Systems failing.
Jim winced as he took a deep breath, pain flooding through him, dulling his other senses.
He was laying down on his front, aware of cold floor against his face, his spine twisted uncomfortably as he lay sprawled at an obscure angle.
Systems failing.
He opened his eyes, hands scrambling for purchase as he tried to push himself up into a kneeling position.
He was in the shuttle, and all around him was deadly silent aside from the occasional warning from the computer of the failing systems.
He pulled his communicator from his pocket.
"Kirk to Enterprise, what's our status?"
The silence that followed his call was one of the longest he ever experienced.
"Enterprise? Do you read me?"
There was no response.
Jim pulled himself to his feet, grunting in pain as he became apparent he was more injured than he had initially believed. His chest and ribs were tender and it hurt significantly to move at all, making his head swim.
He sat at the controls of the shuttle, activating the sensors and trying to get his bearings.
"Shuttle One to Enterprise, anyone read me?" he offered through the small craft's comm. system.
It took Jim a long few minutes to realise he was all alone, and not where the Borg ship had been. The stars were different around him now, and rather than being comforting as usual, they gave him a strange sense that everything was very wrong.
Spock was silent.
He breathed slowly and carefully, eyes tightly closed, hands on his knees as he maintained his meditation pose, sitting neatly on the centre of the bed.
The bed where Jim had been just a few short hours ago.
Alive.
Before he could stop himself he leant downwards, losing posture entirely and pressing his face into the fabric and inhaling deeply.
T'hy'la.
He attempted to reach out inside his mind, trying to touch the place where their bond had been. The rawness of the bond having been severed was so very real, and so painful, not just physically, but in its meaning too.
Jim was gone.
Spock remained curled in bed, clasping the pillow that smelled strongly of Jim and just breathing. He did not cry, simply stared at the stars through the viewing portal, silently willing time to reverse, to go back, to save him, to change any of what had happened.
"What do I do, Jim? How must I live without you?" he whispered quietly into the empty room.
He closed his eyes and imaged his bondmates face beside his on the pillow, hair tousled from sleep and eyes shining with excitement for what the new day would bring, just as he had seen them many times in that exact bed.
Take care of the kids Spock. Please look after them.
They'd had this conversation. The "what if one of us never comes home" talk. The one they both dreaded having to ever think back on to know what to do.
That had been Jim's first wish, for him to keep a close watch over their children, look after them, keep them safe and cared for and protected.
"I will," he said firmly to himself.
The door chime of the room sounded and he didn't move. He didn't know who it was, but didn't much care. He had no desire to move until he had word of Christopher's condition, and he had been relieved from duty indefinitely.
The door access was overridden and the door slid open.
Spock remained perfectly still and silent, staring out at the stars as Leonard McCoy crossed the room to him.
He was surprised when the doctor sank down onto the mattress beside him and he rose into a sitting position so they could sit side by side on the edge of the bed, both still looking out at the stars, not at each other.
"Now we've got additional resources from the fleet, Christopher is out of chryo and on a ventilator. We're doing everything we possibly can for him, but we can't do much more until we get back to Earth," the doctor said, no trace in his voice of his usual gruff tone. He was softly spoken, quiet, timid even.
"Thank you doctor," Spock responded flatly.
He could feel his emotions rearing up inside of him, and he knew he didn't have the strength to push them back down.
He snatched up Jim's pillow, and in a way very far removed from his usual manner, hugged it close to his chest, continuing to stare blankly forwards.
"Molly Scott's traumatised, Ny's tryn'a talk sense back into her… Scotty don't know what to do… they're all a mess. Feel responsible," he said shortly and Spock closed his eyes.
"I am incredibly proud of Christopher's actions, as I am certain," Spock paused and took a deep breath. "As I am certain Jim would have been."
"Spock I-" the doctor began, his voice cracking almost immediately.
Spock turned his head to look at Leonard and the first tears escaped his own eyes.
"I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry," he breathed, eyes red and puffy from his earlier tears, the stress of the situation finally overcoming him. He wiped at his face with shaking hands as Spock allowed his own tears to run smoothly down his face.
"It was an inevitable end to our partnership. The calculated odds of us both reaching an age to die of natural causes were less than seven point four-"
"Spock don't. I don't wanna think about what you guys aren't gonna get to have," the doctor interrupted, wiping away more tears with the back of his hand.
"I am uncertain that our relationship would have lasted until that point, regardless of had we both survived and there had been no incident involving a ship either of us were on."
The doctor shook his head.
"Jim talked to me a lot in the times you were away. And yes, sure, he disliked it, hated the separation, but he didn't hate you Spock. He loved you. He always did, even when he didn't act like it," he finished softly.
Spock bit his lip as the first sob racked his body unexpectedly. He never allowed himself to weep; it was a wholly unfamiliar sensation.
Two more followed in quick succession and he buried his face into the pillow, unashamed of the doctor looking on from where he was sat beside him.
"I do not know how I will continue to function," he said in a strange voice, his throat oddly tight and constricted.
"We'll get you through it," the doctor said, uncomfortably setting his hand on Spock's shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting manner.
"I must ask you one question to which I require an honest answer to allow me to adequately prepare myself," Spock said, dark eyes looking up and meeting Leonard's hazel ones.
"Of course," he said quietly.
"Will our son survive his injuries?" he asked and the doctor looked away.
"I… I can't say. At this point. Leo's body regenerates in a way I haven't seen since Khan… or Jim, but neither Chris nor Seren seem to possess the same ability. Leo's given Chris a huge amount of blood, so we can hope it'll pass over and-"
"Why did this ability not prevent Leo's illness?" Spock asked, not tearing his eyes away from Leonards.
"Can't say. What I can say is that it sure as hell healed him of it though. It's as if he's never been sick in his life. I think he unlocked it, in his healing trance. He's hoping Chris will be able to do the same. I know you need your space right now Spock, but they need you, those three," he said and Spock blinked hard and nodded once.
"I am aware."
Spock stood and slowly walked the two paces from the bed over to the viewing portal, staring out at the dark expanse of space as it rushed past. They were headed for Earth along with the rest of the fleet that had arrived too late to help.
"If they hadn't have come out… we'd all be dead. They distracted them at the right time, got in the way at the right time, and then Jim… well… we'd all be dead if he hadn't done what he did. But the kids are heroes. All of them. Did incredibly."
"Their actions were highly commendable, however none of them are Starfleet officers and should not have been involved at all. David has not yet passed his piloting exam and should not have been at the controls of any ship, nor should Christopher. Leo has spent the entirety of his life blind and is recovering from serious illness as well as learning to see, and Molly Scott is a child. By interfering in the situation they were all in an extreme amount of danger. However. I admit that yes, you are correct. Without their assistance the likelihood of Enterprise, Intrepid or either of the crews having survived was not favourable," he conceded.
The two men looked at each other for a few long seconds before a fresh wave of tears spilled over Leonard's eyes as he got to his feet to stand beside Spock.
"I'm worried Spock. I'm worried I'll fail you all if I can't save Chris," he whispered and Spock frowned.
"You will have failed no-one," he said softly.
The two men were silent for a few long minutes. Neither of them would recall who initiated their embrace, but they would both remember for the rest of their lives the moment where they stood at the viewing portal, holding one another and crying into each others shoulder. Neither of them judged the other man, and neither of them would talk about it again, even acknowledge the fact that it had happened at all.
"I need to get back," Leonard said finally, the deep rumble of his voice reverberating through Spock's chest.
"I will accompany you," Spock said, sounding certain but nervous.
"It… it isn't the easiest thing you're ever gonna see," the doctor said gently as they stepped apart from each other.
"I am prepared," said Spock firmly and Leonard nodded once.
"Alright. Come see him."
"How's our friend doing?" Archer barked at his chief medical officer who looked up at him with his usual level of patience.
"He is awake and recovering. I would not recommend-"
"Is he talking?"
Phlox paused for a moment before answering with a short nod.
"I want to talk to him," Archer said firmly.
"Now hang on Captain, poor guy's been through a hell of an ordeal, you might be better to listen to the doc and-"
"Commander Tucker. I didn't request your opinion, thank you," Archer said firmly.
"Phlox, let's go. T'pol, Reed, with me. Trip you have the bridge," he said and the engineer nodded.
"Aye Captain," he said, turning on his heel and walking away.
Archer led the three down to sickbay and over to the only occupied bed.
The mysterious man was now bound by his wrists to the bed, though that seemed entirely unnecessary. He was maybe in his early thirties and borderline emaciated, hungry blue eyes staring out at them all, an expression of complete desperation on his face. He looked utterly exhausted and bereft, drained from his injuries and whatever his story was for being in the drifting shuttle at all. They'd found him alone, injured, hungry and scared. He'd been there several weeks, drifting alone in a shuttle with barely functioning life support and no other systems. How he had survived at all was a mystery.
"I'm Captain Jonathan Archer of the starship Enterprise, which is where you are right now. What's your name, son?" he asked and the man nodded in understanding.
"Commodore James Tiberius Kirk, Starfleet identification code four, seven, alpha n-"
"Commodore? Sir. Is this man a member of Starfleet?" Reed asked of his Captain who looked back to the man in the bed who quickly nodded, though looked as though the movement was taking all of his strength. He looked far too young to be of any rank near to Commodore, even Captain would be a stretch.
He grimaced in pain and tried to move a little bit.
"Admiral, please, I need to try and contact Spock, I have to find a way back to-"
"Admiral?"
"Captain," the man corrected quickly and T'Pol shot him a quizzical look.
"James Tiberius Kirk. I've been a member of Starfleet for over fifteen years, and I've never heard of you, and seeing as you apparently outrank me, that seems strange," Archer said, his face impassive.
James glanced at his wrists and then back up to the Captain.
"My apologies for the restraints, but as we don't know anything about you, I'm sure you'll understand it must be deemed necessary for the moment. We found you drifting in a federation shuttle, the identity of the-"
"It was a shuttle from the Enterprise, from myEnterprise. I must have got too close to the singularity, I was trying to lead them away… trying to save-"
"Captain I do not believe this man is sound of mind," interrupted T'Pol calmly and James shot her a glare.
"I'm inclined to agree sir, the man sounds completely barking mad," added Reed under his breath.
Archer was silent for a moment before turning his back on the man in the bed and facing his two crew members.
"Both of you back to the bridge for now, I'll deal with this myself," he said. T'Pol and Reed exchanged a glance before obeying and leaving sickbay in silence.
"Phlox can you give us a moment please?" he asked and the Denobulan nodded, scuttling away to the corner where he kept his numerous animals and beginning to feed them.
Archer leant forward and released the wrists of the man bound to the bed, helping him to sit up.
"Kirk. Talk to me. Tell me everything. Why did we find you in that shuttle? Who are you and where are you from?" he asked and the man nodded and swallowed hard.
"Could I have some water? Please?" he asked and the Captain nodded, handing him the glass that was perched just out of his reach.
He drank gratefully, draining the whole thing before handing it back.
"Doctor Phlox says you're lucky to be alive. Said you've been in that shuttle for the better part of two weeks. How did you survive?" he asked and the man nodded.
"Twenty one years ago I was involved in… an accident. Long story short I was killed by radiation and treated with the blood of a genetically enhanced superhuman to regenerate my cells. No doubt your CMO has run some of my blood and has detected the compound. My ship was involved in a confrontation with a much larger ship, it was these strange… I don't know. They were men, but they were machines, but they used to be men," he said with a shudder.
"We have encountered similar beings," Archer said, then changed the direction of the conversation.
"You're from Earth then, James?" he asked and the man nodded.
"Jim. Yeah. Earth. Iowa. Actually born in space, during the attack on the USS Kelvin, but I'm sure you know all about that," Jim said and Archer narrowed his eyes slightly.
"The Kelvin doesn't begin her maiden voyage for almost another standard month," he said and Jim's face fell.
"I really did fall through the black hole… this is all wrong, everything is… wrong," he said, voice sounding hollow as his realization dawned on him, eyes widening in panic.
"What's the current stardate?"
"Stardate? Today? Why does that matter?"
"Can we establish contact with New Vulcan from our current position?" Kirk asked, sitting up a little straighter.
"New Vulcan? I'm only aware of one Vulcan… and no, we're out of range. I…" Archer hesitated, looking at the pathetic man in the bed for a few more moments. His heart rate on the monitor was elevated as he began to panic.
"Tell me everything, Jim, start at the beginning. Tell me about you, and what you remember about where we found you," Archer said, trying to get him to keep talking.
"I… I already told you. Jim Kirk. Earth. I need to contact Spock, or my kids… or… anybody," he said weakly.
"Just take a deep breath and tell me everything," Archer said patiently, sitting down in the chair beside the bed and listening carefully as Jim began to speak.
He talked until his voice grew hoarse and he eventually passed out. His story seemed incredible, but he answered every question Archer asked him in a calm and composed manner. Until he began talking about this children and partner. Three of them, grown up, lending further weight to his claim of his genuine age of forty-five as opposed to the mid-thirties that he looked. When he spoke about them he lost his composure. He was worried about their wellbeing, worried about their safety and the health of his youngest son who had been recovering from a serious illness.
Archer left sickbay, instructing his CMO not to restrain Jim again. He was not going to be treated as a prisoner, and Archer decided to consult with his crew to decide what to do with the mysterious man from the drifting shuttle that all evidence supported had actually fallen through a black hole from another time-line.
David was there as his father drained fluid from the barely functioning lungs of his bondmate. He winced at witnessing the unpleasant procedure, after all, he'd always been squeamish, but is relieved when afterwards Chris's breaths seem to rattle a little bit less. He'd spent two days in Chryogenic stasis until they reached Earth and was now in a medically induced coma, on a ventilator, several IV lines in his arms, dermal regenerator doing its best to fix the mess that had been made of his chest and abdomen but seemingly barely doing anything to improve the appearance of the ruined skin.
"He needs a lung," the doctor said quietly. "His are too burned and shot full of holes to keep him going, and they won't heal well enough to support him for long. He inhaled right as the blast hit him, so all the hot gasses burnt up all the interior linings, all the gaseous exchange points that oxygenate his blood."
The suggestion was silent but David heard him loud and clear, giving his father a meaningful glance.
"Leo has already insisted. 'Use me as a spare-parts mart' he said. Kids crazy," the older man said, running a hand through his hair and sighing.
"If you do that, will Chris make it?"
There was a pregnant pause.
"I can't promise, all I can promise is that I can try."
David nodded and waited.
Seren works around the clock and is able to use the same technique she used to clone the piece of Christopher's brain to donate to Leo to clone Leo's lungs to donate to Christopher. His voice is hoarse after the procedure to collect cells, unsurprising considering he had a tube shoved so far down his throat it made David's eyes water just to think about it, but he is positive in his attitude about his twin.
Seren is too shell-shocked to say anything at all.
"He'll make it," Leo says, hand a reassuring weight on David's shoulder.
He says nothing in response.
Leo and Spock spend many hours at Christopher's bedside.
They do not often speak, but Leo continued to attempt to meld with his twins mind and though he gets no response he focuses on sending him as much positive energy as possible.
Dr. McCoy makes one feeble attempt at getting Leo to undergo a physical exam and accepts the young mans polite refusal.
Right now they all know the focus must be on his twin.
David is there when Chris is brought back from the double transplant two weeks later. It went perfectly, aside from Chris flat-lining. Twice. His newly re-constructed ribcage is all set in place, partially made up of the bone fragments that were salvageable, part made from titanium alloy.
He'll live, that's what counts.
David sits at his bedside and holds his hand, trying not to look at the crisp white bandages swathing his chest, trying not to look at the tube in his mouth forcing air into his lungs. He tries not to look at the burns on his upper left arm, the skin healed now but heavily scarred. But he does. He looks because he can't help it.
"You're doing so well, beautiful, I'm so proud of you," David tells him, stroking back a few stray strands of unkempt blonde hair from his face. It's two more days before Chris opens his eyes.
He can't talk, the ventilator prevents it, but he looks up at David and his brother with clear recognition in his eyes.
"Morning sunshine," Leo says with a weak smile. Chris stares up at him, face tight with pain, a small gasp causing the ventilator to stutter as he attempts to breathe for himself and finds that he can't.
Let me die.
David's eyes fill with tears as the thought echoes through his mind.
"Here, let me turn up your pain meds, let's get you a little loopy, huh? Do drugs under our supervision," Leo says, leaning to his brother's IV line and turning the dosage of pain relief to maximum.
David… it hurts. Make it stop. I want it to stop. Now. Please.
Leo hears it too, Chris' mental controls in tatters and broadcasting his thoughts freely to his twin.
David fights back tears and clutches at Chris' hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing the back of it.
Dark eyes fill with tears that spill down either side of his face.
Where am I?
"We're on Earth, we're home," David assures him.
They've been home over two weeks, and tomorrow is Christmas eve. Christmas is the last thing on anyone's mind.
Jim and Spock, and Seren? And Molly?
David took a shaky breath and closed his eyes tightly, turning his head so Chris wouldn't see the tears rolling down his cheeks. Leo steels himself and leans into his brother's ear.
"Molly is fine, you saved her life. Spock and Seren are just fine, they've been coming to see you a lot and they'll be back later," he promises.
Chris's eyes widen as Leo doesn't mention Jim.
"Don't. Don't make me say it, not now," Leo says quietly and Chris blinks in silent understanding.
Jim is gone.
"He's gone," Leo mumbles.
The younger twin holds onto his brother and David as they both fall apart, his own eyes staying stubbornly dry.
Seren and Spock are there later in the day, Seren doing her best not to think about any of the medical side of things. She just wants her brother to get better, but can't bring herself to have anything else to do with his treatment. Her hands shake when she gets anywhere near him and she can't focus on anything she spent years learning at medical school.
She's so afraid that every time Chris closes his eyes, he won't open them again.
Leo stays stubbornly beside him until Bones forces him to leave after realising the young man hasn't slept in over two weeks and is visibly trembling from exhaustion.
He comms his daughter who arrives to physically drag Leo away, apologising the whole time, but leaving David watching over Christopher, hand clasped to his and hope in his eyes.
"Leo?"
"Hm?"
"You alright?"
He gave a weak hint of a smile and a small nod but didn't meet her eye entirely.
"I'm fine," he lied quickly, not even hiding in his tone of voice that he was lying completely to her.
"It's ok if you aren't," she whispered and he sighed, burying his face into the pillow as they lay in her bed together. His shirt was on the floor and the pyjama pants of David's he had borrowed were a little too short in the leg, leaving an irritating sliver of ankle exposed to the cool air in the room if his feet ever slipped out from under the protection of the comforter.
"I need to keep strong for everyone," he said firmly, staring straight up at the ceiling.
"You're always so strong Leo, but for once you can have a moment of weakness. Talk to me, what are you feeling?" she offered and he tensed for a moment.
"When I'm ready, I'll take you up on that offer. Everything I feel right now is just too much verbalise," he said weakly, closing his eyes.
He let out a small sigh as she pressed her soft lips to his cheek, then his neck, one warm hand splaying across his chest, low on his ribcage right over his heart.
"I'm here for you," she said sincerely and he opened his eyes, finally looking at her through the half-light.
"Right now I'm scared for Chris, I wish I could take away the stress from David, I wish I could make Molly stop feeling responsible, I wish I could get Joanna to stop trying to blame herself for any of it that she was even marginally involved in. I wish I could get Seren to talk to me, because she won't talk to anyone and I can see her falling to pieces as much as she's trying to keep it together. I wish I could take away the pain from Spock… just for five minutes, because he's hurting so bad right now… and I just… if I could take it all, for everyone, I would. If I could go back in time and throw myself in front of Chris and take that explosion, I would. If I could fix Sulu, I would, but I think your Dad is finally hopeful he can undo what they were doing to him…" he trailed off and Emily nodded.
"Yeah. They were trying to assimilate him, infected his bloodstream with nanoprobes. The chryogenic stasis halted the process and he has found a way of destroying them with radiation therapy. I think they're starting tomorrow," she said softly and Leo nodded.
"Good. That's… good," he sighed.
Emily leant across and glanced at the time before leaning in to kiss his cheek again.
"Merry Christmas," she said softly.
"Really? Already?"
"It's almost two in the morning, so, a whole two hours," she said and he hugged her tightly.
"Then Merry Christmas Emily," he mumbled, kissing her lips gently as they both fell silent.
Emily fell asleep with Leo cuddled close, entirely unaware that he didn't sleep at all beside her that night, laying awake until he could hear activity in the house in the morning as Joanna pottered around in the kitchen making coffee.
He slipped from the bed, careful not to wake Emily, and pulled on his pyjama pants that were laying on the floor. It wasn't cold enough in the house to need the shirt so he didn't bother.
"Merry Christmas," Joanna offered with a weak smile as he wandered into the kitchen.
"And to you," he said flatly.
The silence in the room said it all.
"David stayed with Chris last night, camped by his bedside," she said and Leo nodded.
"I wondered if he might. I was going to go and see him now," Leo said and Joanna gave another weak smile.
"It's going to be a weird kind of day," she said, tears brimming in her eyes.
"I know. I know," he said, stepping forwards to hug her. She cried into his bare shoulder and he held her tightly, rubbing her back soothingly.
"It's ok," he said and she whimpered.
"It isn't. I miss him."
"Me too. I'd give anything to get him back," Leo admitted.
"Have you heard from Spock the last few days? Dad said he hasn't been around the hospital as much?" she asked and Leo shook his head.
"He's… in pieces. I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know how to begin to help him."
Joanna doesn't reply, because she doesn't have an answer.
"I'm really not supposed to be doing this you know," David sighed as he helped Chris to sit up.
"Rebel," Chris rasps and David smiles.
"It's because of that damn smile of yours, so convincing," he says, and Chris provides him with the exact smile he was talking about.
It takes Chris a few long minutes to get fully sat upright, the terrible gurgling sound from his chest making David feel nauseous. He hid his reaction, not wanting Chris to feel self-conscious of the fact it made him uneasy.
Since he'd been awake Chris was making excellent progress, Leo's seemingly superior blood accelerating his healing quite rapidly. He'd been sat up through the night, talking away quite happily and off his ventilator entirely. He was on a dramatically large dose of painkillers though, and both Seren and Bones were concerned about how they would wean him off of them when the time came.
"How did I know I'd find you breaking rules?" Seren asked from the doorway of the room and David turned to look at her.
"Oh come on Ser, not that many rules, I was just going to take Chris outside, just to see the lights, just for a minute," he pleaded and she took a deep breath and pursed her lips.
"Five minutes, and make sure he's warm enough," she said firmly.
Chris offered another winning smile and David carefully helps him into the hover-chair he had acquired from the corridor.
"Want Christmas dinner," Chris said weakly and David laughs.
"My Dad says you're gonna be on mush for a while yet sorry. I could bring you a Christmas dinner smoothie though, how's that sound?" he asked and Chris grinned.
"Like heaven."
"Yeah? I'll just throw it all in one? Turkey and vegetables and custard and pudding and mulled wine? In one go?" he offered and Chris pulled a face.
"Not quite so appealing," he said weakly and David chuckled.
"I'll split it into main course and desert, how's that sound?"
Chris doesn't answer as David carefully takes him to the back exit of the hospital, double doors leading out into a courtyard. There's fresh snow on the ground and David is careful to pull blankets tightly around his bondmate, right up to his chin.
"Jeez. Overkill much?"
"Don't want you getting cold love," David said, the last word having slipped out before he could stop it. Chris' eyes widened slightly and he quickly looked down at the floor.
David had no idea if Chris could remember what had happened on the ship, the final moments before he had finally lost consciousness, what David had said to him.
"Uh… sorry. Ready?" he asked, clearing his throat. Chris gave a small nod and David carefully pushed the chair out into the cold.
"See why all the blankets? It's like negative ten," David said and Chris rolled his eyes.
"'m not a baby," he protested.
David stopped at a bench and shoved the snow off it, sitting down with Chris beside him in his chair. Chris wrestled with the blankets covering him until he could wriggle his hand out.
He took David's hand before he could protest and locked his eyes on his face.
"I distinctly remember you being a hero up on the ship, Mr McCoy," he said faintly and David shrugged.
"Not as much of a hero as you." And nowhere near as much as Jim.
"You saved my life." His dark eyes were serious, his hand a firm grip on David's.
"No, I really-"
"You did. I remember. You got me help when I needed it, and you kept me calm and stopped me from trying to move around," Chris said, pausing to gasp for air once he was finished with his sentence.
"I guess I did," David admitted.
"Thank you, David," Chris said quietly, voice fading fast. Strictly speaking he wasn't supposed to be talking, he was supposed to be concentrating on his breathing and to breathe as slowly and deeply as he could at all times.
"Anytime. Just wish I'd got there twenty seconds sooner," he sighed, looking at Chris' face carefully.
His face was undamaged by the explosion but was tense with pain. David hadn't seen his chest since the wounds had been closed to see the scars, but his father had warned him that without extensive cosmetic surgery, Chris would always be disfigured from his injuries. It was unsurprising really, considering what the injuries had looked like.
"I'm glad you didn't, you might have died," Chris said, eyes drifting now, looking around the courtyard. Strands of lights hung from the fountain in the centre, the water not flowing due to the season, but the lights twinkled silver, dancing in an unpredictable rhythm that continued to change every few seconds.
"Chris I… I'm sorry, about what happened up there, about what happened here, at Starfleet, I'm sorry that I-"
Chris squeezed his hand to silence him.
"I know. I'm sorry too," he said, voice barely above a whisper now.
David took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment.
"I love you," he said softly, the tiniest trace of a smile ghosting Chris's lips.
He didn't respond with words, giving David's hand a small squeeze and closing his eyes.
It took David a few minutes to decide Chris had definitely fallen asleep, head lolling onto his shoulder. He carefully tucked his hand back into the blankets and pulled them up around his chin, making sure no cold air could get inside as he carefully took him back inside and to his room.
"I'm so sorry I let this happen to you Chris, I shouldn't have let you out of my sight… I should have… god damn it. I should have protected you," he whispered as he pondered just how he was going to get Christopher back into his bed.
"I'll never let anything or anyone hurt you ever again, I promise," he said softly, one hand finding the side of Chris' face and his lips brushing against his forehead. He stirred a little but didn't wake. David kissed his forehead again, as if doing so would help heal his wounds, remove his scars, take away the pain.
"And Jim. Jim is my fault," he whispered, warm tears rolling down his cheeks. "If I hadn't have been such an asshole, so quick and eager to get out there and help them… hell they probably would have figured something out on their own, nobody would have died, you wouldn't have gotten hurt and I-" David stopped talking abruptly. He took a deep, calming breath before reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a small black box with a silver ribbon tied neatly around it.
"Merry Christmas. I know it aint much… but… I wanted to give you this, I got it when I figured out how I really felt a couple of weeks back… because I want this… this us… it's for real, and forever, and I want it all," he said quietly, setting it on the bedside table where Chris would be sure to see it.
"Am I interrupting?"
David turned his head to see Leo in the doorway of the room. He gave him half a smile.
"No. I just took him outside for a minute, see the lights in the courtyard. Poor thing is all tuckered out, fell asleep right in his chair and I sure as hell aint strong enough to move him back to the bed," David said, trying to keep his voice light and carefree and sounding anything but.
"I'll move him, if you help, his damn long legs get in the way," Leo said, striding over.
Between the two of them they were able to carefully get Chris out of the hover-chair and back into his bed, safely tucked in.
"Do you think he'll be okay?" David asked quietly and Leo nodded immediately.
"Yeah. Of course. I mean… It'll take a while, gotta get everything functioning properly again first, find his limits. But yeah. I mean… we're good at bouncing back," he said with a small smile and David smiled in return. Leo didn't comment on the fact David had Christopher's hand clasped between the both of his own, thumb tracing over the soft skin there.
"Can't quite believe it really. I mean, I was pretty sure I wasn't going to see the year out at one point not so long ago, and then was worried Chris wouldn't. That damn hole in his chest was like nothing I've ever seen," he said, absentmindedly fidgeting with something on Chris' bedside cabinet.
David didn't comment but opened his mouth to object when Leo picked up the small black box he'd put there earlier.
"You got him this? I didn't get him anything. We don't really do gifts between us," he said and David watched him carefully as he picked it up.
"Heavier than it looks. What is it?" he asked.
David removed one of his hands from Christopher's and reached across to take it, removing the ribbon and opening it, handing the small, silver device back to Leo who turned it between his fingers. It was smaller than the palm of his hand, a silver, circular object of maybe only three inches across and half an inch thick.
"What is it?" he asked, scrunching up his face.
"Just… something I thought he'd like," David mumbled as Leo noticed the miniscule sensor on the object.
"It's a holo, fingerprint sensitive so only you guys can see it," he realised aloud and David nodded.
"Pretty cool. What's it of?" Leo asked and David took the device back, holding it balanced flat on the palm of his hand.
The hologram appeared and Leo grinned widely.
David and Christopher were very young, babies, David couldn't have even been a year old. They were babbling nonsense at each other, Christopher laughing and David giggling. They changed, now children, squabbling over something needless, still smiling. They aged again, no longer squabbling, but still smiling. Leo watched as the images continued to age until reaching their current age, the holo's taken only a few short months ago. Leo didn't fail to notice the inscription appear in the silver surface of the device in David's palm, two words in flowing script that were there and gone in a matter of seconds.
Ek'wak, kwon-sum.
Forever, always.
Sensing this was an incredibly personal message and not meant for his eyes, he looked away and David shut off the hologram by squeezing the disk slightly with his palm. David was blissfully unaware of the fact that Leo had been learning to read, and had seen the message and understood it.
"That's… wow. He'll love it," he said and David shrugged as he carefully replaced the emitter in it's box.
"I hope so. What my sister give you?"
Leo pulled from his coat pocket a pair of particularly lumpy knitted gloves.
"I always get cold hands, so she made me these," he explained as David looked at them.
"They're…both right handed?" he said, confused and Leo nodded.
"She couldn't figure out how to reverse the knitting pattern to make the left hand, but I can squish my thumb around and they fit pretty good. Warm too," he smiled and David rolled his eyes.
"You two are so adorable it makes me sick."
"Uh… thanks?"
Chris mumbled something to himself softly and nuzzled his face into the pillow, rolling onto his side.
"He's dreaming," Leo said quietly.
Seren re-entered the room, Bones, Joanna and Emily in tow.
"We're going to bring him home, take care of him there," Bones said and David's eyes lit up.
"Really?"
"Yeah, kid. He hates it here, and he's as physically healed as is required for him to leave. Paper-work is done, he's good to go," he said with a faint smile. He looked awful, everyone did. Dark circles under his tired eyes. Nobody could sleep thinking about Jim.
Leo leant over his brother, his mouth to his ear.
"Hey wake up, we're going home," he said softly, adding a gentle nudge of his shoulder. Chris groaned and recoiled from Leo's voice, pulling his blankets up and attempting to cover his face.
"Hey come on kid, or you'll miss dinner and Carol will be mad at you," Bones warned and Chris peeled back his blankets a little.
"Did you say food?"
"Uh huh. Not sure how much you'll manage, but you can give it a try under my supervision. Now come on, let's get you home," he said. David quickly snatched up the small box on Chris' bedside table and pocketed it before anyone asked questions. Dark eyes followed his movements.
Hey what is that?
David gave Chris a smile and helped him to sit up.
Later.
Christmas dinner was a bittersweet affair. Spock had joined them though hadn't eaten or said much, but the fact he was there was encouraging.
Chris managed two small mouthfuls of food before stopping. David watched him with care and concern that was not unnoticed by the others around the table.
"No really, I'm ok, just full," he said weakly, trying to stop everyone from worrying.
Emily was attempting to coax Leo into trying some turkey.
"I don't want it, it used to be cute and fluffy, I don't want to eat it," he said, shaking his head. Emily roared with laughter and Joanna who had overheard also joined her.
"Wait… cute and fluffy? What do you think a turkey looked like before we started eating it?"
"Well, I don't know what it looked like, but I'm sure it was at one point cute and fluffy," he protested, sniggers spreading around the table as everyone became aware of the conversation.
"Leo," Emily persuaded and he shook his head.
"No. Nuh uh. No," he said firmly and she mock-pouted.
"I'm so full I think I'm going to explode," groaned Joanna as she pushed away her empty plate.
"I got room for seconds," David smirked, piling his plate high again.
"Good man, eat yourself to death on the one day of the year it's acceptable," his father encouraged, also piling more food onto his plate.
Leo watched his twin watching the scene before them until he noticed. Chris' energy was flagging and he was desperate to go to sleep, to rest and allow his body time to focus on healing.
"Want a hand?" Leo offered, sensing Chris' desire to leave the table.
"Please," he mumbled and Leo nodded.
"Carol, Bones, thank you so much for having us all over," Leo said and Carol smiled.
"Of course, no problem. You guys aren't too hard to cook for either, just a load of extra vegetables," she smiled at the content of the plates belonging to Leo, Spock and Seren.
"I'm just going to help Chris, he wants to go lay down. Can we be excused please?" he asked and she nodded silently, more serious expression creeping onto her face.
Leo helped Chris up, and wrapped an arm around his back, Chris' arm draping over his shoulders.
"Couch?"
"Nah. David's bed," he said and Leo nodded.
"Sure thing boss."
The stairs were more of a challenge, Chris getting out of breath just taking the first one. He'd laughed faintly when Leo had scooped him up into his arms bridal style and carried him up.
"Where are we going?" he asked as they got to the top.
"Left, second door."
Leo carried his twin to the room, gently setting him down on the bed and apologising as Chris whined in pain.
"I'm so sorry, did I hurt you? Did I touch it? I don't know where I can and can't…" he trailed off and Chris shook his head.
"It's fine."
"Are you sure? I mean, it sounded like I hurt you, but you aren't due for more pain relief for… a while yet," he said. Chris closed his eyes and began to peel up his shirt, drawing it up as far as the bottom of his ribcage and then stopping, out of breath.
"Little help?"
Leo hesitated for a moment before assisting, very carefully helping Chris remove the shirt.
"I haven't even really looked yet, they wouldn't let me, in the hospital, didn't want me getting upset," he explained as he looked down at his own chest. Leo sat on the edge of the bed beside him, letting his own eyes take in his brother's shirtless state. Chris' eyes filled with tears, but didn't spill over.
"It isn't that bad," Leo reassured quickly and Chris wheezed out a laugh.
The entire upper-left portion of Christopher's chest was heavily scarred, angry and green. Burn scars moved away from the area where the large wound had been, and neater, smaller surgical marks could be seen scattered all over his torso, the largest of which ran right up the centre of his ribcage.
"It'll get better though. The green will die down once it settles," Leo assured him and Chris gave a small nod.
"It's made me realise I honestly don't care what I look like. Long as I'm alive," he said quietly as he traced his fingertips over the strangely numb repaired skin. "But I guess I wouldn't mind looking a little less like Frankenstein's monster," he chuckled and Leo smiled.
Are you alright?
Chris was distracted by his bondmate checking on him through their bond and went silent for a few seconds.
I'm good. Leo helped me up to your bed. I'm gonna take a nap, hope you don't mind.
"I'll leave you to get some rest," Leo said, standing up and leaving the room.
Chris wriggled under the blankets, wincing at the tightness in his chest as he wrapped himself up warm. He felt more comfortable with his shirt off, less constricted. It was an odd feeling though to have the blankets against his skin and not be able to feel them.
Spock checked in on Christopher, finding him fast asleep in David's bed, bare chest rising and falling slowly. His breathing was silent, a very good sign that his lungs were settling down and would continue to function correctly. Spock couldn't tear his eyes away from the markings on his son's skin, a horrific reminder of the day all of their lives had changed forever.
"He's doing good, Spock," Leonard's voice reached his ears and he turned, glancing at the top of the stairs where the other man was standing.
"I am relieved," Spock said shortly and McCoy gave him a weak half smile.
"Quiet without him," he said. Spock knew they weren't talking about Christopher any more.
"Very much so," he agreed.
"It'll be fine, eventually I mean," the doctor said sombrely and Spock closed the door to David's room as quietly as he could.
"Fine has variable definitions," Spock said in monotone. Jim had hated when he'd point that out to him. Spock longed for the argument, just once more.
"It won't be the same, but these three are fighters, everyone will recover, move forwards but not move on. He won't be forgotten," Leonard said and Spock blinked slowly, doing his utmost to remain calm and composed.
"I am certain he will not be."
Leonard fell silent.
"If you ever do want to talk about it, you know where to find me," he said. Spock fought the urge to raise an eyebrow and answered with two simple words, the gratitude in his voice not missed by the other man as their eyes met for a lingering moment of shared grief.
"Thank you."
A/N
I SUCK.
I'm so sorry for not getting this out any sooner. I hope the fact it's super super long makes up for it... a lot of work went into this one... it's been written in tiny chunks all over the place whenever I have a spare five minutes of time. So, sorry if there are any errors! I'll do my best to spot and fix them.
It's getting a little longer between updates but as I've said before, I PROMISE I will not leave this story unfinished. You guys are going to get the ending!
I know there's quite a bit of explaining to do after this chapter, but bare with me, that'll happen in the next part. Thank you endlessly for your patience with me, and for your thoughtful and constructive reviews, I appreciate you all very much :)
