Disclaimer: I do not own BtVS or St. Trinian's.

The war for Xander

"Talking"

"Thinking"

"Where's Xander?"

The question stopped the meeting as it was winding down. Both Slayers and Watchers looked across the table. Xander was nowhere in sight. He usually was at these meetings. But his seat was occupied by another Watcher. No one had realized he was missing until Dawn asked.

Kennedy rolled her eyes. "Guys, Xander hasn't been here for the past few months." As much as she respected Buffy and her friends, there were moments that made it very hard. "How have you not noticed?" Rona and Vi wondered the same thing.

"Well, we've been busy," Willow said. She was leading the Council's mages and coordinating with other magical sects. It was constant work, especially with all the egos she had to deal with. And she wasn't the only one who had the problem. Buffy and Faith complained a lot about new Slayers who thought they were hot stuff and would mouth off to anyone.

While Kennedy knew what her girlfriend was going through, it wasn't that time-consuming. She knew that Willow got together with the Prime Slayers so they could bitch about their problems. Even Dawn joined in whenever she came back from university. "Again, he's been gone for months."

While it was embarrassing that he hadn't noticed Xander missing, Giles focused on what was important. "Do you know where Xander has gone?" he asked Kennedy.

"He hasn't gone back to Africa, has he?" Buffy asked.

That made Dawn frown. "He'd better not!" Her sentiment was shared by the rest of the Scoobies. The last time Xander had gone to Africa on a recruiting mission, it had nearly been a year before they saw him next.

Vi quickly reassured them. "He's not in Africa! He's still here in England." As the Scoobies calmed down, she shared a look with Rona. They weren't going to forget Xander trying to head back for Africa any time soon. It was the first time she had ever seen dogpiling used as a containment move.

"Then where the hell is the boytoy?" Faith asked. She had thought he had been somewhere in the castle, helping train the baby Slayers. They certainly like having his attention. Faith might've been jealous if she hadn't found it funny as hell.

Vi looked to Kennedy, urging her on. Kennedy sighed. Of course, she would have to be the one to explain. "Look, we noticed that Xander was getting tired," she began, gesturing at Vi and herself. "Sure, he kept up appearances for the recruits and such, but we could tell. He looked like he needed a vacation, but he was adamant that he could keep going."

"Then we saw a help wanted ad in the papers," Vi continued. "A school needed a repairman. We figured it was just what he needed, a break from all the vampire slaying and demon hunting." And she knew that Xander still did the odd repair job around the castle, especially when it was Slayer-related.

While Giles understood what they tried to do, he also knew that Xander wouldn't just leave. Kennedy and Vi wouldn't have been able to make him leave. Which only left one option. "Just how did you convince Xander to go to this school?"

"We told him there was a possible vampire sighting and he would have to go undercover as the repairman to scout the place." It was the best way to convince him. The only downside was what would happen once Xander figured out there was no vampire.

The Scoobies were still annoyed by the news, which made the rest of the Watchers and Slayers nervous. Rona rolled her eyes at the sight, hiding her own nervousness. "If you guys had noticed it earlier, he wouldn't have gone," she told him. "Not their fault if Xander up and disappeared on you. Hell, the only one who's got an excuse is Dawn."

"Hey!" Dawn stopped when she realized what she had said. She sat back down, doing her best not to look embarrassed. "Never mind. Continue."

Faith looked at the junior Slayers. "Alright, if Xand thought he was doing a simple recon, why the hell hasn't he come back yet?" She knew he wouldn't hang around for months if there weren't any vampires.

Kennedy shared another look with Vi, an uncertain one. "Actually, we don't know," Vi answered. "We haven't heard anything from him."

That wasn't good. "What's the school?" Buffy asked. If they knew that, it would be something to start with.

"I think it's a place called St. Trinian's."

It wasn't often the Watchers on the Council came to a screeching halt.

"Say that again," Giles told Vi. He tried to keep a steady tone, but the Slayers heard the quiver.

"St. Trinian's."

"Oh God in Heaven," said one of the other Watchers. Another poured himself a drink and downed it in one gulp. A third had started praying.

Needless to say, the Slayers (along with the witch and Key) were confused about the whole scene. "Uh, Giles?" Buffy asked. "What's going on? It's just a school."

He shook his head. "No, Buffy. It's not just a school. The Council has a standing rule about Potentials that originate from St. Trinian's: that she is not to know about the supernatural. As far as I am aware, only three such Potentials have existed and none of them have been Chosen." A fact he was always glad for.

His Slayer still didn't know what the problem was. Neither did Faith. "Sheesh, you're pissing your pants about one school?" she asked, lounging in her chair. "C'mon, G. It's a school. If that scares you, I know a few in Southie that'll make you terrified." It was strange to see the man she considered a somewhat mentor (and uncle-figure) be so scared.

"Faith, even your schools would be terrified of this place." The other Watchers nodded in agreement.

This was starting to get tedious for Willow. "Again, it's just a school." It took a great effort on her part not to roll her eyes at the whole situation.

"Just a school?" repeated one Watcher, looking at the Red Witch with an incredulous look.

Another Watcher patted him on the shoulder. "It's alright. She knows not what she speaks of." It was accompanied by a pitying look thrown Willow's way.

Okay, Willow found that offensive. She had done her best to prove that she belonged to this Council, and now they were looking at her like she said there were no such things as vampires. If this kept up, those two were going to have a very bad itching problem.

This time, Dawn was the one who rolled her eyes. There was a simple way of figuring this out and, of course, her sister and her friends hadn't seen it. "Giles, could you please explain just what St. Trinian's is?" she asked, getting right to the point. "Is it a special sort of school?"

"That would be putting it loosely, Dawn," he answered. "St. Trinian's is a school for the worst of girls. Daughters of gangsters, dirty politicians, two-timers, and bookies would fit right in. Anarchy rules that school, not order. And from what we've heard, the teachers encourage the madness."

Buffy wanted to shrug it off. But considering everything she and her friends had gone through, she'd be an idiot if she had. Still, it seemed just a little unbelievable. "Giles, are you sure you're not exaggerating, just a little?" she asked.

He looked her right in the eyes. "Buffy, it is a school filled with girls so dangerous and deadly, willing to cause chaos and damage on such a scale, vampires wouldn't come ten miles of the place. And we sent them Xander."

It was that last sentence that made the Slayer finally understand the problem. "Oh jeez."


The first attempt to bring Xander back was Giles calling the school. That fell through because the Head Watcher couldn't get a word in edgewise while the St. Trinian's headmistress, a Mrs. Fritton, gushed endlessly about Xander and his work and how she couldn't just let him go so soon. By the time the call ended, Giles was wondering just what exactly had happened.

The next attempt was to be done in a more personal manner. Someone would have to go to the school and get Xander while everyone else waited. And since Kennedy and Vi were responsible for sending him off in the first place, they had been volunteered to get him back.

Now that they knew Xander was gone, the Scoobies realized just how much he was missed in the castle. They didn't quite lurch from one disaster to the next. It was just a lot of little details. There was always something that needed fixing, someone who needed advice, or a Slayer who needed to be reined in. Buffy knew being a leader didn't mean it was smooth sailing (the last year in Sunnydale certainly taught her that) but it suddenly seemed a lot more challenging.

She wasn't the only one who was having problems either. Faith had more of a handle on troublesome Slayers. There was always one more Slayer who thought she didn't have to listen to orders or that her way was better. Faith had no idea how Xander was able to get them in line, but she had to use threats and spars. She was undefeated but that didn't stop the frowns when the baby Slayers walked off the mat.

Between all the problems they faced, they both came to the same conclusion. "Xander's next vacation is going to be Council-approved," Buffy declared as she sipped from her water bottle. She and Faith were taking a moment on the front hall staircase. It gave them an impressive view of the room, including the front door.

"Yeah, that way we can say no," Faith agreed. She lounged on her step much like lioness would on a rock, lazy but confident in her power. It projected an aura of confidence, while also hiding the bruise across her shoulder blades. Christy knew how to throw a high kick.

Dawn laughed from where she sat, in the middle and a step higher. "Good luck with that," she told Faith. "The only reason Xander went on this vacation was because he got tricked into it."

Buffy and Faith shared a conceding look. While they were impressed with how Kennedy and Vi tricked Xander into his vacation, they were also annoyed they didn't say anything sooner. "He could take the time to relax," Buffy admitted. "I don't think he's slowed down since Sunnydale."

"Yeah, but he hasn't thrown himself into the fight," Faith pointed out. "He stays here more than he goes out."

"That's because he's needed here." That was a fact none of them could deny, not after Xander's absence had all but slapped them in the face.

Faith didn't deny the fact, but she still felt they needed to do something about it. "We should take him out more often," she said. "Maybe he'd enjoy hanging out at a few clubs on a Saturday night." It would certainly give her the chance to check his moves again.

Dawn knew what Faith was thinking and responded appropriately: she scowled. "Hey, don't even think about it, Faith," she told her. "I've already got the girls at Oxford jealous." Her mouth snapped shut once she realized what she had said.

Both Slayers looked to her like they had found prey. "Really?" Buffy asked. "And just how were you making these Oxford girls jealous?"

"None of your business."

"Oh no, Little D," Faith smirked. "You drop a tidbit like that? You gotta spill." And she knew the girl wanted to talk. She could see it.

It didn't take long for Dawn to spill. "We were talking about homework that somehow turned to guys and several girls started bragging about their boyfriends. They noticed I wasn't really paying attention and tried bringing me in. Since they know I was there to study, most thought I was either too shy or too busy to find someone."

Buffy could see where this was going. "And since you wanted them to go away, you said Xander was your boyfriend."

Her sister shrugged. "I told them I had a guy. They didn't believe me until Xander drove up at the end of the semester." She could still remember that day. He drove up in a Mustang, parked right outside her hall, and waited. She did her best not to dash outside with her luggage while the girls stared at the man outside. Once she was outside, Xander gave her a hug, put her luggage in the trunk, and tossed her the keys. They drove off without looking back.

While Faith could understand what Dawn had done, she was also obliged to point out where she might've gone wrong. "Those girls might've thought he was your butler or something."

"Not the way he was dressed." And certainly not the way she kissed him after the hug.

The Slayers smiled in unison. They knew what she meant. "Showed up looking American, did he?" Buffy asked.

"Jeans, dark shirt under a flannel overshirt with the sleeves rolled up." Dawn couldn't help her smile at the memory. It was a nice memory. "The eyepatch gave him an air of mystery. When I got back, there were a lot of questions waiting. They really wanted to know who the hunk was."

While Buffy was glad Dawn had someone, she wished it was someone else. "Dawnie, about Xander—"

Dawn cut her off with a single finger. "Don't even, Buffy. You had your chance with Xander, and you blew past it without even looking." She was eighteen and she knew what she wanted. Like hell she was going to give it up.

Her sister frowned while Faith smirked. "Huh, sounds like Little D ain't so little now," the brunette Slayer remarked. "And wants a challenge too."

Both Summers sisters looked at her and asked, "Excuse me?"

The front doors opened, cutting off her response. Kennedy and Vi rushed in and quickly slammed the doors closed. "Where's that beam?" Vi demanded as she held the doors closed. The other Slayer grabbed the beam and slid it home, barring the doors.

Buffy and Faith stood up. Their Slayers looked horrible. Actually, that was underselling it. Vi and Kennedy looked as if they went through an unexpected warzone. There were no obvious injuries but that didn't hide the tears and stains their clothes had. They were also considering the doors as if they weren't enough.

So, the elder Slayers had questions. "Kennedy, what happened?" Buffy asked.

She looked back, eyes half-wild. "Well, we went to St. Trinian's and asked for Xander back," she answered. "The girls there…objected."

"What does that mean?" Dawn asked.

Something slammed against the doors, making them shiver. Shadows started dancing across the windows and there were war-cries outside. "It means they chased us back up here and are currently attacking the castle!" she screamed, bracing herself against the door.


Turns out, a surprise attack was just the right thing to test the new Slayers. The invaders only just managed to get inside before being beaten back. But that was the only good piece of news. There wasn't a single Slayer or Watcher who didn't get hit by a stink-bomb or paint-pellet. If it hadn't been for Willow's improvements to their cybersecurity, they would've been hacked too.

So, they had been attacked, pretty much swatted on the nose, left with a mess on the front lawn while the attackers ran away in victory, and they still didn't have Xander.

No one had to say it. The Slayers were pissed.

In fact, Buffy was ready to declare war.

It didn't take much to find where St. Trinian's was. Sneaking over the school boundary was even easier. It was when the school was in sight that things took a turn for the worse. Apparently, the girls of St. Trinian's expected night attacks.

What should've been a quick raid turned into siege warfare. The St. Trinian's girls certainly knew how to protect their school, but the Slayers were determined to recover their Xander. Getting through the front yard had been the easy part (even if some of those traps had been nasty). And unlike the attack on them, the Slayers were able to get inside.

That's when things took a turn for the worse, and the vicious. The second the Slayers stepped inside the building, everything short of bullets were hurled at them. Faith could've sworn that a toilet had been dropped from above at one point (although, that might've been her adrenaline running rampant). The Slayers were doing their best not to kill the girls, but they weren't getting the same luxury. It had devolved into a room-by-room brawl, with more Slayers falling the further they got in. The only upside was they took as many St. Trinian girls with them.

By the time the sun had risen, only Buffy and Faith were still standing, along with the Head Girl of St. Trinian. There was only one room left, on the highest floor in the school. While Faith held off the Head Girl, Buffy flung the door open. At this point, she half-expected Xander to be trapped in a prison cell.

She certainly didn't expect to see him asleep in a bed.

"B, what's the hold up?" Faith demanded as she stepped in close. "Let's…" She trailed off as she too took in the sight.

Perhaps it was the positioning of the bed, or the fact the window was opened. Yet the fact remained, with the morning sun shining through right onto the bed, they could've been looking at a scene straight out of a fairy tale. But what stood out the most was Xander himself, and how he slept.

He was at peace.

There was no tenseness in his body and there was no weapon within easy reach. The serene expression on his face completed the look. Buffy honestly couldn't remember the last time she had seen Xander so relaxed. It also struck home just how much he wasn't the boy from high school that was crushing on her. This was a man before her eyes, with a man's body.

Faith saw the same. She had to fight the urge to whistle. "Boytoy's been keeping his edge," she thought. The sheets covered his modesty but were thin enough to show his muscles. There were enough on his arms to make her guess what the rest looked like. It was certainly different from what she remembered. "Sorry, Little D. This is gonna be a fight."

Xander shifted, turning towards the light. The move exposed his back, and since he wore no shirt, revealed the scars. On some level, Buffy knew he would have them. He had fought by her side for this long, so there were bound to be some. But knowing that, and seeing the scars for herself, were two separate things.

She squashed the horrified sound in her throat before it got out. But a part came out as a squeak. Xander snapped awake and swung his legs out, searching for danger. Then he saw the Slayers at the door. "Buff, Faith?" he asked as he reached for his eyepatch. "What are you doing here? And why are you holding Annie, Faith?"

"It's Annabelle," the Head Girl said, more out of reflex than exasperation. Then she remembered what kind of situation she was in and became nervous.

That was not something Xander missed. Neither was the fact the Slayers couldn't look him in the eye. He stood up from his bed and approached the door. "Buffy, if I step outside, am I going to see a lot of Slayers and possibly injured schoolgirls?" he asked.

"Um, well…kinda?" she replied, hoping that a sheepish grin could ease the mood.

It didn't. "Faith, let go of Annie," he ordered. "Then get everyone up and head down to the front hall. I'll be there shortly." The Slayers were already moving before they thought about the orders. Annabelle just did as she was told.


"I am very disappointed in you."

No one was sure just who Xander was talking to as he looked at both St. Trinian girls and Slayers. At this point, the safe bet was that he was talking to them both.

They had all gathered in the front hall, the divide between groups clear. The Slayers had their backs to the doors while the St. Trinian girls held the stairs. Xander walked the space between them, the only person who did. His eye swept both sides, showing no favoritism.

"Tara, Tania." Two young girls came to the front at his voice. They couldn't have been older than ten. While they were certainly trying to look young and innocent, many a Slayer recognized them as the more vicious part of the defense. And it was clear that Xander wasn't buying the act either. "Can I assume that you two are responsible for what happened?"

"No, Xander," they said together, pouring on the innocence.

"Oh, so the fact that I needed to fix the pipes underneath the school, the same pipes that were recently installed and in pristine condition, the same day my people came to get me was a complete coincidence?" Their silence was answer enough. He looked at the rest of the schoolgirls. "As for the rest of you, after all the time and effort I made to repair and improve your home, giving you back actual dormitories instead of that one big room, you go ahead and destroy it? This is the thanks I get?"

"They were going to take you away," one of the girls replied. Her glasses did nothing to hide the black eye she was sporting.

He whirled around onto her. "I was always going to leave, Meredith. I told you all many times, I was a temp hire. When the job was done, I would go." He paused and looked at them all. "And I know you were all aware of that, considering just how many things kept seem to break." None of them looked him in the eye. He sighed. "Girls, I made my position clear when I placed a bet about how long I would last."

That last sentence confused the Slayers, and also made them mad. The only reason those schoolgirls would bet on something like that was if they were trying to scare Xander off.

Their protective rage stopped short when he turned his disapproving look onto them. "Kennedy, Vi." Unlike the twins, they didn't try to look innocence. They knew what was coming. Xander didn't make them wait long. "Scout the area for vampires?" he asked them, clearly using their own words against them. "Do I look new to the field? Did you honestly think I wouldn't check the school out and see if anyone was aware?"

Any glib remark they might've had died. They knew Xander would do something like that. They just figured it would take a little longer. "You needed a break, Xander," Kennedy told him, putting on a brave front. "Besides, we didn't start this whole mess." She pointed at the other side of the hall. "They came after us."

The St. Trinian girls glared in response. They started to reply, only to freeze as Xander looked at them again. "Yes, they did." He looked them all in the eyes and laid down his judgement. "Bad girls."

As one, they wilted. Normally, a St. Trinian girl took pride in being a bad girl. It meant they were doing what they did best, causing mayhem and chaos. Yet when Xander used the words, they were filled with disappointment, the kind where he knew they could do and be better, yet they didn't. Since he had joined the school, they had quickly learned the only thing worse than a disappointed Xander was an angry Xander (as the Chavs knew well).

The disappointed look lasted only a minute. "Girls, you knew this day was coming. It was fun while it lasted, but I've got to go now," he told them all. "However," they all perked up at that, "I will not leave while the school is such a state. It'll have to be fixed up." Then he looked at the Slayers. "And I already have a workforce."

They all knew that look and were promptly nervous. There was a unique punishment for Slayers when they broke something major. They would have to fix it under Xander's watch. And when it came to repair jobs, he was a taskmaster.


Thanks to Slayer fortitude, and Xander driving them on, the school was back to its regular state by the end of the day. During the time, Xander told Mrs. Fritton that his job was done and he would have to leave. While the Headmistress took his resignation with accepting dignity, the staff pleaded for him to stay. He had to shake off more than a few clutching hands from his leg when he left.

The girls of St. Trinian took his leaving a little better (there was only one half-serious kidnapping attempt at lunch, blunted by the Slayers). When the time came, he said goodbye to them all on the front steps, using their names. He went so far as to give hugs to the first years, even if he had to avoid Tara's homemade stunner. After exchanging some parting words and an encouraging smile with the Head Girl, Xander and the Slayers left St. Trinian's.

No one dared to ask the questions burning in their minds until they were at least thirty miles away. "So, boytoy," Faith asked from her seat in the van, "just how many of those girls tried to lead you 'into temptation?'" Considering the outfits she had seen at that school, she felt justified with the phrasing.

"They tried," Xander answered without missing a beat. "The only thing they got from me was some teasing and light flirting." The Posh Totties had taken that as a challenge. They had done their best to seduce him, using every trick they knew. Xander was just amused by their antics and showed them a few ways to improve.

Buffy glanced his way. "Xander, if you knew the mission was a fake, why did you stay so long?" she asked. She had seen a lot of drinks in the teacher's lounge. Considering the way the girls fought, she could figure why.

He looked out the window, at the road behind them. "It was relaxing," he admitted. "All I had to worry about was getting the repairs done and the girls trying to scare me off. Compared to our lives, that was nice."

"Didn't stop you from making Kennedy and Vi stay there as helpers." The Slayers had been horrified when he made the announcement. But they couldn't say anything before Mrs. Fritton took them away to learn their duties.

He smirked. "Next time, they'll think better of sending me on a fake mission. Besides, once they get over the initial shock, they'll probably love the place." He had found that the best way to handle the St. Trinian girls was treat them like Slayers: he'd offer a guiding hand and advice when they needed it, and generally be a big brother. It had surprised them at first, but they took to it in the end. "Y'know, I might just go back at some point, see if they need a repairman again."

The only reason the van didn't screech to a halt and do a flip in the process was because Buffy wasn't driving. Still, every Slayer in the van looked at him like he was insane. "What, you wanna go back?" Rona asked. "To that nuthouse?"

"It's not so bad, Rona. In fact, I'm going to see if the Council can't have closer relationships with St. Trinian. Some of those girls would make excellent Watchers."

That was pushing it. "Xander," Faith began. "Don't you—"

His eye found her in the mirror. "I could always go back to Africa." That shut her argument down fast, as did any other possible arguments.

They needed a change in the conversation. Buffy knew one. "So, what was with the big wad of cash the girls gave you before leaving?"

Xander's smirk was quite pleased. "Oh, it was my winnings. I bet the girls that I would choose to leave St. Trinian's instead of being driven out." They all laughed when he made the bet. They weren't laughing when he took his winnings but that was beside the point. "I'd say I'm about two thousand pounds richer."

That was no number to sneeze at, especially if it was just spending money. "What are you gonna do with it?" Rona asked.

"Well, the first thing is buying Twinkles." The Slayers laughed. That was Xander. He could go from serious to goofy without any incentive.

They wouldn't have it no other way.

End

Author's note: Thank you for all the reviews you've sent me.

I think the best way to describe this chapter is this: "We didn't send lambs to slaughter. We sent catnip to lions!"

I found the St. Trinian's movies a couple years back and thought they were funny as hell. Harry Potter, they ain't. And after watching Buffy, I wondered what would've happened if Xander was plopped right in the middle of it. I certainly thought he'd take it in stride. Just to be clear, Teenager Xander would've been overwhelmed by them, and rightly so. Adult Xander had more experience and responded properly.

And I do believe the St. Trinian's girls would've fallen in love with Xander like the Slayers did. They're pretty much like Slayers, destructive when they feel like it but still wanting to enjoy their lives. And here comes Xander, who doesn't get scared by their tactics, doesn't get enticed by their uniforms (or the Posh Totties), and has no problem stopping fights before they go too far. I'd be willing to bet that if he found out about their side business with the vodka, he'd try a glass and offer some advice. Add in the fact he was able to rebuild the school into something better, even give the girls proper rooms, is it any wonder they didn't want him to leave? And that's not including how the teachers love him for handling the girls.

If I had the chance to write the story in full, I would've given a lot more detail about the fighting. It would've been fun writing that out, going from the Slayers' absolute confidence in their raid to their surprise at meeting stiffer resistance than initially thought. And yes, a toilet was involved at one point.

Not sure if I'll come back to this story. Seems better as a one-off. But if I do, maybe I'll have the St. Trinian's girls try to kidnap Xander again because they miss him. Could be fun.

I'll see you all next chapter!