Chapter 4, Meet the Jock
(Maybe we really are side characters living in someone else's story)
~~~~ 2hu Frikmania : MARK'S PERSPECTIVE ~~~~
I think the impact of a hollow purple and that giant spear just blew my eardrums! I can't hear anything at all!
Kyuu~! A second impact came from the spear, destroying the hollow purple! Was she serious about piercing fate?
Before the spear could hit the fluffle, it stopped. With a brighter flash of red, Gojo fluffle repels the spear away.
It's almost like he repelled it to me. It's getting closer… Welp. Guess I'll die!
Crash!
~~~~ 2hu Frikmaniac ~~~~
Nnngh…
My head… And my entire body too! I'm in pain! And in the library.
Just gotta… lie down for a minute or two… Agh..
"That was fast. I assumed you'd be back in a few hours." Oh shit yourself, Fluffy Mage!
I stretch out an arm in agony. "I've been got! They got me!"
Gah… Welp. Since I'm at a library, might aswell! "Hey, Patchouli. Mind if I try to learn a few spells?"
She stares at me with dishonor! "You may look around… But if I notice any books missing, I will have you pay the ultimate price. Also, you can only borrow one book at a time."
That intimidates me! So with the green light to check out the library, I get off my ass and dust myself off.
Walking to a nearby bookshelf, I start pondering. "Which book should I check out first? Let's do it like an rpg!"
Option 1: Big book with feathers sticking out.
Option 2: Dusty book with much dust on it.
Option 3: Book that stares back when you stare at it.
I'll pick… option 2! Taking the book out of the shelf, I read a bit on the title. "Dune Creation For Dumbasses, by Aeolius Fern."
Guess it has something to do with sand.
"Ah, so you picked that book. No surprise there." Where did you come from Mage Purple?! She floats haphazardly in the air, her look of disdain dispelled.
I dust off a bit of dust because it's very dusty! "Is there something special in it?"
She furrows her brows. "Nothing much, but the author of that book is what's special. I read a bit of his works and he had a few… interesting takes."
That's reassuring.
Turning a few pages, I skim a few sentences. "Okay, okay. So I can't read any of this.
Patchouli pieces something together. "Wait, you can't read?"
"I may or may not be able to read, but either way I choose not to." Power move.
She squeezes her forehead like she has a headache. "Well, I don't blame you… He was born a pure blooded Japanese, but he learned other languages… just to write his books in other languages."
Sounds like something I'd do if I had motivation. "Do you have a book on understanding Romanian?"
She points to a book not too high up the shelf. "Yeah… it's written in Russian though."
"Why…? Just why?"
"Aeolius."
Ah. Seems legit.
She floats over a cup of tea. "I fail to understand how you are so interested in books. Aren't most outsiders just looking for a way to get strong fast? Not something time consuming like learning magic." And she takes one sip of it.
"I know I'm not going back to Earth anytime soon, so I figured that I might aswell make use of my time here!" Never had much to do in the real world anyway. "Also, reading is like, one of the only things I've ever done in the outside world."
In typical old wizard fashion, she covers her mouth with a clenched fist. "W-well, if you're interested I might be able to teach you a thing or two about Dune Creation."
Is that a blush I see? Are we going on the Patchouli route? "Only if you can teach me how to stab a man between two and seventy-nine times!"
She looks troubled. That's convenient…!
~~~~ 2hu Frikmaniac ~~~~
You think I should just make like a montage of me learning magic? Yeah that might be better.
~~~~ 2hu Frikmaniac ~~~~
(11:00 A.M.)
I tiredly fall on my back after numerous attempts to use mana! "This is… not going anywhere!"
She flips through a few pages. "So, it says here to imagine a day at the beach. Then immediately scrap that idea because we don't have those in Gensokyo."
"How is this helping?"
Smugly, she floats some more tea over. "It's not. I just wanted to read a few sentences."
You frikin-
~~~~ 2hu Frikmaniac ~~~~
(1 P.M.)
Concentrate my innate mana into a single point and imagine sand… Easier said than done!
Patchouli sits on her big chair with another cup of tea. Seriously, where do they keep coming from? "Hmm…? Done yet?"
"As you can see, I am having technical difficulties!" Gahhh!
She shakes her head and sips another sip.
I wave my hand around like a maniac. "This would've been so much easier if it worked like an rpg!"
~~~~ 2hu Frikmaniac ~~~~
(2 P.M.)
Okay…! I think I cracked the code. Concentrate that tingly feeling in my abdomen… into my hand…! "Ahhh…! With this sacred treasure I summon!"
Pwop. A lob of sand appears in my hand.
This calls for jumping jacks! "I did it! Look! I made sand!"
Patchouli only stares at her tea cup, now full of sand, with regret. "Great…"
And… Thud. Down on the ground! "Man down..! Man down…"
Gah.. maybe I shouldn't have eaten that damn mayonnaise flavored chicken during the party…
~~~~ 2hu Frikmania : PATCHOULI KNOWLEDGE'S PERSPECTIVE ~~~~
Did… did he pass out from mana exhaustion after a single spell…? Even Brad could make a small ember without showing signs.
"Oh dear~. Lady Patchouli, you shouldn't have! You left this human male untouched here just for me?"
I knew it… "Don't touch the boy. He is learning magic under me."
She stops in place, slouching. "Lady Patchouli you know how pent up I am! Just let me borrow him for a few hours…"
"I doubt he'd survive even a minute with you." Hah. Humorous.
"Then that would be his fault!" Would it really?
Finding an outsider willing to learn spells and read is a rarity, I can't just give him away. "Hmm…Maybe the next male. Just not this one."
Koakuma stares back with dry eyes. "Lady Patchouli, there's only two types of men in this world. Men who have tried to suck their own cock and liars."
…What?
~~~~ 2hu Frikmaniac : MARK'S PERSPECTIVE ~~~~
And so I awoke in the brave new world!
On a chair, in a dining room, in the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Spooky.
"Hey, you're finally awake." There's always one of them! Except whoever said that isn't a fairy or magical girl. I think…!
Dudebro with a princess wig wearing a camouflage kimono waves at me from across the table. "Yohohoh! Welcome to Gensakey!"
"Yo!" Human interactions have always been awkward. Especially with the freedom fighters!
"Hyeh-oopmh!" He tried to speak but a pancake was shoved into his mouth at that moment.
A yuki-onna? Damn, he's goin' for the monsta girl route! Now that's what I call rad.
"Brad, keep it down please. It's lunch time."
He chews and swallows a bit. "But there's an airship like, right outside!" Done like an excellent cartoon character.
Without acknowledging his words much, she floats another pancake towards his piehole. "Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say. Keep eating."
"Are you gonna eat your pancakes or will I have to serve you my special, spicy, gourmet, fabulous, meal?" Oh shit, it's Sakuya!
So I have a choice now! Either the special meal or these pancakes that I assume come with syrup. Looking back at the dudebro, I can see he is chugging the entire jug like a chug jug. Until he wasn't because it got teleported back to the middle of the table. "Daw…"
"So? Which is it?" Oh shit, she's back!
"I'll eat the frikin pancakes…!" Spicy food in the afternoon is a big no-no.
She smiles. "Good." And disappears.
Spreading his arms wide, he yells. "I'm tellin' you! There was an airship outside! Like ours but bigger!" He owns an airship?
"You own an airship?" This is too good to not ask.
"Yeah! I named it the S.S. BONER after I went camping with the Scarlets. We all chose a single letter for its name and it ended up spelling out boner…!"
That sounds like a believable story. I'll believe it.
"That's right! We're gonna be infiltrating the airship! With our own."
Fwash… A slight flash of blue light later and he was frozen in his seat. "You can infiltrate as many airships as you want after you finish lunch."
If everyone's gonna eat then so will I. C'mere pancake. "Does the cold not bother you? Nom."
He leaves his mouth open for another pancake to fly in. "Nom! Nope! Got myself ice resistant gear so I could fuck my yuki-onna girlfriend without getting hypothermia!"
"Brad, I'd rather you not share our sex life with strangers. It gets awkward." It just did yo.
Brad holds both arms out, now unfrozen, as if he's demonstrating something. "He's not a stranger, he's…! What's your name again?"
"Mark. Don't pregnant man react me."
"Mark! I should tell you about that time my girlfriend let me motorboat her under the- mmnnh! Mnnnhh,mnhn!" He kinda sounds like Pyro after being muffled. By ice, no less.
"This mansion's energy is getting to your head… Or it could be the other way around." She floats up from her seat.
"We'll be infiltrating an airship or whatever it's called. Thanks for the food." Wow. She's princess carrying that six foot tall man. He must be livin' the dream.
And out the dining room they went. That leaves me with Patchouli sitting very far away. "Hmm…"
Remilia with an abnormally large teacup. "Sakuya, your humor confuses me sometimes."
And a bunch of fairy maids doing illegal tangerine trading. "You got the goods?"
Might as well finish this pancake if no one else has any more dialogue. "Nom." Mm, good cakespan.
Maybe I should go infiltrate that airship with them. I've got all the time in the world to learn magic anyway.
~~~~ 2hu Frikmaniac ~~~~
END OF CHAPTER 3
MC: Mark, the generic introvert,
PRIMARY WEAPON :
The Feedbacker: The Feedbacker: a blue metal arm that has a tendency to make people trip on it, deals 1 damage with punches, deals 5 damage with parries. Parries full heal. INVENTORY :
4 plastic cups: useful for the good of nothing.
SKILLS:
Basic Sand Magic: [0/50] Mastery
AUTHOR'S NOTE
Flip school and flip everything that has to do with it. We're infiltrating the airship and there's no one to stop us! Except for any reviews telling me to make Mark learn magic. As a non-influencer, please do not feed the bird. They might just reach their final form.
