Chapter 5:
After speaking to Snape I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I could go downstairs and have some breakfast, but Remus was probably still there, which would be a bit awkward. However, when my stomach made a loud 'growwwwl' I decided to go despite my better judgement.
The kitchen was less empty now.
Remus, Kingsley, Mad-eye Moody, and Bill Weasley all sat by the table with a cup of tea and a plate of Albuses scrambled eggs, while Mrs Weasley stood by the stove and stirred in a pot of porridge. I wasn't sure why Molly had arrived alone (perhaps she had travelled ahead of her family to make sure Grimmauld place was safe enough for her children to stay?) but it had to mean the rest of the Weasley family would arrive very soon. I knew the Weasleys had been planning to move into the house ever since it was established as the Order headquarters (something about Harry Potter), but I hadn't expected it to happen now.
Also, the timing was terribly inconvenient.
Just as Snape and I ended up in a situation where we were forced to deal with each other, we also had to deal with a bunch of children. I didn't know exactly how many children Molly Weasley had, but I expected them to be many. Not good for stress levels.
The Order members by the breakfast table were talking animatedly about something that sounded like quidditch until they spotted me. The conversation stopped abruptly when they all decided to stare at me instead. I hesitated in the doorway. It felt incredibly awkward to be watched by these confused and suspicious stares. I supposed none of them trusted Snape. I had to agree it was quite unpleasant to have him there during the order meetings. And I guessed having to deal with Snape during breakfast, which according to Moody was the most important meal of the day, didn't sound pleasant to any of them.
But it hurt to see them give me these suspicious glares even though I had done nothing wrong yet. Maybe this was the reason why Snape was so unpleasant from the very instant he showed up? Because he felt unwanted even before he opened his mouth? Maybe he would be more pleasant if we were nice to him first? Just a though that flew through my head in the millisecond I stood in the door.
However, I was still hungry. I decided to ignore their stares and sit down anyways. 'Walk straight and don't trip over anything' I told myself. When Mrs Weasley spotted me, she instantly wished me a good morning and asked me whether I wanted a bowl of porridge or some eggs. She at least smiled and greeted me politely. Even though she seemed a bit nervous, it made me feel better.
'You don't have to say anything, Tonks. Don't say anything and they will let you be'.
"Porridge please" I said and tried to give her a polite smile (which Snape would kill me for, but it was Mrs Weasley not Sirius Black, so who cared?). She scooped up a generous portion for me and handed it over with another smile of her own.
"Thank you, Molly" I said and went to sit down by the table. Since the others didn't look too welcoming, I sat down at least four feet away from Bill Weasley who was closest to me. They were still staring suspiciously at me while I blew on my porridge.
"So, Snape. What brings you to Grimmauld place so early in the morning?" said Mad-eye conversationally. I knew he wanted to know whether I was up to something fishy. I had heard him talk to people like that before, even to me that one time I tried to prank him (which failed miserably). Usually, I would answer that he was too paranoid for his own good but saying that in Snapes body might make him angry. Or it might reveal who I was. Moody was an observant bugger.
"Albus told me to stay here for a while" I answered. I guess I needed to invent some reason. Perhaps a research project? I expected Mad-eye to ask further, like he usually did, and he didn't disappoint.
"Did he tell you to stay for a particular reason?"
"A research project" I said vaguely. They continued to stare suspiciously at me. "Don't worry, I will not pee in your shoes if that is what you're worried about."
Bill snorted some of his eggs onto the table and covered his mouth. I couldn't help but smile. I actively avoided looking at Remus but when he started speaking, I couldn't help it. "We were thinking more like 'please leave Sirius alone'" he said calmly.
Strangely enough this request annoyed me. I knew Remus thought he was talking to Snape, but I hated to hear him talk to me like that. As if he expected me to sneak up to Sirius Black and push him out of the nearest window. "Don't worry, Re- Lupin, I will stay off Black. He won't even notice I'm here" I said and stabbed my porridge with my spoon.
"Good" said Remus and gave me a last warning look before he turned back to his eggs. Moody wasn't convinced though. "If you keep going at him like you usually do I will make sure you regret it Snape" he said warningly. Both his good eye and his magical one were focused at me. I gulped. This was hard. To be threatened by Moody who clearly disliked me now, even though I had been one of his favourite protegès just a few days ago . . . It hurt.
"I'll remember that" I said at last. Hopefully no one noticed the lump I had in my throat.
We all went quiet for a few minutes without doing anything but eat. But soon Remus started casually "So, where is Tonks? I saw you and Albus talking to her earlier this morning. Did she go home?"
This spiked my curiosity. Why did Remus ask about me? Was it because he wanted to make sure Snape hadn't killed me, or was it because he cared about where I was? Could he possibly have feelings for me too? I got a bit distracted by that though until I noticed he was waiting for me to answer.
"Er, no, she's probably still here somewhere" I said and tried to look disinterested.
"If Tonks is here then why has she not come down for breakfast?" asked Mrs Weasley curiously.
"I wouldn't know" I tried my hardest to make a bored tone.
"I'll go get her" said Mrs Weasley and left the room. Bill noticed she had left the bacon without turning off the heat and quickly got up to tend to it. I was basically just hoping Snape would be nice to Mrs Weasley, and I worried too much to care about anything else until Mrs Weasley showed up with Snape in tow. He still looked a bit pale, and his hair was still green which worsened the appearance. "Look at you, you look pale dear. Do you feel ill? Come over here and have a nice bowl of porridge, it'll do you good" Mrs Weasley fussed. She dragged him over to the stove, shooed Bill back to his seat and scooped a huge bowl of porridge which she handed to Snape and ordered him to sit down.
Snape looked a bit overwhelmed, but he did as he was told and took the seat across from me next to Kingsley. Bill studied him for a few seconds "You look like shit, are you alright?" Trust a Weasley to be subtle. Snape glanced at me before he answered. I took the opportunity to give him a warning glare 'Be nice or else'.
"I don't feel so good" he answered carefully and picked at his porridge. "I suppose it's the drink I had last evening". I narrowed my eyes. Was this a hint to me? Did he think his peakiness came from our mystery potion?
I was distracted from that line of thought rather quickly when Mrs Weasley exclaimed; "Nonsense. You've come down with the flu, I'm sure. But don't worry all you need is a good meal, a good cup of tea and some rest. Then you'll be perfectly fine." She magically tilted an avalanche of bacon onto Remus's plate and levitated a gigantic mug of tea to Snape at the same time.
"Molly! That is by far too much!" Remus exclaimed while he backed away in his seat to avoid being hit by more flying bacon.
"Nonsense" said Mrs Weasley while she glared warningly at Bill who had just reached out to steal a piece of bacon from Remus's plate. The rest of the bacon flew to all the other plates whatever that person had been eating before. I even got a bunch of bacon strips on my porridge. I didn't think those types of food would fit together, but I ate it anyway.
After that the others loosened up a bit when they were sure I didn't care about anything else than my porridge (I did care but I pretended not to) while they continued to talk about some broom that Mad-eye had once owned. It seemed to go well until I glanced at Snape again. He was even paler than he had been ten minutes ago, and I looked on in alarm while he put his head in his hands and squeezed his eyes shut. He looked really ill.
"Kingsley!" I said loudly to get his attention. I gestured with my head towards Snape who just at that moment lost consciousness and slumped against the table. Kingsley was on his feet in an instant and kept him from falling off his chair.
"Molly, some help please!"
Molly cast some diagnostic charms over Snape and concluded that he had a very high fever. "Oh no, Kingsley dear will you carry her up to one of the rooms upstairs and put her on the bed. I need to tend to her. Bill, go get my supplies from our suitcases upstairs. Remus, Alastor, Severus, please stay here. There is nothing to worry about, it is just an exhaustion I'm sure." As Kingsley and Molly left, I sat back down in my chair. Apparently, I must have got up at some point. I was worried as well, believe it or not, but my first thought was that I needed to contact Albus right away.
Should I just leave while Remus and Mad-eye were still in the room? But that issue solved itself when Remus suddenly stood and left without a word. When it was only me and Mad-eye left, the latter glared at me for another ten seconds before he too left with a muttering excuse about work.
Good. I had the fireplace for myself.
I flooed straight into Dumbledores office without even bothering to give a head notice. Luckily, Albus had decided to eat his breakfast in his office today. He was sitting by his desk with a piece of toast in one hand and a book in the other when I entered. When I spoke, he dropped his toast in alarm.
"Snape is ill, he fainted about a minute ago. Molly insists that it's just the flu and that he fainted from exhaustion, but I think you should contact that woman again" I said. Albus stood up without a word and flooed away, leaving me alone in his office.
Well, that was awfully polite.
I slumped down in one of the headmaster's chairs and stared at his half eaten toast. Was it really just a flu or could it be an aftereffect of the potion? If it was, why didn't I feel anything? In fact, I was completely fine. Except for the fact that I was Severus bloody Snape . . . , but that was a completely different matter. How bloody ironic would it be if Snape died in my body at this moment and left me stuck in his forever? Well, then I would tell everyone who I was, and nobody could stop me, not even Albus. I supposed people would be glad to hear that I wasn't dead after all. But then again, that would mean people were relieved to hear it was Snape who had died and not me.
What a sad thought.
I would be devastated to know that people were happy I had died instead of someone else. Like I didn't even matter. Like I was worth nothing.
Great, now I felt sorry for Snape for something that hadn't even happened.
Then it hit me how much my life would change if I really did get stuck in Snapes body forever. I was currently a deatheater and I had the mark to prove it. Would Albus want me to continue the work that Snape had done for the order? Would he ask me to walk into Voldemort's lair and pretend to serve him? That was what Snape was doing right? He was a spy for the order. A double agent.
Nobody liked him. Well, that could change if he started treating people nicely. He had a job that he clearly didn't like. Even though I had nothing against children per sè, Potions was not my favourite subject. He was sickly thin and not overly handsome. Not to mention the vital detail that he was male. I would never have a chance with Remus if I was male (and especially not if I was Severus Snape). Unless Remus was into that sort of thing . . . In that case, it might not be a problem . . .
But basically, his life sounded like shit in my head, and I slowly started to panic. What if he died? What if I did get stuck in his body forever? My life would be ruined. Just because of some stupid potion and Mundungus bloody Fletcher . . .
Then I felt guilty for thinking more about myself than of Snape.
Of course I would be sad if he died . . .
I was about to conduct a plan of how best to strangle Mundungus Fletcher if Snape really did die when Albus stepped out of the fireplace with Amaryllis in tow.
"There you are, now, where is the other one?" asked Amaryllis in confusion.
"I'm afraid he is in the headquarters so we will have to go there and find him. Now if you would be so kind as to come over here so I can cast an invisibility spell over you." Said Dumbledore and waved his wand at her when she stepped towards him. She instantly disappeared and so did Albus a second later.
"Sev- I mean Tonks, can you floo into the headquarters first so we can follow in case someone is in the kitchen. Amaryllis and I need to see Severus, but it would look suspicious if I came to the headquarters just to check in on you when you only have the common flu. We need you to coach Molly or whoever is looking after Severus to leave for a few minutes so that we can get in and do some diagnostics. If it is nothing to worry about, I want you to follow us back to my office, but if it is bad, I will take care of the matter.
I nodded. To what exhausting lengths we had to go just to keep a bloody secret. Wouldn't it be better if we just told everyone in the Order so they could be on guard as well?
"You know that Moody might still be in the building, right?" I reminded him.
"Oh, I'll manage him. Don't worry" said Albus's voice with confidence.
"How are you doing dear?" said Amaryllis's voice to my right. "You look perfectly fine. Do you feel faint at all?" I felt some magic sweep over me. It was obvious that she cast diagnostic spells.
"I'm fine . . . surprisingly enough."
"Yes, I see you are completely fine. A bit undernourished perhaps, but that is another matter. How odd. If it is a lingering effect from the potion, I would suspect to see symptoms on both of you . . . but of course, it could also be an allergic reaction. Well, we better get going" said Amaryllis.
"Tonks, after you" said Dumbledre's voice.
I snuck trough the fireplace, counting on Albus and Amaryllis to follow me. Through the kitchen (which was empty) up the stairs and into the room where Snape had been placed. In there was only Molly. She seemed to have thrown out any hovering males (if there had been any) and made herself busy by brewing a fever reducing potion in a corner. What did I say to make her leave? I had to come up with something before she noticed me.
But she looked up and noticed me.
At her questioning look I thought I'd have to say something smart and articulate in order to sound like Snape. I said; "Err . . ."
Then I realised it wasn't the best way to start ". . . Would you like some help, Molly?"
She looked confused for a moment before she glanced at Snape who lay still unconscious on the bed and then back to me. A flash of wonder went over her face as if she had just realized something. "No, thank you Severus, that is very kind, but I think I will be fine."
I might have blushed in embarrassment. Great, now Molly thought Snape had a thing for me. He would hate me for this. But I still had to make her leave, so I continued to stand there not sure what to say. But then, as luck had it, Molly started looking for something around her workstation and sighed. "Actually, there is something you can help me with. I seem to have misplaced my flask of horklump juice, I don't suppose you have some?"
I found this quite funny. It was a bit of a silly question, especially coming from Molly and I couldn't help but smile. "I may be a potions teacher, but I don't usually carry ingredients around in my pockets, Molly". I hoped she didn't take my tone as degrading, but thankfully she saw my smile.
She tutted at her own silliness with an embarrassed smile "Silly me, I am sorry, I am quite gone today."
"I could however, look after your potion while you find it. That much I can do at least" I said and grabbed the opportunity when I saw it. When Molly still hesitated I said "Don't worry, I won't poison her. At least not when I can be caught so easily" I added with another crooked smile and gave myself a mental pat on the back for my awesome acting skills.
Molly rolled her eyes at me, but the distrust in her eyes had disappeared. She rose and dusted her robes. "Alright then. Make sure to stir every minute and cut the jillflower leaves with-" then she stopped herself when she realized who she was talking to. "Oh, you know how to brew this. Of course you do. Silly me" she said again. She looked like she was blushing slightly "I'll be right back."
Thank merlin I knew how to brew that potion.
While I sat down, started to cut the jillflower leaves and stirred every now and then, I heard some of Albus and Amaryllis's whispering words over Snape's unconscious form. "Very high fever, yes yes", "Nothing out of the usual" and "Curious". I was reassured to hear none of their voices sounded alarmed.
Molly came back extremely fast with a bottle of horclump juice in her hand. "Thank you for your help, Severus, that is very kind." She put the bottle on the worktable, but she didn't relieve me of the potion immediately. Perhaps she expected me to finish it since I was there. The only problem was that I had no room to make a mistake, lest she should get suspicious of me. She expected Severus Snape to be able to do this potion in his sleep, but I actually had to read the instructions. I stepped away and gave her the stirrer a bit awkwardly.
"You don't want to help out?" asked Molly a bit perplexed.
"No, you'll be fine. I should leave now."
"Oh, but you are welcome to stay if you want to. I only threw out Kingsley because he tends to hover."
I couldn't help but smile at this. Kingsley did tend to hover when someone was hurt or ill. He was simply a very caring guy. "Er, no" I said, and went for the door "I should go." I left without even bothering to check whether Albus and Amaryllis were finished. I didn't want to stay there any longer. I went down the stairs to the kitchen and waited by the table until I felt a tap on my shoulder from someone invisible. I took that as a cue to floo to Albus's office.
Well back in the headmaster's office, Albus dropped the invisibility spells on himself and Amaryllis. "It seems to be nothing more than a regular flu" said Amaryllis cheerfully. "Nothing to worry about."
"Yes, that is good news" said Albus and sat down in his chair behind the desk. "I am pleased to hear that it is nothing dangerous. Lemon drop anyone?" We all took one, but I dropped mine in surprise when Albus exclaimed "Oh, Merlins beard! I have to ask you to leave, I have a meeting with the minister of magic after breakfast. He could show up any minute now."
"I will talk to you both later then" said Amaryllis. She patted my elbow before she disappeared in the fireplace.
I hesitated for a moment "Are you sure Snape is okay?"
"Positive my dear" said Albus and smiled.
I nodded and flooed back to Grimmauld place for the umpteenth time that morning. The kitchen was empty but the plates where still on the table. I helped myself to some bacon from Remus's plate before I started cleaning it all away by hand just to have something to do. When I finished with that I tried to practice my household spells on the rest of the kitchen (my dusting spells are rubbish).
And that was how I spent the next hours, by mostly cleaning things randomly or waiting. What I was waiting for I had no idea. There were moments when I wondered if I should go and see how Snape was doing, but I decided it would look too suspicious. The most eventful part of the day was when I tried to use the restroom. I don't need to tell you about that, you can imagine I had some trouble at first. I kept mostly to the library where I tried to read a book on ancient potions-making and its history. There was nothing in it about The Well of Lives, but it might still have been interesting if I had managed to concentrate properly. My mind didn't want to work with me. It came back to the same distracting thought that Remus probably didn't prefer men. I didn't even know why I kept thinking about that. In the end, it became quite annoying.
Molly had made Sirius take care of Snape while she made dinner so he would avoid bumping into me (which I thought was rather ironic). And then she placed me and Sirius on complete opposite sides of the table throughout dinner. Sirius glared at me from time to time. He looked like he wanted nothing more than to throw me out, but someone had apparently told him I was here on Albus's orders, so he didn't say anything. Even though I ignored him for the most part, his behaviour hurt, just like the behaviour of the rest of the order who didn't bother to talk to me either.
The only good thing about dinner was the presence of the Weasley children. They had appeared in the house sometime during the day and they were loud and noisy for the rest of the evening. Their presence made it easier to become invisible. I know, a dire thought indeed. I hated being invisible. If I had been able to choose, I would have found myself in the middle of the crowd, laughing away with the Weasley twins for example. But it was easier to stay quiet and away from their glares.
In the end I found a random tiny and vacant bedroom in the third floor next to Snape's room. I thanked Merlin the kids had rooms in the floors above, so I wouldn't have to stumble into them if I needed to use the loo at night. Albus had even sent a house-elf to fetch some of Snape's clothes for me. The only clothes he had were his long black robes and some long grey nightshirts that reached to his knees. Seriously how old was this guy? 150?
Even though it was only about nine o'clock I had never felt so exhausted in my life. This had been a very, very long day.
In the quiet hours of the night something stirred in the depths of the house. In one of Grimmauld place's most secret rooms, a light suddenly appeared and pulsed dimly in the darkness. The source was a large wardrobe, placed in the middle of the floor. The light streamed from its keyhole, but it lasted only for a moment. Then the light disappeared and left the lonesome wardrobe in total darkness. Nothing more happened until the wardrobe doors started rattling.
