Hello everyone reading!

Just a few things... I want to thank you all this is far and away my most followed story! I am having a very hard time responding to all the PM's and reviews for this and my other stories and I miss talking with all of you. Right now I have 180+ PM's that I still have not responded to, if you are in that lot I am very sorry and I am still working on it. Thank you all for your reviews, they are really the reason I have taken this story as far as I have.

Also, if you have a questions please find me on Tumblr at perhapsperhapsperhaps50 or Facebook at PerhapsX3

Fan Fiction is great for posting stories and reviews but for the questions you are sending via PM it is hard to respond and many of them are similar. Tumblr is a place where I can answer the bulk questions in a public forum. I also post photos, updates, links to my Pinterest with boards for each story etc... it is very interactive and much easier for me to talk to you guys.

Also the next two chapters of this story after this one are huge and I hope to post them nest week... So look for that!

Thank you again for reading and reviewing and I hope to see you on Tumblr or Facebook!

XOXO PPP


Leaving Christian was harder than I ever thought it would be. It took a strength that I didn't even know I had but ultimately it was the best thing to do. It was the only thing to do because I was getting lost in love. I was lost in the hope and dream of us, the idea that I could save him, the rush I felt every time he looked at me. I was lost in the man that he was and the man I created in mind. I was lost in the couple we were and the couple I hoped we would one day become.

In such a short period time we fell in love, not the kind of love that will fade away over time. We fell in forever love; the most dangerous kind because forever is a very long time, even longer when you are as young I as am.

This is the kind of love that my mother always warned me about, the kind of love that changes you and shapes you and can break you just easily. I think about my mom and hope the kind of love she had with my birth father. Maybe that is why she is still searching for love after all these years, chasing the feeling she felt with him.

I needed some space and some time to get back to who I was before him. I wanted to get back to my core, the Ana Steele that was trying to figure out how to take on this crazy world and make myself a place in it. I needed to figure out how to love him and still be me amongst the crazed frenzy that always seems to surround us.

There was so much to contend, so many walls and barriers, feeling and emotions. Christian's sorted past full of women like Leila and all the others that were contracted to please him but love him. Then there was Elena who has yet to truly reveal herself but I believed to be the core of his destruction. His birth mother and the man who branded Christian beautiful mind and body with scars that will never truly heal My limited past was rearing its ugly head too; Jack Hyde and his evil looming, watching and waiting for a moment to strike. Jose and me and whatever crossed wires got in the way of our friendship.

Even the good things get in the way; his family, Olivia and our growing attachment, his empire and all the stress and worry it generates along with dollar bills. It was all too much, the good the bad mixing and blurring until it all becomes – Grey.

So I did what I do…I left. Not too far and I took Kate with me but I ran. I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't think or breathe and I wanted to get off the rollercoaster that was Christian Grey. The up and the down over and over made me dizzy, it made me weak in the knees and I didn't want to fall. Even if I knew he would always be there to catch me I wanted to stand on my own. I needed to stand on my own.

He insisted that we stay in a small hotel a few minutes from his parents place. Taylor had done a full sweep and deemed it safe and secure. There had been a shift in Taylor since that day in the kitchen, a break in their bond and I fear that it will never mend. Gail and I have grown closer and in a way she has become the mother that I have always craved - Loving, kind, and steady. She told me that Taylor wanted to quit and go work for some guy in New York named Gideon Cross that has been trying to pilfer him out from Christian for years. She convinced him not to but even I can sense Taylor's discontent.

Kate and I checked in under different names and as sisters. Alice and Kathy Taylor. We keep calling Taylor dad much to his chagrin and faux annoyance but he really is that father figure to me and I know that he likes it. Sawyer was assigned to our "detail" and things were going well, he keeps his distance and does not try to manage us too much. Kate and I can't help but tease him about his love life and his hair, really whatever we can. He loving calls us AK47, and wakes us at four in the morning as payback for our "treachery". Sometimes he really is a jerk.

So five days in the hotel have felt like a vacation, an oasis in the desert. It was Friday and I was feeling uncertain about thing with Christian and I. We saw each other every morning when Taylor came to pick me up for work but he was cold and distant but that was probably my fault I had pulled away from him all week. Our sentences were clipped our physical proximity was as far as the limo would allow. We had lunch together a few times in his office, I read and he was on his cell texting, there was no much to say but nothing to say at the same time. I would ask about him about his mother and his past but the only thing he would really open up about was his business. We dinner with the family too, but most of my time was spent with Olivia and at the end of the night I would go back to the hotel alone. I don't know why I am uninterested in having sex with him right now. The last time we were together was amazing; the best ever even despite Elliott's comedic intrusion but I feel like all the sex clouds my good judgment and I need to see clearly. I was not kidding when I told him all those months ago that I couldn't think when he was touching me. So I have been focusing on work and Olivia and getting to know Christian, really know him. Asking questions and really hearing the answers.

I hated to admit how little I really knew about this man I gave myself so wholly to, I realized that the moment he ordered me to terminate our would have been pregnancy. I knew he was not ready for a child in our present but up until that moment I believed in the possibility of one or maybe two in our future. Now I was not so sure and I began to weigh my love for him versus the love I hoped to have one day with my children. I can't imagine the state of us if I would have been pregnant; the thought keeps me up at night.

I got into the office early; the week had been crazy with Peyton first project launching. It was so exciting to be on the front lines of a project like this. She had found a local writer through an agent friend of hers. The book was a revelation and I couldn't put it down, the story of a woman in a coma and her inner voice as she tries to pull herself out of it while reflecting on her life. It's called Through Yonder Window Breaks and I am proud that this will be Grey Publishing's first book.

Peyton was making a trip to New York on Monday to meet with the author and for a conference. She needed all hands on deck. I was working long impossible hours but the time flew. It was wonderful working for a woman who wanted to teach me, I didn't have to worry about any lines being crossed or if she was looking down my blouse. I didn't have to feel unsafe or unsure; I knew that my work and my dedication were the only things she was looking for.

I was sitting at my desk sipping my afternoon cup of tea when his email came through. It was the first one I had received all week but truth be told I didn't send him one either. I felt that familiar feeling of butterflies in my belly and took a moment to calm those feelings before I opened his message.

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Surprise

Date: April 23 2013 04:23

To: Anastasia Steele

Ana,

I know things have been strained between us this week and I am so sorry for all that has happened. I think we need a break from all the crazy so I have a surprise for you. I think you are really going to like what I have planned for the weekend. I will pick you up tonight at the hotel around eight. Pack light bag for a casual weekend.

Christian Grey

CEO and trying to be Best Billionaire Boyfriend in all the Land

Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

From: Ana Steele

Subject: Surprise?

Date: April 23 2013 04:33

To: Christian Grey

Mr. Grey,

You know I love surprises but can I get a small hint as to where we are going?

And I am sure Sir Richard Branson is a wonderful billionaire boyfriend too.

Best,

Ana "Lucky and She Knows It" Steele

Administrative Assistant to Peyton Forbes

Grey Publishing

Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Nice Try

Date: April 23 2013 04:35

To: Anastasia Steele

Ana,

If I give you a hint it won't be a surprise. If you are worried about packing you need jeans, sneakers and things of that nature.

And Branson ain't got nothing on me baby…

Sir Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

From: Ana Steele

Subject: Surprise?

Date: April 23 2013 04:40

To: Christian Grey

Sir Grey,

Stubborn as ever, fine I will pack like a lumberjack. See you at eight.

Have you been knighted now?

Best,

Ana Steele

Administrative Assistant to Peyton Forbes

Grey Publishing

Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

Some time alone away from everything was just what we needed, a break with each other. I could not keep the goofy grin off my face as I read and re-read his emails over and over. Peyton called me into her office around five, which was not unusual and I plopped down in the chair before her desk with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.

"What has you all shiny and happy Steele?"

"Christian is talking me away for the weekend." She smiles broadly and leans back in her chair.

"And where is prince un-Charming taking you?" I can't help but giggle at her nickname for Christian, and it suits him.

"Don't know, it's a surprise."

"Hmm, I surprise eh, well make sure he has you back by eight a.m. on Monday because you are coming to New York with me."

"What?"

"You heard me - I need you there, for my sanity of nothing else." I feel this flutter of panic in my chest and it must read on my face. "Ana, it's going to be fine. I know you had a situation with Hyde in New York…"

"Christian told you?"

"Not the details just that something happened."

"He is not going to like me going on a trip."

"Probably not, but like I told you that very first day you work for me."


So it fucking sucks that Ana is staying at a fucking hotel when she should be with me, I know I have only myself to blame for the cluster fuck my life has become but a week without sex is cruel and unusual. I don't know if she is just mad at me or just not in the mood but when I try and touch her she pulls away and all she wants to do is talk. She wants to talk about my birth mother and Elena and my subs and Leila. She wants to talk about my business deals and Olivia and Grey Publishing. She won't talk about putting her engagement ring back on, or if we are actually going to get married, she won't talk about coming back to my parent's house either. I haven't even told her about the house that I bought – for us mind you and it is burning a hole in my fucking brain. I mean I already have the decorator working her magic and it will be ready in a matter of weeks and Ana still has no clue.

I'm hoping and praying that Flynn is right and doing some normal things together will stabilize our relationship. He said that the whirlwind that occurred has taken us both off balance and we need to find a new normal. Normal is not really my wheelhouse but I am going to give it the old college try, only I dropped out of college. Fuck.

I sat for a few days trying to figure out how to be normal, I mean what the hell do I know about normal relationships. Then I remembered something that Ana had said to me about how I had never met her mother or father, meeting the parents is a normal rite of relationship passage, I googled it.

I called up Ray Steele much to his surprise, we had never spoken and there was a moment when I was not even sure he knew of my existence. It was a relief when he called me the fiancée. I asked if Ana and I could come up and spend the weekend with him and he happily agreed. Ray even liked the idea of surprising Ana. I arranged for the Charlie Tango to be up and ready to go, Taylor would drive ahead and meet us there. I wanted to show Ana Mount Rainier before we got to Montesano; the view from the sky was simply breathtaking. I know, not really a "normal" thing to do but I don't want to waste the chance for her to see it as the sun begins to set.

I got to her hotel around eight and of course I have a key, so does Elliott for that matter. I make my way to what Ana is using as her bedroom and my heart stops in my chest. Ana is in her bra with her back to me sitting at the edge of the bed, her arms outstretched behind her supporting her weight. Her legs are wide open and from my angle all I can see in Kate strawberry blond head between her thighs and everything goes hazy after that. I have always felt that Kate had more than just feelings of friendship for Ana but never in a million years did I think this would be going on. Ana is breathing heavy, I can see the rise and fall of her shoulder blades and she is moaning softly.

"Ana, just relax…"

"I am trying Kate…"

"It's really fucking deep, does it hurt?" Ana lets out a sharp moan and despite what I am watching it goes straight to my cock.

"Ahhh…Fuck…Kate it's running down my leg. Quick…"

"Oh baby… let me kiss it and make it better." My stomach twists in knots. Over the years I have had my fair share of three-ways but watching the woman I love betray me with her best friend – again is just too much to take. I turn on my heel to leave but then Ana cries out and clenches the bed cover in her fists and a surge of anger runs through me followed by an equally powerful surge of lust.

"Owww… don't kiss it Kate… blow…" I can see Kate's head bobbing and hear the release of air as she blows. Ana's entire body tightens and I can't see her face but I know she is biting her lip.

"Damn it Kate, you just can't poke at it like that, it hurts.

"Ana, do you want me to get Elliott, he is better at stuff like this then I am?" All the air leaves my body…What the fuck Elliott!

"No… You're doing fine just keep going. Christian will be here any minute." Oh, nice to be remembered. This is the last fucking straw. I am done with the love shit, done. All loving Ana has done is made me bat shit crazy. No wonder she has not been fucking me… she has been fucking Kate and maybe even Elliott for all I know… and if she thinks…

"Ana, I think you might need stitches."

Wait, what? Stitches…

"No… Just put the band-aid on. Chris has a surprise for me and I don't want to spoil it because I can't walk two feet without falling over."

Oh thank Christ… Ana fell… she is not fucking Kate or Elliott or Kate and Elliott. I feel my heart start to beat again and the feeling of anger is replaced with the feeling of foolishness. I feel like I am trapped, I am not sure if I should make my presence known or leave and come back.

"I feel like this is my fault… I make you try those heels on."

"This is your fault! Why you would make me try on five inch heels I will never know!"

"Well you said that you and Christian have not had any sexy time… I though the heels would help."

"We are so beyond heels Kate…" Yeah, I am staying right where I am. "I mean, we need trust and compromise and respect. Sex and heels are not going to solve our problems." Ana stands up and limps towards the chair pulling a dress over her head. She turns and sees me stating in the hallway and she smiles broadly, and I can actually feel how happy she is to see me.

"Baby what happened?" I make my way to her, resting my hands on her hips and sit her on the bed as I inspect Kate's handy work.

"I fell, in heels… right into the edge of the glass coffee table."

"It was my fault Christian; I made her try on the damn heels."

Normally I love any opportunity to put Kate in her place but right now I am so fucking grateful that she was not finger fucking my girlfriend I let her off with a harsh look. I kneel in front of her and gently peel away the freshly applied bandages. I inspect the wounds and rest my hands on her warm thighs. It had been a week since my hands of touched her like this and I can feel the current run from my body to hers.

"It's deep baby and you are going to have a bruise but I don't think you need stitches. Does it hurt badly?"

"It's fine. I am used to it. Just give me a minute and we can go." She gently removes my hands from her thighs and walks to the bathroom closing the door behind her. All I can do is watch her walk away.