When we are in bed, in total silence (after the lovemaking we haven't spoken), when we are there, in the dark, he calls my name.
'Yes, Harry?'
He doesn't speak for a moment and then says 'I don't want any more children'
I understand his meaning, we didn't use any protection and probably only now he realised it, but in denial he doesn't want to acknowledge what we are doing.
'Don't worry. I'm taking care of it'
And I'm actually doing it. I don't want any other children either. It would be a calamity if I would get pregnant from one of these encounters. His features are so different from either mine or Ron's and so distinguishable in itself. If a child conceived now would just get his eyes or his hair, it would be a disaster. When you look at his children you can clearly see they are his. Even Albus who looks very much like Ginny and is the least who reassembles him, has those eyes that marks him clearly as his son. No, no, no. I must be extremely careful.
He doesn't say anything, but he is not tranquil. Distress is palpable.
He doesn't embrace me like usual, he turns from me.
Now I really feel rejected.
I wake up with a start, Harry is howling so loud my heart beats passes from 60 to 2000 per minute in a flash. All his muscles are contracted, and he lets out barely human screams. What the heck is going on? I shout his name, but he doesn't hear me. His eyes are closed. I realise in a split second that it cannot be anything else but a nightmare. He told me about his nightmares before, but I never imagined they could be so violent!
I yank him with all my strength, shouting his name until, with a gasp, he widens his eyes and sat bolt upright panting heavily, covered in sweat.
'Siry!' he gushes in alarm.
'What?! What about her?'
He turns to me as though only at that moment realising I'm there, and for a moment he seems not to recognise me, but then he springs out of bed and darts out of the room, I hear his steps on the stairs.
I'm still trying to pull myself together and bring back my heart to its normal behaviour, when he is back frantic. 'She is not there!' he yells 'Her bed is empty!'
'Harry, calm down. Her bed is empty because she is at the Burrow' I say while getting out of bed.
I see comprehension dawning on him, but it doesn't seem to calm him down; he is heaving heavily and has got a terrified look. 'We need to check' he gushes.
I grab hold of him before he can disappear in the kitchen.
'It's the middle of the night! You cannot call at the Burrow at this hour!'
He shrugs me off 'I need to check! I need to make sure she is fine' and he disappears.
I follow, my mind reeling and my heart still pumping fast. The room is in full darkness but for the ghastly projections of the green flames on the walls. Harry has already got his head inside. I kneel besides, and I stick mine in also.
The kitchen at the Burrow is as dark as ours. I'm not convinced this is a good idea. We will only scare them out of their wits calling at this hour.
Harry must have already shouted for them because I see Arthur in his striped pyjamas ambling over us with a candle in his hand.
'Harry, Hermione! What's going on? Is it everything fine?' he asks in alarm crouching in front of the fire.
His question is not over yet that Harry's tumble up 'How's Sunrise?'
'Actually, we were awake just because of her. She had a frightful nightmare and Molly is there trying to calm her down.'
'She is fine then?!' Harry presses on.
'Yes, yes. She is fine. But how are you? Why this call in the middle of the night? Something wrong? It's so long we don't hear from you, my boy!' he says concerned.
'I know, I'm sorry. Everything is fine. I just wanted to make sure she is ok'
'Do you want to pop here? She is going to be mighty please! She asks for you very often'
'No, no. I don't want her to see me. She is just going to get more upset. She'll be fine. Thank you, Arthur, for taking care of her. I know it's not easy and I'm very grateful. Now I must go, I've already troubled you enough'
Without giving Arthur the time to answer, his head disappears. Me and Arthur stare at each other gloomily for a second.
'How is he?' he asks in the end.
'Not well. How is she?'
'Up and down. The nightmare she had tonight really scared us. She was screaming and crying. She asked for Harry repeatedly. I think Molly is still trying to soothe her…' while saying that, Molly, her red hair streaked with white tied in a ponytail wearing a long night shirt, enters the kitchen with a teary Sunrise in her arms.
'What is it? Everything fine?' she asks in apprehension as soon as she spots me.
'Yes, yes everything fine' I reassure her and, using a sweeter tone, I address Sunrise 'Hello, sweetheart. How are you?'
She rubs her eyes red by the crying 'I wanna see daddy' she murmurs morose, puckering her doll lips.
'I know, sweetie. He cannot come right now. He is good though. You will see him soon' I hope.
'He is not good. He is in an ugly place. He is scared, he is screaming'
I feel goosebumps all over my arms.
'No, sweetie. He is fine. I'm with him, he is fine, now I'll go and check on him. You'll be a good girl, will you?'
She nods still with tearful eyes. I give a hasty parting to Molly and Arthur; I want to make sure he is really fine on the other side.
