Chapter Twenty-Six

"We've got no weapons, no warp capability, severe hull damage and they're going to have full weapons in three minutes. What are your orders Captain?"

David smirked.

"Not much wrong then? Ok. We have to go over there, take the other ship from the inside. Cadet Scott, can you align the ships?" he asked of Molly sitting a few feet from him at the helm.

"Aye sir, full thrusters. Ships will be aligned in fifteen seconds," she said. He caught the nervousness in her glance and smirked again.

He knew exactly how to beat this test; he'd watched Jim building it a few years ago.

"Kirk, with me," he ordered of Chris who was standing nervously nearby.

They left the bridge simulator and passed into the next room which contained two virtual reality suits which they began to hastily haul on over their uniforms.

One of the suits is going to lose its targeting computer. Molly is going to have to talk us in, just keep calm.

They virtually ejected their fake ship, entering a startlingly realistic and mildly terrifying space-jump to board the USS Vengeance.

True to David's word, his targeting computer failed. He took a deep breath and forced himself to remain calm, remember what Jim had said happened at this point. He'd half-hoped Chris had the suit with the failing visor, it would have made it easier for him.

"Molly my visor is dead, I'm going to need you to talk me in," he said, ignoring the way his palms were beginning to sweat.

Nobody had ever passed the Vengeance, it had an even worse reputation than the Kobayashi Maru.

"Talk you… that's impossible! You're crazy! The door you're going to splatter near is only three metres across, how do you expect me to-"

"My visor is still on. I'm a hundred metres ahead of you and at your 11 o'clock, Captain," Chris interrupted smoothly. David couldn't help the small smirk at the word 'Captain'.

He glanced around in the debris, finding Chris where he'd told him and getting behind him, following him closely as they neared the door.

"McCoy to crew member aboard Vengeance, be ready with that door," he said, fighting to keep his voice level and calm.

He didn't get a response.

"Vengeance, do you copy?"

"I'm ready with this door, cadet, give me a ten second mark," Jim's voice came through the simulator. David felt a surge of emotion from Chris and sent him back what he hoped were soothing thoughts.

David swallowed the lump in his throat.

"A-Aye, sir. Ten seconds, now," he said.

Molly counted down over the comm. system, the door opened and they both just about cleared it, their aim being very slightly off. The thud of hitting the floor was all-too realistic in the virtual reality suits and David muttered a curse under his breath as he tried to establish where he was hurting the most.

"How many decks are we from the bridge?" he demanded.

"Four, sir. Turbo-lift right ahead," Molly said. Chris began to stride for it and David stopped him by grabbing his shoulder.

"This ship is in enemy hands. Do you really want to lock yourself in a cell?" he asked and Chris turned. His brown eyes were storming with emotion but his face gave nothing away.

"Good point, sir," he bit out.

"Scott, alternate route to the bridge?"

She came back seconds later with directions, sending them up an access ladder for two decks then along a corridor.

They fought off two henchmen, something which always felt strange in virtual reality, to swing a punch full force at nothing.

It took them another thirty seconds to reach the bridge, phasers drawn.

Just as the door to the bridge opened, the klaxon rang out and David whipped off the helmet of the virtual reality suit, looking around and then up at the instructors watching from the viewing deck.

"You failed, Cadet McCoy. The enemy ship restored weapons and fired on Enterprise. You took too long," he explained. David's hands balled into fists.

"You… you didn't change the voice? You let him take this test with… with his dead father's voice track still on here?!" he demanded, not even caring about the test, not caring about failing. All he cared about was the hurt radiating off his bondmate who was shrinking away towards the wall, his own virtual reality helmet tucked under his arm and his eyes on the floor.

"Cadet McCoy I hardly think that-"

"You hardly think. End of sentence," he spat. He was livid. How could they be so insensitive? Jim had been dead eighteen months. They would have had umpteen chances in that time to replace the voice track with a different member of the Enterprise crew, of any crew, why hadn't they?

David, stop. You'll get in trouble.

"Commander, please tell us where we could have saved some time and got to the bridge faster?" Chris interrupted, trying to change the subject.

The commander read out a list of several different opportunities they had, each saving a few seconds which would have got them to the bridge in time.

"Thank you for your feedback," Chris answered politely. David could feel his annoyance.

They'd failed by all of three seconds.

Frustrated, they both stripped of the virtual-reality suits and then went back through into the simulator bridge.

"Nice job killing us all, dingus," Molly smirked. David flipped her off as Chris paced in front of the view screen.

"You'd have killed us all twice as fast," he retorted and she rolled her eyes.

They all waited a few moments for the commander to come down and dismiss them before filing out of the room.

Chris and David loitered behind and left last. They didn't so much as look at each other until they were down the hallway and around the corner.

"Chris, keep it together," David mumbled as he felt the sadness welling up, tears stinging at his own eyes even though it wasn't his emotions. Their bond was stronger now, but he still couldn't get the hang of shielding properly. He had learnt to keep his own thoughts and feelings to himself, but struggled to block the inbound information. He was something of a slave to what Chris was feeling from one moment to the next.

He glanced at Chris as they walked to catch him wiping away a single tear with the sleeve of his black undershirt.

"I'm sorry. I can't believe they hadn't changed it… If I'd have known I never would have asked you to-"

"It's ok. I'm frustrated for you that you failed. I know it's just this that stands between you and getting out there," he said. David could hear him fighting to keep his voice steady.

"And it's ok. I can have another turn, remember? Failing once isn't the end of it. Failing is the test. You have to learn from it, go away, think, evaluate. I shouldn't be so cocky next time that's for sure," he said and Chris' lip quirked.

"You were pretty smug. Maybe if you can the smirking and the sarcasm you'll win them over enough to let you off three seconds," he suggested helpfully and David sighed.

"Have you watched the footage of Jim's Kobayashi Maru?" he asked. Chris shook his head.

"It's in the archives. He cheated. Reprogrammed it, went in there cocky as shit. Sat in the chair and ate an apple. A fucking apple! But it worked, it got Pike's attention, proved his potential. I know I have that potential, I just want them to see it! All they see is a guy who failed his pilots exam enough times that he gave up and changed track-"

"-and got a medal for assisting in the rescue of the crew of the Intrepid," Chris pointed out and David rolled his eyes.

"We all got those medals-"

"-Still a medal," Chris snapped.

David didn't try to respond. He could feel the annoyance radiating off his bondmate so thought it best to just keep his mouth shut.

"I'm going to hit the gym, see you later," Chris said quietly, walking away in an opposite direction and leaving David walking home alone, wondering what he could do to help Chris feel better.

Hearing Jim's voice must have been tough. It had been his birthday a month or so ago, a day they struggled with. Christopher had been quiet all day that day, then after David had gone to class he'd called him repeatedly until he excused himself and picked up.

He'd walked fifteen blocks to find him in a dimly-lit bar, double vodka sitting in front of him untouched.

"He wouldn't want this for you," David had said, sliding in the next barstool and pulling the drink across so it was in front of himself.

"He wouldn't want to be dead," Chris bit back, his hand on the bar clenching into a fist.

"No, of course not. But he'd want you to do well with your life. We've talked about this, come on, remember? Doing good? You getting any closer to taking your next fitness eval?" he asked and Chris blinked hard.

"Yeah. I can go whenever I want… I just… I don't know. I'm nervous."

"You're the strongest you've ever been!" David persuaded.

"Yeah but… the new fitness testing is off the charts crazy, I don't know if I can pass it," he said, squirming in his seat a little.

"Of course you're going to pass it! You can run what… ten, fifteen miles before you start getting tired? You can bench press me… you can throw me around like I'm nothing, and I'm not nothing, so come on, what's the problem?"

Chris sighed.

"I'm a little intimidated by it, all the other men there," he admitted, eyes wandering over to the drink again. David caught his eyes wandering and downed the drink himself, setting the empty glass upside down on the bar and pulling a face.

"Vodka never was my drink," he said, crinkling his nose as he ordered them both a soda.

"Come on, no more distractions. We agreed that we were both going to try harder, I've done my part… I'm the fittest I've ever been, I'm a hair away from graduating, top of almost every class. It's time for you to stick to your side of the deal. You can do this, Chris, I know you can. I have to take the same fitness test as you before I can graduate, want me to schedule mine at the same time? Would that make it any easier?" he asked and Chris thought for a moment before nodding.

"We can still keep it a secret though, right?" Chris asked and David nodded.

"Of course," he said. Aside from family and close friends, they kept their relationship a secret around Starfleet. There was a new Admiral who was making waves, making it difficult for cadets in same sex relationships at the academy. The last thing either of them needed was to be given a hard time by this guy, so they agreed it was just easier this way. It also meant that it wouldn't hurt their chances of being posted on the same ship or to the same starbase.

"One day though, we won't be a secret," Chris said firmly. David gave him a small smile.

"No, course not, just while we climb the ranks a little it's easier if they think we're just best buddies."

"Jim wouldn't have stood for it though. The way this Mitchell guy is treating people. He'd have got him fired or something, quoted some regulation… somehow, he'd have got this guy," Chris fumed.

"To be honest Chris, if Jim was still around I think he'd be Mitchell's boss. The only reason he skipped Commodore and went straight up to Admiral is because Jim wasn't here to take the job. We all know it was going to happen. I think he knew it was coming too," David said and Chris nodded.

"I think he knew. I think they were waiting for him though, to do something bold again, like he used to do. They wanted him to prove he hadn't lost his edge," Chris said, draining a large amount of his soda in one. David could tell he wanted to leave so he followed suit.

"Yeah, maybe," he agreed.

"Just… think how long Chris. You've been sober eleven months, don't throw that away for something stupid like anxiety over a fitness test," David encouraged, taking his hand and giving it a small squeeze.

"I know, I… was being stupid," he said quickly, refusing to meet David's eye.

"You aren't stupid," he said, one hand rising to the side of Chris' face, encouraging him to look at him.

"You aren't stupid," he reiterated when Chris did finally meet his eye. Chris nodded quickly and looked away again.

They had left quickly, heading back to Chris' apartment. He didn't want to stay in dorms at the academy and had kept the apartment he'd been renting with Leo. David hadn't officially moved in, but Chris had never asked and he didn't want to assume anything.

About half his stuff was there though, so whenever he did stay over it wasn't a problem.

It was about ten minutes after they got home that Chris spoke up.

"Hearing Jim's voice today… it's not the first time," he admitted and David tilted his head questioningly, encouraging Chris to continue speaking.

"I call his voicemail, sometimes, just to hear him," Chris admitted. "And I… uh… I think my communicator glitched a while back, I had an old message from him re-appear as if it was a new one. It was when he was arranging to pick me up from somewhere, but then there was… I don't know. Some sounds after it, that weren't on the original recording," he finished, leaving the unspoken end to his sentence hanging in the air.

"You think… you wonder if he's still alive somewhere?" David asked.

Chris gave one simple nod.

"Chris I… I don't know. There's no proof of that and-"

"There's no actual proof that he's dead," Chris interrupted quickly.

"No. There isn't. But nobody could have survived that explosion in a little shuttle like that, even if he was back in the shuttle at all. For all we know he hand delivered that bomb straight to the leader of those bastards and was still holding it when it-"

"Stop."

"Chris I'm sorry, I'm just trying to-"

"Stop," Chris said again, more firmly the second time.

They were silent for a few seconds.

"Let me play you the message, and you tell me it doesn't creep you out. It sounds like… well, I'll show you," Chris said, pulling his communicator from his pocket and setting the message up to play.

David listened intently.

Hey buddy, I'm running a little late, I got held up at work. Sorry, would you mind walking the first four blocks or so? I'll meet you by that donut place we sometimes go to on Saturdays? See you soon

Jim's voice stopped, but the message didn't stop playing, Chris held up his hand to indicate to David to stay silent.

See… see you soon. Chris. Chris. Late. Running late. Sorry. Chris I'm sorry.

"He never said my name in the original message," Chris whispered. "So where is the glitch getting my name from?" he added quickly before the communicator continued, bursts of static interspersing the cracked voice. Every hair on the back of David's neck was standing up on end, a strange cold creping into his limbs.

Home. Chris. Home… sorry… h…he…hel

The message stopped and David exhaled heavily.

"Holy shit," he breathed. "How long have you had this?"

Chris shrugged.

"Couple of months. I listened to it on my own at night first… scared the hell outta me," he said with a shudder.

"Maybe have Scotty take a look at your communicator?" David suggested.

"He's… he's had a message too," Chris said hesitantly.

"Really? Anybody else?" David asked and Chris nodded.

"Spock had a couple. Took me hours to get him to admit to it. His was clearer… Jim was... crying. He was crying in the message. I don't know what to do," Chris admitted.

"Well go to Starfleet! Get them to start searching for him! If he's out there somewhere then-"

"Starfleet can't do anything. Scotty, Molly and Leo all took a look at it. They can't trace where it's coming from. The signal doesn't have a source," he said and David frowned.

"That's bullshit. All signals have to have a source, it can't have come from nowhere!"

"This is why I didn't tell you," Chris said slowly.

"Why?"

"Because… I don't want to pursue it any more. I already asked the three smartest people I know, two of whom are engineers. They don't know. Even a professional hacker doesn't know. They all think it's just some kind of… residual echo, some fuck up with the communicators," he said with a shrug.

"It sounded like he was asking for help, Chris, what if he's in trouble?"

"I'm inclined to agree that the messages are just some sort of error with the communicators. Maybe his one still had power when it blew up, sent off a few old messages before it died completely? I don't know. I can't torture myself with wondering if he's still out there alive and is going to knock on my door one day. I can't do it. I need to accept that he's gone, having doubts isn't going to allow me to do that," he said finally.

Questions swirled in David's mind. What if Jim was out there somewhere and was somehow sending messages back? What if he needed help? What if he'd been taken by the Borg? What if they weren't actually gone?

He opened his mouth to speak and Chris gave him a look that said don't.

"It's been going through my head for months already. I just don't see it being possible. If the signal doesn't have a source, then we can't find him… so maybe we should just… leave it. If I get any more messages I'll tell you straight away. Anyway, I'm going to bed," Chris said, stading up from the couch and heading for the bedroom.

David didn't follow for half an hour, spending some time just sitting and getting his thoughts together. He reached the conclusion that Chris was right. The chance of Jim being out there somewhere was a good as none. Torturing themselves wouldn't make it true.

In the month since that night David hadn't mentioned it again, but he'd noticed Chris was getting cagey with his communicator, keeping it on his person at all times and being very protective over it. Sometimes he'd disappear in the evenings too. Never when they had plans to hang out, but a few times David had tried to swing by the apartment to surprise him and had found it empty.

Tonight was another one of those nights. After what had happened with the test earlier and Chris' eagerness to get away so quickly, David was a little worried about him. He tried to reach out through their bond but found it firmly blocked off.

He went to Chris' apartment and let himself in with the key he'd recently been given, lounging on the couch until Chris arrived home a few hours later looking exhausted. He noticed David and looked surprised.

"Hey, what… what are you doing here?" he asked and David frowned.

"You gave me a key, remember?"

"Yeah, but I didn't… I don't know. Forget it," he said, going over to the kitchen and fussing with something.

"What? You not want me here?" David asked, getting up off the couch and approaching Chris in the kitchen area, who backed away from him.

David sighed.

"I'm going to go running. I'll be thirty minutes, when I get back, I think we should talk," David said calmly. He'd learnt the best way to avoid a fight with Chris was to not be the one to start it. It went against his every natural instinct not to yell at him, try to bully him, but he had to do it. He wondered if that was him growing up, finding ways to control his argumentative side.

David went into the bedroom, quickly changed for his run and then left the apartment building. He jogged on the spot in the elevator as he often did before he went running and hit the pavement outside at high speed.

He plugged his headphones into his ears, turning them up louder than maybe he usually would, just to try and shut out his thoughts for a moment, just to be himself and the pavement rushing by under his feet.

He ran his usual circuit, which took him a total of twenty-seven minutes. Just as the apartment building came back into view the world rotated violently to the left, something very solid striking his left side. He was aware of his feet leaving the pavement and flailing uselessly for a moment and then cold and damp as he lay on the ground, a bright light in his face.

"Oh my goodness! Young man are you alright?" there was an elderly woman at his side now, touching his arm. He brought one hand up to his face, noticing red staining his fingertips.

He opened his mouth to speak, but all he could hear was his own heart pounding in his ears.

"David? David! Look at me, ok?" Chris' voice. He forced himself to look up.

"You've been in an accident, but you're ok, you're just in shock, that's all," Chris said assertively.

This doesn't make sense? Chris is useless with injuries and blood and anything medical. He hates it.

"You've banged your leg up but it's just a scrape, here, hold this and apply pressure," he instructed, putting something soft in his right hand and guiding it to his leg where the blood was coming from.

"Hey, I see a paramedic, you're ok David, they're right here," Chris said, leaving his side for just a moment and returning with a strange woman beside him now.

"I got you, just relax," he said confidently.

David allowed his eyes to close.

The next time he opened them he was wrapped in clean white sheets and could taste over-clean hospital air.

"What the hell-"he started and Chris chuckled.

"You got knocked over by a car," he said, still smirking.

"Why is this funny?" David demanded.

"Because it was a little old lady."

"Still doesn't make it funny," David said with a scowl.

"Aww sour-puss, don't be such a grump," Chris said, moving over to the side of the bed and placing a kiss on the top of his head.

"Did I hurt myself?"

"You broke your leg. Open break, bone was clean out of your skin," Chris said, not seeming the slightest bit squeamish.

"But you… how did you stay calm?" David asked, tearing sheets aside to get a look at his leg. He was relieved to find nothing to see aside from a faint pink line where the break in his skin had been. That too would probably fade within a week or so.

"There's nothing to see! You dad had you fixed up in about half an hour, you just need to keep off it for a week as much as you can, then good as new," Chris said, dodging the question.

Chris! The blood and the damn bone sticking out of my leg, how did you ignore that?

Chris smiled as David used their bond to communicate.

"I uh… I guess I have something to tell you," he said, his hands wringing together nervously.

"I've been volunteering here at the hospital," he said seriously. David looked at him for a moment before bursting out laughing. It took him a few long seconds to realise Chris was telling the truth.

"For real? Since when?"

"Since that night when I wanted a drink. I've been trying to… better myself. I started up in paediatrics and well, I love it. You dad helped me get the placement. It helps me with Starfleet too, officers with basic medical training are favourable, it can mean they have more leeway in choosing their own missions and ships and-"

"You've… that's where you've been going at night?" David asked, stunned.

"I've been reading stories and changing bandages," Chris said sincerely.

"Oh and sometimes I whip my shirt off in the burns ward just to prove getting blown half to hell isn't the end of the world," he shrugged.

"C'mere," David said, shifting over in the small bed.

"I won't fit in there with-"

"Get," David said firmly, patting the bed beside him.

"You are amazing," he said quietly as Chris squeezed into the bed next to him.

"You're not mad?" Chris asked and David chuckled.

"I was a little worried you were cheating on me, but no, of course I'm not mad. Never would have pegged you for the children's ward though. You like kids?" he asked. It was a subject that rarely came up between them.

Chris nodded eagerly.

"They're awesome. Some of the ones I've been watching are just so sweet. This one kid-"

David lay contentedly, listening to Chris babble on excitedly about some of the children he'd been looking after on the ward, an idea starting to come into his mind. It seemed ridiculous, but he allowed it to grow, exciting himself with the possibility even.

"Hello?" Chris asked, waving a hand in front of David's face.

"Sorry, my own world for a minute," he said, coming back to reality and forcing himself to stop thinking about he and Chris in a couple of years with a bundle of white blankets nestled between them.

"Want to get out of here?"

"Can I?"

"Your dad was here literally two minutes before you woke up. He said to swing by his office on the way out and you're free to go, so long as I take good care of you for a whole week until you're allowed to put weight on your leg again."

"Yes nurse," David said with a smirk and he was sure he noticed a tiny green blush creep into Chris' cheeks.

He swallowed the indignity of being wheeled through the hospital corridors in a damn chair, made a quick stop by his dad's office, and then before he knew it Chris was helping him get out of the car back at the apartment.

"Pretty crazy to think I went up against a car," he said absentmindedly as they rode the elevator.

"And lost," Chris pointed out.

"Yeah but… only because I have legs. Cars have a structural advantage see, much more compact, none of those pesky limbs to break," he said.

Chris let out an excited squeal as he noticed a large parcel sitting outside his door. His face fell slightly when he saw it was addressed to David, but he perked right back up again when he saw that it was entirely edible. They got inside the apartment and opened it up properly.

"Crazy old lady… now I am inclined to sue," David chuckled as he stuffed one of the mini-muffins in his mouth. He'd shrugged off the whole accident. He hadn't looked properly before he'd crossed the street to the best of his recollection, so it seemed a waste of time to try to pin the blame on either party. The woman had seemed shaken enough by the whole thing anyway.

"Yeah, doesn't she know we're on a no-carb diet? Jeez. How inconsiderate," Chris said, stuffing one in his own mouth and practically keening at the taste.

"Doesn't that have chocolate in it?" David pointed out and Chris froze for a second, eyes widening.

"Uh… shit," he said, swallowing what he'd chewed up and spitting out the rest.

"Got any blueberry ones in there?" he asked, peeking into the giant basket again and grinning when he found a pile of fruit muffins.

"You never said you quit chocolate, only drugs and alcohol," David pointed out.

"Ok good, because blueberry is nasty," Chris grinned, grabbing another chocolate chip muffin from the basket and stuffing it in his face greedily.

"You cannot tell we haven't eaten real carbs in a month," David laughed as he put away his ninth or tenth cake a short while later, sitting in front of the tv with his leg propped up carefully. It was strapped but not in a cast, it had already been repaired and just needed a week to settle.

"Absolutely not," Chris said, snatching up all the empty cake casings and taking them to the trash disposal.

"Can we just eat white pasta too, say fuck it all?" David asked and Chris shook his head.

"No! We're going to be Starfleet officers, right? We're strong-willed. We eat clean, train hard, and focus on our studying. No more carbs for you today Mr," Chris said, confiscating the remainder of the muffin basket and placing it away on top of the refrigerator where David couldn't reach due to his leg.

"You suck," David whined and Chris raised an eyebrow.

"That a request?" he asked and David smirked.

"Wheel me into the bedroom and find out!" he challenged. Chris looked so alive, so happy and it made him so happy. It was like everything was working out just how it should between them.

*~*~*~*~*~*PAGE BREAK*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Spock could have looked at him forever. The way the moonlight caught his face just right, showing off the water running down from his golden hair, glistening in droplets in the silvery glow, lopsided grin beaming at him.

"Spock? I asked you a question…" Jim pointed out.

Spock paused.

"I… apologise, I must request you repeat it," he answered and Jim laughed.

"I asked if you wanted to go home yet?" he said again.

Spock was still barely able to tear his eyes away. It had been several months since they had seen each other, and in the three days he had been home from his mission, they had spent no time alone until that evening. They'd gone out for dinner, had several glasses of wine, or rather Jim had, and were now walking through the park.

The weather had turned unexpectedly, and a short, sharp shower had left them both drenched. Spock had sought shelter under a tree and remained mostly dry. Jim had run in circles in the rain, laughing like a child and trying to get Spock to join him. He'd eventually conceded and was now just as soaked as his Captain.

"I… I will defer to your good judgement, Captain," Spock said and Jim laughed again.

"Well, my good judgement says it's about time we spend some real time together, what do you say?" Jim said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"I believe you to be inebriated, Jim," Spock answered flatly.

"I'm a little tipsy," he confessed. "Come on Spock, we haven't seen each other in months! Bones and Carol have the kids all night, we can do whatever we want," he said, now standing very close. Spock's eyes followed one particular bead of water as it travelled down Jim's face. He raised his thumb and caught it at the corner of his lips, lightly caressing his face.

Their bond sparked with desire, adoration, a hint of lust.

"I find this suggestion agreeable," Spock said, tearing his eyes away and forcing them to begin walking back in the direction of home.

"You want to walk?! Are you crazy? It'll take forever," Jim whined.

"Forty-seven minutes approximately," Spock pointed out.

"I think a cab would be much more suitable than forty-seven minutes and another potential rain shower," Jim pointed out, hailing one that was passing and opening the door for Spock to get in first.

They were home in less than ten minutes, shoes and coats discarded by the door. Jim dragged him upstairs by the hand, clothing began to be discarded too as they finally reached their room and tumbled into bed together at last, after all these months apart.

"God, Spock, I missed you," Jim mumbled as he traced kisses along the Vulcan's jawline and up to the lobe of his ear.

"And I you, Jim," Spock said softly in return.

Jim paused his ministrations, moving his head back slightly so their eyes could meet through the half-light in the bedroom.

"I'll never stop loving you, and I'll always find my way home to you, I hope you know that," Jim said softly. The sincerity in his blue eyes was startling, and for a moment, beneath him on the bed, Jim looked incredibly vulnerable. Spock leant down and pressed his forehead to his bondmates, basking in the contentedness he felt from the action.

"I will love you to the ends of time and space, eternity, Th'yla," Spock breathed.

Jim opened his mouth to speak again-

Spock woke abruptly. He was sweating. It was very rare for him to sweat. He could recall only a handful of times it had happened during his entire life.

He took a moment to assess his person. He did not feel unwell aside from a slight tingling in his head. He followed the sensation, rapidly forming a conclusion as it led him to the point of his bond with Jim.

It made sense. He had been having a very vivid dream; the bond had been tricked into attempting to re-connect to Jim's mind.

He sighed quietly and rolled over in bed, staring at the empty side.

He reached out one hand and placed it flat on the bed before him.

"I miss you ashayam," he whispered.

He very rarely admitted it aloud. He very rarely acknowledged it.

But he did. He did miss Jim a great deal. He'd struggled dealing with everything that had happened since Jim's death, all things which with Jim's guidance he'd have been perfectly able to deal with.

Things were changing at Starfleet too, and changing in a way Jim would not have liked or tolerated. His ex-classmate Gary Mitchell had been fast-tracked to admiralty and was doing everything he could to seemingly force the academy to take a step back in terms of equality. Spock had noticed his own office had been moved to one significantly smaller and in close proximity to an external door where students would sometimes loiter and become noisy and disruptive. He would have to frequently go outside and move them along. He'd also noticed that when he'd seen Doctor McCoy he'd seemed particularly agitated, even moreso than his usual level of annoyance. Spock theorised it had something to do with Mitchell's hatred of homosexual couples, and his seemingly particularly strong hatred of anything to do with Jim.

He'd been intending to ask Christopher if he had noticed anything different in his classes, but the last time he had seen him he had not mentioned it.

Spock lay still for a little while longer, willing himself to go back to sleep. Eventually he did, tumbling into yet another memory, this time one that didn't belong to him.

"I hurt Bones," Jim whined, but there was nothing sarcastic about it, nothing jokey. Jim was deadly serious; a throb of agony washing over his entire body, right down to the tips of his fingers and toes.

"You're getting over septicaemia, of course you hurt," the Doctor grumbled in return.

"When… when is it going to stop?" he asked quietly.

Bones sighed and sat down on the bed beside his friend. Jim's legs were dangling uselessly, shoes on the floor beneath his feet that he just couldn't bring himself to put on yet.

"The physical or the emotional?" Bones asked and Jim's face crumpled as he fought back a fresh wave of tears.

"I can't say. It isn't something I've ever dealt with personally. It's terrible Jim… it's so goddamn unfair, I know how much you wanted this, and how much that baby would have been loved."

Jim hiccupped uselessly as two tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Jim, shh, it's ok," Bones said, standing up now in front of him, holding him close, Jim's face nestled into his shoulder.

"I just want to go home," Jim said in a muffled voice.

"That's ok. You can go home, just gotta put your shoes on," Bones encouraged, supporting Jim with one hand on each arm as he slowly slipped off the bed and put his shoes on. He leant down to tie them and immediately winced.

"No, it's ok, I got it kid," Bones said quickly, pushing Jim so he was standing upright again and tying the laces of his beat up sneakers for him.

"Never thought I'd see the day where I've got you on your knees in front of me Bones," Jim said, with a small waggle of one eyebrow. The Doctor sighed and sat back on his haunches, looking up at his friend and the weak smile on his face. He was relieved that Jim hadn't lost his sense of humour at least.

"All ya had to do was ask, darlin'," he chuckled, standing up as Jim shoved him lightly.

"You ok to walk?" he asked and Jim nodded quickly.

"Alright, let's go," Bones said, beginning to lead Jim through the endless maze of white corridors that was Starfleet medical.

"Vultures," Bones spat as he saw the large congregation of paparazzi outside the main doors.

"I'll smuggle you out through the doctors lounge Jimmy," he assured, leading Jim away from the doors again and a short way along the corridor to a door that Bones peeked in first before holding open for Jim.

There were only a few doctors in there on break, they seemed to barely notice Jim and Bones as they made their way through and to a small door that led to the outside world.

Just on the other side of it they paused.

"Want me to bring the car around? Or can you walk? It's only about fifty metres away," Bones said. Jim's knees were shaking and he was sweating profusely, almost no colour left in his face.

"I cn'walk," he grit out, determined. Bones sighed and accepted his answer, beginning to lead him across the parking lot.

Jim didn't know when the reporters spotted them, but he was quickly aware of being surrounded by people, all asking questions.

"What's the current status of your health?"

"Is it true you were admitted because of an alcohol related incident?"

"Why isn't your husband here?"

"Are your kids home alone right now?"

"No comment, he's got nothin' to say to any of you scavengers," Bones growled, supporting Jim by the upper arm for the last few feet until they got to his car. The car was quickly surrounded and Bones sighed, running a hand through his hair and winding down the window.

"He's got nothin' to say and neither have I, so would you just back up off my car so I can take the guy home?" Bones yelled angrily.

Nobody backed up. Bones started the engine and revved it, when that still led to nobody moving he deployed his windscreen washers, spraying water over a group of the reporters who backed up quickly, giving him a window to quickly dart away.

"God damn scum," Bones grumbled.

"You'reso good t'me Bones. Maybe I made th… the wr'ng decision, should'a married you instead," Jim mumbled sleepily.

Bones chuckled.

"I'd have had something to say about that Jimmy. Plus you aint really my type."

"Wha? You don' like Captains?" Jim asked, barely keeping himself awake.

Bones chuckled again.

"It aint the Captain part that puts me off, more the penis part," he said and it was Jim's turn to chuckle.

"I love you Bones," he slurred out.

Jim was aware of the car pulling in and stopping, then Bones' face in front of his, one hand on his wrist checking his pulse.

"Just go to sleep Jim. An hour and you'll be in your bed all safe."

"I wan' Spock," Jim slurred.

"I've called him, but I don't think he's coming yet."

"But I wanna," Jim mumbled.

"He's pretty far away, I don't think he can come back instantly. Just give him a bit of time, I'm sure he's on his way," Bones soothed. He glanced across at Jim again to find his head lolling uselessly on his shoulder. Kid had finally given in and fallen asleep.

The drive took a little under an hour with the bad traffic Bones had been expecting at this time of day.

Bones parked his car on the driveway and went into the house, leaving Jim asleep in the passenger seat for the time being.

"Scotty?" he called out, noticing a bit of a mess in the hallway. Shoes were scattered everywhere and there were a few brightly coloured darts on the floor.

"Ow!" Bones yelped as something solid hit him in the back of the head, he turned to find Christopher standing behind him with some kind of gun aimed right at his head.

"Hands up!" he ordered.

"Chris not now, do you know where Uncle Scotty is?" he asked.

"OBEY!" Chris roared, grabbing the doctor by the legs.

With an indignant cry he landed flat on his back in the hallway, flailing his legs to try and get the child to let go.

"Chris, this is important, I've got Jim in the car and he needs to come back into the house. It needs to be tidy and quiet for him, ok? Can you help me?"

Chris narrowed his eyes.

"I don't negotiate with terrorists," he said with a glare. Bones would have laughed if the kid hadn't been being such a royal pain in his ass.

"Len?" he heard Scotty's voice come from the living room.

He got up and followed it, snatching the gun from Chris as he passed him and removing the darts from the ammo cartridge before setting it down on the floor and pocketing the darts.

The living room was even more of a mess, with a large fort made from blankets and chairs and got only knows what other pieces of furniture on one side of the room.

"Scotty?" he asked tentatively, hearing a muffled response from inside the fort. He pulled one blankets aside before turning to the child behind him.

"Did you do this?" he asked.

"He was-"

"Christopher. No. Uncle Scotty is a grown up, you have to treat him with respect," he warned as the started to tear down the blankets and reveal Scotty in the middle, tied to a chair looking thoroughly like he wasn't in the mood for playing.

Chris had somewhere found some other sort of toy gun, and started shooting Bones with it in the back, from point blank range, yelling something about Klingons and armies and terrorists.

Bones worked quickly to get Scotty untied.

"Little bastard grabbed me. I was sittin' in this chair, mindin' my own business, and he grabbed me! Strong as anythin' Len. Been in here about an hour, beyond a joke! I don't even know where the other two have gone," he said and Bones nodded, reaching into his coat pocket for something he'd been saving for Jim if he needed it. He closed his fingers around the hypo and removed it slowly. He waited for Chris to get as close as possible before launching at him with it, managing to stick him in the upper arm with the sedative.

He cried out and struggled, but his eyelids were drooping already. Bones caught him before he hit the deck and struggled to heave him over to the couch.

"God damn kid is a lunatic. Five year old that ties his babysitter to a chair… Jesus," Bones grumbled looking around at the mess.

"Jim's out in the car, I was going to take him right upstairs. You can head off if you need to," Bones offered and Scotty shook his head.

"I'll help you get him upstairs," he said. The two men quickly located Seren and Leo locked in the kitchen and set them to tidying the living room. Leo did his best but tripped over a shoe on the floor so Scotty reassigned him to sitting next to Christopher waiting for him to wake up.

They got the hallway cleared of mess and checked upstairs quickly, finding that Chris' reign of terror had only extended to the lower floor of the house.

"Shall we get him?" Bones asked and Scotty nodded, the two of them heading back out to the car. Between the two of them they managed to lift Jim's limp form and carry him into the house and up the stairs. He barely stirred as they set him down gently on the large bed, Bones getting to removing his shoes.

"Poor guy," Scotty said sadly.

Bones nodded but didn't say anything.

"He's gonna be ok?" Scotty asked.

"Physically, yeah, he'll be fine in another couple of days," Bones answered, affectionately brushing Jim's hair back off his clammy forehead.

"And… and-"

"I couldn't save the uterus. That was their last try."

Both men were silent for a few minutes before Scotty spoke up again.

"Maybe I could talk Ny into givin' 'em ours, I sure as hell don't know a thing abou' carin' for a wee baby," he said, running his hands through his hair.

Nyota was due at any moment, and Scotty couldn't help but admit he was avoiding her. She was uncomfortable and irritated and everything he did seemed to be wrong.

"You'll do fine," Bones assured the engineer.

"What if she hates me?"

"Who, your wife or your baby?" Bones asked with one raised eyebrow.

"Both!"

Bones chuckled.

"You'll do fine. Now get out of here, I don't want her finding out it's me that's keeping you out of the house and hunting me down and peelin' my eyeballs or somethin'…" he said and it was Scotty's turn to chuckle.

"Can't you just…"

"I can't induce her without her consent," the doctor answered bluntly.

"But-"

"No! Nature will take it's course. She aint even at the due date yet, got a whole week to go. Go and enjoy your last seven days of freedo-"

"Bones," Jim whimpered out, cutting off the two men's conversation.

"I'm here Jim," he said, stepping over to the bed and picking up his friends hand.

He opened his eyes and looked around blearily.

"He's still not here Bones?" Jim asked, confused and starting to look scared.

"I told you already Jim, he's on his way," Bones assured, motioning for Scotty to leave. Jim was disorientated and panicking, something he wouldn't have wanted anyone to see that wasn't absolutely necessary.

"The kids are here though, want me to go get them from downstairs?" he asked and Jim shook his head, face crumpling.

"I want my baby," he whispered. It broke Bones' heart, seeing him so pitiful like this, seeing him in a moment or pure despair.

"Jim-"he started, but realised there was nothing to say. He did the only thing he could.

He kicked off his shoes and climbed into Spock's side of the bed, immediately wrapping Jim up in his arms.

"You ever speak a word of this again and I'll kill you, got it?" he mumbled.

Jim nodded and nuzzled his face into Bones' neck, breathing in his warm smell.

The Doctor was aware of him falling asleep again a short while later and then he must have drifted off himself, as the next thing he was aware of was three small bodies in the bed around them.

"Is daddy going to be ok?" a shy voice whispered. He couldn't be sure which child it belonged to. It had got dark, and the room was dim enough that he couldn't make out details.

"He's gonna be ok kiddo, but only if you take extra care of him. Can you do that? The three of you look after him?"

"For how long?" piped up a different voice.

Bones thought for a moment before answering.

"Forever kiddo."

"Forever and ever?" asked the first voice again. Bones was becoming more sure it was Leo.

"And ever and ever," Bones said, dragging the young boy into a tight hug. He giggled and squirmed and first but then settled down. He was only slightly startled when Jim's arm wrapped tightly around his waist and pulled him close. He mumbled something in his sleep that sounded suspiciously like 'Spock'. The Doctor didn't say a word.

Spock jolted awake at the sound of his communicator and he picked it up from the nightstand beside him, noticing the time. It was still very early, just before five in the morning.

He had a voice message.

A cold shiver of dread ran down his spine as he hovered his finger over the button to play it. What if it was another strange echo of Jim? Could he handle hearing his voice again? Seemingly upset?

He pressed play, holding his breath.

Hey Spock it's me. I'm sorry. I know it's early… I just… I got this weird message and I'm kind of shaken up about it. Do you mind if I come over? Well. I mean, I say that, I'm already in the house, I let myself in. Just wanted to bounce some theories off you. Come down whenever, I can wait.

Leo's voice finished and Spock exhaled slowly.

Dreaming within blurry memories of Jim's and the children's was always draining and he now had a headache buzzing in the left front of his skull. He did his best to ignore it and focus on the matter at hand.

He knew Christopher had received a strange message too, but his one wasn't so clear.

Spock extricated himself from the blankets slowly, doing his best as usual not to look at Jim's side of the bed all made up and not slept in. He'd moved back into the house. Living away on campus had just felt wrong when Jim's presence could still be felt so strongly in the home which they'd shared as a family. Sometimes it was comforting, other times, such as when somebody would receive a strange message, not so much.

Spock dressed himself appropriately in casual clothing and then padded down the stairs to find Leo sitting at the dining table, long hair hanging in his face and communicator in pieces before him.

"Morning," he said, taking a sip from the orange juice he had in a glass in front of him.

"Good Morning," Spock said slowly, his voice coming out rougher than usual due to the fact he hadn't yet used it that day.

"Got a voicemail from… from y'know. He sounded a tad upset, so I think it's about time we go find him and bring him home?" Leo said, barely looking up from what he was doing with his communicator.

"Leo, Jim is dead. He is not anywhere to be found. He cannot be brought home to us. We must accept this as fact," Spock explained, surprising even himself with the gentleness in his tone.

"He's… he asked for my help. I have to help," Leo said, voice cracking only slightly but enough that Spock noticed it immediately.

Spock could detect a torrent of emotions pouring from him.

"I cannot explain what you are hearing, but I assure you it is not him."

Leo was silent, just staring at the communicator parts littered before him, eyes down and not meeting Spock's.

"You had the strongest link with him as a child, when you explore your mind now, do you still sense it? Do you sense any trace of it?"

Leo whispered an answer that Spock heard, but only just.

"I beg your pardon?" he prompted and Leo looked up at him, eyes burning with… with hatred.

"I said no," he said through gritted teeth.

Spock visibly flinched. He hadn't seen a look like that since… Khan.

"If… If he were alive, I would be able to sense him through my bond to him, as you would be able to sense him through yours. It is illogical to-"

Spock stopped talking abruptly as an agonising jolt of pain shot through his head. It took every ounce of self control not to cry out. Then as quickly as it began, it stopped.

He looked at Leo who looked just as shocked as he did.

"Leo-" he began but Leo was already up out of his seat, gathering up the communicator and stuffing bits and pieces of it into his pockets.

"Leo. Sit," Spock ordered firmly.

His son spared him a glance and then sighed, sitting down at the table and looking at his hands balled into fists on the wooden surface in front of him.

"How long have you been able to launch a telepathic attack without physical contact?" Spock asked, still slightly breathless from the intensity of the pain in his head.

"I don't know I-"

"You do know. When did you come to realise you possess this ability?" he asked and Leo shrugged.

"A while ago. After my… illness. I'm a little scared of it," he admitted and Spock looked at him carefully. His nails were chewed right down to the very lowest point they could be without bleeding and his face was unshaven. His hair had been the subject of numerous conversations, but had still not been cut in over a year and was now approaching his shoulders.

"Have you used this ability before?" Spock asked and Leo nodded.

"There was this guy… when I was travelling. I was in London, he was really rude to this woman waiting for a cab. It was night time and he took her cab, actually physically pushed her aside to take it… and she was alone and it was a bad neighbourhood... I went over and yelled at him and I got so angry and… and then he stopped talking and started like… twitching. His nose started bleeding and he hit the deck and I ran," he admitted, all in one breath as if it had been burdening him for a while.

Spock was silent for a moment.

If Starfleet were aware of this, Leo would likely be taken into custody, subjected to rigorous testing to determine how he was doing it. It had to be a combination of Khan's blood and Leo's Vulcan heritage, as it was certainly not a Vulcan ability to be able to inflict such pain.

"Is anyone else aware of this ability?" Spock asked slowly and Leo shook his head.

"It is best that it is kept that way. Be careful that you do not hurt someone," he said as a final warning, rising from the table and heading back upstairs to meditate.

Leo may just be in a situation way over his head.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*PAGE BREAK*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jim was certain he was going insane.

The time since Spock Prime had boarded the ship felt like it was passing at half usual speed. Jim still had no word on whether he'd be allowed to use the Enterprises' sensor array. In fact, since their conversation in his guest quarters, Spock Prime had avoided him like the plague.

He'd been spending more and more time in engineering. He got along well with Trip Tucker the Chief Engineer and… George Kirk. Awkward as it was he'd had to make his peace with it. This wasn't his father. This was an alternative version of his father who'd never met his mother, or at least not yet. In this particular parallel universe, as far as he could tell, Jim Kirk didn't exist yet.

He wasn't much of an engineer himself, but he made himself useful tinkering with things where he could and where he was allowed. It kept his mind occupied from thinking too much about home. By the way the times seemed to be working, he had to have been 'dead' for nearly two years by now.

It didn't do him any favours to wonder if Chris had gone completely off the rails, or if Leo and Seren still missed him, or if Spock had found a new partner…

He couldn't let himself think of it, it was too hard.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow," Jim said, setting down the greasy rag he'd been using to help clean some spare parts for a shuttle engine and getting up to take his leave.

"You done?" Tucker asked and Jim shook his head.

"Did about two-thirds of it," he shrugged.

"Well, is that a finished job?" Tucker asked mock-indignantly.

"Get one of your ensigns on it, I'm not a Starfleet employee, remember?" Jim pointed out with a laugh at Tucker's smirk as he left the room. George hadn't been on shift that day, Jim wondered where he was.

He didn't have to wonder for long as he rounded a corner and almost crashed right into him.

"Hey Jimmy, I was lookin' for you," he said enthusiastically.

"You… you were?" Jim asked and George nodded.

"You got a sec, I was wondering if you'd come take a look at something?" he asked and Jim nodded, having no reason to refuse.

He followed the man through the corridors and to an area he recognised as being crew quarters, pausing in front of a door that he keyed in the code to. His own quarters, Jim assumed.

It wasn't until they entered the small room that Jim realised they were not alone.

"Ambassador-"Jim began as he noticed Spock Prime perched neatly on a chair to one side of the room.

He held up his hand to silence him.

"I have informed Lieutenant Kirk of our situation Jim, all of it. He will assist us in our use of the sensor array. I apologise it has taken this long however-"

"Don't worry. I don't care why, it doesn't matter. So when do we start?" Jim asked and George smiled from where he was leaning against the wall near to the now closed door.

"I knew. Jim I knew from the second I saw you that something was up. Kinda weird having a son aboard, especially one that's older than me," George said and Jim looked at him carefully.

"George I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to appear that I was just using you for your help, I honestly just wanted to get to know you and I… I've really enjoyed your company. Even though you aren't my father I feel like there has to be… similarities, right? I just… I'm sorry. It was my only chance," Jim blurted out quickly.

"Jim I'm not mad. Course I'm not. If I were in your shoes I'd have done the exact same thing. The important thing now is that we get you home to your family, right?" George said quickly. Jim nodded, not really wanting to say anything else.

"Jim, Lieutenant Kirk and I have been able to secure use of the sensor array for a period of sixty minutes per day. I am aware this is not a lot of time, but it was the best we could achieve. I am grateful that Captain Archer has also provided us assistance by way of a crew member, it would have been very time consuming to search alone. You will, as we suspected, not be permitted to take part in the search-"

Jim opened his mouth to speak and Spock Prime raised a hand to silence him again and then continued.

"My ship will be prepared for you to take. I will give you a signal, you will know it when you receive it, and you will then commandeer this ship from the shuttle bay."

Jim snorted.

"Commandeer? Like steal? You think Enterprise will let me get away in a stolen ship?" Jim asked.

"We can buy you time, enough time to get away far enough, create a singularity in the right location, and get through," George said.

"Won't you be risking your career? If Archer finds out about this…"

"I feel like maybe there's a lady in Iowa I should go home and look for," George said with a small smile.

Jim looked between the two men.

"One hour a day is all you can search for? How long might this take?"

Spock looked thoughtful for a moment before he spoke again.

"As I cannot provide you with a definitive answer, I will provide you with the only one I can. It will take, as you would say, 'as long as it takes'."

~*~*~*~*~*~*PAGE BREAK*~*~*~*~*~*

Helllloooo!

I've decided to start taking my long rambling author's notes at the end of chapters rather than the start, don't want to put you guys off before I even begin! I'm also going to try something new starting with this chapter and ask a question every time that if you wish you can answer in the reviews section. This is because I love to see what you guys are all thinking, and your reviews are so very valuable to me.

This chapter is dedicated to Lawlady562 for just being awesome. Always leaving lovely long reviews that I can take a lot away from, and just having followed the story from the outset. So, thank you! :)

Question for this chapter is... What does everything think is happening with Leo?

Until next time, and if you do feel inclined to leave a review, all are very much appreciated :)