Best buddies

A.N. There's a bit of American geography in this entry. I did look at Google Maps but since I'm not getting paid for this, I didn't look all that closely.


The fellows were in the office Thursday afternoon filling out paperwork. Chase was using the shared desktop while Foreman and Cameron were tapping away on their laptops. Since House had mysteriously disappeared for the duration of their just completed case, it fell to his subordinates to fulfil the administrative obligations each patient brought with them. Indeed, given that House was not in charge of the case, the paperwork would be properly and completely filed for a change. The Head of Diagnostics was many things, but a stickler for due procedure was not one of them.

Foreman sat back in his chair and looked at his colleagues. "So, do we have any idea where House got to this week? It's unlike him to just up and leave".

"Dunno. It was pretty great not having him breathing down our necks for a change, though. I wouldn't be against him doing it again", said Chase from the computer, with a wry smile.

"No idea either", said Cameron. This wasn't actually a lie, since House had never told her where he'd gone on his bike.

As ever, Foreman suspected that Cameron knew more than she let on. But in deference to Chase he didn't push it. "I met up with that rep from Parker-Wright last night. Katie, the one that gave me the booking for the German restaurant".

"Oh, yeah? Well, Katie seems to like you, mate", winked Chase.

"Funny you say that. She came back to mine afterwards, and we may have…", Foreman glanced at Cameron, "…er, done the dance with no pants".

Cameron looked Foreman squarely in the face. "You can speak plainly, Foreman. I have two brothers and I've worked with you long enough".

Foreman laughed. Sometimes he forgot that, despite her youthful appearance and caring attitude, Cameron was as open about sexual matters as anyone he knew. "Well, anyway, she's hinting that she wants something more than a fling and I dunno how I feel about that".

"Don't do it, man. Just accept the lay and get out of there. Women aren't worth the aggravation. No offence", muttered Chase in Cameron's direction.

"None taken", she smirked back.

"Trouble in Mathilde-land, Chase?", asked Foreman conversationally.

"I don't want to talk about it", returned the Australian, turning to the computer screen.

"What are we discussing, minions?". House wandered into the office. He had spent most of the day in the clinic and was thoroughly bored. True to his word, he hadn't palmed the duty off to one of his subordinates—he didn't feel like aggravating the Overlord at the moment. Having made his way over to the kitchen area, he put some water on to boil and faced the others. "Well?".

"Where did you disappear to earlier in the week, House?", Foreman inquired instead.

The man himself rolled his eyes. "Fun fact: I hate it when people answer a question with another question. It's one of my pet peeves. Along with stupidity, idiocy, and unintelligence".

"We were talking about sex", Foreman said at once. "Now will you tell us where you got to?".

House was rifling through the cupboards. "What the hell have you people done with the coffee? I'm gone two days and all my favourite things are not where they're meant to be".

Cameron got up from the conference table and walked over, shooing House to the side. "I'll do it. I could use a refill anyway. By the way, the coffee is here, House", she remarked, waving the packet in front of his face.

"I know. I'm not an imbecile. I just wanted you to make it. Women", House muttered with mock joviality to Foreman and Chase, both of whom raised their eyebrows. Cameron only sighed good-naturedly. Before the two men could raise any further questions about this weirdly domestic exchange, House said: "I went on a little state tour. First to Delaware, then to Maryland, then back to Princeton via the forest route".

"What the heck? That must be at least a 400-mile round trip", commented Foreman.

"Maybe, but who's counting?". House was now leaning against the windowsill.

"Why on earth did you decide to do that mid-week and mid-case?", asked Chase.

Cameron studiously spooned coffee beans into the machine, feigning disinterest, but she too was curious about how he would frame his answer.

"Because of you, Chase", House replied after a dramatic pause.

"What?". All three fellows spoke it at once, but Cameron was the most surprised at how he had revealed the cause of his disappearance so candidly to the others. The final confession that she and House were now together would surely follow. Although she was more than happy to reveal this, a little warning would have been preferable, and she mentally prepared herself.

"Yeah", House continued, "ever since I saw you in those short shorts, I just couldn't get you out of my mind. You're a very handsome man, and I think the shooting really stirred up some feelings. For the first month or so after I came back, every time I saw you, I just wanted to rip your clothes off and have my way with you".

Chase shook his head from the computer. "OK, very funny".

"This isn't a joke, House. We might've needed your help with the case", Foreman remonstrated.

"Oh, this is no joke, Formdog. I rarely kid about matters of the heart". House accepted his coffee from Cameron, whom he looked in the face, his shining blue eyes boring into her own. "Thank you", he said softly.

Cameron said nothing, though the sudden hammering of her heart indicated that her brain had read the true significance, and recipient, of his words. She walked back to the table, careful to retain an expression of mild amusement.

"Anyway", remarked House, having taken a few gulps of his drink, "I took a couple of days to get away and process things. And you'll be relieved to hear that I'm not in love with you, Chase".

"Great". The Australian rolled his eyes.

"It was a close-run thing, though. That blonde hair you have is to die for. Is it natural?".

"Err, yeah". Chase was beginning to feel uncomfortable under his boss' gaze.

Cameron, who had remained silent during the entire conversation, saw an opportunity to come to Chase's aid while also seeking an answer to a question she had wanted to ask ever since she and House's encounter in the lab. "You seem to be a real sucker for blondes, huh?". The woman ran a hand through her own brown hair, slightly self-consciously.

House looked at her for a moment or two and shrugged. "The colour reminds me of hookers".

Chase scoffed. "Gee, thanks. First you insult my country, then you insinuate that I'm a prostitute".

"Hey", said the other at once, finger raised. "I never insulted Australia. In fact, it's a fine land full of industrious and beautiful people".

"Look, if it's all the same to you, maybe we should get back to work now", sighed Foreman.

"Hang on. You said you were talking about sex before. I know I joked about homosexuality, but if you two have something to share…?". House trailed off, winking suggestively.

"How do you know it wasn't Cameron we were talking about, eh? Or do you know something about her relationship status that we don't?". Foreman sat back in his chair and smiled in triumph.

"Actually, homie, if you cast your mind back to our first day in this office after my return, you'll recall that Cameron made it very clear that she didn't get involved with anyone at work. And it's a brave man that asserts she's changed her mind. But if you're willing to try, let me just grab my popcorn…".

Cameron smirked and folded her arms. Ordinarily she'd be annoyed that someone had presumed to speak on her behalf, but House's reply had pretty much been her own, and a part of her loved to watch him in his element, baiting his subordinates, dishing it out and receiving some mouth in return. In fact, she felt a little left out, and she twirled a finger in her hair as she spoke: "well, in fairness, House, they may not have meant sex with them. Maybe I have a secret lover I've kept hidden from you all".

"Oh, yeah?", House grinned, daring her to play the game. "Why don't you go ahead and describe this mythical creature? I don't think these guys would believe it otherwise".

"Nah, I think I'll keep him to myself for the time being. I don't want you lot asking incessant questions".

House didn't risk a glance at this, but it wasn't necessary. Cameron had subtly signalled she was happy with the current policy of keeping things under wraps for now.

"Wait, so you do actually have a secret boyfriend?", Chase asked.

"Huh?", she replied. "This is all hypothetical. As House said, such a person is likely to be completely mythical".

"Right, well, now that we're all thoroughly confused, we still have a heap of papers to sort through", said Foreman.

"Straight to business, Foreman. That must be why Katie likes you so much". House finished his coffee and placed the empty mug in the sink.

He looked up sharply. "How did you know about Katie?".

"Please. Did you honestly think that all the drug reps are attracted to you because of your magnetic personality and shining head? I tell all the female reps that you and I are best buddies and that if you're happy I'm happy. I thought you knew this". House caught sight of Foreman's open mouth from his position at the sink. "Yikes…anyway…it seems my work here is done. If that's all, it's time for Real Hospitals of Los Angeles. Don't disturb me". He sauntered over to the dividing door and opened it.

"Wait. What do you do with the male reps?", asked Cameron, who had stifled a laugh only with great difficulty.

House's eyes twinkled. "I send them to Cuddy. No man should die without at least catching a glimpse of those funbags. I take the duty to my gender very seriously indeed". With that the door clanged shut, and TV noise soon filtered through into the shared office.


As ever, big thanks for reading. I'm a few ahead of you and we've got some tasty ones (literally...) in the pipeline.