A/N: This story comes in three parts. This is almost the end of the first one. Angst warning is HIGH today. I'll see ya at the end!
I sat in bed after school, staring at the fucking wall and watching the sun go down as I awaited Bella Hour to finally approach.
I was distracted from my walling by a small knock on the door. I froze, momentarily scared Dad had finally decided to show his face before I realized he would never have the fucking courtesy of knocking.
It was Alice, who let herself into my room before I had the chance to tell her to come in. It made me smile, for once; Alice had been so distant from me the past few months, I was happy to see her normal intrusive behaviors returning.
"Edward," she whined, and I noticed her eyes were brimmed with red. She'd been crying. "Jasper is going away for Spring Break." Her lower lips trembled as she approached my bed, and I had to stifle a laugh; she'd become so fucking dependant on her boyfriend.
For a moment, I thought of how I would feel if Bella told me she was leaving for a week- but I pushed the thought away quickly. That was different, anyway. Plus, she'd already left me before to see her mother, and I made it out alive. Sort of. And that was before, well…everything else, but… still.
"I'm sorry I've been avoiding you." Alice's sad voice snapped me out of my tortured thoughts as she clambered on the mattress, curling up beside me. "I've just been so mad at you for putting yourself in that situation with Dad-"
"Alice." I cut her off. "Don't go there." I couldn't bear to have that conversation one more fucking time. "It's okay. I'm sorry, again. We're cool."
She exhaled, relieved as she snuggled into my side. "I love you, brother."
I ruffled her short, dark hair with my hand and chuckled, glad to have my sister back to normal. "You're just sucking up to me because you don't want to be bored all Spring Break."
"Oh, Edward!" She whined again. "What am I going to do without him for a week? I'm going to be miserable."
"You're going to be fine." I told her. "We'll hang out, it'll be fun."
"With Bella?"
I quirked my eyebrow, but Alice couldn't see it as she pressed her face into my mattress.
"Will you ask Bella to hang out, too?" She asked again, clearly with an agenda.
"Uh, yeah, I'll ask her to hang out with us. Why don't you just ask her?"
"I just wanted to know if you were already going to ask her to hang out over break."
"Oh my god, Alice, you're a fucking menace." I laughed, frustrated with her pestering but still happy to be spending time with her again. "Yeah, I probably was going to ask her to hang out. We can all do something together."
I could feel Alice's smile against my leg as she remained curled up beside me. She didn't pester me further, luckily; I suppose my answer to her question was all the information she needed.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
"Alice wants me to ask you to hang out with us next week during Spring Break."
Bella was naked in my arms, the both of us covered in a sheen layer of sweat and completely satiated from the activities a few minutes prior.
Bella laughed, her perfect tits bouncing with her chuckles. "She didn't want to ask me herself?"
"I think she was fishing for information out of me. She asked me if I was going to ask you to hang out, anyway."
"Oh yeah?" She asked, rolling over so she was on top of me, her breasts pressed against my bare chest. I let my hands wander to her ass and squeeze. "Well, what was your answer?"
I snorted. "No fucking way. Why would I want to hang out with you?"
She narrowed her eyes at me, her little nose wrinkling as she fought to hold back her smile. "That's a relief. I was afraid I'd have to pry you off of me all week."
I laughed with her, though a surge of fear coursed through me at her words. She was probably fucking right; she would have to pry me off of her, if she wanted to be rid of me. Did she finally realize how pathetically enamored with her I had become?
Bella reached across my chest to the night table, grabbing one of my cigarettes from the pack and lighting it up. After a few drags, she passed it to me, and I relished in the way the filter was damp with her saliva, and how mine would be combined with hers when she put the smoke back in her mouth.
"What do you like to do?" She asked as she took the cigarette back. My eyes fixated on her lips and they closed around its damp tip.
"What kind of question is that?" I asked her, eyes still focused on her mouth.
"A really simple one, actually."
My eyes darted back up to meet hers, and her deep brown irises were smoldering.
"I like to fuck you."
She laughed my favorite laugh of hers, the one that came from her belly. "What else?"
"Uh, I like drugs and alcohol."
Her little hand slapped my bare chest. It kind of fucking hurt, but I didn't wince, not wanted to give her the satisfaction. "C'mon, Edward. What else?"
"Fuck, Bella, I don't know what you want to hear! I like to play baseball-"
"Perfect!" She exclaimed, her face lighting up with a bright smile. I felt my insides melt at the sight of her. "That's what we'll do with Alice."
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
It was a pretty beautiful spring day when Bella, Alice and I found ourselves at the baseball field behind the school. Alice had dressed Bella and herself in her old softball uniforms, and I was having a hard time keeping my eyes off Bella's ass in her spandex pants.
They both noticed, but neither said anything about it.
Bella was standing on the pitcher's mound, ball in hand, and I stood at home base with my bat. Normally, I would feel confident about playing baseball with a bunch of chicks, but I had a strong feeling Bella had a great throwing arm, judging by all the punches I'd seen her throw. It had also been a long time since I've gotten out to play. Plus, being around Bella just made me fucking on edge and unaware of my surroundings- it was sure to hurt my game.
"Batter up!" Alice yelled, jumping up and down as she stood in the outfield, ready to catch my ball. It was great to see her so happy. I felt like it had been so long.
As predicted, Bella threw a perfect pitch, but I still retained enough coordination to hit it, despite Bella's effect on my sensibilities.
"Home run!" Alice called, and I heard Bella's laughter ring out as I ran through the bases, holding my arms in the air in victory.
With the sun on my skin and the breeze in my hair, I couldn't stop the memories of my childhood as they flushed through me.
"Atta boy!" I heard Dad cheering from the crowd as I ran through the bases. After the game, he slapped me on the back before pulling me under his arm.
"You see this kid?" He yelled towards the other parents that attended the game. "Remember this kid! He's going places!"
Standing on the pitcher's mound, throwing the ball to Alice hurled more blurry childhood memories at me.
"Mom! Edward hit me with the ball!" Alice cried, running into the house from the street where we played.
"It was an accident!" I yelled as I followed her, afraid of what my punishment would be for hurting my little sister.
"Oh, sweet boy. Of course it was an accident." Mom said, pulling me into a soft hug. Being in her arms brought such comfort, my fears of punishment dissipated.
"You're gonna turn him into a pussy, Elizabeth." Dad walked into the living room holding an ice pack for Alice, who was crying in her room upstairs. He walked over to us, giving Mom a kiss on the head.
She laughed, slapping him playfully on the arm. "Oh, shut up, Ed. You're going to turn him into an asshole like you."
Just when the memories began to sting, Bella would skip through the field, mesmerizing me. Her big, beautiful smile, the way the sunlight caught on her exposed skin took me far away from the thoughts of my past, throwing me into the present so fast it knocked the wind out of me.
Bella came prepared with a few beers in her backpack, so after our game, the three of us sat on the bleachers to enjoy the warm air and some brews.
"Can I have a cigarette?" Alice asked Bella, making a point not to look at me.
"Jesus Christ, Alice," I groaned. "I'm going to beat the shit out of Jasper if he got you smoking."
Bella scoffed as she handed my sister a cigarette. "Oh, get over yourself, big brother. I'm sure you were smoking when you were her age."
"You mean last year?" Alice asked, taking the cigarette and lighting it. "We're literally like, fourteen months apart."
The girls laughed, and I rolled my eyes in faux irritation. In reality, I couldn't be happier; the two people I cared about the most were fucking smiling and laughing with me. My brain threatened to question just how much I cared about Bella, if it was getting to be too fucking much, but I shoved the thought as deeply down as I could. I was not going to let myself ruin this day.
There was only so many I could allow myself to have with her, after all.
The sun was setting as we walked home, and I couldn't help but stare as the pink light hit Bella's face. She looked like she came straight out of a fucking painting, a piece in the Lourve. I found myself distracted by every move she made, the way her cheeks dimpled as she smiled, the way her hand lingered on mine as we passed the joint she'd rolled back and forth.
"I heard there's going to be a party tomorrow night in the abandoned lot next to Mr. Whitlock's house." Bella said.
"Isn't he that old racist asshole on the corner of Emmett's block?"
"He used to role play as a confederate soldier." I added. "Dad told me that like, ten years ago."
The girls laughed at my commentary while I winced at the mention of Dad before mom's death.
"Yeah, that's the one. They knocked down the house next to his, so apparently the whole South Side is gonna throw an Easter blow out or some shit. Food and everything. My dad told me, he's bringing fish."
"We're definitely going, then. I'm not missing out on Charlie's fish fry ever again."
By the time Bella made it to my room that night, the unwavering urge to touch her had gotten so fucking strong, I nearly bruised her when I clutched onto her arm. Those electric sparks flew from her skin into my own, immediately relieving me.
"Hi," she giggled, disconnecting my hand from her forearm and wrapping her arms around my neck. This was better. Closer was always better.
"Hello yourself," I said as I leaned in to press my lips against hers. She kissed back, earnest and eager as always.
"Today was really fun, right?"
"It was." I agreed, letting my lips wander down to her soft neck. "Thanks for that."
I felt her neck vibrate from her little moan. "You don't have to thank me, Edward."
I chuckled against her skin before reluctantly pulling away, wanting to look in her eyes. They were bright and clear and beautiful. "What if I like thanking you?"
Her big smile lit her eyes up even more, making my stomach do backflips and that feeling to rise up in my chest. "Well then, by all means, keep saying it." She leaned in to press a soft kiss against the corner of my mouth."What else do you want to thank me for?"
"Mmm, I could think of a few things."
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
I think the entire South Side was crammed into that empty lot next to Mr. Whitlock's house, who was nowhere to be seen. There were multiple people barbecuing, tons of kegs and liquor and drugs going around, despite all of the young kids who were in attendance with their parents. It was a classic South Side party; the best and the worst at the same time.
Included in the Worst Category was my father, who was also in attendance. Luckily, if he did see me, he was ignoring me, but I think he was just too fucked up to notice my presence. Besides, basically everyone here fucking hated him, so if he tried any shit, it wouldn't go well for him.
As the three of us, Bella, Alice and myself, made our way through the crowd of people, I grabbed onto Bella's hand. I wasn't sure if she would be okay with the public display, but I didn't see anyone we knew nearby, and the urge to feel her skin against mine was getting too strong for me to manage. She said nothing, lacing her fingers with mine and squeezing my hand in return, so I figured it was fine.
Emmett found us over by the kegs. "What's up, party people!" He shouted, giving me a playful slap on the back. His eyes darted to where my hand was connected with Bella's quirking an eyebrow. Bella only held onto my hand tighter, which made my heart clench in my chest. Maybe she didn't mind being seen together like this.
"When are you guys just gonna admit you're together?" Emmett asked as he looked back up at me. I rolled my eyes in annoyance, but Bella spoke before I could retaliate.
"We're together."
I swear I stopped fucking breathing.
My face must have gave me away, because Emmett and Alice both started fucking laughing at me.
"Finally! Thank you, Bella. That secretive bullshit was starting to give me a headache." Alice laughed, making Bella giggle in return. Suddenly, my breathing felt too rapid, like I was going to pass the fuck out.
Bella just held my hand tighter as Emmett poured us each a beer. I squeezed it back, possibly too hard, but needed to assure her my silence wasn't due to discomfort- just fucking shock. I had been so convinced she didn't want to be seen with me…
"I brought some party favors, ya'll." Em said after we made ourselves comfortable by one of the multiple bonfires. "If you wanna get down and dirty."
Thank fucking God. Doing some blow might be the only thing that could save me from this perpetual state of shock I was in. "Fuck yeah," I said, finally breaking my silence and getting Bella to laugh beside me.
"Let's fucking party, then." She said, I shot a glance at Alice, who just shrugged. I guess I wasn't going to be lectured by her tonight. Maybe she'd get me tomorrow.
"I'm down to party, too." My sister squeaked out, and I could feel my eyes pop out of my head. Bella laughed again.
"Uh oh, is Big Brother gonna be okay with that?"
"Shut up, Bella," I grumbled. "Alice, do you even know what you're saying?"
"Jesus, Edward. Of course I do. We grew up in the same house, you think I don't know what drugs are?"
"The Mason Family and their drugs." Emmett laughed. "C'mon, fuckers. Follow me."
Em took us to a pickup truck parked down the street that most definitely wasn't his. "My buddy's." He said, answering my silent question as we all hopped in the cab.
I couldn't fucking watch as he handed my sister the little handheld mirror with the white powered on it. I couldn't fucking look away as she handed it to my Bella, fascinated and entranced once again by the grace she displayed, even doing something so nefarious.
She was so fucking sexy.
Finally, it was my turn, and the second the blow made its way up my nose, I felt infinitely better. Something about being with Bella in this capacity was freaking me the fuck out; some new fear spawning to life inside me, like if I let her out of my sight in front of all these people, I'd lose her. But the coke took me away from my thoughts, blasting me into the present, where I was sitting in the truck of some random dude's truck with my favorite people in the word.
Once we all had our share, we smoked one of Bella's perfectly rolled joints before heading back to the party. Bella was by my side constantly, most of the time with her hand pressed in mine. We only broke contact when we had to get a beer, or get a cigarette out of a pack, and even though those moments were brief, they were enough to fill me with that familiar longing for Bella's touch; her skin against mine.
As the night progressed, the crowd only grew. It seemed like most of our graduating class was in attendance, and as much as I didn't want to talk to those fuckers, the increasing amounts of beer and cocaine in my system made it easy. Especially with Bella by my side.
Eventually, the longest stretch of time I'd have to be disconnected from Bella came when she stood up on her tiptoes to whisper in my ear; "I gotta piss like a racehorse."
I laughed as I released her hand, though the lack of contact immediately stung, and I stood still as I watched her retreat towards the portapotties set up at the back of the lot.
Alice distracted me as I waited for my Bella to return. "I miss Jasper," she whined, leaning her head into my chest. "I want to hold his hand, too."
I chuckled at how pathetic she sounded, knowing I was at least ten times worse; I wanted to fucking cry because Bella went to the bathroom for five minutes, for Christ's sake. I had it fucking bad. "He'll be back in a few days, Alice," I told her. "You're gonna make it through this."
She playfully slapped my chest, and I kissed her head reassuringly.
I was feeling pretty fucked up- we all were, I assumed- and the passage of time was slipping by me as I stood and laughed with my sister. She was the one to point out Bella's extended absence.
"Do you think she fell in?" Alice laughed, but I immediately stiffened. Where the fuck did she go?
"Let's go find her." I said, grabbing my sister by the wrist and tugging her through the crowd with me. As we approached the bathrooms, I noticed Charlie Swan set up with a barbecue just a few feet away. I pointed him out to Alice. "She's probably with her dad."
"Hey there, kids!" Charlie greeted us when we reached him. "How's it going? Want some fish?"
Alice's little nose shriveled up at his offer- fish and cocaine definitely did not go well together.
"No thanks, Charlie. Have you seen Bella?"
He nodded, pointing towards the corner of the lot with the spatula he was wielding. "Over there talking to some friends, I think."
My already rapid heart rate increased as I dragged Alice towards the darkness Charlie pointed us towards. He was right; Bella was there amongst a group of kids from school, smoking and laughing. It wasn't until we got closer that I noticed who she was laughing with.
James.
Something akin to a growl rumbled through my chest, and I released Alice's wrist from my grasp as I approached the motherfucker talking to my girl.
"Hey, Edward!" Bella giggled, her little hand extending towards me. Though I ached to grab it, I couldn't move past the envious rage I felt radiating off of me.
"James." I greeted him with a stiff nod. Out of my peripheral, I noticed Bella tense up next to me. I was reminded of her jealousy on Valentine's Day, the way she bugged out on Lauren for flirting with me that night.
My fucking turn.
"What's going on, Eddy? I didn't know you've been spending so much time with my girl Bella."
Rage. Red, red rage flooded through me, so fast and strong that I barely even registered my fist slamming into the side of that prick's face.
"What the fuck, Edward?!" I heard Bella yell, her words slurring from her gratuitous intake of alcohol tonight. Still, her voice did nothing to stop me from swinging my fist back and into James' fucking face once again.
"You mother fucker!" He yelled before charging at me. His shoulder slammed into my gut, knocking me to the ground and knocking the wind out of me. As his fist collided with my face, I took the opportunity to pull my knee up directly into his balls- a trick I learned from Bella. It was quite effective.
James keeled over, and I took the chance to jump on top of him, once again throwing my fist into his face. Again and again. He fought back underneath me, but it wasn't enough to stop my assault as the vision of him in bed with Bella rattled through my mind. It wasn't until I felt two strong hands grab my shoulders that I registered the screaming going on around me.
Emmett pulled me off of James, who was now looking like a bloody mess as he rolled around on the ground. Standing up, I finally noticed the crowd that had gathered around us. My sister's giant blue eyes were tear filled as she gazed at me- I cringed at her expression before noticing Charlie Swan standing next to her, his arms crossed against his chest and a disapproving expression on his face.
Next to him stood Bella, wide eyed and mouth agape. She looked at me like she was… scared or something. It made no sense. How could she be scared of me? It should have been the other way around.
I remained in place for another moment to catch my breath as some kids helped James up from the ground. They supported him as they walked out of the crowd, throwing glares my way that I easily ignored. My eyes were glued to Bella, who was looking around frantically at all the people who watched the entire fight go down. She looked embarrassed.
"Fuck!" I yelled before turning around and stalking my way out of the crowd.
I heard the voices of my friends call after me, but ignored them. My mind flickered from James underneath me, bloodied and bruised, to Bella underneath me, moaning my name, to Bella underneath James, moaning his.
When I finally reached my destination- the truck with all of Emmett's drugs in it- I was fuming again. I could barely control myself as I slammed my fist into the side of the car, effectively putting a dent in it and, judging by the pain radiating from my knuckles, breaking my fucking hand.
"God damn it!" I yelled, knotting my good hand in my hair and sliding down the side of the truck. I held my legs against my chest, curled up on the ground and trying to get a fucking grip. Only a minute or two passed before I heard footsteps approaching. I looked up to see the offender. It was Bella.
She stood a few feet away from me, looking down at me with too many emotions running through her drug-glazed eyes for me to comprehend.
"What the fuck was that, Edward?" She spoke quietly.
I ignored her.
"Are you going to fucking answer me?" Now there was some of her familiar anger in her tone. It frightened me and excited me, conflicting emotions swirling through my already fragile mind.
"Fuck him." I muttered, looking back down towards my feet. What did she want from me, an explanation? I'm sure it was obvious enough.
"My fucking dad thinks your crazy now. Everyone else probably does, too. Even your fucking father was watching that shit go down. And I think you really fucked James up-"
"Shut the fuck up, Bella!" I yelled, cutting her off as I sprang back to my feet. I stalked closer to her, and she shrunk away, that frightened look in her eyes once again.
"Fuck you, asshole." She spat, straightening her posture. Though she looked afraid, she did not hold herself as such. She looked like she was ready to fucking take me down.
I hoped she did.
"Fuck you." I spat back at her.
"Why the fuck did you do that?" She growled through clenched teeth, reaching out and shoving me in the chest. I winced, a bit sore from the fight. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" She shoved me again. "Look at you! You're fucking bleeding! He's fucking strong, Edward! You're a fucking idiot!"
"He fucking deserved it!" I yelled back. "Fuck him! Why are you fucking defending him?"
"I'm not fucking defending him!" She was yelling, too. "He didn't do anything wrong to defend, anyway! You just showed up-"
"I'm not going to let him fucking touch you, Bella!"
"He wasn't fucking touching me! And if he was, I can take care of my fucking self! You don't need to get yourself hurt for me-"
I cut her off again. "Why the fuck do you care?"
"Because I fucking love you!"
The sudden silence in the air was deafening. All I could hear were her words running through my mind, over and over again.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
She doesn't. She can't. I can't let her.
"Don't fucking say that, Bella." My words came out quietly now.
I love you, I love you.
"What?" She squeaked out.
My entire body felt like it was on fire. That Bella-induced feeling in my chest raged, threatening to spit words out at her that I wasn't sure I could mean.
"I love you, sweet boy." Mom's soft voice spoke in my head.
"Happy New Year, sweet boy." Bella's came next.
No.
"Don't ever fucking say that again." I spoke through gritted teeth, afraid of what else I might say if I didn't maintain control.
I fucking love you.
I watched again as thousands of emotions swam through Bella's big eyes. Finally, they settled on anger. Thank God.
Time moved in slow motion as I watched my Bella's arm pull back. I stood absolutely still as I waited for her tiny fist to connect with my face, and when it did, I knew it should have hurt, but I felt nothing besides the burning in my chest.
"Fuck you." She spat at me one more time, before turning and walking away, leaving me alone once again.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~
Misery.
It had been a week since I had spoken to Bella. Every time I passed her in the halls at school, she looked the other way. When I waited outside to walk home with her and Alice, she was nowhere to be found.
"What did you do to her?" Alice asked when I'd finally confronted her about it, desperate to find out if she had spoken to Bella about me at all this past week. "She won't even talk to me, Edward."
"Doesn't matter." I mumbled, earning my sister's anger and disapproval once again. It didn't take long for her to start ignoring me, as well.
Fucking alone again.
My fight with James was the talk of the school that week. I looked fucked up; it was pretty fucking obvious I'd been hit, and I heard the student's whispers when I walked by.
James looked worse, though.
I kept my eye on him as much as I could, desperate to learn if Bella was giving him the time of day, or she was just ignoring everyone. When I snuck out of class to listen to her at her piano, she didn't play. She moved through the hallways like a shell, never smiling or laughing like high school seniors were supposed to do.
It seemed she was, actually, ignoring everyone. I felt guilty about the relief that fact elicited out of me.
But as the week went on, the aching desire to touch Bella was getting too strong for me to handle. Her declaration of love ran its way through my mind on a non stop loop, making that swelling feeling inside my chest grow stronger and stronger until I felt I was about to burst.
A few times, I wondered: Was it love?
I had to push that thought out of my head as quickly as it came. Even if it was… love… even if I loved her, it didn't change anything. The striking parallels between our relationship and my parents were blinding, and I could not let her fall victim to the Masen Family History. She would not drown.
Still, by Friday, it was getting to be too much. I felt like I was going through fucking withdrawals; I felt cold and clammy all the time, I couldn't sleep. All I could do was imagine the feeling of my Bella's skin on mine; the warm electrical current her touch sent through me. I needed it. I craved it like a drug. And my Friday, my resolve had completely dissolved. I was going to relapse. I had to.
I stood outside the school doors and the end of the day as I usually did, ignoring Alice when she raised a brow at me. Bella did not exit the school until nearly every student was gone.
She looked exhausted. There were bags under her eyes, and her usually perky body was sluggish as she made her way out the door. When we finally made eye contact, she froze, her entire body stiffening. For a second I thought she was going to run away, but after a deep breath, her feet moved again and she met me half way across the parking lot. I stopped a few feet in front of her.
"Can we talk?" I asked.
"I'd rather not."
"Please, Bella?"
With an exasperated sigh, she motioned for me to walk. Looking behind my shoulder constantly, as I was scared she wasn't going to follow, I led her to the spot behind the school where I had kissed her for the first time.
"What do you want, Edward?" She spoke emotionlessly, though her eyes gave her away. She was upset.
Fuck. What did I want? I hadn't planned out a single thing to say to her.
Needing to feel her touch, I reached out to grab her hand, but she jerked it away from me. My heart felt like it had cracked, painful and sharp.
"What do you fucking want?" She asked again, raising her voice a bit this time.
"I just… wanted to see you. I miss you."
She laughed, a humorless sound. "Okay. Well, here I am. Happy?"
"No." I muttered.
"So this was for nothing, then. Thanks for wasting my time." She spat, turning as if she were about to walk away.
"No, wait, Bella." I pleaded, my arms once again reaching out to grab her. This time I pulled them back before she had a chance to deny me again. It hurt less this way, for sure.
"What? I'm not doing this with you, Edward."
"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry about everything. I never should have hit James. I freaked out, okay? I was fucked up. I'm sorry."
She laughed incredulously once again. "You really think that's what this is about? James? I couldn't give a fuck less about James."
"I-I know." I stuttered out. "I know that. I'm just sorry."
"Is that all?"
"Um," My breath was increasing, my heart pounding in my chest. What was I going to say to her?! "Maybe we could, like, hang out tonight? You don't have to come over, maybe we can just talk and-"
"Edward." She interrupted me. Gazing into her eyes, I saw that sadness once again. It nearly broke me.
"Bella." I whispered.
"I'm leaving."
"I-I…okay. That's fine. We don't have to hang out today. Maybe next week…" I was stuttering like an idiot, I knew that, but I couldn't get myself to stop talking. "Maybe we can go to the beach next week, you know, with everyone? It doesn't have to be a thing. We can just…"
The look in her eyes finally made me shut up. She shook her head slowly, like she was trying to explain something to a child. "No, Edward. I'm leaving Chicago."
Pain wrecked its way through my chest, nearly knocking the wind out of me. I heard the gasping noise come from my lungs, but couldn't stop it.
"What? No. Why? Where are you going?" The questions rattled from my mouth. I couldn't control them.
"To live with my Mom in Phoenix. I gotta get out of here."
"What?" I asked again. "Why? Your moms a fucking addict! Why would you do that?! Why would you live with her?"
"I don't need her to fucking take care of me, Edward. I just need to get the fuck out of this city."
"Why?" The desperation in my voice was so pathetic, I was surprised she wasn't fucking laughing at me by now.
"Because I can't stay here! I can't be around you anymore!" She started yelling. "I love you, and it's driving me fucking crazy! I can't think, I-I can't focus!" Tears were welling up in her eyes, making them sparkle more than they usually did. I was momentarily mesmerized by them. "I'm fucking leaving, Edward!"
She turned on her heels, stalking away from me. I felt as though my body was going to split itself open. For a moment, I thought maybe I was having a heart attack.
"Wait, Bella!" I called after her. "Please, please stay." I was begging, now, officially.
She spun around once again, and I saw the tears pouring down her cheeks. My heart cracked again. "Why should I, Edward?"
"I-I…" I wanted to plead, wanted to give her a good reason to stay. I almost let the words slip from my mouth before I caught myself. If I said them now, I would never be able to let her go.
I had to.
"I don't know." I finally answered, letting my gaze drop down to my feet. It was honest, at least.
I heard the small whimper come from her, but did not look up to see her face. I couldn't bear it.
"Goodbye, Edward." She said before finally walking away from me. My knees shook in place as I kept my eyes on the ground. It wasn't until I couldn't hear her footsteps any longer that I allowed them to give out, sinking to the ground.
That was it. She was gone. I had finally been brave enough to let her go.
She was saved.
A/N 2.0 - DON'T HATE ME! I told you it would be a bumpy road! It might even get bumpier! But as promised- my Edward and Bella always get their HEA. Love y'all to the moon!
