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He was acting distant and quiet. I had tried talking to him but he kept responding with one word answers, intermittently taking phone calls and barking orders. I knew that his parents news was getting to him, this new child and her past stirring up old ghosts. Ghosts that Christian liked to keep hidden but very close. I wanted him to feel like he could tell me anything, that no matter what he said I would be ok.
After several failed attempts at starting a conversation I chose the one topic that I knew he couldn't and wouldn't resist. I felt kind of bad taking the easy route but he had left me no choice.
"What did you mean before when you said I just have to let you?" We were sitting at the bar in the kitchen, I was eating a bowl of cereal. It was amusing watching him prepare it for me. I was really to nervous to eat at Christian's parents house and was starving by the time we got back to Escala. He took a sip of his wine and looked me over before he answered.
"In the limo?"
"Yeah." I nodded as I answered, waiting to see if the fish would take the bait.
"Do you really want to know Ana?" There was something in the way he said it, that gave me a moments pause. Did I really want to know…
"Yea, I think so." I exhaled loudly, with a shrug of my shoulders, still not sure. He smiled and took my near empty bowl out of my hands. He kissed the top of my head and lead me back down the hallway, to the red room. I was beginning to wish I didn't ask. There was something about that room that made me really excited and really terrified at the same time. There was also this lingering feeling, something I couldn't place; Maybe it was the ghosts of the fifteen women that came before me. I wondered about them. I wondered if he treated them the way he has been treating me; with such care and concern. I wondered if they cared for him the way I did; so much so quickly. If they felt how I was feeling, standing in this huge orange scented room, with fearful anticipation. Full of want and hunger, fear and dread.
He stood before me, his body tall, shoulders wide. He was more himself here than any place I had seen him. He was relaxed, at ease in this familiar environment.
"You see Ana, there are things I can do to you in here, things that will make you scream, cry, beg…I can make you feel like everything is possible, because in here everything is. But there is a price for that, you have to give yourself over to me, one hundred percent." My belly dropped at he spoke, the tone in his voice sent a shiver down my spine. Everything is possible…
"So I would have no say, in what you did to me. I don't know if I could do that Christian. To have no say at all?" I crossed my arms around myself, as my eyes wandered around the room. I felt small, and on the defensive. My mind flashing back to that night into the hotel room with Jack Hyde.
"No, you wouldn't not unless you safe word. But we would discuss your limits before hand."
"Uh, ok safe word?" How could I even be entertaining this, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Playrooms and safe words, limits, submission.
"It is a word of your choosing that would tell me when you have had enough."
"Stop, no, please… those don't work."
"No because you wouldn't really mean them."
"So would we draw up a contract of do's and don'ts"
"If you were my sub, yes. But you are not, nor will you ever be my sub, so no contracts. Just an understanding that when we are in this room, you are mine to do with what I please with the exception of your limits." I kind of felt like I was his to do what he pleased. He had bended me around quite enough already, not that I was complaining but what more could he really do. I was out of my depth in so many ways.
"So what are your limits Christian?"
"I don't like fire or burning. As you know I can't be touched in certain places."
"I see, and your previous subs… what were their limits?"
"It was different for everyone, some didn't like anal, some didn't want to be caned. Others didn't want to be gagged."
"I wouldn't want to be caned or gagged either."
"But anal is fine?"
"Uh, no… I mean… um… I don't know… maybe… I have no idea."
"See and this is what we would work out…after that it is all very freeing Ana. Then the fun would begin?"
"Like what for example?" He looked at me with a small smile on his face, his eyebrows raised in question "I am not asking or agreeing, I am curious what this room entails."
"Well that is a loaded question. First I would have you strip naked and kneel in the corner until I was ready for you. From there the sky is the limit. I have wanted to spank you since the moment we met."
"Are you serious?" My eyes were wide, I thought back to that first moment we met and I couldn't help but smile.
"Very serious, I wanted to put you over that leather chair in the atrium, lift up your dress and spank you over and over until you came. Then I would fuck you from behind."
"I see." My inner goddess swooned, while my inner feminist was making protest signs. I had never been more conflicted, horrified and turned at the same time.
"I have also wanted to tie you to this bed, your hands and your feet so you can't move, I have this leather crop. I think you would appreciate it."
"A crop, like for horses. You want to beat me with a crop and fuck me." Holy shit, he had some fucking nerve. This was not what I wanted. I wanted a man who would make love to me, flowers and hearts and all that crap… Not spankings and riding crops.
"Ana, it would not be like that, trust me. You would love every second of it. You are made for this, I realized that in the limo tonight. You liked it when I had your hands bound, and you have that little flash of pain. You came harder because of it." He was right, I did. It was so intense and overwhelming and exciting. My body didn't even feel like my own, it felt like his. I could fell my heart rate quicken, I swallowed trying to relax.
"Ok, I have heard enough. I am really exhausted. Can we go to sleep now."
"Just sleep?" he looked disappointed as I shook my head yes. Like a little boy who was just told no.
"Yes, I have work tomorrow and honestly I am really sore… like really really sore…" Every muscle in my body ached, not to mention the throbbing pain in my core.
"Baby you should have said something…"
"No its fine, I just want to sleep. I know you don't like me in your bed so maybe Sawyer should just take me home." I didn't want to leave I liked being here with him, around him.
"No Ana, we just left your place…I want you here. I like you in my bed but…"
"But you don't want to wake up with my head on your chest again."
"No I don't, but there is a solution to this problem."
"What you tie me up so I cant move?" His face lit up at my suggestion.
"That's not a bad idea actually but no. I will just have to hold you."
I watched Ana as she slid into my bed, her small frame leaning against mine. She let out a small sigh of relief as her head hit the pillow and my arms wrapped around her. She was in one of my tee-shirts a makeshift night gown, it hung off her body in such an appealing way I wanted to… No, she was sore. Of course she was, I was not gentle in the limo. Not even a little bit but I did restrain myself, had I done what I really wanted to do we would still be in there with poor Sawyer diving us around the city.
I had felt crazed since leaving my parents house. The news of this small child, being beaten and abuse left for dead was too much for me to bare. I knew these things happen every second of every day all over the world. But this child had a connection to my mother and therefore had a connection to me.
I knew better then anyone the effects an abusive childhood could have. Here I have this lovely, virginal innocent woman in my bed and I am telling her about subs, and playroom, whips and crops. I am a horrible man, but god help me I couldn't stop myself. My mind racing with all the things I could do with her. It had been such a long time since I had been in that room with someone. All these months trolling clubs, randomly fucking for the sake of fucking; no last names no limits.
I can feel Ana move and then wince and I feel like an even bigger asshole. I have had her four times, I should have waited, given her body a chance to recover.
"Ana are you ok?" I tuck my nose behind her ear and kiss her lobe, I can feel her shudder just a bit, so I do it again.
"Yes, I am…fine… just tired… I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow."
"Ana, you don't have to do anything."
"No Christian YOU don't have to do anything. The rest of us have bills to pay." If she had any idea about the bills I pay she would lose her mind.
"Ana all I am saying is that…"
"Christian stop, please. I am going to work tomorrow."
"Fine…"
"I just wish…never mind, it does not matter what I wish.. It is what it is…" There is an immense sadness in her voice, full of regret and angst and it saddens me that Ana is so defeated. That six months out of school and the world has beaten her into a cubicle doing something she hates. My anger for Jack Hyde grows by the day, all this hate for a man I haven't even met yet.
"Ana… I want to ask you something…"
"Um, ok?"
"What happened with you and Jack Hyde in New York?" It had been driving me crazy, thinking that some asshole put his hands on her if she didn't want him to. And to add insult to injury blacklisting her. I had made a few phone calls and Ana was right, he had called all the publishing houses in the area.
"Well…um… he was always a little touchy. But no one seemed to say anything or mind… And I was not interested in him… So I just thought it was what it was. But he was also snide, you know… even mean. But it was usually because he was having a bad day and he was my boss so I dealt with it. When the trip to New York came up I was actually excited to go. He really sold me on it, and I thought it was going to be a stepping stone." I could hear her voice waiver and crack and I wanted to rip his fucking face off.
"Anyway we get there and we had this small meeting in the NY offices and then dinner with the team. It was nice, he went out of his way to include me…So we go back to the hotel and he asks me to come to his room, to go over some stuff for the big meeting the next day. I object and ask if we can do it down stairs instead. He agrees, saying we can work and have a drink but he needs my help getting the paperwork and laptops to bring down. I stupidly agreed and…" She stops and takes a deep breath, I pulled her body closer to mine and she relaxes against me.
"Ana, its ok…"
"Uh, he slapped me. Like really hard… I didn't see it coming. Its all kind of a blur after that. I mean he pushed on the bed and tore my dress… it was Kate's dress actually… He was saying awful hateful things as he was kissing me, or trying to kiss me…But then I heard my dads voice in my head and I kneed him in the balls, and then I kicked him when he was down." The anger and rage was pumping through my body, I was forcing myself to calm down, for Ana's sake. I couldn't wait for Jack Hyde to get what was coming to him.
"You kicked him?"
"Twice actually and then I ran…Grabbed my stuff and hightailed it to the airport."
"That son of a bitch…" We laid there for a while, her back to my front, her body tucked into mine. Her gentle breathing calming me down.
"You know what Christian he did me a favor… if not for him… I wouldn't be right here… right now…" I smiled at the thought as I kissed the back of her head.
"Fair point well made."
