Sei tu dal ciel disceso,
o in ciel son io con te?*
(*Have you come down from heaven, or am I in heaven with you?)
- Leonora, in Il Trovatore (Verdi)
Maria was standing in front of the mirror in her bedroom for the weekend, trying to get her hair to cooperate. She was dressed for the day and had a spring in her step. The weekend at the Whiteheads had been lovely so far.
Just as the Captain had promised, Maria had made fast friends with Bertie and had been enchanted by Sir John. For such a high-society couple, she was in awe at their simplicity. Although they could have afforded a small army of staff, they ran with a shoestring number of household staff similar to that of the Captain.
The Whiteheads romped with their grandchildren, they eagerly bestowed affection, they sat down and shared stories over tea. Even though they were separated by layers and layers of social strata, Maria found the Whiteheads to be very down-to-Earth and she shared things in common with them. Indeed, the Whiteheads fundamentally changed the way Maria saw members of the upper class. It was true, just like Sister Sophia once told her: you should not paint them all with the same brush. They were nothing at all like Baroness Schraeder who would thumb her nose in the direction of anyone who could not afford a high society wardrobe.
Maria crossed herself for having such uncharitable thoughts about the Baroness. Again.
Over breakfast, Maria and Bertie decided to take the children to Sunday Mass at Hofkirche. Thankfully for Maria, she did not have to eat breakfast with the Captain that morning since he and John had stowed themselves away in John's study over coffee and croissants. She was still quite unsettled after yesterday's "event" behind the barn.
What was this feeling that enveloped her every time she thought of it?
Maria was in the foyer helping the children to get ready to go to mass when the men emerged from their hiding place. The Captain hugged all of the children good morning and winked at Maria. Maria immediately turned three shades of red and she had to turn away to compose herself, pretending she had something going on with her shoe.
Had the fiend read her mind?
Georg soon announced that he and John would be visiting an old navy friend in town over brunch and would not be joining them for mass, not that Maria expected him to attend. She was quite certain that he wasn't ready for that stage of his new life yet. The Captain still remained rather dismayed with God; and considering the trajectory of the past years, Maria could easily understand why.
The Captain and John took off together in the Captain's car, and Randall, the Whitehead's British butler drove Maria, Bertie and the seven children into town and dropped them off just down the street from the cathedral.
Walking along the sidewalk, Maria finally caught sight of the Hofkirche for the first time in years; it still looked as beautiful as ever. Climbing up the steps, she eagerly entered the cathedral, shepherding the children into the church before dipping her fingers in the holy water and making her way to the vestibule to light a candle before mass.
ooOoo
Maria, Bertie and the Von Trapp children emerged from mass almost an hour later, the sun shining brightly upon them. On the way out of the cathedral, Bertie had run into her bridge club friends, Mireille and Nelda, who quickly started up conversations with the children. Nelda's granddaughter, Sabrina, was visiting from Vienna and was Liesl's age, so the two girls took an immediate liking to each other. Mireille suggested they all go back to her townhouse in the Innenstadt for tea and conversation since the men were engaged with other pursuits. Maria was invited to go, but she jumped at the opportunity to ask Bertie to mind the children for a few hours while she visited some of the sights of Innsbruck.
The Captain wasn't here, and therefore he could not say "no"! God did work in mysterious and marvelous ways!
Bertie completely agreed that Maria should go and enjoy her time in town while she was here. Maria gleefully accepted and told Bertie and the children she would see them at home mid-afternoon, and they all went their separate ways.
Maria knew exactly where she was headed. It was about an hour-and-a-half walk to her little road in the mountains and a few minutes more to the small grassland plot where her parents now rested. To save time, however, she decided to pick up the streetcar once she had wandered a bit about the inner town. On the way, she walked along Salurner Strasse, passing all the little quaint shops and coffee spots, the klip-klop of the horses' hooves piercing the mid-day quiet as they pulled the streetcars along behind them.
Soon, Maria came upon the Triumphforte. She stood on the corner and studied it carefully. The arch depicted the Empress Maria Theresia (after whom she was named) who ordered the structure be built in 1765 to mark both the happy occasion of her son's wedding (eventually to become Emperor Leopold) and the despair at losing her own husband, Francis, during the wedding celebrations. Half of the monument was glorious and happy, and the other displayed deep sadness. Maria, of course, thought about the Captain, one of the few recipients of the Maria Theresia medal in Austria. Then she thought of his marriage to the late Baroness and the deep sadness he felt at losing someone he loved. The ache so deep it upends your life, grief so profound it makes the everyday difficult.
Maria recalled her revelation from last night - that in so many ways, she was not much different from the Captain, apart from the obvious and unchangeable things like their place in society. He was wealthy, a member of the aristocracy, and a knight of the Maria-Theresian order. She was a poor novice from Aldrans who had grown up on the slopes of the Pascherkofel. But her parents, who had been so in love like the Captain and his late wife, also had their lives cut short.
Indeed, the Captain had suffered a grave loss, but Maria, too, had lost loved ones. Perhaps the worst part of it all was that she did not fully comprehend everything she had missed out on until she met the Captain and his family. Returning to Innsbruck just reminded her even further. Then there was the realization that she, too, had been running from her pain. She was forced to leave here and live in Salzburg on the Untersberg with her cruel, miserable, and drunk uncle. Once she arrived there, she was always running from her uncle; as soon as she was old enough, she ran away to Vienna to go to school. Once her education was complete, she found herself running again.
To where, and from whom, she wasn't sure.
In retrospect, all of this running is how she ended up at the Abbey: she was seeking the closest thing to a loving family she could ever hope to find.
The ache she felt in her heart never went away and she could not understand why. She thought the Abbey would make it vanish. Now that she had journeyed back into the outside world, she had fresh perspective; she knew that she, like the Captain, had not been able to grieve properly. But how should she do that when her loss hardly compared to the average "death in the family"?
Maria rode the streetcar along the Leopoldstrasse towards the mountain feeling contemplative, tears stinging at her eyes. She refused to let them out. Not here, not in the middle of the town! She willed her eyes to focus on the mountain in the direction of her family's little cottage in Aldrans.
She got off the streetcar at the stop next to the Bergisel, and continued her journey by foot, crossing the footbridge over the Sill and then soon finding herself on the rugged path that wound its way up the mountain towards home.
Home.
It was incredible, really, that she could make this trip without thinking of the directions, her feet taking her to where she needed to go without any instruction or coaxing. As she rounded the bend, she heard the distant, happy splashing of children in the Lanser See. She had vague recollections of time spent there as a young girl with her parents. The July sun beating down as the families sought out a refreshing dip in the crystal blue waters that contrasted against the snow-covered peaks and miles of green carpeting the slopes - familiar sights that brought her such joy.
Not quite an hour later, Maria found herself wandering up the narrow mountain roads and winding foot paths to the Prockenhofweg. Soon, she came upon the remnants of a dusty driveway, overgrown with alpine flowers and small, scampering shrubs; taller trees could be found stretching along the edge of the property. As she stopped to take a deep breath, Maria noted that all that was left of her childhood home was a rusted well pump handle and the beauty of Mother Nature's work as it reclaimed the old stone foundation. All that humans had once tamed had become wild again.
Although it was hard for her to be here today, she was glad she made the journey. It was profound to see things from her childhood perspective once more. She did not remember a great deal about her house, other than that it had a wooden frame with window boxes stuffed with colourful flowers along the front, a wooden swing dangling from the biggest tree, and a slanted roof to keep the snow off in winter. There once was a small barn in the corner with a split rail fence that penned in their livestock. It was all gone now; Maria had learned some time ago that everything was lost in a fire almost a dozen years ago.
Maria turned 180 degrees and looked off towards the Nordkette. The mountain side was striped with the curving lines of the ski runs that snaked along like ribbons of green in June. If she squinted, she could see the towers of the cable car that had ferried them up the mountainside yesterday afternoon...just a stone's throw from the Whitehead's chalet. It was incredible to think that so many years ago she could have stood in this place and looked across the valley to see the fields and mountains of the Whitehead estate.
Maria noted that the clouds had started to roll in over the Nordkette, and the tips of the mountain were shrouded by gray, puffy clouds. Maria knew the mountains and the clouds intimately; they told her that rain would come this afternoon, but not for some time yet since the sun was still blazing on this side of the valley. If she timed things properly, she could finish here and make it back to the villa before the skies opened up.
Wandering down what was left of her lane, Maria walked into what would have been the front door of her house and stood in the middle of the foundation. Turning slowly with her eyes closed, she could almost feel what it was like to live here - not the details of the inside of the house, but the love that filled it. As she opened her eyes, she thought about the foundation of this home - a good base and a will to survive, but not a real home. Maria smiled wistfully as she contemplated her path in life as she was surrounded by the lavender heads of aquilegia pushing themselves up from between the stones.
Maria headed towards a secret path off the back corner of the property that ran towards the old mill pond. She wove in and out of the trees, their branches so dense with needles and pinecones that barely any light reached the surface of the forest floor. As she got closer to the edge of the woods, it became progressively brighter before she finally emerged along the edge of a potter's field that surrounded the tiny chapel where she had been baptized.
Maria's eyes automatically searched out the place where she knew they would be: resting silently under the haphazard meadow alpine poppies, daisies, and willowherb that bobbed effortlessly in the wind. There was no stone to mark their place, just a vague recollection of how many steps she needed to take from the front door of the chapel. Taking a deep breath, Maria straightened her back and tried to well up some confidence...and more importantly...bravery to make her way to her parents' final resting place.
ooOoo
That morning over breakfast, Georg and John had reviewed the documents Georg had delivered the day before. John had insisted on a second examination to ensure that he understood everything so the plans would go forward as required. Since John still had strong British roots, he was working with the Royal Navy to ensure their submarine forces were in good standing in case war spilled over from Germany. Georg knew he would rush to defend Austria if there was a battle to be had, but more and more lately, it seemed Schuschnigg could not make up his mind on how to proceed. Georg hated the uncertainty - should there really be any discussion regarding a country's autonomy, especially one that was once part of a great Empire such as Austria? With a huge sigh of disbelief, Georg decided to park his emotions and try to enjoy the rest of the weekend. There would be time for planning later on.
Rather than waiting for Randall to return with the car, Georg decided to drive himself and John across town to visit his friend Erich Brauneis [1] who was a young sailor during Georg's navy days. The three men had lingered over noon hour brandies and imported cigars from the West Indies and relived old times in the Navy.
While sitting under the dense shade of a grand maple tree vaguely listening to John and Erich's conversation about torpedo manufacturing, Georg couldn't help but feel guilty he had dragged Maria all this way only to ditch her and the children this morning when they went off to mass. Although Georg was thankful to God for reuniting him with his children again and for sending Fraulein Maria, of course, he still could not bring himself to go to church. Georg swirled the amber liquid around in his glass before tossing back the last half inch, soon turning his attention to the rising plume of smoke from the cigar dangling between his two fingers. Perhaps it was sacrilege to imbibe on a sunny Sunday, but there were fewer haunting memories in Erich's garden than mass on a Sunday in Innsbruck - especially since it was held in the very church where he was married.
After their visit with Erich, Georg dropped John off at the villa before heading back into town once more. When they returned home, Randall had informed them both that the Countess and the children had stayed in town to visit friends and were to be picked up at 3pm after tea. Georg didn't question Randall's omission about Fraulein Maria, assuming they had all gone out together. The ladies' plans suited Georg just fine, as it helped to alleviate some of the guilt he had been feeling earlier, and also provided him with an opportunity to see some things in Innsbruck that he needed to visit alone.
After parking his car on a side street, Georg dodged the crowds of children on bicycles as they took over the downtown on a Sunday afternoon. None of the shops were open Sunday, and consequently, it was eerily quiet apart from the bikes and families milling about open greenspaces and strolling leisurely down the sidewalks. As he rounded the corner, he spotted the Triumphpforte. Like Athena in Vienna, it was a symbol of his connection with the old Empire. From Georg's vantage point, he admired the arch and the view of the Patscherkofel as it framed the breccia columns in the middle of the street. A monument to joy and to sadness: both emotions Georg knew far too intimately. It was a very Austrian sight to behold, and it made Georg's heart full. His right hand involuntarily reached up to stroke his neck, subconsciously feeling the weight of the medal that bore the Empress' name.
The arch was situated between the Sill to his east and the Inn to his west. Yes, the damn Inn. The main reason he had to come into town. Since that day in Vienna, he felt as though he was being pulled towards its mountain borne waters, clean and bright. Why, he wasn't entirely sure, although he had decided it had something to do with her. Georg had won many battles in the Great War just by following his intuition, so it seemed silly to ignore the gnawing urge to visit. Maybe he would learn something while he was there. Athena had pointed him in this direction, and up until recently, she was never wrong. Well, Georg wasn't sure if she was wrong yet, but she certainly was sending conflicting messages.
Georg headed to the outskirts of town, to the sprawling alpine campus of the University. He knew of a knoll that overlooked the waters of the Inn, so close you could reach out and touch them.
Sitting on the grass, his arms loosely wrapped around his knees, Georg was surrounded by the beauty of the mountains. The Nordkette and Patscherkofel with their highest peaks still dusted with snow. He followed the snaking path of the Inn as it meandered along the valley bottom with his eyes; the riverbank was dusted with bursts of red and orange poppies dancing along in the breeze, and swaths of daisies carpeting the remainder. It was a beautiful sight. Things like this - wildflowers, mountains, rivers - all reminded him of her. Perhaps because at the foot of the statue of Athena back in Vienna, the Inn was represented by a confident, young female, one that originated in the mountains. That was definitely Maria. Apparently, Athena knew something, but what he wasn't sure...yet.
As he sat on the bank thinking about the relationship between Maria and the Inn and Innsbruck, he realized that he should have been thinking about Elsa - and mentally kicked himself because he wasn't! But at the same time, he was certain she wasn't thinking of him at that moment. She would probably be lounging about on a Sunday afternoon before heading out to any number of soirees with her friends in Vienna. Only then would they ask Elsa where he was, and Georg could imagine her pouting as she informed them of the audacity of his choices: that Georg had chosen travelling with all of his children and their governess to visit his terrible in-laws in Innsbruck.
His in-laws, of course, were hardly terrible people; why Elsa didn't get along with Bertie, he wasn't sure. He just knew they were like oil and water. Georg had liked the Whiteheads from the very beginning, even though they didn't make things easy for him in his early days as a suitor to Miss Agathe Whitehead.
This weekend, Bertie and John had gone rather easy on him, and he wondered if Maria's presence also had something to do with their attitude? Or perhaps it was the fact that the children had spoken to Bertie while he was still in Vienna and again shortly after his return, extolling the virtues of Fraulein Maria and gushing about how much their papa had changed.
He had been an ass the past four years, and they had every right to be angry with him; but they weren't. And for that, he was extremely thankful.
This visit had gone very well so far: gathering around the dinner table, riding, taking the cable car up the mountain. Staying in Agathe's childhood home had not crushed him the way it would have even two short weeks ago. Last night after everyone had gone to bed, he even got up the courage to visit Agathe's bedroom, the one they used to stay in when she was still alive. Bertie kept it pristine, not a speck of dust. On the dresser there were photos of their wedding day, pictures of the children, and of Agathe and John on a horse. He had a good cry, but it was just that: a good cry. He never imagined his heart could feel lighter like this; it still hurt, but it didn't hurt the same. Georg had always assumed he would carry the weight of his grief and anger for the rest of his days.
Then there was Maria. She had not been herself during this trip, perhaps her focus on him and her anxieties about his emotional well-being were weighing her down? Perhaps she was worried about Bertie and John, but it seemed she had taken to them rather quickly, and they to her. She appeared relaxed while they were riding yesterday; well, up until that one moment before they rode back to the stables when she seemed to withdraw into herself. He wished he had taken the time to learn more about her...what really made her tick... before coming here.
But it just wasn't something that was done - an employer asking personal questions of an employee? And yet, wasn't there more to them than that? Would he be out of line to suggest that they had become good friends?
He knew that Maria had learned to read him like a book, and selfishly, he relished in the attention of a female who seemed to care deeply about how he was feeling. It was so unlike his relationship with Elsa - she never wanted to deal with messy emotions, always distracting him when talk of Agathe would surface, and never seeking to know how he was feeling at any particular moment. Stupidly, he let Maria prop him up and he barely pressed her when she would steer conversation away from uneasy topics.
"How do you solve a problem like Maria?" Georg sighed to himself.
ooOoo
Georg had been to sea for dozens of years and could read the weather like a book. He was so intimately connected to the sky that nothing ever surprised him. But that afternoon as he had sat in the sun along the river pondering the problem that was Maria, the clouds quickly rolled over the Nordkette and they soon covered the valley. The rains came faster and more furious than he had ever seen before on land! What started out as a few vagabond drops of rain, quickly turned into a full-on deluge.
Unter donner und blitzen! [2] Georg laughed to himself as he ran.
Georg sprinted across the field towards his car, but was practically soaked to the skin by the time he had wrestled the door open and threw himself inside. He watched the rain bead down on his windshield and he was struck with a memory of the day Maria and Marta had accompanied him to the cemetery not long ago.
As he waited for the rain to let up a little before returning to the Whiteheads, he replayed the many encounters he had with Maria since she arrived. Her first day. Their first spat (of many!) the night she arrived. The argument on the landing. He shook his head in awe at the transformation she had wrought in him. Then, of course, there were the changes he had seen in her. Maria was a whirling bundle of contrasts! Her clothes had changed from a horrid grey sack dress to very Austrian dirndls and dresses; and yesterday, he realized that the clothes do, indeed, make the woman! He admired Maria's competitive streak, but remarked at how much she cared for everyone, no matter what level they were at. She had arrived at the villa confident and outgoing, but had become slightly more withdrawn the past few days.
And today, he was still hung up that particular word when he asked her if she would miss "all of this"...
Perhaps...
"Perhaps, what Fraulein?
ooOoo
Georg arrived back at the villa late in the afternoon. The rain, thunder and lightning had refused to let up, so he had to make his way slowly through town. Thankfully it was a Sunday so there was little traffic to contend with, particularly when it was raining cats and dogs. He pulled the car into the circle in front of the Whiteheads and turned off the engine. He was damp and cold from being caught in the rain and he looked forward to heading into the villa for a hot bath before dinner. As he approached the doorway, Randall opened it for him and welcomed him back. He was immediately greeted by Bertie who was making her way down the stairs looking so much like her daughter. His heart stopped beating for a moment, but the spell was soon broken by a chorus of voices. Once the children had realized that he was back, they all came charging down the hallway to greet him.
"Father, you were out in the rain!" Gretl exclaimed.
"Indeed, I was, poppet! I was sitting outside at the University when the skies opened up." Georg replied.
"Father, did you bring Fraulein Maria back with you?" Louisa asked as she craned her neck, trying to get a view of the lane way.
"Fraulein Maria? Isn't she here? She went to mass with you all this morning?" Georg replied curiously.
"Oh no, Father," Kurt continued. "Well, yes, Father. She did, but we all went with Gromi to Frau Wilten's townhouse for tea. Fraulein Maria asked Gromi if she could wander around town and see some of the sights since she had not been to Innsbruck for so long!"
Georg's eyes soon sought out Bertie's to confirm the tale. She nodded tightly and Georg saw something in her countenance that made him feel anxious. The children were all talking around him, but he heard nothing. He simply studied her face and knew there had to be more to this turn of events. He could feel it.
"Children, children...please, let's simmer down for a moment," Georg called, waving his arms about as if they could alone tamp down the noise.
"Bertie, has Fraulein Maria not returned at all since you left her after mass?" Georg inquired.
Bertie wrung her fingers together in a mannerism he was used to seeing in Fraulein Maria whenever she was worried. Bertie rarely worried. She was the most confident woman he had ever met. Well, until Maria stormed into his life.
"No, Georg, she hasn't, and with all the rain that has fallen this afternoon, and the thunderstorm on top of that, I am a bit concerned. I would have expected her long before now given the weather. She didn't have an umbrella this morning, either. I went so far as to send Randall out about an hour ago to see if he could spot her downtown, but he could not find her." she exclaimed.
Georg looked at his watch and sighed. Fraulein Maria was notoriously running late, but this was late even by her standards.
Brigitta, the ever-observant daughter studied her father's face, and she could see that both he and Gromi looked worried.
"But Father," Liesl called, "where could she be? it's not like her to be this late?"
"I'm not sure, Liesl, I'm not sure,' Georg said with a sigh. "Did she say anything to you children that might give us a hint as to where she might have been headed?"
The children all milled about, talking amongst themselves, wracking their brains.
"Before we left for Innsbruck, Fraulein Maria had told me about a millpond that she remembered from her childhood, Father, but I don't know where that would be, it could be anywhere in Tirol!". Friedrich exclaimed.
"Father, the day we all went to town for my birthday, Fraulein Maria told me that her parents were buried in a cemetery near Innsbruck". Marta declared.
Collectively, the children and their father looked down at Martha's worried face.
"What?!" they all exclaimed.
"It's true, she said so when we were in the car before we both got out to visit Mama." Marta replied timidly.
"Goddammit," Georg grimaced as he pounded his hand into his fist, angry with himself for not making the connection between Maria's mountain upbringing and her hesitation to visit Innsbruck. She obviously had been born here and lived the first years of her life nearby!
"The Inn...is this what it all means?" Georg sighed as breathed heavily into his knuckles.
"What Georg? What is it? You are not making any sense." Bertie cried out.
"How could I have been so stupid? When I asked her to come to Innsbruck, she gave me every reason under the sun not to join us, but I kept pushing her until she agreed. How could I have been so insensitive; how could I have not figured this out?"
"Georg, dear..." Bertie called. "What do you mean? What does this have to do with Maria and where she has gone off to?"
The children were all looking up worriedly at their father, and he knew he had to pull himself together so they would not become more concerned.
His eyes met Bertie's and she shrugged before turning and hurrying down the hall in search of John and Randall.
"Father, did I say something wrong?" Marta inquired.
Squatting down to Marta's eye level, he grabbed gently onto her shoulders.
"No, Schatzi, you actually said all of the right things. I think you have pointed us in the direction of where Fraulein Maria may be." Georg replied.
At that moment John came down the hall from the study, having been briefed by Bertie.
"There's got to be dozens of cemeteries in and around Innsbruck...but where? And why would she be gone for so long?" John called out.
"I can't imagine she could have gone too far, Georg," Bertie interjected. "We left each other right after mass and she told the children she would be home well before dinner. It's obvious that she had a clear idea how far and how long a return trip would be? Maybe she's injured somewhere?"
"Georg, do you think we need to worry? it's not quite dinner hour; she could return soon?" John asked.
"John, this is going to sound ridiculous, but I have a hunch that something isn't right. Fraulein Maria is a whirlwind, but she's never, ever irresponsible. Just knowing now that her family is nearby. Dammit, how could I have been so stupid?...I should have asked her more specific questions about where she was from. The mountains outside of Innsbruck does not do much to narrow down her whereabouts!".
"Aldrans!" Brigitta exclaimed.
"Aldrans?" Bertie and John replied in unison.
"Yes, Father. Aldrans. That is nearby, right? One night Fraulein Maria was telling me a story about the Gebirgsjäger- that her Grandfather had been one in the Great War. She said they lived in Aldrans!"
Georg bent down and hugged his daughter tightly, gripped by a memory of Maria at Sankt Johann on Friday that confirmed Brigitta's suspicions.
Pastcherkofel...
"Thank you, love," Georg said with a smile. "I believe you have also helped us to solve this mystery".
Georg picked up his hat off the hat stand in the hall and turned to go back out to the car, thoughts of a hot bath long forgotten.
"Georg, do you want me to send Randall out as well? Aldrans is very small, but if you wanted help? It's a good two-hour walk from here, he might find her on the way back?" John inquired.
"Do you have a map, John, let me have a look first!" Georg replied.
John returned to his study, returning with a topographic map of the area before rolling it out on the dining room table.
Georg leaned over the map, his laser-sharp precision with way-finding honed during years at sea were certainly handy in times like these.
Pointing at Aldrans, he pulled out a pencil from his breast pocket and began to circle the cemeteries marked on the map.
"John, let me go here and check these ones. If Brigitta is right, she could be nearby." Georg stated emphatically, rolling up the map and grasping it tightly under his arm.
"It's just after 4pm and there is still a lot of daylight," Georg continued, "and like Bertie said, she could return soon or may call for a ride if she manages to find a phone so Randall should stay put for a while, just in case. If I can't find her, I will circle back to the villa and get you to come out as well and we will try some other locations closer to the Lanser See."
ooOoo
Maria felt so foolish. How could a mountain girl have misread the weather so terribly? The rains came in so fast, Maria barely had time to huddle under the shelter in the meadow where locals tied their horses during mass. The boards were so old and worn, the knots were letting the rain fall through in big splooches onto her head. Thunder and lightning crashed above her.
She knew she was in big trouble!
How many times had she been aimlessly wandering the Untersberg while away from the Abbey and completely lost track of the time? So many! but never, ever, had she misread her day so terribly. Her carelessness intersected with the added complication of a driving rainstorm that was turning small creeks into raging rivers streaming down the mountain side.
After the first wave of the storm seemed to ease, she had tried to face the weather and make her way down the mountain back into town, but the footbridge over the Sill that she had used earlier was completely under water, the river's banks overflowing from the torrential rainfall.
Maria knew of another path that led to the main bridge over the Sill - but it was completely out of the way and would add at least an hour to her walk. She turned in that direction, but when the skies opened up once more, she was forced to retreat to her current hiding place in the church yard while planning her next move.
The worst part was that the Von Trapps had no idea where she was.
How could she have been so stupid?
Sitting on the feed stall in the shelter, Maria was deep in thought. First at her stupidity, and second, pensive about her visit to her parents' final resting place. She was not exactly sure where they rested, but she had a pretty good idea. The last time she had visited she was just getting ready to travel to Vienna to start teacher's college and the grounds man pointed her in the right direction. Before the rains came, she had gathered up a bundle of wildflowers and bound them with long grass and placed them over the spot where she believed them to be. Thinking about the Baroness' final resting place back in Salzburg, Maria realized that even in death there was such a huge gulf between the rich and poor. No one had any trouble finding Baroness Von Trapp; Maria's parents on the other hand...
As Maria raised her head, she noted the rain had let up slightly, so she decided to make a go of it. The rains could continue all night, and there is no way she could risk being stuck here. It can get so cold at night in the mountains, and she was soaked through, her fingers wrinkling as if she had sat in the bath for too long.
She wandered over to the bundle of flowers and said a final goodbye to her parents. A few tears snuck out, but she wiped them away with the palm of her hand. In those moments alone, her resolve strengthened to find a family, and the Sisters at Nonnberg were God's answer. She prayed to God to give her the strength to make it through the summer and return to the Abbey, and once she got there, to follow God's will and focus on her required tasks. Surely then the Reverend Mother would permit her to take her vows.
ooOoo
Georg pulled his car up to the main cemetery by the church in Aldrans. The rain was relentless, and he was cursing Maria for being so foolish - no umbrella, not in any way prepared for this rain! She must be a drowned rat! He grabbed John's umbrella from the front seat and headed out in the churchyard of St. Martin's looking for Maria's family - or even Maria! After a short while he was approached by the caretaker who asked if he needed help. Georg explained who he was looking for, scratching his head as he tried to will up Maria's surname from his memory.
Rainier?, no, that was her mother's maiden name...Ah, um...Kutschera! of course!
The man told him that he was in the wrong place...the Kutscheras had lived further up the mountain. Since they were "dirt poor", their final resting place was in the pauper's yard beside the mountain chapel on Prockenhofweg, just down the road from the pond. Of course, all of these names and locations were meaningless to him, so the man had given Georg directions. Although Georg was confused, the man confirmed for him that there were not many roads in these parts, and once he got to the millpond, he just needed to take the left instead of the right.
As he drove along the muddy road in the driving rain, Georg could not help but think of what the groundskeeper had just said: dirt poor. Was that really necessary to label Maria and her family like that? Are we all that separate socially in death as we are in life? Heaven didn't discriminate on the basis of wealth, surely? But, it was another nugget for Georg that helped him to weave together a tapestry of Maria. She came from nothing, lost what little she had, and yet she still gave everything of herself.
There used to be an old saying his mother would use to encourage Hede, Werner and himself to be industrious and to work hard - laziness was never permitted in the Von Trapp household: "creatio ex nihilo" - nothing comes from nothing. And yet, the more Georg thought about it, the more he realized that Maria had managed to make a great deal out of nothing.
As he approached the mill pond, Georg snapped out of his musings and squinted through the rain - What a miserable day! As instructed, he took the road that forked to the left.
Soon enough, Georg pulled up to the little chapel with the pauper's yard and dashed out of the car dodging the raindrops. He scanned the grounds looking for any sign of Maria. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted a bouquet of wildflowers bundled together on the grass. He moved quickly towards them, squatting down to lovingly pick up the flowers and thumbing through each of the blooms. Definitely the work of Maria: colourful, somewhat haphazard, and full of contrasts and simple beauty.
The rain was falling harder now, and a chill was starting to set into Georg's bones. His heart felt a little lighter knowing she had been here, but where the hell was she now? All there was on the grounds was a shelter for the horses and the tiny stone chapel; the shelter was empty, and the chapel had been locked up tight after this morning's service.
Where was she?
Georg assumed she must have started to make her way back to Bertie and John's house, but how? And how did he miss her on his way up? He knew little of this side of the valley...
The map!
Georg dashed back to the car and sitting down in the driver's seat, he unrolled the map with his damp hands, looking for the most direct route into town.
Georg eventually followed the narrow dirt road past the pond and back down the mountain-side to a break in the forest where he spotted a walking path off the main road. It wasn't on the map of course, but he imagined it would cut a much straighter line towards the footbridge and the valley bottom than what a car could follow. He parked the car and grabbed his umbrella once more, soon wandering off the road in the relentless rain carefully looking for the footbridge and trying to spot footprints in the fresh mud.
As he walked beneath the canopy of the pine forest, he heard the rushing sound of the Sill. He may not have been a mountain boy, but he knew on a day like this, the water would rise fast and furiously. There, around the corner, he spotted the footbridge - quite under water and completely unsafe to pass over. If Maria had been here, she certainly would have had to double-back and go back to town another way...
unless...
no!...
A terrible thought entered his mind, but he quickly pushed it away. Fraulein Maria was a will-o'-the-wisp, but she was not stupid nor was she irresponsible! The only other direct route into town would be the road he drove up to get here, the one that ran adjacent to the Lanser See, slightly west of where he was walking. He pulled up his collar against the wind as he walked steadily back to the car, hoping and praying he would find her soon.
ooOoo
By this point, Maria was cold, wet, and miserable. She was glad she had been able to come here, but she was not happy about how it had all turned out. The rain was pelting down, its big, wet drops streaming over her head and down her face, continuously soaking her clothes. But her state of dress was the least of her problems: the Captain would surely fire her now given how irresponsible she was!
It was not supposed to work out this way, Maria huffed towards the Heavens, secretly scoffing at the Lord for putting her in this predicament. He had set everything up so nicely earlier for her today: why did He have to throw the wrath of nature in her direction?
Maria was sad, angry, and frustrated all at the same time. She had to do her best to keep her emotions in check. She had made it down the road near the Lanser See, the children and their families long gone. Her family was also long gone, and this left an empty feeling in her that was brushed with sadness and a touch of anger at this point. Oh, how she wished her life had been different! What would she be doing today if she had a normal upbringing? Would she be married to a dashing mountain boy? Would they have a farm on these slopes? Children? What if she had not turned down further dates with Eduard from Vienna? Could they be married and living the life in the big city?
But here she was instead, a failed novice, soaking wet in the rain on her mountain. She had sought the love of a family at the Abbey and was stymied at every turn. They needed her to be less noisy, more contemplative, they told her to stop singing, and to stay indoors. Although it was God's will, it didn't seem like it could possibly the right place for her. A young woman with migraines needed fresh air and sunshine! But it was a small price to pay for a family.
Then the Lord had sent to the Von Trapps - a family she had grown to love like her own: but God had plans for them, and at the end of summer she would be back where she started. The Captain would marry Baroness Schraeder, and he and the children would all be very happy.
Maria pulled her watch out of her pocket and checked the time: 5:45! Oh God, could this day get any worse? By now the Whiteheads and the children must be worried sick about her. She took the watch and stuffed it into her bra, hoping to give it a bit more protection from the elements. She stopped, took a deep breath and forced the tears back inside before squaring her shoulders and walking faster towards town.
ooOoo
Georg moved slowly down the mountain, the rain was pelting down, and the wipers were beating out a tempo to "My Favourite Things", or perhaps that's just the song he focused on in a feeble attempt to keep his hopes up. Ironically, that song was first introduced to his household on a very rainy night at the villa almost a month ago.
Although he felt like he was crawling down the slope, all things considered, a trip from Aldrans into the valley was quite efficient; most of the little villages that dotted the mountain slopes on this side of the river were situated on the ancient salt road that connected Hall in Tirol to Mühlbachl [3].
Looking at his wristwatch, it was practically 6pm. He was incensed with Maria's behaviour - how could she be so stupid?
But then he remembered that really, he was at fault - he had pushed her to come here, he was the one who didn't do his homework. He had never miscalculated an enemy before - what was it about her that made him forget who he was? As he worked through his emotions, he realized he was more worried than angry.
He hoped that she would forgive him for being so selfish!
He rounded the bend and there was a stretch of straight road for a time. There! Further down on the side of the road! He would recognize that gait anywhere!
But there was no spring in her step today - her shoulders were hunched over as she tried to shield herself as best she could from the driving rains. She looked like a drowned rat, but all he really could sense was a profound feeling of relief that he had finally found her. Once he saw the raging Sill at the footbridge, his mind went to dark places that he had desperately tried to push away. He had a fear she had pushed her luck trying to save time and fallen in...thank goodness she still had some sense in the face of adversity!
With the furiosity with which it was raining, Georg knew she would not hear his car. He pulled up as close as he could to her and opened the door.
"Fraulein Maria!!" he yelled, slamming the car door shut.
Maria pulled up, her ears straining. Surely, she didn't hear someone just call her name?
"Fraulein!" Georg yelled again.
She turned to look behind her and there was the Captain jogging towards her waving his umbrella about.
"Oh God," she thought to herself. "Could this day get any worse?"
Well, apparently it could, because at the mere sight of the Captain, the tears she had been struggling to keep in check all afternoon finally let loose and she began to sob uncontrollably.
The Captain said nothing, but he approached her gingerly and soon wrapped his arms around her shoulders, guiding her back to the car. He could feel the tension in her shoulders dissipate, and her body was wracked with sobs.
As much as he'd like to know what the Hell she was thinking, and how much he'd like to shake some sense into her...Georg knew he had to get her out of the rain. As soon as he had reached out to touch her shoulders, he could feel how deathly cold she was. He had seen enough men tossed about in the ocean to know when they were in danger of hypothermia, and Maria was frighteningly close. He had to get her home to the villa and into a hot bath.
Georg moved them alongside his car and opened the passenger door, helping Maria to sit down before grabbing a wool blanket from the back seat. Ideally, he should have got her out of these wet clothes completely, but their current situation didn't make this a possible option. Instead, he gently leaned her forward and wrapped it around her shoulders before grabbing his damp hanky from his pocket and wiping the water off her face with one hand and pushing her hair back from her eyes with the other. Once he was satisfied that she was at least comfortable, he jogged around the car and got into the driver's seat.
He looked across to see Maria still sobbing, her head leaning against the windowpane. He turned up the heat as high as it could go and slid over the seat to be as close as possible to Maria, resting his hip on the hump between the two front seats. He gently grabbed Maria's right shoulder and pulled her towards him. She resisted at first, but soon gave up and she rested her head on the inside of his shoulder. He reached up with his right hand to pull her dripping wet hair back, running his fingers along the side of her face and whispering encouraging words into her hair.
Georg let her cry a good long while before he decided to speak once more.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Georg whispered. Maria's body suddenly stiffened at his words.
"Shhh..shhh...I'm not angry Fraulein," Georg replied. "I just wish I had been there for you - the way you had been there for me?" Maria looked up at him, eyes red and puffy and shining with tears.
"Why didn't you say something?" Georg continued. "I would have brought you here, you know; you could have avoided all this!" Georg said with a small laugh, reaching out to wipe the rain drops running off her left eyebrow.
Maria dropped her head to her chest, the tears flowing freely again.
Georg turned his body, trying to get her to look him in the eye, slipping his index finger under her chin and lifting it so she had to see his face. "I get it Fraulein! You helped me to get it. I understand how raw it is; time alone isn't going to be our saviour. I apologize for being such an oaf and not asking the right questions. I had assumed so many things. I was an ass yet again, and I am sorry."
Maria looked up at him once more, blinking to clear her vision. He handed her his wet hanky, and she took it to wipe her nose.
"You're not angry with me, Captain?" Maria inquired. "I know that I would unequivocally be angry with me - if I were you, I would drive me up to the front door of the nearest church and tell them to deal with me! I was a fool and completely irresponsible. I am sorry you had to come out here in the rain..."
Georg brought his finger to her lips, shushing her instantly. Saying nothing, he fixed her with a stare that told Maria it was futile to discuss.
"Loss is something that changes you, Fraulein." Georg breathed.
"I know that you appreciate this more than anyone I've ever met." Maria said with a slight smile. "We are kindred spirits in a way, though I find your loss is more profound since it affects your children as well. It was God's will that I help your family, there was no place for my grief. Besides, it's not the same. I barely knew my parents, this whole thing is silly..."
"Fraulein, can you just stop talking for a minute!" Georg mumbled exasperatedly, rolling his eyes.
Maria nodded hesitantly.
"Fraulein. It's ok to have feelings without a rational explanation. It's ok to need other people. You alone have showed me that. I was a naval captain, heralded by the Emperor. And yet before that, Max saved my life; I needed him. You also saved my life; I needed you. None of it makes sense, but here we are! You aren't alone anymore, Fraulein. The children adore you, you and I have become friends - even though our start was rocky. I promised you yesterday that we would make the most of your time with us before you return to the Abbey, and it's a promise that I intend to keep. Even if you want to use that time to grieve, to see things you want to see, to visit people you want to visit. You just have to let people in, Fraulein".
"Oh, Captain, but I have let you all in. You've practically become my family and it will be so hard to leave you all in the fall. I love the children as if they were my own, but I must also keep them at a distance lest my heart break in September!"
Georg's heart welled up with pride and love at the way she spoke of his children. He really didn't know what to say.
"You never were allowed to grieve them properly, were you?" Georg asked.
"It's not the same as your loss Captain, and I would never suggest it was. I have grieved back-to-front, really. Until I met your family, I didn't know what I had lost. The thought of coming here to Innsbruck just haunted me, because I knew it would hit me differently this time. This last time. I tried to get out coming, Captain, you must remember that. But once I agreed, I decided it would be alright, that it wasn't as big a deal as I was making it in my mind. As for today, I thought I would be able to come here on my own and return to your in-laws' villa and you would be none the wiser."
"Well, Fraulein. We all know how that worked out, don't we?" Georg replied with a chuckle.
"Ah-ah-ah! No apologies," he continued. "Mind you, it is imperative that we continue this discussion later. I need to get you back to the villa and into a hot bath before you become hypothermic - if you're not there already. Ideally, you should strip down and get out of these clothes, but then we'd have some explaining to do when we got back to the villa," Georg said with a wink.
Maria summoned up a smile and a chuckle as she felt her cheeks burning red. Georg slid back into his seat, checked his shoulder and began creeping down the mountain road in the direction of the villa. They sat in companionable silence, the quiet only broken by the occasional sniffle from Maria. Soon they were back in town, the rain still pouring down, representative of the way Maria was feeling inside. Honestly, what a terrible day!
"How ever did you find me?" Maria asked quietly.
"Brigitta. She told me that you mentioned Aldrans once when telling her about your grandfather." He said with a side-eyed smile.
"Well, it was Brigitta and my intuition and my exceptional map-reading abilities!" Georg replied with a smile.
ooOoo
As Maria got into bed, she was reflecting on the fact that the Captain had really let her off easy tonight. She kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to realize that he was angry at her, but it never happened. When they both arrived back at the villa, the rain was still falling. The Whiteheads and the children ran out the side door when they realized their beloved Fraulein was home safe. Bertie hugged John, and the children danced around. The Captain shut down all their questions rather quickly, telling them that Fraulein Maria was in danger of becoming hypothermic. He summoned Liesl and Bertie to help her into a hot bath.
With military precision, the children scattered and Bertie grabbed Maria's coat, passing it to Randall to hang up to dry. Liesl grabbed Maria's deathly cold hand and led her upstairs. Maria remembered hearing the Captain offering an explanation to the children, but she could not hear exactly what he said.
While she was soaking in the tub, she heard the Captain in the hall. He knocked on the door to her room, and then entered - calling out to her through the closed bathroom door that she should take her time and warm up completely - and not to worry about dinner - that it would be ready when she came downstairs later. He mumbled something about needing a bath himself, and then the sound of his footsteps got progressively quieter as he made his way down the hall.
Despite his assurance in the car that their discussion was far from over, the Captain never once mentioned anything about her mishap that evening. After taking her supper, she helped the children to bed, and they all expressed their relief that she was back safe with them. The Captain had evidently provided an explanation to them, which made things less awkward for Maria - they only asked after her parents and if she was glad she had been able to visit them. Having been through this with the late Baroness last week - first with Marta and the Captain, and then with the remaining children a few days later - they understood it all quite well.
The Captain came by to say goodnight to all the children before disappearing, presumably to Sir John's study, and Maria didn't see him again that evening. In some strange way, she was glad he didn't come to talk to her about what happened earlier in the day, but part of her wished that he would have.
Why...?
So here she was, safe and warm and in a dry nightgown, perched on the side of her bed after saying her prayers. She thanked God for her day, but she questioned Him about the rainstorm.
Why...? Why did He send the rains when it seemed this day was planned perfectly for from the moment she woke up that morning?
She got up to look out the window across the valley. You could not see Aldrans tonight, it was much too foggy, a misty rain still falling outside the villa. Nonetheless, she reflected on her day at her "original" mountain home; the place where her life had last known peace before descending into a wicked childhood in Salzburg. Although she had been a fool, she felt lighter somehow, more at peace with who she was and her very fuzzy memories of life in this place.
However, her heart ached with something she had never known before whenever she thought about the Captain. Yesterday, it was about how he had looked, but today it was about how he felt. And it wasn't just about his physical touch. Somehow, he had managed to find her, he rescued her from the rain, he had comforted her, and he had told her it was all ok without saying a word.
She had told the Captain earlier how important it was to stay at arm's length emotionally from the children, for it would be so hard to leave them. After today, however, she knew it would be even harder to her to leave him now. Their hearts had been tethered together through their shared grief and a burgeoning friendship; they seemed to understand each other without a need to talk about it. Today, another thread joined them closer, leaving her dangerously close to falling. She knew in that moment, no matter where her chosen path took her in life, her time with the children, and more importantly, with the Captain - would be her home. Her only home [4].
NOTES*
[1] Erich Brauneis was born in Austria but eventually went to the German side in World War II after the annexation, eventually achieving the rank of Fregattenkapitän. He died in Germany in 1954.
[2] literally "under thunder and lightning" in German, and also the name of a kick-ass piece by Johann Strauss Jr. (how very Austrian!)
[3] in the Middle Ages, salt was considered "white gold". A network of roads were built through the mountains of Tirol to aid in distribution. One of these, the 'Lower Road', stretched from Hall (east of Innsbruck) via Zirl to Telfs (west of Innsbruck) was later joined by the 'Salzstraße', a 'competing route' on the other side of the Inn between Inzing and Pfaffenhofen (credit to the Innsbruck Info site)
[4] inspired by Jane Eyre - when Jane encounters Edward after returning from Gateshead, she comments on how she is glad to be back with him and that wherever he was was her true home. I have always loved this quote...
