First off... I want to think those of you who gave Darkness and White a shot... I got a bunch of new followers, reviews and PM's this weekend and I am relieved that you guys like this story too... I am behind on my replays but i do try to get to everyone I can...
Second... I know Ana and CG cut to the chase quickly with the touching and the I love yous.. but El James already told that story... I want to tell you guys a different one... so things are going to be twisting and turning away from the original... and I needed them past some of their crap to do that.
Thank you all for following and reading along!
xoxo PPP
Power exchange… Christian's words from days before playing in my mind over and over as I slumped against his chest, breathless. That is what just happened. I gave him mine and then he gave me his and somehow in the mix of all of that we became one.
His hands are running up and down the length of my bare back pulling me closer to him, his soft lips on me neck. I feel light headed and breathless, my body still full because of him.
"Ana… what you make me feel…" I take his face in my hands and make his eyes meet mine.
"What do I make you feel?"
"Safe." The single word is like a hammer breaking my heart. This strong, rich powerful man is still very much a small boy needing to feel safe and I am able to do that for him.
"Me too… I mean you make me feel safe too Christian." A small smile appears on his face, and then his eyes flash with worry. Once again I find myself wishing I could read him mind.
"Promise me Ana, that you will never leave me." His voice is full of need and panic and it causes my heart to skip a beat. He crushes me to him and I believe in that moment I never could leave him.
"I promise you…" He smiles before he presses his lips to mine my sentence unfinished, a hungry growl as he takes over my mouth and I gladly give it to him.
"Fuck…" The sound of his cell phone ringing from his pants pocket on the floor separates our mouths. He eases me off his lap and I lay on my side watching him retrieve his phone. Christian is a sight to behold, he is all long legs, tight ass, a strong broad back which I now see is marred with small round scars. Chicken pox maybe…
"Mom? What wrong…Ok… yes she is right here with me… No you didn't wake us…" His face his tight as he stares at me naked in bed. Somehow the idea of being on the phone with his mother makes me cover myself with the sheet and he scowls at me and shakes his head. "Is she ok?"
I sit up in bed, and throw my feet over the edge, realizing there is something wrong with Olivia.
"Just put her on the phone mom and I will give the line to Ana…" He holds the phone away from his body and covers it with his hand.
"Olivia had another nightmare, she won't calm down and she keeps asking for you." I nod and take the phone from him, taking a deep breath I put it to my ear and I can here Olivia sniffling on the other line.
"Hey monkey…"
"Ana…" My heart cracks open and starts to bleed in my chest when I hear the ragged haunted tone of her young voice. Life is not fair, this poor child…This is all too much and I feel overwhelmed and out of my depth. What do I know about children, what can I possibly do for her. She is like a small bird with two broken wings.
"Yeah baby it's me… what happened?"
"I had a bad dream… the man… and then I used your watch… but your room was empty…" She started to cry again, deep sobs. I try to lull her with my voice, telling her over and over and over again that it is going to be ok. He sobs stop and her breathing returns to normal but I know she is still crying and I want her here, with me.
"We don't live there Olivia…You need to go to Grace and Carrick's room when you wake up alone and scared. They will always be there…"
"But I want you…" I inhaled sharply… my inner goddess crying in the corner saying I want you too Olivia…
"I know… But that is not possible monkey… Grace and Carrick they are going to be your parents… they are going to help you…"
"Not you?"
"Of course I am too… and Chris… and Mia and Elliott and Dr. Flynn… we are all going to help you…"
"I want you Ana..." She starts crying hysterically and I want to get in the car and drive over there, wrap her in my arms and make all this go away. I hear yell out no and I can tell that Grace has tried to hold her, the slap of Olivia's hand most likely on Grace's forearm. Olivia wales louder and I know that this needs to be nipped in the bud.
"Olivia, enough…" I change the tone of my voice and she instantly stops crying. "I get that you are scared and that you feel alone… but you are not alone… and you can't carry on like this when you don't get what you want… Grace wants to help you and you must let her do you understand?" She whimpers a small yes, and I hope I am doing the right thing. "Now, it is very late and you should be asleep, I am sure Grace and Carrick would let you sleep with them…Now I am going to go back to sleep, you be a good girl and I will see you tomorrow morning…"
"Tomorrow?" I can hear the hope return to her voice and I feel deep down in my gut that this tactic is working.
"Yes, I will come for breakfast and we can spend the day together ok?"
"Promise?" I hear Christian's voice in my head… begging me to promise that I will never leave him.
"Yes monkey I promise. Now go to sleep sweet girl…Give the phone to Grace please…"
"Ok, good… night Ana…"
"Ana…" Grace sounds exhausted and defeated, not like her usual self at all.
"Rough night huh?" I ask already knowing the answer to the question. She laughs nervously into the phone and I can feel the tension leaving her body.
"You could say that. Ana… Thank you…"
"Don't thank me yet…I err, told Olivia she could sleep in your bed tonight." I hadn't thought that through, there was the off chance that was not at all what Grace wanted.
"Of course she can." I wave of relief washed over me, my shoulders finally slumping.
"I also promised I would come for breakfast and spend the day with her tomorrow."
"Thank you Ana… She has attached herself to you…"
"We have attached to each other I think… So I will see you tomorrow…Good night Grace…" After she thanks me again and says her good nights I hand the phone to Christian, who I forgot was in the room. Once my eyes lock with his I start to cry and I can't hold back. He is at my side in an instant, his arms around me his hand in my hair, quietly soothing me.
"She was so…scared…" Christian knows all that Olivia has gone through but I couldn't bring myself to ask. I didn't want my mind stained by those memories; I wanted to only see Olivia going forward.
"I know baby… I know... You handled that well, very well… You set limits and rewards… That is what she needs now more than anything. Trust me I know." I cried harder just imagining a four year old Christian, hurt and scared and confused. I held on to him tighter, wishing I could open myself up and pull him in, keep him safe, keep them both safe. I want ask him how he knows, I want to know why he is the way he is but all I can do is cry onto his bare chest until exhaustion takes over and he eases me back on the bed. Wrapping me up in his arms and in the cool fabric of the sheets until we both drift off to sleep.
There is a sound she makes when she is sleeping, I could listen to her for hours. The soft release of the breath from her body, the whisper of a sigh escaping from the back of her throat. This is the woman I love, a love that I never thought someone like me could be capable of. I allowed her to touch me, I needed her too and I am not sure why but when she gave herself over to me something shifted. She allowed me to touch her in a way that caused her pain and I had no choice but to respond in kind. In the moment I gave myself over to her, the pain was unbearable but then I saw the look in her eyes. A complex mix of shock, awe and love and I knew in the blackness of my heart that I was doing the right thing and the pain just dissipated. Mind over matter.
I can feel her slight frame stretch against mine and I know that she is waking, it feels like Christmas morning. I pull her closer and she pushes back, pressing herself against me and I wonder if her perfect ass is sore. The idea that it is makes me harden against her.
"Good morning baby…"
"What time is it?" I crane my neck over her shoulder and kiss her cheek as I look at the clock.
"It's almost eight."
"Are going into the office today?"
"Yes, I have no choice. I have a million meetings and SIP is getting relocated today." The last two days working from home have been difficult, I am grateful that Ros is more than capable of picking up my slack but it is not the same when I am at the helm. "You are going to see Olivia correct?"
"Yes, I promised her that I would." The connection between Ana and Olivia left me conflicted. On one hand I was elated that Ana was able to help a child not so unlike myself, a child that was now my family. But then there was this other color to their relationship and I knew that they both wanted more.
"I will have Taylor take you after he drops me off at the office."
"I would take myself but my car is still at the office…" Now is probably not the right time to tell her this, but I had her car moved days ago. That death trap is not fit for an enemy to drive no less the woman I love. "Christian my car is still at the office isn't it?"
"No, I had it relocated…"
"To where?" I could hear the rising anger in her voice and I knew this was going to be a fight.
"Well, it is apparently a classic so I am having it restored…In the mean time I would like to buy you a new car?"
"Restored… you are having Wanda restored?" Only Ana would name her car.
"You named your car Wanda?"
"Yes, Fried Green Tomatoes…" I have no idea what she is talking about; this conversation is not taking the turn I expected. "It's a movie… forget it… when will I have her back?"
"I few months…"
"Months?" She wiggles out of my arms and turns towards me her deep blue eyes blazing with anger. I look at her sheepishly trying to use what god had given me in an effort to appeal to her forgiving side. "You had no right to do that. I loved my car just as she was… Sure she was slow and broken… but so are you!"
"I'm slow…" I burst out laughing as her cheeks turn pink and she covers her face with the sheet. I yank it away from her and she smiles and I know I am forgiven.
"Ana, it was not safe. If it was up to me it would be in the junk pile, but you told me you love it so I am trying to make it safer. In the mean time I will buy you a new car…"
"You already have right?"
"Well, yes… It will be here on Friday."
"You are an exasperating man…"
"I have been called worse Ana. Now let me show you how slow. I. Can. Be."
