All familiar characters belong to Janet. Mistakes are mine alone.
"Great. Ranger is never going to let me hear the end of this." My sigh was dredged up from the soles of my feet and then landed right back there by the time it was finished. "What are you doing here, Mom? You think convenient stores are where the devil eats, so I should've been safe getting a snack here."
"I know that you come here often, often late at night I'm told," she replied, firing the first shot. "So, I spoke to the owner's wife, shared my worries over my daughter's erratic behavior, and asked if I could please be notified the next time you came into the store."
I glared over at the guy working the register. To his credit, he looked appropriately scared. Though he has no idea the scare Ranger's going to be putting into him later.
"I never thought I'd have to go through so much trouble just to talk to my own daughter."
"It's called stalking in almost every state in the country, so I'm sure you've heard of it. If you haven't, you could've asked your buddy Morelli all about it. And I'd have thought that me not speaking to you in … forever, plus not inviting you to my wedding, would've tipped you off that I'm not really interested in hanging out at the house or listening to you pick me apart anymore."
"Don't be so dramatic, Stephanie."
I snorted. "I think you meant to say … 'Don't be so honest, Stephanie.' And before you start whatever tirade you've been trying to perfect while I was away, you should know that just because you can't see Ranger doesn't mean he isn't going to hear you."
She looked confused right before Junior and Cal closed ranks around me, answering her unspoken question. Ranger respected me and my belief that I'd be alright getting gas and some ice cream even close to the Burg, but he's not about to risk me being harmed in any capacity.
"For goodness' sake," my mother muttered. "I'm only talking to you, not threatening you."
I shrugged. "Sometimes what you say threatens my sanity, and my hubby knows that better than anyone."
"Are you still going on about that?" She asked, pointedly ignoring the two men standing with arms crossed beside us near the freezer section. "Joseph isn't in any position to do anything right now, let alone want to bother you. I think it's past time we drop the charade."
"Mom, I married Ranger … willingly and legally. I even changed my name. You can call up Liza Scarlitoni's daughter at the DMV and she'll tell you that my driver's license now says Stephanie Manoso, because I'm using my married name."
I watched the moment the grasp she'd had on her delusion slip completely away and she admitted to herself that I'm telling her the truth. She won't take my word for it, but a lifelong Burger is always to be trusted. Her eyes dropped to check for the hardware on my ring finger that Grandma shared on social media which has since been added to. Her pale eyes narrowed, her lips thinned, and the corner of her mouth tipped up in anticipation of all her predictions about me coming true with one question.
"You're pregnant, aren't you?"
I told my ovaries to cover my uterus' ears so it wouldn't hear that and start getting ideas. I also had to wave a hand at Cal who had taken a step forward at my mother's insinuation. They're usually Teddy bears when it comes to women, children, and animals, but my mother's always been a special case. And even though he probably wouldn't shoot her, the guys could grab her, gag her, and drop her in a country she'll never find her way out of.
I'm filing that under Plan B because she's not the one in control here.
"No, Mom. I'm not pregnant. This isn't the fifties. There are ways for even married people to have lots of sex and not have kids until they're ready to raise them. I'm sorry you didn't have those options. Val and I probably would've grown up happier if you'd had."
"Watch your mouth, young lady."
"Watch your tone, mother. I'm not a kid anymore and I'm not about to be reduced to one because of you. If you want to apologize for being … well, you. I'm listening. If you'd like to start over and get to know me and Ranger and our friends," I said, smiling at both Cal and Junior, "then I have a few minutes to spare. But if you thought you'd get me cornered and compliant so I'll refuse to say anything bad about you or Joe in the neighborhood or under oath, it's not happening. That jerk deserves what he got and everything that's still coming to him, and so do his supporters. If you consider yourself one, that's your problem … not mine. You can bill me for the gas money you wasted coming here. You know Rangeman's address."
I opened the case behind me and chose three pints of Ben and Jerry's ice cream … Phish Food, Chunky Monkey, and The Tonight Dough because the guys still refuse to tell me their favorites. And I know they all have one.
I shook the Phish Food pint at my bodyguards. "Party in the parking lot. And don't worry, I'll tell Ranger that you both earned your ice cream."
I may not have a mother anymore, but I have a building full of people who love better than she ever could.
