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Chapter XI – Doughnuts and Bagels

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A strong feeling of heat greeted her eyelids, a bright light washing over her vision underneath. Eyelashes fluttered before Tifa eventually cracked open one eye, immediately regretting it as she recoiled from the intense glare. Groaning, she raised her head from the pillow and turned over, lifting the feathered case up and clamping it over her head. Her arms cradled around the makeshift retreat while thoughts groggily passed by, her mind swimming in and out of lethargy. For some reason, Cloud's voice, unbidden, spoke gently within her head.

'Come on, let's go while the sky's smiling.' That was what he used to say to the children, whenever the sun was at its brightest. He'd happily lead them outside to play, while she would grin and wave to them from inside the bar. The memory brought a smile to her face, however, it was anything but happy. It held a tremendous sense of loss, her heart stabbed with the pain of days gone by. Days that were certainly looking like they would never come again.

Tifa gloomily sank her head further into the pillow as much as she possibly could, as if doing so would protect her from the world... or her thoughts – or indeed, her feelings. Her resolution from yesterday evening was already wavering. It seemed so easy then. A brilliant sunset to see her off on her no doubt long journey; her closest friends accompanying her on this quest of good cause, walking by her side in high spirits. However, she knew she could not lie to herself.

She missed him.

Peeking a weary eye out from her fluffy makeshift fortress, she scanned the inn room only to find she was alone.

'How long have I been sleeping?' The thought caused her to emerge from under the pillow and, with great reluctance, push away the warm duvet. It was then, as she sat up in bed, that she suddenly realised she couldn't even remember falling asleep to begin with. Events from the night past rushed into her head and she sharply moved her gaze to the window. Brilliant sunlight filtered through the glass, allowing her to see tiny meandering flecks of dust. Finding nothing out of place on the windowsill, she turned her gaze to the floor and began looking for little red droplets that should be stained into the wood. She found nothing.

'Was it a dream...?'

Uncertainty crossed her features as she sat and contemplated in the empty room. 'It seemed so real... although, if I don't remember falling asleep, maybe I never woke up to find Vincent in the first place.' It was a little too heady a thought for Tifa having just woken up, and rather farfetched to boot. She decided to change her route of reasoning. 'Or maybe I fell asleep and... someone put me to bed.' The sudden image of Vincent carrying her to bed caused her to simper in embarrassment, while humour bubbled up from within her. 'Yeah, right! It was probably Barret.'

The smell of something wonderful greeted her nose before she heard the little feet against wooden stairs. Turning towards the landing, she watched as Denzel just reached the top. On seeing her sitting up and awake, he treated her to a rare smile and quickly dashed to her side. He carefully carried a brown paper bag, the smell that wafted from it simply divine. Tifa's stomach growled.

"Hey," she croaked out, voice still laden with sleep. "What have you got there? It smells wonderful." She reached out and gently combed her fingers through the boy's locks, causing him to shuffle his feet awkwardly.

"Barret took us to the bakery. Me and Marlene had doughnuts." Tifa grimaced. Normally she would encourage them to have something more healthy, especially on a morning. However, while Barret was stern outwardly, he was an absolute softie when it came to kids. This resulted in them 'getting away with chocolate,' as Reeve would laughingly say.

"Do you not feel sick after having that for breakfast?" she asked. Denzel blinked back at her.

"It's not breakfast..." Tifa's eyebrows rose quizzically at his answer. She knew she had slept in, but no inkling for how long. Before she could ask, Denzel answered for her. "It's afternoon." He stumbled back on one of his undone shoelaces, clutching the little brown bag as Tifa jumped to her feet, silently scolding herself.

'I'm meant to look after Denzel and Marlene, not sleep in and leave someone else to take care of them. How irresponsible!' Her mental lecture was interrupted when Denzel held up the paper bag at arm's length; a simple offering.

"It's okay," he said. "We brought something back for you." Tifa blinked, stunned, before giving him a small and rather sad smile. It occurred to her that Denzel thought she jumped up at missing breakfast, rather than the true reason of shame for not looking after him and Marlene. His innocence warmed her heart.

"It's not a doughnut, is it?" Her hesitant question caused the messy-haired boy to grin back at her rather cheekily.

"Maybe." Tifa resisted the urge to groan, before carefully reaching into the brown bag and pulling out the pleasantly warm ring-shaped object from within. The delicious fragrance intensified as the sweet good emerged from its papered concealment. Tifa was pleasantly surprised to find herself holding a sliced bagel with a generous spread of cream cheese on top. "Barret said you'd like that instead," Denzel explained when Tifa shot him an amused look. "You do, don't you?"

"Of course I do! Thank you." She wasted no time in taking a bite out of the glazed doughy roll, humming out her satisfaction. It was truly delicious. Denzel watched her with a thoughtful expression, remaining silent as she enjoyably worked her way through the treat. As she chewed her last bite, he suddenly spoke up.

"Are you sad?"

Tifa paused mid-chew.

Denzel shyly looked down at his feet, holding the paper bag closer as he scuffed his sneakers against the wooden floor. "Just that, you seem sad." Tifa swallowed down the last morsel of her food and gave the orphan her full attention.

"I'm fine, Denzel. Don't worry about me." She gave him a reassuring smile, but internally she was surprised at the boy's intuition. Her heart ached over Cloud, as much as she hated to admit. But if she didn't admit it, she would be lying to herself. And overall, Tifa had learnt through hardship that lying to oneself was even worse than heartbreak. She resolved to try and hide her feelings more around the children; they didn't deserve her sorrow. "Come on," she changed the subject, "how about I meet you downstairs after I get ready. Does that sound good?"

"Yeah, okay." Denzel moved towards the stairs.

"Hey, hold on." The young boy stopped at Tifa's sudden voice, turning back with a puzzled look. She'd noticed that the bag in his hands didn't seem to be empty, which caught her curiosity. "Is there something else in there?" He looked down at the paper sack Tifa gestured to before uneasily nodding his head.

"Y-yeah..." he muttered with guilt, which Tifa immediately caught on to. She tilted her head slightly to the side and placed her hands on her hips.

"Denzel," she began gently, but the chiding tone was unmistakable. "You didn't steal anything, did you?" At this the boy's eyes widened.

"N-no!" While too quick to defend himself, Tifa could tell that he was being truthful. When Cloud first brought Denzel home and into their care on that fateful evening, June twenty-ninth, one year ago, it took a long time to teach him that stealing was wrong. For many nights he would sneak in, having stole something from the surrounding area. As an orphan of the slums, it was simply a way of life. From apples to bread, chocolate, comic books and even at one point, a radio.

Cloud had complained of lack of music on the road, leading to a portable radio being 'mysteriously' left on his desk a few days later. Despite him having a good clue who left it, he didn't bother to chase the matter and instead told Tifa, 'Hey, it's such a great model... waste not, want not, right?' After a lot of what Cloud would call 'debate' and Tifa 'argument', she grudgingly agreed, but only after he promised it would be the one thing he would keep and to reprimand Denzel in future. (Part of the argument was that it was a Shinra issued model and it wasn't like they were going to miss it.)

"... Alright, I believe you," Tifa calmed the boy. "So what's the matter? I promise I won't get angry."

"It's not that..." Denzel shook his head. "It's just... Barret didn't want me to get another bagel. So I waited until he wasn't looking and bought another one with my own money. Please don't tell him." Tifa furrowed her brow, confused. She had known Barret long enough to understand that this seemed rather irrational for the man. She knew she was missing something.

"Don't worry, I promise not to tell. But only if you explain to me why he didn't want you buying any more." Denzel nodded, eased by the woman's reassurance, and shuffled back towards Tifa in the manner of a scolded child.

"Okay. I just... told him I wanted to get something for Vincent." Ah. There it was. Now Tifa understood. "I asked Barret but he said to leave it... I don't know why."

"I see." Tifa paused in thought, holding her chin before flashing Denzel a smile. "How about you go find Vincent and give him that bagel before it gets cold. Don't worry about Barret, I won't tell him." She walked closer to the boy then dropped to one knee so she was at his eyelevel. "But before you go..." Tifa reached down and picked up the stray shoelace on his right sneaker, tying it neatly while ignoring his weak protests.

"Tifa! I can do it myself..."

"Then why don't you?" His responding mumble caused her to smile greatly. "Also, I want you to take this." She pushed aside her duster, reaching into the back pocket of her knee-length black shorts and pulling out a handful of coin. She glanced over the amount before pressing it into the boy's hand. Denzel looked over the Gil, his eyes widening. "This should cover for the bagel," she explained.

"B-but it didn't cost this much... there's one hundred Gil here."

"I know." He looked up at her with wide eyes, but she simply smiled back in amusement. "Go on, before it gets cold." Denzel's eyes seemed to light up with a sense of duty, and he nodded before running off downstairs to locate a certain crimson cloaked man. She watched him hurriedly embark on his quest, her smile fading only after he'd disappeared. A sense of guilt washed over her.

'I'm not even sure if Vincent really did come back... I hope he's alright. Please find him, Denzel.' She stood in silence for a moment longer before turning towards the bathroom, eager to clean herself up. (Not to mention her heart.) After brushing her teeth, taming the beast that was her hair and splashing her face with cool water, Tifa felt refreshed enough, physically and mentally, to seek out the others. As she finally descended the stairs, voices floated up to meet her. Or rather, singing.

"Ooo, what a bonnie moooornin'~! Ooo, what a bonnie day~!"

"That's 'beautiful,' don't sing if yer gonna change the words. An' it's noon, not mornin'!" Barret's voice boomed at the cat puppet.

"Yer spoilin' all mah fun... ahem! Tha sun'll come oot, taemorrow~"

"Wrong again! It's already out!"

Red XIII turned and nodded in greeting as Tifa reached the bottom of the landing, while the two comrades began to bicker in the background.

"Afternoon. Did you sleep soundly?" Nanaki asked, beginning to scratch behind his ear with his rear pastern. The beautiful golden bracelet that adorned it jingled from the action.

"I did, like a log. A sedated log." The fire-dog grinned in amusement at her words. "In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm still drugged," here, Nanaki looked up to her with interest as Tifa continued. "Not only did I have the most vivid dream, or at least... I think I did... there, you see? Proves my point. But now I'm greeted with, well... this." She gestured towards the scene unfolding in front of her, Cait Sith having now branded his Megaphone (named Marvelous Cheer) and yelling songs from the top of his voice to a very angry and flustered Barret. Nanaki hummed in thought.

"If your dream was so vivid, perhaps it wasn't a dream. Then again, perhaps it was neither." Enthralled by the mystery of his words, Tifa turned her full attention towards the wise lion-like creature. "Maybe it was a vision, a premonition of things to come. Or your soul trying to tell you something."

"My soul?" Tifa cocked her head to the side slightly.

Nanaki nodded, his spiked mane swaying. "Indeed. All living things have a soul. A spirit. The teachings of Cosmo Canyon express the importance of listening to one's inner-self. Dreams can be a way for your soul to reach out to you, so it is important that you take notice of them." Tifa's brows furrowed into a deeply pensive look while she turned over Red's words carefully. "May I ask what it was about?" His sudden question made her eyes snap to his lone ochre coloured one.

"Ah well- err..." she fumbled over where to begin, but Nanaki simply nodded in understanding.

"Don't worry, you don't have to tell me. I am sure you will find your answer in time." He stood to all fours, fur lightly ruffled. "Now then, I believe I should interfere in the bickering of this..." he stared at the red face of Barret and frantic gestures of Cait Sith. "... 'Happy couple.'" Tifa grinned as she watched Red XIII pad into the fray. She had to admit, they did fight like a pair of old married folk and she had to bite back a laugh.

"Tifa!" On hearing her name she turned towards the door to catch Marlene running excitedly towards her. "You're awake!" At his daughter's call, Barret turned around in surprise, as if he just noticed the fighter standing behind him.

"Hey girl, finally awake huh?" Tifa scratched the back of her neck in slight embarrassment. A small tug on the leg of her shorts caused her to look down. Marlene looked up at her with soft brown eyes.

"What happened to your duster?" Blinking in surprise, Tifa glanced down at the aforementioned garment to find that the right end had been torn off.

'That's right... Nanaki ripped it while stopping me from reaching Vincent last night.' The thought caused worry to stab at her chest; she really was concerned about him. She decided to follow Denzel in looking for him after she had questioned the others regarding the man's whereabouts.

"It must have got caught on something. Don't worry, I can fix it up later." Tifa and Red shared a look between each other as Marlene nodded, accepting the rather vague answer from the fighter. She ran over to Cait Sith just as the innkeeper walked through the door behind the reception desk. He stopped, momentarily surprised, before regaining his composure.

"Oh, leaving already?"

"Pretty much, jes' need to pack our things," Barret nodded, pleased. "Thanks fer the room."

"Anytime! You lot are always welcome. I must say, you've certainly livened up the place. I could hear you all the way from the back room!" Barret scratched the back of his huge neck, the action alone showing his apology.

"Sorry aboot that!" Cait Sith spoke up from one of the wooden tabletops.

"Hey, no problem," the innkeeper grinned. "Just sign out on the ledger when you're ready to go. Be careful in your travels and remember not to go out after dark. Especially since you've got kids." They all thanked the kind young man for his hospitality before he returned through the door he'd entered from.

"Well, better start packin' an' get this show on the road. Come on, Marlene." Barret began to climb the stairs to their room, his adopted daughter following closely behind with Cait Sith in her arms. As Red went to follow, Tifa's hand on his spiky auburn mane stopped him. He looked up at her quizzically.

"Nanaki," Tifa began in a subdued tone. "Do you know if Vincent came back?" The fire-dog's lone eye moved back and forth between her own russet ones as he contemplated his answer.

"... Not that I'm aware of." Tifa simply nodded; she had nothing else to say. Nanaki was about to continue up the stairs but paused, turning to Tifa once more. "If you by any chance wonder where Denzel is, I saw him run outside not too long ago."

"Thanks, Nanaki, I'll go look for him now. Can you tell Barret that we'll meet him outside when he's finished?"

"Of course," the fire-dog nodded, "though he may be less than pleased to find he has more than his own packing to do."

Tifa grinned, feeling mischievous. "If he makes a fuss, tell him I'll make it up to him." Nanaki grinned his own feline grin then disappeared up the stairs, his tassels making a melodious chime as he went. Tifa watched him for a moment, before turning around and making her way to the front door. Gently pushing it open, she wasn't at all prepared for the brilliant light that greeted her. Momentarily blinded, she quickly raised her hand up to shield her eyes. When they had finally adjusted, she couldn't help but stare.

'Wow... You would never have guessed that it rained last night.' Tifa looked up in awe at the sky; a most wondrous shade of blue that stretched out for what seemed like forever. She felt like she was looking through a crystal lens, tinted of pure cobalt. A few scattered clouds whimsically strolled by, and she felt inclined to follow them. 'Perhaps they know the way Denzel went.' Amused by her own thoughts, and quite aware of how ridiculous it sounded, she decided to go through with it anyway. 'It's not like I have any other leads.' As they lazily ambled north, so did she.

All kinds of people littered the streets, no doubt basking in the glorious weather. Tifa kept a sharp eye out for the young orphan boy, carefully peering down passages and looking into darkened corners. Merry chatter surrounded her as she weaved between the bodies of people. A sudden tug on the back of her duster made her spin around quickly. Denzel looked up at her with a frown.

"Denzel! I'm glad I found you, we'll be leaving soon." The boy remained quiet, staring down at the bag he still clutched in his hand from earlier. "... I take it you didn't find Vincent." She couldn't hide the disappointment from her voice and neither could Denzel from his features. He shook his head rather sharply and Tifa could tell immediately that he was upset. She lowered herself down to one knee and reached out, circling her arm around his shoulders and pulling him towards her. "Come here... it's okay." Her chest stabbed with pain when she began to feel Denzel's shoulders jump slightly. He was crying.

Back in Seventh Heaven, late at night, muffled sobs could sometimes be heard from the children's room. Tifa knew them to be Denzel's, and it pained her greatly to know that the boy occasionally cried at night. However, Denzel tried his hardest to hide his sorrow, and so did she. She understood that and never interfered, leaving him to cry softly to himself. She thought that if she did address the matter, it would embarrass him and wound his pride, such was Denzel's nature. The next morning, if she knew that he had been crying the night before, she would always make a special effort to cheer him up. A trip outside for some ice cream always seemed to do the trick. However, this was the first time she had known Denzel to cry in front of her.

"Don't worry," she hushed, gently rubbing his back. "I'm sure he's around here somewhere." Tifa struggled to hide the hurt and uncertainty in her voice. "Vincent did this all the time when we travelled with him. I'm sure he'll turn up." At least that was certainly true. The gunslinger was known, notorious in fact, for disappearing at great lengths at a time; especially at night. However, he'd never had an 'episode' (as the others had grown to call it) like the one the night before.

"Y-you're j-just saying that..." Denzel struggled out between hiccups, trying his hardest to hide his tears. His voice was strained but otherwise, Tifa thought he was doing an admirable job.

"I'm not, Denzel." She held his left shoulder and lightly gripped his chin. "Look at me and tell me that I'm lying." The boy wiped his arm across his face hurriedly before looking up at Tifa with red eyes. He studied her face intently for a few seconds.

"... I believe you," he finally managed, wiping his arm over his face once more. Tifa smiled sadly, gently ruffling his messy hazel locks. Apart from the redness in his eyes, you wouldn't have guessed he'd been crying. Tifa was proud of the boy's bravado, though she thought he tried too hard.

"Denzel," she began gently. "Crying doesn't make you any less brave." Denzel's eyes widened, like a deer caught in headlights. Despite his shock that Tifa had called him out on his short fit, he seemed to be listening so she continued. "In fact, afterwards, you'll find that it makes you stronger. If you ever need to cry, don't be afraid to. I'm always here if you want to talk, okay?" The boy appeared to think this over before nodding hesitantly, reaching out and squeezing Tifa's hand in another rare display of emotion.

"... Okay." He smiled weakly and Tifa met it with her own.

"Come on, the others should have finished packing by now." As she stood up, Denzel surprisingly still clung to her hand. She smiled down at him, secretly delighted that he hadn't let go. She gently curled her fingers to grasp his and lead him away from the bustling crowd of Kalm, back towards the direction of the inn. They spoke idly about the weather, and on Tifa mentioning that she followed the clouds to find him, helped bring a brilliant and rather silly grin to his face.

When they came in sight of the inn and the others waiting outside, Denzel sheepishly let go of her hand. Tifa smiled in amusement, knowing that he was still slightly embarrassed to outwardly show affection. As such, he reminded her of Cloud... and also in a way, Vincent. The former was certainly more awkward, while the latter was probably the most introverted person she had ever met on the Planet. The boy ran towards Marlene as she waved to him, holding on to her own designated adult; the adult in question being Barret.

"Hey Tif', thanks for leavin' me to pack all your stuff an' everything." Barret's sarcastic greeting was met with a grin from the fighter.

"You're very much welcome! I always said you could be more gentlemanlike." On hearing this, Barret let go of Marlene's hand and crossed his mighty arms.

"Wha's THA' supposed ta mean?!" Tifa simply held back a laugh, but it showed through the quake of her shoulders.

"Come on, noo," Cait Sith chimed in from the top of Nanaki's head. "Enough bickerin' an' mair walkin'! We're oof ta Fort Condur!"

"What are we waiting for then?" Tifa grinned. "Let's go!" They all began moving towards the outskirts of town and towards the grasslands, and despite her outward enthusiasm she couldn't help but look back with a heavy heart. She sincerely hoped Vincent was alright, and that he really would catch up with them. Logically, she knew the chance of this happening was slim. The others seemed to have accepted that he wasn't coming back given what happened last night, so why couldn't she? Amidst the merry banter, Tifa dropped to the back of the group, dragging her heels. After a few minutes of walking, Barret's muttered disbelief cut through her thoughts.

"Well, I'll be damned..." She was about to scold him for swearing in front of the children, but as she looked up, a figure in the distance caused her to stop, stunned. A man in a red cloak leaned against the brickwork of one of the buildings with his arms crossed, the plains clearly visible behind him. As they moved closer, he leisurely uncrossed his arms and rose to his full height, turning towards them.

"Vincent!" Marlene called out in greeting, waving excitedly to him from next to her father. Denzel stopped, frozen to the spot next to Nanaki. A few seconds later and the spell was broken; the orphan bolted towards him. Red grinned, his wagging tail a dead giveaway to his feelings. As Tifa watched Denzel reach the gunslinger and offer up the brown bag he had been holding on to for so long, she broke out into a huge, relieved smile.

"'Boot time he caught up tae us!" Cait Sith said from the top of Red's head. Tifa couldn't have agreed more. When the party finally reached him, Vincent simply nodded in greeting. Tifa smiled back at him brilliantly, displaying the whites of her teeth. This took the gunslinger by surprise, but the only outward sign he gave was a blink of his crimson eyes.

"Come on, standin' 'ere won't get us thair any faster!" Impatiently, the cat puppet jumped up and down on Nanaki's head. The fire-dog nodded to Vincent as he passed by and Tifa felt like it was some sort of silent exchange, one that they both understood. She followed Red XIII, moving on past the gunslinger with Barret while gauging her old friend's reaction. The dark-skinned man gave nothing away. A thought occurred to her.

"Oh yeah, thanks for putting me to bed last night, Barret." The great hulk of a man turned towards her, his brows furrowed questioningly.

"No problem, but I wouldn't say I put ya ta bed. More like lead ya to it, we were both pretty beat." Tifa blinked, her own brows furrowing slightly, before realisation dawned upon her. She froze while Barret continued past her, none the wiser.

'Hold on, if Barret didn't- ... but... there's no one else who could have-'

"Come, lest you fall behind," Vincent intoned coolly, passing her by with a brown paper bag in his right hand; Denzel happily following at his heels. Tifa watched her friends move on ahead in stupor. Shaking herself mentally, she followed after them. As she walked on, she watched Vincent's back and smiled to herself in disbelief.

'Well, I think I found my answer, Nanaki. Though I'm still not quite sure I believe it.'