Chapter 2 - Jedi Crash
Author's Note: Yes, Bly/Aayla is meant to be an implied minor, background, future thing. I'm normally not a fan, but there's an age difference, and something about them feels like it clicks right in here, so...
~ Rivana Rita
Anakin knew, from the start of the war, that there would be a time when his master was injured. He knew, maybe from long before then, maybe from the moment Obi-Wan told him he would train and raise him at Qui-Gon's funeral. Anakin knew it, because he lost his mother, and then Qui-Gon, and it would only be a matter of time before something happened to Obi-Wan, too.
That doesn't lessen the terror of seeing it happen right in front of him.
Anakin can't really say when he realized this would go badly.
Maybe when the gunship started crashing, maybe when Obi-Wan took off alone while Anakin lingered a few feet back to cover Rex and his vode, maybe when he saw the damage on the cruiser in the first place. But either way, the moment his master Force-shoved him, Aayla, and the men with them down the corridor, closing the door behind them with the Force is the moment he knew.
"Master!" Anakin screams, scrambling to his feet, running to the door. It's closed, and there's nothing he can do, but he can hear the explosions rumbling down the halls, can feel the lives being ripped out of the Force by every passing moment as the clones they failed to evacuate are claimed by the explosions.
He feels it, and he reaches out, beyond the door with the Force, trying to feel, too – to make some sort of Force barrier like he can feel his master doing, trying to help, but the Force backlashes.
He feels his master's pain.
Anakin stumbles from the backlash himself, nearly falling, and runs to the door, slamming his hand on the button to reopen the door. Aayla is calling his name, trying to pull him back from the door. "Let go!" Anakin yells at her, wrenching away. Obi-Wan's unconscious, and the ship is burning, and they need to get out of here, but he can't leave his master behind and that's more important than anything else in the galaxy.
"Anakin, we must leave," Aayla argues, but Anakin ignores her, igniting his lightsaber through the door. He expects her to keep arguing, to call him out on being weak and a failure to the Jedi, but instead, she ignites her own lightsaber and starts cutting through on the other end.
The flames are still burning, licking across the hall when Anakin yanks the cut part of the door away with the Force. He doesn't care for that, only that Obi-Wan is out there, and that he's still breathing. He wants to cry. Maybe he already is. His eyes are stinging and burning but that doesn't matter, and he grabs Obi-Wan's arm, dragging him inside. Aayla and her clone commander – Bly – step forwards to help, and the Commander shuts off the door the moment they're all aboard, giving the order to depart.
Anakin doesn't care.
He doesn't care about anything right now, except that his master is hurt, and they need to get him to a medbay immediately. Anakin isn't a healer, but he can tell just from looking that his injuries are bad.
The medical droid looks him over, and Anakin sits beside him in silence, holding his hand. He almost jumps when Aayla touches his shoulder, though she doesn't say anything. He leans into it a little, eyes still fixed on the rise and fall of his master's chest. The heart monitor is beeping normal and all, but that doesn't mean much, does it?
Obi-Wan is always so insistent on doing everything alone, Anakin doesn't think he has any idea how much it hurts. It hurts Anakin, at least. Constantly worrying about him, stressing over him and knowing there's nothing he can do drives him crazy.
Anakin might want his master to accept him, to be proud of him, but mostly, he just wants him to be okay, to be here, and that somehow feels like too much to ask for.
Aayla goes back up to the bridge, and Anakin lets her go wordlessly.
It doesn't matter.
It can't have been too long before Aayla returns. "Anakin, Bly needs you up in the cockpit," she says, "The ship was damaged in the explosion, and we've made a hyperspace jump directed towards a star. We need your help to get past it."
Anakin looks at his master again. The fear already icing him inside out doesn't grow or even change, but if Anakin stays here like he wants, they're guaranteed to die.
"We'll need to shut the power off," Anakin supplies, standing.
That would include life support though, and his eyes instantly jump to his master again.
Aayla squeezes his shoulder lightly. "I don't like it, either," she promises, "But if we don't, we'll all die."
He doesn't want to go, but they don't have a choice. If the ship is crashing, that's something only Anakin has a chance of getting them out of.
**w**
They miss the star, but nose-dive onto the planet, and Anakin is able to guide the ship to a landing that somehow doesn't kill everyone, but the rest of it blows up right after they get off.
Night's falling fast, so Anakin helps the clones set up camp.
"We have to find help tonight," Aayla says, entering the tent where Anakin is sitting beside his master. "Your master doesn't have much time."
"We don't even know where to go, or if there are anyone on this planet," Anakin points out, unmoving. He should get up, do something, but Obi-Wan was injured and he can't – he doesn't know what he could do.
"No, but we must try," she replies, "Rex can stay with your master. The rest of us will go."
It takes a moment for the implications to catch up with him, and Anakin shakes his head. "I can't. I'm staying."
"Anakin, as Jedi, we must do what's best for the group. We need to leave, and Master Kenobi has to stay here."
"No!" Anakin yells. He hates himself for yelling, after Aayla lost all her men, her brothers or friends or just acquaintances, he doesn't know, but she lost almost everyone. They didn't have time to evacuate the entire cruiser properly. He shouldn't be yelling at her. "I can't leave him!"
"Anakin, as a Jedi, we must do what's best for the group."
"You don't understand – if I was hurt, if I needed him, he would never leave me behind!"
She looks hurt, and Anakin senses her uncertainty. She's six years older than him – she's twenty-one. Aayla was Knighted after Geonosis, and Anakin doesn't know if she has any more certainty in her own abilities to lead than he does. But what is he supposed to do? He can't leave Obi-Wan. "Anakin, I know this is hard," she continues quietly, "But this could be dangerous, and I will need your help."
It's a question of whether he'll do his duty as a padawan or as a Jedi, then. He has no idea which is more important, but it feels like he's failing both. Anakin looks up at Rex, in the desperate hopes that he might at least have something to offer.
"Don't worry, kid," Rex promises, touching his shoulder. "I'll take good care of him."
Anakin trusts him, but he doesn't want Rex to get himself killed during it, either. "Be careful," he requests finally, a little desperately.
"We'll be fine," he reassures, "You too."
**w**
It turns out, there is a village on-planet. It takes all night for them to find it, plus an attack by some wildlife, but they were at least successful in finding a healer. They're a strange species, but the healer in question allegedly knows what he's doing, so Anakin tries not to worry about it too much. It's hard, though – Rex was injured, too, and they were attacked by a couple of the same creatures. If Anakin hadn't gotten back when he did, and Force-shoved the one Rex hadn't shot, it probably would've killed his master.
Obi-Wan only awoke briefly on the way to the village, but it was barely long enough to have a two-line conversation with Anakin.
He's alive, though. He – he should be fine. Maybe. Hopefully, but it's evening when Anakin finds himself alone with Aayla atop a nearby hill, overlooking the village.
He wanted to stay with Obi-Wan and Rex, but she looked... lonely, and he thought... he wanted to see if she was alright.
"You were right about me needing to go with you," Anakin admits, settling down beside her and tugging his knees up to his chest. "If I hadn't, I don't know that we would've made it here."
"Letting go is never easy," Aayla points out, "I... went through the same process with my own master. It's hard, but it's what we're supposed to do."
He doesn't want to think about it.
One time, Anakin would've done anything to protect his mother. He still would, and now, Obi-Wan is the only person he has, except Rex and the boys he's supposed to be leading.
It's hard.
Everything about this is hard.
It was only two years ago that Anakin was considering leaving the Order, and now, he can't help wondering if that would've been the right choice. But he's needed out here, on the field, for as hard as it is. That's never been what mattered.
It was always everything else. Everyone else. It's... fine, but nothing could've prepared him for nearly losing his master.
"The burden of being a Jedi is having to let go of everything and everyone we care about, for the greater good of everyone else."
"But how do we know what the greater good is?" Anakin asks her.
"To tell the truth, I don't know," Aayla admits, "I was Knighted because of the war. I'm not sure I was ready."
She's a good fighter. She's good at what she does, but she did lose almost her entire battalion. Anakin can't imagine what that would do to him. It would destroy him. The clones are the only friends he's ever had. If something happened to them... "None of us were trained for this," Anakin murmurs, "I'm not ready. I don't think anyone was."
"No," she agrees, "We weren't. Or at least, I wasn't, but we all have to adapt if we are to survive."
"At least that's one thing I'm good at," Anakin replies. He is, had to be, to survive. That's the one positive side to all this.
"I'm sure it is," Aayla agrees, arms crossed. She looks calm, though it's more in a sort of depressed manner. She's still hurting. Still afraid. "Your master has fought in wars before. I'm sure that helps, too."
Anakin glances up at her – her master was Quinlan Vos, and he was a friend of Obi-Wan's. Acquittance, at least, and sometimes, it feels like they know more about his master than Anakin knows himself. Obi-Wan never really talks about himself. He talks about Qui-Gon all the time, but not... anything beyond that.
Never has.
Anakin isn't surprised to hear that his master has – he knew that, figured it out through passing comments, but hearing about it is still a bit different. "I never took Qui-Gon to be one to fight in a war," Anakin remarks, "I mean, he'd do it if he had to, but from what I remember about him, that was never really..."
"Master Kenobi never talks about his past, does he?" She doesn't sound surprised – mostly just curious.
"Not really, no. Why?"
"Never mind," she answers, shaking her head, "It's his life to tell you about, not mine."
Anakin lets it slide, no matter how curious he is about it. "Okay," he shrugs instead, "But how are you? I know you lost... a lot in the crash to the droids."
Aayla tenses up a bit, and he senses her flare of guilt swelling. "Yes," she confirms, "We lose a lot of good men every day."
Anakin touches her arm lightly, and she twitches back, glancing down at his hand like she didn't expect to be touched, maybe hasn't been in a long time, but she still takes his hand. "I know you do your best," Anakin tells her. "It's all any of us can do."
"That's not always enough to save those who need it."
"We saved my master," Anakin says, even if it hurt. "It was hard to leave him, but I understand it's what needed to be done."
"I understand it," Aayla promises him, "I saw my own master as something of a father to me, not unlike you yourself."
"I don't know if I would put it like that," Anakin objects instinctively, because for all that he feels towards his master like that, it's not the Jedi way.
He's not supposed to. "But that – yes."
"It's nothing to be ashamed of," she replies, "It's natural for Jedi to go through something of that nature at least once."
Most of the Jedi Anakin knows, he can't even imagine getting attached to anyone, but he doesn't know any of them that well. It just feels like... he's always been alone. The way Anakin cares isn't something the Jedi handle well. "I've never seen anything..."
"Like what you have?" she guesses, and he nods. "I'm not sure your master is any more willing to let you go than you are him."
It's probably meant to be a statement, but it still stings. "You don't know him," Anakin argues, "Master Obi-Wan is the best Jedi there is." He cares, and Anakin doesn't want that to change. He doesn't want Obi-Wan not to be willing to do anything for him, but he doesn't want to interfere with his master's ability to be a Jedi, either.
Her smile is half amused. "Maybe that's not a bad thing. Your faith in each other isn't something I see often."
"He might not be what most people think of as an ideal Jedi, but he's –" Anakin can't figure out how to put it. "He's amazing." There are times that he might make Anakin uncomfortable, but how is that a thing to complain about? He takes care of him. He's all he has, has had until Rex came into the picture.
But that's different, because Anakin has to take care of Rex and all his vode.
"He's better prepared than all of us," she admits, "I wish we all had some of that."
"What happened wasn't your fault," Anakin tells her, because she needs to hear this. "It was the Separatist's doing. There's nothing you could have done."
"If something were to happen again," Aayla sighs, shaking her head. "Almost all of them were killed."
"It's not fair," Anakin tells her, "We're never sent after the clones. We never got there fast enough. But it's not just the leadership that matters. It feels like no one understands that."
"We've all lost friends in the war," Aayla agrees, "But what we're fighting for matters. We will find a way to win."
How Jedi have to talk about winning wars instead of stopping them makes no sense. It's against everything they used to be, but all he can do is keep moving, and – trying to save everyone is so, so hard.
He misses his mother. He misses how grounding she was, how she... she could light everything. She always made him feel safe.
"Yeah," Anakin agrees, wishing he actually believed it. Wishing it felt like it was worth it. "We will."
**w**
The Separatists show up before Admiral Yularen does.
Bly shows up with the message, and everyone instantly tenses up.
The village leader shows up only moments later with a furious, "what menace have you brought to our village now, Jedi?"
"Father, you can't blame them," the healer – his son – protests.
"The Separatists don't know we're here," Anakin argues, standing, "Unless they tracked us." He pauses, looking back at Obi-Wan. He's conscious now, and it's relieving to see him up.
"Your presence here endangers us," the leader continues, "You must leave before your enemies find you."
"They'll destroy your village," Obi-Wan says, pushing himself up, and Anakin practically teleports to his side before he can do something stupid and hurt himself even more. "If you don't fight back."
"We are not going to fight them at all!" the village leader snaps, "We would rather die than kill others."
Anakin bites his lip, looking back at his master. He doesn't want to leave, but what can they do? The Lurmen don't want interference, and if they're found here... either the villagers would have to flee, or they'd be killed.
"We cannot allow –"
"Master, you're still too injured to fight," Anakin interrupts, and he feels bad about it, but he cares more about keeping Obi-Wan safe than... If the Separatists attack, they can interfere, but he doesn't know if they can intervene beforehand.
"I agree with Anakin," Aayla cuts in, "You are injured, and we can't pull the Lurmen into the war if they want to remain neutral."
Obi-Wan looks at him, and Anakin looks away, shifting back, uncomfortable. He doesn't think his master is happy, and he doesn't want to face that. "Alright," he agrees grumpily.
Anakin and Rex half carry him into the nearby grass, and they move a distance out before settling down in a clearing. Obi-Wan looks better than he did earlier, and Anakin sits down beside him.
Anakin reaches for Rex's hand, and he freezes up a little when he sees Aayla and Bly doing the same. It's weird to see any other Jedi doing that. Anakin has never seen a Jedi who's close with the clones. Not even his own master – Obi-Wan takes care of them, but he always keeps his distance and lets the clones take care of each other.
They're not friends.
Seeing this is... just weird.
"We need a ship," Anakin says, "If we're gonna leave. I'm sure we can get one from the Separatists, but I'm still worried about the village."
"We could still catch the Separatists off-guard," Obi-Wan points out.
"One small victory won't lead us any closer to ending this war," Aayla responds.
Anakin catches the glance she exchanges with Bly – she doesn't want to lose anyone else, and he doesn't want to ask that of her. Even if it's what the clones were made for. He doesn't want to ask that of them. "We could sneak through their lines and steal a shuttle," he offers, "We'd just need someone to scout out."
"I don't think you should go alone," Rex argues, catching on instantly.
"I'll be fine," Anakin insists. "Really."
Hopefully.
**w**
Bly and Aayla are far closer than Anakin realized. Of course, they're very close – all Jedi are close to a point with their commanders – but this is different.
He couldn't see it, but he could sense it.
He sensed it in the overwhelming fear he felt pouring off her when Bly and Rex went in, unknowing that the Separatists were about to test a new weapon, and nearly got caught in the blaze. She would've gone to save him, anyway, but it was... personal.
Familial.
Not quite sibling-like, either. Or at least Anakin doesn't think so – he has no idea though, because he's never had a sibling before. He's always been an only child.
That's the first attachment Anakin has seen any Jedi having. It's not a relationship type he understands, but he knows what it is. It's – it's strange to think about, though. Anakin hasn't seen anything of that nature since Tatooine, and it's not bad, but it still weirds him out a bit.
Maybe that's why she was so calm about Anakin's attachment to Obi-Wan – she has one herself. Or more, and that somehow makes Anakin a little calmer. It makes him feel not quite so alone. He's not the only one who cares, who wants a family, even if it's very different for Aayla than it is for Anakin. She wants a future with someone – which he can't quite imagine – and he just wants... someone to take care of him, no matter how selfish that may be.
It doesn't interfere, either, the way the Jedi always say attachments do. That's half of what makes it so disturbing.
Anakin doesn't mention it until all is said and done, and they're alone on the way back up to the cruiser.
Obi-Wan went in after the weapon while Anakin and Aayla defended the village together with the clones. The villagers do, finally, step up to help, and he's proud of them for being willing to do so. Their leader certainly wasn't happy about it.
"I, uh..." He doesn't even know what he's saying. Doesn't know what he's trying to get at. "You're close with Bly."
"We work together," Aayla answers – she doesn't even sound like she's trying to hide it, which makes Anakin wonder if she's really that free, or if she's just unaware. It's hard to say. Anakin only understands because he didn't grow up at the Temple. "It's natural."
"That's not really what I mean. It – it doesn't matter."
"I would say many of us are close with our clones," Aayla says.
"That's not exactly what I meant, but it..." Force, he is so awkward with people. He has no idea what he's doing. "Close enough. I'm close with Rex, too. He's the only friend I really have."
"They're good people," Aayla replies, "And good friends. I wish everyone understood that."
He couldn't agree more.
"Maybe someday?" Probably a foolish hope, but that's all he has – hope that he can make a difference, that he can make things better.
"Once the war is over, they'll be remembered as the ones who achieved victory," Aayla reminds, "I only hope that will be enough."
Hope is all they have, really, no matter how hard it is sometimes, but he has something now that he never had before.
He has a family. Or at least, getting there, a bit at a time.
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