A/N
Hi all, hope everyone is well? My apologies for the delay on this one, I moved home and in the process managed to smash my laptop to smithereens when it fell out of a box and onto the concrete driveway. Wonderful! Needless to say it's been a bit of a nightmare! I'm awful with computers (can just about switch one on... and that's about it) and with being so busy with moving, getting the data recovered just wasn't possible for a while. BUT. I got it back. I got the story back, I got the ending back (which we're ever so slowly creeping towards... I promise!)
Anyway, here we go. Anyone who has reviewed and expressed concerns about additional threads coming into the story, don't worry, I'm not leaving the story, all questions will be answered in the end, it will all be wrapped up, I promise!
Thank you to everyone who's reading this... I know I'm a bit of a nightmare for updating regularly. Hopefully now that I'm settled into my new place I can get a few pieces out relatively quickly. Anyway, enough rambling from me, enjoy the next part! Just a small warning for this one, it contains mentions of self-harm, depression and a suicide attempt. If that's a trigger for you then please proceed with caution.
Chapter Twenty-Five
***Three months later***
"Tea?"
The voice dragged Montgomery Scott out of the lengthy piece he was reading, a new theory on warp drives and the possibility of achieving eventually warp factor ten with this new technology.
He glanced up at his wife.
"Uh… no, thanks love," he said quietly.
"You haven't been drinking tea lately. I keep buying it but it's just stacking up. You used to drink it all the time," she said, leaning on the doorframe, dark eyes studying him carefully.
"I um… haven't felt like it," he said. He wasn't lying; he just didn't particularly want to go into detail.
The almost nine months he'd now been home was the longest he'd spent planetside in almost a decade, and it was messing with his head. He missed the clang and clatter of the ship. The hustle and bustle, the chaos that often was the engineering deck, even the hum of the engines that he'd so readily complained about keeping him awake when he was trying to rest were now missed so strongly it made his heart ache.
Nyota crossed the room, bare feet padding silently across the stone floor.
"You miss him," she said softly.
He sighed and set the PADD down entirely, looking up at the woman before him.
"Don't you?" he asked.
"Of course," she smiled sadly.
"It ain't just him. I miss the ship. I miss… Len. I miss Chekov, and Sulu… an'… we haven't even all been on the same bloody continent since his funeral, Ny, and I cannae stand it. I'm lonely," he admitted. She sank into the couch beside him, sitting close, one hand on his knee and her face open and sympathetic, listening actively.
"Why don't you see if maybe Leonard wants to-"
"He hasn't returned my comms in over two months," he said miserably, cutting off her suggestion.
"Well what about Sulu? Or Chekov? You could go over to San Fran for a week or two, spend some quality time. Go hiking? Go… anywhere. I know Leo made you a portable transporter," she smiled knowingly and he nodded.
"Aye. Bright kid," he said hollowly. "My whole bloody career and I couldn't make the things small enough to be pocket-sized."
"You've been avoiding him. He asked me why," she said and Scotty sighed deeply, running his hands through his hair and leaving a lengthy pause before he answered.
"It's like lookin' at a ghost," he mumbled.
"I know. It's tough. I know it is, but Jim wouldn't want us to all be falling apart like this," she said firmly. He looked at her carefully, not missing the tears glistening in her deep brown eyes and the way she was holding them back.
"I just can't believe he's been dead so long already," he said blankly.
"Six months isn't long in the grand scheme of things," Nyota pointed out.
"I know I just… he was gonna live forever, y'know? Do all these grand things and now it's all gone. Every fuckin' day I wish I could take it back. Wish I could go instead. Go with him even," he said, instantly regretting the last few words as his wife's eyes widened.
"Not like that, pet," he added quickly, his hand resting over hers now on his knee; giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"How…" he cleared his throat.
"How's Christopher doing?" he asked and she looked down at the floor.
"Stable… ish. Been going to classes, he's nearer the bottom of his classes than the top though," she answered.
They both fell into a long silence that was only interrupted by his communicator ringing. He stood to go and fetch it, picking it up from the sideboard and flipping it open.
"Scott," he said.
There was silence and he looked at the screen, the reader not giving him an ID of the inbound caller.
"Hello?"
Still silence. Nyota narrowed her eyes slightly as he opened his mouth to speak again.
A loud burst of static rang out from the communicator, then nothing.
"Is anybody there?"
The silence continued until a final click, the call disconnecting.
"Bloody weird," he said, bringing the comm. with him and sinking back into the couch.
"We should go to San Fran, visit Molly. Can't keep expectin' her to come home to visit us all the time," he said and she smiled.
"That'd be nice. Can't say I'd mind leaving the Scottish weather behind for a little while," she chuckled and he smiled, draping one arm around her shoulders and pulling her close, breathing in the smell of her hair. Coconut. He'd always missed it when they'd been apart and now that they'd been in the same place for so long, he wondered how he'd ever lived without it for months at a time.
They talked a while longer. He had two whiskeys. She went up to bed, he promised to join her when he'd finished reading the theory he'd been sent. He hadn't mentioned to her that it was Leo who'd written it and sent it over.
His comm. rang again a while later, long enough that he was heavily engrossed in the paper and it made him jump quite spectacularly.
"Monty Scott at your service," he answered, feeling a little merry after his two generous drinks.
Scotty it's Jim.
Scotty tensed.
"J-Jim?" he stammered.
Yeah hey, I need a little help with moving this weekend. Spock isn't gonna be back and I need you to watch the kids while I shift stuff. Shouldn't be too bad. Chris and Seren can help, I just need you to keep Leo company. You about?
Scotty was silent. He'd had this conversation with Jim. But this conversation had been over ten years ago.
"I… hello?" he asked, deciding he must be imagining things.
Yeah that'd cool, just whenever you have some time. Nah, I haven't talked to him, he's driving me crazy. Not being helpful at all right now… selfish bastard.
Scotty snapped the comm. closed and threw it onto the couch next to him.
He must be tired. That's all. Or tired and a little tipsy. He was imagining things.
He left his comm. on the couch and crept up to bed, falling into a restless sleep and trying to decide if he'd imagined the comm. call or not.
*~*~*~*~*PAGE BREAK*~*~*~*~*
Flashback – one month
Chris slammed the door of the bathroom cubicle. He was hyperventilating, he knew it, he just needed his meds.
He'd given up on using the hypo, it was far too much time to waste with loading it up. He was using plain old needles instead, much simpler, faster, and cheaper too.
He retrieved everything he needed from his rucksack and wrapped the tourniquet around his upper arm, holding it tight with his teeth and waiting until he got a good vein. They'd been getting more and more difficult to find lately, almost as if his body was tying to protect itself from what he was doing.
He found one and sunk the needle in slowly, gasping with relief as the beautiful numbness flooded his body.
He waited about five minutes. Two people used the other bathroom stall in that time, he kept track of them, making sure they weren't aware of what he was doing.
He re-packed his things and walked out, washing his hands and looking at his face in the mirror.
If you didn't know him, you'd think nothing was wrong. If you couldn't see the desperate sadness in his eyes, he'd look just like any other cadet.
His grades were good enough; he was just struggling to keep them that way. The pain was getting worse every day, and much as Bones tried to lure him into the hospital, or David tried to coax him into going, he refused. Alcohol was the best cure. Never when he had class, but always afterwards. Every night. Sometimes David didn't know, Chris had pushed him into starting to come out drinking too. It affected David long before Chris so he wasn't difficult to lie to.
Their relationship was in tatters. Crushing depression and chronic pain pushing Chris to his absolute limit, and the lies he was funnelling through the bond keeping David convinced that he was doing alright.
It got to the five month anniversary of Jim's death and Chris couldn't take it. He locked himself in the apartment when David was at work, slashing his wrists and waiting for the end to come. He'd sobbed as he watched the skin stubbornly close up mere minutes later, stemming the stream of jade liquid before eventually disappearing without a trace.
Chris' blood could heal him, it just couldn't fix him. His scars were permanent, only new injuries would be healed by his now uninhibited blood.
He waited a few more days for David to be at work again before he tried harder.
David got home tipsy from drinks he'd been bought on his shift. He let himself into the apartment, tripping over a pair of Chris' shoes on the way in and stopping dead when he noticed the PADD sitting on the couch, an old photo of Jim and Chris staring up at him.
"Chris?" he called, reaching out through their bond and finding nothing but a feeling of cold dread.
The bathroom was locked and Chris wouldn't answer. David called Leo and between the two of them they got the door broken down within minutes, David beginning to cry uncontrollably as he saw the still figure in the bathtub full of stained green water.
Leo heaved him out, yelling for him to wake up, yelling for David to call help. David stood there in shock.
Chris had almost bled out. Almost, but not quite.
When he'd woken up in the hospital with a puffy-eyed David at his side he'd ripped his IV's out of his arm and demanded he be escorted out, barely looking at him as he was.
-End flashback-
Leo let himself into Chris' apartment, finding him sitting on the couch reading an old paper book.
"Hey, how are you?" he asked. Chris looked up.
"I am well," he answered in monotone.
"Me too," Leo said.
"I saw David today. He said he's looking forwards to seeing you, when you're ready," he said gently. Chris looked back to his book before blinking slowly and putting it down on the coffee table.
"I think David would be best to move on, Leo," Chris said firmly. Leo didn't give up. He pushed his now long hair back off his face and continued trying.
"He won't give up on you. You shouldn't give up on you either," he said and Chris snapped his book closed, gripping it so tightly his knuckles were turning white.
"And why not?" he demanded aggressively, raising his voice at his younger twin who flinched away only very slightly.
"Because… because we love you, Chris, and we want you back. We all do," he said, glancing around the apartment. He counted over ten empty liquor bottles but saw no evidence of any drug use.
Chris didn't answer. He sat staring at the space just beside Leo's leg on the couch, but not at him.
"I graduate next week. I'd like it if you'd be there?" he asked.
Chris didn't answer.
Leo rolled up his sleeve on his left arm, turning it over so the inner side was exposed and leaning closer to his brother.
"I got this, you like it?" he asked, flashing the fresh tattoo at his twin who glanced at it briefly before grabbing his twins wrist and looking at it more closely.
"What is it?" he asked, tilting his head to try and see clearer, immediately turning away when he saw what it was.
The Starfleet command emblem, filled in with an intricate pattern common in ancient Vulcan artwork. The words 'To Boldly Go' were running up one side of the triangle, along with two dates that Christopher immediately recognised as Jim's date of birth and death.
"It's cool. Who did it?" Chris asked blankly.
"A guy I met a couple weeks ago. I really did my homework on the studio… if it's forever it better be good, right? I'm really happy with it. It didn't even hurt, I actually fell asleep, pretty hilarious," he said animatedly.
"He design it too?"
"No… I… uh… I did that. Drew the stencil, he just inked it on," Leo said shyly.
"You drew this?" Chris asked, looking at it again and raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah. Turns out now I can actually see, I'm not awful at that whole artistic thing… I drew you something," Leo said, taking a sketchbook from his backpack and handing it over to his brother.
He flicked through the pages. There were a few drawings of buildings in there, a few of ships, a couple of Seren looking effortlessly beautiful as ever, and then the last page with something so large it ran right off the edge of the page. Chris looked at it before tilting the book on it's side, recognising something he had seen in the middle of the intricate design.
USS ENTERPRISE
NCC-1701
"Is this…?"
"It's the Enterprise's blueprints. I was thinking of getting the whole thing over my body… but then I thought what if you wanted to, instead? You briefly mentioned it before right?"
"I don't know if I was serious," Chris said, absentmindedly allowing one hand to rest protectively on his chest.
"Well, decide. I don't think we should match, and if you don't want it then I do," he said, taking the sketchbook back and putting it into his bag.
"You heard from Emily?" Chris asked, almost sounding like his old self.
"Um… no. I've been keeping track of where she is, making sure she seems like she's safe and stuff. I'm not going to push it," Leo said expressionlessly.
"Stalker," Chris smirked.
"Not stalking… just… keeping an eye. Reading interviews in magazines and things. Just making sure she's alright. Those dudes in her band seemed like assholes."
"And by that you mean males and therefore people who might want to have sex with her," Chris pointed out and Leo rolled his eyes.
"I may not want them to have sex with her…" Leo admitted.
"Could you just go and like… get it over with already?" Chris asked and Leo sighed, sinking back into the couch.
"I tried. I went to talk to her, remember? She wouldn't have any of it. Says she wants nothing to do with Starfleet and that life and what her parents expect from her. Anyway, it's not important. What about you? How are you doing?" he asked and Chris looked surprised.
"You're trying to kill yourself with alcohol, stopped going to the Academy and barely keeping up your grades with distance classes, you've thrown your bondmate out of his home and won't return his calls, he's living with me by the way, and you look like you've given up on life," Leo pointed out bluntly and Chris buried his face in his hands.
He was silent for a moment before he answered.
"I don't feel like I'm worth David's time. I'm never going to shake off this… I don't know… dark cloud. I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. Drinking dulls it but it never goes away," he admitted and Leo sighed, running his hands through his hair again.
"I'm going travelling, Chris. I'm taking a year out, deciding what I want to do with my life. I'm going to backpack around the world. Just Earth, but I want to see it," he said and for the first time Chris met his eye properly.
Don't leave me flashed across their mental link.
"I want… I want you to come with me," Leo said. He didn't ask, he just said.
Chris was silent for a long time.
"I want you to go and have an amazing adventure, explore, see things, find yourself. Whatever it is that you're going looking for," he said and Leo looked back at his twin.
"That a no?" he asked and Chris gave a small but genuine smile.
"I've found what I need and it's here, I just need to… get myself back together before I ruin his life as well as my own. I love him… and this isn't fair. I need to get better. David doesn't want this for me, and Jim wouldn't either," Chris said quietly.
Leo crossed the room and wrapped his brother in a tight hug.
"He'll be so pleased to know you've said that."
*~*~*~*~*PAGE BREAK*~*~*~*~*~*~*
David walked a little faster, keeping his head down.
He was lonely at campus. Joanna was always busy, Molly Scott seemed to actively avoid him, and his group of friends from his classes had died in the attack on the Intrepid.
He tended to sit alone in class, just getting on with the task at hand, not really worrying about socializing. He'd often be thinking about one person in particular and how much he wanted to be there with them rather than sitting in class.
He knew Chris was about to flunk out unless he got his grades up significantly in the next exams. He also knew that pushing Chris to study harder would be a stupid thing to do. After he'd had him thrown out of the hospital David had obeyed Chris' wishes and stayed away from him.
Leo had promised he was going to call him after he'd been over to see him, and David knew that call was likely to be coming any time soon.
As he got closer to Leo's place and further from campus he didn't keep his head down quite so much. Around Starfleet people would stare at him, whisper things about Chris or Jim, or sometimes Spock. David found it difficult to ignore when he was alone and normally just tried to be inconspicuous so as to not attract any trouble.
He used his key to let himself in and slumped onto the couch, pulling a thick old paper textbook from his backpack and opening it at the marked page.
Diplomatic Reasoning and Interspecies Relations
He'd been practically falling asleep after one paragraph, and he still had hundreds of pages to go.
After a short while he did fall asleep and was woken by the front door clicking closed. He opened his eyes a little and groaned.
"Leo get me a soda, would you?" he asked, stretching out and grimacing at his dry mouth and sore back.
A cold can was pressed into his hand and a heavy weight slumped onto the couch next to him.
He opened his eyes again and was not met with Leo.
"Chris," he said, quickly sitting up straighter, running a hand through his hair.
"I'm sorry," Chris blurted out.
"It's ok. I understand. You're grieving and you're been through such a traumatic-"
"No. It's no excuse. I'm going to rehab. I signed up today. I'm going to be gone thirty days and when I come home I promise you I'm going to treat you how I always should have," he said sincerely.
In his eyes he looked a lot more like himself than the last time David had been this close to him.
"Before I leave tomorrow, would you come somewhere with me?" he asked and David nodded.
"Of course, anywhere," he said.
They were both silent for a moment.
"Open your soda, I can tell you're desperate," Chris smiled weakly and David clicked the can open, gulping it down quickly until it was around half gone before setting the can on the coffee table in front of him.
"David I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking clearly of the pain I was causing you. And the night that I tried to… to get away from it all... I didn't think of what it might do to you, or to anyone else. I've been so selfish," he said, voice full of emotion.
David tentatively took his hand.
"I just want you better, whatever that takes," he said quietly.
Their lips met, just barely brushed against each other. It was all they needed to both understand. Chris needed time to put himself back together.
It took them a little under half an hour to reach Jim's memorial site. It was odd being there after dark with it so quiet around, but Chris walked purposefully through the rows of graves and tributes. His hand was trembling slightly where it was connected with David's, and he couldn't pretend to ignore the raw emotion he could feel pouring through their bond.
Sadness made up most of it, but there was anger there too and a deep shame for the way he'd dealt with things.
David said nothing as they finally reached the stone. There were flowers there, a lot of people sent flowers. Chris didn't bend down to read any of the messages. He stood directly in front of the stone then dropped to one knee, letting go of David's hand and placing his palm flat against the grey granite.
"I'll make you proud, Dad. I'm sorry that I let you down, but that's over now. Things are going to change," he said. His voice shook as he struggled to maintain his control of his emotions, but he sounded determined.
"He'd be so proud of you Chris," David said, finally feeling it was an acceptable time to speak.
"Not yet. But he will be," Chris said, sighing deeply and closing his eyes for a moment before standing up.
"I'm ready now," Chris said quietly, turning back to face his bondmate who nodded and hugged him briefly before they turned and left.
David helped Chris to pack some things, stayed up with him talking through the night, and gave him a small kiss goodbye the next day, knowing that painful as it would be for them to be apart, it was for the best.
~*~*~*~*~*PAGE BREAK*~*~*~*~*~*
Jim paced his guest's quarters. He'd had a sick, nervous feeling in his stomach since he'd seen Spock Prime on the ship earlier that day, and it was now late at night according to the ship's time, and the hallways would be deserted.
He could go and find him.
Ask him if he was here to help him, if he was the right Spock, if there was even a way back.
Or he could wait and see if Spock came to him. Surely if he was the right Spock from the right timeline and he knew who he was, he would seek him out?
His thoughts were interrupted by the door chime. He crossed the room and opened the door, glancing up and down the corridor before granting access to the man standing there.
"Where did we meet?" Jim asked.
"Delta Vega," Spock Prime answered smoothly.
"What was the name of the Rom-"
"Nero," he interrupted.
"And which member of my family lived to see me become Captain, in your timeline?"
"Your father. Jim we do not have time to play silly games. I am who you think I am, old friend," he said and Jim relaxed, allowing his arms to fall to his sides from where he'd been holding them tensely, hands clasped behind his head.
"Do you know what's happened to me?" Jim asked, deciding that was the best question to ask first.
"I do," Spock Prime began, moving gracefully across the room and seating himself in one of the two chairs at the small table in the corner of the room.
Jim didn't sit opposite, he continued to pace, glancing expectantly at the elderly Vulcan from time to time, waiting for the explanation to come.
"You are aware of the bomb, the sheer force creating a small singularity?" he asked and Jim nodded.
"This left quite the trace in our timeline. The debris field is enormous and very dangerous, deemed so dangerous in fact that no search has been carried out for remains of any lost crew. I used the ship we confiscated from Nero and then kept secret to search the area myself. I quickly concluded from my readings that you were not dead as believed and had somehow fallen through the black hole. Using red matter-"
"Wait. Where did you get that?" Jim asked, stopping his pacing for a moment.
"I am not entirely senile, Jim. My memories remain perfectly intact. I created it myself in secrecy, risking heavy prosecution if I had been discovered. Fortunately I was not and was able to take a gamble that creating a black hole in the exact same location would press against the existing weakness in the fabric of space time that you journeyed through, and would place me here. Under the guise of an unrelated mission, I made contact with this Enterprise and this crew, and was fortunate enough to find you aboard by chance. I feared I may be too late to find you alive," he said solemnly and Jim tensed.
"What do you mean too late? I've been gone what, under three weeks?" he asked and Spock Prime looked down at his own hands on the table for a moment before meeting Jim's eye once again.
"In your timeline it has been half a year," he said, voice barely containing his sadness at having to bring that news to Jim. Jim's face fell.
"Six months? So… they've all thought I've been dead all this time? Spock and the kids? And…Bones? Everybody? They all believe I'm dead?" he asked, voice rising as he struggled to control himself and the tsunami of despair crashing over him.
"I am afraid so," Spock Prime said sadly.
Jim took a deep breath and clenched his eyes tightly closed, reaching for his bond with Spock desperately and finding an uncomfortable numbness where the rich pool of emotions had once been inside his mind.
"How… how are they coping?" Jim asked and Spock Prime looked down at the floor, sighing. Jim strode over to the table.
"You can't tell me they've been thinking I was dead this whole time and then not tell me how they're dealing with it. Tell me?" Jim asked, not forcefully, but not gently either.
"They are… their reactions have been mixed," he answered honestly.
Jim lowered himself into the opposite chair and waited patiently for the answer to his question.
"Spock has remained on the planet for the sake of the children. He is… functional yet somewhat reclusive. Seren has sought the help of a Vulcan grief counsellor. She appears to be managing her loss effectively. Leo has graduated at the top of his class and elected to spend one terran year travelling the planet before considering application to Starfleet, I believe he is intending to carry all of his possessions in one pack-"
"Backpacking?" Jim offered and Spock Prime gave a small nod.
"I believe so. He is filled with much optimism for what he will learn on his journey. I have never heard him mention you and I am concerned he has repressed emotions which may one day make a resurgence."
Jim was silent for a moment, trying to ignore how much the thought of Leo going backpacking for a year alone worried him.
"How about Chris? How's he doing? And David? Are they still bonded?" Jim asked and Spock Prime looked at Jim with eyes full of sadness.
"My latest information regarding Christopher is… Jim it is not good news. He has been struggling with severe pain and-"
"Pain? From what? Did he get hurt?" Jim asked, voice rising again as a lump began to rise in his throat.
He couldn't stand the thought of his family hurting as they mourned for him. He hated not being there to be able to help them, the thought of it made him feel physically sick.
"Christopher recently attempted to… take his own life," Spock Prime said quietly and Jim bit the inside of his cheek, cold dread rising inside of him.
"He was injured severely in the attack on the Enterprise and Intrepid and will for the remainder of his life have to actively manage his pain levels with medication. He began to combine this medication with excessive consumption of alcohol and other medications until he lost all control of his emotions. I believe the loss of one parent has affected him the most deeply. I believe he and McCoy are still bonded, but I am unsure of the present state of their relationship," he finished and Jim let his head fall into his hands.
"Jesus, Spock. I have to get home. Please tell me that you know how?"
Jim felt his eyes fill with tears and did nothing to stop them from spilling down his face.
"Please," he breathed, not caring at all quite how pathetic he may have sounded.
His family needed him, and he needed them.
"Jim… I… I do not know how," Spock said. He sounded truly heartbroken.
"But… but you got here?! Surely you can get us back there?!" Jim spluttered.
"It is not that simple. The particular gravitational signature of the area of space where you fell through the singularity determined you ending up here. We would require an area of space with a near identical signature to be able to make the return journey. This is something we may never find."
Jim stood up rapidly, kicking his chair over and out of the way, rage rising rapidly.
"Then why did you come here? Huh? To tell me my husband has become a recluse? To tell me my son is so depressed that he tried to kill himself? What am I supposed to think Spock?! I'm powerless to help them, and at the rate their time is passing in relation to ours, maybe by the time we figure something out they'll all be dead. All I'll have never-" Jim stopped abruptly. All anger evaporating from his voice in an instant.
"I'll have never got to say goodbye," he whispered, crumbling into a weeping ball on his bed. He was vaguely aware of Spock placing a hand on his shoulder, attempting to quieten him.
He didn't care if Spock Prime saw him cry. He didn't care if he had yelled at him even though all he had done was risk his life to try and help him.
All he cared about was that he wanted to get back so badly it physically hurt his whole body.
"What if we took your ship and searched for a good area of space on our own? Without Enterprise?" Jim asked and the Vulcan shrugged.
"Possible. However the Enterprise's scanners are much more powerful and more effective at locating something so specific. Do you know of any way you could gain access to the main sensory array?"
Jim sat up and snorted.
"I'm basically one level above being a prisoner. I don't have access to anything," he said and Spock Prime looked thoughtful for a moment.
"Perhaps I could add to my deception? Imply that I require use of the sensory array for my mission?"
"Would that work?" Jim asked quickly.
Spock Prime gave a wry smile.
"Jim, I have already convinced this crew of many things. They are under the impression that I am a very important diplomat. I'm certain that such a request could be honoured if I were to ask correctly. I ask of you to be patient, I must be very careful if I do not wish to jeopardise our chances of success," he explained clearly and Jim nodded desperately. He would do anything if it meant getting back home, even if it meant doing nothing at all until the time was right.
"I will leave you to rest. It is time I retire to my own quarters for the evening," he said, bowing his head and turning to the door.
"Wait," Jim said quickly, sitting on the edge of the bed now. The elderly Vulcan turned to face him.
"Why are you doing this? Helping me like this?" he asked.
"Because I have the opportunity to give my counterpart something I so desperately wanted and never had. Goodnight, Jim," he said, leaving the room with one last moment of lingering eye contact.
Jim sat on the edge of the bed for a while longer, his brain whirling around like a tornado. It sounded like things were awful at home and at the current rate of time passing in that universe in comparison to his current location, his family might have to suffer a lot longer before he could get back and start improving things for them.
*~*~*~*~*~*PAGE BREAK*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Six more months passed in a haze.
Chris came back from rehab with renewed focus on wanting to succeed at Starfleet. He selected his track, tactical analysis, and was quickly catching up to the other students in his year. David wouldn't graduate for another year due to a poor semester whilst Chris had been going through the worst of his troubles, but he didn't mind if it meant he got to spend more time with Chris.
A lot of his new command track classes intersected with Chris', so they were able to see a lot of each other during the day.
Spock had begun giving lectures on applied sciences at the Academy. To Seren and Chris it was obvious he wasn't particularly interested in it, but it meant he was able to stay on the planet and for that they were grateful.
Seren had continued to see her counsellor. Some months only once; other times once a week. The comfort of knowing that he was there if she needed him was a huge support to her. She was working at the hospital still, but had been approached by Starfleet several times about training to become a medical officer aboard a Starship. She'd politely declined.
The end of the year for Christmas break was an uncomfortable time for everyone, knowing that the anniversary of Jim's death was coming up, silently counting down the days.
Leo sent postcards frequently, but made no mention of when he'd be coming back. He was currently in Australia, he'd chased the warm weather down into the southern hemisphere and decided to engage in a rare video-comm. with his twin on the day before the anniversary.
"Hey stranger," Chris greeted as the video clicked into life.
"Hello handsome," Leo grinned, waving to the camera eagerly.
"Oh stop," Chris smirked, flapping his hand and pretending to be embarrassed.
"How's the land of Oz?" he asked and Leo sighed contentedly.
"Cold beer, good surf and beautiful women by the boat-load," he said, pushing his hair back off his face. It was growing long and he was beginning to train it into dreadlocks. The assortment of beaded bracelets that were accumulating on his arm rattled as he moved.
"Sounds like a Kirk's dream," Chris winked.
"It's… not awful," Leo smirked, winking at a girl he had spotted across the pool and grinning a little as she winked back, starting to move her hips from side to side a little bit more as she walked.
"So you're surfing?" Chris asked and Leo nodded enthusiastically.
"Turns out I'm pretty good at it."
"You can teach me when you get back to San Fran," Chris said, glancing up as David got home.
"I… yeah, sure that'd be great," Leo said.
"What?" Chris asked, picking up the uncomfortable change in tone in his brother's voice.
"I don't know when I'm coming back just yet. Too many memories, y'know?" he said and Chris looked down for a moment.
"Tell me about it. You know it's… tomorrow, right?" he asked and Leo nodded.
"You guys doing anything for it?" Leo asked and it was Chris' turn to sigh.
"There's a ceremony here. I think all the crew are going to be here for it. Not a lot else. You going to do anything?" Chris asked.
"I'll light a candle for a while," he said quietly. He cleared his throat and changed the subject.
"So, how's David?" he asked and Chris smiled.
"Ask him yourself," he said as David took the invitation and piled onto Chris' lap, diving into the view of the camera.
"Hey Leo, g'day mate!" he said in a particularly poor impersonation of an Australian accent.
"That was poor," Leo laughed.
"Yeah… accents aren't really my thing," he said, leaning back against Chris' chest and relaxing.
They both looked so… happy. Leo felt a twang of jealousy which he quickly pushed down.
"So how's command track suiting you? Going to be captain this time next year?" Leo asked and David snorted.
"Ensign more like. They recommend it's around eight years to get your own ship, that's unless your name is Jim Kirk then it's about five minutes," he said, smiling. Leo didn't want to smile, he forced himself to, but he didn't want to.
There was a reason he didn't call home often, a reason he didn't really want to go back at all. It made him hurt. It made him miss him.
"I should graduate this time next year and get straight out on a ship if all goes according to plan," he said and Leo nodded.
"That's awesome news. Top of your class yet Chris?" he asked and his brother shrugged.
David prodded him in the side and he squirmed.
"I'm like… second from top," he said and David rolled his eyes.
"He could be, he just never studies at home."
"Do to!"
"Do not!"
"Do to!"
"Do not!"
Chris shut up his bondmate by kissing him firmly. Leo rolled his eyes and looked away, his own eyes wandering over the curves of a young woman lounging on the other side of the pool. She was just his type. Tall, tanned, and with the perfect balance of curves and toned muscle. He licked his lips briefly before glancing back to the PADD, finding his brother and bondmate now more engrossed in each other than paying any attention to him.
He cleared his throat loudly and they both looked up.
"I'll leave you guys to it, you seem uh… busy. It was good to talk though, we'll have to do this again soon?" he said and they both agreed. The speed with which they left the conversation told Leo that if they weren't already busy they very shortly would be.
His eyes strayed over to the beautiful woman once more before he forced them back to the PADD. He had one more call to make today before he got on with anything else.
He waited for the call to connect and cleared his throat a little just as it did.
"Son, it is pleasing to make contact with you," Spock said. He looked anything but pleased, but he always looked miserable these days.
"Hey Spock, it's good to see you," he forced himself to say, sounding enthusiastic.
"I trust you are in good health?"
"I am. How about you?" he asked and Spock inclined his head slightly in a short nod.
"I am well. What is the progress of your travels?"
Leo chuckled.
"Did you get my postcards?" he asked. Spock's lips pursed.
"I am reluctant to inform you that I only return to the house once a week to collect mail items. I have not received any this week," he said and Leo frowned.
"Once a week? Where do you live now?" he asked and Spock shifted in his seat.
"I am presently residing in accommodation on campus."
"You're living in one of those Starfleet apartments?" Leo asked and Spock nodded.
"You're crazy," he sighed, looking away for a moment.
"Well. I'm in Australia. I love it here. I've been learning to surf and I've learned a lot about their culture here. I've also made some friends who are also travelling. They're staying in the same hostel as I am," he explained and Spock raised an eyebrow.
"A hostel?"
"Like a bunkhouse where everyone shares. Bed, shower, it's all I need. Really, it's fine Spock. A lot of people do this and it's totally fine."
Spock raised the other eyebrow.
"You sleep in a mixed gender dormitory?"
"Every single night," Leo answered.
"Where do you change your clothes?" Spock asked and Leo sighed.
"In the middle of the street," he answered sarcastically. Spock's eyebrows were now so high Leo feared they might fall off, so elaborated for him.
"In the bathroom like everybody else does. Or in the bedroom if it's quiet. Nobody cares, everyone here is very open," he said. He tried not to give away in his facial expression just how open some people at the hostel were but Spock could read him too well.
"How many of the female's in your hostel have you engaged in intercourse with?" he asked and Leo snorted.
"None of your business," he answered, smirking as he took a sip of his beer.
"You know how this behaviour ended for Christopher, that is all I will say on the matter. How may I help you?" he asked and Leo frowned.
"Help me?" he asked, confused.
"What is the purpose of this call?" Spock asked and Leo felt annoyance bubble up.
"Do I need a purpose? Can't I just call my dad and tell him hello? And what I've been doing?" he demanded.
"Calling for no purpose is illogical," Spock said.
"Well. I'm sorry. I'll take my illogicalness elsewhere. Bye Spock," Leo sighed, cutting off the comm. and setting the PADD down underneath his sun lounger, picking up his beer and taking a longer sip, then a moment later another one.
Spock could always grind his gears almost instantly. Just one moment of his irritating super-Vulcan emotionless act and Leo had lost all patience for him. He wished he could be close to him like he'd been with Jim, but Spock had just never understood in the way Jim had. Since Jim's death it had been even worse. He knew that Seren still saw Spock all the time, but since he'd left for travelling, Leo had barely kept in contact with him save for the postcards, which if he wasn't even getting them there was no point in continuing to send.
He shook it off and stood up, pulling his tee over his head and striding towards the beautiful woman who was now sleeping by the looks of it.
He smirked to himself as he neared her, picking up the entire lounger with ease and throwing the whole thing into the pool, jumping in right afterwards.
The girl shrieked and as he surfaced she pushed his head immediately back under water. Play fighting with her gave him a chance to feel her body against his, stirring something within him that he'd become all too familiar with.
She allowed him to surface and he pushed the water out of his eyes, turning to face her and raising one hand out of the water, offering it to her.
"Leo Kirk," he offered, smirking.
She glared at him before turning and swimming to the edge of the pool, gracefully lifting herself out in one movement and stalking over to another sun lounger and sitting back down.
"Not a fan of swimming?" he asked, approaching the edge.
"Not a fan of surprises," she answered back.
"Aww, I'm sorry. I thought you were overheating so I was only trying to help," he shrugged, putting on his best puppy-dog eyes.
She looked at him for a moment and he hauled himself out of the pool, making sure to flex each muscle in turn, keeping his eyes locked on hers with a clear message written on his face.
Less than five minutes later there was a knock on the door of his room. He answered it as he was the only one in the room at the time.
"Can I help you?" he asked as he opened the door to find the same girl from the pool standing in front of him. Wet hair now tied into a braid and a white dress on over her wet bikini, almost entirely see-through and completely pointless.
"Can you?" she asked, pushing him into the room and kicking the door closed behind them, then shoving him in the direction of the nearest bed, clambering on top of him.
"This isn't my bed," he smirked up at her as she pinned his wrists to the bed.
"That isn't my problem," she mumbled, lowering her lips to his. He picked up her accent for the first time. It wasn't Australian. If anything, it reminded him a little of Chekov.
Leo's mind for a fraction of a second focused on what Spock had said earlier, the way he'd said it, about sleeping with a lot of women while he was out here, but a moment later the thought was gone and he didn't care.
"Romulan?" she asked, noticing his ears.
"Vulcan," he answered, his breath hitching in his throat as she tickled the palms of his hands lightly.
"Rare," she noted and he nodded, tensing slightly as she pressed her lips to his neck before biting gently.
"Not pure. Quarter."
"Which quarter?" she asked and he smirked.
"The best one," he answered, flipping them over and pinning her to the bed, silencing her with his lips before she could protest.
He knew that really he was behaving badly, all the girls he'd been sleeping with and not calling back, but he couldn't help himself. He'd discovered an ability to manipulate people that he'd never before known he had, and a small part of him was excited by it, intrigued by it. He wanted to be powerful, wanted people to notice him and for the first time in his life he felt like that was attainable.
A/N
Don't forget to review, guys! Also, I've not done a very good proof-read, so I'll fix any errors tomorrow :)
