Buffy wouldn't be alone.
"A dream," Buffy answered. "I think it was one of those dreams."
"You mean one where…" Dawn started as Buffy nodded. "Do you want me to go with you?"
"No, I will walk you to school. This is something I need to do myself," Buffy answered.
"If you need me," Dawn said.
"I know," Buffy admitted. "So how are you doing?"
Dawn looked down at the Celtic Friendship Knot pendant hanging from her neck. "It's hard," she admitted. "I hope you can find us some answers."
"So do I."
Sunnydale High School
Buffy marched to Sunnydale High, completely ignoring the students milling around her. Without missing a beat, she strode into the main building, down the corridor, and into Miss Calendar's computer science classroom.
Students were taking their seats. The teacher was chatting softly with Giles. Buffy brushed past her Watcher, as he said, in mild surprise, "Buffy…"
In one swift motion, she grabbed Ms. Calendar around the neck and slammed her back onto the desk.
Pencils and diskettes flew everywhere.
"Buffy!" Giles cried, grabbing at her arm. Buffy completely ignored him, a calm, deadly purpose in her eyes as she glared at Ms. Calendar.
"What do you know?" Buffy let go of Ms. Calendar, allowing her up as she backed away, but pinned her with an unrelenting stare. "Did you do it? Did you change him?"
Ms. Calendar was catching her breath, and did not speak.
"For God's sake, calm down," Giles ordered Buffy.
Buffy ignored him. "Did you know what was going to happen?"
"Buffy, you can't just go accusing people around you of—"
"I didn't know…exactly," Ms. Calendar said. That caught Giles's attention. He stood stunned beside Buffy, who waited for Ms. Calendar to spill the rest of it. She looked to Giles first, maybe because she couldn't face Buffy. "I was told…" Then she ticked her glance at Buffy and looked away, murmuring, "Oh, God," under her breath.
Buffy didn't let up.
Ms. Calendar took a deep breath and met Buffy's eyes. "I was sent here to watch you. They told me to keep you and Angel apart." She rushed on, shaking her head slightly, "They never told me what would happen."
Giles was stunned. "Jenny—"
"I'm sorry, Rupert." Ms. Calendar looked down again, as if she didn't quite believe what she said next. "Angel was supposed to pay for what he did to my people."
"And me?" Buffy demanded. "What was I supposed to be paying for?"
Guilt splashed across Miss Calendar's features. "I didn't know what would happen until after. I swear I would have told you."
Buffy and Ms. Calendar were silent for a moment. A silent understanding passed between them.
"So, it was me," Buffy whispered. "I did it."
"I think so," the teacher said sadly. "I mean, if you—"
Giles stepped forward. "I don't understand."
"The curse," Miss Calendar said to him, rising. "If Angel achieved true happiness, even just a moment of it," she glanced at Buffy, "he would lose his soul."
"But how do you know you were responsible?" Giles asked Buffy.
Buffy glanced at him. Something in her look must have communicated itself to him. "Oh." Looking uncomfortable in the extreme, he took off his glasses. Buffy was humiliated.
Ms. Calendar began, "If there's anything—"
"Curse him again," Buffy said at once.
The teacher shook her head. "No. I can't. Those magics are long lost, even to my people."
Buffy didn't believe her. "You did it once. It might not be too late to save him."
"It can't be done," Ms. Calendar repeated. "I can't help you."
Without hesitation, Buffy said, "Then take me to someone who can."
Uncle Enyos' Hotel Room
Ms. Calendar led the way into her uncle's room, followed by Buffy, and then Giles. She saw the body first, and gasped, "Oh, my God."
Buffy stared, and Giles almost lost it. His hand hovered near his mouth.
Then they saw the message on the wall, written in blood, and in Angelus's handwriting: I can find a real woman anywhere.
"He's doing this deliberately, Buffy. He's trying to make it harder for you." Giles said, obviously trying to soothe her.
Buffy kept her eyes fixed on the words. On the cruelty. "He's only making it easier. I know what I have to do."
Giles looked at her. "What?"
"Kill him," she said simply. 'For me and for Dawn, the two people he's hurt the most,' she thought.
Sunnydale High School
In Giles's office, Xander deposited an oblong wooden crate on Giles' desk. Back in the library, Cordelia and Willow were loading weapons into a gym bag.
"Happy Birthday, Buffy," Xander said. "I hope you like the color."
Buffy stepped forward, observing while Giles took a crowbar to the lid.
"Giles, we'll hit the factory first, but we may not find them. If they're on the offensive, we need to figure out where they'll go," Buffy strategized. Adrenaline was coursing through her. She was ready to fight.
"Agreed," Giles said, prying open the lid. He threw it back.
Buffy gazed at the contents. "This is good."
Hovering in the doorway, Ms. Calendar took an uncertain step forward. "Do you…" she asked tentatively, "is there something I can do to—"
Buffy didn't even look at her. All she said was, "Get out."
Giles looked across the room at the teacher, as she said softly, "I just want to help."
Giles looked down slightly, then turned his back. "She said get out." No joy there, no anger. Just siding with his Slayer, that was all. But Buffy scrutinized him, both touched and saddened that he had been forced to pick sides. That any of this had happened.
Ms. Calendar withdrew. Xander approached, and asked Buffy, "Do you want me to show you how to use it?"
"Yes, I do." Buffy was all business, and no heart.
"Buffy?"
Buffy turned at her sister's voice. "Why are you…?" she started.
"Mom's going to be late at the gallery tonight," Dawn answered.
"Angel isn't coming back, Dawnie," Buffy said as she knelt next to her sister. "He's turned, he's evil."
Dawn nodded in understanding. "You don't have to dumb it down, Buffy. I have your memories from Halloween, remember?"
"Your right, sorry," Buffy said as she hugged Dawn. "When we find him. Stay next to Willow and Cordelia. And if mom asks, we went to see a movie."
The Factory
It was deserted, the party favors gone, the highbacked chairs stripped of flowers and vines.
"I knew it," Buffy huffed in frustration.
Giles looked around. "And we haven't a bead on where they would go?"
"I don't know," she answered. "Somewhere crowded, I guess. I mean, the Judge needs bodies, right?" She joined Xander, Cordelia, Dawn, and Willow, preparing to go.
"The Bronze?" Willow suggested.
"It's closed tonight," Xander told her.
"There's not a lot of choices in Sunnydale," Cordelia pointed out. "It's not like people are going to line up to get massacred."
"Buffy, I think I know where," Dawn spoke up as everyone turned to look at her. "Remember what you told me to tell mom we were doing tonight?"
"The movies," Buffy answered. "Which means…"
Sunnydale Mall
Angel, Drusilla, and their minions escorted the Judge to the upper level of the mall. As if on cue, an oblivious businessman carrying a briefcase walked up the stairs, directly into the Judge's line of fire. The Judge stretched out his left hand, shooting energy at the man. The man began to burn. Fire blazed from his eye sockets, and then the flames flared out from inside his body.
Within seconds, he was entirely consumed.
Satisfied, Angel said to his minions, "Lock the exits, boys." And to the Judge, "It's all yours."
The Judge looked pretty darn happy about that.
0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0
The elevator doors opened, and Buffy led the way. Giles came up behind her, the oblong box on his shoulder.
"Everybody keep back. Damage control only," Buffy ordered, as they marched down the mall. "Take out any lesser vamps if you can. I'll handle the Smurf."
"Be careful," Dawn instructed her sister.
0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0
The Judge took up position on the stairway, flanked by Angel and the lovely Drusilla. The shoppers continued on their way, no one having noticed the annihilation of the businessman. The Judge opened wide his arms. Fiery pulses emanated from him, connecting to the humans closest to him, then shooting directly through them to others, and to others. It was a connect-the-dots web of energy. The Judge was loving it. Angel was loving that he loved it.
Drusilla bounced on her heels and cooed, "Oh, goody."
Then someone shot an arrow directly into the Judge's chest. He winced, stumbling backward, which turned off his power. The people he had attacked staggered and gasped, but for the most part, were alive. He pulled the arrow from his chest, breaking it off in the process. "Who dares?" he bellowed.
Angel turned; his eyes wide.
Buffy kept her position on top of the popcorn machine. She was about fifty yards away from the Judge, who was standing at the top of a double set of stairs. As Buffy had expected, Angel and Drusilla were with him. "I think I got his attention," she said with grim satisfaction.
The Judge addressed her directly. "You are a fool. No weapon forged can stop me."
"That was then." Buffy handed Xander the crossbow. "This is now." She took the rocket launcher from Giles. She put it on her shoulder, and aimed. It made a whining noise as it armed itself.
The shoppers started screaming and scattering.
Buffy flicked the switch, took aim.
Across the building, Angel looked at Drusilla, and she at him. They both knew what was up. Hurtling themselves forward, they abandoned the Judge, who asked, with mild curiosity and a touch of concern, "What's that do?" They leaped over the stairway balcony as Buffy pulled the trigger.
The package screamed straight for the Judge, made impact, and blew him to bits. His vampire companions were thrown forward by the blast. Drusilla and Angel both landed hard, as tiny fragments of the Judge rained down on them like a scattershot of rock.
Angel got to his feet and disappeared. Drusilla was left behind, completely wigging out, scurrying away in a paroxysm of whimpering. Her henchmen trailed after her.
Buffy took a moment to register the kill as smoke from the blast billowed toward the ceiling. The others peeked from behind the concession stand. "My best present ever," she said to Xander, handing him the rocket launcher.
Xander took it from her. "Knew you'd like it."
"Do you think he's dead?" Willow asked.
"We can't be sure," Buffy answered. "Pick up the pieces. Keep them separate."
The others moved to obey. But Cordelia grumbled, "Pieces? We're getting pieces? Our job sucks!"
"Buffy," Dawn said when she saw Angel running away. "Make it hurt. For what he did to both of us."
"Promise," Buffy said as she jumped off the popcorn machine in hot pursuit.
Meanwhile, the burning debris of the Judge created a lot of smoke. The smoke set off the overhead sprinklers. Soon the interior of the mall was soaking with water with more cascading down.
Then there Buffy was, confined in a cul-de-sac containing a pastry counter and little else, searching for him.
Angel seized the advantage and attacked her from behind. She went down. "You know what the worst part was?" he asked roughly, glaring at her through the sprinkler downpour as she got to her knees and faced him. "Pretending that I loved you."
Buffy got to her feet and gave him that sad, mad look of hers. He knew she was fury in a bottle. "That doesn't work anymore," she said coldly. "You're not Angel."
"You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? Doesn't matter." He grinned at her, savoring her pain. "The important thing is, you made me the man I am today."
That got her. She kicked him in the face, then punched his arm. He did her one better and belted her in the face, then the stomach, grabbing her head and whirling around, laying her out with a sharp side kick to the head.
She went down again.
0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0
They were picking up the pieces, Dawn, Giles and Buffy's friends, when Dawn stopped, raised her hand, and pointed at quite a large part, not quite daring to touch it, not after what one of those arms almost did to Buffy the other day. "Uh, arm," she announced.
0 – 0 – 0 – 0 – 0
In the mall cul-de-sac, Angel was gaining the upper hand. As Buffy leaped to her feet, he picked her up over his shoulder and flung her back down to the floor. She sprang back up, but he blocked her blow and got in a sharp undercut to her chin, whipping back her head. Then a left, and then a right.
And then she was down again.
"Not quitting on me already, are you?" he said, reveling in the fear on her face. "Come on, Buffy," he sneered. "You know you want it, huh?"
The fear galvanized into anger. She flung herself at him, and the kicks and punches came so fast and furious he couldn't keep count of how many times she'd connected. She used him like a punching bag, and then she dragged him forward, ramming his head through a glass case, then back up through the glass top. She pummeled him. A front kick, a roundhouse. He was thrown backward and landed on the floor.
When he jumped up, she had a stake in her hand.
They looked at each other.
He saw her waver. Her face was a study in pain.
He smiled as she lowered her arm. "You can't do it," he said triumphantly. "You can't kill me."
Her pain hardened into anger. Before he realized what, she was doing, she kicked him with all her Slayer's strength right between the legs. She smirked knowing actually how much that hurt.
He groaned and doubled over; mouth open in a silent scream of pain. He couldn't make another sound as he gagged and fell to his knees.
Buffy turned her back and walked away in the water-sprinkler rain. She said, almost too softly for him to hear, "Give me time."
Summers Home
Giles drove the sisters home. They sat in front of the house in his Citröen, and Buffy was so ashamed she couldn't even look at Giles. He turned off the rattling motor and said, not without kindness, "It's not over. I suppose you know that."
Buffy and Dawn nodded slightly while Buffy looked down.
"He'll come after you, particularly, Buffy. But also, you as well, Dawn, since he saw you as a friend. His profile—well, he's likely to strike out at the things that made him the most human."
In a hoarse, tight voice, Buffy rasped, "You must be so disappointed in me." Finally, she looked at him.
"No. No, I'm not," he said sincerely.
"But this is all my fault." Tears welled.
He turned in his seat to face the sisters and shook his head. "I don't believe it is. Do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly? You did, and I can."
Dawn wrapped her arm around Buffy knowing the next words out of Giles' mouth would likely hurt her sister.
"But I know that you loved him, and he has proven more than once that he loved you." Dawn looked at him in surprise, Buffy on the other handed looked at him, hungry for forgiveness, starving for his gentle words of comfort. "You couldn't have known what would happen. The coming months are going to be hard, I suspect, on all of us. But if it's guilt, you're looking for, Buffy, I'm not your man. All you will get from me is my support and my respect."
"The same is true from me, Buffy," Dawn agreed. "Of course, you already knew that."
Buffy nodded she did know that. Her sister, ever since she had come out as trans to Dawn, had been the most supportive person she had ever known.
January 23, 1998 – Friday
Summers Home
Joyce had told her children that the actor's name was Robert Young. Neither sister could remember the name of the actress who was singing, "Good night, my love. My moment with you now is ending." They were rich people on a luxurious cruise on a vast ocean of black and white.
Joyce came in with a cup of coffee and a plate with three bakery cupcakes on it. One was topped with an unlit candle. She brought them over to the coffee table and sat beside Buffy and Dawn on the couch.
Joyce glanced at the TV and asked, "Did I miss anything?"
Buffy roused herself. "Oh, uh, just some singing."
"And some running around," Dawn added
Joyce looked inside a wooden box and a round pottery bowl with a lid, and finally located a book of matches. "I'm sorry I didn't have time to make you a real cake."
"No. This is good." Buffy meant it.
"But we're still going shopping tomorrow. So, what'd you do for your birthday? Did you have fun?"
Buffy's throat tightened as she looked toward her sister. "I got older," she answered.
Joyce looked mildly surprised at the sadness in Buffy's voice. "You look the same to me." Her love for her children was in her eyes, and in her smile. Then she lit the candle on the cupcake. "Happy birthday." She made a face and begged theatrically, "Dawn and I don't have to sing, do we?"
Buffy tried to smile. "No."
"Well, go on," Dawn urged. "Make a wish."
Buffy looked at the tiny point of light. "I'll just let it burn." She laid her head in Dawn's lap and Dawn stroked her hair.
The black and white people sang, "Good night, my love."
And the sisters watched the candle burn.
Author's Note: Dawn being at the school and replacing Willow in the hallway scene was taken from BTVS Classic comic issue #37. Issues 35-38 all dealt with the fake memories. Issue #37 had Dawn in that hallway. The only difference between what I have written here and what was shown in the comic. Was in the comic Willow grabbed Dawn away from Angel who then grabbed Willow. I thought for both Buffy and Dawn this was something they both should face together. Given how close the two of them are in this story.
