Hello readers! I know it has been a little while since I have posted. I have had some personal stuff going on and some really bad writers block. To those of you who reached out to me via Pm and review urging me on, I think you. If not for your continued interest I don't know if I would have continued.
I do plan to continue with all of my stories as long as the interest is still there so please keep reviewing, it really keeps us writers going. You have no idea.
I am hoping to post every Sunday around 9:00 at least one of the stories I am working on. That is the goal.
For those of you reading darkness and white... A few weeks ago there were some stories stolen and being sold on Smashwords and other sites. I am getting to the point in the story where it could be considered an ending. It is not, it is only the beginning for me. So i have been hesitant to update. I am working on a website where I could have more control and maybe a password protected access for readers I know and trust. Or I am going to self pub. That being said I am working on a chapter and hope to post it on FF very soon. I will not leave you hanging, I promise.
So here is the next chapter of Fifty Ways, its a big one... I am not going to lie. Everything changes after this chapter... So hold on to your hats and PLEASE review...
Thank you all!
XOXO PPP
Kate looks up at me with a shit eating grin as she crosses her arms across her chest.
"So, where you taking our girl?" There is a hint of distain in her voice and I yet again dream of a ball gag in her mouth.
"My girl Miss. Kavanagh. Mine. And where I am taking her is none of your concern." She takes a few steps until she is standing before me and I am yet again impressed by her balls.
"You know, I am trying to like you Christian. I really am. I love your brother and my best friend is love with you. Somehow you and I are going always be thrown together. But you make it so fucking hard. You know. Ana, she's not like us. She has never had to endure. She has never has to hide and pretend. She has a pure spirit. I know you look at me and you see some privileged bitch, and I am but there a lot more that you don't see. I know you. I see you and if you think I will allow you to hurt her again you're very wrong. She is my family, the only person who has ever really given a shit about me with the exception of my brother Ethan so be careful with her. Since the day she met you I have never seen her happier but every day since has been a roller coaster and she deserves better. You have the power to give her better. Don't make jaded and sad and one of us."
"I have no intention of that Kate. I love her."
"I know you do and that is what keeps me up at night. I would hate to see how you treat people you don't love."
With that she turns on her heel and leaves the room and I am left feeling like there is more to Kate than I could ever imagine. There was an innate sadness in her eyes as she spoke. Maybe it had been there all along and I just missed it, blinded by the fake smile that is always plastered on her face. Maybe her distain for me is more then just on the surface and she too shares in a dark soul. I send a quick text to Welsh to dig into her background a little deeper and see what he can find.
"Sir, I am ready if you are." Ana reappears and I am relieved to see that her smile is genuine. I fucking love it when she calls me Sir. I relax slightly taking her and her bag handing it to Taylor as we make our way out the door. He gives me an odd look and I know something is wrong, very very wrong.
"What is it Taylor?" He looks over at Ana as if he is asking permission to speak. I nod, there is no use keeping anything from her, she always finds out in the end.
"We have a lock on Hyde. He is in a hotel in Nevada. The dumb-ass used his credit card to book a room." Ana clutches my hand the moment Hyde's names leaves Taylor's mouth and I wish there was something I could do to take away her fear.
"Good, send a team there immediately."
"A team is already in route. I just wanted to keep you up to date."
"See baby in a matter of time this will all be over. Come, we want to hurry if we want to chase the dawn."
Christian is unusually quiet as we take the elevator up to the roof of Escala. It has been weeks since I have been there and I can feel Jack's presence. All I can think about is poor Gail and how helpless she felt, how scared and it sends a chill through my body. I also think that it is odd after all these weeks of hiding that Jack would be so careless and use his credit card. He must either be broke or crazy or both. Christian must sense my discomfort because he wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me close into the crook of his arm. I fit there perfectly, as if his body was carved out and created just to hold me. I peer up at him and my eyes lock with his. He smiles sadly, his pain so close to the surface and wish I could understand why he is the way he is. I know his past for the most part and have been able to put together the scraps he has shared with me but I wish I understood why he thought so little of himself. I wish I understood why he thought so much of me. My subconscious has been a first rate bitch these past weeks telling me over and over again that I am just not good enough. I exhale loudly and he presses his lips to the top of my head and gently rubs my back.
"What's wrong Ana?"
"I just… I mean, it's strange being back here at Escala. It used to feel like home but now…"
"I know I am putting it on the market."
"Really?" He nods once and I feel guilty. "What about your playroom?"
"What about it? I can build another or not at all. I am not sure if I even need one anymore. We don't need to talk about this now. Come."
The elevator doors open and I am struck not only of the amazing view of Seattle but the cool breeze. I shiver and cling to Christian as he leads me towards the helicopter that he lovingly calls Charlie Tango. Taylor loads up our bags and to my shock he gives us a quick nod, says his farewell and turns back towards the elevator.
"Wait, I thought Taylor was flying us." Christian smiles proudly and I can see a hint of the boy he once was in his eye.
"No baby, it's all me tonight." He jumps up to the helicopter with such ease and turns extending his hand to me. My knee is stinging at the smallest movement and I wince as I bend it. His face contorts watching me in pain and before I know it I am somehow lifted up under my arms and gently placed beside him. He chuckles and smirks as he fastens me into an elaborate harness and I can almost read his dirty mind.
"I thought we could take a little trip over Mount Rainer before I take you to your surprise."
The view is amazing, breathtaking even as we fly over Mount Rainer National Park. The rainy spring has made everything a bright emerald green punctuated by the still blue waters of lakes and rocky rich grey terrain. There is a silence in the sky, and I understand why he likes it here. Why he chose this as his hobby and escape. I have never been in a helicopter before and despite all my fears of heights I have never felt safer. He looks at such ease as he flies; there is a peace in him that I have never seen before, a childlike glee and I see him in an entirely new way. He left all the darkness that weights him down on the ground and up here he is free. I relax in my seat despite the harness that is fastened way to tight and just listen to his soothing voice come through the headset explaining not only what he is doing but why.
He is in total control and I can't help but wonder what it would be like to feel in control like he is now.
I can't image how it must feel to know emphatically what to do and how to do it, without fear or doubt or second guessing. I have never had a single moment like that in my life. Even the smallest choices are rife with insecurity and indecision. All the things I could have done differently should have done differently. I wonder if he would be open to me taking flying lessons, so maybe I could understand.
"If you look over your shoulder you will see the top of the summit."
"It's amazing… I wish we could stand on the top of it."
"One day we can… maybe not the top but we could certainly go hiking if you like."
"I would like very much. My dad and I used to go all the time when I was younger." I feel this pang in my chest, I really miss my father. I haven't seen him in months and we barely even speak on the phone. I have been so wrapped up in work and Christian that everything else just fades away.
I always thought I would end up with a man like my father. A strong blue collar guy, outdoorsy, jack of all trades, fix what's broken kinda man. I never saw myself with a CEO Master of the Universe type. I always wanted a quiet settled life, a few kids, a small house filled with happy memories. I wanted the life I didn't have when I was growing up. Maybe that is why I feel hesitant to marry Christian. With him life will never be quiet or settle and children are seemingly a hard limit.
"Consider it done baby. I will see if Elliott wants to come along. He loves the outdoors… Mia not so much… and Kate…Well I don't know if I can picture Kate in the great outdoors."
"No, Elliott will have to bring her kicking and screaming." He nods, chuckles and shifts slightly in his seat. It is only then that I notice his rather large erection and I can't help but giggle.
"Does flying always have this effect on you Christian?" I point in the direction of his junk and he smiles.
"Only when you are here with me baby."
"Oh yeah, none of your other subs made you hard in the cock pit?" He face turns serious and I know I misspoke.
"You're the only person I have every brought up here, aside from security." I can see the wall come back up around him, and the air has cooled substantially between us. Why is always like this, hot and then cold, black and then white. I just don't understand. I sit there silently watching the landscape change from green, to blue, to brown to grey. The sun begins to set and the sky burns with a warm red glow and I can feel the anger rise up inside of me.
"I wish I knew where were we going?" I had this gnawing sense of angst knowing that I would have to be back in the office on Monday morning to fly out to New York with Peyton. I dreaded telling him but I wanted to get it out of the way and he was already angry. "I have to be back by Monday."
"Yes, I am aware. But I am sure Peyton could live without you for a day or two if we decide to stay."
"Actually, um, well… She asked me to go to New York with her on Monday… for the conference and to meet that new author I was telling you about." I can see his shoulders tense and then all I hear is his steady breathing in my ears.
"And you just thought to tell me about this now?"
"I just found out this morning."
"And will you be seeing him when you are in New York?" For a moment I have no idea what he is talking about and then it hits me. Jose.
"Well I hadn't thought about it actually, with everything else going on Jose is not really a priority but yes I would like to see him and smooth things over. We haven't spoken since that night…"
"Ah yes that night! The night you kissed him before my very eyes."
"Please don't do this. I am going to NY for work, okay. Work. If I meet Jose for a drink I am sure you will send one of your security goons to track my every move so…"
"Well you are not going so there will be no need to send my goons…"
"I am going, this is my job Christian. My career my future and I won't let your insecurity get in the way of that!"
"My insecurity, that is fucking rich considering you are the reason I feel the way I do! And I am the reason you have this job in the first place!"
"Well I was wondering how long it would take for you to throw that in my face. Fine then - I quit."
"Don't be stupid."
"I am not being stupid; I am sick and tired of being under your thumb for every facet of my life. You don't play fair, you never have and I don't like this game anymore."
"This is not a game. This is life, my life our life and you are hell bent on making it an uphill battle the entire way. I don't want you in the same state as that little fucker no less the same city or hotel or bar. How would you feel if I was meeting on of my exes for dinner?"
"First, Jose is not an ex, he is a friend. Second, you do meet an ex for dinner and business meetings and god only knows what else and I have said nothing even though it guts me. I let it be because Elena is your only friend but don't think for one minute think it does not bother me. She is the woman who essentially raped you for years and you refuse to see the truth. Third, nothing is going to happen with Jose. Nothing. What happened that night was a mistake. A mistake I have more than paid for and I will not live the rest of my life under martial law because of it."
"God Damn it Ana!" His voice roars in my ear but he goes no further, turning his full attention to the dials on the dash before him. I can smell something burning and see a thick black smoke in the window beside me. The helicopter begins to buck and spin. His entire body is tight as he maneuvers and tries to set the helicopter straight. I can see a look on Christian's face that I have never seen before. Fear, pure unadulterated fear. Everything goes silent as I watch him maneuver to no avail. My heart begins to race as I pull at the harness wanting to be free.
"Baby, look at me…Take a deep breath and look at me." My eyes are fixed on his and for a moment I am happy and he says the worst thing I have ever heard in my life.
"We are going to crash." He extends his hand and I place mine in his. He gives is a firm squeeze and I am reminding of that pull I felt the first moment he touched me so many months ago. He releases my hand I place it firmly back on the steering. "I need you to stay as calm as possible. Both engines are in flames. I am going to do what I can to get us down safely but no matter what happens… I need you to know how much I fucking love you. All this bull shit and fighting doesn't matter. I love you okay. The first moment I saw you was the best of my life and every moment since then has been a god dammed gift." I can feel the tears begin to well up in my eyes but somehow I don't feel fear just a numb calm. "Nod if you understand me." I nod once unable to form a single word. I grasp the arm rests and close my eyes, letting the hot tears trickle down over my cheeks as I hear the rush of trees and leaves brushing against the helicopter. I open them the moment before we hit the ground and we lock eyes, all I can do is smile and tell him that I love him too and then everything goes black.
