"The doors of Heaven and Hell are adjacent and identical"

- Ogden Nash

"Beware of the door with too many keys."

- Portuguese Proverb

It was supposed to be the last stage in a long journey back from despair. Almost four years since his Agathe had left him, and yet, the feelings were still as raw for him as the days immediately following her death. Despite being a Captain, his emotions were hard to control when it came to Agathe and their family, and he did not dare appear weak in front of the children. He could not handle the thought of them crumbling in front of him when his own heart was hanging on a tenterhook. Consequently, anytime there was a celebration in the family, he would run.

A brave Knight of the Maria Theresa Order, indeed!

Every day without her was hard, but birthdays, holidays, Christmas...they were excruciating. With seven children, there never seemed to be a month that passed that didn't have a special day in it. Missing Marta's birthday was not unusual for Georg. As he counted on his fingers, he realized that the number of special occasions he had been present for over the past four years could be counted on two hands.

The children did not expect him to be home by this point, however, he knew that they expected him to at least call or send a telegram. Prior to this recent gaffe, he had never failed to ring them when to wish them well while he was away...to wish them a happy day, and to point them in the direction of the hiding place of their gift. This time, however, Georg had messed up big-time. He kicked himself for not getting back to the hotel in time to call Marta to wish her well on her birthday. He had little to be proud of vis-a-vis their children, but he was proud of his track record for calling home when he was supposed to.

Even though he was a self-proclaimed absent father at this point in his life, Georg's pride was hurting. He had every intention of placing a call that day. He had voiced his concerns to Elsa that very morning, and she had convinced him they would be back in time from the damn tea party! Instead, the tea party had turned into an extended evening of dinner and dancing, and he completely lost track of the time – damnit! The next morning, he was too ashamed to call Marta and apologize for missing her birthday. He hoped Frau Schmidt knew where to find the gift he had left. Perhaps the children would not notice, being so wrapped up in the new Governess and her unconventional nature?

Elsa's sharp focus on social events (but not much else) should have sent up warning flares for Georg, but she was so integral in keeping him madly active and not allowing him to wallow in self-pity. It seemed that Elsa was not at all interested in learning about the children, nor did she encourage Georg to prioritize his children and their well-being over the course of their relationship. Georg knew that Agathe would have judged Elsa quite harshly...knowing that Elsa thought more of her couturier and her social calendar than making sure that Georg lived up to his fatherly obligations.

It was obvious there would need to be some work done on that front: Elsa would need to bond with the children if they were to ever try to accept her as their new mother. Georg was worried about what the children were thinking of Elsa now, would they see her as being responsible for his latest misstep? The day that the little Fraulein arrived, they were excited to learn from him that the Baroness would be coming to visit; but maybe that excitement was more for Max's benefit than hers? Georg was deeply troubled with this birthday mess and what the children thought of the whole thing. However, for some strange reason, Georg found himself hoping that she, the little Fraulein, had not judged him too harshly for his oversight.

But back to Elsa, he sighed, as he tried to keep his focus trained on his future. Since Agathe's passing, life for Georg had been a long and tough slog. Almost four years of hurt, loneliness, and despair. Until a few years ago when the fog started to lift...although it was still nowhere close to clearing. Elsa: she had been his saviour. She had brought some meaning back into his life, got him away from the bottle, and out into society. Yet, the more he thought about the 'meaning' she brought into his life, the more he realized how different it was compared to what it was like when Agathe was alive. In those happier times, "meaning" meant time spent alone with her, playing with the children, rowing on the lake, and climbing in the hills. Playing music in the drawing room after dinner while the children played games and dolls on the floor.

The whole villa reeked of those memories. Everywhere he turned, there was something. It was suffocating, and so he had little choice but to escape. To run away to Vienna – only to get there and wish he were at home again! The ballroom was especially difficult for him to face, even after four years. Up until that fateful day when the little Fraulein arrived and had literally ripped opened the door to his heart, he had rarely thought about the precious memories that room held. Georg had done such a respectable job of forgetting; it was as though that room did not even exist.

However, over the past 10 days, he had thought about that room more than he had during the past four years.

Shaking his thoughts back to the present, Georg realized that his search for a reason to stay had ultimately led to today: bringing Elsa here to meet the children. The last necessary step in his long journey and the beginning of a new life. Yet, as they walked along the lakeshore together, he was hit by the realization of how different they were. She adored her friends, her high society parties, and her wardrobe. He pretended to enjoy that lifestyle. He had tried to rebuild his life around what she liked, and in so doing, he gave up so much of who he really was inside. Elsa had told him as they walked that she liked it here, that she loved the mountains, that they were magnificent! However, Georg wondered if she could really be happy here.

Elsa had heard so much about the villa, mostly through Max who had been here more times than Georg cared to count. Georg noticed that seeing it with her own eyes seemed to make a difference. He sensed that Elsa's first view of the vista from the backyard made a strong impression on her. Georg could tell that she was impressed with the estate, the lakeside, the mountains, and the horses, and yet, he wondered if she saw it more as a vacation home more than a place to start a new life together with the children. Georg realized that any discussions about wedding bells would also require agreement on where they would live. Granted, Elsa could likely convince him to live part-time here and part-time in Vienna if he could manage to keep a governess, but Georg knew that while the little Fraulein seemed to be working some sort of miracle with the children, she could not stay permanently with them.

He scowled as an image of her in a habit passed through his mind.

As Georg and Elsa scoured the perimeter of the estate on the way to the stables, Georg continued to keep the conversation light with a number of self-deprecating remarks. Inside, however, he was ruminating...but he could not let Elsa know he was feeling troubled. As they walked, Georg pointed out the latest addition to his flock: Empress, a little filly with impeccable genes. The sire was from the Piber Stud Farm in Köflach, while the mare, Adelaide, was a direct descendent Lipizzan of the original Habsburg stock. For Korvettenkapitän Georg Von Trapp, it was yet another perk of being a member of the Order of Maria Theresa.

Adelaide had immediately recognized Georg and wandered over to the fence line and he offered her a loving rub on the head and a pat down. The mare seemed quite pleased to be in his company again and nuzzled her head into his shoulder. Elsa stepped forward to give her welcome, only to have the mare flare her nostrils and snort in her general direction. Elsa tried to appear unaffected as she wiped the splatter from her face. With Elsa's outraged gasp, Adelaide quickly turned away from them both and made her way back into the open paddock with a flick of her tail. Georg smiled inwardly at this development, noting the apparent contrast between the little Fraulein, who had made fast friends with both horses, and Elsa, who ended up with a face full of slobber! It was a good thing he did not need Adelaide's approval before proposing marriage.

Walking together, Georg repeatedly tapped his riding crop against his leg, thinking that this time together in such a beautiful setting afforded him the perfect opportunity to tell Elsa that he loved her, how much she meant to him. But the word "love" would not fall from his lips - all he had was "saviour". He understood completely how important she was in bringing him back from the brink and bringing new perspective to his life. But no matter how hard he tried, he knew that what he was feeling was not love – not like he had known with Agathe. He loved Elsa as a dear friend, someone he enjoyed spending time with... but the emotional connection was lacking. He had hoped that over time friendship would develop into something else. He was still waiting.

As he squinted into the sun, Georg tried read the expression on Elsa's face when she called him "unromantic" and it gave him some perspective. He could tell that she was not expecting him to say what he had, and he kicked himself for not being able to say it aloud, even if he did not mean it. After all, wasn't it the right thing, the necessary thing, to move them forward, and on to the next step? He loved spending time with her, but he just could not love her...he was standing at a door to his future with Elsa, but he just could not look past the threshold. All of a sudden, he felt terribly claustrophobic.

Searching, just like Elsa… what was he searching for? How many times had he told himself that he needed a mother for his children, but didn't really want a wife? And yet, here he was on the cusp of marriage to a woman without a motherly bone in her body. Hopefully, she could see how lovely the children were and would take to them? That they would take to her? All would be well? It would not be the life he had with Agathe, but it would be comfortable and uncomplicated. After all, everyone expected it of them at this point. So, why was it all so damn hard?

Georg patted Elsa's hands lovingly after she had peered up at him from her diminutive height, looking at him with such longing. As he dropped her hand and made his way towards the villa, he let out a little awkward laugh and kept his gaze set on the villa, lest his expression give away how he was feeling at that moment.

Starting a new life was like standing on the end of a high dive: thinking about it only made it worse. He just needed to jump! If only he could find the children and the damn governess, then he could get on with his life.

Where were the children? Surely Frau Schmidt would know when to expect them back if they were not here already. They should be here already, but he knew that the little Fraulein had been up to her usual hijinks that day. Hopefully with the Governess' help, the children would be on their best behaviour and would impress Elsa with their disciplined nature. A good first impression would give him some much-needed leverage in future discussions about where they would live and where the children would go to school. Despite his absence in their lives, sending them away to boarding school was absolutely out of the question.

In the foyer of the villa, Georg spotted his trusted housekeeper bustling towards the kitchen and called out...

"oh Frau Schmidt, I was wondering where the children are?".

ooOoo

Later on that evening, the Captain sat with his back ramrod straight in his desk chair, his fingers laced tightly together as he started out the window watching the moon rise over the lake. With a jaundiced eye, Georg, being a Captain of great renown, reflected on that fateful afternoon...his latest battle.

Georg had always been highly calculated as a sea Captain, always knowing when to strike. He never lost his cool. On several occasions during the Great War, Georg had let enemy ships pass by safely in the night, studying their behaviour so he would be better prepared when they returned the next evening. What had happened to that Captain of yore?

Georg leaned forward in his chair and lifted the tumbler off the desk in front of him. Peering down into the ice cubes, the scotch long since gone but the warm fuzzy feeling remaining, he shook the ice about the glass. The crystal shards of ice were much smoother than the harsh words that had tumbled off the lips of Fraulein Maria earlier that afternoon. With a little smirk, and a subsequent shake of the ice, he recalled that his latest battle with the Governess marked a turning point in his search for the future. Today's battle had marked the worst strategic blunder in all his years of combat, but it was a day that had taught him more than any moment over the past four years.

Thinking back to earlier that afternoon, Georg could not pinpoint the moment that pushed him to lose all control of his emotions. Well, if he was totally honest with himself, he had a fairly good idea. The last time he had lost his temper like that was about 20 years ago; that day he had had it out with Agathe's two older brothers, John Jr. and Frank. Agathe's mother had obviously encouraged her sons to do their best to scare Georg off, thinking that he was not at all husband-like material for her demure daughter and their younger sister. The two brothers had goaded him, reminding him he was not born of nobility, that as a sailor, he had a woman in every port...that he was not worthy of her love and affection.

Looking back on that day many years ago, he could see parallels with what had transpired on the terrace with Fraulein Maria just hours before. His ardent desire of a woman had clouded his judgement and cranked his temper close to the boiling point. All the hours he had spent repressing these feelings he had for the little Fraulein had finally got the best of him, and when they were set free, they mingled with his pride and his awareness of what he was supposed to do next, and they resurfaced with incredible force.

While Maria...uh, Fraulein Maria...was not trying to scare him off the way John Jr. and Frank once did, her brutal words forcefully opened doors he had securely locked for four years. He now realized he feared losing them: their children.

His passion for the little governess fueled their argument. They fought like a couple who had been married for years. Truths were hurled at him faster than he could dodge them. Maria cared for the children so deeply, as if they were her own, and she seemed to know that Georg was hiding another man inside of himself and was trying to reach him. He hated the fact that she was judging him and finding him a weakling, because deep down, he wanted her to respect him.

Georg smiled wistfully as he recalled how Agathe used to let him have it just like the little Fraulein had that afternoon. And now, no matter what would happen in Georg's tomorrow, a bond had been forged in the throes of battle that afternoon that could never be broken. A deep respect for a worthy opponent's tactics. Georg's emotions that day had run the gamut from desire to fierce anger to sincere admiration...

...but, goddammit, why did she have to have her heart set on being a nun?

Georg was ready to acknowledge the bond they had forged today, but he would need to forget about the rest of his feelings. The little Fraulein would be key to helping him reconnect with his children...she could teach him. This assistance, in turn, would ease the transition to a future with Elsa as their new mother. At least he hoped it would. Surely, the Captain could keep his emotions out of this and get the job done?

Rising from his chair and making his way towards the French doors to let in the fresh air, Georg recalled key moments from earlier that afternoon...being mindful of how quickly things deteriorated.

As his car passed the children in the Allee, and most notably, when he saw Louisa hanging from a tree, he realized his control over his seven children was lost. Never before had the previous eleven governesses disobeyed his instructions! However, the little Fraulein had done nothing but thwart his authority over the children since the moment she arrived!

Arriving home at the villa, he become more agitated when he realized the children and their Fraulein had yet to return from their misadventures. Frau Schmidt was particularly evasive, almost as if she were goading him with her simple answers to his complicated questions. She seemed to adore Maria, and rather than giving Georg the reconnaissance he requested, she instead listed all the wonderful changes that she had witnessed in the children that over the past 10 days. Franz was no help, either. He had been in town for much of the day since it was his day off. Josephine had been prepping in the kitchen for Elsa's arrival, so she had little to say about the circumstances, other than to echo Frau Schmidt's earlier comments about how absolutely lovely Fraulein Maria was.

Oh ho! but despite their evasive answers, Georg knew exactly where the children were, and he was not happy about that! Nor was he happy that the staff in the villa seemed to be under her spell. What was it about this woman that seemed to bewitch everyone who crossed her path? Himself included?

As Georg came out the house, his fingers were twitching as he realized the little Fraulein had kiboshed his plans again. The children were supposed to be here, marching about the grounds. All lined up in formation where they would meet Elsa, their future stepmother, and the last pieces of the puzzle would start to fall into place. Georg kicked himself for not letting the Fraulein know when he would be returning; he had thought it would be a great idea to surprise her, to catch her in the act, and see what she had really been up to.

As he ran his fingers along the curtains in his study, he thought of how quickly and effectively Fraulein Maria had changed things. Georg rolled his eyes and sighed, the words of Robert Burns coming to mind: "the best laid schemes o' mice an' men, gang aft agley, an' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain, for promis'd joy!"

That afternoon, things had gone from bad to worse in short order. The telegram boy...Elsa making excuses for him...Max and his lack of political convictions!

A hot-blooded boy in pursuit of his first born. It was unbelievable! Then, once the lad was confronted, it got worse. A hot-blooded Nazi was in pursuit of his first born. He had had quite enough of this boy and sent him on his way, reminding him that he was not welcome here. Then, Elsa effectively reprimanded him, pointing out that he was just a boy. Didn't she realize that he had laid down his life for his country, his Empire, his Emperor. He would never hand it over to some boy and his crazed group of conspirators who chose to put their faith and hope in the psychotic Fuhrer next door?

And of course, the source of many headaches over the years, Maximillian Gerold Bernhard Detweiller, rose to the occasion yet again. A man of many talents, but apart from a few close friends, not loyal to anyone in particular. If the money flowed and the music played, Max would be in his element, regardless of who was running the country. He could not help it if he had no political convictions. Well, he should. He could do it if he put his mind to it.

A Nazi, a daughter on the brink of womanhood, a dear friend without principles, a future bride who tried to dismiss his loyalties and seemed to care only for the company of a naval hero who would not rock the boat. So many things piled on top of Georg in such little time. His head was pounding, and he had to bite his tongue in order to prevent an argument.

Between Elsa and Max, the two of them were masters of sanitation: always trying to convince Georg that the potential Austria was just as good as the old Austria. Today was no different. He tried desperately to keep it together, but at that very moment from across the lake rose a chorus of voices that would soon herald the docking of the Louisa. A wooden dory on the lake, full of singing children, and a spritely governess. The same damn governess who had invaded his thoughts since the moment he first laid eyes on her in that gawdy grey dress.

As the boat emerged from behind the trees, he could easily spot Louisa sitting proudly in her namesake, her little face the startling likeness of her mother, especially with the kerchief in her hair. The little Fraulein was in the bow, her back towards him. Georg noted that thankfully, she had made some new clothes for herself since he last saw her! Fraulein Maria, however, was completely oblivious of the torpedo that would soon be launched in her direction!

Getting over his initial amusement at the sight of the dory on the lake for the first time in years, Georg soon realized that nothing was going as planned. All these things that he could not control were kindling for his simmering temper...

He was supposed to be introducing his brood to his future bride. The children were supposed to be well-behaved and presentable. The Von Trapp children did not row in boats anymore! They were the aristocratic sons and daughters of the Empire! They needed to make a good impression on their future stepmother. They should be doing schoolwork, reading books, marching about the grounds breathing deeply! They should be staying clean. Everything tightly controlled at all times. That moment, Georg felt like his life was slipping through his fingers like sand on the beaches of the Adriatic.

In an instant, things went from bad to worse – or, more precisely, from wet to dry! As the children realized he had returned home, they all rose to their feet like a choir to greet him. He could not believe that the children of a sea captain would be so stupid to think it was a good idea to stand in a boat! And yet, the dory managed to stay stable until the mutton-headed dolt of a governess decided to stand up as well! She clasped her hands together in delight at his return and looked as if she had just witnessed God, himself, a huge smile plastered across her face. For a fleeting instance, he felt a tiny shred of delight at the scene unfolding. He could not remember his children looking this happy to see him in the years since Agathe passed.

...But in the next instance, the whole lot of them went ass-over-teakettle into the murky waters of the Leopoldskroner Weiher.

As the eight of them scampered from the water, he was struck with a most unusual observation. It was the first time in almost four years that he heard the children laughing. Like, really laughing! He found it remarkable that they showed no fear of him despite the circumstances. Little Greta's feet were sliding on the smooth stones of the pathway as she turned her head over her shoulders to laugh with her siblings. It was as though living their lives like slightly wild and happy children was a normal thing.

So many conflicting emotions – a lingering sense that he was such a failure as a parent, that he had let Agathe down - and that the chaos that followed the little Fraulein wherever she went had now directly impacted his future.

All at once, almost four years of repressed anger, sadness, hopelessness...you name it, Georg felt it...it all came bubbling to the surface. Today was supposed to be the first day of the rest of his life, and it all went to hell in a handbasket in the blink of an eye.

Georg was used to Max and Elsa sanitizing everything, since they so desperately wanted to keep their perfect veneer unscathed, politely reminding him to tone down his feelings for the sake of appearances. However, the feisty drowned rat from Nonnberg held absolutely nothing back. He could sense the fire in her eyes without even looking at her as he lined the children up for their introductions to their future stepmother. He knew that she was fed up with him and his temper, and it had been well over four years since someone had oozed such energy, such discontent with something he had done. He knew at that moment he had to put her in her place and show Elsa that he was in command of his domain. Things had gone too far too quickly in his absence, and just like the swamped dory, he needed to right the ship as soon as he could.

He dismissed the children to the villa to change their clothes and make themselves presentable. The little Fraulein soon followed, but he stopped her in her tracks with his sharp tone and a pointed finger that she could sense without looking at him. Elsa took this opportunity to flee from the storm that she knew was brewing, preferring to seek the company of Max inside the villa.

What had started as a routine questioning of the governess, a test to see if she would lie to him about their whereabouts that day, had quickly turned into full-on warfare. He first pushed her on the tree climbing, and she did not deny it. Just like her first night in the villa when she told him she only disobeyed orders during thunderstorms; on this a clear blue-sky day, she puffed out her chest and confirmed that they had, in fact, been climbing trees that day. The kerchief, that object that linked him in that moment to a young Agathe Whitehead, was next. He held it up in disdain and turned up his nose like he was holding a rotting fish.

"Play clothes" she retorted, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Her calm demeanor was an additional reminder that it was his stubborn streak had led her to take such extreme measures. She had politely asked him for material. He was the one who had left her with no other choice.

"I made them...from the drapes that used to hang in my bedroom".

Her bedroom. For so many nights his dreams had been full of the little nun in her bedroom. He cringed inwardly.

"Drapes?" Georg bleated.

"They still had plenty of wear left...the children have been everywhere in them".

She replied with a face as straight and serious as the Empire's most senior commanding officer. For a moment, he was struck by a memory of the immediate aftermath of the sinking of the Leon Gambetta. As a Knight of the Military Order of Maria Theresa, Georg had first-hand experience in the execution of "successful military acts of essential impact to a campaign that were undertaken on the officer's own initiative, and might have been omitted by an honorable officer without reproach." When he made the decision to fire, he knew he was right, but he knew the risk he was taking.

Apparently, so did she.

That little nun-turned-governess carried herself with such passion and pride; she oozed confidence out of every pore. Fraulein Maria knew that she was right to disobey his order and she was not going to back down from his attempt to scare her into submission.

As Georg pushed her further, questioning her ability to maintain order and decorum, her pride began to turn to molten lava. It boiled and bubbled inside of her, her attachment to the children so apparent. Her anger with his inadequacies as a parent so profound. She lobbed heavy truths at him like one would toss grenades in active warfare. They kept hitting him on all flanks, never once giving him an inch to breathe. He needed to retreat or push harder. How dare she tell him like it was! How dare she tell him the truth and not purify the world for him! That he was not home long enough to know them. That they would be grown up soon and it would be too late.

He did not need to be reminded that his children needed him, now more than ever; hearing it from her cut open his soul.

So many Truths. So many painful truths...

"...mmhmmm, and having a mahhhvelous time!"

"...straight jackets, if you will forgive me..."

"...well, they wouldn't dare - they love you too much. They fear you too much".

"You've got to hear it from someone, you're never home long enough to know them..."

"I know you don't, but you've got to!".

Georg stopped cold. Agathe? Ag-a-the? How many times had she told him the very same thing. Told him to hang on tight when he was strung out by night terrors. She would pass him a lifeline and tell him that he just had to...

"Now take Liesl...you won't even know her…."

"...he wants to be a man like you, and there's no one to show him how!"

"She notices everything!"

"…how hurt he is when you brush him aside, the way you do all of them…."

"...but someone has to find out about her!". Georg cringed inwardly. He knew Louisa as well as he knew himself.

"The little ones just want to be loved! Oh pleeease, Captain, love them, love them all!"

"I am not finished yet, Captain!"

Oh yes, you are, Captain! ...Fraulein.

He had to get rid of this woman before she ground him into a pulp. He was frightened. He was confused. He had never felt this way before. And so, he fired her...sent her back the Abbey where she could not hurt him again, sent her away to the Abbey so he could be safe.