Chapter 14:

I slept very badly that night. My dreams were haunted by disgusting men who were trying to feel me up while I tried to crop a field of grass with a scythe that kept falling out of my hands. My neck was stiff when I woke the next morning and my back ached from laying on the wooden floor. My cushioning charm had run out during the night, and I hadn't bothered to renew it.

I sat up, stretched and tried to knead the ache away from my back.

Until I noticed I was alone.

There was no Snape in the bed next to me, and he was nowhere to be found I our tiny room. He had left me there alone! How could he do that to me!? Not after the months I had spent alone. Not again.

I quickly rose from my position on the floor and darted to the window on the opposite side of the bed. My heart sped up wildly in my chest at the thought that Snape had left me.

What if he had decided to go on the trip without me? What if he had decided he didn't want to be a part of the journey and went somewhere else? Or what if he hadn't left by his own accord? If someone had hurt him . . . I was about to hurl myself out of the window to look for him when I noticed a figure on the ground beneath me.

A woman, lurking in the shadows from the morning sun, clearly trying to avoid being observed.

That must be Snape, I was sure of it.

I let out a relieved breath when the woman beneath me waved her wand, pulled forward the ladder we had used to climb up during the night and placed it against my window.

Snape noticed me while he climbed and upped his pace until he reached the top.

"Where did you go!?" I asked when he was halfway through the window.

"You must see that. I got you a better dress than the one you got from the castle" he answered infuriatingly unaffected.

"You could have told me you were going out!"

"You were asleep. I thought I'd not wake you. There is no need to-"

"Then you could at least have left me a note!" I exclaimed, more upset than I needed to be. Snape gave me a look between exasperation and confusion. Clearly puzzled by my reaction.

"Merlin, I thought you'd left me" I said more to myself than to him. But I had said it aloud, and he heard me.

"There is no need to jump to conclusions, miss Tonks. Since I have nowhere else to go, there is hardly any reason for me to leave. If you used your head once in a while to think, you would have realised that."

I smiled humourlessly and looked away so I didn't need to see his stupid face (my face I suppose . . . ).

He had a point of course, but he had to be rude about it. I wondered again if this was the only form of communication he knew.

I decided I didn't have the energy to continue the discussion further, so I focused on something else. "How long have you been awake exactly?"

"Nearly two hours. There are no soldiers around yet, but it is still early" he said and jumped down from the windowsill. His hair was now half long and curly, with a deep brown colour. I could swear I had seen that colour before; on Hermione Granger. But I wasn't sure wether Snape was aware of that. He also wore a kirtle I had never seen before which barely made a sound when he moved.

I was surprised how calm he looked. He almost looked bored, completely unfazed by yesterdays happenings. But I wondered how he really felt.

"Oh" I said very intelligently. Without anything more to say, I only stood there in the middle of the floor, feeling stupid. I suddenly realized how tired I was still. I wanted to go back to sleep. Snape too, only stood there for a second, unsure of what to say before he turned to my little backpack on the floor and pulled out an apple with a wave of his wand.

"Here" he said and handed the apple to me. "Eat that. A little breakfast will do you good."

" . . . thanks" I said and could only notice how he sounded strangely like Molly Weasley. I stood there for another second before I decided to do as I was told. I sat down on the floor with my back to the bed and took a bite of my breakfast without another word. Snape remained in his spot awkwardly before he crossed his arms in annoyance. Then he gingerly moved to the bed and sat down next to me. Although he didn't stoop so low as to sit on the floor.

I wondered briefly if he was annoyed because he had expected me to acknowledge his new dress with more appreciation or if he simply felt like being annoyed. But I couldn't make myself appreciate anything after he had given me such a fright.

He could at least have left me a note to tell me where was!

But I supposed being angry at him didn't gain me anything. He obviously didn't understand he had done something wrong, and we were supposed to travel together alone for over two weeks. Perhaps I should try harder to forgive him for his lack of tact?

"Does it fit?" I asked, more for the sake of conversing than actually needing to know.

"As you can see" he answered very helpfully.

"Show me!" I said and gestured to the floor in front of me, not able to keep the exasperation out of my voice.

He hesitated for a second before he rose and stood in the spot I had pointed at. I rose to have a look at it from a better angle. The new dress was a brownish green kirtle with a tightly fit bodice and short arms. The skirt was a bit too short and the bodice a little too large, but it wasn't bad considering he'd stolen it at random in the early morning hours. "I'm impressed" I said at last "It fits rather nicely."

"I was lucky" he said awkwardly. I noticed he was unconsciously pulling his shoulders up towards his ears while I studied him. He was obviously not comfortable with my inspection. Perhaps he was afraid I'd bring up last nights event? Or perhaps it was only the idea of wearing a dress? I didn't know. Either way, I wanted to reassure him somehow, but I figured it might have the opposite effect of what I intended.

Instead I continued to eat my apple in silence.

He pressed to leave immediately after I finished my breakfast. There was of course the danger of Mordons soldiers to think about so I conjured a mirror and proceeded to change my appearance with transfiguration. It was a hell lot more of a challenge to change my appearance when I needed to use transfiguration instead of my metamorphmagi abilities. But I did it without needing Snapes help (thank Merlin). When I was done I had sandy blonde hair, blue eyes, a smaller nose and a goatee just for fun.

Snape snorted "You look ridiculous."

"Perfect, now let's go."

We snuck out of the window when we thought the coast was clear and found our stolen horse just like we had left her in the stable. She had gone back to her usual shade of brown during the night, but no one seemed to have noticed her. I quickly renewed the charm on her fur before I started to saddle her. Snape sat down on the bench and waited while I tended to her. He seemed reluctant to come any closer than necessary. He even backed away several feet when I led her past him on my way out of the stable. He may have told me he wanted to make a clear path for the horse, but he moved away too quickly to fool me.

I discovered the first pair of soldiers when I led the horse out on the street. They glanced at me briefly from atop their own horses but continued in the opposite direction without much interest. Snape, who had noticed the soldiers before me, didn't come out of the stable before they were gone.

"They seem to be unaware anything has happened" I said when he came up to me.

"It will not last for much longer" he answered.

"No, I suppose not" I said. I mounted the horse and pulled my foot out of the stirrup so Snape could use it to mount behind me. He didn't move. Instead he looked at me uncertainly. "I could walk . . ."

"Don't be stupid, then we'll never get out of this town. Come on, take my hand and put your foot in the stirrup. I'll pull you up."

He did not look convinced but he stepped closer anyways. When he reached out his hand to take mine however, the horse stepped backwards and sideways as if to avoid him. I knew she was only being difficult but Snape pulled his hand away as if he had been burned. "It dislikes me! This is a terrible idea!"

"No, she doesn't dislike you, she's just being difficult" I assured him. "Aren't you?" I asked the horse and patted her neck. She didn't respond but I was convinced she looked pleased with herself.

"Now try again. I will help pull you up."

"No, I will walk" said Snape stubbornly.

"Severus, it's a horse, not a manticore. There is nothing to be afraid of."

There was a sudden change in mood when Snape got angry again "Now listen here you stupid girl. I am not afraid of a bloody horse!" he said and gritted his teeth.

'Back to 'stupid girl' are we?' i thought bitterly. But I decided to ignore his comment, mostly because it was a bad idea to start a shouting match in the middle of the street when all we wanted was to leave unnoticed.

"Then get on. Trust me, I know what I am doing. We need to get out of here very soon" I urged.

"How do you even know how to ride a horse?"

"My dad used to take me to riding lessons before I started Hogwarts."

He still looked dubious, but this time he took my hand properly and let me pull him up. The horse tried to be difficult again and took another step backwards (she was one sadistic horse) but this time I managed to pull Snape up and place him behind me. He put his arms around my waist awkwardly and breathed out. Probably in relief. I wondered whether he was afraid of heights? But I had seen him ride brooms before, so that was probably not it. Maybe he was afraid to put his trust in a lerge animal that he couldn't control?

At least he was up and I cast a feather light charm on us both, so the horse wouldn't tire too quickly. Then I moved her in what I thought was the right direction. We passed two more soldiers when we exited the village who didn't even seem remotely interested in us. I hoped it was a good sign and not a bad one, but I kept my eyes open for more while we headed out on the road.

According to the legends; The Well was on an island in the sea north of the castle of Bruberg. According to the villagers of Watercrest, the Castle of Bruberg was north of where we were. I used my wand to point us northward and we headed along a road that tilted slightly towards the sea. That was promising. During my stay in Watercrest I had tried to draw a map of the area based on what I had heard from the villagers tales about the journey to The Well. I remembered it clearly in my head.

I had been looking at it a lot lately.

According to the villagers; the journey would be dangerous. Not that any of them had taken the journey themselves. Their knowlege was heavily based on legend, but still, it was better than nothing. While we rode on, I told Snape what we would expect.

"There is another village about five miles from here. That is also under the district of Lord Mordon so we have to be careful on this road and through the village. Beyond that there is a forest that none of the muggles enter. They call it 'The Enchanted forest' because people who go in there tend to never come out. The descriptions make it sound like Mirkwood in Lord of the Rings–"

"Mirkwood?" said Snape thoughtfully. "The one with the talking trees?"

"No, the one with the giant spiders" I said helpfully. Then it occurred to me, Snape actually knew what I was talking about. "Wait, have you read Tolkien?"

"Of course I have, otherwise I wouldn't have known what you were talking about" he drawled from behind me.

"Yes but, I didn't expect you to know about a muggle writer."

"You expected me to know mere seconds ago" he pointed out.

"Well . . . it didn't occur to me" I said embarrassed. "I mean, these are muggle books. So I didn't know you had read muggle literature. Let alone muggle literature for children."

"I was a child once too you know" he said, still in the same drawl. He sounded like he found my entire existence annoying.

I sighed in exasperation "You know what I mean."

"You thought I came from a full-blooded family" he stated, partly amused.

"Aren't you?" I asked in confusion. I had always expected him to be from a rich and privileged pure-blood household, like all the other deatheaters.

"Partly. My mother was a full blood" he said "But my father was a muggle." His tone was neutral and emotionless.

This information spiked my curiosity. "I didn't know that!" I said in surprise.

"There is a lot you don't know about me."

"Of course there is, that's why I want to know you better."

Snape went quiet for a few minutes before he answered; "We'll see about that."

I wasn't sure what to say anymore. Not daring to ask more questions about his past, I directed the conversation back to our journey. "So anyways, the muggle tales about this 'Enchanted forest' makes it sound like Mirkwood."

"Even the gigantic spiders?" he said dubiously.

"Oh, no, that's just the book" I said with a little smile. "There are no tales of gigantic spiders from this forest."

"It sounds like you are suggesting we ride through it" said Snape with fake cheerfulness.

"Um . . . yes" I said. I felt sheepish. "The woods go for a few miles in each direction. Riding around it would take another week or so whatever direction we go, but if we go straight through it we save some time. At least that's what I heard. My theory is that the muggles avoid it, not because it is terribly dangerous, but because it is crawling with magical creatures. It's probably just boggarts and I dunno, Ghouls and whatever."

"What a relief" said Snape, his voice dripping with sarcasm. I had to laugh at his tone.

We agreed to risk the forest in the end.

After a mile in the same direction we discovered where the rest of the soldiers had gone. When we turned around a bend in the road, we spotted about five of them some yards in front of us.

"Shit, what do we do now?" I asked and felt tempted to turn the horse around.

"Don't turn, ride straight on. One of them has spotted us already" said Snape as if he could read my mind. And indeed he was right. The blonde soldier in the back said something to the others and pointed at us.

"We could always dilusion ourselves, or take them down. They haven't pulled out any weapons yet" I said frantically searching for a way out.

"Don't worry, I've got it." Snape said. His voice determined.

"Okay" I said dubiously. I had no idea what he was up to, but I could only trust him. The soldiers rode up to us and asked us a lot of questions about who we were and where we were going. I made up some rubbish with a smile. Told them that Snape was my sister and that we were off to Manchester (I had no idea whether Machester existed yet) to marry him off. Meanwhile, Snape swiftly confounded every soldier in turn. When the last soldier lost the focus in his eyes I told them they were letting us pass. They did as I instructed without another word and rode off the road, straight into some bushes.

"Neat" I told Snape who put away his wand.

"Just ride" he said impatiently.

After finishing with my explanation of our travel ahead, we fell into an awkward silence. It didn't take long until I was bored. We had been riding for ages without talking. All I could do was watch the trees as they passed. I was also beginning to feel incredibly sore from sitting on the horseback. After another million years of riding in silence (it was probably no more than half an hour) I suggested a break by a small creak. I explained to Snape how to get off the horse before he had the chance to ask. But when it was my turn I realised I had exceeded my own endurance.

Holding onto the horseback with your legs is hard work and when your body has never done it before (like Snapes body), well . . . My legs felt like jelly when I put my weight on them. I winced and let out a string of curses.

"Perhaps we should walk for a while?" asked Snape with a crooked smile. He seemed fine, but then again, he hadn't done the riding. We had a break for half an hour where we ate some bread and cheese for lunch. Again we talked very little before we started to walk in silence. The air was growing hot and humid even though it was clouded above us. I estimated it was about noon but it was hard to tell. "Seriously this silence is getting on my nerves, can we talk about something?" I said while we walked.

"Like what?"

"Anything. I'm bored."

Snape went quiet for so long I thought he had decided to ignore me. "I have been thinking . . ." he said at last "about the mental link we share when it rains. I assume you can pick up on some of my emotions?"

"Yes" I said hesitatingly, not sure how much I wanted to mention about his emotions. Especially not those I had picked up from him for the past few weeks.

"I have picked up on some of yours as well. Yesterday you told me clearly to stay where I was through the link, a clear sign it extends to thoughts as well as emotions" he continued "and I thought perhaps it could extend to memories as well."

"That is an interesting thought, but . . . do you want to share your memories with me?"

He looked at me as if I was stupid "No."

"Oh, okay then."

"But it could be practical to understand the link better. To understand how to use it."

I had to agree with him. If we could figure out how to communicate through the link if we ever got separated, then it could save our lives. I nodded thoughtfully. "So you want to try it out the next time it rains?"

"Perhaps" he fell silent again.

"Sure, I'm not opposed to that" I said with a smile. He nodded back.

An hour later we trudged out into an open landscape of grasslands and acres. Between two small hills in front of us was the village that also belonged to Lord Mordon. I wanted to suggest we go in and steal some more food, but Snape pointed out fifteen red clad soldiers in the outskirts of the village. To get in, we would have to pass them. We decided it was best to stay away and rode on towards the forest. We travelled until late in the afternoon continually switching between riding and walking. We had a break nearly every hour but I felt it was necessary to take it slowly in the beginning. I didn't want to exhaust myself and become snappish. If both of us became as snappish as Snape usually was, this trip would be unbearable.

Because I was so easily bored I wanted badly to talk about something. But I didn't know what to talk about. After all I needed to avoid any subject that became too deep or personal or Snape would shut himself off. In the end I burst "Why don't you tell me about the uses of fluxweed or something?"

He raised an overbearing eyebrow at me and drawled; "You want to know the uses of fluxweed?"

"Yes, anything" I said with a smile, ignoring that my face was slowly growing hot. "Quiz me on potions or something. I don't know if I remember much about it."

"Why do you want to be quizzed on potions at this time?"

"Because I'm bored. I told you."

"Are you going to be like this the entire journey?"

"Yes" I said without hesitation.

He gave a long and exasperated sigh and might have rolled his eyes, I couldn't see because he had his face away from me. However, when he turned back he said; "Fine, I'll quiz you on potions."

"Perfect. Give me some exam questions or something."

He sighed in exasperation again. "Are you sure about that?"

"Yeah, if you don't want to I could always tell you about my auror training."

Strangely enough, he looked interested all of a sudden "Really?"

"Sure, if you want."

"Fine, I'll quiz you in potions if you tell me of your auror training."

"Deal" then I hesitated "could you start with a lower level than NEWTS? I might be terrible."

"As I recall you got an Outstanding on your potions NEWTS."

"Yes, I did, didn't I." I was very proud of that actually. "But I have only worked with certain potions since I quit school so I am afraid I might have forgotten the rest."

"OWLS level then?" he asked with a crooked smile.

The quiz went surprisingly well. Probably because I wasn't as terrible as I had expected. I gave Snape no reason to be impatient with me. After a while I started to tell him about the steps of my auror training. He listened surprisingly interested and even asked questions in all the right places.

But I realized soon it was about to become dark and concluded it was best to set camp. Snape looked confused, as if the idea of setting camp hadn't occurred to him. It was strange. Snape seemed like the kind of guy who liked to have everything planned out. He needed to be in control of everything. But this obviously took him by surprise.

"A tent?" he asked trying to keep the incredulousness out of his voice.

"Yes, we have a tent. Did I not tell you we have a tent?"

"No! I did not have the pleasure of being informed about that" he drawled again.

"It's not like you had another plan is it?"

"No" he admitted reluctantly. "I am not exactly prone to go on regular hiking trips with other people."

I frowned curiously. "What would you have done if we didn't have a tent?"

"Slept on the ground."

"That is well and good as long as it's not raining."

"There are spells to keep yourself dry without a tent."

"Yes, but most of those fade after a few hours" I said. To my surprise, Snape didn't seem to consider that a problem. I wondered suddenly if he had planned to sleep at all. How many hours had he slept tonight?

"A tent is better" I concluded.

"Yes" Snape agreed reluctantly.

"It's a good thing I brought one then" I said with a grin. "I performed the same widening charms on it as I did on the bag. Its not large, but there should be room for both of us" I informed, hoping Snape would accept the idea of sharing a tent with me. I truly hoped he wouldn't decide to sleep on the ground after all simply to avoid me.

We led the horse off the road and into the woods. My legs were so sore I could barely walk without wincing. I would probably be sore for days after this. Snape plumped down on a fallen log, waved his wand once and a cascade of firewood collected itself in a pile and put itself on fire. I put the horse somewhere safe, de-saddled her, cast some protective charms around her so she could rest safely and pulled out some of the hay I had shoved in the bag along with the rest of the horse equipment.

Because of her act this morning, I had decided on a very suitable name for her: Difficult.

I didn't know what her original name was, but I decided my new name for her was too good to ignore. Difficult munched happily on her food but I knew this was only enough for one night. We would have to find some other way to feed her later. When I finally finished with her, I turned and found that Snape had put up the tent with his wand, cast about as many protective spells around it as there was on the Hogwarts castle and pulled out some of the turkey from my magically enlarged bag. He offered some to me and I happily accepted.

Neighter of us said anything while I munched on my supper. But I felt like the silence wasn't cold, hostile or awkward anymore. Instead it was like something in the air had shifted. I was happy to sit in a silence that was now nearly comfortable and even (dare I suggest it?) companionable.

We both retired without much more discussion.

The tent was about as large as a tool shed. About eight square metres and high enough for me (by that I mean Snape) to stand straight without scraping my head against the canvas. Inside the tent I summoned some blankets and some pillows out of my bag and lay them out on the floor. Snape made sure they were as far away from eachother as possible.

By now Snape had become awkward. He was clearly not comfortable with sleeping in the same tent as me, but I was too tired to care. Where else would he sleep? So I accioed a pair of sticks, transfigured them into two toothbrushes and gave one of them to Snape. He excited the tent to brush his teeth and while I pulled off my tunic and my shoes. I could hear him put out the fire. But it took him another few minutes to re-enter the tent. By then I had laid myself down underneath one of the blankets on the side that I liked best. Laying on the ground with only a blanket as cushioning was more comfortable than I had expected, especially after last night on the wooden floor.

Snape came back in and sat down but he didn't do more to prepare for bed. Instead he watched me in the darkness in an incredibly creepy way.

"What is it?" I asked tiredly.

"It is obvious that we will share this tent for a while. So you are comfortable enough to share a tent with a deatheater?"

I tried to focus on his dark form "I know enough about you by now to trust you. We have shared enough emotions to give me a good impression of you. You are a good guy. You can't hide that from me anymore. Besides, I am the one with the dark mark right now, how do you feel about sharing a tent with a former deatheater?"

He didn't answer but I could see that he started to pull off his shoes and his kirtle and settled to bed. Apparently he had accepted my answer.

None of us said anything for a while until I said; "Severus, are you okay? About yesterday night?"

"I'm fine" he said dismissively then after a pause he said; "Are you?"

I thought about it for a while "I guess so."

He nodded and fell quiet.

"Well, if you want to talk about it . . ."

He snorted rudely "Do you want to talk about it?"

I fell silent, not trusting myself to talk.

"You do want to talk about it" he said with a worried tinge in his voice.

"I-" I couldn't continue.

"I am not one to . . . to talk about feelings . . ." he said awkwardly. "It would be more beneficial to you to talk to someone else." he said with finality. Probably hoping he could avoid it.

"You are all I have, Severus."

"Right now, yes! But we will eventually get back to our own time and . . ."

I was pretty sure he had heard my disappointed sigh.

He went completely silent for a while, obviously having an internal battle I wasn't part of. Then, instead of saying more, he stretched out his arm and brushed a few hairs out of my face.

It was a tiny gesture. Almost unnoticeable. Had he been anyone else, I might have been insulted at how small it was. But after sharing emotions with him for a few weeks, I knew how much it took for him to initiate touch like that.

I hadn't expected it to help so much. He was trying in the way he knew, to give me comfort. And in that moment, I knew I couldn't talk about it.

Knowing he was there would have to be enough.

So I closed my eyes and fell asleep.