Everybody and anything familiar belong to Janet. Mistakes are mine.

Mary Lou's intentions are as sweet as she is, but Ranger doesn't let anyone take on a fight he believes is his, especially not a pregnant lady.

"I'll be right back."

I grabbed his forearm to stop him. "My mother, my problem," I reminded him.

He brushed an escaped curl back behind my ear with just the tips of his fingers. For a man as deadly as he is, how gentle he always is with me makes my chest hurt.

"You married me, Babe. That means your mother is officially fifty percent my problem now. And I excel at making problems disappear."

Understatement of the decade, I thought to myself.

"I don't exactly need her to disappear, I just want her to leave me and my people alone if she doesn't genuinely want to be one of them."

He nodded. "I'll make sure she understands that."

He gave me a quick kiss before he moved past me to push the Stankovics' screen door open.

"She'll get the message because I'm going to help you deliver it," I told him.

Instead of telling me to stay inside, he held out his hand for me to take. He always says that we'll tackle everything together, and I definitely felt that today. My best friend wanted to protect both of us, not just me. And Ranger wanted to take care of me but knew I had more to say to my mother before I stopped speaking to her permanently.

"I need you to leave," Mary Lou was saying to the driveway-paperweight my mother had become. "I don't want to make a scene, but I will if I have to."

"We can take it from here," Batman told my bestie.

She turned her head and was back to glaring at us. "I thought I told you guys not to move."

I shrugged. "You said that to two people who don't take orders very well … or at all."

"You're pregnant?" My mother shrieked at me in lieu of a polite 'hello'.

"Ah, it's just like old times, when you'd lob an accusation at me as soon as you saw me. Why are you here?"

"I heard you were visiting your friend."

"My friend since forever has a name, Mary Lou. And I'd bet it's more like one of the neighbors you bribed into spying for you called and ratted me out. Since you're buddies with Morelli, you should know that stalking someone can actually get you into trouble. You might want to stop doing it."

"Don't be dramatic, Stephanie. You're my daughter. I just wanted to see you. Are you pregnant?"

Just like she ignores my wishes, I ignored that question.

"Stephanie's my best friend," Mary Lou told her instead. "And I wanted to see her too. I'm not letting you ruin our visit or be the reason she doesn't want to come over here anymore."

I gave my best friend a one-armed hug with the arm not anchored to Ranger. "Nothing and no one will stop me from seeing you, Mare. You may have a lot of things to worry about, but that is NOT one of them."

My mother won't pay attention to what I'm really telling her, but she's trying real hard to decipher what Mary Lou and I aren't saying.

"So ... Mary Lou is pregnant, that's why you're discussing babies and she has a lot to worry about?" She asked next.

I sighed. This shit is getting old.

"It's none of your business if Mary Lou is pregnant or if it's me," I told mommy dearest. "Either way, it doesn't change anything. What I said to you at the hospital I actually meant. I don't have the time or the interest in having the same fight over and over again. And the fact that you thought you could use my best friend to ambush me is literally the last straw. You just lost any chance I may have given you to have a relationship with me or the children Ranger and I have."

"You don't mean that," she blurted.

"If you knew me at all, you'd know that there is a limit to what I'll put up with. And I'm quick to cut ties when I've reached it."

"And I will enforce any decision my wife makes," Ranger added. "Consider this a cease-and-desist notice. My lawyers will draw one up to file with the court if you continue to harass Stephanie or her family."

"I'm her family!" She barked. "I'm her mother!"

"If you were a good one, you'd stop seeing your daughters and granddaughters as tools to use and abuse just to make your existence appear less pitiful."

"I have never abused my children."

"You don't have to hit someone to hurt them, Mom," I informed her. "Not loving them or constantly insulting and manipulating them hurts too. I mean … if your own parents don't like you, who will?"

"Me," Mary Lou was quick to say. "I don't just like you, Steph, you're the sister I wanted and got as a best friend too."

"Do not make my mascara run," I warned her.

"I do love you, Stephanie," my mom tried. "You're my child."

I shook my head. "You love what you thought I could do for you. Mary Lou cheered and bought me a hot fudge sundae when I broke Morelli's leg with the Buick. Eddie and Carl threatened to beat Joe up for what he wrote very publicly about me across the freakin' Burg. Ranger has saved my life in every way possible. They love me. What did you do? You made a five-year-old promise not to tell anyone what Joe did to me … even making me feel like it was my fault for following him into the garage. And you grounded me for what Morelli wrote. Does that sound like love to you? You get pissed and start 'tippling' when Grandma Mazur agrees with Dad just over what to have for dinner. How do you think I felt having my own mother side with the guy who constantly humiliated me yet hate the man who actually loves and respects me and makes me happy to be alive? If you think that's what caring about someone means, I want no part of it."

"I told you to stay away from Joseph. You didn't listen."

"There you go again, blaming me instead of taking any responsibility for what you've done. When I did finally dump him, you got mad at me and couldn't stay away from him. I'm not putting myself, Ranger, or our kids through that kind of insanity. I hope you got what you wanted from this visit because it won't happen again."

Ranger's tone was equal parts promise and threat when he spoke. "I'll personally see to that."