A/N: so many things to do in this life, so little time... :( thanks for your patience and i promise to have at least one more chapter out this week, hopefully two!!!

Edit: just realized the formatting was all fKed up, I fixed it :)

Chapter 37

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me!" Edward's voice, which had gotten stronger as the hours passed, rang out from his hospital room.

I was outside in a vain attempt to keep the peace while Jasper and Emmett visited him.

Alice, who was also in her brother's room with Rosalie, poked her head out into the hallway.

"Bella, Edward is strongly requesting your presence."

Inside, I found Jasper and Emmett tucked into the corner of the room. Alice took a seat next to Edward, and Rose stood across the room from her boyfriend, glowering at him.

Edward glared at his friends. "Don't you have something to say?"

"We're sorry, Bella," Jasper murmured, his eyes glued to the floor.

"Yeah, we are." Emmett agreed. Both of the boys sounded properly scolded, and I held back a smile. Edward sure had a way with words.

"It's nothing, guys. I don't blame you for being angry."

"Bella," Edward snarled from his bed, and I couldn't contain my smile any longer.

There was something so funny about a testy Edward, and it was a testament to his healing - back to the status quo.

"It's not funny." He grumbled, letting his head fall back on the pillow and staring up at the ceiling.

Carlisle came in and talked to him this morning, going over the grueling recovery he had ahead of him. I didn't blame him for his bad mood - I would have been pretty upset if I found out I couldn't walk for months, too. There was some good news in the finding that Edward could, indeed, wiggle his toes - something Dr. Webber was not anticipating - but still, that didn't change the fact that he had a long way to go before he was anywhere near normal again.

"It's a little funny," I told him, walking over to the bed and pushing his greasy hair off his forehead. That was another thing making him cranky - his hair was dirty, his facial hair overgrown, and he was definitely giving off an odor that said 'I've been unconscious in the hospital for a week.' Dr. Webber denied him a shower, being that he couldn't stand and still had open wounds, but told us he'd have a nurse come in for a sponge bath tonight.

That really pissed Edward off, until it was decided that I would do the washing. Turns out, his dick was still in working condition. That improved his mood a bit.

Carlisle came in the room, then, interrupting Edward's relenting and earning another smile from me.

"Hey there, kids. Good to see you all in the same room again."

Edward scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, Carlisle. Sorry for being dicks." Jasper said.

Carlisle waved him off. "Everyone copes with tragedy differently. No harm done on my end." He glanced over at me.

I shrugged. "Me either."

Carlisle's returning smile was warm before he turned to look at Edward.

"I do have some bad news, unfortunately. I have to break this little party up early. The cops are here, and they want to talk to you."

Edward groaned. "Well, I don't want to talk to them. I have nothing to fucking say."

"They need a statement, Edward."

He groaned again, lifting his arms to push his fists into his eyes. "Fine," he sighed. "See you guys tomorrow?"

"Of course, my man," Emmett said, approaching the bed to ruffle Edward's hair. He grimaced. "See you tomorrow, dude. Good luck. And, uh, sorry again, Bella."

I just shook my head, dismissing him with a small smile. Rose hugged me on her departure, and Alice kissed my cheek. "See you tomorrow, Bella."

When only Carlisle remained, I leaned down to press a kiss to Edward's forehead. "Good luck with your chat."

His hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. "You're not leaving, right?"

Carlisle chucked. "Bella doesn't leave."

I felt my face heat up at his words, though I didn't know why. He knew I'd been here this whole time, anyway.

"I'll just wait outside. I'll be back as soon as you're done."

Edward's returning pout made me giggle, so I leaned down to kiss his lips.

"I love you," he muttered against my mouth, sending butterflies shooting through my stomach, despite the circumstances.

"I love you, too."

I was outside smoking my first cigarette in what felt like forever. It helped calm me down, though I wish I'd thought to bring some fucking weed with me. I decided I'd ask Alice to bring some tomorrow.

Edward waking up changed everything; I could finally breathe, for starters. I finally held the confidence that he would be okay, because, despite what the doctors told me, it was hard to convince myself that was true.

It brought on a whole new slew of concerns, though. Jacob being on the loose was, obviously, the most pressing. I had no idea where he would have gone - going back to Phoenix was too obvious, and staying in Chicago was just downright stupid. Secretly, I wished I would find him myself, so I could kill him.

It sounds crazy, but that's really how I felt. I wanted him to die, and I wanted to watch it happen. I wanted him to know why it was happening, too.

Okay - I know that's unfair, considering it was my fault and all. I lied and I cheated on a man I tried to love, who I told that I loved, and that was the catalyst for the whole disaster. Of course, I didn't forget that. If he shot me, I could have forgiven him.

I can't forgive him for shooting Edward.

But he was nowhere to be found, and I had absolutely no resources to find him. All I could do was hope the cops caught up with him and locked him the fuck up, away from me and away from Edward, and hopefully we could forget he ever existed.

Yeah, right.

Back in the hallway by Edward's room, I watched as the two officers who interviewed me days prior walked out of his doorway.

I popped up from my chair, heading over to them.

"Um, hi," I started, obviously uncomfortable speaking to the police. "I'm Bella. Uh, Isabella Swan. We talked the other day?"

The smaller of the two men nodded. "Yeah, I remember. How can I help you, Isabella?"

"I was just wondering if…" I cleared my throat. "If you have any leads. On Jacob."

The other officer sighed. "We were hoping maybe you had some new information for us."

"Me?" I asked, my voice raising three octaves in my incredulity. "Trust me, if I knew where he was, he would be fucking-"

"Bella!" Carlisle's voice cut me off as he headed down the hallway towards us. "Sorry to interrupt." He said to the officers, who just waved him off and told us they'd keep in touch before leaving.

Carlisle smirked at me. "I had a feeling you were going to put your foot in your mouth just then."

"I think you're right." I nodded. "Thanks, Carlisle."

He put a fatherly hand on my shoulder and squeezed. "Go back into Edward before he starts throwing a fit. I have to say, for a man who just got out of a coma, he is remarkably himself."

"Cranky and irreverent?" I asked, and Carlisle laughed.

"Yes, that. I'll see you in the morning, Bella. Have a good night."

"Took you long enough," Edward grumbled as I approached his bedside.

"I think the cops left about four minutes ago," I told him.

"Exactly."

I laughed, taking my new spot next to him in the bed. I was lucky to be so small - Edward could barely move enough to scoot over, but I managed to fit right into the space on his left.

I pressed my face into his shoulder and he leaned his cheek against the top of my head.

"They asked if I wanted to press charges."

I stiffened. I had considered this possibility - as I said, I was the catalyst for the whole thing - but I didn't think Edward would do it, now that he was awake and seemingly adamant about pretending I held no guilt.

"Oh," I said after a moment. "And what did you say?"

"That I had to think about it. I wanted to ask you, first. I know you probably still care about him, and I don't want to…"

"Wait," I cut him off, lifting my head so I could look him in the eye. "Press charges against Jacob? Why the fuck wouldn't you?"

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I just told you why. Who did you think I meant?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Me?" I felt my face heat up again. Blushing wasn't usually my thing, but I seemed to be doing it a lot now.

Now Edward's eyebrows pulled down, angry. "Are you fucking serious, Bella? Why the fuck would I do that?"

"Because it's my fault," I said, pressing my face against his arm once again.

His hand came under my chin, lifting until he could meet my eyes again. I blinked back my rapidly oncoming tears, and he frowned.

"Bella," His voice was quiet now, and his thumb came out to sweep up a tear I didn't realize had fallen. "I've seen you cry way too much recently. I don't want to see it anymore."

"I-I'm sorry," I stuttered out, squeezing my eyes shut and hoping I could squash the rest of my tears.

"And you've been saying that too much." He added, tucking a loose piece of hair behind my ear. "I don't blame you for anything, Bella. If anything, I blame myself."

"That's ridiculous," I managed to croak out, opening my bleary eyes to see his face. "Why would you even say that?"

"You told me to leave that night. I should have listened."

I scoffed out a laugh. "Shut up, Edward. That's insane."

"It's true, though."

"It is most definitely not your fault," I said through clenched teeth, angry now. "You know whose fault it is? Jacob fucking Black. I hope that mother fucker rots in fucking hell for doing this to you."

Edward's lips turned up into a small smile. "Exactly. It's only Jake's fault."

I shivered at his words. "Don't even say his name, Edward. I can't bear to hear it."

He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss on the side of my mouth.

"I-I told him," I said, the words coming out without any mental filter. "I told him that night about you. About us, and he was so angry… I told him I loved you, and he just snapped."

Edward was quiet for a moment. "I didn't know you told him."

I nodded, letting my forehead fall forward onto his. "That's why I told you to leave, because he was finally calming down and I knew seeing you would…" I sighed. "Well, you know what happened."

Edward was quiet again before he said "thank you."

I lifted my head so I could look at him. "For what? Almost getting you killed?"

"Will you stop with that, Bella? Jesus Christ!" He exclaimed, making me wince. His hand reached out to grip mine, then, and he brought my knuckles up to his lips and kissed them. "Thank you for telling him, I mean. That… means a lot to me."

"Of course, I told him. I would have told him sooner if I knew…" I trailed off, my voice getting scratchy with emotion. "If I knew that you loved me, too. I would have left him months ago."

"I love you so, so much Bella. So much its sickening, really. I should probably be mentally evaluated."

I choked out a laugh, a real one this time, and leaned in to kiss him. He kissed me back in earnest, letting his tongue slide against my bottom lip. I suppressed a shiver.

"I told you, I'm sure I was only moments away from being committed, myself," I said when we broke the kiss. "It was an ugly display of love, sure, but it was love, nonetheless."