Chapter 70: This Fickle Heart of Mine

Time has been passing by really quickly for Lunalei at school. Now that she no longer had that slimy bastard breathing threats down her neck, she's been able to get a lot more work done.

Though honestly, it's a miracle that the school survived that controversy relatively unscathed. The principal answered all questions from the police and news crews, and before anyone knew it it was like that guy was never here to begin with.

But Lunalei wasn't going to forget him. Nah, she was going to gloat about thwarting him for the remainder of the school year.

Even Erin's barbed remarks during class barely put a scratch on her hide.

Admittedly, it'd be LOVELY if this good luck could spread towards her investigation against Dregs.

She's been continuing to practice lucid dreaming on the off-chance she hadn't been good enough before.

Soaring through space in a battle suit, working mechanics with her senpai, and even indulging in a few extra inches to her body all around were just some of the things she was in control of at night.

Even if this failed to combat the nightmare, it had really improved her sleep schedule overall.

"Yep, everything's looking up Lunalei these days!" She thought with a smile full of pride.

And at this point, she really didn't care that Zelene was still being cold towards her, or that Erin was such a bitch.

The people who mattered most in life were her students, and they were doing excellent. Good, passing grades all around. Even from Serra.

She had to take a step back and think about how quickly her first year on the job was flying by. In just a month and a half it'd be summer break, and she'd mostly be free from the exhaustion of paperwork.

She sat back in her chair and fantasized about lounging in her bedroom combatting the summer heat with a barely working air conditioner and fan.

Maybe she'd finally build one of the model kits collecting dust in the closet.

She could use some of her funds to buy a new console and catch up on the latest hit games.

Heck, she'd love to teach Xander how to swim if he hasn't learned by now.

But all of this was predicated on her foiling Dregs plot, cause there'd be no peaceful summer playtime until then.

This was good motivation though, and now she couldn't wait for nighttime to drop so her and S.A.N.C.T.U.M. could go on patrol.

All of this kept her from noticing that class was over and everyone was heading out for the day.

She quickly slapped her papers down and shouted, "See you all tomorrow! Be safe out there!"

And a few of them waved back and wished her a good night, making her smile.

She returned to her desk and started collecting papers to take home. After a little fiddling around one of the papers wound up slipping out of her grasp and onto the ground.

Where it was quickly caught by Violet and passed back over to her, "Got your mind elsewhere, teach?"

Lunalei had a light blush and humorously poked her glasses up, "Kind of, yeah. Just thinking about the summer."

"Really? Funny, so was I!" Violet clapped her hands, but seemed to have a little less spunk than usual.

In fact, her knees were close together, and she immediately twirled her fingers around one another, "You're…probably not a beach person, huh?"

Lunalei thought about it, "I…prefer the indoors, but if someone asked I'd go. It's just…uuuugh. Having to wear a swimsuit…"

She glanced at her body and wished she was back in her lucid dream right now. She tightened her eyes and grumbled for a bit, packing the papers away into her bag.

"So, what's up?" She asked.

"Nothing much. Say, are you i-in a rush?" She hastily slapped her hands back atop the desk and nearly toppled it over.

Lunalei put her bag down and looked at the clock, "Not necessarily. Why? Do you need help with something?"

"Yoooooou could say that." Violet said, starting to blush.

"Alright, well go ahead," Lunalei smiled and looked at her with pride, "But first, let me just say how much you've exceeded my expectations, Violet."

"R-Really?" Her mouth started blubbering, "Y-You're exaggerating, ha ha, stop it!"

"No, I mean it. You went from tardy delinquent to top of the class in a matter of months. You…" Lunalei flicked her finger out and whispered, "Are going to be the go-to example of a model student in future classes."

"W-Well, that's because I had a great teacher!" Violet confessed, bringing her voice down to a whisper, "The greatest…coolest…person I've ever known…"

Lunalei blushed and started giggling, "Stop it, now you got me feeling embarrassed."

"I'm just doing my job though. It's not a big deal."

Violet pulled away from the desk and declared, "No! It IS a big deal! I dunno what my life would be like if you didn't push me to take your class seriously."

"I'd have…probably run away from home by now." She said with her head hanging.

Lunalei paused and then calmly told her, "Your dad's a cop, right?"

Violet sprung up looking surprised. Lunalei nodded in sympathy, "It sucks having parents who take the kind of jobs that keep them out of your life more than you want."

She looked her in the eyes and made a light gesture and sighed, "My dad's a doctor."

Violet scoffed, "Yeah, but at least your dad's saving lives instead of risking his."

"Hmmm," Lunalei turned the other way and paced herself until her positivity re-raised her smile, "Well, you've got what it takes to follow whatever path you want in life. Have you figured out what kind of profession you'd like to pursue?"

"N-Not exactly."

"No rush. But I'm always here to toss ideas around," Lunalei then bathed in the joy of her accomplishments, "Aaah, and I got a LOT more free time here now that that pedophile is gone."

"Oh yeah! The slimy guy my uncle arrested! I wish I could've SLUGGED him one before he was dragged out."

Lunalei turned and smirked, "Ha, me too!"

"H-Hey, confess…" Violet looked her in the eyes and asked, "You're the one who caught him on camera."

Lunalei flinched but then was shivering with joy, "Yep! It was me!"

Violet was aghast, "God…you're so cool…"

"Just…don't ask for the details. I'm still trying to wipe what I saw out of my brain." Lunalei shivered.

Violet took a couple steps forward and Lunalei paused to look her in the eyes. There, she noticed that she had put on a thin layer of lip gloss, giving her a more lady-like appearance.

"They grow up so fast…" Lunalei said.

Violet leaned forward slightly and murmured, struggling to get the words out, and on occasion turning her gaze towards the ground, "I-I…want to take my own path in life. And be happy about it."

"S-So…I can't be a scared little girl anymore. I have to take that important step forward."

She stood completely still save for her hand, which was laid over her chest, her eyes locked upon Lunalei's, who felt a strong spark coming off them.

And this stirred a weird, uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her gut.

"Teach…no. Lunalei. I-"

The next two words were swallowed up in a deafening vacuum as Lunalei's chest clenched up, the world around her spinning and turning, making her feel like she was getting sick.

She put a hand to her mouth and let out a couple coughs, which signified the return of sound to her consciousness.

Violet remained lingering on a final syllable, and Lunalei tried to combat her frazzled state of mind by muttering, "I-I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Violet tried to put a little more joy into her statement, "I said, I-"

Lunalei was hit harder by the dizziness. Like those words were being converted into a targeted attack on her psyche.

She stumbled back a couple steps, unconsciously blubbering out, "Y-You what…?"

Violet winced and looked around. Lunalei could barely keep a bead on her as her vision was getting foggy. She felt her chest clench up, her breathing getting labored.

And then her whole body went cold in a snap, as Violet embraced her in her arms.

"I-It's ok! I'm here for you! I…" Violet gulped tightly, gasping and struggling to get the words out, "You mean everything to me, Lunalei. A-And you deserve to have someone who WILL appreciate you."

"I never thought I'd fall in —- like this, but-"

A shriek penetrated Lunalei's ears as Violet's arms felt like a pair of cobras suffocating the life out of her.

Her body shook violently and her innards screamed. Until finally, her flesh gave out, and she shoved Violet off her with all her strength screaming, "GET OFF!"

Violet was launched into the desk and quickly scrambled to keep her footing. Her pupils shrank, she reached out.

Lunalei merely saw that hand approaching through the thickest darkness, growing larger and imposing.

She slapped the hand away and her glasses fell off her face as she screamed, "STOP IT! STOP IT!"

"L-Lunalei…?" Violet squeaked, coiling her hands back into her body.

Lunalei threw her head out and grit her teeth as tight as she could, "GET OUT!"

"But-"

"GET OUT!" Lunalei repeated, stamping her feet against the ground, "OUUUUUT!"

Violet gasped and her skin quickly turned pale.

The immense disappointment hitting her crestfallen face was something Lunalei was never going to forget.

As her best student choked on her words and swallowed any ideas of showing kindness deep into the back of her throat, she obeyed her teacher's harsh request with confusion and heavy shoulders.

By the time she had left the room, Lunalei had fallen to her knees clutching her chest, taking deep breaths to try and calm herself down.

She scrambled to put her glasses back on, and upon surveying the empty classroom she muttered meekly, "Violet…?"

She used the desk as support to stand but couldn't stop shivering.

It all came crashing down. The screams. The cold feeling in her body. That spark. That DAMN spark…What the hell was up with that? Why would SHE…?

She looked again and Violet was still gone.

And no doubt, she took all the respect and comfort she had towards her.

Lunalei gripped her fist against the table until her knuckles were scratched and then let out another scream, "DAMN IT!"

She punched her stupid chest where her heart was, "Damn you! Damn you!"

And with every hateful blow she found more tears shedding from her eyes.

She left this room as soon as she could and took a bus back home, all her pent up frustrations making the next few minutes of her life a total blur.

When she stampeded through the front door of her home she didn't even register her mom saying hello. She marched upstairs and passed by Zelene's room right as she was emerging.

Lunalei stopped and gave her a quick shove, much to her surprise. Then briefly facing her she shouted, "You…! This all started with YOU!"

Zelene bounced back by gritting her teeth and muttering, "What are you on about now…?"

"You don't appreciate what I've done for you!" Lunalei turned and threw her hands out with a maddened look in her eyes, "NONE of you do!"

Said right as her mom came upstairs, looking taken aback.

"What's going on?" She said, trying to be the calming voice amidst this growing storm.

"AUGH!" Lunalei grabbed her front bangs and tore a few hairs off before running to her room and slamming the door.

Lunis turned to Zelene, who retreated back to the room and slammed the door hard enough to shake the whole house.

Lunis shifted her gaze between both doors before settling on Lunalei's, whose growls of frustration penetrated through.

Taking a deep breath, Lunis carefully approached the door and saw the knob was loosened, allowing her to invite herself in after checking to see her daughter's state.

Lunalei had tossed her bag onto the ground and thrown herself face-first onto the bed to scream.

The viciousness of it was terrifying to behold, and brought a tear to Lunis' heart.

She held it back, and with footsteps as soft as a puppy she approached the bed and sat down beside her daughter.

It took a couple minutes for her to stop screaming and start whimpering, followed by a faint murmur of, "Go away…"

Lunis closed her eyes and held herself together as she whispered back, "I can't."

Lunalei became choked up, and punched the mattress with all her strength. After she started to lose the strength to scream, all she had left was the capacity to whine, "I-It's not fair…"

She pulled her face out of her bed sheets and it looked reddish, with the frames of her glasses now bent slightly.

Through her tears and bitter gaze, she forced her head away from her mom and sat upright, clutching her fists against her knees.

The tears started dripping off her face and onto the back of her fists, "I was born with a crappy body. I have no powers…"

"I wanted to do GOOD with the one talent I excelled at, w-wanted to be looked up to…l-like my senpai…"

"But…but…" She squeezed her eyes shut and got in one last shout of frustration from deep within her heart, "It's like everyone wants to paint me as the villain of my own story! BUT I'M NOT! I'M THE HERO!"

"Erin, Zelene, Mark, and now Violet…they all think something's wrong with me! There's nothing wrong with me…!"

She choked on her words and through pained gasps, slowly turned her head to her mom, "There's nothing wrong with me…!"

"T-There's…nothing wrong with me…!"

"Nothing…wrong with me…?" As her eyes became as vulnerable as a newborn's, she murmured, "M-Mom…?"

Lunis couldn't force a smile in hopes that it would make her feel better. She did it because that was the honesty of her heart at work…and the most she could offer her daughter in this trying time.

"Why…is my heart broken? And…how can I fix it?" Was the most painful thing she could've asked, and yet…Lunis long suspected that it would come to this point.

And when confronted with this horrible self-judgment from her daughter, she pushed past normally volatile boundaries to lay her gentle hands atop hers.

Even though her daughter shook, and curled her lips in fright, Lunis leaned in closer and whispered, "Y-You…are NOT broken."

She took a deep breath and then let go of her hands, and gave her some space to stop and breathe herself.

She then asked, "Can we start from the beginning?"

Lunalei took off her glasses and put them on the end table, giving a little nod. It had been years since she'd seen her daughter's face like this. So tender and hung low.

Lunalei turned her legs away from the bed and murmured every word, "I thought everything was going well at school…My students' grades were improving, I was finally getting respect…that horrible vice principal was arrested."

"But then out of the blue, one of my students approached me after class. And we had, what I thought, was an innocent enough conversation."

Lunis felt her heart sink deep.

Lunalei bit her lower lip and gasped in disbelief, "And then…I-I think she confessed her love to me."

"And when that happened I…blacked out."

"I reacted violently to her love and admiration, and when I came to she was gone. Because I pushed her away. Because…because I'm not right in the head!"

"And the worst part about all this is…is that when she got close to me before the confession, I-I felt a spark. I was realizing…I appreciate and admire her back."

"I…I shouldn't feel this way. I CAN'T feel this way. I-I'm a teacher…she's a student!"

"But god…I feel like a horrible, horrible person for not at least saying anything to her after she had to muster up all the courage in the world to say that to me!"

"No! I took the worst possible route just like I always do!"

She slammed her taut fists into her legs and exclaimed, "What good is all this intelligence if I'm going to keep being such a fuck up?!"

Lunalei finally allowed herself a break for her mom to step up and speak her voice.

"Intelligence doesn't save you from making mistakes. It's a constant part of life that you always have to take in stride."

"Take me for example," Lunis said with a fond and humble giggle, "I may host an encyclopedia of knowledge in my brain, but if you saw how I tried raising you at first you'd think I was the dumbest person in the world."

"I didn't know how to hold you properly. I didn't know how to feed you the proper foods. It took me WEEKS to learn which diapers were the best for your comfort."

"...All these little mistakes added up, and I've known and feared for the longest time that me and your father's naivete in raising a child affected you…poorly in the long run."

Lunis hung her head in shame, "But…you grew up. You found joy in the little things. You engaged with machines at a shocking young age, and became very, very smart."

"You have always…been so quick to want to grow up and be a part of the adult world. And I've always honored and respected that, even if in the back of my mind I suspected it was all because you wanted to get away from us."

"N-No, that's…mom…I…"

Lunis turned, tapped her cheek, and winked with that same eye, "You don't have to fib to make me happy. Part of being a mother, as hard as it is sometimes, is learning to accept what kind of person your child wants to grow up to be."

"But…if I can say something…" Lunis turned more towards her and patted her on the leg, her heart beating hard, "There has NEVER been a point in my life, that I wished you weren't born."

Lunalei's pupils shrank.

"And it's criminal that I haven't expressed this to you more. Maybe part of my naivete was assuming that love was something you'd accept, but that's not true. I've needed to say with my whole chest 'I love you' not once, not twice, but every hour of every day."

"Because…it hurts me so SO much to see you traumatized by attachments and love."

Lunis retracted her hand and closed her eyes, "My father…he was a man who'd understand you the most. Driven. Aloof. At times, his heart felt unreachable…But he cared more for his family than anyone else. He cared about the future. About the world."

"Those same burdens you've chosen to bear. But…I can't force you to not become him. I…am not owed your love."

"But…" Lunis laid her hand over her chest and opened her eyes, "I can give you a home. I can give you my ears, my heart, and my opinion."

"No matter what troubles you in life, I am here for you. We ALL…are here for you."

There was a brief pause before she giggled and admitted, "Yes. Even Zelene…and even your father."

Lunalei squeezed her leaking eyes and her begging came out weak, "How…how do I stop being who I am now? How do I…get better?"

Lunis shook her head, "First, you accept that who you are means you have flaws. And that's ok."

"Second, learn to slow down and take it easy. Not every problem needs to be solved today."

"Third, and most importantly…Feel ok talking to other people about your concerns. Even if they don't have an immediate answer, at least you won't feel alone with your burdens."

"...I-It feels like I've heard all this before," Lunalei said with a broken laugh, then wiped one of her eyes dry, "But it sounds a lot…better coming from you."

Lunis perked up her smile and then got off the bed to pick up her daughter's glasses, where she kneeled down and put them back where they rightfully belonged.

"You're not my daughter because I gave birth to you. You're my daughter because I love you, and support you, and accept you."

"I am PROUD…of the woman you have become."

Lunalei squeezed her hands between her legs and through broken up laughter tearfully said, "Mom…I-I'm sorry. I can't accept your opinion of me…yet…There's so SO much wrong with me, and…and until I can hold my head up high with no regrets-"

"I will be here." Lunis said for her.

Lunalei sucked in her lips and after how heavy everything was to deal with, her immediate thought was, "I…don't know what I'm going to do about Violet."

"And these feelings…These wrong, horrible feelings…" Lunalei clutched her fist against her chest.

"Remember step two," Lunis said with a wink, "Are you hungry? I'm going to be making chicken parm with a homemade sauce."

Lunalei raised her head and nodded, "Y-Yeah. That sounds…delicious."

Lunis' face lit up and she promptly headed for the door.

"...Mom?"

She paused for her daughter's request, seeing her lowering her head and darting her eyes up on occasion to look at her.

"Would you keep loving me even if I was a criminal?"

"..." Lunis smiled brightly and nodded, "Of course."

She gently closed the door behind her and in solitude, Lunalei fell flat atop her bed and sprawled her arms out.

Reflecting on every single thing her mom said, she saw those horrible nightmares shattering in her head, and more tears began to flow from her eyes.

She laid one arm over her eyes and started to laugh, "Ha ha ha…!"

With an overwhelmingly positive smile, her laughter grew, "I'm such a dumbass…"

"My family…really does care for me…"

She then lost a bit of her luster as she thought about it a little more, "At least…"

Her dad appeared in her head, "My mom does…"

She decided not to reflect on it for now, and take her mom's advice to heart.

She may be flawed…but that is what makes her Lunalei.

She needed to learn to accept that.

And maybe…this was what she needed to stop the Devil.

Who knew what the future held next?

But for now, she was glad to be alive.

Next Time: Leo and the Twins