Naomi
Glenn handed me a gun from the back of the truck. The look he gave me was kind of cold. He was still sizing me up, seeing if I was any different to the Alexandrians who saw these runs as a bit of fun. I hadn't shown any interest in supply runs before, I guess he was wondering why I'd opted into this one. Power cuts in Alexandria meant fuck all to me, so his suspicions were reasonable. But I had a few plans that demanded supplies, and to get them, I needed an in with the group who went on supply runs. That used to mean Aiden and Nicholas, two absolute bozos that I generally avoided, but now it meant Glenn.
"That's it there?" Tara asked, running her eye over the building in front of us.
"That's the warehouse," Aiden nodded. He pointed at the side door. "I think that door's the fastest way in and out."
"We should know all the exits first," Glenn said. "So there's a plan if things go south."
"Already got one," Nicholas said, with a smirk like Glenn was being dumb. "We go out front."
"And if the front door's swarming with Walkers?" I asked him. "What then, dumbass?"
"Noah heads up," Tara said, drawing his attention to a nearby Walker before Nicholas could say anything.
"Got it," Noah said, taking it out with a single shot.
"Glenn's right," Aiden said. "We should do a perimeter check. Know our exits just in case."
We split up, and took a walk around the outside of the building, taking out a few lone Walkers who were circling it. There were surprisingly few for such a big place. A chain-link fence blocked our way to the front door. Beyond it, in what had once been the car park in front of the store, was a whole horde of Walkers.
"Shit," Nicholas muttered.
"Ain't you glad we checked?" I said. He glowered at the group of the dead in front of us, then looked at me like he wished I was one of them but said nothing.
"Alright," Aiden said, trying to calm us down. "Now we know what's here, let's get in through the back, and leave through the back."
We gathered around the door behind Glenn. The sun was beating down so hard outside that it made it difficult to see into the dark of the warehouse. He put an arm out to stop Aiden from charging in there, looked back at us all with a finger to his lips. Then he banged the metal door with the end of his gun. We waited. Listened.
No Walkers came stumbling towards the sound.
That made me more nervous than if there had been loads. This door had been left slightly open, and the stockroom was massive. Why wasn't there at least one?
Glenn made some more noise, and we kept waiting in case they came out from right at the back of the warehouse. Still nothing. Glenn gave us all a nod, and we started slowly moving in.
It was dark and windowless. It took a while for my eyes to get used to the dark after the blaring sun from outside. Up high, way above us, was the kind of hanging fluorescent lights that give you a headache if you have to stand in them for too long. They were off now, of course, would probably never come back on again, but they made me think of the Walmart warehouse Daryl used to stock shelves in. I wished he was here. I always felt safest when he was near.
My torchlight swept rows of heavy boxes and chased away shadows big enough to hide Walkers. Still, there were none. And then we heard something rattle in the dark.
It was metal, not like the rattling breaths of the dead.
"Shh," Glenn said, and we came to a stop. Listened hard for wherever the noise was coming from. It didn't seem to be getting closer. But it was definitely accompanied by faint snarls. There were Walkers in here. Somewhere. Why weren't they trying to get to us? "They're stuck behind something."
"How do you know?" Aiden asked.
"I don't, but they aren't here," Glenn pointed out. "Alright, let's go."
We made our way cautiously towards the sound, all of our torches pointed ahead of us. Another chain-link fence portioned off a part of the warehouse. As we illuminated it, dead hands pushed against it, and unseeing eyes gleamed, drawn towards our lights.
"There could be more," Glenn said, his eyes moving to the dark shelves and the spaces below them, where anything could be crawling.
"Let's get to work," Aiden said.
"You're up," Tara shone her light on Eugene, who looked like he was about to shit himself. He nodded. His face as pale in the dark as those of the dead. We spread out to cover them as they moved through the shelves to get to whatever he needed to fix the generator. I stood with my back to them, sweeping the space in front of me for any signs of danger. Nearby, the cage kept rattling. I thought about how rusty it was, and wondered how long it was built to last, how much pressure it could withstand.
"Got it!" I heard Eugene say.
I barely had time to marvel at how easy this had been before I heard gunshots. I turned and saw the flash of gunfire between the shelves. Peering through, I saw Aiden backing away from a Walker dressed head to toe in protective army gear. It would be almost impossible to get a headshot while it had that helmet on. If I could sneak up behind it somehow and get the helmet off, maybe Aiden stood a chance.
I started to move, quietly as I could, to the other end of the warehouse.
"It's got armor, let it come closer," I heard Glenn say through the gap in the shelves he was standing behind.
"I got it," Aiden said, trying to sound calm. I heard him keep shooting.
I heard Glenn say, "Aiden, stop! Stop!"
I couldn't work out why, still moving towards the Walker, it was blocked from my view by the shelves in front of me. And then there was an explosion that I felt but didn't hear. I was thrown backward, slammed into one of the shelves, and then the ground. Things fell around me. I covered my head with my arms and squeezed my eyes tightly shut. A high-pitched ringing in my ears made me feel queasy. It felt like the room would never stop shaking. I could hear shelves toppling around me, boxes crashing to the floor.
And then silence as the ringing in my ears faded.
I took a breath. Dust and debris in the air around me made me choke. I sat up. Looked around.
"Everyone alright?" I called. I could hear Glenn calling for people too.
"Help!" I heard Eugene say. "Over here."
I got to my feet. My legs were shaking from the shock of it all. My torch had gone off. I shook it a few times, and it came back on. I saw Aiden. Impaled on something sharp. He wasn't moving. I looked away, searched for Eugene as the dust settled over the carnage.
He pointed to where Tara was lying, unconscious and trapped behind some fallen shelves. I tried to get a good look at her, but she was too far away.
"Is she breathing?" Glenn asked. The explosion had blown the cage open too, and now the Walkers who'd been trapped there had broken free. We'd need to get her out of here. Fast.
"I can't tell from here," Eugene said.
"They're getting closer," Nicholas warned as the snarling from the Walkers got louder.
"Get to that office," Glenn told Eugene. "I'll get Tara."
Eugene nodded and started running towards the warehouse office. I climbed over a fallen box to join Glenn. He looked at me, annoyed, like his order to Eugene had been meant for me too.
"I can help," I told him. "It looks like Tara's hit her head. We need to check that before we can move her."
"Alright," he said. We climbed over the rubble in front of her, slipping through the gap in one of the shelves. Its contents had now spilled out over Tara's body.
"You shift those," I told him, nodding to the boxes on her legs. "I'll see to this head wound."
It looked bad. There was blood soaking into her hair and spreading out on the ground. I moved her as gently as I could. Took her pulse, checked her breathing.
"Is she okay?" Glenn asked.
"She's alive," I said, taking off the hoodie I was wearing and tying it around her head in an effort to stop the bleeding. "But we need to get her to Pete as soon as possible."
"Alright," he said. "You ready to lift?"
"Yeah," I said. "If you can grab her feet, I'll make sure her head's okay."
He nodded and took hold of Tara's ankles as I slipped my arms under her shoulders, trying to keep her head as still as possible. We pulled her through the gap in the shelves and over the rubble. It was probably a small mercy that she was unconscious for it.
Noah opened the office door for us as we ran in and laid her out on the table. Glenn went back to block the door from any incoming Walkers as I readjusted the sweater I'd tied around her head.
"She's had serious head trauma," Eugene said, watching what I was doing. "She's losing blood fast."
"How do we stop it?" Noah asked.
"Med kit was in Aiden's pack," Nicholas said. "It got blown to hell."
"There's another one in the van," Glenn said.
"She's on her way out," Eugene said. "We need to-."
Before he could finish, he was interrupted by someone screaming for help. There was a split second where I thought someone else had broken into this damn warehouse, and then I realized with horror that it was Aiden.
"Oh, Jesus," Nicholas gasped. We all turned to look through the office window at Aiden was struggling to free himself from where he was impaled.
"He's alive?" Glenn said.
"I checked him," Nicholas said, visibly shaken. "I thought… I…"
"We've got to get him," Noah said.
"It's going to take all of us," Glenn said, with a desperate look towards Tara.
"We got that kind of time?" Noah asked.
"We pull Aiden off there, we could kill him," Nicholas said. I looked out of the window at Aiden. Nicholas wasn't wrong. The spikes of metal sticking through him could be the only things stopping the blood. If we pulled him off, he could bleed out in a matter of minutes. But if we left him there, he'd get eaten alive by the Walkers. I shuddered. I couldn't think of a worse way to go.
"So, you're saying we leave him?" Noah asked.
"Go," Eugene told us. "Save him. I know she would. I'll stay with her, I'll keep her safe, I assure you."
I was a risk. Eugene didn't do well under pressure. But there was a look in his eye that seemed to convince Glenn, at least.
"You still have that flare?" Glenn asked Nicholas.
"Yeah."
"You fire the flare over the shelves," Glenn said. "That'll draw some of them over. We're going to hit the rest hand-to-hand. You ready?"
We all gave him a nod. I raised my knife.
"One, two, three," Glenn bust the door open again. Nicholas fired a flare gun through the shelves and towards the back of the warehouse, away from Aiden. The Walkers by the door turned and started moving slowly towards the red light. When they were far enough away, we ran out.
Glenn and Nicholas reached Aiden first. Noah and I stood with our backs to them and eyes on the Walkers swarming around the dying light of the flare, shooting any that turned towards us. I could hear Aiden begging them for help, and Glenn calmly talking him through it, asking him not to scream. But he did. I don't think he could help it. I was surprised the pain wasn't enough to make him pass out. I glanced back at them.
"Flare's out," I told them. "We gotta move."
And then I saw Nicholas make a break for it, start running to the exit.
"Nicholas!" Glenn yelled after him.
I looked at Noah. "Can you hold them off?"
"I'll do what I can," he promised, shotgun raised. I ran to help Glenn.
"It's gonna be alright, Aiden," I told him. "Just stay quiet. On the count of three."
I could hear Noah firing shots in the background. Glenn looked at me. "One. Two. Three."
Aiden screamed out, his face twisted in pain, as we pulled him towards us. I watched more blood soaking through his clothes and knew he wouldn't last long even if we did manage to get him off. We needed something to cut through the spikes to free him until he could get real medical help. And the time to do it. Noah tapped each of us.
"We gotta go."
The sound of Walkers was loud behind us. A tsunami of them rushing forwards. Aiden looked at us, "No…, please… no."
Glenn and I looked at each other. There was no way out of this.
A dead hand touched my back, and I ran. Glenn just behind me. I could hear Aiden scream as the first one bit into him. I turned back as I ran and raised my pistol. I fired a single shot into Aiden's head and watched him go slack. It felt like the least I could do was make sure he didn't have to live through it.
Walkers close behind us, we burst out into the front of the shop. There were more of them in there too. I could see Nicholas's retreating back, and anger spurred me on.
"Hey! Slow down, you fucking coward!" I yelled. He reached the revolving door, tried to slip in without me, but I stopped it with my foot, and jumped into the compartment behind him. "What the hell was that? He was your friend, and he needed you-"
"Shut up!" he said. "You'll draw more of them."
I looked around. My anger had blinded me to the situation. Walkers from the front of the store were pressed up against the glass in front of us. The ones that had followed us out of the stock room were pressed up against the glass behind.
"Shit," I looked for Glenn and Noah, saw them trapped in the opposite compartment.
"Maybe we can shoot our way past them," Nicholas said. He looked at me, "How's that gun?"
I checked it. "I'm out of bullets. Used the last one on Aiden."
"You guys still have guns," he looked at Glenn and Noah. "We've gotta do something, man. We're gonna die in here."
"There has to be another way," Noah kept repeating, checking every damn glass wall around us. "There has to be another way."
In the distance, I heard the sound of an engine. And the godawful music that Nicholas and Aiden had made us listen to on the way over here. Eugene was yelling something. He'd made it out of the office and was using the van to draw Walkers away from us. I wanted to whoop and holler and cheer for him but stayed quiet as I knew that would defeat the purpose.
Now we just had to worry about the Walkers behind us. We couldn't turn the door anymore because releasing one compartment to the outside would leave the other one vulnerable to Walkers.
"I need you both to keep the door steady," Glenn called to us. "I'm gonna break the glass. When we get out, you push out. Alright?
"Alright," Nicholas said. I could see his hands shaking as we tried to keep our door steady. The Walkers on the other side tried hard to get to us. I heard Glenn bash the glass with the butt of Noah's rifle. It shook the whole frame of the revolving door. A dead hand almost slipped through to grab us.
"No! No! Stop!" Nicholas said, springing away from it and leaving me to hold it myself. I jammed the dead hand in the door, sliced it off at the wrist with my knife, and managed to keep the whole thing steady. "It's not safe! It's not going to break."
"It will," Noah said. "We can hold it."
"Trust me, alright…" Glenn said, his panicked eyes looked at me for help. I nodded, tried to swallow down my own fear. "Count of three. One. Two. Three."
I heard another thud as Glenn hit the glass again. And then I felt the door push against me, turning to let us out. I looked over my shoulder at where Nicholas was fighting against what I was doing, trying to push his way out.
"What the hell are you doing?" I asked him.
When he looked back at me, his eyes were wide, manic. "We can get out of here. Both of us. Help me."
"You are such a goddamn asshole," I said, I grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him away. He swung round, his fist hitting the side of my face so hard it knocked my head into the glass behind me.
"Let go!" he yelled.
I hit him back. He wasn't the kind of guy who was used to getting hit. It stunned him enough for me to get him on the ground. I pinned him there. Punched him in the face so hard I felt his teeth graze my knuckles.
"Naomi!" Glenn yelled. "The door!"
I reached up to steady it as Nicholas tried to pick himself up. I kicked him.
"Bitch!" he grabbed my foot and pulled. I forced myself to keep my hands on the door even as I fell. My body slammed into the ground, my chin smashed against the bottom of the door with such force it knocked my head back. I tried to kick Nicholas again. It was a small space, there wasn't anywhere to hide.
I heard a smash as Glenn broke through the glass. I climbed to my knees. Nicholas was already pushing to open the door again. I let go, let him open it enough to run to safety, and then got to my feet. My knees were bleeding from where I'd hit the ground, and I could feel a cut on my chin that was bleeding too. By the time I stood up, Nicholas was already running towards the van. Glenn and Noah were waiting for me on the other side.
"Come on," Glenn said urgently. "We have to move!"
I slipped through the gap in the door.
"Are you okay?" Noah asked. I nodded, and we ran for the van. Eugene slowed to let us all jump in and then sped away.
At a safe distance, he stopped, turned the music off.
"Great work, Eugene," I told him. I could practically feel the adrenaline that had built up in his system sweating back out of his pores. "How's Tara?"
"Still breathing," he said. "Can't confirm anything other than that."
She was lying in the back of the van. I climbed over the seat to get to her. "Pass me the medical kit?"
Glenn handed it over and then hopped out of the van to run around to the front and drive, while Eugene climbed into the back with the rest of us. I opened it up, took a look at what we had to hand. "You ain't squeamish, are you?" I asked.
"Unfortunately, I am," he replied. "But… maybe I could..."
"I can do it," Noah said, which was ideal because there was no way in hell I was asking Nicholas, who was sniveling in a corner by himself somewhere. "I was at a hospital for a while before we got here. What do you need?"
"I need you to hold her head still, soak up as much of the blood as you can with these," I passed him a bunch of cotton bandages. "I'm going to try and stitch up what I can. It won't be good, but it might buy us some time until we can get her to Pete. Glenn, I need you to drive as smooth as you can, okay?"
"Okay," Glenn yelled from the front seat. "I'll do my best."
There were a needle and thread in there. Not medical, but thrown in for emergency stitching. A last resort, which is what we were down to. I threaded it. The car bounced on the roads, and it took me a few attempts.
"Ready?" I looked up at Noah, he was propping up Tara's head on his lap. He nodded. I untied my hoodie from around her head. Noah and I cleaned up as much of the blood as we could to find the wound. When it was as clean as I could get it in the back of a moving, dirty old van, I stuck the needle through one side of the wound and stitched it closed. I covered it with a fresh bandage, and Noah helped me wrap her head in gauze to keep it in place. I looked up at them all. "It's the best I can do for now."
"Anything in there for me?" Nicholas asked. I looked at him, was glad to see his face was bloody and bruising. I threw him the kit.
"Look for yourself."
The journey back felt long, but I think it was just because we were all aware of what little time we had to get Tara to safety. When we got to the gates, I told Glenn to drive straight to Pete's medical station. Eugene and Noah carried Tara inside.
"I guess I should go tell Deanna," Glenn said, glumly, jumping down from the driver's seat. "About her son."
"I'll come with you," I offered.
"No, it's okay," he assured me. "You've helped enough. Let me deal with this."
"Alright," I said. "If you're sure."
"Thanks for your help today."
"Thanks for yours," I said. He gave me a small smile before we parted.
When I was finally alone, exhaustion hit me. My body ached. My grazed knees hurt to bend, and my chin felt stiff with dried blood. I draped my bloodied hoodie over one arm and noticed the dried mud and blood on my knuckles too.
I pushed open the door to my house and thought I heard Daryl's voice. It was enough to make me forget for a second what a crappy day I'd had. I stopped. Aaron laughed, and it was hard to tell if i I had heard Daryl, or if it had just been wishful thinking.
"Hello?" I called, heard the chatter from the living room die down. Three people called back to me. One of them was definitely Daryl.
"That you, Daryl?" I called, could feel a huge smile on my face even though it made the cut on my chin, and a bruise forming on my cheek hurt more.
"Yeah."
"Didn't expect you to be here."
"Aaron and I just got back..." he said. "I wasn't waiting like a creep or anything..."
"No, it's okay," I said, rounding the corner to stand in the doorway and greet them all properly. "I love that you're here."
He was sitting down on the sofa, a half-drunk mug of something in front of him. Sure didn't look like he'd just got here. Daryl smiled, but I immediately regretted saying it due to a barely-suppressed squeal from Eric. Then they saw the state I was in, and the smile disappeared from Daryl's face. He stood up.
"You're bleeding," he said, his eyes all wide and scared like the earth was crumbling away from him. I looked down at myself. It was quite a lot of blood.
"Most of it ain't mine," I assured him.
"You run into some trouble out there?" Aaron asked.
"Yeah," I said. I took a breath. I didn't know how to break it to them. "We lost Aiden."
"Shit," Eric sat up straight. "As in…"
"He's dead."
"Does Deanna know?" Aaron asked.
"Glenn's over there telling her now."
"What happened?"
I told them about the Walker with the grenade we hadn't seen until it was too late, and how it had let even more of them out of where they'd been trapped. I left out the part about Nicholas being a coward, now didn't feel like the time.
"Tara got hurt in the explosion," I said. "She's with Pete now. Most of this blood is hers."
I put my sweater down, mostly to reassure Daryl that it really wasn't my blood. He was still looking at me like I could break at any second.
"And the rest of it?" he asked.
"I told you," I said. "There were a lot of Walkers, we had to fight our way out."
"They fight you back?" Aaron said, not buying my story either. "That's quite a bruise you got there, and that cut on your chin…"
"I fell," I said, which wasn't strictly a lie. I just didn't mention that it was Nicholas pulling my leg out from under me that had caused me to fall. Daryl looked down at my hands. Saw the marks on my knuckles. I saw how quickly his worry dissolved into anger. This was exactly what I'd been trying to avoid.
"Who did this to you, Naomi?" he asked.
"Nobody."
"Bullshit."
"What do you mean?" Aaron asked.
"Her knuckles," Daryl said. He reached out and took my hands, gently straightening out my fingers. They ached, but he was surprisingly gentle. I studied his face as he looked down at them. His concern for me stirred a quiet pain in my chest. "She's been fighting. Who was it?"
"It's dealt with," I said. "Don't worry about it."
"Naomi…" Aaron said. "Did you guys run into other people out there?"
It was a little naïve of Aaron to assume I'd been fighting with someone outside of these walls.
"No," I said, glancing at him. Caught the look on his face. More than his usual worry. "Why? Did you guys spot someone?"
"No," Aaron said. "We found a... fire. Some people burned beyond recognition. And these… Walkers. Someone had carved the letter W into their foreheads."
"What the fuck?" I stared at him, hoping he was messing with me. But that wasn't really Aaron's style.
"Yeah," he said. "It was bad. You were both right, there are some bad people out there. And I don't like how close they are to this place."
I felt myself shudder.
"I don't want you going out there again," Daryl said.
"Excuse me?"
"Not until Aaron and I know who these creeps are."
"And why can't I help with that?" I said, snatching my hands back from him. "Why have I just got to sit on my ass and do nothing?"
He didn't have an answer for me, looked away in an attempt to hide the anger in his eyes.
"So," Aaron said, trying to steer us into safer waters. "It wasn't anyone like that you were fighting. Was it someone from here?"
I looked at him, gave him a nod I knew Daryl wouldn't see and then said, "It doesn't matter who it was. It's dealt with now."
Eric said, "Deanna should know-"
"I'm sure she already does," I said. I was willing to bet Nicholas had gone running to her with some bullshit before the van's engine had even turned off.
"Who was it?" Daryl asked again.
"Don't matter," I said.
"Yes, it does. Tell me."
"No."
"I'll find out anyway."
"Fine," I shrugged. "But not from me. You think I want to be the one that gets you booted out of here for fighting some asshole who don't matter?"
"He hurt you," Daryl said through gritted teeth. "It matters."
"Well, I think I hurt him more, so we're good. Drop it," I said. Looked him in the eye. "Please."
He looked at me like he wanted to argue more. I held his gaze. Watched him lose that fight with himself. "Fine."
"You want some coffee, Naomi?" Aaron asked. "Eric's just made a pot."
"No," I said. "I'm fine. I should get myself cleaned up, and then I'm going to head over to Deanna's. Need her to know this weren't Glenn's fault."
I headed off to the bathroom and took a good look at myself. A few bruises were forming on my face, and the cut on my chin looked shit before I cleaned it up. I got why Daryl had been so concerned. But I knew he'd beat Nicholas's ass into the ground if I told him what happened, and Deanna would see that as a reason to remove him from Alexandria.
Rick was already on a warning after he'd been caught fighting Pete. Add to that Aiden's death while he was on a run with Glenn, and I was willing to bet the whole group was on thin ice. Deanna and some of the others might see them as having been out in the new world for too long to live here and be civilized, rather than seeing the group for what they really were; Alexandria's only hope if things got bad here. I couldn't add Daryl fighting Nicholas to Deanna's growing list of reasons not to trust them.
I looked down at my hands under the running water. Saw the blood circling the drain. I heard the front door close as Daryl left and flexed my fingers, remembering how gentle he'd been when he'd held them. That look in his eyes. He was the only person in the world who looked at me like that, who made me feel like I was protected. I just wished that he knew he didn't have to look, so that he'd start looking put for himself too. I couldn't let his group be kicked out of here, I couldn't watch him walk away again and I certainly wouldn't let anyone take him from me. Even if the whole of Alexandria turned on them, they'd all have to get through me first.
Daryl
"They haven't left yet," Carol told me, setting a box of food down on the kitchen counter. "Shouldn't you be getting ready to go yourself?"
"Huh?" I said. I was already too tightly wound to tell whether or not she was trying to wind me up even more. I stood by the window. "How do you know? Glenn left ages ago."
"He's still getting weapons from the armory," she said. "Tobin saw him."
I had no idea who Tobin was, and I wasn't about to start caring now. "Just Glenn?"
"He didn't specify," she sighed. "Y'know, I'm sure Glenn would be happy for you to go along on runs too. If you wanted to."
"Nah."
I moved the curtains, checked to see if there was anyone outside Naomi's house, while Carol muttered something under her breath about how I could've been out there doing something more productive than pacing around the house all day. I knew it must be annoying, but there wasn't much I could do about it. Naomi had been going on more and more runs lately. And every day that she did, a tight feeling sat in my chest all day until I knew she was home safe. The only thing that made it slightly better for a second was checking the window. I hoped that going back out there with Aaron today and trying to recruit some people would make it easier. At least it would give me something to do that wasn't just sitting around worrying about all the things that could go wrong on a supply run.
"They're not due to leave for a little while," Carol said. "I'm sure most of them are still at home."
"Uh-huh," I said, letting the curtain fall back into position. "Well, I'm supposed to be heading out with Aaron soon, so I should probably go over there and check if he's ready."
"Sure," Carol said like she didn't really believe that was the reason I was going over there. "Tell Naomi I say hi."
I didn't say anything else, just shut the door and walked fast. I wondered if I'd bump into her on her way out to meet the others or if she was already gone.
It was Aaron who answered the door.
"Oh, hey! You're early," he said. "I'm almost ready to go. Why don't you come in for a sec?"
I nodded and stepped into the house. Naomi's boots were by the door, which made me think she was still here.
"Hey," I'd been thinking about her so intensely that her voice made me jump. I looked up at where she was sitting at the top of the stairs. The tightness in my chest relaxed properly for the first time since I'd woken up. I wished she'd listen to me about not going out there.
"You going on that run today?" I asked, although I already knew she was. Glenn had told me. But I still hoped she might've changed her mind, taken some time to think about what I'd said over the last few days.
"Yup," she said, giving me that look she gives me when she's trying to warn me against fighting her on something. I held back. It wasn't like I wanted to fight with her, I just thought she was wrong. The bruise on her face from that asshole Nicholas was a few days old now and starting to heal. It was less purple and more yellow around the edges. Nicholas was lucky that I had no idea who the fuck he was. Maybe if I asked Glenn, he'd point the bastard out.
"Wanna come up here a sec?" she said. I glanced at Aaron, who nodded.
"You've got time," he said. "I still need to pack some stuff into the car."
"These runs are so much better since Glenn's taken over," she said, standing up as I walked up the stairs to join her. "He's really taken charge, which is exactly what those idiots needed. He's smart. I like him."
Something sharp twisted in my gut.
"He's married to Maggie," I said without thinking.
"Yeah, I know," she shot me a puzzled look. "What's that got to do with anything?"
"Just letting you know. In case you meant you... y'know... liked him," I said.
She rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry, are we twelve years old again?"
We stood in her room. I noticed she'd somehow managed to fit even more books in there since I'd last been in. "Have you been going out there to get more books, or are these ones having babies?"
"Most of these are from Alexandria," she said, and I was glad she wasn't going out there and risking her life for some damn books. "But, I do want to show you my haul."
"Have you been… keeping stuff from these runs?"
I knew Alexandria's policy was that everything was to be inventoried and shared. It wasn't like her not to share things, and she didn't look even a little bit guilty about it. I wondered if this was something Glenn new about, or if she'd been sneaky. The thought of ratting her out made me feel sick, so I only entertained it for a second, resigning myself to being banished from Alexandria with her if she was discovered, and that's what it came to.
"Yeah," she said. And then she caught the look on my face. "It ain't much. And if it gets to the point that people need it, I'll give it right back."
"Okay," I said. She pulled a tin of something out of her bag. I squinted at it. "Is that mac and cheese in a can?"
"Yeah," she grinned and waved it under my nose.
"Fancy sharing?" I asked.
"No," she said. She didn't say it like she was joking, and it really threw me. I couldn't think of a single other time she'd not shared food with me. Then she said, "It ain't for me. It's for Mia."
There was a long second where I thought she'd lost it, that grief had finally driven her mad. Then I worried she'd found Mia dead on that run and become one of those people who couldn't let the dead go. I didn't know what to do, or how to tell her that Walkers didn't eat tinned mac and cheese. She caught my panic, rolled her eyes.
"For when she comes back," she clarified. "I've been picking up some things. Things she might like. Favorites of hers... if I can find them. I'm keeping them here to give her when she gets back."
Of course. Naomi had always been a magpie for shit that she thought other people would like. She knelt down and pulled a box out from under her bed. It rattled. There were a few books in there. Some food. Something knitted. And on top of it all, that picture of the three of us. The tiny, little, baby Mia I'd known and underneath it all of her favorite things I had no idea about. I picked it up.
"So she likes mac and cheese, huh?"
"Yeah," Naomi said. "It was her favorite food in DC. I'm sure she'd prefer it if it weren't canned, but I'll take what I can get."
The Mia in the photograph would've been too young to ask for mac and cheese. I could remember holding her when she was that young. When she'd felt too small to be real, and I'd spent the whole time worrying that she'd break. When she'd grown enough to recognize me when I came into the room and demand that I pick her up even though she was getting heavier and it hurt my arms. For all Naomi said about her remembering me, I wondered if she'd recognize me now. Or if I'd recognize her. I used to know the baby food she liked best, the right face to pull that would make her laugh even if she'd just been screaming the place down. I'd have no idea how to make her laugh, or how to look after her now.
Naomi looked at me, and I knew at once she got what I was feeling. Always did. Like I was one of her damn books. While I could slip under the radar of most other folks by shutting my mouth, it was so much harder to hide my thoughts from her. She set the box down on her bed and sat down next to it.
"This was her favorite book when she was little," she said, holding up a battered copy of some book about a cat tricking six different families into giving it six different dinners. "She's way too old for it now, but I found it in Alexandria and thought she might get a kick out of seeing it again."
"It any good?" I asked.
"She made me read it to her so many times before she'd go to sleep. I honestly don't know if it's good anymore," she said. "I got so sick of the damn thing."
I thought of them both, tucked up and reading someplace far away from wherever I'd been at the time. I wished I'd been there. I should have been there. If I hadn't been busing being such a goddamn asshole, maybe I would've been. So much wasted time.
"I saw these gloves," she said, picking up and smoothing them out across her knees. "She had a hole in her last ones, and I think they got left behind at... I think she lost them. Plus, she likes this kind of yellow."
"What's this one?" I asked, picking up a book with no title.
"Ah," she said. "This is my best find yet."
I opened the cover and flicked through.
"It's blank."
"Yeah," she said. "It's for her to draw in."
"She like that?"
"Yeah," I said. "She's good at it, too."
"Huh," I said, and felt a weird sense of pride at thinking about that little girl growing up to have talents and hobbies. "Ain't that something."
"Sure is," Naomi said. Then she looked away from me, down at her feet.
"You okay?" I asked. She nodded, but this had taken an emotional toll on her. I thought about Carol's warning, the way she'd unraveled when we'd found Sophia in that barn. I didn't want that to happen to Naomi. "Sorry, I didn't mean to..."
"No, it's fine," she said, and she managed a smile. "It's nice. Talking about her. Makes her feel less... gone."
I nodded.
She packed the box away again. Aaron called for me from downstairs.
"I should go," I said, standing up. She nodded.
"Good luck out there," she said. "Hope you find someone."
"Thanks," I said. "Good luck on your run."
I headed down the stairs to meet Aaron, put my crossbow, and a few other weapons in the back of his car, and got on my bike. I rode up to the gates, Aaron following in the car behind. It was good to be free of the walls of Alexandria, but I couldn't stop thinking about Naomi back there with her little Mia-box. Was she losing it? Was Carol right? Was I letting her hope too much that Mia was still alive?
I don't know if I did it consciously or not, but I wound up riding to the spot where Naomi thought she saw that guy on a horse. I stopped there. Heard Aaron's car stop behind me.
I got off my bike and opened the passenger door to get my crossbow out, but something made me stop. That tight feeling in my chest that wouldn't go away pushed me down in the passenger seat. It was what had brought me here, to this spot. Because I thought if I checked it out for her, she might stay in Alexandria. Where she was safe. Aaron hesitated, his hand on the car door handle, clearly not sure why I'd taken a moment to sit down.
"How do you do it, man?" I asked him.
"Do what?"
"You and Eric... how does that work?"
"I... eh..." he looked alarmed. "You're going to have to be more specific, Daryl. What are you asking me?"
"You don't want him out here because he'll be in danger, right?"
"Right."
"But you can't keep him safe all the time."
"I know."
"So how do you do it? How do you... deal with that?"
Aaron thought for a moment.
"I'm lucky," he said. "Eric likes being in Alexandria. He's never been the most outdoorsy guy. Most days, I don't have to think about it."
"Right," I said. This hadn't been as helpful as I'd hoped. I wished I had some Walkers to fight just to channel that horrible feeling in my chest into something useful.
"I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't like that," Aaron said, after a pause. He talked a lot. But at least, unlike most people, he took the time to think about what he was saying. It wasn't just mindless crap. "Y'know... if he was more... Going on runs all the time. Or disappearing outside of the walls by himself. I'm sure I'd find that hard."
I nodded.
"And I'm sure if the day ever came that we had to be out here," he said, after another pause. "If Alexandria fell… I might be wishing I hadn't sheltered him so much. I might be wishing he'd been one of those people going out on runs, and surviving by themselves."
"Yeah," I said. "I guess."
It was a good point. At least I knew, if anything ever happened that separated us again, she knew how to take out a few Walkers and how to get her own supplies. There was another long silence.
"She's tough," Aaron said. "She'll be okay."
"What?" I tried to play dumb, but he'd caught me out, and we both knew it.
"Naomi," he said gently. "She was out there for weeks on her own before I found her. I followed her for a while, to see if she was someone I should bring back here. She knew."
"Knew what?"
"That she was being followed," he said. "She knows the difference between the living and the dead just by listening. She's like you."
"Huh," I said, not sure I trusted his opinion on it.
"You disagree?"
"She's better than me," I said.
"Funny. She'd say the same about you," Aaron smiled. I didn't know what to say to that. So I didn't say anything. Just stared at the road ahead of us. I knew she could handle herself. I just hated the thought of it. Aaron let me sit in silence for a while, then he said, "Did she tell you about when I found her?"
"No."
"So I'd been watching her for a while, and one day when I was following her, she suddenly picks up the pace," he said. "Running. Much faster than I thought she'd be able to given that she hadn't eaten anything but half a dead squirrel the whole time I'd been watching her."
"Why only half?"
"She gave the other half to a stray cat."
"Idiot," I said, but my heart almost burst. If there was a stray of any kind around to give half her food to, she always did.
"Anyway, she disappeared," he said. "I was right behind her, and then she was gone. So I kept going, trying to catch up with her, and the next thing I know, the ground I'm standing on just… isn't there anymore. And I'm in this pit. Naomi's standing over me with a gun pointed at my head, asking why the hell I've been following her."
I smiled. "Don't feel bad about that, man. Her traps are something else."
"Thanks," he smiled. "But my point is… Naomi? She knows what she's doing out here. And I get that it's hard. But you gotta trust her."
"I do…" I sighed. "I just…"
I hate it.
"I know," he said, and I think he meant it. "You know… Eric and I were friends for a while... before we dated."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah," he said. "He always skips that part of the story when he tells it. But it took us a while to go from coffee-colleagues to friends to… real dates."
"Didn't that make things… I dunno… weird?"
"A little. At first," he admitted. "It's not the same as going on a date with someone you don't really know. You both know what you're jumping into, but… I think the weirdest part was just before. When I didn't know how he felt. Or how I felt half the time. I was so worried about losing that friendship."
"How'd you get past that?" I asked.
"When I realized that everything I felt for him wasn't going away, I just… plucked up the courage and asked him to dinner," he said. "Once we actually started dating, it was the least weird thing in the world."
"Really?"
"Yeah. It just felt… right. Like it's what we should have been doing the whole time," he said. "On the first date, I knew he was right for me. I just... didn't tell him until the fifth because I didn't want to come off as too intense."
I nodded. I understood that problem all too well.
"So why'd we stop here?" Aaron asked, looking around.
"Somebody came through here a while ago," I told him, I opened up the car door again and stepped out. "Naomi said she saw a guy on a horse, and I weren't sure if it was true or if she were just…"
I stopped. Didn't want to accuse her of imagining things in her desperation to find anything that would lead to Mia.
"You think it was true?"
"Yeah."
"If we see them, we hang back," he said. "Set up the mike. Watch and listen. I need to know you agree to this because Naomi wasn't great at it."
"Fine. For how long?"
"Until we know. We have to know."
We walked for a while, in the general direction that she said she'd seen that guy in. It had been a few days now, and any horse's tracks were gone, but someone had been through here. Recently too.
I tracked them to a clearing. Spotted something red in the distance. Aaron peered through some binoculars at it. "It's a guy," he said. "You did it, Daryl."
He passed me the binoculars, and I took a look for myself. Sure enough, there was a man in a red poncho rubbing his face in the middle of the clearing. I felt weirdly proud. This was the first time we'd found someone out here, and it was my tracking that got us here. I wondered what Naomi would say about it when we told her or if we'd get to introduce her to the guy.
"What's he doing?" Aaron asked.
"Wild leeks," I told him. "Son of a bitch knows about how to keep mosquitos off of him. Come on."
The guy had started moving off. We followed him as best we could, but we had to keep our distance, and that meant moving slow. Son of a bitch was fast. We lost him. We kept searching the forest for a while, but eventually, we went back to our vehicles. Aaron got in the car, I got on my bike, and we drove around looking for him. No sign of him anywhere. After a while, Aaron honked the car horn and got me to pull over.
I got off the bike and walked towards him. We'd stopped outside a big warehouse. Ads for different kinds of food on the side. I saw the temptation in Aaron's eyes.
"We should find that guy," I reminded him.
"We checked the forest, we checked the roads," Aaron said. "We can't find him. Sometimes they slip away. It happens. But… you don't come across something like this every day."
"We do this now, it means we're giving up," I said. We'd definitely lose the guy in the poncho if we wasted time on this.
"Home is 50 miles back," Aaron said, and I found it weird he called it 'Home' and not 'Alexandria.' "It'll be dark soon. It's almost time to go. There's bad people out here."
"That's why we ought to keep looking for the good ones," I said.
"We need more people, and we'll find them," Aaron said. "But when we do, we'll need to feed them."
I kind of knew there wasn't any arguing with him on this. People in Alexandria were used to their fancy canned shit and dried pasta. But even I had to admit it wouldn't hurt to have more supplies for winter came around, and it was harder to hunt.
"Alright," I said. Tapped the metal fence with my knife to bring forward the Walkers who were wandering in the front yard. There weren't too many, and we managed to get them all through the gaps in the fence. When they'd been taken out, we got the gate open and walked toward where a line of food transit vans were parked up.
"Hey, listen," Aaron said. "I don't like giving up either, but the guy is in a red poncho. You can see him from a mile away. We've gone a lot of miles here, no sign of him. But… if we come away with a trailer full of cans, I'd say that's a good trip."
It was a good point. I nodded.
"Here we go," I said, and bent down to open one.
I knew from the smell that something wasn't right. It was more than just off food. It was corpses. All of them still moving and coming for us, the second the door slid open. I sprang back. Whatever we'd just done had opened the doors of all the other trucks too. More Walkers spilled out of them.
We took out as many as we could, fighting our way under one of the food trucks. It's a bit harder for them to get you down there. A Walker crawled towards us, a W carved into her forehead. Was this a trap by the same assholes who'd burned all of those people? Before I could point it out to Aaron, he'd yelled for me to follow him out from under the truck.
There was a car parked not too far away. We ran to it, managed to get in before Walkers swarmed around us. Unsurprisingly, it wouldn't start.
"Glass will hold for a while, right?" Aaron said
"Maybe," I said. "Maybe we can make it so they can't see us. In a couple of hours, something'll come by, and they'll follow it out. There's got to be something in here we can use to block the view. We could cut up the seats?"
I got my knife out and was about to get to work, but then I looked back at Aaron and saw he was holding up a piece of paper with a hastily scrawled note. It said: 'Bad people coming, don't stay.'
This was definitely a trap.
Walkers pressed themselves against the windows. The car shook. I thought about opening the window and taking them out one by one, but opening it even a crack would weaken it. And there were so many of them out there, it could definitely break under that pressure before I'd killed enough to make a difference.
"Came out here to not feel all closed up back there Even now… this still feels more like me than back in them houses," I said, looking at the Walkers outside the car. Pressed up against the window. I still felt freer here than in the damn house. "That's pretty messed up, huh?"
"You were trying," Aaron said.
"I had to."
"No, you didn't," Aaron said. "But I'm sure your group appreciates it."
"Maybe," I shrugged.
"Well, I know Naomi does."
I was trying not to think about her, now that there was a chance we wouldn't get out of this car.
"She said she'd leave with me," I said. He looked at me. "If I weren't happy in Alexandria."
"Well," Aaron said after a pause. "We'd miss you both."
"Dunno if she meant it," I said.
"Why wouldn't she?"
"She deserves them houses," I said. "And she knows how to be around those kinda people. I..."
"Just because you think she deserves those houses doesn't mean she wants them," Aaron said.
"What?"
"She's pretty messed up too, man," Aaron said.
"No, she ain't." I was angry he'd even suggest it.
"She has these… nightmares," Aaron said. "She doesn't know it, but we hear her at night sometimes. It's like… everything she's been through, she's reliving it again. And she used to go out every day looking for Mia. Sometimes with me, sometimes on her own. She'd be reckless about it too like she didn't care if she lived or not."
That tightness was back again. I tried to settle my breathing.
"What?"
"And then she found you again," he said. "And something changed… I know you worry about her on all these runs she's doing, but she's with a group, there's a point to them, she's being a lot safer than she was."
"I want her to be safe," I said. "Alexandria's safe."
"All I know is, she didn't start treating Alexandria like a home until you got here," he said. "So I don't doubt she'd leave if you wanted to. But, for the sake of the town, I hope neither of you do."
I looked at him. I appreciated him saying all of that, I really did. Appreciated him taking in Naomi, too. He was a good guy. Alexandria needed him. Eric needed him. And here I was, moping around, pining after someone who didn't even know I loved them.
He had Eric to go home to. What did I have? Naomi felt like mine. But she wasn't.
"I'll go," I told him. "I'll lead them out, you make a break for the fence."
"No, no, no. This was my fault."
"It wasn't a question," I said. "And this ain't your decision. It ain't nobody's fault. Just…"
"No," he said. "We fight. We go for the fence, we do it together. Alright? Whether we make it or not, we do it together. We have to. I'm not going back there and telling Naomi I left without you. Not sure I'd survive that experience. Okay?"
I thought about him telling her I was dead. How she might take it. The ways she might fall apart. Maybe part of protecting her included surviving. I nodded. He put his hand on the door. I did the same.
"Alright, you ready? We'll go on three. One, two…"
Before he could get to three, there was a loud squelch. Walker blood hit the window. I wondered what the hell had caused it. Didn't seem like a gun. A bullet would have broken the glass. More of them started to fall.
I wondered if this was part of the trap. If this was the 'bad people' who were coming.
Either way, this was our only chance to get out.
Aaron and I opened the doors. I had my knife ready, managed to clear myself a path out. When I looked over, Aaron was out too. A guy I'd never seen before, wielding a long wooden pole, was smashing in Walker heads around the car. The three of us fought our way back to the gate and managed to get it closed.
"That was," Aaron said, catching his breath. "That… thank you. I'm Aaron, this is Daryl."
"Morgan," the guy said, as he and Aaron shook hands.
Aaron took Morgan back in his car. No need to follow him around or spy on him, he'd clearly shown he was one of the good folks.
Alexandria was weirdly empty when we arrived. We drove almost all the way back to Aaron's house without seeing anyone except the people on the gates. I pulled up, and Aaron got out of his car.
"Is that someone on our porch?" Aaron squinted at a shape in the gloom. I looked too, saw someone sitting down, knees pulled up to her chin, and a book in her hands.
"Naomi," I said immediately. "She's reading."
"I hate interrupting that," Aaron said. "She gives me this look like...like…"
"Like you've just set her whole family on fire?" I finished for him. "Yeah, she does that to everyone. Doubt she knows she's doing it."
"Well, good to know it's not personal," he said. "I'm going to take Morgan to Deanna's. You coming?"
"Nah," I said, my eyes still on her. "Think I'll stay here for a bit."
"Okay," he gave me a little smile and a pat on the back that felt like 'good luck.'
I walked up to her porch, thought about how to get her attention. I used to do it by just chucking something at her. But ever since that bottle had smashed and cut her, I'd vowed never to throw anything in the same room as her. Not even something soft. Just in case.
"Hey, nerd!" I yelled. Her head moved slightly, like someone else's might if they'd just felt a fly buzz past. "Oi! Naomi!"
I probably yelled it loud enough for the whole of Alexandria to hear, but it did the trick. Got her out of that place she disappears to when she's reading. It's like she's getting physically pulled out of it. Every ounce of her resists. She tilts her head up first, like that might trick the person who's interrupting her into thinking she's listening. I know from experience that ain't true. You have to wait until she actually looks at you. And then it's a glare. Like you've done something terrible. And then she blinks, and she's back in the present.
"Oh, hey!" she smiled. "You're back early."
"Not really," I said. "It's dark."
"So it is," she looked around, surprised by how dark it was. Then, she looked back at me. "You staying, or…?"
When she has this little smile and a light in her eyes that heats up my soul, it's impossible to say no to her. Didn't want her knowing that, though. That kinda power would go straight to her head. So I shrugged and said, "Can stay for a bit. I guess."
I sat down next to her on the bench. Alexandria was so quiet. Peaceful. In that moment I almost didn't hate it.
"What are you doing out here?" I asked her.
"There was a town meeting," she said. "But I got kicked out."
"What was it about?"
"Rick."
Whatever I'd been expecting, it hadn't been that. "Rick?"
"Yeah," she said. "You know that fight he had with Pete?"
"The hell is Pete?" I asked.
"The doctor," she said. "He's the one I took Perla to see when you guys got here."
"Right," I shrugged. She could've pulled any old person off the street, told me it was Pete, and I'd have believed her. Same for Carol and whoever the fuck Tobin was. People were making connections pretty damn fast around here, and I didn't know why. I had my family. Didn't need anyone else. Except maybe Mia. If she was still out there.
"Well, he's an asshole," she said. "Point is, Rick found out that he's been beating his wife and kids. And they got into this big fight. Rick nearly killed him."
"Good," I said. "Asshole like that deserves to die."
"I know," she said. "But folks here, they don't… respond well to that kind of justice."
"Why?"
"Well, killing someone like that… in cold blood… it's not something they're used to," she said. "They're used to arrests and trails and judges."
"Do they know that sort of shit doesn't exist anymore?"
"Not really," she sighed. "And I don't think they realize how little it protected anyone when it did exist. But, that doesn't matter, the point is I don't think they'd be happy with their Sheriff murdering someone."
"It ain't murder," I said. "Not if the guy deserves it."
"I think it technically is still murder," she said. "And, unless Jesse's the one who kills him, it sure ain't in self-defense."
"So, you think we should just let it be?" I said.
"No! But there's got to be something between doing nothing and killing him."
I shook my head. "Men like him deserve it."
She sighed. "I just thought we could banish him or something. It's as good as killing someone these days, but it gives him a fighting chance."
"That what you said to Deanna?"
"I tried," she said. "Before she made me leave."
"Why'd she do that?"
"Called her some names I probably shouldn't have," she said. "Thought she was being unfair about Rick."
"You like him, huh?" I said. Felt that twist in my gut again. It was hard to make it go away, all of those sharp edges let it really burrow deep.
"He's a good guy," she said. "I've never met a cop who… did something, y'know?"
She looked at me. I nodded. All of the cops we'd met growing up, even the ones who'd been called out by concerned neighbors, hadn't done shit to help either of us.
"Mostly," she said. "I just like having your group here. I don't want them to make you all leave."
She looked really sad at the thought of it.
"Thought you were okay with leaving?"
"I am," she said. "If you want to go. But you got a whole group that might not want me tagging along."
"They wouldn't mind," I said. Who the hell would object? I thought about what Aaron had said, about her being messed up too. "You ain't gotta try so hard to keep me around. If you want to go, Naomi. I'd go too. You ain't gotta wait for me to say it."
"Thanks, Daryl."
In the silence, she gave me a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.
"So, how was the run today?" I asked her.
"Okay," she said. "Got some stuff for the town, but nothing for Mia."
Looking into her sad eyes, I knew that if grief was driving her mad, I would let it. If she needed to turn over every stone on this earth in search of her sister, I would be there right behind her, double-checking them all. And if she decided to stop, or if she unraveled like Carol, I would be there to put the pieces back together. These feelings weren't going anywhere. Neither was I.
Just ask her.
"Naomi?"
"Yeah?"
I looked at her, not ready for her to already be looking at me. My heart nearly spun right out of my chest. "What you reading?"
I tried to listen while she talked, but I couldn't focus. I'd asked something I knew would buy me some time while I thought about what to say, how to tell her. Who knew how long these feelings had been here? How deep they ran? How strong? Building quietly with every second we spent together, and I still couldn't fucking say anything.
I'd never been great with words, that was more her thing.
Maybe I should just do something.
I watched her smile, the way her lips moved when she talked. All excited and at a million miles an hour. The way the light out here softened her whole face. Even with her healing cuts and bruises, looking at her still made it hard to breathe.
Years of unspoken feelings filled my lungs.
My heart was beating like it was trying to rip itself from my chest and get to hers. My fingers flexed as I fought the urge to reach out and pull her body closer to mine in more than just a damn hug. I'd always known I wanted her back in my life, but now it was crystal fucking clear I wanted her. All of her.
That light in her eyes when she looked up at me made me feel like I could do anything.
Shit, she's looking at me.
And she's stopped talking.
My beating heart dropped all the way to my stomach.
"Daryl?" I'd meant to look away, but I caught the shape of her lips when she said it. My name in her mouth. That smile. Something rose inside me like a heat. I clenched my fists, forced myself to swallow it all back. "You alright?"
This had been a huge mistake. I looked away from her.
"Yeah," I said, unclenching my clammy hands and wiping them on my pants. "Why?"
"I dunno... You're just looking at me like..." she trailed off. I looked back at her, with the most neutral expression I could manage, terrified her weird ability to read my face would kick in. If there was anyone in the world who'd be able to tell what I'd just been thinking, it was, unfortunately, her. She frowned and shook her head like she was clearing out an impossible thought. I could feel my heart racing. "I dunno. You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, trying to sound casual and like she hadn't just caught me thinking about kissing her. It was so difficult to put everything I'd just dragged up back in its damn box.
"Okay, good," she said, but she said it like she didn't really believe me. Her hand moved over the battered cover of her book, trying to smooth out a crease in the top right corner.
I saw it again.
That scar on her hand.
She caught me looking at it. Turned her hand, so it was palm-up, but it was too late.
"Daryl…" she said softly. I looked away from her.
What made me any better than Pete?
The thought of hurting Naomi made me physically sick. But I'd still done it. Nobody could ignite the feelings in me that she could. The pull to be near her, the ache when we were apart. Everything I felt for Naomi, it ran right through to my core. Everything I was. Everything I wanted. It all led back to her.
The twist of jealousy I felt when other people got close to her. The way I lashed out at her when I got scared. I'd felt it all before. And when I'd lost control, she'd wound up with that scar.
Anger was the twin-flame of the heat that rose in me around Naomi. Never far away. Never quiet. Bright enough to light up the darkest parts of my soul. The ugly parts. Parts I wished weren't there. Uncontrollable. Unlovable.
I didn't know any other way. Love and violence had never not come wrapped around one another in my life. Until her. And I wasn't sure I knew how to untangle them.
Dixon men loved in anger and fists and blood. I couldn't risk loving Naomi like that.
