OK guys... after much thought and Facebook debate about if Ana cheated or not by kissing Jose... I am still not sure... but CG has made up his mind...
I know some of you wanted her to get punished and others did not... read on... I think I will please both camps... If not you will let me know in the reviews...
Just a side note .. I have had this story outlined from the beginning... so I am leaving you all breadcrumbs in the story... things that might not make sense now... will later... so keep that in mind... this all is leading somewhere very very different from the books...
For those of you reading Darkness and White... I hope to post a new chapter this time tomorrow night... part two begins...
Thank you for all your reviews ans support... I love reading and responding to them... I got as caught up as I could... for thoise of you who i didnt respond to I am sooo very sorry... I hope to not fall that far behind again!
xoxo PPP
"Baby, wake up…" I hear his voice, and my eyes reluctantly open. My back and neck are sore, and I am hot. The heat from Christian's body is permeating mine. I am longing for the crisp, cool white sheets on Christian's bed and the calm blank tranquil space that is Escala. I just want to sleep until the sun rises and sets once again, putting some much needed time and distance between these last few hours of my life.
I manage to pull my head off of his shoulder. My heart dies a bit as his arms loosen and pull away from me entirely. My eyes refocus on my surroundings and I see that we are not at Escala, and my heart drops for the second time of the night. My throat constricts and I realize he has changed his mind. This pain takes root in my body, I know in my now broken heart that we are over and I only have myself to blame. I make sorrow filled silent promise that I won't cry, that I won't make this any harder on him. I won't resist, I will submit to his wish to leave me, knowing I brought this on myself.
I sit up slowly and slide off of his lap, the cold leather seat a relief on my legs as I open my coat looking for relief and pull it off of my body. I don't look at Christian; I can't bare it, so instead I keep my eyes fixed out the window on to my apartment. The sun is rising over the horizon pink and golden peaches and yellows, mixing with the reminder of dusk's navy and cerulean blues. The Monet like composition of colors reflecting off the water that surrounds Pike's Public Market. The bright red neon sign still glowing in the horizon and for a moment I appreciate the beauty of the place I call home. I don't know when the last time was I saw a sunrise. Maybe never.
My mind drifts to Jose and how this would make a wonderful photo for his show. How foolish I was to ignore the years of his overtures and convince myself that he was like a brother. He wasn't and he never was and he never would be. I just wasn't ready for love and sex and surrender until I met Christian, well Chris... I think about Jose's embrace and his kiss wishing that I never allowed it to happen. Not just for me but for him, if Jose believes he is in love with me he could miss out on his what-if life and the women he is meant to love. I shudder at the thought and say a silent prayer that he goes to New York and finds it and her. I allow myself to acknowledge that am missing him already and I find the irony in the fact that I am losing both Jose and Christian in the same night.
I can hear Christian steadfast breathing behind me and then his hand gently rubbing my back, and I feel as though he is urging me to leave. I take a deep breath, mustering up the will that I need to go.
"I understand…" I mutter to the window, the heat of my breath fogging up the cold glass. I drag my finger through it idly, making the shape of a heart and then quickly wipe it away. I reach to open the door and pause for a moment to see if he will stop me. My heart dies a little more when he doesn't and I finally give in to what is coming next.
"I wish I could take this night back Christian… I really do but I understand…"
The cold morning air fills the back seat as I push the door open and I shiver, my coat still draped over my arm. How quickly the cold takes over me without Christian's warmth. I want to look back and see his face once more but I don't allow myself the frivolity, keeping steadfast to my promise.
"Ana, what do you understand?" There is a twinge of panic in his voice and then I feel his fingers wrap around my wrist pulling me back into the car. His touch ignites the dwindling flame in my body and I want to launch myself at him. But I don't, instead I just sit there not sure what is going to happen. "Ana… what don't you understand?"
"This is my apartment Christian…not yours…"I finally allow myself to look at him. His face is unreadable for a moment, and then he sighs reaching over me and slams the door shut.
"Ana, you were asleep. Kate and Elliott got wasted and couldn't get a cab, we had to double back to pick them up. We just dropped them off."
"Oh…" I could feel my cheeks burn. I was still so confused, so unsure of myself. How did all that happen without me knowing? "Why did you wake me up?"
"To see the sunrise… I thought it could be another first for us…" It ran his finger along his bottom lip, his brow furrowed. "Ana I meant what I said…my promise…but I don't know how to reconcile what you did tonight… I have never been in a situation like this…But I will figure it out… one transgression is surmountable."
His grey eyes are dark, full of hurt and lost ideals. The pedestal he has wrongly put me on has come crashing down and he is trapped beneath it. I felt exhausted and depleted in every way possible. This night was just a never ending, spiral of sadness, loss and confusion. I am too tired to even speak or think. All I can do is watch the sunrise over the water as Christian pulls me into his arms, the warmth of his body warming me once more.
"Taylor… Escala." Christian squeezes me tightly, sighs loudly and Taylor gives him a nod and his usual sir and we pull off as the sun rises behind us, like a phoenix from the ashes.
We are standing in the elevator, just Ana and I. Taylor was smart and made some excuse about the car, staying behind. His loyalty sometimes takes me off guard, I know that I pay him well but still sometimes I think he would do it for free. I watch her in the reflection of the mirror, head down, brow furrowed, and the slump in her shoulders. She rocks her neck back and forth and I can hear it crack as a small moan falls from her lips. I still have this unrelenting need to cause her pain, to gain control but I can't muster up the want for it. In fact the opposite is true; I am horrified by the idea of causing her pain. But the image of that boy, Ana wrapped in his arms… I shake the idea out of my head halting the rage from building once again.
She yawns softly, covering her mouth and then without warning she rests her head on my shoulder. My body tenses at the touch, it is involuntary, and I can't help it. Right now I don't trust her and without that we have nothing. She looks up seeing the pained expression on my face and quickly stands up straight one again. Now it is my turn to watch the pain line the delicate features of her face. She looks so small standing next to me, so young. I forget that she is really just a baby, a newly birthed doe seeing the world for the first time, with long shaky legs.
Her confession today, took me by surprise. For someone so untouched, she has a past that has done more damage than I would have expected. But thinking on the bits I know, it starts to make sense. Her father dies when she is an infant, her mother is a magnet for the wrong kind of men that come and go. Ana damaged people are drawn to Ana, looking for help and reassurance, looking for a guide. But who guided her? Who held Ana when she was sad? Who helped her in times of trouble and stress? That is where this inner strength came from, her taciturn nature. It stemmed from her loneliness. So despite my raging anger I am trying to suppress and my acclimation to hurt feelings, I want to reassure her and let her see that she is not alone. That I am here, that I will be here.
"Ana… I…" She puts up her hands, and for a second I think she is going to cover her ears. Of course she doesn't but the quick motion stops my words.
"It's fine Christian… It's fine… I can't take anymore tonight." Her voice is small, and she looks exhausted. The doors open and she stumbles out of the elevator, removing her coat and tossing it on a nearby chair. She then removes her shoes and carries them with her. He pace quickens and then she is running and I can hear her sobs. I don't chase her. I can't, my pride won't allow it and I know she really does not want me to.
It's almost seven in morning, and I have gone twenty four hours without sleep. My limbs ache, my head is pounding and my soul is weary. I walk thru my apartment to my study, pouring myself a glass of scotch, drinking it quickly.
I make my way to my bedroom, the bright morning sun pouring through. I can hear Ana in the bathroom, the sound of water hitting the shower floor. I strip naked, no energy for clothing. I find the remote, press a few buttons and the shades draw closed cloaking the room in complete darkness. My body hits the cool sheets, but sleep won't find me. I know she is upset, I think I can almost hear her crying but I just ignore the pang in my chest and lay there.
She emerges from the bathroom after what feels like an eternity, the light from the bathroom illuminating her figure. She is wrapped in my robe, her hair in a knot on the top of her head. She looks over in my direction, thinking I am asleep and then quietly pulls open a drawer, pulls something out and returns to the bathroom closing the door once again.
Minutes later she appears again, but she quickly turns off the light and I can hear her footsteps walking away from me and the door knob turning.
"Ana, come to bed…" I bellow out, not wanting to sleep without her. Shocked by the sheer panic I feel at the thought.
"I wasn't sure if you would want me here." She sits on the edge of the bed and I sit up and pull her back, wrapping her in my arms.
"Even when I am angry I want you Ana." I press my lips to the back of her neck and then pull the tee-shirt off her shoulder, kissing her soft flesh. She lets out a small sigh and wiggles closer to me.
"Good night Christian…" Sleep is the last thing on my mind and all I can think about is my mouth on Ana's clit, her taste, her smell. All I can think about is making her come; her fingers fisted in my hair and then when she thinks she can't take another second of pleasure, my pounding on my cock inside of her. That is all I can think about. I run my hands down her body, grabbing at her breast giving it a firm squeeze. She winces and I realize that I have hurt her.
"Don't… I'm… getting my period…" Well that explains the excessive crying and mood swings. I chuckle in her ear, I can't see her blush but I know she is.
"Well the best thing for that… is this baby…" I push my fingers past her panties and slowly ease them inside of her; she gasps and wraps her hands around my wrist, trying to pull me away. Her small resistance excites me and then her surrender as she finally gives up and I feel her clench around me, grinding her hips. She is saying my name over and over between breathy moans and then taking me by surprise she reaches forward, opening the drawer to the nightstand and pulls out a condom, tearing it open with her teeth.
"Here…" She turns her head back and passes it to me. Reading my mind she wiggles out of my grasp and gets on all fours on the bed, her ass in the air. I kneel behind her, running my hands down her back and then over her ass, wanting to spank her. I yank down her panties and the force startles her. I lift my twitching palm back and slap her as hard as my conscious will allow. She cries out and her body clenches as I slam into her, stilling as she quivers around me.
"Ana, this is going to be for my pleasure not yours…" Without any further warning I pull out and surge into her again, over and over. She cries out and grabs on to the rough wood of my headboard for support. I can feel the shift inside as her orgasm starts to build and her arousal is seeping on to my thighs. This is how I will punish her. This is what I will deny her. I feel the power returning to my body as I pull out leaving her empty and bereft. My cock is pulsing, the thick veins throbbing as I pump my hand over and over exploding into the condom. It was not nearly as powerful as it would have been inside of Ana, but it was more important to prove my point.
I roll over back on to my side of the bed, peel off the full condom and toss it in the bin beside me. I have got to get the fucking doctor in her and tend to Ana. This condom shit has got to stop. I look over at Ana and she is lying with her knees to her chest, still panting. I know that her pussy is not only sore but wanting and I can't help but smile at the thought.
"Ana, we will talk more when we wake up…ok…"
"Yes… Sir…" Her voice is dripping with sarcasm and I know she is pissed at me. I pulled her body to mine and she resists only for a second before she relaxes against me. I pull the blanket up around us and in a few short minutes I can hear her lulled breath as she sleeps.
