Chapter 13 (when the party's over)
A beautiful twilight sky and a soft breeze greet her when she opens her eyes. Her head pounds with a throbbing pain and for a moment she can only think about the ache in her body, can only see bright white stars of pain with each blink. With a groan, she sits up, feeling the dirt shift under her fingers as she moves, there are clumps of it clinging to her vest and pants. Her throat hurts. Her wrist is in fucking agony. She swallows hard, and her eyes water from the pain even that simple movement brings. She looks around confused, trees encircle her and she-.
Where is she? She tries to remember but her mind is slow, sluggish, and pulsing with a headache. She presses dirt covered fingers to her temples trying to relieve some of the pain.
She looks down at her clothes, a thick tan vest, and pants. Blood caked on them. She freezes.
Whose blood is that?
She presses fingers to her vest, noticing the mesh armor underneath. Confusion races through her as she shifts and feels a heavy weight against her right leg. Her weapons, she realizes dully before blinking and wincing as her head throbs.
Who... is she?
She looks up startled when she hears a squeak and sees a tiny brown mouse rush forward. The mouse looks at her with big brown eyes, and a headband with an hourglass like symbol in it. She stares at the mouse a moment before a jarring sharp pain between her eyes flares white hot.
'A taller woman with dark violet hair. Blood on her thumb and a scroll on the counter. "Here is your first summons. Her name is Chizu, she'll take good care of you, Akira." There is a soft smile, a nod and the mouse on the counter jumps up with a squeak and a peace symbol. She sees her own name written on the scroll: Akira Sato.'
She blinks hard, tears prickling in the corners of her eyes as she gasps hard, chest heaving as she desperately sucks down oxygen. She looks at the little mouse- Chizu with surprise.
"You're-you're my summons, I'm a shinobi... my name is Akira Sato." She huffs pieces clicking together in her mind. The little mouse nods and her eyes dart away from Akira before looking back quietly. Akira blinks confused and surprised at the little mouses movements. She slowly turns around.
She sees him then.
Bright red hair, dark eyelids, and a red scar on the side of his forehead. He looks almost peaceful with his closed dark eyes, slumped on his side and small against his gourd. But Akira blinks at him, dazed still, as she scans his body quickly.
Was he breathing?... Was that blood?
She scrambles, heart jumping into her throat when she catches sight of the now darken red speckles on his face. She quickly undoes the collar on his coat, fingers pressing against his throat and counting his pulse.
She only pulls back after checking his vitals, seeing that there is hardly any wounds on him, and carefully wiping blood off his face to the best of her abilities.
She sits back on her heels and stares at him.
Who the hell is he?
And how can she still remember how to check vitals but not his name?
She looks down at her hands, dirty, rough, calloused, with sturdy fat fingers and nails bitten down. They didn't look like shinobi hands, and less like a healers. Yet the worry, the panic, she felt at seeing him unconsciousness had been real. The more she stares at his face, blood splattered and exhausted looking, the harder it is to figure out who he is.
She pauses a moment, still at the possibility that her worry for him, is for a different reason.
Slowly she reaches for a kunai.
Chizu squeaks racing up the boy and holds out her paws, signaling Akira to stop.
"…. He's my teammate?" Akira asks softly as Chizu nods and she sighs, relief hitting her as she looks at the boy again. "I need to find shelter for us then. I-I don't have any memories and I'm getting very close to running out of chakra. Will you look for a place for us please?" the tiny mouse nods and rushes away quickly.
Akira heaves a sigh, trying to breath out her new frustration at not know anything about the situation she is in now. Just knowing that she is a shinobi, the boy next to her is her teammate and-. She pauses looking him over again, what the hell is with the gourd? She sighs again, bubbling with irritation before she moves unbuckling the boys vest. She carefully works him away from the giant gourd, pushing and pulling his body as gently as she can. She'll come back for it later. She lifts him up with a struggle, his stupid coat flaps getting in the way for most of it and her body aches in protest as she heaves him on her back. He's so damn heavy to carry, but they must get to safety and out of this area, she pointedly refuses to look at the dead bodies surrounding them and fights off a shudder at the carnage. She manages to get his limp body onto her back with a bit more force than intended. She makes a note to herself to check his head once she regains more chakra. He hasn't given any hints to waking yet, and Akira being rougher than intended in getting him on her back certainly should have done something to the boy.
She struggles to walk with the weight on her back, making her bow forward more than she likes, but Chizu is back soon waving her arms to follow her, and Akira does.
The cave she has found is blissfully close, but is also quite a ways uphill and Akira looks at it with dread in her gut. She glances at the boy, whose head is resting limply against her shoulder, his breath on her neck and she lets out a hard sigh. She feels her chest involuntary tighten at the sight of the boy, resting uneasily on her shoulder and she shifts him a little with a heavy sigh. He hasn't moaned or moved much but his breathing is still even, still deep and warm on her skin from him now nestled in the crook of her neck.
Whoever he is, he better he damn grateful when he wakes up, she thinks as she struggles up the hill.
Her breath is coming in short pants when she finally gets to the cave. The vest is cutting into her arms and the boy seems to weigh even more now. Her legs shake from the effort and she's feels like she's drenched in sweat. She smiles a little at the mouth of the cave, it's dark, empty and not damp surprisingly. It'll do for now as she takes a step and collapses.
"Fuck!" she hisses, her chin bouncing off the cavern floor as she takes majority of the fall. Careful to keep the redhead from hitting the floor as hard as she did. Unfortunately now though, he's pressed against her uncomfortably. She was already warm before; his added body heat only making it worse. Akira shoves him off rougher than intended and she winces a little when he flops to the side.
"Sorry." She croaks as she lays panting on the cool cave floor as Chizu squeaks. Her large brow eyes worried as her little pink nose twitches at Akira.
"I'm fine. Just... exhausted... and I can't remember anything... but other than that," she swallows hard, trying to even out her breath, damning the hill outside. "You can go Chizu. I don't have enough chakra to keep you much longer." Chizu looks at her worried a moment before nodding once.
She waves almost sadly before disappearing in a puff of smoke.
Akira watches the smoke drift away, resting her head against the cavern floor enjoying the stone sapping her of her warmth for a moment. She pushes herself up after a moment and rolls her head around, stretching her stiff neck, before looking over at the boy.
"Ok... you're out as fuck," she says as she crawls over to him. "Let's see what you have on you."
After patting the boy down, (and realizing she really should have asked Chizu for his name), Akira takes stock of the inventory, swallows some pain pills and after an irritating round of throbbing headaches and massaging her sore jaw, quickly fumbles over setting up traps and a cover for the cave. She looks over their provisions, their mission scroll, other supplies and pulls out her own empty scroll.
"Ok, so my name is Akira Sato, I went on mission with you over a week ago, and your still out but your fine, and that's fine. I know from the map we're from Suna, and I know… your important to me." Her eyes travel over to him as he sleeps, and she stares a moment before turning away. The worry at seeing him so still bothers her more than it should. Her head still hurts, and her mind is a mess but the few facts she knows in her bones are true assure her. She quickly writes down what she remembers, hoping to keep track of it for now and trying to shove the small nagging doubt of her not being entirely sure if what she remembers is true.
The memory that sprang out before is clear enough. Her headband with the village symbol is enough.
And her reaction at seeing the boy injured despite not knowing his name still, is enough too.
Now if only he would wake up so she could stop talking to an unconscious person... that would be fantastic.
She wishes the scroll had his name on it. She had only found her own mission scroll and it is normal that they don't state teammates. If they are captured and the scroll is found by an enemy, it is safer to keep basic information like names out of them. Akira sighs hard and quickly changes, throwing on a black long-sleeved shirt she found in the boy's things under her vest. She reasons he won't mind her wearing it since she doesn't remember anything and even if it's too big, it'll do for now. She tries not to think that the smell is familiar and comforting in a way that involuntarily makes her chest flutter and her muscles relax, she still needs to find water. She looks at the boy one more time before checking her traps and carefully heading off.
It's a real honest harder struggle to get his stupid heavy ass gourd into the cave than it was him, but she manages. When she's done though she sits down taking a longer break since she will only have to travel out of the cave once more as she pants. She can't help but shoot the boy a glare though. Did he really have to carry a giant damn gourd of fucking sand everywhere? Couldn't he carry a travel sized one? He just had to bring one almost bigger than her. She is grateful at having stripped him of his armored vest. She realized coming back for the gourd she could have left the vest in place, but after adjusting it just enough to fit over her own vest, wearing it had helped her get the damned thing back here. She quickly unbuckles the vest, letting the gourd hit the ground with a heavy thud before shoving it closer to the boy. She had placed him away from the entrance, tucked against the wall with a thermal blanket thrown over him, and was glad to find him safe and warm as she had left him.
Akira sighs as she leans against the cave wall and looks at the boy, her face softening. He is handsome, and his coloring are quite complementary of one another, but she still doesn't recognize him too much. She eyes his scar, bright red against pale skin, the slope of his nose regal and straight. His jaw square but still round from youth. He is familiar in a vague sense but that is as much thought as she's willing to give it.
She hasn't tried to think about him too much, or about who she is anymore than she already has. It would be a lie if she wasn't rattled. Deep down she's scared, and she doesn't know where they are. Just knows that to the east of them is a clearing with dead bodies strewn about and that isn't a place she wants to go back to. Besides it hurt too much to try and remember now, and she needs to keep her wits about her in order to keep them safe. Now is not the time she reasons and also gives a half-ass excuse that the pain pills just started working as she rolls her head stretching out her neck again. A part of her is worried though that she won't ever remember if she doesn't try soon. She moves to a stand, hands shaking as she grabs the water container, and heads out.
Akira races into the forest, quickly and carefully as she moves soundlessly through the woods. She takes some peace in the familiarity of moving through the woods, in the muscle memories of leaping from branch to branch. She stops when she finally finds a small pool of water. She fills the container scanning for any other ninjas and is careful to purify it before turning to head back.
Until she sees something out of the corner of her eye.
She spins around, kunai out, and her stance low, her heart thunderous in her chest. She scans the trees and lets out a shaky breath before inching closer to the waters edge. She looks down into the clear pool before jumping in alarm.
A dark-eyed girl stares back at her, choppy dark hair tied back loosely and a headband covering her forehead. There are scratches on her face, cuts on her lips, and dark finger shaped bruises on her neck. She looks ragged, shaken and hurt. The girl blinks along with her and Akira jerks back.
It's her reflection.
She stares at herself a moment longer, before letting out a shaky breath.
She hadn't even recognized herself. A sick feeling of worry spreads in her and she turns running away quickly back to the cave.
She almost trips the trap, throwing herself inside the cave and she presses herself against the wall shaking. Now isn't the time, but the fear leaves her muscles in an uncomfortable mix of quaking and frozen. She wants to remember but the thought of an outside threat, and the mind-numbing pain with remembering gives her pause. She can't afford to fuck up now, with her chakra being so low and her ally unconscious in the corner of the fucking cave. But there hadn't been any enemies around, she hadn't sensed anything at the waters edge.
Panic still fills her as she shakily brings the canteen to her lips, swallowing a gulp. She shuffles over to the boy brushing back his hair gently before tilting his head up. She makes him drink slowly, before softly resting his head back down. She glances at him again and wonders what kind of mission they were on. She doesn't even know if they completed it, how long she was out for and... Maybe it's better to remember something isn't it? Thinking about the boy, the mission and what attacked them would be useful insight, she reasons. She glances at the redhead and bites her lip. A part of her is glad he's still sleeping, he looks tired, but another part of her wishes he could wake up and tell her who she is now.
"Ok I- We need to get back home. I need to know what attacked us, and you're not waking up." She says as she rubs her hands on her faces and lets out another sigh. She needs to stop sighing so much, it won't help, she thinks as she shifts to sit cross-legged next to him.
She can't explain why she wants to brush the hair away from his face some more, to scan him over once again because she's so terribly worried over him. She looks at him, at his dark eyelids, and bright red hair, and she wishes his mint eyes would just open-.
She pauses, did she... did she remember his eye color just now?
Akira let's out a startled cry as her vision goes dark for a moment at the intense pain in her head. Her jaw clenches as she tries to breathe through the pain.
'Soft light illuminates a quiet room, two mugs on a table their steam intermingling in the air, gentle fingers brushing through her hair, then mint eyes looking at her a light in them she hasn't seen before. She's safe here, with him, in the quiet.'
Akira let's out choppy pants and huffs as the pain resides slightly and she feels her cheeks burn from the memory. Her heart skips a beat with a hard thud, and she clears her throat. A mix of embarrassment and warmth fill her as she lets out a soft huff of air.
It's a good thing Chizu told her they were teammates, she tries to think, to distract herself. Akira shakes her head and eases herself into a meditative seat deciding to follow through on trying to remember. She takes another breath and thinks about mint eyes and quiet nights, and when the pain comes this time she forces steady breaths and tries to relax.
'Their shoulders are pressed against each other, she's pointing at a constellation and he tilts his head closer to hers. She moves and when their eyes meet she smiles, happy, relaxed. He gives her something akin to a small smile but not quite. She feels his name on her tongue as she moves to sit up, to get some tea. "Gaara do you want anything?" He shakes his head.'
'Gaara and the violet haired woman again, dark red fruit that bursts on her tongue in a bite of sour and sweet. She's laughing when her and the boy- Gaara -eat it all. The dark violet haired woman laughs with them and hands them another fruit. "Thanks momma!" "Anytime Akira." A smile and then… distance? in soft lavender eyes.'
'She's sinking into the sand with every step. It's hard to walk on without chakra and she frowns. She looks at the violet haired- her mother -and she sighs. She knows why Suna, knows because of him.'
'Trees where falling, her wrist aches, and she is scared. Heart pounding fear, her hands shaking, her legs aching to run, and she rises unsteady. Yellow diamond eyes are seared into her mind.'
'Gaara is grunting over the sink, worry fills her. "Hey are you-?" she stops short as yellow diamond eyes look back. Shukaku.'
'He's chasing her in the forest. He can smell her blood. Chizu stops her before she throws her clothes and the little brown mouse comes up with a plan with her. Her mother's jutsu-.'
'"Come on Akira. You'll be ok." A man in front of her, with familiar dark eyes and dark hair. "You're Papa's here. You're ok, I need to take the kunai out ok?" her eyes wonder down to her leg. A kunai buried deep in the muscle of her thigh. So little against the metal. She was little. She was only seven, why was this happening? Didn't she do good in training? Why was she being punished? The numbness from adrenaline that took the edge off was fading fast. "Deep breath honey please." Her father pleads and suddenly the kunai is out, large hands on her thigh trying to stop the blood, and she screams.'
Akira gasps, face wet from tears streaming down, as she curls in on herself. She presses fingers to her thigh, and feels a rough scar through her pants. It was all real, too real, she shudders and takes a handful of her pants in her hands, rubbing the material desperately trying to convince herself that the memory was years ago. That she is not freshly cut, even if her thigh throbs in distant pain. It was too many at once, too much at once, and her head is pounding again. Each pulse of her heart another thud of pain to the onslaught. She breathes in shaky and can't help but sob, loud and ugly as the last memory presses on her. A soft beat of pain behind her lids, and a new kind of agony as she curls further and lays on her side next to Gaara. Tear blur her vision as the memory softly comes into view in her mind's eye and she lets out another shaky throaty sob.
Her father, with dark hair and eyes that once shown like honey in the sun, the same coloring's she inherited, dead on the ground, his golden eyes closed like he was sleeping and her mother looking on without a tear.
Akira hugs her legs close as she sobs hard, her throat clenching, as mourns her father.
Gaara is standing before the bars of the new container as Shukaku glares at him from the other side. No longer a vast chasm that it once was but now a cage of steel and stone, the dim light that illuminates Shukaku's barren side shines just above the beast. Not even a speck of sand remains on Shukaku's side, while warm sand is piled on his. He can feel the warm sun on skin, and a gentle breeze. If the beast had it his way, Gaara would have died as soon as those yellow eyes landed on him. Yet Gaara couldn't find it in him to care, considering Shukaku had successfully driven a wedge between him and Akira. He does of course still care about her, is sure there is still friendship. But now Gaara isn't sure what he felt before, if he could ever feel that again without wondering if it is Shukaku again.
And a bigger part of him is sadden by that fact. He was happy then.
Gaara tilts his chin up a little more, not totally unfazed since he is now more annoyed at the gaze.
"I don't see why you're still here." Shukaku hisses. "You already have me successfully trapped. I can no longer mess with you, demon-child."
"You know why I'm here." His voice is monotone as usual, but Shukaku detects a bit more malicious in the words.
"Oh yes, you wanted to make nice," Shukaku snorts. "Even after what I did you really think-."
"You said it yourself, you're already trapped here. Akira's jutsu would have stabilized the seal, and thus making it so you no longer can manipulate me. I just wanted you to know I'm sorry it had to come this way. But I will not allow you to hurt the village or the people that I care for." Shukaku's eyes narrow as he sits up straighter, not wanting to lower himself down to Gaara's level.
"I am the Great and Mighty Shukaku of the Sand. I cause pain and misery and drive anyone who tries to keep me trapped to insanity. Don't make me laugh at your attempt to apologize." He growls as Gaara lowers his head from the demon's gaze.
"You're correct. I am not sorry as of now, I am not sorry for this because Akira is alive, and the village untouched. But I do regret it having to come to this." Gaara's seafoam eyes meet Shukaku's and the demon pauses at the look. There isn't sadness, malicious, anger or anything he is accustomed to, anything he was expecting.
There is only genuine regret and he blinks at the boy.
"I do wish that one day, we could accept the hand we've been dealt. I did not ask for you to be bound to me. And I know you dislike being in here. But instead of hurting each other, an understanding would be best." He offers and Shukaku finally breaks.
He doubles over cackling loudly and all but screeches in delight.
The bars don't shake like they used to but Gaara still jerks back in surprise as the demon pushes himself into the ground looking at the boy.
"You won't be saying that much long you idiot!" he cackles as Gaara looks at him confused. "I ruined that girl. I devastated her." He giggles and he presses his face into the ground his huge body shaking as he tries to contain himself.
"What did you-?" Gaara starts to ask, is hesitant as Shukaku presses close to the bars, his yellow diamond eyes so bright against the dimly lit room that Gaara could see his reflection in them.
"I broke her seal. Her mind is chaos." He wheezes as he tries to tell Gaara the rest.
Of how he managed to wiggle out of the chains by melting to sand. How when the light brightened he stopped Gaara's consciousness with his own just to get one last punch in. How she screamed and wailed and cried because of him. He watches as the boy expression changes from surprise, to concern, to rage and disgust. He watches as his brows furrow and his lips start to curl as pure anger and hatred radiate from the child. From his Gaara.
"When you go back, n-no matter how you feel now, it doesn't m-matter because your Akira will be gone!" He finishes glee in his eyes, and Gaara can see himself in the reflection still, can see how utterly terrifying he looks. He looks like his old self.
He takes in a ragged breath and turns away from Shukaku and growls at the beast.
"Akira is stronger than you think. You are not leaving. And-." He pauses still turned from the beast before he starts walking away entirely.
"And one day, you will realize, that I do regret this." He finishes because even after all the terrors as a child, after everything Shukaku has done to him, if Gaara has learned anything it was that forgiving and acceptance is hard to do.
But he is trying.
Shukaku growls lowly as he watches the boy walk away. He's certainly has grown more than he cares to admit, he had felt that Gaara had been genuine about the regret, had known the boy wished they got along better with having to be forced together. But Shukaku was a demon, is a demon, and would always be a demon. And there is no changing that.
Fire dancing on a stone wall and the press of hard cool rock against his back great him as Gaara shifts and opens his eyes. His body is sore from the over use of chakra and his mind is groggy with being actively conscious again. His back hurts like he had fallen on his gourd, and he half wonders if that is what happened. He can smell some kind of meat roasting and he blinks at the light flickering and dancing on the cavern wall wearily. Gaara turns toward the light, wincing from the bright campfire and moves to sit up. The thermal blanket it over him barely makes it past his chest when he freezes at hearing someone shift closer to him.
"Stop," Firm hands press against his shoulders and push him back down and he is too surprised to fight it. "Does it hurt anywhere specifically?" his gaze lands on her silhouette, the fire too bright in the dark cave to see her fully, as she shifts to his side, chakra pumping in him at a steady pace as she scans. Its familiar now from those many nights spent with her but he swallows as he realizes it is off slightly. Something about her is off
"No, my back is sore but-." He answers and stops when she shoves her hands underneath him and presses upwards. Gaara blinks at the urgency and slight roughness of the gesture and flips onto his stomach willingly, warm chakra sinks into aching muscles and he lets out a breath closing his eyes a moment as the chakra relaxes them. The slightly off feeling of it is starting to be less noticeable as the familiarity washes over.
Maybe he imagined it?
"No broken bones anywhere, your muscles are stiff, but I just relaxed them. That should help. Sit up now." She leans away giving him some room as he moves.
His eyes are locked on her once he's up, still scanning and trying to see her face, and Akira ignores the racing in her chest. The memories of before, of what they were, press against her and she hardly wants to focus on their relationship when she has so many other questions to be asking. Her fingers and hands press against his chest, his neck, and he takes deep breaths as instructed and she's grateful to a degree at how easy of a patient he is being. When she's satisfied and done, she goes to move, to give him and herself some space but he tilts his head trying to catch her eyes.
"Akira," he says her name in a breath.
It had shocked her originally how ingrained her medical training was. The instinct, calculations, looking at vitals and scanning for wounds had seemed like muscle memory more than anything. She shouldn't be surprised that seeing him up and moving made her more relaxed. She shouldn't be shocked at how much he effected her based on the memories she had remembered. They were close, so close that being with him felt as natural to her as taking vitals. She shouldn't be surprised, to react to him in the way she is doing, like being with him is also a motor memory.
So she shouldn't have been so surprised that she can't help but turn when he calls her name.
His mint eyes lock onto hers and its just as she feared as her head starts to pound and throb and hurt.
She gives out a small cry at the sudden break and he reaches for her on his own instinct he can't explain. "Don't-." she tries but doesn't get very far as the memory locks into place.
'Her head is on his leg, his fingers brush through her hair and she's smiling. He's smiling, an actual genuine smile that reaches those gorgeous eyes. Laughter and talking fill the quiet space between and when it's done she's glad she said it. "I'm glad you exist" a smile and a brush of fingers against her cheek.'
Akira takes in a hard gulp of air letting it out slowly the best she can as she blinks back into reality. Her fingers are intertwined with his, clenching hard, steadying herself as he looks at her concerned. His brow furrowed with worry and she blinks away the wetness in her eyes before looking at their joined hands. He hadn't listened to her, but he also didn't fully grab her like she had expected of him, and for a moment she's grateful for his hand. She stares at the slender, barely callous fingers against her own, how his hands were much larger and she feels a wave of something familiar about comparing hands settle over her.
She drops it quickly, like it's burned her, before rising to a shaky stand. She doesn't want to remember more, she is still processing her last one. She moves away and she can feel his questioning eyes on her. She must be acting different than what he expects. He hasn't stopped looking at her with concern and confusion both evident on his face. His lips quirked downward, his brow clenched with worry and his whole body shifted toward her waiting to reach out.
Akira bites down the sudden frustration that hits her as she moves the rabbit she caught and skinned out of the fire. She reaches for her scroll and quickly scribbles down the basics of the memory, the barebones of it, in case she forgets again. She reads through what she has for a moment. Facts, such as her father being dead, her mother being the one to kill him, her shakiness and panic of holding a kunai. Of being close and feeling something strange with this boy- Gaara. She underlines his name. Trying hard to ignore the frustrations that come with not remembering anything useful and the turmoil of the new emotions that each memory brings. She can still feel the gentle brush of fingers against her cheek as she pointedly tries not to look too much at Gaara.
"Gaara," she calls still reading her scroll, trying to be more casual and trying not to wonder how different she is acting to him. It hardly matters she reasons since it's not like he's the one with the fucked up mind. "What is, or who is, Shukaku? What is our mission and where are we?" she asks quickly, bluntly, and she rolls her wrist ready to scribble down an explanation next to Shukaku when she feels him go to brush her shoulder.
"Don't!" she says it harder than intended, more of a hiss, a warning, than anything else and she sees the surprise, the slight hurt in his eyes. "Don't touch me." She says softer but it's not an explanation and she knows it.
She just can't bring herself to care.
Gaara scans her face, trying to find an explanation there, and still gives her an answer, if only a tad hesitant. "Shukaku is a tailed beast. He is sealed inside me. I am a jinchuriki." Akira winces and gives a slight hiss at the pain in her head as her fingers rise to her temple.
'An explosion, the Chunin exams were being attacked. The Sand was invading, a giant beast in the distance with immense power. A kunai gripped firmly in her hand, the metal cool and hard. Her mother's voice "The Leaf has no chance." She breathes and Akira can see the wheels in her mind turn.'
"That's why we left." She mutters aloud more to herself than to him but Gaara looks at her confused before answering.
"Yes… you told me you moved here because-." He starts hoping to help but Akira shushes him.
"Don't-!" She cuts herself off again at hearing the bite in her voice. He can tell she is agitated, can tell there is something wrong and she isn't telling him anything and he feels a flash of irritation now as he sighs hard.
"Akira what is-?" She cuts him off with a quick sigh and turns away, rolling her eyes as she does as she shuffles the scroll around to jot on it.
"I-I don't know! I don't know!" she hisses, fed up, tired, as she walks away but sand slides in front of her stopping her. Gaara marches toward her brow still furrowed in confusion only now his patience is thinning. Akira clenches her jaw, not wanting to deal with him and the stupid-not-relevant-memories he brings, not wanting to feel her fucking mind melting again every time he came too close.
Gaara has had enough however as he stands an arms length distance away. His face has morphed into a mixture of aloof annoyance at the situation she is not helping explain. He had watched her from the moment he had awoken to be pushy, snappy, overall irritated and worst of all scared. He had noticed the way she brought her arms closer to her body, the way she didn't look at him in the eye. The jerky and stiff movements to her body and the off feeling that came from every chakra spike as her temper worsened. She never seemed to realize just how much her chakra flared alongside her temper, and it was the biggest indicator of her worsening mood. Gaara stares hard at the back of his friend as she shifts, pressing her arms unknowingly tighter to her sides, the scroll in front of her and out of view and he tries, he really does, to calm his temper as he speaks.
"Shukaku overtook me, you helped seal him with a jutsu I had no idea you had. And now I'm awake and you're not telling me anything and are asking questions you should already-."
"Yeah and he must have done something to my memories because They. Are. Gone!" she shouts before looking over her shoulder and dropping her voice trying and failing to keep the venom out of it. Her eyes, he realizes, are red rimmed and look swollen. "I woke up without even knowing my name. I barely even know you. I know we drank tea, and... that we are close, but I don't know you." She emphasizes turning more toward him to prod a finger at him. "If it wasn't for Chizu I would have... you would have woken up with a kunai to your neck." She can't look at him anymore, her voice lowering and the bite to it finally leaving. His eyes are wide and the concern, the guilt in them is too much. She doesn't deserve it. "I-I don't know the past from present and I d-don't know anything a-about anyone... W-when did my p-papa die?" she asks her voice is shaking and her eyes water as she hugs herself, the scroll crumpling against her arm. This feeling of grief, loss, hurt wasn't fading anytime soon. If they were so close maybe-?
"You told me you didn't remember him. He died when you were small." Gaara's voice is almost a whisper, after a moment, almost in disbelief, as Akira looks up at him sharply. Her mind scanning back to that memory, to the moment her father pulled the kunai out of her leg.
The night her papa died.
"N-no I was seven. I should-would-."
"You had a seal on your memories from being kidnapped." He offers as his eyes widening a little in understanding, and surprise and he reaches for her again. Only Akira shakes her head eyes wide, disbelief coursing through her and steps back from his reach. "You were kidnapped and your mother saved you but-."
"That woman is the reason he's dead! She wouldn't lift a finger to help me!" Gaara jerks back at the venom in her voice. He has hardly heard Akira speak about anyone let alone her mother in that way. He thinks of all the times her mother and her argued over dinner, the worst fight being what kind of tea what the best. Akira huffs as she moves past Gaara. The fire is dying, and she needs to do something with her hands-.
"Akira your mother would do anything for you and Shuichi." Gaara moves to grab her wrist but his fingers can only brush against it before Akira jerks out of his grasp instantly. Irritation is clear on her face as she spins around to face him.
"Yeah and who the hell is Shuichi?!"
"Your brother."
A log in the fire snaps as Akira freezes, her jaw dropping as she loses a breath.
'Soft lavender hair fills her vision for a moment before he turns around grinning, and dark violet eyes look at her with glee. 'Come on little sister! You can't get me!' He shouts and when she finally gets close he does what he always does. He gently pushes her forward as he darts off in the opposite direction. She can't stop as she's bursting through glass. She tumbles and feels a sharp pain in her shoulder. 'Don't look!' He's sobbing more than she is as he helps her inside, and sits with her as the glass is carefully pulled out. 'I didn't mean it I'm so sorry Aki!" He holds her hand as it's bandaged and lets her punch his shoulder as compensation. She's laughing while she's trying to do it though, because he's telling jokes and making silly faces and being her big brother. His eyes are the same shape as hers, his smile the same big grin. She laughs when he finally hops away from her punches and she gives chase.'
Akira blinks back to reality with a ringing in her ears, as Gaara presses the water container into her hands. It's lighter now, he must have had some water before her, as she sips it dully. Her face is wet she realizes as he presses soft gentle fingers to her jaw, turning her face towards him. Her eyes, a soft ember glow in the firelight, meets his ethereal sea-green ones. She watches dazed and a cold numbness sweeps over her as he grimaces and sand gently sweeps behind her, coaxing her down to sit on the stone floor. He sits to the side of her but facing her, and studies her face in the firelight. He carefully wipes her face dry and pulls her pack towards them with his sand. He digs threw it carefully looking at the different medicines in the fire light. Akira watches dully with a gnawing pain in her heart for how she has treated him so far.
Gaara hadn't realized how badly injured she was until she froze, her eyes going in a daze. Gaara had frozen for a moment too, at the stillness that suddenly washed over his dear friend. He gently called her name as he touched her hand, but she was unresponsive. The firelight had granted him enough vision to see her body language, but the wave of immense guilt at her injuries was new. Looking at the bandages around her neck, at her bloody vest, and the loose over-sized shirt underneath. He is sure it is his from the dark color of it but doesn't care. He is more concerned at the scratches on her face, and the daze she is lost in. He hadn't been the one to cause them, to cause this to her, but that thought hardly brings him any comfort. He sighs pulling out the same medicine he didn't need twice in a row, before swallowing the irritation and guilt thick in his throat and finally spoke.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know you... I'm here to help you, if you have any questions-."
"No," she breathes, his rough baritone and the guilt in it pressing her back into reality, and she pulls back and helps him find the antibiotic spray he is after. "No something isn't right. My memories must have been altered before, or I was lied to." She turns away to grab her scroll as Gaara sprays the antibiotic on a clean cotton ball. "All I know is that my father died when I was seven, my mother is the one to kill him, or at the very least caused him to die. I h-have a brother. And I care about-FUCK Gaara!" she hisses once he presses the cotton ball to her cheek. She jerks back sharply as he sighs an apology. She shoots him a halfhearted glare and he lets out another sigh of an apology gently cupping her face a little.
"Just hold still," he says as she stiffens from the contact before relaxing against his hand. She only winces a little this time as he dabs at the scratches. Her cheek had the worst of it, but there are little ones almost everywhere, and he works as she talks.
"And... I care about you, I trust you. I can't explain it. I mean... I guess trusting you is like a muscle memory? I remembered how to heal vaguely and if anything it's the same thing?" She tries before smiling a little, "Though I may trust you less since your attacking me with cotton balls." She huffs as he finishes his assault with said cotton ball. She glances at him where he sits, his eyes shining with some amusement in the firelight. "And I know who Shukaku is and that there was a time before Suna... I think." She finishes looking back at the scroll and trying to fight off any other embarrassment from being this close to him and is once again trying not to make too much eye contact.
Gaara's eyes are bright from the firelight, the mint color is almost glowing in this setting, and if Akira is honest with herself, it is memorizing.
"That's not much." He says after a moment as he pulls out a roll of bandages. He can't help but think of all those stories she had told him. A part of him doesn't want to believe they had been fabricated, they felt too real to be. But he doesn't take offense, even if they weren't real they were just stories to him now. Yet they had once been the truth to Akira and he can't imagine the pain she'll be in if they were all once fake. The memories she had entrusted with him had been happy, funny and loving ones, each one just as precious as the other, and it wasn't fair to her that she lose them all. If anything he feels annoyed on her behalf, just how much of her life was going to be destroyed?
"I know. But aside from that it's all I have. But when I remembered my brother it didn't hurt. I think if I can just figure out what my oldest memory is and go from there. Like from my first memory to now." She jots the note down as Gaara reaches for her neck, trying to change the bandages when she jerks back.
"Y-you don't have to." She says as he looks at her surprised before showing the already opened roll. She sighs and gives him a look, her brown eyes huge and full of worry and he can't help but think of how misplaced it is in the moment. Her chest tightens as he blinks at her and she doesn't want to give him any more guilt of what had happened. She doesn't need or want that burden on her mind.
"When you said Shukaku took control, it wasn't hard to put together," she mutters as she undoes the roll and Gaara can't help the sharp inhale at the sight of her neck.
Deep purple and blue bruises have formed on the curve of her neck. He traces the edges of them with his eyes, knowing that they would match up to his own fingers. He raises his hand and hesitates for a moment before tilting her chin slightly away and sees where they end. He grimaces at the crescent shaped markings and scratches that are now carved into her neck. Gaara's eyes roam a moment longer before he looks down and away from her.
"I'm-,"
"Don't." she says after a moment as he looks at her surprised. "You didn't do it."
He looks at her a moment, expecting for her to say something about how it was Shukaku, that she understands. It what she would usually say, something to show she doesn't blame him, isn't still afraid. But he sees the distance in her eyes, and knows that it won't come, she knows it wasn't him in control. But the fact is that it was his hands to hurt her, it was his fingers that left those marks even if it wasn't him to hold her like that. And when he reaches to wrap the bandages she tries not to, but he sees her flinch from him a little.
Gaara bandages her neck careful not to touch her bruises too harshly and when he's done he eases himself a little bit away from her. Akira relaxes but the tight knot in his chest does not. The knowledge that this bond between them is now worn thin, and is stretched to its limit, sits heavy with him. He doesn't want to lose his friend, doesn't want to lose this bond they have forged and fought for, but he doesn't want her to be afraid of him. Doesn't want to see her look at him with disgust and hatred for hurting her.
"We'll leave at first light. You should get some rest." He offers as Akira nods but stays sitting, still looking down at her scroll and has begun picking at the edges of it. He wants to tell her that he'll protect her, but he can't bring himself to tell her.
It might as well be a lie at this point.
She raises her eyes to his, those dark eyes bearing into his own a moment before she speaks. "When we get back to the village. Stay away from me."
Gaara freezes, jaw unhinging a little as he stares at her, stricken.
"I need to figure this out on my own. I can't stand to be around you right now, you're too important, too close to me," 'With too many memories surrounding you.' She thinks but doesn't add as she gazes into the fire, guilt rising in her chest at Gaara's expression. "I know you might know things that could help, but I need the truth, and obviously we both don't know what that is right now." She looks at him with hard eyes, that this will not be discussed further and that she is not explaining anymore.
Gaara is silent as he clenches his jaw and looks away from her, his chest twists in pain and he wants to fight this wants her to want his help.
"I take it you agree?" she starts to ask after a moment but Gaara's voice overlaps hers.
"I'm sorry." He croaks out, louder than he's ever been before, and Akira jerks back at the pain in those two words. "I didn't know Shukaku could do something like this. I never wanted to hurt you." He tries to explain but the pain in his chest, in his heart stops him and startles him. It's familiar, this pain, and he hates it. He can't bring himself to look at her, and fights the urge to ignore her words since he's sure there will be venom in them now.
"... Well I'm not." Akira says gently surprising him a little as she shifts to face him. "Sorry that is. It gives me a chance to learn the truth. I'm not upset Gaara, I just need space." She tries. She feels like she's fumbling for words and she wishes that she could have just avoiding explaining this to the boy. But she can't leave him this upset. She can't turn her back on him. She barely fucking remembers him but the memories she does have... she had felt warm, and happy after they were done. He had treated her injuries despite all her hurtful and cryptic answers. She doesn't want to hurt him.
Gaara still doesn't look at her as she sighs, he just curls in on himself a little, shoulders slouching, head down, hurt.
"I remember starry nights and constellations." Her own voice is a soft whisper as she states the memories, trying and fumbling to do something. "I remember tea, and quiet nights. I remember y-you," she pauses, and she feels embarrassment light her cheeks aflame. "I remember you brushing the hair out of my face, and kissing my cheeks, and being there. I don't remember much about you, but I do know, that you are important to me. I do know that I want you with me. The memories I do have are full of laughter and warmth and-... and I want that still." She takes in a shaky breath as her hands shake and she feels the worry and panic she's kept at bay finally move in. "I need to know who I am, I don't want to be told who I am. And I know you mean well, but there is too much-. It hurts to remember you right now, and I-I can't.-." she stops because a big part of her doesn't want to tell him how afraid she is that she'll always have holes. That she'll never get the full story. That she's afraid she'll never remember fully, and the thought hurts her physically and that alone scares her.
But a bigger part of her knows he's more important to her than her fear.
"I can't have you around because it hurts, and I may not remember everything but I do know this and its that I would do it again!" He looks at her then with wide mint eyes of genuine surprise and she lets out a little laugh at how crazy she must sound to him. "I know in my bones that given the chance I would fight Shukaku again, because you are and will always be important to me." She can feel the prickling sensation of her eyes watering, and the rush of complete confidence in her words is a little exhilarating if she's honest.
Because ever since she woke up she's been second guessing everything, taking facts based on evidence, but what she is saying now is only feeling. But it's the most genuine and strongest feeling she's had since waking up. Besides the frustration of having her mind get fucked over, but that hardly matters when Gaara blinks at her, his own eyes watery but with no real tears and shifts up on his knees. He holds his arms out in front of him and she's moving before she even fully realizes. She hits him harder than intended and sand instantly shifts around them cushioning the fall, but she hardly cares and notices, as she buries her face in his chest, and Gaara dips his own head down to her shoulder.
For a moment she closes her eyes and lets the familiarity settle in and the smell of sandalwood, clean linen and something she can't quite place fills her senses. She distantly compares it to the shirt she is wearing from him and thinks that this, right now, with her arms around him and his around her, is better. Akira feels tears slide down her face again as she lets herself be held and holds him in return.
"I'm so sorry, for everything. I just..." she pauses taking in a shaky breath and trying not to sob in his arms. "I just feel so angry at everything. I don't know anything anymore. And the worst part is that I... I'm scared I won't get them back. Not all of them at least." she admits and Gaara sighs against her shoulder and squeezes her a little tighter. He rubs a hand down her back and she can feel his breath on her neck, can feel the reverberations in his chest as he speaks then.
"I'll give you space. But please, know I'm here." He says after a moment as she nods against his chest and he squeezes her once more before sighing against her shoulder again. His chest heaving with relief and she feels for the first time since she woke up the ever-there frustration of today slide away. Gaara is warm against her, familiar in her embrace and is ever so damn accepting and supportive.
Akira relaxes and tells herself that one more note needs to be added to her growing list.
That she is as important to Gaara as he is to her. Because as he holds her, his long gentle fingers brush against her hair and wipes away few tears that have escaped from her. That he had tended to her injuries just moments ago despite her nasty words. That even after everything that has happened, he is giving her what she wants. Giving her space but doesn't leave and instead tells her he is there. And she believes him wholeheartedly.
It is sometime later that he finally starts to disentangle himself from her. She sits up with him and Gaara presses the water in her hands before moving toward the cooked rabbit. They eat in silence before Gaara looks over at her, Akira glances over at him in the middle of taking a swallow of water.
"Hmm?" she questions mouth still full before swallowing.
Gaara stares at her a beat, and shakes his head. "Your chakra just felt off earlier but it was probably nothing." he pauses a beat before taking the water from Akira's offering hand. "And I want you to know that I will always be your friend." Akira pauses her hand still on the water container she is handing to him when he says this. She looks at him and Gaara can't help his exhale as her dark brown eyes take on the usual honey like glow from the firelight. Akira simply nods numbly giving him the container looking away after a beat of getting lost in the color of Gaara's eyes.
Gaara puts another log on the fire, and is about to tell Akira to turn in when she tugs on his sleeve where they sit next to each other.
"Will you... Can I...?" She holds out her arms hesitant for once to initiate something she used to do so naturally, and he doesn't waste a second in wrapping her in his embrace. Akira curls against him, her head against his chest, his arms around her and hers around him.
Gaara closes his eyes knowing she would have done the same for him, would be doing the same for him, if the situation switched. Gaara gently shifts them a little practically holding her in his lap, but given the current situation can hardly find room to mind. He smiles a little at the realization that she was always pressing into his personal space and he finds comfort that her mannerism hasn't changed too much. Akira hums contently at the embrace and falls asleep a few moments later, still in his arms. He waits a few moments before shifting her to lay on the stone floor and rest her head in his lap instead. She wakes up for a moment as he tenderly moves her, but falls asleep as soon as she's settled again, and she sees it. Akira sees the look in his eyes, something so warm and genuine that she has seen in all of her memories with him, and feels his fingers brush the hair in her face away, and knows that no matter what, Gaara will stay by her side.
And she takes comfort in the display of affection and loyalty, the vague familiar sense of home being with him brings, as sleep takes her.
Gaara watches for a short time before sighing and brushing his fingers through her hair again. He makes a small bed of sand, just enough to stop the cold of the stone from affecting her sleep. She is already shifting uncomfortably from it, the cold of cave. He moves her gently on the sand before laying the thermal blanket over her. He watches as she curls with the blanket, nose under the covers as always. He smiles a little at that, settling down next to her, and he takes a breath leaning against the cavern wall. A lot is changing, a lot is going to be different now that the truth is coming out. Akira shifts a little sinking down further and he smiles a little as she snuggles into the blanket.
A lot is going to be different.
But as he gently tugs the blanket over her shoulder a little more, he knows that they will be fine. Their bond is stronger than this, stronger than he even thought it was. They will be fine.
Gaara looks at the cavern entrance, heart heavy for his friend, and a part of him wondering how true his statements were.
-End- Song Choice: when the party's over by Billie Eilish wasn't honestly my first choice. I listened to a number of songs trying to find one that was filled with frustration and heartache that things were changing. After finding out the meaning I just felt like it felt best. Overall Akira is angry at what is happening beyond her control. Gaara is angry that his friend is hurting and doesn't want his help. Overall their just both hurting and when the day is done they agree to part hoping time apart will be for the best.
Also I just want to warn the next two chapters (maybe three?) will be Akira-centric and focus on her backstory, her relationship with Temari, and her growth. Gaara will of course be featured but I just wanted to warn ahead of time! Also updates might be slower for me to do a little research due to the course the story is going to be flowing soon.
Also today marks a full year since I posted this story! I am amazed at the feedback it's gotten and thank you to everyone for the reviews, favorites, and alerts! It means a lot!
Well I hope you enjoyed it! Until next time!
