Chapter 16 (Simmer)
"Akira we're gonna be late for training!" Akira groaned where she lay on the ground, under the sun rays, warm and content to spend her day like this. She had honestly almost forgotten about training and the thought of moving, versus relaxing, wasn't a hard choice to make.
Akira stretched, letting her back arch off the ground before a shadow fell over her face. She frowned before opening one eye as soft pale orange hair fluttered in her face. She blinked up at a frowning girl with lightly tanned skin and dark blue eyes who peered down at her. She watched as the girl huffed before sighing deeply.
"Come on lazy bones. Do you want Masao to beat us to the training grounds?" Akira gave her a flat look before rolling to her side and moving up, the girl grinned at her before skipping away. Dark shorts with a lavender skirt over top of it fluttered as she moved as she turned, the sleeves of her dark cyan shirt, a size too big, almost seemed to puff out from the movement. It slid a little, almost off her shoulder, revealing a hunter green undershirt as she cocked her head to the side.
"Maybe Kenji will be there too!" She said, her eyes gleaming as Akira frowned harshly at her before following. She didn't have to say much, as the girl laughed teasingly, but still didn't press the matter further. They had been friends for too long for small comments to truly bother her.
"You're wrong!"
"No, you're wrong! My plan makes sense!"
"Your plan is garbage!"
"Then come up with something better than just yelling at me about it!"
"If you let me speak, I wouldn't have to yell! Besides who wants to listen to a little kid anyway!" Akira bristled at that as she fought the urge to punch the smug look off Masao's face.
"Considering one of us got accelerated to a year ahead of their normal class, and the other barely can pass a basic test-!"
"You even had a hard time with that test!"
"I still passed with high marks idiot!" A loud clap resonated as both Akira and Masao turned to where she stood. Her orange hair was pulled back into a high ponytail as she frowned at them both.
"I understand you both want to lead but we need an actual plan and not an argument." She reasoned hands out as she gently motioned for them to calm down. Akira and Masao huffed before dropping the argument, they turned to look at her as she smiled and gave them a devious look.
"Jin!" Akira looked up as she finished wrapping the girl's leg. For some reason she had thought jumping from high in the tree without channeling her charka properly would be a good idea. She winced as Akira finished the bandage, but was up and moving once, she had moved her hands away.
"Kenji!" Jin cried, getting up and throwing her arms around the taller boy. He hugged her tight and Akira watched for a moment before being startled as a hand roughly fluffed her hair.
"What you jealous?" Shuichi grinned down at her as Akira glared up at him, his hand still on her head before she pushed it off and got to her feet.
"Are you jealous Kenji is a better brother?" She teased as Shuichi looked mockingly offended. Pressing the back of his hand to his forehead he turned away from Akira.
"Oh, what hurtful words from a rude little sister, how will I ever recover- Get over here!" Akira had rolled her eyes at the beginning of his monologue, and started to walk away before Shuichi roughly grabbed her by the waist, and flipped her upside down. She screeched in surprise before laughing loudly as he spun around with her dangling her upside down.
"Revenge!" He yelled as he whipped her from side to side. "Revenge is how I shall recover!" Akira screeched from joy this time, as she halfheartedly fought to be released.
Jin and Kenji watched half shocked at the rough treatment before Jin looked at her brother questioningly. He shrugged before looking at Akira with a soft look that made Jin brighten up. They had been friends for so long, it was about time Akira realized how Kenji looked at her.
They had trained long and hard, had come up with strategy after strategy. Had tried and fought with everything in them with, but with Akira low on charka and trying not to get hit, Jin's genjutsu failing, and Masao's taijutsu with his swords not being quite enough, they lost. They hadn't passed the chunin exam. Masao punched a tree as Akira leaned against another, head back and tired with aching ribs from one sudden attack. Even Jin, ever optimistic, was quiet. She had muttered they could try next year, that they had made it out alive. That was something. But the thought that they would have to live without passing, with choosing to live despite having fought with everything they had.
They weren't sure how long they had stayed in the forest with Masao seething and taking rage out against a tree, Akira curled against the roots, mind whirling on the past mistakes and not being enough given her tendency to shake with kunai. Her shuriken were fine if she didn't think about it. She stared at her hands wondering why they shook, why she was so afraid? If she wasn't afraid, then maybe they would have passed? Could she have fought more?
Masao stopped punching the tree and seemed to pause in his thoughts. "Why didn't you avoid that attack-?" Akira looked up at him, eyes widening before she glared at him.
"You got hit too. I had to heal your shoulder."
"I was trying to get to you."
"So much for help." He whirled around toward Akira then.
"If you weren't so scared of kunai-!"
"If were actually competent in your sword work-!"
"I can do more for this team than be a scared healer."
"And I could teach a monkey to take your place." Akira hissed, eyes prickling at the hurtful comment, before Jin clapped loudly as she normally did to stop the fighting, to get their attention but instead, they rounded on her.
"Are we dogs-!?"
"Did you suddenly become a Jonin-?!"
Jin stared at them for a moment as they stood glaring at her. "I think there's a lot we need to work on. All of us. We need to be a better team. I think we have an opportunity to try again next year to be better. We're not the only team to fail and we could move past this if we chose to." Jin's head tilted down, and hands clenched into fists at her sides as both her teams looked at her.
"This is what I think, I think we can be the best team next year and no one will know what hit them. Now tell me, what do you guys think?" She looked up at them then, her cobalt eyes meeting Akira's and Masao, with a blaze in them that both her teammates blinked at surprised.
"Because if you guys think we can do it, then let's go!" She finished; fists now up close to her chin as she looked at the two of them.
Akira looked over to Masao and realized her surprise was being reflected at her. They looked to Jin and nodded, both now determined as Akira rose to her feet and Masao shook out his now roughed up fists.
BOOM!
Akira winced as she ran with her team to clear out the village. Their sensi hadn't allowed them to try for this year's exam. They had intel that some of the ninja's from other nations would be even harder to defeat this year, and the team had barely made it out alive from the previous year's exam. Naturally the trio had been disappointed but left it alone, especially after witnessing part of the matches taking place.
BOOM!
Akira skid to a stop with Masao as another explosion happened in the distance. His dark shinobi pants were covered in dust now and his white shirt was dingy and bloody in some places. If she hadn't been with him for the entirety of the invasion so far, she would be worried, but she knew it wasn't his. His sword was out to his side, still dripping from their last encounter with the Sound shinobi. They panted before Masao tensed behind her and Akira turned her back to him.
For a moment they wait, back-to-back, trying to listen over the panicked cries and worried village folk ears straining for something-.
Akira shifted and shoved Masao to the side as a kunai was flung down at them and the Sound shinobi from the rooftops descended. It took them a while to defeat the minor group, Masao's sword cutting through as Akira breathed fire jutsu for some coverage. They were racing again but not before more followed.
Akira looked behind them and her eyes widened, and her pace stuttered a bit, startling Masao as a kunai sailed right for her. She could already taste the blood on her tongue, and it hadn't even hit home yet-.
A large wave of water crashed through the buildings, wiping out the horde of shinobi following them as Masao and Akira skid to a stop once more. Jin ran around the corner and her worried cobalt eyes melted into relief as she finally spotted her teammates.
"How did you get lost!"
"It was Masao's fault!"
"Hey you didn't need to follow me!"
"Just c'mon, we have to finish evacuating the village!" Jin yelled, eyes rolling before she turned and motioned for them to follow her. Akira and Masao started, before halting as tiny white feathers drifted in front of their faces.
"What-?" Akira asked dazed as Masao dropped next to her, and she heard Jin shout a warning, but it was too late as her knees hit the ground. She was out before she fully landed next to Masao.
"As of this moment, your teammate is to be considered dead." Akira stared at the floor, shell-shocked to say the least as the village elder quietly gave their condolences to them before leaving the room. It had hardly been a day since the invasion. Since Masao and Akira woke up in an alley. And since Jin had gotten captured by Sound ninja. Akira felt anger overtaking her then at the realization, as Kenji quietly grieved for his sister. It had only been a day and they already assumed she was dead!?
"Bullshit!" She shouted surprising everyone in the room as Masao stared at her, her own anger reflected in his eyes as Kenji looked at her confused. She felt Shuichi try to grab at her, but she was already moving. She burst out of the room, startling the elder as she marched up to him. She knew the boys she had left in the room were hot on her heels, as she met the elders glare with one of her own.
"It hasn't even been a full day!"
"We don't have the resources to condone-."
"So, she's just dead then?!" Akira shouted, demanding the elder admit to the harshness of the sentence. "No chance of looking, of trying to put together a small team?!"
"The village is in shatters-."
"Our team is going to be in shatters!" Masao roared, posted next to Akira as they glared at the older man.
"Her life was given in respect to the village."
"Her life hadn't been given to shit!"
"She's still alive!" They roared together, sure that she was fighting wherever she was because that's who Jin was. Kind, understanding, and a fighter, who never gave up without trying.
The elder stared at the two of them before shaking his head. "I'm sorry." Akira and Masao glared at his retreating form before glancing at each other and gave a small nod.
If they weren't going to be given help, then so be it.
Kenji, Shuichi, Akira and Masao left the village right away. Most of the shinobi that could stop them were distracted, and grief stricken by the loss of the Hokage to be paying attention at the departure of two genin and two chunin. Masao and Akira lead the way, both locking onto Jin's chakra signature as they moved through the foliage.
"You can sense her this far away?" Shuichi asked, knowing Akira's sensory charka skills were lacking compared to the others in her class, although not as bad as the boy who couldn't use charka at all.
"Once she touches someone, she's locked on to their chakra signature for at least 200km we've found." Masao answered, turning to look at the lavender haired man who blinked at the boy. "The longer she spends with them, the easier it is for her to find traces of the charka."
"Traces?" Kenji asked as Masao nodded.
"If you store charka into an object or in a certain part of yourself, she can feel it if she tries." Masao said as Akira nodded.
"She touched these trees, or she tried. We're getting closer though." Akira said, her fingers brushing against the bark as the trace of sharp panicked chakra faded fast. Her gut twisted as she sped up, the boys behind her sensing her hurry and moving faster as well.
They hit a roadblock when they were forced to stop to take down a troop that met them half-way. They were just about to drive them away when Kenji screamed something about his sister as he used water to whip some of them away, his cobalt eyes glowing. At that point the Sound shinobi froze a moment, looking at him surprised before attacking more harshly than before. They managed to defeat them and get some information from one of them who chuckled staring at Kenji as he hovered between states of consciousness.
"Your sister has been fun to play with. The kekkei genkai you both possess has been rather interesting to see. It will make the Sound village stronger, that's for sure." Disgust flowed through Shuichi as he smashed the man in the face, helping him finally go unconscious.
"We have to fall back." Shuichi turned and held out his hands, palms out as he was met with loud protest. "I understand why you want to press forward but they just admitted why they took Jin. We can't keep pushing forward with Kenji!"
"Then you go back!" Akira roared gesturing to them both.
"I'm not leaving you!" Shuichi yelled back, half shocked and half annoyed at the implication as Masao rounded on him.
"We didn't ask you to come!"
Shuichi bristled, jaw tightening a moment. "I am a chunin, you are genin, this isn't negoti-!"
"Get down!" Kenji yelled, leaping forward to push Shuichi down and Masao out of the way as a paper bomb attached to a kunai landed between the boys. Kenji cried out, taking the blunt of explosion as Masao and Akira fumbled to a stand.
"Get Kenji out of here!" Akira called out, blocking an attack as she protected her brother and Kenji. She met Shuichi's gaze, eyes wide with fear and she nodded to him. She watched him blink, take a breath and nod back to her before carefully picking Kenji up and fleeing.
Akira knew he would call for help at the very least, and would most definitely charge back in here after her. She took a breath after knocking away her opponent. She had to believe Shuichi would make it back to Konoha unharmed. At this time, to think otherwise was suicide.
Akira swung a high kick at the enemy's head and Masao sliced easily through most of them. It wasn't long before they were moving forward again.
Jin laid on the floor of a shed, her body bruised and dirty from just the few hours she had been there. She was curled on her side, trying to make herself smaller. Akira's chakra covered hands hovered over her friend's form, her heart in her throat. Her left leg was broken, and her ribs were bruised but otherwise she was alive. Akira took a breath and looked at Jin's unconscious form before moving her on her back.
Jin whimpered and lamely swatted at Akira. "N-No, not again-."
"It's me, it's Akira," She shushed as she brushed Jin's hair away from her forehead, damp with sweat and dirt from the floor. "I have to fix your leg. Masao isn't far behind, but we have to go."
Jin whimpered again, hand snatching onto Akira's desperately as Akira squeezed it.
"I'm not leaving you, but I need both hands to reset your leg." She slowly slid her hand from Jin's, crouching down and took a breath as Jin tried to quiet her whimpers.
Akira saw Jin scrub her face, saw she was relaxed as possible, and before she could hesitate further, snapped the bone back into place.
Jin cried out loudly, as Akira's chakra mended the bone. She pulled Jin to her feet, pressing a soldier pill into her friend's hand before running out of the shed. They just had to get back to Masao. Jin stumbled behind her, her leg still sore from the quick set and healing session but it would be enough to get them home.
Akira opened the door to chaos, Masao was bloody, injured from the new arrival of Sound shinobi. They were almost surrounded, and Akira stood shocked as they clashed. Akira grabbed at Jin's hand before tugging her into the nearby brush.
"Start running Jin, don't stop until you reach the village. We'll be right behind."
"Akira-!" Jin started but Akira slapped a hand over her friend's mouth.
"We will be right behind you. I have to go help Masao." She stood quickly as Jin watched, her cobalt eyes wide as Akira turned and threw herself into the fray. Akira ran to Masao, throwing herself into the man, and getting them both out of the way as a storm of senbond needles rained down. She pulled a kunai out, and before she could think about it. (The blood on the knife, crimson and almost glowing, her hands starting to shake-.) She threw it hard at an incoming shinobi before pressing a glowing hand to Masao's side. They were up a moment later, running at the enemy.
Akira wasn't sure how long they fought; she just knew she couldn't stop. She punched, kicked and even at one point, bit, as they clawed their way through the troop. She felt her muscles screaming at her to stop to pause. She could hardly breathe, hardly pay attention to any new pain that came as she reacted a second later. Beside her Masao looked like a demon, drenched in blood that may or may not have been his, his own body looking more and more ragged.
It wasn't until Akira felt her mind slip in and out of consciousness that she finally came to her understanding that she might die here. She felt a solid kick connect to her chest and suddenly air escaped her. She distantly heard an 'OOF' only to realize as the ground caught her that it had come from her. She panted, blinking away stinging sweat and blood from her eyes as she looked up.
A kunai sailed toward her, glinting metal, and she distantly heard a man screaming her name as she stared at the incoming weapon. (A man with dark brown hair and golden eyes, her father-.)
Akira blinked as orange colored hair flashed in front of her face as Jin threw herself in front of her.
"JIN!" She screamed, rushing to catch her teammate, to inspect the damage-.
The kunai had sunk up to the handle in her chest, the wound impossible to fix in her current state. Maybe, if she had full chakra, but even then. Akira stared at Jin, unable to articulate herself as she slowly shook her head. Jin simply smiled up at Akira's disbelief and gently touched Akira's hand with hers.
"You can't! Not like this!" Akira blinked away her suddenly blurred vision only to realize as drops of water landed on Jin's cheek she was crying. She felt her heart sink as Jin's smile wavered, and she heard Masao set off an explosion. She didn't take her eyes off Jin, as she tried to apply some pressure to the wound, to do something about the blood loss. Jin pulled Akira's hand, as though she was going to pull herself up.
"D-Don't-."
"Ken-j-ji loves y-you." Jin muttered weakly as Akira froze her eyes widening as Jin continued to smile at her. "H-He does. T-That's why I-I had t-to." Akira felt Jin squeeze her hand, watched as her friend winced in pain before coughing, and Akira was weakly aware of her face being slightly splattered with Jin's blood.
"G-Go, live a l-long life with m-my brother." Jin whispered weakly; her cobalt eyes fluttering shut as Akira cried shaking her head.
"He loves you Jin, you're his- Jin?! JIN?!" Akira cried, gently shaking her friend whose eyes stared distantly into nothing before dulling fully, and Akira clutched her poor friend to her chest.
She wouldn't have someone who bothered to get her for training, she wouldn't have a rival over who was a better kunoichi, she wouldn't have someone to invite over for sleepovers, or who would argue with about whose brother was better.
Her team wouldn't be complete anymore.
Her life wouldn't be complete anymore.
Akira felt Masao pull at her, barely heard him trying to reason with her as she cried over Jin.
"Akira, more Sound nin are on the way-." Akira felt something in her snap at that, and she pulled back to look at Jin's blood-soaked lifeless form. Her lips pulled back into a snarl as she growled before jerking away from Masao.
"Let them come!" Masao moved back as she stood, and he watched as Akira carefully sealed their teammate away. "I'll take care of them myself." Akira hissed, and harshly bit into another a soldier's pill as well as a food pill.
Akira could still hear screams.
"M-Monster! Ah!" "N-NO!" "AHH!"
Blood hits her face, her hands are slick with it, there's tendons in her teeth-.
SLAP
Akira winces at the sudden pain in her face as Temari leans over her, hands tight on her shoulders as she shook her. She blinks up at the older girl, and Temari sighs in relief at the focus coming back to Akira's dark irises.
Masao stands back in the living room, watching with interest and some concern as Temari snaps Akira out of her waking nightmare.
"Well, I take it you remember Beasty?" He asks casually and holds up his hands in defense when Temari sharply turns her head to glare at him.
"Will you give it a rest already-?"
"Rather a Beasty than a moss-headed freak." Akira snaps and blinks surprised, before looking at Temari, who snapped her head back to gape at her friend.
Masao snorts and doubles over to hold his knees as he laughs. "That's the Beasty I know." He chuckles, holding his ribs as Temari helps Akira up, who holds her head for a moment.
"God, we really were at each other's throats all the time huh?" She asks after a moment, rubbing her temple as Masao shrugs.
"For the most part, little miss I-advanced-a-whole-grade, was sort of a snob."
"Says, the dude who thought a sword fight was the answer to everything." Masao rolls his eyes, and Akira smiles despite the dull pain in her head.
"I think I need a cup of tea." Temari sighs as she moves away from Akira before going to grab the broom once more. Akira gives her an apologetic look before she fully leaves the kitchen as Masao passes her and sits at the dining room table.
"So, want to fill me in? You aren't one who gets their mind fucked with. You broke out of Jin's genjutsu much more easily than I usually did." Masao looks at her concerned as Akira lets out a sigh.
"It's a bit of a long story-."
"Then shorten it. Or," He shifts in his chair, trying again to appear nonchalant. "Tell it to me on the way back to Konoha." He gives her a look as Akira blinks at him.
"What?"
"C'mon Akira, Suna isn't really your home. Besides, Kenji misses you,"
"Fuck Kenji." Akira huffs, and has to fight off a smile at the memory of Gaara slowly moving Kenji away from her.
Guilt fills her up from the memory of Jin's dying wish, of Kenji reaching out time and time again. And of Gaara who wasn't the person Jin wanted her with, but was someone who laughed with her, who danced with her, who got Kenji to leave her alone and respected her need for space.
She closes her eyes as more memories dance in her mind. Stargazing, running errands, of the awkward unsure boy who questioned why she held out a hand to him, why she invited him over for tea. Of the stories they had shared, of the lunches she had with him and Temari. Of him being with her, though it all, never asking prying questions, never pushing, or needing answers. She knew he was curious, could see some glint of it in his eyes, but he never brought it up. Only taking what she was willing to give and giving in return.
She also feels extremely guilty remembering how he kissed her cheeks. How his presence was always welcomed, how she felt when she kissed his own face, and how she thought he was cute, handsome, and-.
"Akira, whatever happened to you, it won't happen in Konoha-." Akira shakes her head trying to clear her thoughts and to stop Masao.
"I am grateful that you want to help, that you care, but I am a Suna shinobi now. I'm a chunin here, I have a responsibility to this village-."
"You had a responsibility to Konoha-."
"I had chains in Konoha," Akira looks at Masao sharply her eyes set in a hard glare. "I might not be ok right now, but I am happy in Suna, this is my home now."
Masao looks at Akira a moment and goes to say something when Temari steps back into view. He looks at the other Suna shinobi in the room and stops for a moment with a sigh. He knows she had heard the entire conversation. The house was small, and they weren't exactly trying to be quiet.
"I'll fight you on it." He says a moment later after staring at the table. A single A, J, and M carved into the corner of it. Small and almost unnoticeable given the other scratches and initials in the deep dark wood.
Akira blinks at him as Temari sweeps up the glass. "What? No."
"Chicken."
"I'm recovering from a mission."
"Chicken."
"Mochi-."
"You win, I'll drop it and you won't have to listen to me again. I win, you come back to Konoha for a week."
"A week?"
"That's how long I think it will take for me to convince you to stay." Akira snorts at that.
"What brings this on? You've never pushed before. It's been two years." She racks her brain trying to remember any previous letters, any hint of him wanting her home before now.
"Kenji gave up," Akira feels her jaw become unhinged at that. "I just want to honor Jin's memory."
"Seriously?!" Akira asks, and clenches her hands into fists. "That's what this is about?!"
"Kenji is in love with you-."
"And I don't love him! I have never loved him and just because someone died for me doesn't mean I can force feelings to exist when they don't!" Akira yells as Temari dumps the glass into the bin before rounding on Masao.
"It seems you've overstayed your welcome-."
"You can't make me leave, and this was her last wish-."
"She could have asked for the moon! Are you really going to die trying to accomplish that shit?"
"Yes!" Masao screams staring at Akira flabbergasted. "Because that's what you do for friends!"
"If she was really my friend, she wouldn't have asked this of me! It's not fair! I didn't ask her to die for me!"
"Well, she did so suck it up, and go be with her brother you-!" Masao stops as a gust of wind slams into him as Temari pushes her way between him and Akira. Despite a table separating them it still didn't fell like enough as she gestures an arm toward the door.
"I said, it's time for you to leave." Temari's steely voice is unwavering as her eyes are cold as she glares at Masao.
Masao glares back before looking past Temari to Akira, who sits a mix of surprised and angry. "Fight me and I'll drop it like you dropped all of us." Temari takes a step toward Masao, who takes an appropriate step back eyes flickering between Akira and Temari.
Akira sits, jaw clenched, and takes a breath before standing.
"Fine, we will fight, if I win you drop this, and if you win, I'll consider visiting." Masao scoffs.
"That's not what I-."
"I just came back from a mission where I had to fend off a tailed beast." Akira steps forward to hiss in his face and her breath is hot on his skin. "I am tired, I am injured, my memory is fucked." Akira glares at him before taking a step back to stand with Temari, shoulder to shoulder, as she eyes her former teammate. "Only an idiot would agree to those terms, and I still need to recover and get the appropriate time off you asshole."
"I-." Masao starts, looking ashamed for the first time since starting this conversation, as Akira rolls her eyes.
"I could take you down with three hours of sleep under my belt Mochi, don't give me your pity just yet."
Masao rolls his eyes at that before walking toward the door. "Whenever you're ready, lead the way."
Temari rounds on Akira once the door is closed as the younger girl once again gives her an apologetic look.
"Akira-,"
"I know. I just…" She pauses and looks down, clenching her hands into fists at her sides along with her jaw. "Temari I am so pissed… I need this." She looks up into teal-colored eyes pleading before Temari lets out an exasperated sigh.
"Fine. I'll come mediate to make sure nothing bad happens. Just know I think there are healthier and easier ways of dealing with this." Akira smiles at her begrudgingly before looking down at her hands.
"Probably, but as it would seem healthy choices aren't common in my family." Temari snorts at that before patting Akira's back.
"I thought that was obvious when you took that kunai for Gaara." Akira rolls her eyes.
"Not going to let that go, are you?"
"Absolutely not. Now let's go show this guy what Suna Shinobi can do."
She needs this.
Maybe it wasn't the healthiest way to relieve stress, but Masao was literally asking for it.
She wouldn't be the one to deprive him, and if she didn't do it, Temari looked ready to do this herself.
Akira rolls her shoulders and neck around. She is exhausted, her brain has been fried, but it's a simple spar. Stress relief. Her stomach churns a little worried at the bargain, at leaving. She still needed to talk with Gaara, her brother, and settle things with her mother.
Akira stands in front of Mochi, staring at him against the blue desert sky. She shifts on the sand, familiar and warm, as she takes her stance. Low, feet spread, arms raised-.
She feels a pinprick of pain behind her eyes and winces a moment. Her eyes flutter as she tries to focus-.
Her body moves before she realizes what's going on as she dives left. Her assailant turns to continue his charge, dirt flies toward him where Akira's feet had stirred it up.
Akira rolls up to a stand, her vision is a blur as trees surround her, the thick foliage emerald in the bright sun. She tries and fails to focus on who is attacking her, their form is a blur against the backdrop of sand and trees. She ducks under a fist and reaches toward it, trying to catch the limb before it can strike again.
She isn't fast enough.
The other fist, just outside her peripheral, smashes into the side of her face and she hits the ground hard. The sand shifts violently under her, some of it going up and on her, as her back slides on it. She groans in pain and tries to move, just as a foot stomps downward on her stomach.
Akira cries out, in a mix of pain and coughing as the air is forced from her lungs, and she blinks up at the figure. There's iron on her tongue and-.
And it's a man with bright pink irises against the dark of his eyes. He's grinning down at her with a smile too wide, a nose too small that it looks almost non-existent. He's laughing, and it sounds like nails on glass. He raises his foot to bring down on her stomach again, his toothy smile delirious. She blinks and one eye is a yellow diamond eye, full of malice and glee, with blue veins and sand color skin on one arm.
Akira feels her blood run cold before she screams as she raises her arm, knocking his leg sideways as she rolls the opposite way and slides on the sand. She stays low, watching him with wide eyes as his form shifts in and out. A blur between the bastard with pink and black eyes, and a monster of swirling sand and yellow diamond eyes.
She hasn't seen the bastard since the night her father died. He should be dead. He was supposed to die. Akira's heart is racing in her chest, as she shakes. Why the fuck was he here, why was he back-.
The man sneers at her with his too wide mouth and reaches behind his back. Akira's eyes widen and her stomach sinks with fear as he pulls out a whip from behind his back.
No.
NO.
Not again.
Not again.
Akira shifts slightly backward as she blinks and she's back in the forest, she's back with the tribe. She's only fucking seven, why was this happening? What-?
She watches as he draws his whip back and charges. She winces, blinking hard-.
Her eyes fly open at the sound of feet hitting sand.
Akira stares at the sand, just a moment, and looks at the man- the bastard- coming toward her and races forward.
She isn't seven.
She isn't a child anymore.
And she isn't going to fucking take this.
Temari watches as Akira freezes, as she moves sluggishly as if unsure about how she's supposed to be moving. She almost jumped in when she heard Akira's scream, bloodcurdling and worrying, especially when she rolls away and begins to tremble. Temari watches, and almost goes to her, to call off the match, as Masao pulls out his sword.
She freezes however as Akira's eyes, one gold and one dark brown, narrow, as her lips pulls back into a snarl.
Temari freezes; she looks monstrous.
Akira swallows the taste of blood and sand and charges; her hands find a kunai as she blocks the whip. She's careful to drive it away before it can wrap around her blade. Not missing a beat, she flings the kunai toward him, and watches as he blocks with his whip. She smirks as she connects her chakra to the kunai, and whips it back toward him. The pommel hitting the hand holding his whip, forcing him to drop it, as she dashes toward him.
The man with dark eyes winces and cries out, as Akira harshly grips his now broken empty hand, and pulls him toward her as she smashes her elbow toward his throat.
The man's eyes widen in the fraction of a second, and he just barely gets his face between her elbow and his throat, choosing a broken nose over a collapsed trachea.
Akira grits her teeth, moving her hand away from his broken one, she grabs both of his shoulders, and smashes her forehead into his bloody face.
She hears a crunch but doesn't let up as her knee harshly lands in his gut. She feels hands try to press her away, to block it, but it still knocks the wind out of him.
Akira watches as the man blurs out of existence, replaced by blue veins and sharp malicious chakra. She smashes an elbow on her assailants back in response.
She isn't the same person anymore.
She wouldn't be the same person anymore.
She raises a leg to stomp, to end it all, the sand almost glittering in the backdrop of blood and this blur of monsters.
Akira lets out a surprised yell as she's yanked away from the blur, hands on her shoulders and a distance voice.
"…akira… akira!" She blinks hard, trying to shake out the fog. Something was pulling her back, back into that quiet safe space she had fallen into before.
"what?" Her own voice sounds muffled and distant. She closes her eyes, trying to breathe, her sides hurt, and her mind is somehow so quiet and loud at the same time.
Akira's eyes snap open at the sharp sudden pain in her cheek, the one that wasn't distantly throbbing, and she looks up at worried teal eyes.
"Akira!" Temari shakes her a little and her stomach churns hard.
Akira shoves Temari away and rolls just in time to retch into the sand.
Temari wrinkles her nose in disgust, but kneels next to her nonetheless, as she rubs her back and gathers her hair to hold out of the way.
"Breathe, Akira." Temari says once Akira's stomach is finally empty. Temari continues to rub Akira's back as the brunette rocks back to curl in on herself, away from her vomit.
"…What happened?" Akira asks after a moment, her head no longer spinning as she slowly rises to a hunched upward position.
Temari frowns at her before looking just passed Akira's shoulders, Akira follows her gaze after a moment and her stomach twists painfully again.
Masao sits up, dazed in the sand, nose and hand obviously broken and staring at her like he just saw a demon.
Akira briefly wonders if that's how she looked when she faced Shukaku, and once again moves forward to retch again.
"Well I think it's safe to say the match is called off." Temari says once Akira is done again, and gives her some water before moving to Masao. She misses the pained look that crosses Akira's face, and the disgust that follows.
Masao sits watching the whole time and looking pitiful, and doesn't make eye contact as Temari kneels next to him to assess the damage.
"See why I call her Beasty?" Masao smirks a little as Temari helps bandage his hand. Her eyes flicker up to his and he looks back half-worried before looking away.
"She's never attacked us like that." He mutters a second later. "Is she going to be ok?"
"Honestly, I have no idea. If everyone would stop antagonizing her and let her get some rest, I would imagine she would be. But too much has happen…" Temari answers before moving away from him.
"Hey are you- Akira?" Temari blinks looking around as Masao gets up with a grunt.
"Was that the first time she's fought like that in front of you?" Temari whirls back toward him surprised as he nods in understanding.
"Knowing her, she's probably imploding somewhere."
"Imploding?"
"You saw the beast for the first time. Do you really think she would stick around to be judged?" Masao looks at her almost sympathetic before he sighs. "Do you know any of her hiding places here?"
Temari looks at him for a moment before sighing and rubbing a hand over her face.
Akira isn't sure where she's running, just knows she has to get away.
She had attacked Masao like he was her enemy, had injured him in a way she hadn't injured anyone in a long time. The tribe had been brutal in their training and thus Akira learned how to fight in a brutal horrid way. She fought like her life depended on it, fought to not only win but to injure and harm, and make it so her opponent, even if they recovered would no longer want to fight ever again.
She hated taijutsu when she was younger, and now with everything she knew now, she supposed it made sense why.
She didn't want to use her hands to destroy anyone, not anymore.
She thinks of the Sound shinobi, of how she didn't just fight them but gutted them, demolished them. There hadn't been survivors by the time she was done, and Masao who tried to help fight by her side, at most could only stand back and watch in terror.
And here she was, doing the same thing again. Acting like a cornered animal and lashing out with all the terrible that had been placed in her so long ago.
She had attacked him like that in front of Temari, of all the people. Someone she held in such high regard now knew all her secrets, all the things she had done before coming to Suna. Had learned that not only was Akira trained to tear into her enemies with the intention of ruining them, but that she had betrayed the wishes of her fallen comrade. She always tried to reason that if Jin knew Akira truly didn't feel that way, that if Jin really knew it was extremely disrespectful to ask this of her, she wouldn't have. She wouldn't have wished this with her dying breath. Whatever favor she felt like she was doing for her brother, for Akira, it hadn't been fair to either one of them. And now Temari knew all of that.
It crosses her mind that, maybe, the blonde woman would hate her now.
Akira's legs are shaking when she finally reels to a stop. She's somewhere in the village, away from prying eyes and many of the townspeople. She isn't sure where she is, just that it's quiet, and she's alone and for the first time it's a relished peaceful thing.
Akira falls to her knees, her muscles screaming from her lack of rest. When was the last time she rested really? Kankuro had woken her up last night. The night before they came to the village had been fitful, with every little sound bringing her back to consciousness. The night before that, she had collapsed in Gaara's arms, crying about what she could be losing.
Akira blinks at the realization at how short the timeframe was regarding the renovation of her life.
It only took 3 nights for her to regress back to being a scared seven-year-old who was now not only mourning her father, but her beloved friend as well.
Akira fights off a crazed laugh because, of course, of fucking course, it would only take 3 days for her to realize how many monsters really plagued her life.
And how the one who was the most worried about being involved in her life was the kindest of them all.
She shifts, or tries to. Her legs are still stiff and sore as she winces and looks around. She feels her eyes widen at the sight before her and she feels her heart clench painfully in her chest.
In front of her is the Suna wall, the portion that had been reserved for the names of fallen heroes to be etched forever into the walls they died trying to uphold and protect.
Akira reads the names, etched deeply into the wall to prevent any erosion from wearing them into ambiguity. The many names reach up high and almost far out of sight. She stares in surprise at the amount, and feels for the people who died fighting in something they believed in.
Jin had died believing she was making a wish come true.
Her father had died believing his children would grow up happy and healthy.
The tribe had died trying to keep ahold of their beliefs, even at the cost of so many innocent children.
Akira swallows hard, before looking down. She didn't feel worthy of being in a place where heroes were remembered. She is just a scared girl trying to understand other people's thoughts and actions without having them there to ask. What was the point of being a shinobi if it ended in death and cruelty? What was the point of dying and leaving behind so many people that would be hurt in the wake of your death? Would it be better to be alone? Would it be better to accept that loneliness would hurt everyone less in the long run?
Akira gets up on shaky protesting legs and walks toward the wall. She places a hand on a name and traces it a moment, wondering if they were proud wherever they were, for having died with honor.
"I see you're up and moving." Akira flinches at the unexpected company and moves her hand away from the wall quickly. She isn't sure if touching the wall is permitted and her ears burn with the shame of being caught. She turns toward the voice and blinks as Baki scans her over carefully. "I heard that you and Kankuro caused quite a ruckus around the village. I also heard your brother was in town." Akira grimaces at that, and before she can hide her expression, Baki is already raising a visible brow at her. She looks at him before shaking her head, unwilling to talk about it as Baki tilts his head in acknowledgement.
"I am surprised to see you here." Baki keeps his voice neutral, and Akira tries and fails to study his face, trying to get a grasp on his thoughts before giving up and looking away. She isn't sure how to hold a conversation with him, they hardly talked prior to this anyway.
"This place honors the dead, those who gave their life for the village. I'm sure Konoha has one similar." Baki says, walking up closer to the wall as Akira watches and studies him carefully.
"They do, it's not as… grand as this." She clears her throat, tries not to let his intense gaze phase her.
"I wanted to thank you." Baki says suddenly, and Akira's head snaps away from the wall toward him, meeting his gaze. "You fought against Shukaku and got us back our future Kazekage. You risked your life for the safety of this village. So, thank you." Akira blinks at him before slowly shaking her head.
"I didn't do it for the village."
"You did it for Gaara," He acknowledges, before looking away from her. "But helping him means helping the village now. They are tied together, whether everyone likes that or not." He pauses a moment as Akira contemplates the wall, his words and what to say next.
But it doesn't matter when he throws her for a loop.
"I trust Gaara has told you, given your relationship, but I want to emphasis that he has changed, grown, since he's known you. If you like to talk about who he was before…." Baki stops as Akira gaps at him surprised before shaking her head.
"He was trying to change before I came into the picture. Who he was before becoming my friend is a different person than who he is now. I don't…. Knowing the past won't change who he is to me. I don't need it." Akira swallows and wonders if he will care about who she was before Suna. She hopes he won't. She wants to keep the things they have buried where they lie.
Why disturb the graves they had dug for their past selves? There was no point in discussing who they were when what mattered the most is who they were now.
Baki gives her a vague look of approval before nodding in agreement.
"Sir?" Akira asks after a moment as Baki hums. "Why do people become shinobi? For me, it was what my family did. And I wanted to help those who wanted to fight. To give some support." Akira looks at her hands, studying the small scars, at the callouses and looks at Baki in question.
"Some people do it for fame, to rise in ranks, for power. Others do it because it's all they've know." He inclines his head toward her and she nods. "But others do it to protect the people they love. They would rather risk their life, so they know their loved ones are safe in the end-."
"But they are leaving them behind." Akira bites her lip and looks away, she hadn't met to interrupt him, but-.
"They would rather leave them to live, than stay and risk both their lives." Baki explains, unphased at her as he looks at her. "Everyone would understand if you decided to no longer be a shinobi." He says it gently, but Akira bristles at the thought.
She has gone through too much to turn back now. She is a shinobi for better or worse.
"I want to be one, I just…" She pauses before looking at Baki once more. "I just worry about the people I might leave behind." She isn't sure how to tell him the full truth, how terrified she is that she will leave someone behind to do something impossible.
She knows the guilt of not honoring last wishes better than anyone.
"As long as you come back," Akira turns then to stare at Baki surprised. "I don't think they will care how long you've been gone." Akira studies his face, or tries, before looking away.
"I suppose you're right." Her voice is small as she contemplates as Baki studies her a moment longer before turning toward her.
"And if you know why you're fighting, it makes leaving easier. Because when it's a good cause to fight, nothing can keep you from protecting those you care about." Akira looks at the names on the walls and wonders briefly what they had that was worth losing their life for.
She thinks of Shuichi who always had her back, she thinks of Temari who has done short of impossible things for her. She thinks of Kankuro and Gaara, people she hadn't expected to get along with, but who have made her life better for it. She thinks of Masao and her heart aches with the idea of leaving him in Konoha alone to deal with the grief, but she couldn't stay. Couldn't stand to be there knowing she couldn't honor Jin in the way she had wanted. Couldn't take looking Kenji in the eye at the time knowing there was little she could do for him.
She thinks of her mother and under the rage in her chest, she knows that she would do anything for her still.
Her mother had tried her best, she couldn't look past the benefits to see all the difficulties her choices would have on them. Akira could fault her for a lot of things at this point, but she had always cared in come capacity.
Akira takes a breath before looking at Baki. "Well, it's a good thing I have a couple of good reasons to fight."
"Good," Baki studies her a moment before looking away. "You have quite the few people worried about you."
"I know." Her voice is small, almost ashamed for making them worried.
"Given the circumstances surrounding the mission, I think it's best if you are benched for the time being." Akira hums in agreement, because if she's honest, the thought of fighting anyone else makes her want to vomit again. Baki scans her once more before turning to move away. "I suggest getting some rest in the meantime, the Jonin exams are coming up, and Gaara will need trustworthy people standing by him." Akira's eyes fly open at that but before she can discuss more with him, Baki is gone as quickly as he had appeared.
Akira stands a moment longer looking at the names before nodding to herself. If Gaara wanted to know her past, so be it. She would share it and she would give him all the answers he wanted even if it was hard. She would do the same for Temari. And although Akira is sure he won't ask or care too much, she would be willing to do the same for Kankuro as well. Even if they were disgusted with her, if they no longer wanted to have her in their lives, she would be fine with that. She would be happy if they were happy, with or without her, because they deserved that much. She turns away from the wall of names, and picks her way back to her house as she thinks about her reasons to remain a shinobi.
To protect those closest to her, to give her everything to ensure a future for those she cared about. Because even if she wasn't a part of it, it would be a bright future.
Akira gets home later than she intended, and her hands shake when she touches the doorknob almost unsure before pushing the door open.
And she walks into a furious Temari.
"Where have you been!?" She cries, grabbing Akira by the shoulders and hauling her inside. Akira squints against the sudden gust of wind that swings the door closed behind her as Temari looks at her up and down. "We looked around the whole village for you! I almost asked Gaara and Kankuro to help look for you!"
"I had to convince her not to." Shuichi speaks up, suddenly standing next to Temari as Akira blinks almost comically at the two of them.
"I, uh, got lost." Akira glares at Masao as he snorts and grins at her. "Hey at least I didn't get lost in a place I literally grew up in." His smile doesn't leave his face though, cat-like and satisfied. Akira rolls her eyes before looking at a continuously worried Temari and Shuichi before she took a breath.
"I did get lost, but Baki found me, and we talked for some time. I'm benched for the foreseeable future," Her throat feels tight admitting it, knowing bills will be harder to pay with just a single income, and how, despite everything, she wanted to help the people close to her. "I think he wants me to train for the Jonin exam. He said that Gaara needed more people he trusts to surround him. So, I think it depends on how fast I can get over this." Akira presses her fingertips lightly to her temple; her head is starting to ache like she hadn't had enough water.
"Well, that's good, you need to rest."
"Besides it's not something you can just 'get over', sometimes taking time for yourself is ok." Akira can't help the soft smile as she looks between Temari and Shuichi, their tones a perfect combination of gentle and stern that only older siblings could achieve with time and practice.
"I'll get some rest and I'll take my time. I won't rush anything or at least, I won't try to." She gently places her hands on Temari's wrists pulling her hands off her shoulders as she gives them both a grin. "I don't think I'll get away with pushing myself anyway."
Akira takes another breath before looking at her brother and her eyes fall on her mother, who sat on the couch, also looking worried until she met Akira's eyes. Kana freezes and looks away, guilt painted on her face as Akira nods to her brother.
"Ok, I…" She pauses trying to gather her thoughts as she drops Temari's hands and walks in the middle of the living room. "I know that this isn't a single person's fault. I know that a lot of shit happened and that there's some equal blame here. I… I am sorry for lashing out like I did. I could have handled it more patiently and I…" She trails off looking at Shuichi a moment before she bites her lip and looks away. "I did say things that I regret. Did we talk about everything though? Is there anything else I should know?" Akira tries her best to keep her tone neutral, but her heart still speeds up and she feels the muscles twitch in her face despite her best efforts. Kana looks up at her daughter and exhales slowly.
"No, we… that should be everything."
"Ok," Akira rubs a hand over her face even when she feels her throat tighten and frustration fills her. "Ok, then we're done. Fighting about this, arguing, trying to point fingers won't bring Papa back. And," she turns then pointing a finger at Masao. "Trying to get me back to Konoha won't bring Jin back."
"I'm done. With this. With the past. It happened, it sucked, and it happened but it's over. It feels like it just… occurred but… it didn't…. I don't want to be who I was." Akira looks her mother in the eye. "I need time to forgive you, but I don't hate you, I don't want to stay mad at you. But for now, I need space." Kana studies her daughter for a moment, and takes in the frustration that exists under her skin, at the shaking in her hands, and she nods once before moving wordlessly to her room. She doesn't have anything else to say, her daughter came back in one piece, and even if she spoke, it wouldn't come out as intended.
Nothing about the conversation had been what she had intended.
So, she moves into her room and out of the conversation because she would rather have silence and peace than lose her daughter.
Akira watches her mother's quiet retreat and as the door closes, the knot in her stomach she hadn't realized existed comes undone and something realigns itself in her. She closes her eyes a moment at the peace that fills her, and her breathing gets easier as she turns back to Shuichi, Temari, and Masao.
"I know, it's ok…" Shuichi trails off and rubs a hand over his face and sighs, almost exhausted as Akira watches his shoulders hunch and her tall brother almost curl in on himself. "You deserve to be pissed and angry. I thought mom would tell you, and I just should have. Our pasts fucking suck. And I'm sorry again for being a shit brother. But I hope we can work past this, and I want you to know I love you. And that our futures are always so much brighter than our pasts. I know you have to figure yourself out, but no matter who that is, just know that I will love that person no matter what." He says as Akira looks at him for a moment. Her throat is tight, and she has to blink away the urge to cry.
"God you're annoying." She says eventually as he cringes. "I can't even stay fully mad at you on average and then the one time I have a legit reason you…." She chokes and closes her eyes, trying not to cry.
"I'm sorry for punching you in the face, and for what I said out of anger, and I forgive you 'cause if you can love me after this, then yeah, I can forgive you. I mean this is bad but at least you didn't shove me through a door again-."
"Oh, shut up about the door already." He groans stepping forward and Akira meets him halfway, as Shuichi hugs her tight to his chest.
"Oi! Come one miss, you're my family too!" Shuichi yells as Temari rolls her eyes, she doesn't get too close, but she does allow Akira and Shuichi to both pat her back.
Akira hiccups a little but smiles as she hugs her family. Some anger is still heavy in her chest, and it might always be there, but she was glad to have people who loved her despite it.
"I do have a bone to pick with you though," Shuichi says after a moment, turning to point at Masao who blinks surprised from where he sat at the table.
"What did I do?"
"You tried to guilt trip my injured sister into coming back?" Shuichi's voice rises at the end along with one of his brows as he gestures back to Akira. He looks almost puzzled at Masao as though it was obvious what the green-haired man did.
"….And?" Masao asks after a moment of reflection and although Shuichi has turned enough away that Akira could no longer see his face, based on Masao's wince, she's sure he looks pissed.
"Just because Jin did that doesn't mean-,"
"What exactly did she do? I think I have an idea but…" Temari trails off looking between the three of them as Masao crosses his arms and almost seems to pout.
"When Jin was captured by Sound shinobi, she took an attack for Akira. She died but before she passed, she told Akira that her brother, Kenji, was in love with her and to live a long life with him. She wanted Akira to love her brother like Kenji loved her. Only Akira never felt those things for him," Masao shrugs before looking back at Akira. "Although she never really tried, she left a short time after with her mother and wrote a letter to both Kenji and me, explaining that she didn't want to be with him at the wish of someone else."
"Yeah no, it's fucked up what Jin did-." Shuichi starts and Masao bristles at his tone.
"She just wanted the best for both of them-."
"It was emotionally manipulative! Akira told her multiple times she didn't see Kenji like that." Shuichi holds up a hand before Masao can start. "AND! I understand you want to honor your past teammate, Jin is always missed, but as someone's older brother, if Akira ever tried that for me, I personally wouldn't be able to forgive her. Let alone make her feel obligated to force those feelings." Shuichi stares at Masao, almost waiting for the boy to say something as he pouts.
"She did get you and Izumi together."
"Screaming about the blue-haired girl Shuichi liked without realizing Izumi was outside is different than this." Akira's voice is soft compared to Shuichi's stern cold one. She's staring at her brother with wide eyes, almost unbelieving as her brother defended her even as he tilts his head toward her in direction.
"She decides who she wants to be with, when she wants to be with them, and for how long she will stay with them. No one will force my sister into any relationship. Drop. This. It's wrong, it's unfair, and Akira is a Suna shinobi now with no obligations to a Konoha shinobi that was unfortunately killed during the invasion."
Masao lets out a huff before throwing his arms in the air. "Fine! I yield! I'll drop it. I just… I wanted to be able to say I tried." He looks down almost defeated before sighing and getting up.
"Well, if it helps, when I die, I'm just gonna leave you my swords. Make you promise to keep them in good condition." He grins at Akira who snorts and steps forward.
"I'll take better care of them than you did."
"Sure you will, runt." He wrinkles his nose at her as she sticks her tongue out at him.
"Truce?" She offers holding a fist up, because she did break his nose, and his hand, even if he did try to guilt trip her into coming home. They had done worse to each other when they were younger. And she understands that she left so very soon after Jin's death that it must have rocked Masao's world. To lose both his teammates, in a few months of each other, must have been difficult.
Masao rolls his eyes and bumps his fist against hers. "If you really want a truce, you can heal my hand and nose."
"Shouldn't have picked a fight if you can't take the hits."
"Oh, fuck off." Masao laughs as Akira chuckles with him. "I'm going to head over to the inn in that case and, I guess, tend to my wounds."
"Drama queen," Akira rolls her eyes as Masao brushes past her.
"Says the one who literally ran away after the fight."
"Go home already!" She shouts as Masao rushes out of the door and Temari smirks.
"Well, this has been an entertaining evening now," She touches Akira's shoulder lightly as she looks at her. "Do you want me to stay? I don't mind." Akira tilts her head, her eyes glancing down a bit before nodding.
"I would like that, thank you."
"I'll meet you upstairs-."
"Where do you think we're heading? C'mon." Shuichi snorts before leading the way as Akira and Temari exchange a glance and Akira simply shrugs.
Akira lays in bed staring at the ceiling with a wooden plank that was once one of her shelves next to her and Temari sleeping on her other side. She stares up at her empty ceiling and listens as Temari and Shuichi's snores seem to fight for dominance.
After Akira had entered her room, she had looked around and felt both the confusing mixture of anger and safety. Of finally being home but also the anger of being home. She hadn't even realized she was upset until Temari offered to rearrange the room, and once they started Shuichi had offered to help after they had loudly dropped one of her shelves.
"I'm not going to be able to sleep anyway," He had grumbled before moving to help them.
They tore down her shelves, moved her books and scrolls, shifted her desk and dresser around and around (Akira hadn't bothered to voice her opinion on the location once Temari and Shuichi had started arguing about it). At some point, they had all stopped to laugh due to her mother having to come up, confused, only to open the door to Akira hanging from the ceiling, Temari stuck to the wall trying to pry a shelf off, and Shuichi sitting on the floor, his long legs splayed out in front of him as he tried to measure the distance with his body. Kana had turned around and walked out without a word after seeing the scene and Akira couldn't help the snort that left her, which had sparked the laughing session.
Now, Shuichi slept on the floor, curled up from exhaustion and mumbling about how they should move the dresser again. Akira had thrown an extra blanket and pillow at him, but he hadn't moved to accept them, so they sat on him uselessly. Temari had taken half of her bed, and Akira had laid between her and a left-over shelf. They would have to finish in the morning, and she couldn't stop thinking about tomorrow.
About how everything but nothing has changed.
Akira turns her head to look at her friend as Temari sleeps soundlessly. She had learned all of Akira's secrets, had sat with her, had stayed. Akira looks away, eyes prickling with the thought before looking at the ceiling again.
She had one last stop to make. Quietly she slides out of the bed. She had one last person to speak with and to see if he would mind if he remained in the dark.
If he's surprised to see her, he doesn't act like it. Akira had knocked quietly on his window and for a moment when he opened it to see her, she couldn't help but think of how funny the change of situation is.
Gaara simply meets her eyes, pauses a moment as he studies her, before moving to let her in.
"Tea?" He asks quietly and when she nods, the corner of her mouth quirking up, he moves and tilts his head for her to follow him.
She's never been in his room; she realizes as he leads her in. She hadn't been over enough to really visit more than Temari's bedroom, and she had barged her way into that space. She knew of the main living area Temari always took her too. Apparently, it had been for appearances only, a place to bring guests so they seemed somewhat normal while the siblings had sectioned off an entire wing of the mansion so they could live normally away from prying eyes. She found this out shortly after befriending Temari, and she pauses a moment to look around. A couch, a desk, many plants scattered in the living space. One catches her eyes, and she vaguely remembers gifting it to the boy in front of her as she waits, standing by the door.
She isn't sure why she feels so awkward here. She's been alone with him before, she would have once probably lounged on the couch without a care, and read a book while he worked.
But now as he tilts his head to the couch, and hands her a cup of tea that smells exactly how she likes it, she can't quite meet his eyes.
It's quiet in his room, the light of the lamp paints lovely shadows on the wall that Akira's eyes wander too. It takes her a moment to realize that Gaara's room didn't even have a bed, having never needing one. She goes back to studying the different plant life in the room. There were smaller cacti piled by the window and picture frames hung around the walls. Akira particularly likes the juxtaposition between a younger serious and cold Gaara with his siblings, who stood by but were careful not to invade his space, to a newer photo of Gaara looking warmer but still aloof as Kankuro hangs off him and Temari grinned at the camera.
They sit in silence, shoulder to shoulder, on a small couch that is pressed against the wall, but careful to keep some distance. Gaara is overly conscious of that, and Akira studies the shades of shadows as her thumb rubs against the edge of her cup. She hadn't planned on seeing him again so early. God she should have just paced her room, this felt wrong. It was too soon, too close to when everything had originally started falling apart. Akira takes a breath as Gaara sips his tea and she glances at him out of the corner of her eye. He simply waits for her, as he said he would originally, and she knows in her gut she needs to have this conversation with him. To keep him in the loop, to a degree.
But guilt fills her up for having jerked him around throughout all of this, and she doesn't deserve his friendship.
"I need to apologize," She finally manages to spit out as Gaara turns his head to look at her. She glances at him before facing forward and closing her eyes. "And I need space still, and I need to tell you what to expect now." Her voice is weak and Gaara can read the tension in her shoulders. She seemed more tired than usual as he carefully cradles his cup of tea.
Akira takes a breath and another sip of tea. The warm liquid calming her nerves a little. "My papa died when I was seven, but it feels like he died recently, like a week ago. My teammate, my friend Jin… I haven't had the chance to bring her up but… she passed before I moved here, and it feels like she died yesterday. It seems like we just became friends an hour ago. Not months ago, almost a year now that I think about it." She chuckles a little at that before glancing at Gaara and back to the floor. "I know that's not right but... I can't control how I feel. I just need time to process it, to work on how I should feel now. Presently. Because I… I can't keep grieving I can't stay in the past."
Gaara is blissfully silent as she leans back against the couch. Her eyes, he notes, are darker than normal and for a moment she looks just... defeated.
"There are gonna be days where I'm not going to want to talk. Where I'm gonna want to just lay in bed and not move. I just want you to know you're still welcome over. And that I'm sorry since I don't know how to have you help with it." She takes her eyes off the ceiling long enough to get a gulp of her tea and closes her eyes as she tries to calm down. Part of her wants to cry on his shoulder because her father is gone, her friend is gone, and this new friendship feels so tentative. Like they hadn't gone through everything they just had.
She knows he holds nothing against her, knows that he's handled this as well as he could have given one moment, he has a friend and the next she's unsure of who he is and what he means to her. Then for her to run away, thank him for the memories, run away again, and for her to ask him not to be around while she sorts herself out. To ask him to leave instead of relying on him. As if she doesn't trust him, but in all actuality, it's that she doesn't trust herself.
"What do you need to apologize for?" He asks, hoping to steer the conversation away from her father. Akira's eyes fly open as she turns her head and looks at him. Her eyes are glassy from unshed tears.
"...For making you lonely again." She says softly and Gaara almost sputters.
"What?" He asks softly completely thrown as she blinks at him.
"I remember what you told me, of growing up in fear and constant hatred. You were treated terribly, and you were so lonely. That's why Naruto helped you so much. He showed you that you could form your own bonds. You talk a lot about him." She wipes her eyes a little as she shifts to face him fully her arm against the back of the couch as she leans forward a little.
"I don't think you even notice but when it's quiet and dark like this, you start to look so lonely. I never wanted to make you lonely. I wanted to be by your side and show you that you're not alone. I just ended up shoving you away and that wasn't fair. This wasn't fair. And I'm sorry. I know that you want me to have my space, but what's the point if it just hurts the people I love." Her eyes haven't left his, and his brow is furrowed in concern and disbelief as he practically gaps at her.
"Gaara I won't push you away after this, I'll depend on you because you don't push, you're just there and I want that. I want to do the same for you, maybe we don't talk much every night and maybe we don't know everything about each other. But I don't want you to miss me. I don't want you to be alone and with what happened with Shukaku-."
"I am sorry for that." He breathes out because he truly is and even if he's being thrown for a loop presently, he's still sorry.
"...Well I'm not." She breathes after a beat. "I can say that honestly now, knowing everything, that I would do it again. In a heartbeat. No hesitation. Because I got to help one of my favorite people and I got the truth. I remember my papa. Even if it hurts now, I just..." She pauses and looks away from him and back to the shadows. She scans them for a moment as though trying to find something in them.
"I would rather face Shukaku again, than let you get hurt, memories or no memories. But I know you well enough that you would rather I not do that. So, I don't think you should be sorry when you helped me too." She says eventually as Gaara blinks at her and shifts himself.
"Akira-." He starts but she shakes her head moving to rest her elbows on her knees and rest her jaw in the palm of her hand as she turns her head to look at him.
"Gaara, no matter what, I want to stay in your life, I want to protect you, I want to never make you lonely. Because you would do all those things for me. I still need time to work through everything so I'm not a weepy mess next time we talk. I want to know who I am and were I stand with everyone. But I want you to know I will be seeking out more tea soon." She grins at him, it doesn't quite reach her eyes as she holds her cup up, and there's still a tension to her shoulders, but Gaara lets out a shaky breath because it's Akira.
He's still thrown because she just vaguely admitted to loving him, and really, he shouldn't be surprised. But he still is thrown from the sheer acceptance, genuine understanding, and her kindness because she doesn't know about half of what he did. He's sure she's heard the rumors of the beast and monster he had once been, but she's appeared to be bothered with them due to him changing. Or trying too anyway. Gaara holds out his hand for her empty cup and Akira lets him take it. But before she can pull back her hands, he yanks her closer.
Gaara's arms snake their way around her as he holds her tightly to himself. His sand holding both their cups as he hugs her tightly.
"Thank you." He breathes as Akira blinks and flashes of many times before, of dumb fights over nothing of importance, of star gazing, of sitting in comfortable silence move across her mind. She was as much of a constant to Gaara as he was to her.
"Thank you too." She breathes out her throat tight with emotions as she hugs him back hard. Because she really does care about him. She really doesn't want to hurt him. The urge to cry on his shoulder rises again as she rests her head against it.
"Gaara, I don't need to know... About how you were before. Not unless you want to tell me." She whispers as he stiffens in her hold. She rubs a flat hand against his back and takes a breath. "I have some things that I do not want you to know. So... if you want... those things can stay buried." He nods against her shoulder once again thrown but this time, also grateful.
Because this would mean no drugging up the past. This was something he could keep a hold of as part of his present. The bond with Akira would last into the future and be free of his past. Of their past. No one would have to wonder or worry; it just wouldn't matter.
And he had never been so thankful for such a gift.
Akira lets out a shaky exhale at his nod, grateful that they can leave the past buried. She isn't sure how he would have reacted to knowing that she didn't want to, and couldn't honor Jin's last sacrifice. Gaara's promises were oaths he took; he always tried his best to honor them in some capacity.
She squeezes him one last time before pulling away as she lets out a shaky exhale. "If I keep hugging you, I'm going to end up crying." She lets out a shallow bark of a laugh before wiping her eyes. "But Baki said I'm benched indefinitely, and he more or less hinted that I need to become a Jonin so you have more allies now that you reached your dream." She smiles and gently nudges his shoulder with her own as Gaara nods and looks down.
"It… feels surreal." He admits as Akira gently places her hand over one of his.
"I bet it does. But you are going to make an amazing Kazekage. You'll have Temari, Kankuro and me by your side and many people in the village already accept you." Akira's thumb rubs gently against Gaara's before he turns his hand and gently squeezes hers back.
"Thank you," If it wasn't so quiet in the room, Akira would have missed the sentiment. She bumps her shoulder into his own and smiles at him.
"Of course." She pulls back a bit and looks at him. "I feel bad jerking you around and not letting you help, and I know you would love to help. But you need to focus on your own stuff. You have a whole village to fix, and I'll be by your side again-."
"You haven't left." He blurts it out, brows furrowed before he shifts and looks at her fully. "You can take all the time you need. I understand that you've been through a lot. But you will never stop having a place by my side. You will never stop being an important person to me." Akira feels her breath catch in her throat as he gently cups her face in his hands and forces her to meet his gaze. Akira stares into lovely mint eyes that almost seem to blaze as they stared into her own. "Akira, you have helped me in so many ways, and whether you need space or to talk, whether you are physically here or elsewhere, I will always consider you to be by my side so as long as you want to be there."
Gaara's hands are warm as he brushes his thumbs against her cheeks and Akira realizes as she swallows dryly that she's crying.
"I just," She tries to swallow again and Gaara inches closer. "I was so mean to you, and then I just left you alone-."
"You hardly remembered me." One of his arms snakes around her, one hand still on her cheek and she sighs and nuzzles into his palm.
"I know I just-."
"You're allowed to take time to grieve, you're allowed to need space." Akira's eyes flutter shut trying to stop the incoming sobs as Gaara gently rubs a hand up and down her back.
"…My father would have liked you." She responds quietly and Gaara is taken aback a second time by her words, but allows her to wrap her arms around his neck and hug him close as she cries quietly into his shoulder.
"I-I promise I didn't come here j-just to cry." She sobs as Gaara tilts his head against hers and rubs her back.
"I know."
"I j-just wanted…" She takes a large breath trying to regulate her breathing. "T-To keep you in the loop."
"Thank you,"
"A-And to apologize."
"There's no need." Akira's entire body shakes with her grief, her emotions and Gaara's own throat is tight. Because he wishes he could do more for her, for her pain, but there's little he can do presently.
He can't revive the dead.
He can't physically take away her pain.
But he can hold her, he can rub her back like she does for him, he can try and provide some comfort. So he does. He holds her, and rubs her back, and lets her sob into his shoulder and tries his best to be here for her. To let her know she will always have a place in his life, to never judge her for her past.
They buried who they were, and that was all they needed to know. That would be enough.
Gaara isn't sure how much time as past before Akira pulls back, finally done crying as she wipes her eyes dry and winces at the wet spot left on his shoulder. Gaara doesn't bother with it though before giving her hands another squeeze. He gets up and Akira watches as he grabs a box of tissues and offers her another cup of tea which she accepts wordlessly.
He waits for her to drink and to wipe her face before speaking. "Do you feel better?"
"I feel tired." She answers, unsure of how to voice this strange empty feeling in her chest where her anger once sat, and he nods once.
"Do you want to stay here?" He asks even as he looks down at his couch unsure.
"No, I… I should be getting back. Thank you for everything, I'm glad we could talk."
"Always." Akira can't help the smile at that, and for the first time since this whole ordeal she feels lighter.
"If you need anything-."
"I know." Akira gives him another smile as she moves to a stand and Gaara moves to lead her to the door. He gives her a once over before opening it and leading her out.
"I think I'm going to try and do the Jonin exam. I want to do more for you and the village. This is my home now." Akira breathes out as Gaara nods.
"As long as you're sure. Please don't push yourself for my sake."
"If not for you then who?" Akira lets out a soft laugh at that as Gaara rolls his eyes.
"Rest is important, Akira."
"We've had this conversation before." Gaara gives her a look that catches her off guard. It's soft and warm and makes her heart flutter as he holds the door open for her.
"And I'm sure it will be a reoccurring one." Akira snorts at that despite her the flutter in her chest and Gaara gives her a small smile back.
It doesn't take much longer for her to say goodbye and to get back to her house, suddenly entirely exhausted as she slides back into bed next to Temari and the abandoned portion of her shelf. Even her bones feel tired as she lets herself relax in her mattress and she bundles her blankets up to cover her nose. As soon as she's comfortable she feels the familiar pull of sleep and she briefly thinks about Gaara and his offer of tea once more.
She falls asleep with a promise to meet him for tea when she was better, and with the knowledge that despite everything, he would always be in her life.
And she in his.
-End- Song Choice: Simmer by Haley Williams was the song that took over my mind when writing this chapter. It's just the quiet controlled rage with how the song is sung. The lyrics, the way I was trying to portray Akira's own rage in this chapter. From screaming and raging in the last one to this one with her breaking down and realizing who she was and who she wants to be. I don't know if anyone else ever experienced so much anger it turned into sadness and how that sadness can turn back into anger but I wanted to portray that. It's a vicious cycle and with help Akira finally overcomes it and starts to heal.
The next chapter might take a minute for me to knock out given how it's similar to chapter 6 and the way that was written but I'm excited to continue doing this.
Hope you enjoyed! Bye.
