Chapter 7:

I was sick and tired of this man by now, so I stormed out of the room and out of the front door at Grimmaulds place. Then I apparated away. I didn't really think about where I wanted to go until I noticed I had appeared in front om my mum and dads house. I looked exactly the same as it had last time I visited (which was last week or something). But now it looked strange and unfamiliar as if I didn't belong there anymore. I hesitated. I wanted nothing more than to storm in there and throw myself in my mums arms but how would she receive me now?

I stood there and stared at the door for another minute only listening to my own breath. I felt an irrational fear that my parents would reject me when I looked like Snape and that they wouldn't want me anymore. But I had to tell myself I was being silly. They wouldn't just throw me off because I had changed my appearance. No, I had to talk to them now before I burst. I was so angry at the world at the moment, and at fate, and at that stupid idiot . . .

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I heard my dad inside yell something to my mum and then the door opened. It was a relief to see my dad look exactly the same as he had last week, the only difference was that he had a surprised, suspicious and slightly alarmed expression on his face. I couldn't blame him. There was a strange man on his doorstep. After we heard of the return of Voldemort, my dad had been very suspicious of strangers and we had put all the best protection spells on our house except for a fidelius charm. The fact that a strange man was even able to find the house must have been very alarming for him. I knew he was pulling his wand out behind the door.

"Who are you?"

"Hi, ahm . . . ." I didn't know what to say. Did I just call him dad? He was used to seeing me change my appearance, I had shown my parents what I could do but I had never before come home looking like someone else. Besides, there was this tiny fact that I was now male and as I have mentioned before there is a limit to my abilities. I cannot change my gender. I can change myself enough to look like a male but I can't physically change into a guy. Anyways, while I stood there and mused over what to tell him first, my dad pulled out his wand and pointed it at me. "Who are you, and how did you find this house? Answer me now mister!" he said warningly and thrust his wand at me.

"It's me, dad, it's me!" I blurted and held my hands up to show him I was unarmed. My dad stared at me in disbelief before he exclaimed "Dora!? Why do you come home looking like that?" he lowered his wand slightly but his suspicious expression didn't disappear.

"It's a long story dad, I have to tell you both. Look, just ask me the question so I can come in."

After three years with Mad-eye as my supervisor and mentor I'd had that 'constant vigilance' crap knocked thoroughly into my head. The days after we heard of Voldemorts return he had advised all the order members to do security questions before we gave away important information or let someone into our houses. But Mad-eye had a point. We had no idea what Voldemort was up to right now.

Dad eyed me curiously before he said; "Well then, what did we give you for your seventh birthday?"

I smiled "You gave me a bike so I could learn how to ride one. Mum was very fascinated at first because she had never seen one before. She wouldn't let me try it before she had examined it properly" my dad nodded "Alright Dora, it is really you, come in, come in."

"Dad, remember I have to ask you a question too, we have been through this."

"Ah, Mad-eye and his 'vigilance', alright alright, go on."

"What did you tell me last time I saw you, about my mum?"

"Dora! How can you ask that? She is in the living room, she can hear us!"

"Just answer the question, dad" I said laughing.

"Alright, alright, I said that she had a nice arse, happy?"

"Something I didn't need to hear. You knew I would use it against you."

"Just get in here you punk" he gave a crooked smile and opened the door. I went in to the sitting room where my mum sat in the sofa with a pleased smile on her face. It disappeared when she saw me, and was replaced by an expression of confusion. "Dora, is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me, mum."

"Why do you look like that?"

"Ah . . . that is what I came to talk to you about."

"Oh, ok . . . Well sit down dear." She said even more confused.

"Why don't you change back so that we can talk to you properly, dear?" asked my dad and waved his wand to summon a tray of teacups and a pot. I stared down at my feet for a moment "I can't" I said before I surprised everyone, even myself, by bursting into tears. Again. My parents looked at each other in alarm. As I said before, I usually didn't cry in front of people. My mum was at my side instantly and patted my back.

"I can't change back!" I managed to choke out. I told them everything about the change and about Amaryllis and how she didn't know if she could find a cure. "And Snape acts like he believes it is all my fault, and he keeps lashing out at me or shutting himself off. And Dumbledore told us to pretend that nothing's happened, so I have to act like Snape all the time and I don't know what to do about myself." Mum and dad listened intently and when I finished they were unusually quiet. Mum poured herself a cup of tea and drank all of it before she said; "are you sure there is no cure?"

"Yes! . . . Well, Dumbledore and Amaryllis are working on it, but I doubt they will be able to find it" I said downcast. This time mum put her cup down and enveloped me in a hug. "Dora, you know we will love you no matter how you look, right?"

She didn't need to say it. I already knew that, but hearing it made me feel immensely better and I dried my tears "Thanks mum."

I took the teacup mum handed to me and took a sip before I remembered something "Amaryllis told us an important bit of information. A saying; something about liquid sunshine, and we would find our revelations . . . but I don't know what it means."

"Liquid sunshine?" asked my dad thoughtfully.

"What could that mean?" asked my mum.

"I don't know, but apparently, it is a saying that has been passed down through generations. It has some kind of connection to this potion" I said.

"Liquid sunshine . . . " said my dad again "you know, in ancient poems liquid sunshine was used as a metaphor for rain."

"Rain?" I asked dubiously.

"How can that be of any help?" asked mum with the same dubious tone.

"I guess we'll find out" said dad still thoughtfully and looked out of the window. I exchanged a look with my mum. I didn't think rain could have anything to do with this. There was nothing magical about rain was there?

"So, about this Severus Snape dear . . . Wasn't he a deatheater?" said mum carefully. I sighed. "He was, but Dumbledore trusts him. Although he seems to want us all to believe he is still a bad guy". I told them everything about how he behaved at order meetings and how his reaction had been to the potion and how he had acted since. "He is a walking mood swing, you have no idea how his mood is from one moment to the next and I don't understand him at all."

"You have told us before how he behaved as a teacher, and he did not sound like a good man then either, but he seems . . . troubled. Perhaps that is the reason why he cannot act civilly towards others?" said mum helpfully. "Perhaps his life has been very trying for him?"

"I know there is a lot of pressure on him" I said while I continued to sip my tea. "He is a spy for the order which involves having to play a deatheater for Voldemort. I am sure that is quite stressful, but that doesn't give him the right to treat his students badly, nor his fellow order members. He treats Sirius like shit because he wants to take revenge for how Sirius treated him at school. He should have forgiven him by now. It was 20 years ago. And when this happened" I gestured in the direction of my own chest "He began throwing shit at me as well. And when he is not doing that he shuts himself away. I am only trying to help."

"Well, if he really is a good man as you say, and I do trust Dumbledores judgement, maybe he keeps hiding away and being rude because he feels guilty? Maybe he feels bad because he believes it is his fault you two are in this mess? Maybe it would work to tell him that you do not blame him and that you know this is not his fault?"

"I don't even know if there is any point in talking to him."

"There is always a point in trying to talk to someone" said mum "As far as I understand, this man has never had anyone to talk to before. Maybe if you talked to him about his feelings he will warm up to you?"

I stared at my teacup for a long time. They were right. I should give him a chance to calm down and talk properly with him for a change. The only trick was figuring out how to do that.

"Thanks mum, thanks dad" I kissed them both on the cheek. Then I realised how strange it must be for both of them to be kissed by a strange man. Too late though. "May I stay for dinner?" I asked. "The guys at the headquarters aren't very friendly nowadays."

"What? Why not?" asked my mum incredulously, but then she realized "Oh, not to you of course but to Snape?"

"Yeah."

"Well that is what happens when he keeps acting like a bastard. Then people will treat him like one" said mum and wrapped me in another tighter hug "I am so sorry you have to go through that on his behalf." Then she released me and put her hands on my shoulders.

"Well let me look at you" she said with a bit of mischief in her voice. It was obvious she wanted to lighten the mood. "It could be worse, although this man could never be considered eyecandy-"

"Mum!" I exclaimed laughing at her choice of word. I had taught her that word a few years ago when I accidentally used it in her presence. That had resulted in me having to explain to her what it meant before I had to teach her some more modern muggle-slang for good measure. After that she had been using muggle slang on random occasions, some which had left me quite embarrassed.

"Oh, you know what I mean" she said "Not the most attractive man in the world, but he does have the potential to look handsome if he tried. His hair does not suit him and his teeth are a bit miscoloured but if you fix that you'll look vastly better. I can see that this man clearly doesn't treat himself well. Look how thin you are. And you are way too pale for your own good. I think you have some vitamin deficiencies. You have this sort of grey pallor. You need to give this man a talking. Listen, I can whip up a little vitamin potion right now. It won't fix everything right away but it will help a little. Will you let me do that dear?"

"Yeah, thanks mum" I said happily. Mum left the room and I heard her tinker around in our small potions lab down the hall.

"Dad, I don't suppose you have some muggle clothes I can borrow until I get to sneak out and buy some for myself. I can't exactly go shopping dressed like this and I can't stand this style of clothing for much longer."

Dad smiled and rose from his chair "I might have some leftover clothes from my twenties that might fit you, but you must realize you are much skinnier than I ever was."

"I know dad, it's only until I can buy my own clothes."

"So you are convinced you are going to stay like this for a long time then?"

"Yeah, I think I might have to be prepared to look like this forever . . ."

"Oh dear" he gave me a hug and patted me on the head "We will get through this honey. We will stay with you, remember that. We will always love you no matter how you look."

I blinked back new tears but my dad released me and smiled. This was one of those times when I realised just how much I loved my parents. Dad waved for me to come upstairs to the attic. "There might be some old clothes somewhere here but I warn you, they might be outdated by now."

I smiled "That doesn't matter, I just need something to wear so I can go to muggle London and buy something else." I followed him up the stairs to the second floor where he opened the panel overhead that led to the attic. I didn't usually go to the attic, mostly because my dad had never let me when I was little, and now that I was grown up I didn't live at home anymore. Last time I had been up there was when I was sixteen and had snuck up there out of curiosity. The attic was full of boxes with nick-knacks collected over the years. I knew there was an entire box filled with my drawings from when I was little, and we had another box somewhere filled to the brim with Christmas decorations right next to the stairs. That was the box we used to bring out most often, all the other boxes were stacked to the back and away from the stairs. My dad headed over to one of the oldest and most hidden boxes in the back and pulled it out from under a pile of discarded curtains. "Here it is" he said with an exited smile. "I haven't looked in this for ages, but it should contain some of my clothes from the seventies when I was a lot fitter."

We brought the box downstairs to the living room and dad opened the lid and started pulling out richly patterned or deeply coloured pieces of clothing before he got to the bottom and pulled up a pair of jeans. "Here you go" he held out the jeans for me "these should fit you better than anything I have today, I kept these you see because they are quite a fine pair of jeans. The best fitting jeans I ever had. I suppose I kept them for sentimental reasons. Too bad they will not fit me anymore."

"Thanks dad."

While my mum made vitamin potions and dad whipped up dinner I went into my old bedroom with the box of clothing to try things on. Apparently my dad had only kept the shirts he thought where most funny, because they all had some dreadful pattern on them or (Merlin forbid) frills and flounces. I discarded all of those. I could not under any circumstances imagine Severus Snape happy to be dressed in leopard print. The mental picture was hilarious though. In the end I found a plain red flannel shirt (the most normal looking thing in the pile) and put it on. Everything was a bit too large, but I held all up with a belt.

I could not resist the temptation to look in the mirror on my wardrobe door before I went out. Not bad actually. Yes, it was obviously too big but red suited Snape surprisingly well.

My mum didn't agree though. "You look like a hillbilly" was the first thing she said when I entered the kitchen.

"Thanks mum, I appreciate that." I smiled mischievously at my dad who looked quite affronted at his wife's remark on his old shirt. "Would you rather I fetch the frills? Or perhaps the leopard prints instead?"

"Indeed you shall not!" said my mother appalled. "What on earth would you keep the leopard print for Teddy? It was horrendous." She asked her husband. My father defended himself by saying "It was funny!"

The rest of the evening went on quite pleasurably. Just like any other dinner with my mum and dad, except for the fact that I was now a thirty-five-year-old man. I also realized I no longer liked the taste of Brussel sprout. What a shame, I used to love Brussel sprout.

But the nice atmosphere was cut short when I started to feel dizzy.

I tried to ignore it at first, hoping it would go away but it didn't stop there.

My vision floated in and out of focus and I tried to hold onto the table to stop it from moving while I was bombarded with emotions that didn't make sense. Fear, sadness, devastation, guilt, and a ton of other confusing emotions jumbled up in a ball were shoved into my brain and made it feel like it was made of pudding. I didn't know what was happening. I heard mum and dads faint cries of worry in the background but I could not understand their words as the floor suddenly jumped up to attack me.