There are yet again some flashbacks in this chapter. Here is where we travel back to: Chapter 11: No One is Alone ~ Chapter 33: A Little Risk ~ Chapter 26: The Reveal ~ Chapter 47: Snape's Worst Memory ~ Chapter 68: Your Person

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!"

Sirius felt as though the wind was nearly knocked out of him as he felt his magic surge through him with more strength than he had ever felt before, even when he transformed into Padfoot. It seemed to burst through his very core, rushing down through his arm to his fingertips and finally through his tightly gripped wand, which exploded into a blinding light. It took a moment to fully form its shape, but when it did, Sirius could do nothing but laugh.

It was a dog. An exact twin of his own canine self in everything but in color, it yipped happily before running around in a circle and bowing into a playful stance, silver tail wagging enthusiastically.

The rest of the class was buzzing with excitement, cheering, and clapping Sirius on the back to congratulate him. James, Remus, and Peter were all but screaming praise over everyone else.

"Excellent, Mr. Black! Really, very impressive!" Furgal proudly patted his shoulder. "Twenty points to Gryffindor. Now then, see if you can manage to control it. It's one thing to conjure your Patronus, but now you've got to send it in the right direction. See if you can make it go over towards my desk."

Sirius grinned proudly and gave a little shrug. That didn't seem so hard. He held his wand up and the Patronus – which had been scratching at its ear with its back paw – looked up at him and cocked its head to the side.

"Merlin, it's like seeing double…" James muttered to Remus and Peter who both chuckled and nodded in agreement.

Sirius waved his wand, trying to send the Patronus off to the front of the classroom, but the dog merely pounced back down into its playful stance, watching Sirius' wand as if he were going to start a game of fetch. Sirius frowned in frustration and flicked his wand again, but the dog only barked impatiently and whined, causing James, Peter, and Remus to roar with laughter and the rest of the class to giggle with less informed amusement.

Furgal chuckled. "Not to worry. As we discussed, a Patronus is a representation of our very soul. If Mr. Black were really in danger, his Patronus would no doubt be as effective as even a most experienced wizard's. However, with no important task to put its focus on, it seems to be a little…frivolous."

The Patronus had begun chasing its tail and Sirius' cockiness died completely, his cheeks turning red with embarrassment at the Professor's jab to his own attention span.

"Keep working on it, Black. Everyone else, back to work as well!"

Sirius huffed, running a hand through his hair as he watched the silly mutt shake its fur.

"Now you know how we feel trying to get Padfoot to come in after a game of fetch," Remus muttered teasingly, lips close to Sirius' ear and a hand resting on his lower back. "Sure you're not just pretending to have a rough go at it so Furgal will come and assist you?"

Sirius smiled, feeling slightly more at ease. "Very funny. What about you, babe? Do I need to drag you out into the hall and give you a new happy memory to work off of?"

Remus rolled his eyes, but his hand dropped lower to slip into Sirius' back pocket. "Maybe later, if I don't manage by the end of class."

—-

There were a few more successful conjurings after Sirius'. Dorcas had produced a sparrow that was swooping gracefully around the class and just out of reach of Marlene's lynx.

James was becoming more visibly frustrated with his ill attempts once the first Slytherin managed theirs.

"Whatever," James grumbled in annoyance as he moved closer to where Remus was standing to get away from the gloating Slytherin. "It's a bloody Aardvark, for Godric's sake. How lame is that?" His hand shot up to mess his hair a bit and he sighed. "I didn't think it would be so difficult to find a happy memory…"

Remus didn't have to search too hard for his happiest memories. He always kept those readily available at the very front of his mind to ward off the darkness that lurked within his blood. It wasn't the strength of his memory that was holding him back; it was his self-doubt.

"We don't care, you know," Peter said quietly. "We don't see you any differently just because you're a-"

"Just because you have a furry little problem," James interrupted. Remus felt like his world was crumbling down. Tears were burning his eyes and threatening to fall. James' hazel eyes grew twice in size; he jumped off the bed to Remus' side, followed closely by Peter.

"Y-you don't have to be friends with me anymore…" Remus whispered, fighting hard to keep the tears from falling.

"Don't be silly," James said sternly. "This doesn't change a thing. We want to help you. We're your friends, no matter what, remember?"

A Patronus was supposed to be a protection against a dark force, and although a Patronus Charm was not a defense to be used against a Werewolf specifically, Remus had to wonder if a so-called Dark Creature would be able to conjure one up at all.

"No! Screw you, Remus. Godric! You have no idea how much I want to strangle you every time you say this stupid crap about yourself or how no one will ever want you! I hate it! I hate hearing you call yourself a monster because you're not! You're… you're kind and funny and smart and… Merlin frickin beautiful… and you deserve someone who is going to love every single part of you, including the wolf! So just stop telling yourself that no one's ever going to love you because, for Merlin's sake, I love you! I've loved you for as long as I can remember but you're too full of self-pity to even notice-"

Sirius was right. If he kept allowing everyone else's negative opinion of what he was get him down on himself, he would never prove them wrong. He was stronger than that. Better than that. He was worth more than his own self-pity and he had friends who would do anything to prove that to him.

"Bloody hell…" he whispered, voice cracking as he felt tears stinging his eyes. "What did you… how… why would you…?"

The stag and the rat changed back into James and Peter and they both stumbled for a moment, clearly not used to the sensations of changing back and forth just yet.

"We did it for you, Moony," James said, once he gathered his balance.

"So we could come with you during the full moon and you won't have to be alone," Peter added, actually taking a seat on the ground to stop his head from spinning.

The dog barked happily and bounded over to Remus, jumping up to put his paws on his shoulders and effectively knocking them both to the ground where he began to lick Remus' face sloppily. Remus couldn't help the half laugh, half sob that escaped him. The dog's form began to shift on top of him and he instead found himself pinned under a happily grinning Sirius Black.

"I promised you," Sirius said quietly. "I said I'd find a way so you wouldn't be alone."

He was not his curse. He was not a monster. The Wolf was not who he was inside. He had friends who made sure of that.

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!"

He could hear his blood rushing in his ears as it pumped through his veins and his body tingled with powerful force as an omnipotent light shot out of the end of his wand, so bright he actually had to shield his eyes.

Just as they had when the others had been successful, all of the students stopped what they were doing to gaze in amazement at the newest addition to what was slowly becoming quite a menagerie in the classroom. A few gasps were heard and someone muttered something about not expecting something that impressive from someone as bland and average as Lupin.

Remus opened his eyes and immediately felt the color drain from his face. His wand fell from his hand and clattered onto the floor and he clenched his fists and his jaw tightly, using every ounce of self-control to not scream as he glared, positively seething into the calm serene eyes of the large, silver wolf.

Somewhere off in the distance, he could hear Professor Furgal and several students congratulating him, but their voices were muffled by the pure rage that was burning within him.

No, no, no, no…

Before he knew what he was doing, he turned and kicked the closest thing to him –a desk– and marched out of the classroom, only vaguely aware of Sirius, James, and Peter calling after him.

Once he was out of the classroom he didn't stop. He had no idea where he was going; he just knew he had to get away. His mind had started to panic.

Now you've done it. You couldn't just play it cool like it didn't matter. Now everyone's going to wonder why you made such a big deal and they'll know! They'll know that you're a-

"Remus!" Sirius was calling after him. He could hear the other boy's footsteps quickening to catch up but he kept going. "Remus, wait!"

"Go away, Sirius."

"I will not! Would you just stop for a moment and let me talk to you?"

"No."

"Oh, for Merlin's sake." Sirius' hand finally reached his shoulder and he found himself being shoved forcefully behind the tapestry of Andros the Invincible and up against the stone wall. He briefly met Sirius' eyes but then looked quickly at the ground, convinced that if he kept eye contact too long with his Mate, his walls would crash and the volcano of emotions building up inside of him would erupt all over the corridor.

"Remus, look at me," Sirius commanded gently. Remus refused, keeping his eyes firmly downcast and his jaw tightly set. Sirius' hand came up to cup his chin and then Sirius' lips were pressed softly against his own.

"You're not a monster."

A strangled whine escaped the back of his throat and he slumped forward slightly into Sirius' arms. "This just proves it, Sirius! Can't you see? The Patronus is supposed to represent who you are at your core and there it is! You can't tell me that that isn't who I am, Sirius! It's right there, plain as anything!" He rested his head on the shorted boy's shoulder just as Sirius' arms wound themselves around him.

"Cut the shit, Remus," Sirius sighed, using one hand to stroke soothingly up and down his back. Remus made an indignant sound and he knew that Sirius was rolling his eyes. "Yes, you're right, your patronus was a wolf. A wolf, Remus. Not a werewolf."

"It doesn't-"

"Shush, I'm not finished." Sirius pulled away slightly, gripping both of Remus' shoulders firmly and holding his gaze. "Your patronus is a wolf because that's what you are, Remus. Intelligent and powerful and protective…It's not because you're cursed and it's not because you're a monster. It's because you're you. Everything that your patronus represents is everything I love about you."

Remus felt his face grow warm and the corner of his lips tugged up involuntarily. He forced a laugh and nudged his boyfriend with his elbow. "Mushy git…"

Sirius grinned, clearly satisfied with having cheered his boyfriend up. "Only for you, my love." He leaned in and kissed the corner of Remus' mouth repeatedly until he had no choice but to smile.

"Alright, alright…" Remus chuckled, gently shoving Sirius back. "You've made your bloody point." He sighed deeply and rubbed his hands over his face. "Guess I've made a bloody fool of myself in there… shit, what must they all think?"

Sirius shook his head. "Furgal told the class that sometimes casting a spell as strong as a Patronus can really drain a wizard, especially if they aren't used to it. He said it was normal to feel overwhelmed and need a bit of a break." His hand found Remus' hand as they began to walk back to the classroom. "I told him I'd go and make sure you were alright. Here, you dropped this."

Remus smiled sheepishly and took his wand back. "Thanks… and thanks for… you know… everything." He squeezed Sirius' hand. "I love you."

Sirius squeezed his hand back. "I love you too, Moony."

—-

James was quickly moving from frustrated to outright furious.

This was just not right.

He was James Bloody Potter! He was Headboy! He was always the top of all of his classes with the highest marks and the quickest to learn, tied only with Sirius and Lily. He had never had so much trouble picking up a new spell or charm. He was an unregistered teenage animagus, for crying out loud!

"Maybe your happy memory isn't strong enough," Peter suggested, who wasn't having any better luck than James was. At least there was that. James would jump from the top of the astronomy tower if Peter got the hang of this before he did, though he did feel guilty for thinking that. Peter had plenty of skills of his own, but… well, he was no James Potter.

James growled, snatching his glasses off of his face and pinching the bridge of his nose. This shouldn't be so difficult! He had had a wonderful childhood with great parents and friends who had given him loads of happy memories to choose from but somehow both Sirius and Remus, who had been victims of horrible childhood trauma, had managed to find memories happy enough to produce their Patronuses while all James could do was blow mist out of his wand.

He didn't understand it.

What the bloody hell is my happiest memory?

Quidditch made him happy. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine himself on his broom, out on the quidditch pitch. He tried to feel the wind rushing through his hair and hear the crowd cheering. He tried to feel the adrenaline pumping through him. He was king of the bloody world when he was playing Quidditch. Nothing could possibly feel better than the first time he ever scored; the first time he brought the Gryffindor team to victory. Yes! He could do this! He could do anything!

"Expecto Patronum!" James groaned.

"Still no luck, eh Prongs?"

James huffed irritably and opened his eyes just as Sirius was perching himself on top of the desk beside him. James ruffled his hair a bit before shaking himself, trying to loosen up and relax. "I'm getting there, alright? It's fine. I'm fine." He forced a smile and nodded to Remus. "Alright, Moony?"

Remus smiled and nodded in return. "Yes. Sorry, just… well, you know. Wolf Wolf the Werewolf and his wolf patronus. Suppose I was just hoping for something more original than a terrible pun."

"At least you've got one at all," Peter said miserably. He had resigned himself from trying for the day and was reading over the chapter in their textbooks attempting to better understand the theory.

"You'll get there," Remus assured him gently. "Here, I'll help you with your wand movements, you're probably not following through correctly."

Remus and Peter moved to the back of the classroom where there was less pressure of everyone watching.

James took a deep breath and tried to put himself back into the right headspace, which was a difficult task when he could feel Sirius' eyes on him and hear the annoyingly rhythmic thumping of the other boy's heels on the wooden desk as he swung his legs.

James scowled. "Would you cut that out, Padfoot? You're distracting me."

"You're fun to watch when you're all frazzled. Your ego taking a hit, not being the best at something?" He could practically hear the stupid grin in Sirius' voice.

"If you don't stop being a prat, my new happy memory will be of me transfiguring my quill into a pair of scissors and chopping off your hair. Now shut it."

"Is that it, then? You haven't found the right memory"

James let out a heavy sigh and slumped against the desk Sirius was sitting on. "I don't know, mate. I've got plenty of great memories! I've got a really good life! I was happy as a Niffler in Gringotts just eating breakfast this morning!"

"I was a pretty good breakfast…" Sirius nodded sympathetically.

"I just…" James hesitated, twirling his wand between his fingers. "No offense, but you and Moony have had some pretty rotten luck in your lives. How come you two got this so quickly and I haven't?"

Sirius frowned, contemplating for a moment. "I think," he said slowly, "that might just be it right there."

James raised an eyebrow. "What? Right, where?"

"What you said," Sirius continued. "About how Moony and I have been through the wringer. Sort of makes the good memories better when all you've got for comparison is being bitten by a werewolf or having your mother use a torture curse on you, you know?"

James winced. "Right… sorry mate. I didn't mean to sound like a prat or anything." Sirius waved off the apology nonchalantly.

It made sense, the way Sirius had explained it, but it didn't make James feel any better. What if he was never able to conjure his Patronus because his life had just been too consistently good? That couldn't be, there was nothing in the text that said you need to have terrible memories to compare to the good ones. "What was your memory then? Wait, no. Don't tell me, it's some weird shit with you and Moony, isn't it? Shit, can I not do this because I'm bloody single?!"

Sirius nearly fell off the desk from laughing so hard. "Yeah, Prongs, that's it! You haven't had a good snog in a while and now you'll never master the Patronus charm- ow! Don't punch me, you're the one who said it!" He wiped tears of mirth from his eyes, smudging a bit of his eyeliner in the process. "No, you prat. It wasn't some 'weird shit with me and Moony.' In fact, I don't think it was just one thing at all. It was more like-"

But whatever it was, James didn't find out because Sirius, as well as most of the other students in the class, all stopped what they were doing to gasp as yet another student successfully cast their Patronus.

James rolled his eyes. "Merlin, do we have to bloody stop and stare every time someone does the damn thing?"

"James…" Sirius hissed. "James, look…"

"No, this is getting annoying now. It's just rubbing it into those of us who haven't gotten it-"

"Holy shit…" Remus muttered. "That's…" He and Peter both stopped practicing in the back to move slower to see, both of them with wide shocked eyes.

"Oh please, it can't be that impressive. I mean, what, had Mary got a Horntail or-"

"Beautifully done, Miss Evans!" Furgal's praise sounded above the rest of the noise in the class and James' head shot up, his eyes managing, as they always did, to instantly lock on Lily, who was standing tall with her wand raised and gazing with immense pride at a stunning, bright, silver doe.

It's a doe.

James felt his chest swell up with some sort of unknown emotion. Lily Evans - the girl he had been in love with probably from the moment he first saw her and she told him off for being a prat - had a doe Patronus. Her soul took the form of the animal that he himself transforms into.

Lily shook her head. "You think you're so funny, but you're nothing but an arrogant, bullying toerag! Leave him alone!"

"I will if you'll go out with me!" James said quickly without thinking. He'd curse himself for it later, he knew. Too late now. "Come on, Evans. Go out with me and I'll never lay wand on old Snivelly again."

Lily fumed. "I wouldn't go out with you if it were a choice between you and the giant squid!"

Alright, so he had been a prat. Things had improved between them though, they were even friends now!

"Lily, I'm sorry for acting like a conceited git. And for pestering you and…er… just acting like, as you so eloquently put it, an 'arrogant toerag'," he smirked as she tried and failed not to giggle. "I will try my best not to do that to you anymore," he held out his hand. "Truce?"

Lily cocked her head to the side, one eyebrow raised as she stared at his hand for a moment and considered him. She took it and they shook on it. Potter went to pull his hand away but Lily held on. "Wait," she smirked. "What about all of those obnoxious date invitations? That stops as well?"

James chuckled, a mischievous glint in his eye. "That, Miss Evans, I cannot promise you."

There was something between them and she felt it too, he had always known that.

"You're breaking up with me, aren't you?" James muttered, feeling his stomach drop as Mary gave him a sad little smile. She took a step towards him and reached out her hand for his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"You are a wonderful person, James, really. I'm glad we had this time together, but I think that time may be up, don't you?"

James didn't respond, he wasn't sure of what he was supposed to say. Should he fight with her to stay? Shouldn't that be what he wanted? That's what Sirius and Remus did whenever they had their ridiculous splits…

But this wasn't the same. He and Mary weren't Sirius and Remus, and to be completely honest, James didn't really want to fight.

Mary was still smiling though. "I'm not your person."

He frowned confusedly. "What?"

"Your person," Mary repeated. "Your soulmate, if you believe in that. I think you know that, James. I think everyone knows it… well, nearly everyone."

His person whose soul matched his own. It was Lily Evans.

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!"

Hi all! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Finally getting to that sweet sweet Jily content...

You can find me on AO3 at Via889, on Instagram at Via889Fanfiction, and on Gmail at Via889Fanfiction

You can find my Podcast on Spotify at The Marauders (Olivias' Version), and on Instagram at themaraudersoliviasversion