Chapter 5: Numb
Numb.
That was really the only word Bailey could use to describe how she was feeling now. Only three days later and she was already numb. She cried all the tears she could cry. Now it was just an empty feeling - a numb feeling.
Everyone else was taking the loss differently. Papa was out of the house more than ever, hunting and taking care of the property as much as he could to keep himself occupied. Even Alejandro and Samuel were often out, mostly on runs for things they needed. Mama remained in the house mostly, doing things that kept her occupied like cleaning up and making food when it was time to eat. Chris was practically nonverbal and his interactions were only when necessary, like whenever he needed to use the bathroom or get something to eat. She had a feeling he was only doing it to give them space.
Yesterday, they held a proper funeral. Papa, Sam, and Ale spent the day digging a hole while she and mama picked wildflowers and created a cross out of sticks. Everything had taken much longer than it should have, but they were just avoiding the inevitable. Burying him would seal the deal and make it all much more real. And it did.
All of them, even Chris, stood around the freshly buried grave to say some words. Bruno stayed close to her side and whimpered throughout the entire thing, eventually pawing at the fresh dirt when they started to disperse. She had to grab onto his collar and pull him away. It must have been hard for the dog; he was there in his last moments and had to attack him when he had been trying to eat them.
Since then, she had mostly been cuddling with the dog, locked away in the room she shared with her brothers. She didn't want to move. All she wanted to do was stare up at the ceiling and stay locked with Bruno's warmth at her side. No one had really bothered her since everything happened since all of them were mourning in their own way, but this morning was when her mama finally decided that she needed to get up and do something.
"Hey honey?" she prodded, standing in the doorway to look at her.
Bailey slowly raised her head, studying the lines of stress and anxiety stretching across her mama's face. "Hey."
"I really need you to help do some chores around the yard. Papa and your brothers are out checking the traps and I really need someone to tend to the garden. I would do it, but I need to tend to some stuff around the house and change Chris's bandages."
She sighed deeply, fingers softly caressing Bruno's head. "I guess so."
"Thank you. And please, take something with you to protect yourself. Just in case." Mama's fingers tightened around the doorframe.
Her eyes flickered to the shotgun resting in the corner of the room. The very same one she used to shoot abuelo. The friendly warmth and comfort it used to hold was now replaced with hard lines and bloody stains.
"Bailey, please," mama insisted, voice soft.
"Okay," she agreed.
"Thank you."
Mama flashed her a small smile before leaving her alone to get up and get ready. It took her several minutes before she decided that she was ready enough to get up and start the day. She pulled on a pair of faded blue jeans and a flower-patterned shirt. Bruno watched her the entire time, not moving from his spot until she approached the gun resting in the corner of the room. He whined, obviously sensing the tension.
"I have to. Mama's orders," she murmured, looking back at the dog for a moment before turning her gaze to the weapon.
Gingerly, she picked it up, the familiar warmth she usually gained from the weight now feeling like a cold stone in her hands. She grimaced, but still shouldered the weapon, trying not to think of what she had to do with it three days prior. It had already been hard enough losing her abuela and now her abuelo was gone.
She drew in a shaky breath and then headed out of the room, her feet causing the wood to creak beneath her down the hall. In the living room, Chris curled up on the couch with a woolen blanket over his legs. A book rested between his fingers, but his puppy eyes latched onto her form as she entered. She looked away, her mouth set in a firm line, and continued toward the door to retriever her shoes.
"Hey," Chris tried as she knelt down to string up her boots.
She didn't answer, not because of anything he had done. Her talking to others had been rather limited and because she didn't know him as well as her family, she didn't have the energy to put forth the effort to get to know him.
"Where are you going?" he asked, probably taking note of the gun.
"Garden," she answered shortly, straightening up and holding the door open for Bruno.
Without another word, she shimmied out the door and into the hot afternoon air. Though it had cooled down considerably, it was still dry and scorching enough out that her jeans felt too much. Still, for gardening, they were necessary.
She trudged across the yard with Bruno by her side, passing the chicken coop to the small enclosed garden at the corner of the property. Many of the vegetables were growing strong with a few here and there that looked like they were withering.
"Stay here Bruno," she murmured, placing the gun next to the gate and entering.
All of the gardening materials were in the back of the enclosed space so she immediately went there to grab what she needed, placing the yellow gardening gloves on her hands and grabbing some clippers. Even if she didn't exactly want to do this today, it was rather peaceful outside. The wind blew softly through her hair and felt nice on her skin. Everything stayed quiet. Nice and peaceful.
The serenity allowed her to dive into her thoughts as she clipped off dead leaves and branches from each vegetable plant. Bruno settled down on the outside of the fence and she stayed in a crouched position as she moved from plant to plant. First the tomatoes, then the string beans, then the corn, and so forth. Some of the plants, like potatoes and carrots, didn't really needed to be trimmed, but she checked to make sure they were healthy and growing properly.
Working with her hands seemed to even out her thoughts, even if she was thinking about abuelo. It helped her to think about the good times she had with him, like when they would tend to the garden together or when he came up to California to visit with abuela. They were memories that made her smile during the day, but now she wasn't sure how they made her feel. Part of her felt happy reliving them, even if he wasn't alive, but another part of her was anguished that she wouldn't be able to make any more memories with him.
Bailey paused, dropping the clipped and staring in the dirt for a moment as the heat rushed to her eyes. She sniffled, a single tear wetting the dirt next to her hand. He would always be remembered, even if he died in the worst way possible. Papa loved him. Mama loved him. Ale and Sam loved him. And she loved him.
Papa had told her before, when abuela died, that even if she was gone that she would live in each of them through their memories and actions. The same would be with abuelo. He would still be alive in her heart.
Once again, the overwhelming urge to cry consumed her and she plopped down in the dirt, allowing the tears to rush down her face in even flows. Bruno whined faintly from the outside as a way of telling her he knew how she was feeling.
She cried for a few more minutes, memories of every single moment with him flashing through her mind until she couldn't think of a single one left to mull on. If he was alive, he'd tell her to stop crying and finish up with the garden. There was work to do. Always work to do.
With a shaky laugh, she pushed herself out of the dirt, wiping the tears with her shirt, and starting back to work. She made quick work of the weeds, abuelo's voice echoing in her mind with tips and tricks for gardening as she worked through it. And once she was done with the weeding, she moved on to actually picking the vegetables.
Halfway through and the turnout seemed to be pretty good. She had just started pulling up carrots when Bruno started to bark like mad. Springs in her toes propelled her backwards and she pressed a hand to her heart as it raced from the sudden barking.
"Bruno, knock it off," she hissed, panting and bending over to pick up some of the vegetables she dropped.
He didn't stop barking, though, and she peered through the corn to try and see what he was barking at.
A lone muerto staggered toward them, blood seeping from its teeth and fingers outstretched and twisted. Low gurgling escaped its rotten lips and she immediately stood, eyes wide. A muerto? Out here? They hadn't had any wander on the property since the start. Of course they would see an occasional one deeper in the woods, but none ever made it this far.
She hurried toward the gate, fumbling for the shotgun as Bruno snapped and snarled at it. A single shell rested inside and she cocked it, drawing in a deep breath. As it approached, her finger froze over the trigger. Her surroundings were different and this definitely wasn't her abuelo, but the gun still felt cold and hard in her hands and the blood splattering everything replayed in her mind.
Bruno latched onto its leg and then dodged its grip before it could hold onto him. She tried with everything she had in her, but her finger just couldn't pull that trigger. Her muscles were stiff and she couldn't even move.
It seemed that the barking had got her mama's attention, though, because she rushed outside.
"Bailey! Bailey, shoot!" she shouted, rushing forward.
Even though the words registered in her mind, she just couldn't do it. Bruno kept the muerto distracted for long enough that mama could make it to the scene with a hammer in hand. With a mighty swing, mama latched the blunt object into its skull. It twitched, the growling in its throat slowly dying as it ceased to exist and fell to the ground. It was almost like all the tension released from her body and the gun fell from her fingers to the dirt.
"Are you okay?" Mama asked, running forward and opening up the gate to engulf her in a hug.
"Fine," she murmured, burying her face into mama's chest. "Why was there a muerto here? They never come in this far..."
"I don't know, honey. But we have to get rid of it before it stains the dirt and ruins the crops. Can you help me move it? Are you able to do that?"
She saw the way her mama's eyes flickered down to the unused gun in the dirt... Why couldn't she have just shot it?
"Yes. I can do that," she breathed, carefully pulling away.
"Stay here and I will run in to get the matches. I won't be long," Mama promised, giving her a firm kiss on the top of the head.
She merely nodded, reaching to wrap her arms around herself as mama left to hurry inside. Bruno whined and nuzzled her leg, his snout covered in blood from the muerto. She'd have to clean him up afterwards.
Mama returned with the matches and together they lifted the muerto to bring it all the way to the back woods where they burned the dead bodies. Of course, this only happened once in a while when papa would bring one back from the woods, so it was hardly used, but a good thing to have for occasions like this. She still couldn't understand how one had gotten this far...
Once it was placed in the pile of ashes, mama lit it up with one of the matches and it burned away, leaving a rotten smell in its wake. They made sure it was completely gone before swatting out the fire and heading back to the house. By the time they got back, her papa and brothers returned as well, to which they told them of what happened. Alejandro and Samuel immediately worried over them, asking if they were okay, while papa seemed more stern. He set his jaw, looked hard at the wall, and asked them questions about which direction it came from while mumbling how they shouldn't have had to take care of something like that.
He still embraced them afterwards, but he seemed to be thinking hard about how this happened. She used the opportunity before dinner to clean up herself and Bruno, wiping the blood from his snout and giving his mouth a wash out. After that, they all ate dinner together and soon it was dark out once more. It seemed like the day had gone by way too quickly once she had gotten out of bed.
However, as midnight neared, her eyes stayed wide open. Nothing could seem to lull her to sleep - not even the warmness of the blankets around her or the soft snores of Ale across the room. The thought of a muerto getting in just bothered her and she continued to toss and turn as thoughts of it and abuelo crossed her mind back and forth. She got agitated enough that she finally sat up and peeled herself from the bed. All she needed was some fresh air...
She quietly slipped out of the room and down the hall, making sure to avoid all the creaky spots in case anyone else was still awake. If they caught her going outside, they would surely force her back into her room.
Chris seemed to be sound asleep so she quickly skirted past him and put her shoes on. She moved so quickly that she didn't hear the rustling behind her as she shut the door and stepped out into the fresh air.
Stars littered the sky and she drew in a breath, looking up for a moment before moving to the side of the house where she could get a better view. Stargazing was something she often enjoyed doing back at home since where they lived was clear of trees and she could climb up on the roof to look. But out here, the sky was so much clearer and she could see each set of stars much more clearly than she could at home.
She only got to lay in the grass for a few moments before she heard the hobbling footsteps. Instinct kicked in and she leaped from her spot, eyes darting through the darkness to find where the footsteps were coming from. A limping figure made its way toward her and in an instant, she was scrambling for her weapon that she didn't bring.
However, instead of being a muerto like she was expecting, it was Chris. What was he doing out here?
"Chris...?" she questioned. "You should be resting! You can't be walking on your leg."
"I'm fine," he assured. "Really, the crutch your mother made works; I'm not even using my leg."
She sighed, taking a step back and crossing her arms over her chest.
"What are you doing out here?" he asked, coming closer until she could see his features in the dark.
Bailey paused, shuffling her feet on the ground. "Just...needed some air. Couldn't sleep. You?"
"I saw you leaving. Wanted to make sure you were...okay."
His voice was slightly hesitant, but she could feel the concern and tinge of warmth in every syllable. He was really trying.
"Yeah I...wanted to look at the stars. Helps me when I'm thinking," she admitted, taking a glance upward.
"It alright if I join?" He tilted his head, peering at her through the darkness.
"Uh, sure? We can sit if you want," she said awkwardly, gesturing to the patch of ground she was sitting on before he came.
He gave a small smile that she could barely see through the moonlight. "Thanks."
The two of them settle down in the grass, him having a bit more trouble getting down on her level but eventually getting there. She crossed her legs and leaned back on her hands, turning her brown-eyed gaze back up to the stars and exhaling. Everything about this night was beautiful. Too perfect.
"How's your leg?" she asked, placing her hands in her lap.
"Not bad. It...hurts a little but much better," he said.
"Good... I'm glad my mom could help."
"Yeah it uh...really reminded me of my mom. You know she would have done anything to help someone. Always had a good heart."
"You said she was a nurse too?" Bailey recalled, shuffling a bit so she could look at him.
"Yeah. She was. Still in nursing school when it started. But she was really smart and kind. I wish I could have...," he trailed, breath deflating on his lips.
"Had more time with her?" she finished, knowing exactly what he was trying to say.
"Yeah. I guess you probably feel the same way."
She merely nodded, adjusting her gaze back up and the sky. It was scary how similar they were and she would swear he was practically the boy version of her. Or at least from what she knew about him. In all honesty, she didn't know that much, but talking to him seemed to dampen the reality of what was going on around her, even if they were talking about their dead relatives.
"Hey what's...what's your favorite color?"
It slipped out before she could help herself. Favorite color? That sounded so lame. But he responded without a beat.
"Yellow. Makes me think of the sunny days back home. What about you?"
She couldn't stop her heart from fluttering the way it did. "Yellow too, actually. It's just...warm. I like warm colors. Where did you live before all this? I'm guessing up in the states?"
"California. LA, to be exact."
"Wait really? We were in San Diego! We just came down here to help my abuela when she was sick and then everything happened. How did you end up all the way down here?"
"We were just...trying to find a safe place. Stayed on a boat for a while, but things got hairy and we ended up here."
His brown eyes sparkled in the dim light and she couldn't help but smile subtly to herself. Ale and Sam had been the only ones to really be her friends throughout this whole thing. Bruno too. But it was nice to be able to talk to someone her own age who understood what she was going through and who was a pretty down to earth person.
"Hey, Bailey?" he started, catching her attention.
"Hmm?" she hummed.
"He may be gone but...he doesn't have to suffer in this world anymore."
The words seeped deep into her skin, like a sponge absorbing water. No matter how hard it was for her to accept it, it really was true. He was in a better place where he wouldn't have to endure the hardships of this world. It had already been so rough on his fragile body to eat such small meals every day.
Her body slumped slightly, but she nodded. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," he responded, voice warm and welcoming.
She shifted to get a better look at the stars, but as her gaze flickered upwards, she caught sight of something in the distance. A figure stumbling toward them. No wait, was that two? It seemed like the more she stared, the more figures began to appear from every direction with the telltale gait of what she feared. Muertos. A whole herd.
And they were coming right toward them.
A/N: So sorry for the long delay! School started up for me so things have been crazy and I struggled a lot with coming up what to do next with this story. But it's gonna start heading toward the plot of the show so I'm excited about that! Next week I won't be able to update because I'm updating my main fic, but the week after will be back on schedule, hopefully! As long as I can keep up with school in the meantime. Thank you all so much for the awesome reviews and I'm so glad you're enjoying it! Hope you liked this chapter!
