Chapter 8

Gross gross gross gross GROSS!

Beast Boy swallowed the bile that was rising to his throat as he attempted to block out the stench of acid. In all his years of being a hero, being puked on was an unfortunate first. It was a little odd; he had had all kinds of nasty things thrown at him over the years: lava, rocks, garbage- yet nothing so personal, so essentially human as the vomit that was now covering his chest.

Was it weird that he had a tiny sense of pride that it was Raven who he had experienced this first with? Definitely. Was it even weirder he was touched that it was him that she chose to excrete her insides upon? Ummm yeah. It was weird, but he didn't care. Raven needed him, and he was there for her.

It didn't stop it from being gross, though.

"Oh, Azar! Beast Boy, oh my goodness! I'm so so sorry, Beast Boy! I'm so sorry!" Raven was babbling as she clung tight to his shoulders. "Ever since I've become pregnant, the smell of meat has made me nauseous."

"It's okay!" Beast Boy said, attempting to smile but gagging slightly from the smell. "It's not your fault." He stared daggers at Cyborg, who looked shocked that meat could do anything but satisfy hunger.

"I do not understand. Is this not normal for human pregnancies?" Starfire asked as she handed him a towel. Beast Boy gave Raven's arms a comforting squeeze before letting her go and accepting it.

"Human pregnancies vary from person to person, Star," Cyborg said as if reading it from a textbook. Which, behind that electronic eye of his, he might have been. "Hormonal changes can cause different symptoms for every person and every pregnancy. A heightened sense of smell is a common one."

Raven nodded and murmured, "We joke that the baby's a vegetarian."

Cyborg gave off a huff of disgust, "As if one in the tower isn't enough!"

"I'm vegan, dude! There is a difference!" Beast Boy chastised, knowing full well that Cyborg knew the difference between the diets. He shook his head and dramatically nodded towards Robin, "Rob, open a window or something. The smell of cooked flesh is getting to me, too." He made another scowl towards Cyborg, who shrugged his shoulders.

"Whatever. Ya'll can have your tofu. I'm not letting this bad boy go to waste!" Cyborg sat down heavily with a fork and knife and started chomping down on his second meaty breakfast of the morning.

"I did not know that children decided on their culinary preferences at such a young age," Starfire said as she handed Raven a glass of water.

Raven accepted the glass with a grateful nod. "They don't, Star. But we say it because…. Well…" she gripped the glass a little tighter as she hesitated. "Because my husband does not eat meat as well," she said, colour sweeping across her pale cheeks.

The room went silent again as they all stared at the empath. The blatant confession about the future made Beast Boy stop wiping vomit from his uniform, but it took him a moment to register just what she had said. Once the pennies dropped, his ears went red, and he dropped the towel he was holding.

With barely concealed smiles, Cyborg and Starfire glanced back and forth between Raven and Beast Boy. Out of the corner of his eye, Beast Boy could see them give each other conspiratorial looks that involved a lot of eyebrow-raising.

But his main focus was on Raven. She pointedly ignored her other teammates but kept direct eye contact with Robin. With her shoulders back, head up, and hands tightly gripping her glass of water, Beast Boy couldn't tell if her posture was that of an anxious or a determined person. Perhaps a little bit of both? If his sense of smell wasn't so out of whack from the stink of the vomit he might have had a better idea of what was going on in the woman's head.

He watched as Robin took the measured stare into his stride. He kept eye contact with Raven and seemed to consider her. Beast Boy could tell that the cogs were moving behind his eye mask as he took a full minute before slowly nodding and giving a small, understanding smile to the empath. In response, Raven's rigid posture seemed to relax as she gave a tiny smile back at Robin. Beast Boy could almost feel the radiance emulating off of her.

The sincerity and tenderness between the pair were palpable, and Beast Boy recalled his earlier conclusion about the future. Remembering it was like a dark raincloud on a sunny day and it brought those negative feelings all over again. They crept up his body from his toes and settled around his shoulders like a cold, wet blanket. Those feelings of rejection, of hopelessness. But it was more than that- it was the mourning of a future that he thought might be in his grasp but was never his to begin with.

Of course, it was HIM.

A ringing buzzed in his ear, and his limbs felt heavy. Starfire and Cyborg didn't see it. They couldn't have- they were still giving ridiculous signals to the other while eyeing Beast Boy and Raven. Only he knew the secret.

His mouth was dry, but he knew that it was his cue. Anything to do with animal welfare was always his cue. He needed to speak, say a joke, say anything, but the buzzing was getting louder, and he could barely think.

He knew she had felt the rapid change in his emotions. She whipped her head around to him, and her violet eyes went large with worry. She visibly flinched as if she'd been slapped in the face. Good, he thought for an instant. For one selfish second, he wanted to share the pain he was feeling.

The look of pure heartbreak painted on her pretty face snapped him out of his downward spiral. He reminded himself that he, Beast Boy of the Teen Titans, did not bring people down. He was the life of the party, the jokester, the one the gang can rely on to lighten a mood. Wallowing in self-pity was done behind closed doors or by the rocks near the ocean, where the only witness to his self-deprecation was the moon in the sky.

He gave her a tight smile as he tried to push down his negative thoughts. Tofu, mopeds, and unicorn poop, he thought to himself, happy thoughts, happy thoughts…

"Well, your husband sounds like a pretty great guy!" The false cheer in his voice sounded obnoxious, even to himself. "Going green is great for animals, of course, and the… uhh, the environment!" He tacked on this last bit of information with a toothy grin as he tried to lay on his usual charisma.

Raven stared at him but gratefully, she nodded along to his ramblings. "Yes," she shifted her eyes briefly to Robin before looking back towards Beast Boy. "That is what made him change his diet….the impact on the… environment." She had said the last part slowly as if trying it on for size. It must have fit, as she cleared her throat and carried on with more confidence, "Environmental issues are a growing concern in the future. People are changing their habits to do their best to help."

Beast Boy studied her for a moment. His hearing had picked up on the subtle jump in her heart rate, and he was puzzled by what it meant. Usually, he would equate the sensation to something stressful like anxiety, fear, or even… a lie.

"Well, he's making the world a better place, then. Small steps, am I right?" He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

She nodded only slightly as the side of her mouth curled up in the tiniest of smiles. Her large eyes seemed to observe him, and they almost seemed to say something with their compassion and warmth. He stared longingly into those violet depths but he felt the hurt threatening to creep up again.

He wanted to shout, he wanted to cry, he wanted to shake her, but mainly he wanted to demand she tell him WHY of all people it was him.

He was going to spiral, and he knew it. Dark thoughts drifted through him, enveloped him, and although he was looking into pools of purple who sympathized with him, it wasn't enough. He was going under, nothing could stop this sinking…

"Man, vegans are annoying!"

Okay, maybe that could.

Beast Boy gave Cyborg a frown but inwardly wanted to kiss his best friend for his outburst.

Opening his mouth, ready to retort with his well-practiced monologue, Cyborg beat him to the punch, "B, as much as I want to argue with you over animal cruelty and the morality of eating meat… you stink. Really bad. You need to change ASAP."

Beast Boy smirked, "Ruining your appetite, Chrome Dome?"

"Come any closer, and you will." He emphasized by taking a big bite of the bacon and giving him a brash, closed smile as he chewed.

Beast Boy sniggered but turned around, trying not to look too hurried as he accepted Cyborg's out.

Passing Raven, she held out a hand to stop him. "I could just…" she made a hand gesture to show that she could use her magic to clean up the mess.

He shook his head vehemently, "You're going to have to save your strength for all of the interrogating Robin is going to put you through," he whispered. He tried to convey with his eyes that he needed a minute, and thankfully, she blinked in understanding. Dammit, he needed a moment away from those eyes.

"Back in a few, dudes!" he called before the door out of Ops slid behind him.

The second he knew he was alone, he dropped the facade. A puppet no longer held by its stings, he wilted into himself. The false smile and bright facade were replaced with an anguish he felt all over. Taking heavy steps, he moved his way towards his room.

He knew he needed a moment to get away. To get away from the dark thoughts, to get away from his teammates, to get away from her. A moment to rationalize, reason with himself, and get away from her.

His room would at least give some reprieve from it all. In the safety of those four walls, he could submerge himself in the things that were uniquely his: his comics, his GameStation, his music. If he kept his mind busy with other tasks, he could bury these thoughts that were starting to string around his brain like a spider's silk.

Fully intending to turn on the GameStation and numbing his overworked mind on a virtual, monster-bashing quest, he punched the code to his room with an established plan to walk away from the problems in the Tower. A smirk on his face, a new beat to his step- he was bounding towards his TV when it hit him. He froze as he took it in, all thoughts of battling virtual dragons gone.

The scent in the air was all her. It was the scent of the cleaners she had made to perfection, it was that vanilla and incense smell that was all Raven and that earthy, primal, feminine scent of her that he was starting to recognize as soil and leaves and growing things. Try as he might, he couldn't get away from her- the damned woman.

Without understanding why, he threw himself onto the floor, back to the wall, and hit the back of his head roughly on the drywall.

He was being ridiculous. He forcefully hit his head against the wall again, scolding himself for his behavior. He knew- he had KNOWN the score. She had made no secrets about her marital status from the beginning- it wasn't exactly a secret. So why was he so filled with this anger, this hate? Sure, he had had some suspicions- some hope but they were wrong, so who cares- right? Right?

"It doesn't matter," he said out loud, as if vocalizing the words might make them true.

Tears pricked the corner of his eyes as he repeated these words to himself in a whisper. He clutched the sides of his head and fought back the anger, "It doesn't matter," he said, louder this time.

"IT DOESN'T MATTER!" He screamed to the ceiling as he punched his desk.

His traitorous eyes weren't listening to him, and he felt a bitter tear run down his cheek. Another joined, and within only a minute, his face was stained with salty streaks.

He sat there, wrapped within himself, sobbing on the floor. The cathartic tears wiped the negative emotion away, leaving only a dull ache in his chest.

He allowed himself a couple of minutes to let the tears stop flowing. Despite trying to hold it back earlier, he knew it was better to face the emotion, instead of fighting it.

With a hiccup, he finally unwrapped his legs and stared at the ceiling.

"It doesn't matter." his dried lips whispered to the cement. He shook his head and looked to the floor. "It doesn't mat-"

He paused in his destructive mantra as he found the graceful scribbles of a note by his knee. Gingerly, he picked it up, deducing that it must have fallen when he angrily struck his desk.

He wasn't certain, but he could guess that it was the ingredients and instructions for the spell to take Raven back to her time. The words were meaningless to him, and he recognized none of the materials, nor any of the words (Latin, he thought vaguely). He could feel his annoyance start to build again. Annoyance at her and her pretty, even handwriting, annoyance at himself for not understanding what was written on the sheet, and annoyance at the world for thrusting this impossible situation into his lap. He was just about to crumple it into a ball when a single word caught his attention.

Home.

The word was almost undetectable. The small strokes of the black ink were set off in the corner of the page as if the writer was absentmindedly scribbling or perhaps… yearning.

Home.

Just four little letters but they sent a shockwave into his system and made him sit up on his knees.

"It doesn't matter." He said, wiping his wet cheeks. "It doesn't matter," he repeated with a new sense of energy.

It didn't matter who gave her the ring, who had her heart. She was a woman lost in time, desperately trying to get back to her family and back to where she belonged. She was just trying to get home.

Jealousy was a petty reason to not help a friend in need, especially when he had already promised to help. And no matter how he felt about it, Raven had come to him first, before anyone else, because she trusted him. She trusted his discretion and trusted in his friendship. Surely that had to mean something?

On shaking knees, he got off the floor and ran a gloved hand through his hair. He had done enough moping, enough feeling sorry for himself. Yes, his feelings were valid, but it wasn't Raven's fault that he was feeling this way. Who she loved was none of his business, even if it made him want to punch the dude in the face. What mattered was her happiness, and being here in this time did not fully equate with that. She needed to go back- forward, whatever weird time travel thing that needed to be done to get her home, and Beast Boy was going to help her no matter what.

He stripped off his soiled uniform, grabbed a towel, and headed toward the shared bathroom. The hot water pounding on his shoulders gave him new energy. Now that he had made the decision, he was determined to keep on this path.

Now clean with a spotless uniform covering his frame, he headed back to Ops, a sad smile on his face, but a smile nonetheless.

Cyborg was the first to acknowledge the changeling's entrance with a wide grin and a wave.

"Bestie, my man! Rave was just telling us how good you've been to her for two days! I can't believe you managed to keep a secret for so long! That is like a record for the history books."

"Would you have believed me if I told you?" he replied, casually walking to the group as if nothing had happened in the last 20 minutes.

"No way, man. And if you think I'm forgetting that the first girl who slept in your bed was married, you're going to have another thing coming!" Cyborg slapped Beast Boy on the back and laughed.

"Raven!" Starfire clasped her hands with a giggle, "Now that we know of your presence in the Tower it is my turn to do the slumbering party with you! We can paint our nails and go into lengthy discussions about your wedding ceremony! I wish to hear all the details of the flowers, the dresses- Oh! What did-"

"I think that's enough, Star," Robin interjected, to the relief of everyone. "Raven can't discuss the future, remember?"

Starfire's bright face dampened slightly at the reminder. "Oh yes. You are correct, Robin."

Robin placed a hand atop his girlfriend's and gave it a slight squeeze. "You do have a point, though. Raven can't sleep in Beast Boy's room any longer. I suppose staying in our Raven's room isn't an option, is it?" he said, looking towards the Azarathian.

She seemed to consider the suggestion, "Although I'm confident I could probably stay there without raising her suspicions, I would rather be cautious. You have plenty of spare rooms I can sleep in for the remainder of my time here."

"Okay," Robin nodded. "They haven't been used in a long time, but we can spend the morning cleaning and airing one out for you. It does mean we will have to put back training for a couple of hours, but I'm sure we can still get one in today. Maybe we can look at training in-"

"No."

Ops went silent as the Titans all looked to each other to see who interrupted their leader as he was talking about training of all things. All the Titans knew that one didn't disrupt Robin when he spoke about such a sacred topic. The poor soul who did such an unthinkable thing was either ignorant of his overbearing ways or was hell-bent on being the guinea pig as Robin practiced his drill sergeant techniques.

Beast Boy himself was surprised at the outburst. He had no idea where it came from, and it took a moment to confirm to himself that it was, in fact, his lips that had uttered the words. He silently groaned to himself. There he was, acting before thinking again. But it now had been said, it couldn't be taken back. The consequences would probably hurt for days, but if he had already put his shovel into the ground, he might as well dig up the rest of his grave.

"What I mean is," he said as he rubbed the back of his neck, "That's like three floors away from me- from us." He hurriedly corrected himself. "What if you need us in the middle of the night, and we aren't there to help? We should all be on the same floor, at least." He looked towards Raven as he spoke, ignoring the leader he had just snubbed.

"Yeah, that's a nice thought, Beast Boy, but there are no other rooms on our floor. Remember?" Cyborg said, giving Beast Boy a teasing elbow to the ribs.

A silence filled the room. It was becoming a common occurrence, Beast Boy noted. Then he said the thing that was on everyone's mind, but no one wanted to speak out loud, "You can have Terra's room."

The Titans all froze in their spots. Beast Boy hardly ever uttered her name anymore, and even when he did, it was usually with a timbre of reverence and longing. This offer had such a different quality to its tone that the Titans were quite literally stunned in their seats. All eyes were on Beast Boy, and those eyes were wide in shock and awe. It seemed as if the Tower had never gone so quiet. Even the hum of the appliances seemed to freeze in time- as if they didn't want to miss hearing what would break this quiet moment.

The silence was getting to Beast Boy. For a man who loved chatter, music, and noise, it was all too much. He gave off a throat-clearing cough and continued, "I mean, I keep the room pretty clean still in case she ever….". His sentence trailed away from him as he stared at the floorboards.

It was true, he did go in every couple of weeks to air the room out, dust the furniture, and make sure everything would be ready for when she got back her memories and walked through the door again. He figured it would only be a matter of time before this would happen, especially since he'd seen her, he'd talked to her. But that was months ago. And if he was honest with himself, the only recent thoughts of her were fleeting ones. It had been quite some time since he went into the room, lay on the bed, and stared at the ceiling's twinkling lights. It had been even longer since he had believed she would come back into his life.

"She's not coming back, is she?" He tore his gaze from the ground and back towards the empath.

Raven avoided his gaze and did her own staring contest with the floor. Beast Boy could detect her heartbeat rise ever so slightly, and although she tried to hide it, he could see her clenching her jaw before she allowed herself a calming breath. "You know that I can't say anything about the-"

"Future. Right," he interrupted. He knew the repetitive tune and wasn't surprised by her answer. What surprised him was the thought that he didn't mind that much. Both the answer that she gave, and the notion that Terra wasn't in his life in the future. A couple of months ago, the thought of Terra not coming back to the Titans would have cut him to pieces, but now all that was there was a slight ache. Even that, he surmised, would probably fade in time as well. "Well, I guess even if she were to come back," he said, verbalizing his thoughts before he even knew what they were, "We couldn't just open our home to her again. Trust is based on a foundation and only then can it be built upon. She'd have to earn it back slowly, and only then would we allow her a room in the Tower and a spot on the team." He nodded to himself, proud that he was able to make this breakthrough, and looked towards his teammates for validation- only to find them all staring at him.

He blanched at their open-mouthed, ogled expressions. Even Raven seemed surprised, her head tilted to the side, and her lips parted in astonishment.

It figured. A guy is open and honest with his feelings, and everybody goes into shock. What year did they think this was- 1985?

He was about to tell a lame joke to cut the tension when Cyborg picked him up and put him in a bone-crushing hug. "I'm so proud of you, Grass Stain. I knew you'd figure it out eventually."

Starfire, not wanting to be left out of such a big moment, threw her arms around both men while happily chatting about preparing some sort of celebratory feast. Beast Boy knew he would never squeeze himself out of the situation, so he allowed his powerful friends to hold him in their embrace before they set him down with beaming smiles.

"Uhhhh, thanks guys. I think," he said after he was able to breathe again.

"Sounds good, Beast Boy," Robin said. "That was quite a revelation. Well done." He coughed slightly as if giving out such compliments was a chore. "Is there anything else you need right now, Raven?" Robin asked the empath, trying to get the conversation back on track.

Raven pondered a moment before answering, "I could use some clothes," she said, gesturing to her uniform. "If you have anything lying around."

Robin frowned through his eye mask, "That might be an issue. I'm not sure if going out into the city to buy maternity clothes would be something we'd want the public to see right now."

"Not to worry, Robin man! I have some civvie t-shirts that will cover that bump!" Cyborg grinned.

"And I have the pants that are stretchy!" a delighted Starfire added.

Relieved, Robin smiled at his friends. "Okay. Star and Cy, see what you have that might fit Raven. Beast Boy, take Raven to her room. I'm going to the evidence room to do some research. We'll all meet up at the gym in an hour." Robin said, dismissing the team.

"Oh yeah!" Cyborg called out as he headed towards his room. "This whole future thing is making me wanna watch the movies!"

"Tell me, doctor

Where are we going this time?

Is this the fifties?

Or Nineteen ninety-nine…"

Cyborg's terrible, off-key singing could be heard down the halls and made Beast Boy grin as he turned towards Raven. "Please tell me you understand that reference."

The empath was also smiling, her face looking to where Cyborg had walked out. "Of course. It's one of my husband's favorites. He makes me watch those movies at least once a year." She twisted herself round to face the changeling, her smile faltering. "I mean, he likes kind of goofy movies," she said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear almost shyly.

Beast Boy's heart lept as he watched such an affectionate gesture. Why does she have to be so goddamn beautiful, he thought. It's distracting as hell.

It was then he realized that they were alone in Ops. It was not the first time they had been alone- hell for two days he was her only companion and yet, this was the first time it felt awkward between them.

They both stood facing each other, not quite looking into the other's eyes, each waiting for the other to say something. Beast Boy lightly coughed and forced a smile, "The second one is the best, in my opinion. The third one is just okay."

She just nodded and gave him a small smile in return.

Remembering his earlier promise to himself, he steeled himself before gently reaching for her elbow. "C'mon. I'll take you to your room," he softly said.

Although she jumped at his touch, she allowed him to steer her away from Ops and towards the maze of hallways.

The walk to Terra's room was quiet. Beast Boy struggled to find words, but for once, he couldn't rely on his usual banter with the enchantress. Their footsteps seemed to echo, and he let out a small sigh of relief when he saw the geomancer's name on the door.

"Well, here it is." He said, putting the code in and stepping through the door. He walked into the room and took a deep breath. The lingering scent of his old friend was faint. After a week with Raven in the room, it will be gone for good. A part of him mourned this last lost link to the past, and without meaning to, his ears drooped slightly.

Before he could go further down that rabbit hole a soft hand touched his arm, and gentle, violet eyes found his.

"I understand how much Terra has meant to you, and I appreciate this gesture, Beast Boy." Her voice was almost a whisper.

He only nodded in reply.

They both stood like that for a few minutes, taking in the room and the significance of the moment.

"Have you seen her recently?" He asked, finally giving in to the question that plagued his mind. He knew it was probably an unfair question, and he could almost feel Raven's inner struggle, but he had to know.

After a moment's hesitation, Raven finally shook her head in resolve. "No. I'm sorry, I haven't seen her."

He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. It wasn't the answer he was hoping for, but he appreciated her honesty. He nodded and found himself turning towards the door, ready to leave.

"But you did."

He turned back instantly, not quite believing what he was hearing.

"I did?" he asked, perplexed.

She wouldn't look at him, which seemed strange to Beast Boy, but she nodded.

"A couple of years ago. You said she seemed happy." She continued looking anywhere but his face.

He thought about this for a moment and let it sink in. It seemed to take a weight off his shoulders, and he found himself smiling. Terra had had such a hard life before becoming a Titan that he couldn't help but feel genuine happiness for his old friend. She deserved all the good things she could get in life. "Good. I'm glad she is," he murmured to himself through a grin.

His smile faded as he found the courage to ask his next question.

"Am… Am I happy, Raven?" He asked with trepidation.

Raven, who at this point Beast Boy felt was making an effort not to watch him, gave him a look that seemed alarmed and confused. One of the light bulbs in the ceiling showered the floor with glass.

"You know," he said, answering her unspoken question and ignoring the small outburst, "You're an empath. We can't really hide that kinda thing from you."

She rolled her eyes, and with that simple act, the tension left the room. They were again Raven and Beast Boy, the pair who had the other's back, who teased and pushed the other to their limits. Gone was the awkward, quiet Raven and Beast Boy that seemed to have existed since that moment in Ops.

"Your happiness," she said, trying to hold back a grin but failing miserably, "is loud and bright."

"Sounds annoying," he said, copying her and attempting to hold back his jubilant smile.

"It is," she countered, "Very."

He wanted to swoop her up in a hug, he wanted to do a little dance, he wanted to sing to the sky and scream out in delight. He might not have what he wanted right now, but future Beast Boy was happy, and that was enough.

He stood grinning at her for a full minute before he came to his senses.

"Well, Mrs Vague-and-Aloof, I am going to get ready to have my butt whooped in the gym."

"And I'm going to lie down. Throwing up all over you is rather tiring." Although her smile was small, her eyes twinkled with mischief, and Beast Boy felt that his cheeks were going to start hurting from the ridiculous grin he had on his face.

"Ah, yes. I think you owe me one for that. Dish duty? Laundry duty? The possibilities are endless! Just maybe not cooking duty. I'd rather not get poisoned." He laughed as he made his way out of the room.

"I'll have you know, my cooking has improved!" She shouted as he walked out the door.

"I'll believe it when I see it, Rae," he called from down the hall, his steps a little lighter.


Authors Note:

This chapter marks the halfway point of Back to the Future.

I just want to say that I'm completely overwhelmed by all of the views, all of the follows, favourites, and comments I've received. I can't tell you how many times I have grinned stupidly at a device as I've re-read comments or seen how many follows and favourites this has gotten. I never thought in a million years that this would ever get the attention it has and I'm blown away by the kindness that I've received. Thank you, thank you for every view, every favourite, every follow, and especially, every comment. I truly appreciate every single one.

I want to give a special thank you to the lovely MysticJungle who was the first to read this silly fic and who convinced me that I wasn't sitting on a flaming hot pile of garbage. Thanks, Myst. You are proof that internet friendships can be amazing!

Next week, Beast Boy's emotions are all over the place and he takes it out on the wrong person.