"Feelin' my way through the darkness
Guided by a beatin' heart
I can't tell where the journey will end
But I know where to start
They tell me I'm too young to understand
They say I'm caught up in a dream
Well, life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes
Well, that's fine by me

So wake me up when it's all over
When I'm wiser and I'm older
All this time, I was findin' myself and I

Didn't know I was lost..."


"Del? Del! Wake up!"

The transition from dream to wakefulness was jarring. Del found himself flat on his back on Blurg's narrow bed in the myconid colony with the worried faces of a hobgoblin and an illithid staring down at him.

"Wha-" He gasped, head spinning as he tried to orient himself to reality. Now that he was out of the Astral Plane, the headache was back with a vengeance, as if it had been waiting for him to emerge so it could pounce. On top of that, his tongue felt oddly thick and numb, as if it had been stung by an insect or he'd bitten it in his sleep. "Wha'zz going on?"

"You were having some kind of seizure," Blurg said grimly. "Your friends are back, and Omeluum already prepared the potion. But when we came in to give it to you, we found you unconscious and twitching."

"Let's discuss that later," Omeluum said, unstoppering a small glass bottle it held in its clawed hands. "For now, we must stop the transformation from advancing any further, before it reaches a point of no return. Here. Drink this."

The illithid held the bottle up to Del's mouth, and he swallowed its contents in several long gulps.

"Really, no complaints about the taste?" Blurg asked. "With ingredients like those, it should be absolutely awful."

"It was kind of bitter, I guess," Del said. "But nothing too bad, and definitely not any worse than this headache."

"Use your voice, young one. You're lucky you still have it."

Del hadn't even realized that at some point he'd stopped speaking aloud. He cleared his throat and said, "Thanks. Sorry for scaring you."

He wanted to tell them about his adventure in the Astral Prism, but realized he'd forgotten to ask the Emperor if it was okay to reveal his identity. Maybe he should hold off for now...

"Your friends are begging to see you," Blurg said. "But I told them to wait a little longer, until we know if you are starting to recover. They would only overwhelm you with tales of their own ordeals."

"Are they okay?" Del asked, fighting through the fuzziness that was already beginning to take the place of the headache. His thoughts were becoming slower and more sluggish by the minute, and he felt as if his body was sinking down into the mattress beneath him.

"Don't worry," the hobgoblin assured him. "They hit a few snags along the way, but made it back in one piece with the mushrooms."

"He's losing consciousness again," Omeluum warned its companion. "I don't think it's another seizure... Perhaps a paradoxical effect of one of the ingredients in the potion? Tongue of madness is known to have a sedative effect on our kind, but I didn't think his physiology had been altered so significantly already..."

Having spent much of the past twenty four hours asleep, Del wished he could stay awake just a little longer. But then he realized that if he gave in, maybe he could see the Emperor again and continue where they'd left off... So, with that thought, he stopped fighting the wave of sleep and let it wash over him once again.


Rather disappointingly, Del's dreams did not take him back to the Astral Prism. Instead, he found himself sitting on the cold stone floor of a cave, leaning forward with his arms wrapped around his knees. He heard the snick of blades sliding together from behind and instinctively scrunched his eyes shut, flinching...

Yet instead of an attack, a lock of his own grayish-white hair fell past his face. Del lifted his head and saw an old woman, cutting his hair with a pair of rusty shears.

But something was wrong here. He'd had his hair styled in dreadlocks and shaved at the sides for quite some time now. He knew that the un-styled portion was beginning to grow out at the edges, but surely not to the extent that someone could cut it like that?

Del realized that the sense of wrongness wasn't just about his hair. Where was he? Back in Oryndoll, perhaps? This looked like the upper caverns, not the city proper. Hells, w hen was he? He felt... Small somehow. His arms were thin and weak, and his knees were knobby and scraped like a child's. Before he could really consider his circumstances, the woman cutting his hair began to hum.

Something about that tune was familiar. As Del listened closer, the humming resolved itself into words...

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night... Take these broken wings and learn to fly."

A blackbird? But there weren't any black birds in Oryndoll. Not even bats lived down here unless they were imported from upper reaches...

Del turned back to ask the old crone what she was singing about, mindful to avoid getting his ear clipped by the shears. But then the entire scene flickered, and Del found that the old woman had disappeared in the space between one moment and the next. Instead, she'd been seamlessly replaced by a younger woman with long dark hair and eyes like deep blue pools. It had been her voice all along, not the crone's. And rather than a dank cave, Del found that they were now in a cozy log cabin with sunbeams slanting through the window.

The woman gave Del a small, fond smile as she continued; "All your life..."

Somehow, Del found he knew the words to the song. He joined in, finding that his voice was higher-pitched than it had been in decades. "You were only waiting for this moment to arise."

The woman let out a short yet melodious laugh. "Sit still, Jonas. You can keep singing, but don't move around so much."

Del turned his head to face front again, even though all he wanted to do was to look at the woman forever. His surroundings were blurry; seen through a haze of time and memory alteration. But the love in the room was too strong to be forgotten.

Together, they sang, "Blackbird, fly... Blackbird, fly..."

Del let his eyes slip shut, wanting to savor the moment. Even though he didn't fully understand what was happening, the scene filled with him with a sense of peace and contentment that he couldn't recall ever experiencing before.

But when he opened his eyes again, the woman was gone.


Instead, he was back in the myconid colony, and this time it was Karlach sitting by his bedside.

"Hey, soldier," she said casually, yawning as she leaned back in her chair - and then grinned sheepishly as she righted herself after nearly falling because the chair in question had no back. "Glad you're back with us! Have a nice nap?"

Del cracked a smile at her lightheartedness. "Yeah, really relaxing. Except I had the weirdest dreams..."

"I'll bet! That dream visitor again?"

Del shook his head. Technically, he hadn't dreamed of the Emperor this time.

"Some use that guy is," Karlach said dismissively. "Omeluum and Blurg have done more for us already. I haven't heard from him since he told us to trust you the night after you and Lae'zel fought."

Del shrugged. "I think he's busy. Poor guy is trying his best."

"Anyway, how're you feeling?"

He thought for a moment. "Pretty decent, actually. Barely even have a headache anymore."

"Great, that's great," Karlach said enthusiastically – but there was something ever-so-slightly off in her voice. Suddenly Del could see that her optimistic attitude was at least partially an act.

"Hey, Karlach? Is something the matter?"

Her smile cracked for a second, then slipped back into place. "What makes you say that?"

"Come on, weren't you telling me just the other day to be honest if something's wrong?"

"All right, all right." She sighed. "It's a couple things, actually. Blurg might have told you, but we didn't have the best time out there getting those mushrooms. We ran into a beholder – well, Gale will say it's a beholder's baby cousin, but that thing was plenty awful. My engine kept overheating for some reason, and Shadowheart almost died 'cause I was out of commission. Then that night – we had to stop and rest a bit, after that battle – this old guy showed up in our camp out of nowhere. Said he was Gale's old teacher, but he had a message from Mystra. You know, his ex who's literally a goddess?"

Del nodded and settled in to listen, propping himself up on one elbow in bed.

"Well, turns out she wants him to kill himself. Use that bomb in his chest to take out the Absolute. Can you imagine?"

Del frowned. "Goddess or not, that's too much to ask. He's not gonna do it, is he?"

Karlach was silent, picking at the nails of one hand with the other.

"Karlach. He's not, is he?"

She sighed. "We're all telling him it's a bad idea, but he seems determined to get her forgiveness in the afterlife or something. Maybe if he hears it from you, he'll see sense. Like come on, if your master told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?" Karlach paused, then added - "Shit, why'd I even ask that? Maybe you would."

Del sat all the way up, feeling his anger at Eldriss rekindle. "You know what? Maybe I would have, but not anymore. I remembered some things, while I was dreaming. Some nasty things they did. And as soon as I get out of this bed, I'll go tell Gale not to put as much faith in Mystra as I did in my master."

Karlach's smile was more genuine this time. "Man, am I ever glad to hear you say that. Not that your master was a piece of shit, but that you're beginning to realize it." Then her smile dimmed as she seemed to remember something. "Oh, but one more thing before you get up and go running around. I know you feel better, but, uh... dang, I wish there was a mirror in here. Astarion had one, but it got lost at some point. Let's just say you've got some weird marks on your face."

Del frowned. "Marks... like what kind of marks? How bad is it really?" Aside from looking presentable for his master, he'd never been one to care much for personal vanity. But then, neither was Karlach... So if she was bringing it up, it couldn't be pretty.

Karlach thought for a moment about how best to describe it. "They look like veins, kinda – but black. Starting around your eyes and going out to the rest of your face, down your neck even."

"That could be not too bad, or absolutely awful," Del quipped. "What is it on a scale of one to ten, with ten being the ugliest?"

"C'mon Del, you're not ugly!" Karlach said far too quickly. "Like a two out of ten, maybe, but only cause I'm not used to it yet."

Del mentally doubled that number.

"I can't pretend to understand all the science stuff behind why that happened," the tiefling continued. "I'll let Omeluum and Blurg tell you more. They should be coming back any minute now."


"This is really quite fascinating," Omeluum said to Del the next time it came to check on him. The illithid paced back and forth, theorizing aloud to Blurg and the rest of Del's companions, who had crowded into the small room to hear what the researcher had to say. "I have never seen anything like it before. The parasite has already begun to eat his brain, but it stopped when we put it back in stasis with the potion. This leaves your friend here in a rather unique position."

"I'm right here," Del said indignantly. "And I know you're probably right, but I don't feel like anything's been eating my brain. I'm doing a lot better now."

"That's the truly amazing part. Somehow, the parasite itself has taken over the functions of what it consumed and is working in concert with what is left of your brain." Omeluum paused, realizing that this, while scientifically interesting, was most certainly not good news. " My apologies for not being able to stall the process sooner. But you seem stable for now, as long as you continue taking the potion daily."

"Wait, what?" Del blurted. "I have to keep taking it?"

This time, Blurg was the one to answer. "I'm afraid so. We're brewing a large batch now, but will divide it up into smaller bottles. Drink one dose per day," the hobgoblin instructed. "Maybe in the evening, since it seems to have a sedative effect. If you stop drinking the potion, it's likely your transformation will pick up where it left off. Any further progression at this point would cause dramatic visual changes, not to mention feel quite unpleasant. So come back to us when your supply starts running low."

"Don't worry," Karlach said reassuringly. "We'll find a way to cure you before it comes to that. Even if it means we end up storming Moonrise Towers by ourselves, or Gale has to learn Wish or something."

Blurg just smiled sadly, as if he thought her naive, and Omeluum's expression was impossible to read as usual. Astarion seemed to be cycling between relief and guilt, and Del could almost hear him thinking 'Well at least it wasn't me.' Shadowheart gave Del a look that stung of pity, then winced in – pain? Was her hand hurting her again? Gale was uncharacteristically silent instead of starting up with his usual monologue about how long a spell like Wish would take to learn.

Del looked away from his companions, afraid of seeing too much. He couldn't read their thoughts , exactly, but found that he was far more in tune with their emotions and microexpressions. The feeling of knowing what they thought of his situation wasn't entirely pleasant.

"I hope that you will all find the answers you seek at Moonrise," said Omeluum. "But I would advise you, in particular" – it gestured to Del - "to avoid removing the tadpole unless you are sure the method you choose will restore what it has already taken from you. Unless you can do that, its removal would leave you in a catatonic state if not kill you outright. At this point, Del, you are the tadpole... At least in part."

A wave of dizziness washed over Del at these words. He tried to blame it on the lingering physical weakness, because after his conversation with the Emperor the other night, he really should have been more prepared for this news. But hearing it in the waking world somehow made the full severity of the situation more real.

"So I'm not even fully myself anymore, even if it feels like it? If I stop taking the potion or can't get cured, it's just a matter of time before I go full illithid?"

Blurg gave him a sympathetic look. "As Omeluum here has shown me, being a mind flayer is far from the worst thing in the world."

Though his companions radiated disgust at the thought, Del thought that the Emperor would probably agree.


Even a single dose of the potion had been enough to reverse the worst of Del's symptoms. His fever went down, and his head no longer ached. However, he was left with a lingering sense of weakness, so he and his companions decided to stay in the myconid colony for a few days longer.

Del did not dream of the Emperor that night, nor the next. His dreams were a scrambled mess of real and fake memories, like the one he'd had right after drinking the potion - but the more of them he had, the easier he found to tell the difference. The human woman from the first one seemed to be his mother, based on how she treated him and the way her eyes and facial structure mirrored his own. Del relished every second he spent in her presence, even if it was just something mundane like eating dinner or chopping wood for the fire. Why had he ever left their little home in the forest to become an adventurer? The dreams seemed roughly sequential in nature, so maybe he'd find out eventually as long as those parts of his memory weren't too corrupted.

The Emperor was silent for the most part, though he was glad to hear Del was starting to get his memories back. And Del did eventually get a reply to his mental question about whether he could reveal his dream visitor's identity to Omeluum. Unfortunately, the answer was a resounding 'no'.

"If Omeluum finds out, it is only a matter of time before the rest of your companions know as well. They are not ready for that yet, and would only blame me for failing to prevent your transformation."

The Emperor likely had other reasons as well, but Del could only speculate on what those were. Shouldn't the renegade illithid be more relieved to find a kindred spirit?

But aside from that minor hiccup, the next three days were surprisingly relaxing. Del spent the first day resting and recovering, but by the second he was up and about, determined to adjust to the changes that partial ceremorphosis had inflicted on his body and mind.

In addition to the black veins Karlach had mentioned, Shadowheart told Del there was something wrong with his eyes themselves. "They're black as night, now," was how she put it. "If it wasn't for everything else, I'd almost be jealous."

'Everything else' included a laundry list of other ailments ranging from the painful to the mildly inconvenient. Del had lost one of his canine teeth at some point during the worst of it, though no one could figure out if that was due to the process itself – illithids didn't have human teeth, after all – or a consequence of how hard he'd been gritting his teeth during that seizure. Probably some combination of the two. He could also swear he'd grown a few inches based on the way his trousers were suddenly short around the ankles, not to mention the leftover ache in his bones that felt suspiciously like growing pains. His tongue and both pinky fingers experienced random bouts of numbness, which made it a bit awkward to enunciate words and hold a weapon with the proper grip. But he adjusted to these changes surprisingly quickly.

More concerningly, Del found himself unable to enjoy some of his favorite Underdark recipes like ripplebark stew without nausea and bouts of vomiting. After a brief period of panic, the more scientifically-minded members of their party (Gale, with the recent addition of Omeluum and Blurg) encouraged him to try a larger variety of foods to investigate his reaction to them. Thankfully, Del found out that he could still eat plenty of things, so there was no need to go out looking for brains or anything... But he noticed he now tended toward a far more carnivorous diet, eating primarily meat as well as a few varieties of mushroom that were easier to digest.

At least it wasn't all bad. The few positive changes from his partial ceremorphosis were all below the surface. Mental communication was now as easy as speaking aloud, and no longer limited to those who had tadpoles or other psionic abilities of their own. More than once in those first few days Del thought he was speaking normally until one of his companions reminded him to use his words. And he discovered that he could make other things happen just by thinking about them hard enough. That telekinetic push he'd done to the duergar? Child's play. If he focused hard enough, he could even make himself levitate for a few seconds at a time.

"Look, Karlach!" he called out with childlike glee the first time he managed this particular feat, and the two of them entertained themselves by experimenting with Del's abilities for the rest of the afternoon. He even managed not to think about Eldriss's betrayal for a record-breaking two hours.

These new skills needed to be practiced like any others, but Del hoped that they would prove useful in a fight. After several days of inactivity, he found that he was itching for a good battle. Karlach and Shadowheart agreed, but Gale and Astarion seemed content to loaf around in the myconid colony. Astarion viewed it as a vacation, but Gale spent every waking moment following Omeluum and Blurg around asking questions about their research... as well as other questions of a more personal variety.

"You can't just ask it where it gets the brains," Del hissed at Gale at one point. "And yes, 'it' is the right pronoun if Omeluum says it is."

Rather than take offense, the mind flayer radiated amusement as it continued cataloguing its fungal samples. In addition to the Society's broader goal of improving life in the Underdark, Omeluum was also working on something of a personal project: finding an alternative diet for illithids that didn't depend on the consumption of sentient brains. Now that was something Del could get behind.

Despite the insensitivity of Gale's questions, Del was glad that the wizard had returned to his natural state of inquisitiveness. He'd been unusually quiet for the first day or two after returning with the mushrooms, likely mulling over Mystra's request. Del had spoken to him about it, and while the wizard didn't want to refuse it entirely, at least he was open to the possibility of an alternative way to deal with the Absolute. Del supposed that, for now, that was the best they could hope for.


As Del recovered, so did the gnome who had been poisoned by the duergar. Her name was Thulla, and she was desperate to help her friends that had been enslaved by Gekh and his buddies. The Sovereign, too, was beginning to get impatient for Del and the others to fulfill the rest of their promise, so they decided to leave with Thulla and take care of the duergar for her and the myconids alike. And so, three days after he had arrived at the myconid colony, Del left it with one additional party member, a case lined with potion bottles, and powers that he barely knew how to use.


Author's Note: Annnd there we go, cliffhanger over for now. Thanks for bearing with me while Del's fate was up in the air for two chapters! I wanted to play with the idea of the partial illithid transformation in Baldur's Gate 3, but have it happen far earlier than is possible in the game. He may still go full squid later on, but things are paused for now. Honestly Del needs this transitional period to really come to terms with freedom for the first time and realize how his master has screwed him over.