I find myself watching her, just following her movements, her simple mechanical actions and I am transfixed. She is acting distant and removed and I can't figure out why. We spent the afternoon with Olivia, and then I went back to the office. Gail made us dinner, which Ana ate quietly avoiding my touch and my attempts at conversation; her mind was in another place and for some reason I let it be. It was not like me to just leave things be but I was trying to be a boyfriend not a dom and it was clear that Ana needed some space.

So now hours later all I can do is watch her unzipping her dress, and sliding into her sweatpants and tee-shirt. I can watch her standing at the sink, brushing her teeth, pulling her hair back and then washing her face. Simple mechanical movement.

"Ana is everything ok?" She finally looked in my direction and gave me a false smile. Fuck, I could feel a fight brewing. I was really not in the mood. The move from SIP to Grey was a clusterfuck of epic proportions. Ros, my second in command is getting married in three weeks and will be away for a month on her honeymoon and we are in the middle of acquiring a huge government contract, and if I needed a cherry on top of my day an entire shipment of food and medical supplies was hijacked in route to Darfur today. All I want to do is get Ana naked and fuck, and I mean really fuck but I don't see that happening.

"Everything is fine." She mutters back dismissively. My palm twitches, I hate being lied to. I know she is lying because her eyes are down and her brow is furrowed, it is her tell. I am learning her body like a map, every curve of her hip, every smile she has, every motion of her hand, it is all becoming a guide. A how to of Ana.

"Ana, just tell me and get it over with." Her eyes meet mine, and they are blazing with anger.

"Fine, who was that woman today in your office?" She cocked her one eyebrow and crossed her shoulders across her chest, Ana was challenging me. Everything in my body tightened at the thought and my entire hand began to twitch and my cock hardened. I casually sat at the foot of my bed, taking my time to answer. I wasn't really sure how much I wanted her to know about Elena.

"Elena Lincoln. She is a very old and very dear friend and business partner."

"Well you got the old part right." She was being smug and childish and I was quickly reminded that she was only twenty two.

"Ana, she is forty one, and a fine specimen at that." Her face contorted in anger and I had to stifle my laugh. This was fun, Ana was jealous.

"Whatever Christian. I am done with this day… I am going to sleep." She flung back the duvet with dramatic flair and crawled into bed, turning off the light on the nightstand, leaving me to sit there in the darkness. I watched her for a moment, the moonlight edging the curves of her body. I stood and pulled off my suit pants and shirt, throwing them on the chair in the corner.

"Ana, she is a friend. Don't make this a thing." I muttered as I pulled on my black silk pajama pants. I found it odd that I was in silk and Ana was in grubby old cotton.

"She used to be more…I could tell by the way she was looking at you…Was she one of the fifteen?" Fuck, fuck, fuck. Just Fuck.

"Yes… she was…a very very long time ago." Her eyes grew wide and then with lightning speed she was up off the bed and standing in front of me. I was waiting for her to stumble but she didn't, her anger trumped her gracelessness.

"And you just introduced me to her… and Olivia…"

"She is a family friend and you would have met her sooner than later anyway."

"Wait a family friend?"

"Yes, she is friends with my Grace. She was married to a college buddy of Carrick's. I have known her since I was a child."

"How old were you when she became your sub?"

"Ana, I became hers…she didn't become mine until much later on… Look, this is a very long story… I had a bad day so if sex is off the table, I think sleep is the next best option."

"Oh, sex is most certainly off the table Mr. Grey." She stormed passed me, and walked out of the bedroom. I had a choice to make… Do I stay and regain some semblance of control or do I follow her like a puppy dog. I thought for a long moment, until I finally gave in choosing option number two. Puppy dog.


I found her in the kitchen, standing in front of the stove her eyes intently watching the tea kettle. She pulled her hair out of its floppy bun and it fell down on her back, her fingers rubbing into her scalp.

"Headache?" She turned slowly at the sound of my voice, her eyes had softened and she nodded once. "Ana, look I have a past a very sorted past… Elena and I have a shared history, but it is history…we are friends and business partners. That is all. I didn't really see you as the jealous type."

"I'm not generally, but I guess I never hand anything worth being jealous over. She was just so familiar with you. I didn't like it, I didn't like her. And I like her even less knowing that she was your first, the same way you are mine." I made my way over to her, turning the flame off on the stove and then wrapping my arms around her tightly. Somehow she made cotton sweats sexy and alluring, maybe because it was only I who knew what lied beneath.

"Ana, what you and I have is not even in the same category of what Elena and I did. She was my first fuck, yes but you were the first and only woman I have ever made love too." She stood up on her tip toes, I could feel her back stretching in my arms and gently pressed her lips to mine.

"Chris… how old were you?" She looked up at me, her lips almost touching mine as she spoke.

"I was fifteen…almost sixteen." Her eyes closed like I had inflicted pain on her. "It was not like that Ana; I was a mess at that age. Hormones and rage, I couldn't be touched unless it was in the heat of a fight. I was drinking… steps away from drugs. Elena she gave me the focus and drive I needed…" She put her hands on each side of my face, pulling my eyes to hers. Her gently touch caressing away my building anger, soothing me.

"You were a child… that is not what you needed. Fucking and beatings you needed love…"

"No… I need love now from you, but then trust me when I tell you…I needed fucking and beatings and then control… Look this is ancient fucking history."

"No it's really not, the damage she caused you… it seeps into every part of your life. You would have become this person without her… Look at Elliott and Mia, they are exceptional people because of Grace and Carrick…"

She was so naive, she had no clue who I really was and if I had it my way she never would. She wanted to see the best in me, and I find myself wishing that I was actually that man. The version of me that Ana thinks I could have been, without Elena in my past. I chuckle and Ana frowns, the one thing all of my money can't buy me is time and a clean unmarred past.

"This is not funny, I am serious… you don't see yourself Christian… not really…"

"Baby, I am not laughing at you…" I wish I could see myself through Ana's lens, her huge innocent eyes. So clear and focused, so full of life and expectation. She relaxed her lithe body against mine, her head on my chest and my hands intertwine in her hair, rubbing the base of her neck. She moans, just a small noise and slides her hands down my body resting them on my hips. She is completely unaware of what she is doing, as we sway gently together.

"Ana…" I lift her off the ground, her body molding to mine and sit her on the cold marble of breakfast bar. Her eyes grow wide as her smile, as I lift my tee-shirt over my head.

"What are you doing?" She squeals out as I spread her legs and loosen the tie of her pants.

"I am putting sex… literally back on the table… Ms. Steele."

I was dreading telling him my plans for the night. I felt like I w


as asking my father for keys to the car as a teenager. I picked up the blackberry he insisted that I carry and typed with trembling thumbs. No fuck this. I am an adult. I had a life and friends BC, and I would be dammed if that would change AC.

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Tonight

Date: March 13 2013 11:22

To: Christian Grey

Chris-

I forgot to mention this morning at breakfast that I have plans tonight with Kate and Jose... I think Elliott is joining us laters…If you want to come…

x Ana

P.S. I can't stop thinking about this morning…

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Memory Lapse

Date: March 13 2013 11:23

To: Anastasia Steele

Ana,

I am fairly sure you didn't forget, luckily for you I already knew. Elliot and I will pick you guys up at the bar at eleven and then we are going back to Masion Gris. I am heading into a meeting, but this morning is on my mind as well.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.


He already knew, of course he did. I laughed, not that it was funny. It was the opposite of funny. In the week we had been together, Christian had involved himself in every aspect of my life. The blackberry was just the tip of the iceberg. I had a brand new wardrobe, with new things arriving by the day. Luke Sawyer, was the body guard assigned just to me, everywhere I went there he was. I wanted to go to the supermarket and pick up a few things for make for dinner, you know like a regular girl would do for her man. My usual stop at the ATM unearthed the fact that fifty thousand dollars had been deposited into my account. How he knew my account number, I shuttered to think. My student loans had been pain in full, and he shoved a black Amex in my wallet despite my protests. Even my car, it arrived a day early. It was a gleaming white Audi, sporty and safe. Christian's words in my head, he eyes were gleaming when he handed me the keys. I couldn't deny him; he looked the happiest when he was giving things away. This was not the life I wanted, a man who gave me things. I mean it was nice and all, I am not going to lie but it made me feel cheap, bought and sold.

I shook the thought from my head and tried to get excited about tonight. I stood before the closet trying to figure out what to wear, then giving up. I needed Kate; I would just wait for her.

"Steele I can't fucking believe this closet… I mean seriously some of this stuff just came off the runway." She pulled a few dresses out and held them against her perfect frame.

"You can take and borrow whatever you like Kate, this red one would look sick on you." It was so nice to be on the other side of this, me offering Kate things. I smiled as she quickly stripped out of her jeans and pulled the dress over her head. The dress was a deep dark red, a few shades darker and it could have been black. It had a deep open back and structured square cap sleeves.

"What do you think bra or no bra?" She turned to me, with a shit eating grin on her face, knowing the answer to the question. She unhooked her bra and threw it on the bed. "Victoria Beckham really knows how to make a dress."

"You look hot Kate… I have heels that match… hold on…" She slid them on her feet and the look was complete.

"Ok, now you…Uh… black? No not black…" She thumbed through hanger after hanger and then she pulled out a dark silver grey spangled mini dress, it was short and tight, adorned with sequins that ombred from a light grey on top to a deep dark silver on the bottom.

"This is perfect… seriously perfect…Steel for Steele" I was more bashful then Kate, I turned my body away from her and took off my robe, quickly stepping into the dress. She was behind me and zipped it up quickly. She was right, the dress was perfect. It felt like body armor, the color and the weight of the dress on my body. I felt powerful in it, like I could kick some ass.

"Jose is one lucky guy tonight…" She smiled and then threw her arm over my shoulder.

"He said he has some news… let's hope it's a girl because his heart is going to stop when he sees you in this dress Steele… Come on lets go get our war paint on."


Kate and I walked into our usual bar like we had done a million times before and yet this time felt different. I was different. We walked through to slacked jaws and whistles from the regulars we had grown to call bar friends and made a few stops along the way. The whole time I could feel Jose's eyes on me. We locked eyes a few times and I smiled but his eyes were cast in sadness and I suddenly felt like a fraud.

"Well you two are a sight for sore eyes." He put a smile on his face, and grabbed Kate into a hug. He wrapped his arms around me with trepidation and shrugged and held him close my hands around his waist, trying anything I could to erase that sadness from his eyes.

"You don't look so bad yourself Jose." He looked fantastic, like a model in his tight black jeans, well-worn black boots and pale blue V-neck tee shirt that showed off his glowly tan skin and pronounced collar bone. I shifted in my seat, confused by the effect Jose was having on me.

"Earth to Ana…" Kate voice broke my thoughts and asked me what I wanted to drink. I managed to mutter out the usual and pulled my buzzing blackberry out of my bag, to find a text from Christian. I quickly typed my reply and looked up to Jose frowning at me.

"That was Christian, he is running late… They will be here after eleven… but that just gives us more time to hang out."

Our drinks came and I was grateful for the distraction, wishing my vodka cranberry was a bit stronger.

"So this guy… is it you know… serious Ana?" His voice was timid, not like Jose at all and I nodded.

"Yeah, I guess it is…He is really a great guy. You will like him."

"I don't think so Ana and you know why…" He pounded down his drink and waived the waitress over. "I think shots, girls… shots?" He looked at us with wide eyes and we both nodded in agreement. She grabbed my hand under the table about his last comment. A moment later six shots arrived at our table and we held the first one up clinking our glasses together, spit and salt on our hands, a limes sitting in wait.

"Ok, spill Jose… what is this news you have to tell us in person."

"Well, my grant ran out…and I applied for another one…I got it…" His smile was huge, his shoulders broad, his chest puffed out. "But it's in New York… I am leaving tomorrow morning…"

"Wait WHAT?" My heart fell to my belly, Jose was leaving and sadness filled my chest where my heart once lived. "Tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I mean there is no reason to stay. I got a cheap flight, an apartment waiting…My bags are packed and I am ready to go…" His brow furrowed for a moment, and then Kate took over oozing excitement and assaulting him with questions. I did my best to smile and swallow the lump in my throat but I felt like I had just been hit by a bus. Kate handed me the second shot and I mechanically licked my hand, sprinkling it with salt. This second shot was harder to take, I bit into the sour lime and I could feel the tears well up in my eyes.

"Ana, are you ok?"

"Yeah the shot, just took my breath away." I wiped away the tear from my cheek. "You are going to love New York, I wasn't there for long but I loved it… The pictures you are going to take…"


It was getting close to midnight, and we had sat for hours talking about old times, and new plans. We ate our way through a plate of fries and wings like we always did and it hit me that we wouldn't be sitting here like this together next Friday. I realized that our bubble was officially popped. Kate had Elliott, I had Christian and Jose had New York.

"I think I am going to take off ladies… Its late and I have a flight to catch…" He stood from the booth and stretched exposing his tight abs and treasure trail. I sat there transfixed and confused. He and Kate hugged, I could hear her voice cracking and she said her goodbyes. I knew my turn was coming and I didn't want to face it. Jose pulled on his wool pea coat and looked me over for a moment.

"Ana, could I talk to you outside for a second?" I looked at Kate who sat back in Jose's empty seat and then back to him. He extended his hand to me and I took it, letting him lead me out of the bar. The cold air hit me as I pulled my coat on, tying it tightly around my waist.

"Ana, I just need to get this out ok… So please don't interrupt me…" I bit down on my lip and nodded, preparing myself for what he was about to say.

"I have loved you since I met you Ana, I know you don't feel that way about me. I have accepted that. It was hard but I did it. But then how you reacted to me leaving…I think you do have feelings for me and you are just so scared and self-contained… I am kicking myself for not pushing you, for making you see how good we would be together… and now it's too late… I am leaving and you are dating a billionaire… I can't compete with that… But I am not leaving until I kiss you and you kiss me back." He pulled me into his arms, his sweet breath mixing with mine. I should have resisted him but I couldn't. I felt dizzy and uncertain but there was no time to think as he pressed his lips to mine, my mouth parting for him. He pulled me close and I wrapped his arms around his neck, stunned by the intensity of his mouth, the want and need I felt and I knew that I would never think of Jose like a brother again.

Kissing him was so easy, so unencumbered by a past I didn't understand. But Christian's eyes flashed in my mind, his touch, his smile and I knew that deep down my heart was his. I pulled away, gasping for air.

"Jose, I can't…You are my best friend…" Disappointment lined his face and I wished that there was something I could do to make it go away.

"Yeah…but we could be so much more Ana. You could come with me… You said it yourself that you love New York…"

"Jose… I love Christian… I am sorry…You have no idea how much I am going to miss you. How much I wish I could feel for you what you feel for me…"

"You feel it Ana, you just don't want to…"

"Please don't make this any harder than it has to be… Please understand…" My voice cracked and he pulled me into his arms, I slacked against him holding on as tight as I could. I wanted to beg him not to leave, ask him to stay but I didn't have the right. What he wanted from me I could not give, I gave it all to Christian and that was just the way it was but that didn't mean I wasn't torn.

"I am going to miss your face Ana…" I was crying now, unable to stop myself.

"I am going to miss your face too…" He pressed his lips to my forehead, and the quickly released me. The cold winter air wrapping around my body as I watched him walk away into the dark night.