Quick Update:
Sorry I haven't posted much recently. We've had a few cases which I'll write up when I get a chance. Think I needed a break from it all really. That whole business in the swimming pool... I just needed to get away from guns and bombs and maniacs. Went to see an old mate in New Zealand for a couple of weeks. Sarah came too but we broke up shortly afterwards. Not sure my life with Sherlock is compatible with long-term relationships. Don't know how Danielle coped with everything. I'll ask her later.
Comments:
Bill Murray: Sorry to hear that. Drinks soon?
John Watson: Yeah good plan!
Harry Watson: Shame. She seemed nice. Did you get my text this morning?
John Watson: Yeah, sorry, Sherlock nicked my phone. Really proud of you. Please keep it up.
Harry Watson: Will do x
Mike Stamford: Sorry to hear that, John. Chin up!
Felix Nolan: Did Danielle ever talk to you?
John Watson: No. Just sent me a picture of Erika and Nightwing
Danielle Nolan: They were sleeping in a pile! How is that not the cutest?!
Sherlock Holmes: You never told me about Sarah.
John Watson: You never even noticed I'd been to New Zealand.
Danielle Nolan: Yes he did. He asked why you weren't handing him the pen.
Sherlock Holmes: I went shopping earlier. There's some cans of beer in the fridge. Next to the feet.
Danielle Nolan: He bought supplies for a science experiment. I bought real food. He is right, though, it's by the foot.
John Watson: :)
==MPH==
Lixxy: Are we still meeting up for drinks?
Lixxy: Elle? You there?
Me: Sorry. Got busy. Sherlock did a thing.
Lixxy.: That's fine! But what about the drinks?
Me: Sorry, Lix. I'll have to pass on it. Erika's been having stomach problems.
Lixxy: You know, Lilly Kelly isn't going to be there. You don't need to avoid anything.
Me: Avoiding? Who said I was avoiding anything? Erika's got a real problem! It's serious!
Lixxy: Okay. Next time?
Me: For sure!
==MPH==
Life Goes On
Time to write up a few notes. I'm going to tell you about a couple of the smaller cases we've been involved in. What really happened on the Tilly Briggs pleasure cruise. Then there was that really odd case with the melting laptop and the time Sherlock stole a bus.
Just another typical week at 221B Baker Street!
Comments:
Sherlock Holmes: I didn't steal the bus. I borrowed it. And it's not as if the tourists seemed to mind.
John Watson: Go and get dressed.
Danielle Nolan: Yes, please, Sherlock. If Erika sees your arse one more time, she's gonna bite it off.
Mike Stamford: If I didn't know the lot of you, I'd swear you were making this stuff up.
==MPH==
Danielle N: John. Out of milk. SH
John Watson: Sherlock? Why do you have Danielle's phone? Does she know you have it?
Danielle N.: Danielle told me to hold it. She had to cut Nightwing's claws. Kept ruining the fabric. SH
John Watson: Fabric?
Danielle N.: Danielle uses a particular blanket for movie watching on her couch. SH
John Watson: So you're in her flat? On her couch?
Danielle N.: Yes SH
Danielle N.: Stop thinking. I can hear you from here. SH
==MPH==
Tilly Briggs Cruise of Terror
I've had to take this post down for a while as the ship's owners are launching an appeal.
Comments:
Jacob Sowersby: Shame! That was MINDBLOWING stuff!
Mike Stamford: I know! I can't believe you did that!
Theimprobableone: it was all right
Felix Nolan: Alright!? I can still hear the screams!
Danielle Nolan: That's only because you're a baby that can't handle a little fun.
Felix Nolan: That's it. This weekend. You and me. Horror movie marathon. First to run out your flat screaming loses!
Danielle Nolan: Deal.
==MPH==
Me: Lol
Lixxy: SHUT UP!
Me: It wasn't even scary.
Lixxy: It was TERRIFYING! AND YOU KNOW IT!
Me: Even Erika's laughing at you. Screaming at nothing.
Lixxy: HOW WERE YOU NOT SVREAMING?!
Lixxy: FUCK SPELLING
Lixxy: IT'S LITERALLY A MAN BEING GUTTED AND THEN A DEMON DOLL SHOWS UP ON A BIKE!
Me: Yeah, isn't it hilarious?
Me: Like the doll is so ugly. Sherlock agreed.
Lixxy: Wait, you watched this with SHERLOCK?
Me: Wanted to see if he could solve it. He could- turns out Kramer was drawing the reverse bear trap in his hospital bed. Never would have noticed without him!
Lixxy: With SHERLOCK?!
==MPH==
The Geek Interpreter
Three young men came to Baker St claiming that events in recent issues of a comic had started happening in real life. I know. We'd turned away mysterious deaths and worldwide conspiracies, but this was the one that Sherlock was interested in...
Comments:
theimprobableone: what happened to the case of the melting laptop?
John Watson: I'll write it up one day. Thought this was more entertaining.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, I'm glad that our purpose here is to entertain people. There was me thinking we were solving crimes.
Danielle Nolan: Oh come on, I was standing right beside you saying you did great!
Jacob Sowersby: I think you're a genius, Sherlock!
Sherlock Holmes: Thank you, Danielle. It's good to know that someone appreciates what I do.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh and Jacob as well.
Jacob Sowersby: OMG! Thanks for replying!
C Melas: Thanks again for all your help. I've been talking to some mates in the industry about setting up a graphic novel series based on your cases.
John Watson: Words fail me.
Harry Watson: That's a first.
Lilly Kelly Nolan: Just tell me I did not read that Danielle dressed up as a ninja.
Danielle Nolan: I did! Here's an image: x
Felix Nolan: Any word on that graphic novel? I know somebody with publishing!
==MPH==
Me: Lilly Kelly! I had no idea you read John's blog!
Me: Did you like the costume? You never replied. It looked really cool. Yeah it's to do with a crime scene, but I think it's still cool!
Me: Plus I got it for free after helping solve the case. SCORE!
Me: Lilly?
*Alert*: Message not delivered
*Alert*: Message not delivered
*Alert*: Message not delivered
*Alert*: Message not delivered
==MPH==
The Speckled Blonde
Early thirties, dyed blonde hair, strange red speckles all over her body. The woman, Julia Stoner, had been found in her bed. There seemed to be no obvious cause of death...
Comments:
Marie Turner: Oh, the poor girls. How terrible.
John Watson: I know, Mrs H. Sometimes I don't think I'll ever really understand how people can do such things.
Danielle Nolan: Not Mrs Hudson. You know she uses my laptop for that.
John Watson: Oh right. Sorry Mrs Turner.
Marie Turner: No worries, Dr Watson. Mrs Hudson's downstairs in the cafe.
John Watson: Again?
Danielle Nolan: She goes there a lot, doesn't she? I keep asking her to pick things up for me, and she always forgets it!
Mike Stamdford: Another case solved!
Siobhan Whelan: Sorry, I wasn't sure how to work the contact email button thing but I was wondering if you could help? My husband died last week and they wouldn't let me see the body and I'm sure they're hiding something. Please help me.
John Watson: I'll be in touch. Sorry for your loss.
C Melas: My girlfriend uses Roylott's stuff!
Danielle Nolan: Don't worry! Lestrade straightened it all out. No more speckled blondes!
John Watson: You've got a girlfriend? Well done, mate!
C Melas: Yeah! I'm irresistible now thanks to you two! I'm the guy that beat up Sherlock Holmes and John Watson!
Danielle Nolan: And me! You beat me up too! Haha.
Sherlock Holmes: It wasn't real.
Felix Nolan: You are so lucky I already read that blog.
theimprobableone: ah but what is real
John Watson: Felix, you couldn't even fight Erika for a spot on the sofa. I've seen you try.
Felix Nolan: But she's got the puppy eyes!
==MPH==
Paul N.: Would it kill you to let it go?
Me: Let what go?
Paul N.: YOU KNOW WHAT!
Me: Paul. What are you talking about?
Paul N.: It's humiliating. People at work heard about that blog. They keep asking if we're related!
Paul N.: Now they're reading a story about you getting beaten up! For a gimmick!
Me: It was for a good cause.
Paul N.: Oh and helping out a nerd with his fake comics. Oh for sure, that's a good cause!
Paul N.: Next time you want to help a good cause, try this:
Paul N.: BEING A BLOODY GOOD PART OF THIS FAMILY!
Paul N.: OR NEXT TIME, I'LL LET MUM KNOW!
==MPH==
Sherlock Holmes Baffled
The body of a 45 year old man was found in a car on wasteland in Surrey.
I genuinely never thought I'd see the day. Sherlock is BAFFLED! He hasn't got a clue! He's flummoxed! He's bamboozled!
He's stuck.
As you know, there was a plane crash the other day, just outside Dusseldorf. Everyone died. Obviously, it's a real tragedy but there's something very strange about one of the passengers.
He was found in a car boot in Surrey!
According to the flight details, he was checked on board. They found the stub of his boarding pass and napkins etc on his body. His passport has been stamped in Berlin Airport. He should have died in the plane crash. But he didn't.
He was in a car boot. In Surrey.
Obviously, I haven't got a clue but neither does Sherlock. He just can't work it out. It's actually and literally impossible.
Any suggestions, feel free to leave them below. I'll be sure to pass them ALL on :)
Comments:
The number of comments on this post caused my blog to crash so I've had to delete them. If you want to know what people had to say, then visit Scotland Yard where apparently a print-out is framed in the canteen.
==MPH==
Me: Then, Sherlock told these little girls that "dead people are taken to a special room and burned."
Lixxy: Shut up! He didn't!
Me: He definitely did!
Lixxy: Bloody hell, that's amazing.
Me: Oh! Now he's yelling about how John's blog is more popular than his. 1895 hits in a day.
Lixxy: Wow. That's actually insane. How does it feel, being famous?
Me: Stop it! I'm not famous.
Lixxy: Really? Cause I saw a pic yesterday of you with Nightwing
Me: Is it the one of us wearing sunglasses, or posing with Sherlock's human skull?
Lixxy: It's of you and that cat with Sherlock. Watching crap telly to get him excited. People are starting to think you're something with him.
Lixxy: IS THAT A REAL SKULL?
Me.: What no. Who's saying we're a thing? We're not a thing. It's a strict not-a-thing going on.
Me: Real skull? Pfft. No. Who said it was? It's a prop.
Lixxy: Danielle. Is it real?
Lixxy: DANIELLE?!
==MPH==
Hat-man, Robin, and Hat-girl
We've been so busy over the last few months that I haven't had time to write up most of our cases but this hasn't stopped us becoming an Internet phenomenon. We've even made the papers!
Sherlock is NOT amused.
Danielle and I are having a blast.
Comments
Bill Murray: Fame at last, eh John?
John Watson: I'll be signing photos later.
Danielle Nolan: Me too!
Harry Watson: BRAILLIAN!
John Watson: I'm on my way round now, Harry.
Harry Watson: sorry :(
Kym Ashman: I don't suppose you fancy giving an interview?
Sherlock Holmes: You don't suppose correctly.
Siobhan Whelan: What about my husband?
Sherlock Holmes: He died. End of story.
Siobhan Whelan: Thanks for nothing.
Danielle Nolan: I mean he solved it. That sounds like a lot more than nothing.
Molly Hooper: Exactly! Sherlock always does his best.
Danielle Nolan: Molly! How have you been? You haven't replied to my texts.
Molly Hooper: Sorry, I've been busy. I'm okay now.
Danielle Nolan: Just tell me which hat looked cuter on Erika.
Molly Hooper: The blue one.
Danielle Nolan: Knew it.
Jacob Sowersby: I've got all these reports for my scrapbook!
theimprobableone: fanboy
Jacob Sowersby: Whatever!
C Melas: SEE! The power of the media!
James Unsworth: My paper will pay upwards of £5000 for an interview.
Sherlock Holmes: Still not interested.
Danielle Nolan: You look so lovely in that hat!
Danielle Nolan: It's Mrs Hudson by the way.
Danielle Nolan: Danielle again. John, why am I Hatgirl? I'm not even wearing a hat.
==MPH==
*beep*
"You've reached the voicemail of Danielle Nolan! I'm probably keeping Sherlock from dying. Leave a message!"
*beep*
"Danielle Nolan! Paul tells me you're in the papers. I saw it for myself! What are you doing?! Call me back as soon as you get this! Being seen all over with two men! Dressing strangely! And that hat?! Must you keep causing our family scandal? Was what happened in May not enough for you!? Pick up!"
*beep*
If you are satisfied with your message, please press-
==MPH==
The Aluminium Crutch
This one you'll have read about in the papers. The murder of actor Matthew Michael live on stage. I wasn't actually there as I was on a date (went well, thanks for asking) but Sherlock was and he left a number of messages on my voicemail, telling me what happened. A couple of people have asked me what he's really like so I've transcribed them.
"John, Danielle and I've just been to see Terror By Night at some terrible little theatre on the Strand. The play itself was mediocre but there was a murder! Live on stage! Danielle tells me that you weren't actually attending with us. I haven't got time to tell the police what happened so when you've finished having dinner or whatever it is you're doing with...Sarah? No Danielle I don't actually care about who this one is. I need you to take this message to Lestrade. Don't worry, it's all quite simple..."
Comments:
Mike Stamford: Bravo!
Bill Murray: I think my brain just exploded.
Jacob Sowersby: GENIUS!
Sally Donovan: Freak
Danielle Nolan: I really liked the bit where Sherlock got the director to confess to the poor casting. Bothered us the whole time! I had to stop Sherlock from throwing popcorn at the actors many times.
Danielle Nolan: And when Sherlock says "he has no time for police", what he really means is that the police as ignoring his messages because he's just so much of a "freak" or "them thinking lowers the IQ of the whole street" or accuses him of being the murderer (completely impossible- especially as the actor accidentally killed himself. Like Sherlock said and the evidence proves).
Danielle Nolan: And yes. I did make a poor joke that turned out to be true. Thanks, John, for writing it exactly as Sherlock said it.
Sherlock Holmes: Next time you accuse a man of killing himself to get out of the play, I'll take it more seriously.
Danielle Nolan: Not my point
Sherlock Holmes: Yes it was
Danielle Nolan: Yeah it was
==MPH==
Danielle tossed her phone on the counter. It clattered. The thick phone case would keep it from shattering. She'd already had a lot of problems keeping Erika from eating it. A thick phone case was the only solution.
"Ooo." Mrs Hudson whimpered as she came in. "Is everything alright?"
"No!" Danielle snapped. Mrs Hudson gasped. Danielle sighed. "Sorry, sorry. Didn't mean to snap." Danielle ran her hand over her face. "Just- he's left the milk out again."
"Oh poor dear." Mrs Hudson walked into Sherlock's kitchen. "You don't have to do this. You're not his housekeeper."
"Neither are you." Danielle reminded her. Danielle slipped on a pair of blue rubber gloves.
Mrs Hudson raised her eyebrow. "What are those for?"
"Sherlock keeps experiments in the fridge." Danielle wiggled her fingers. "Gets mad if I mess them up, so I started wearing gloves."
She opened the door. Bags of all kinds filled the fridge. Some were full of food, or jars of jam tucked in the back. The more eye-catching bags were full of body parts.
Danielle reached for one. "I keep telling him to make a system. He never told me what that system is, so he keeps mucking it up!"
"Are those thumbs?" Mrs Hudson yelped.
Danielle sighed. "Yes."
Her phone buzzed again.
Mrs Hudson pointed at it. "Should you be getting that?" She picked up cups of tea. She put them away in the sink.
"No. No." Danielle stated, firmly. "I'll leave it. Thumbs in the salad drawer, got it." She pushed the drawer shut.
"Oh dear! Thumbs!" Mrs Hudson whined in disgust.
"Oh it's alright!" Danielle replied. "It's not even the worst thing I've found in here!"
Mrs Hudson whined again.
Danielle realized she hadn't exactly been reassuring. She turned to Mrs Hudson, meaning to give some more potent reassurances when she saw it.
Him, she saw him.
A very fat man stumbled into 221b. His loud stomping got Mrs Hudson's attention. The elder landlady gasped in shock.
"The door was...the door was..." The man stumbled over his words, falling on his face.
Danielle and Mrs Hudson stared.
"Boys!" Danielle called out. She pulled off the gloves, tossing them in the rubbish. "We've got one!"
"Ooh!" Mrs Hudson gasped. "Should we help him to the chair?"
Danielle eyed the large man, then Mrs Hudson's small hands. "He'll wake up."
Danielle's phone rang again. Danielle walked over to it, switching off her ringer.
==MPH==
AN: So I actually started writing a lot of the bits of the montage. But I hit roadblocks. Instead of trying and failing to write that, I decided to write all of this instead.
Also the John Watson official blog is so slow, I swear. I'm about to start another tumblr just to transcribe it all so y'all don't have to suffer it. But still, I had fun with it. I only posted some of the posts because I was worried that the sites I publish on would restrict the fic if I posted too much of it.
But hey! Sorry I posted nothing in July and August. I'd been struggling with mental health and my new job, so I had no time to give Danielle the attention she needed. Thank you all for bearing with me!
Thanks to LoyalBookster, HerondaleSalvatoreGirl22, ItsJustMe-94, itsolive, livesinasong13, Crystal Hoopert, Mailani14, Always-Be-Batman, Dreamingmydaysaway, Team-lets-free-will, Victoria1902, Zorua1, bored411, bumbleebee97, ericabati, jessica02, leenap1105, Lovemenotlupe, monhill, tibosh4real, viloet-starlight, JediGemini, estherripoll2005, LairaCapulet, and Thetroublewithexes for favoriting
Thanks to Dreamer Miyu, Isabelnecessaryonabicycle, ItsJustMe-94, JokersBatman, Leafpool16985, LoveMeSomeStories, LoyalBookster, Mata-NuiXIII, Team-lets-free-will, Victoria1902, Zorua1, bored411, bumbleebee97, ericabati, gossamermouse101, jessica02, lartoli25, leenap1105 , lovemenotlupe, sillystring-roxs-the-earth, tanzanitehyacinth, teeina, teensuprnatural19, Nicky Foltyn, monhill, tibosh4real, viloet-starlight, JediGemini, estherripoll2005, harudha558, macaseyangelicacournoyer, lydiavip, LairaCapulet, Panpanpan , MagnusBane044, and Nicky Foltyn for following
