When I as a kid I was always afraid of the dark, actually I wasn't so much afraid of the dark… I was afraid of all the things I couldn't see because of the darkness. I was afraid of the unknown, afraid of what I could hear but not see. I am still that way, your childhood fears never really leave you; they just change shape and form but they are still always there.

I wake up, my eyes fly open and I can tell it is early. The light is dim and Ana is still in my arms. I can hear her soft breathing as I pull her closer to me, sinking my face into her whisper soft hair. It's so strange how right it feels to have her here, in my childhood room. Actually it feels right to have her in all of my rooms, she just fits. Ana belongs here with me and I belong with her. Fate smiled on destiny and she appeared in my life.

I kiss the base of her neck and I can hear her let out a small sigh, and I know now that she is awake. I want her, she has been distant since the meeting with Hyde, and something inside her has broken in to pieces. Actually it has re-broken, over the months she glued herself back together and I went ahead and allowed her get smashed once again. What Hyde did to Ana that day, forever changed her and what she has painstakingly avoided all these months is here, now. And I am to blame for that, it's no wonder she is pushing me away.

I hate this feeling of being out of control, of having to wait and wonder what is going to happen next. I always know what is going to happen because I make it so. I create the future I want, but with Ana I can't.

"Good morning Baby…" I trail my fingers along her smooth hip, lifting up the tee-shirt I put on her the night before.

"Christian, stop…Don't…" My heart sinks at her wording thing she does not want me anymore, that my touch is causing her a moments panic. A panic I know too well.

"…we are not alone…Olivia snuck in a few hours ago…" I breathe a sigh of relief as I craned my head over Ana's body and Olivia was once again asleep, wrapped in her arms. Olivia looked so small there, so delicate and she looked at peace. She had a peace that only Ana could give her it would appear.

"Was she ok?"

"Just scared, she had… a bad dream…" I knew her pain; I was twenty eight and still dreaming of the things that haunted me. I was still dreaming of my mother, her smile and her hair. Dreaming of the burning pain I felt, as she watched on doing nothing to stop it, too high for it to even register. I dream about the awful smell of cigarettes and sex in the air and then my mother dead on the floor. I could only imagine the horrors of Olivia's dreams, enduring all she had. I wished there was something I could do to spare her the sleepless nights ahead, but like Flynn said… there was really nothing I could do that time couldn't.

"I wish I was… older…more settled…" I knew what Ana was thinking, and it scared me.

"Ana…"

"I know, Christian I know… It's just… never mind…"

"She is going to safe and happy here, she will have all of us…Grace and Carrick are amazing people and were wonderful parents… and trust me I was not easy to deal with."

"I know you are right… I can't explain it though…but I know you are right."

We lay there together, the three of us as Ana drifted back off to sleep. It was peaceful, and quiet and easy. I watched the sun come up, thinking about Olivia and Ana. Then I couldn't help but think about Ana's unspoken wish, her want. Thinking about how impossible it was, how she was in no way shape or form able to care for a child. She was just barely twenty-two, a baby herself and I would never and could never be a father. My fifty shades of fuck up would never allow for a child, a family. Deep down I knew that these were things that Ana would want. She would want these things that I couldn't buy for her, things that I couldn't give. And I knew in soul, what was left of it anyway that would be the reason she would leave me.

"Ana… wake up…" I heard Olivia's sweet soft voice as she gently shook Ana awake.

"Morning monkey…"

"Good morning Ana…" She yawned out the sentence and peeked her head up to find me. "Good morning Chris…" I chuckled at the use of my new found nickname.

"Morning… How did you sleep?"

"Good here… the other room was too dark and scary…"

"It's not scary, it's just new…Nothing can hurt you here Olivia, nothing. This is a safe place… I should know I grew up here."

"You did?" She sat up in the bed, and pushed a few stray hairs off her face.

"I did… I was smaller than you when I first got here… and this was my room. The first night I was scared too, I had bad dreams and I cried…But then the next night was better and the one after that…"

"Was Ana here too?"

"No… Ana wasn't…"

"Were you lonely without her?" I looked at Ana, her furrowed brow, a small smile on her face.

"Yes, Olivia I was… but I had Elliott and Mia, Mom and Dad…" She was quiet, look at Ana and then back to me. She was trying to make sense of all that had happened to her in a few short weeks.

"I like Grace…she smells like candy…" Ana and I laughed, of all the reasons to like my mother only a child would pick that she does in fact smell like candy. It's one of my earliest memories of her too. That first day in the hospital, I smelled her before I saw her, from behind the hospital curtain with butterflies and bees on it.

"You're right Olivia, she does."


It was hard leaving her, I hated to do it but she was a brave girl. She hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek, releasing me only when I promised I would see her tomorrow. My feeling and emotions have been all over the last few days, and I didn't know which end was up. All I knew for sure is that I was exhausted, and sad. I was overwhelmed and honestly a little scared. Scared of how quickly my relationship with Christian had taken form. Scared about how much I already felt for him, scared that he wouldn't want me in time. Scared that he would get bored and need the red room and everything that it represented, scared he needed something I couldn't give him.

I climbed into the limo, I resisted the urge to lay down on the seat as Christian slid in behind me and I melted into his arms.

"Baby just sleep, we will be home soon."

"I am too tired to sleep… I feel so not myself… Christian I want to go home to my apartment and sleep in my own bed in my own clothes…I need like a day to myself…" I could see his eyes grow wide but his quickly returned his face to his normal neutral.

"Ana…" he exhaled loudly and shook his head. "Taylor… take us to Ana's apartment."

We drove in silence and I was grateful for it, I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to have to explain and convince him why I needed time alone. I didn't want to use what little energy I had left. All I wanted was my favorite sweat shirt, my small but comfortable bed, a cup of hot weak tea and maybe a book. No I take that back, I wanted a magazine. I still stupid magazine with celebrities on the cover. I wanted to be mindless.

I didn't want to be touched, I didn't want to be petted or served or anything that would be at Escala. I just wanted to be plain old Ana again.

"Taylor, how is your hand?"

"It's fine Miss Steele, thank you for asking."

"Thank you… I mean… for what you did yesterday… Thank you…"

"It's my job…"

"No, no it's not…you had him restrained… that was your job, kicking his ass… that was a gift… and I appreciated it." He smiled, locking eyes with me in the rear view mirror. "And you kept Christian here out of jail, so it was a two for two."

"I wouldn't have killed him… he would have wished for death but he would have lived…"

"What happened to him?" I could feel his grip around me tighten and the tone of his voice changes. It was tinged with anger and disgust.

"Well, if we would have reported him to the police we would have had to surrender the videos... So that couldn't happen… Sawyer took him back to his apartment and strongly advised him to stay clear of anything that fell under the Christian Grey umbrella."

"Do you think he will listen?"

"No, I don't. So I have my security guy digging into his past and keeping track of his whereabouts…for now you will have security twenty four seven."

"Is that really necessary?" I couldn't imagine being followed like that, always having someone watching over you.

"Yes, this is why I would prefer you staying at Escala. It would make things much much easier for Taylor and Sawyer if we are all under the same roof."

"I want to be alone… I can't be alone under your roof, and I can't be alone with your men following me at every turn Christian."

"And why is it that you want to be alone?" His tone was low and bordered on forceful and it fueled something inside of me. I pulled my body away from his, needed some air and space.

"Because I need a break, from you from us, from this… in like a few days' time I went from a single virgin to Christians Grey's girlfriend… Then Jack Hyde's co-star and then Olivia happened… and I feel like I have no fucking clue what is happening and I need to figure it out…and if you don't like it, to fucking bad!"

"I don't like it Ana, Hyde is a crazy person. Look at what he did to you! I want to keep you safe."

"You should never have seen what he did to me! That is the point…" I could feel the tears fall from my cheeks. Damn it all to hell…

"Ana ENOUGH!" His voice stilled me, stopping me dead in my tracks. "You are the most important thing to me and I want to keep you safe. I will keep you safe, and if YOU don't like it too fucking bad… What Hyde did to you was awful and you need to deal with it, pretending it didn't happen, lying to me about it, lying to Kate even lying to yourself won't solve a damn thing. You need to talk to someone, Flynn… he can help you…Taylor, Ana and I are going to Escala, case closed." I opened my mouth to protest, but the look in his eye, was such a contrast to the words coming out of his mouth. He was afraid; it was fear looking back at me. I turned my head away from him, arms crossed against my chest.

"Ana…"

"Just don't Christian don't…" I bit my lip, tears welling in my eyes again but I refused to let them fall this time. Everything he has said was right, I need to deal… I just didn't want to. "You know… I have never cried so much in all my life since meeting you… I never really felt anything…for anyone…I was used to pretending I guess. And now since you I can't pretend anymore, but you can't either. If we are going to do this, really do this Christian you can't pretend anymore.

"I don't want to pretend Ana…"

"Good…"


I walked in to his bedroom and Gail had taken all the bags, unloaded everything into the closet and drawers. I stood in his closet in awe of everything he had bought for me. The shelves were lined bags from Chanel and shoes with red soles, Jimmy Choo boots. Velvet hangers holding gowns and dresses with tags that caused me to gasp when I saw their prices. Suits, skirts and shirts for work, cashmere sweaters, silk blouses in every color. It was overwhelming as I ran my hands over the fine fabrics.

"Do you like?" His voice was close behind me I jumped and turned to him.

"This is all too much, I don't need all of this… stuff."

"Stuff…"

"You know what I mean, you don't need to buy me Christian, I am not a sub or a gold digger. I am here because I am falling in love with you…" His face dropped a bit, and his shifted his weight, picking an imaginary thread off of the arm of his jacket.

"I thought you already loved me Ana?" I blushed under his gaze, speechless. I did say that I loved him in the limo but that was a slip of the tongue. That didn't count. And I was still unclear as to how he felt about me. I mean I knew he liked me… a lot… he had said that several times. But I like a lot of things a lot.

"I need a shower… excuse me…" I brushed passed him as he turned sideways letting me by.

"Do you want company Ana?"

"No Christian I don't… If I was not clear in the car I want to be alone…"