Under the Mistletoe
[The episode opens with a shot of Octavia and Vinyl walking past Daria and Jane as they go in opposite directions across the street]
[We transition to a shot of the miniature railway engines; Rex, Mike, and Bert, puffing alongside each other with ballast hoppers repainted into a different shade of red to match the season with garland attached on top]
[Transition to an apartment building as Sunset Shimmer and Petunia are shown passing by. The instrumental to "Santa Baby" starts up, zooming in on the window. Inside the residence is one of the latest acquisitions to the city, a gray raccoon in a pink vest and an earring on his left ear. He is shown coyly prancing around the room, singing to the tune as he plays decorations on the Christmas Tree. This is Renaldo Raccoon]
Renaldo: Santa baby, just slip a Sable under the tree for me
Been an awful good boy
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight
[Renaldo traces a row of tinsel around the tree before popping a few ornaments at the same time]
Santa baby, a 54 convertible too, light blue
I'll wait up for you dear
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight
[The raccoon swaggers into the kitchen, putting on a green apron before opening the oven with a pair of pink gloves. Outside comes an array of cookies shaped into various Christmas symbols as he sets them out on the table]
Think of all the fun I've missed
Think of all the men that I haven't kissed
[Renaldo looks through his phone at the names he's taken since his arrival; Blitz, Exile, Chance Furlong, Jake Clawson, Fox McCloud, Wolf O'Donnell, Robin Hood, Sly Cooper, Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Sylvester Pussycat Sr., Wile E. Coyote, Tramp, Balto, Dodger, Thomas O'Malley, Pongo, Yogi Bear, Top Cat, Scooby-Doo, Charlie Barkin, Basil, Justin, Scar, Shere Khan, Buster, Steele, Bagheera, Baloo, Buster Bunny, Plucky Duck, Furrball, and Calamity Coyote]
Next year I could be just as good
If you check off my Christmas list
[Renaldo's list is shown in red letters, particularly the first three items include "A Man of my Very Own", "Dual Earrings", and "A Purple Vest"]
Santa baby, I want a yacht and really that's not a lot
Been an angel all year
[Renaldo leans against the picture of an expensive yacht and then puts his hands together in a praying motion as a halo appears over his head]
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight
[Renaldo swishes his legs back and forth looking up at the chimney]
Santa honey, one little thing I really need
The deed to a platinum mine
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight
[The raccoon pulls out a piece of paper from the drawer with the name "In Due Ownership of the Intruna Platinum Mine" written at the top in bold letters with a whole lot of text below]
Santa cutie, and fill my stocking with the duplex and checks
Sign your 'x' on the line
[Renaldo flashes a whole set of checks out of a drawer that they fly all over the room, pointing to the "X" on one of them]
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight
[Cut to Renaldo with a piece of mistletoe atop his head as he seductively moves across the living room]
Come and trim my Christmas tree
With some decorations bought at Tiffanys
[The raccoon produces two ornaments of red and green, placing them over his head with a wink]
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me
[Renaldo leans against the window, placing his paw over his forehead like a dame]
Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing
A ring, I don't mean on the phone
[Renaldo flips his paw out with a transparent ring meant to be on his ring finger before he makes his way over to the couch, jumping on it before landing gracefully on the pillow]
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight…
Hurry down the chimney tonight…
Hurry…tonight…
[Renaldo gives a rather feminine sigh as he lays down on the couch proper, ending the musical number]
Renaldo: Oh, how I adore this time of year. The decorations, the fashion, but most of all, one little thing that's guaranteed.
[The raccoon holds the piece of mistletoe over his head]
Renaldo: That's right, this piece of red and green is my gateway to the hearts of the male poplace. OH, it sends a tingle down my spine, I am fortunate enough to be graced within this city, as there's so many options to choose from.
[Renaldo peers out of the window as Loopy, Basil, Justin, and Simba pass by outside going in different directions across the street]
Renaldo: Not a bad selection if I do say so myself. But if only there was a way to allure them to my presence…oh wait, I know.
[Renaldo pulls out a piece of mistletoe and ties it onto his head]
Renaldo: Hmmhmmhmm, it's tradition after all. Plus, is it really that hard to resist moi, I mean, look at me. Perhaps this'll be easier than I thought, where to start…
[The scene cuts to outside of a coffee shop as Quinn, Dexter, Lupe, and Courage are shown leaving, focusing on the pink beagle in particular as he walks down the street with a cup of hot cocoa steaming out, wrapped in a green coat. Renaldo is shown leaning against a lamppost when he spots Courage coming his way, a sly grin forms on the raccoon's face]
Renaldo: Hmmmmm…he looks cute for a beginner…
[Courage takes a sip of the beverage before giving a content sigh]
Renaldo: [off-screen] Enjoying yourself?
Courage: Huh?
[The screen pans out to reveal Renaldo]
Renaldo: You know, you're quite unique among the men I've seen around these parts.
Courage: Um…I am?
Renaldo: Why yes, of course, after all, it's not everyday I see a man vibing in pink, matches my signature vest.
Courage: [blushes] O-Oh…well…thank you…
Renaldo: Hmmhmm, how adorable, you know, I don't suppose you could assist me with a favor…
Courage: …What would that be?
Renaldo: Oooooooh, nothing too big, just wanted to know if you could spare a bit of sugar…
[Renaldo produces the mistletoe above them, Courage almost spills his drink as he looks up in shock]
Courage: Uhhhhhh…I need to go, like, right now.
[Courage backs away slowly…before sprinting back down the street. Renaldo blinks in surprise]
Renaldo: …Why, that's rather rude.
[Holly Blue Agate and Tanya Mousekewitz pass by, the former sneers at the raccoon]
Holly: How pathetic.
Renaldo: [flips the bird] Up yours, lady.
Holly: HMPH! The nerve.
Renaldo: Well…that didn't go according to plan…
[Just then, Big Macintosh, along with Haru and Juno, passes by in the opposite direction. Renaldo turns and his eyes veer down]
Renaldo: Ooooooooh, there's some potential…
[Cut to Big Mac waiting at the crosswalk for the cars to clear off the street. Renaldo sidles up to the large red stallion]
Renaldo: My, my, you're following the style perfectly, red and green, with a bit of orange mixed in.
[Big Mac looks over at the raccoon]
Big Mac: Yup.
Renaldo: I must say, I've never seen such an impressive sight before, I'm quite jealous of those gains you've got, do you happen to lift?
[Big Mac raises a brow suspiciously]
Big Mac: Yup.
Renaldo: Called it. Now, I did want to offer you something, a little token if you will.
Big Mac: M'kay?
Renaldo: You wouldn't mind sharing a…treat, would you?
[Renaldo produces the mistletoe from behind him and puts it above him, patiently waiting for the stallion's response]
Big Mac: …Nope.
[Renaldo's jaw gaps as Big Mac crosses over the road without another word]
Renaldo: CUH! Way to leave a man hanging…
[Renaldo crosses his arms indignantly as he makes his way over the crosswalk himself, making it to the other side of the street]
Renaldo: Honestly, you'd think anyone would jump at the chance to get something from me. I need to pick out someone with less…anxiety.
[Renaldo's eyes shift over to the left street, he has to do a double take as the sight of Shadow catches his eye]
Renaldo: Dark and brooding, an interesting choice…but one I dare not resist…
[With a click of his heels, Renaldo follows the hedgehog as it cuts to him sitting on a bench at a bus stop, Felix, Big, Cream, and Frankie passing by in the background. Shadow closes his eyes as he inhales the cold winter air]
Renaldo: [off-screen] Comfortable?
[Shadow blinks and then looks to his right, there sitting on the other end of the bench is Renaldo]
Shadow: And just what do you need?
Renaldo: Oh nothing much, I just couldn't help but notice you looked a bit lonely sitting all on your lonesome.
Shadow: That's oddly specific.
Renaldo: Ah, straight to the point, I see. Well, perhaps you might be interested in warming up.
Shadow: …You're up to something, aren't you?
Renaldo: Whaaaaat, me? Of course not, whatever gave you that impression?
Shadow: Your tone is incredibly transparent, and just by the look in your eye, I can tell what you want.
Renaldo: You're quite perceptive, aren't you?
Shadow: Not surprising given my current company.
Renaldo: Oof, wounding me so, perhaps it can be healed.
Shadow: Perhaps…just not by me.
[Renaldo blinks before he can pull out the mistletoe as the bus pulls up and Shadow boards it, leaving the raccoon behind]
Renaldo: …Are you fucking serious? Hooooooooooboi…this might be more difficult than I thought…
[Cut to a montage of Renaldo trying to get a kiss from the various men in town]
[Renaldo approaches Scooby-Doo, but before he can get a word in, the Great Dane slips on a piece of ice and the box of donuts he was holding flies into the air. A powdered donut lands right on top of Renaldo, coating his head fur in white powder. Scooby gives an apologetic look to the unamused raccoon, taking the donut off his head]
[Tod catches Renaldo's eye, but not two steps in approaching the red fox, Copper comes from behind him by surprise, causing Tod to gasp and then chuckle at the bloodhound. As the two walk away, Renaldo can't help but give an envious expression]
[Renaldo then tries approaching Hades who's leaning against a lamppost…right as the raccoon presents the mistletoe, the Greek God points a finger to it and burns it on the spot. Renaldo gaps as Hades walks past him with a bemused expression]
[A sequence of men pass by the camera; Hunter, Chance, Jake, Pepe, Katz, Waul, Roscoe, DeSoto, Basil, Ratigan, Fox, Wolf, Blitz, Exile, Professor Utonium, Johnny Bravo, Samurai Jack, Tramp, Buster, Balto, Steele, Ace Hart, Baron, Shining Armor, until finally reaching Falco as Renaldo tries to make a pass at him]
Falco: Not interested in being gold-dug, thank you.
[Peppy and Slippy are shown watching the spectacle and give each other a look]
[Renaldo's eye twitches as the music comes to an end]
[The scene transitions to later in the day towards evening as Renaldo is shown trudging back to his apartment with an exasperated look on his face]
Renaldo: Not one kiss…not ONE KISS in this entire town! It's just not fair, how could anyone resist this? Do I not deserve the tenderness of another man? Am I destined to remain alone forever?
[Renaldo looks at the lone mistletoe in his hand and gives a dejected whimper]
Renaldo: Hoooooo…might as well go back to the couch and watch a sappy rom-com…
[Renaldo climbs up the stairs to his apartment and then enters the room, setting his coat on the hanger before heading to the living room and plopping onto the couch]
Renaldo: Wow, this is so stimulating…who wants popcorn…oh, right, I'm the only one here…might as well get the stove ready…[sighs]...
[Renaldo slumps off the couch and heads towards the kitchen, pulling out an aluminum popcorn popper to put on the stove. As he turns the knob to start the process, the raccoon pulls out his phone with a sigh before deciding to make a post. In an attempt to hide his sullen mood, Renaldo gives a coy grin with a kissy-face as he takes a screenshot]
Renaldo: Maybe this'll get some attention…
[Renaldo posts the picture to his social media with the caption "Looking for a Good Time…"]
[He turns back to the stove as the popcorn has finished its round, slowly pulling it back]
Renaldo: Well, guess that's done and dusted, now time for the telly…
[But as Renaldo goes back to the living room and sets down the popcorn on the coffee table, his ears pick up the sound of voices coming from outside]
Renaldo: What the…?
[Renaldo goes to open the door and is surprised to see the likes of Buster Bunny, Plucky Duck, Furrball, Calamity Coyote, Arnold Pitbull, and a surprising appearance from Johnny Pew standing outside. Before he can get a word in, the raccoon is smothered to the ground by a barrage of kisses all over his face]
Renaldo: I…woof!
Buster: Not used ta' bein' on the receivin' end, are ya'?
[Plucky holds up a piece of mistletoe]
Plucky: Of course, with these babies, I'm guaranteed a smooch from anyone, and who wouldn't wanna kiss this beautiful face?
[Calamity holds up a sign that says "Most People Wouldn't" and Furrball gives a snicker. Plucky gives both of them the index finger]
Renaldo: Well, this is a pleasant surprise, so nice to finally get some proper company. And hellooooo, tall, white, and handsome, not often I see you around these parts.
Arnold: Don't spread it around, ringtail, I have a reputation to keep up.
Buster: Besides bein' a big chunky marshmallow, that is.
[Arnold bares his teeth with a snarl at the blue rabbit before Johnny swishes past him]
Johnny: He's a real sweetheart underneath, I would know.
Renaldo: Ooooooh, mind divulging a few secrets between us?
Johnny: Once we get inside, I'll show you a lot more…
[Johnny wisps his tail under Renaldo's chin as the raccoon purrs seductively. He then turns back to the others]
Renaldo: Well, come on in, no need to stand out freezin' your tails off.
Buster: Why thank you, now Plucky won't have to be cranky about the cold.
Plucky: I'm not cranky!
Buster: Whateva' you say, duckling.
Plucky: Don't call me that, carrots.
Renaldo: Watch your step, Calamity, Furrball, love the accessories goin' on…awww, don't look so down, handsome.
Arnold: [arms crossed] Hrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmm, I don't know how I got myself dragged into this.
Renaldo: You just need to warm up is all, I can help with that.
[Arnold turns away, but a faint blush appears on his face]
Renaldo: C'mooooooooon, you know you want toooooo…
Arnold: …I hate that you're right.
Renaldo: Hmmhmm, can't fault a man for trying.
[As the pitbull steps in the house, Renaldo gives a cheeky tap to his backside, causing Arnold to flinch. He tries to muster a snarl, but the look on the raccoon's face causes his ears to prick up…he wordlessly continues into the main hall]
Johnny: Hmmmmm, what kinda flick we watchin'?
Renaldo: Oh, you'll see…
[Renaldo slyly closes the door, cutting to inside of the house as the group has gathered around the couch; Buster and Plucky to the left, Furrball and Calamity to the right, Renaldo in the center with Johnny and Arnold sat down on the rug]
Renaldo: Time for some entertainment…
[Renaldo picks up the remote, winks at the camera as he presses the play button, the screen cuts to black]
Character Guide:
Renaldo Raccoon, Buster Bunny, Plucky Duck, Furrball, Calamity Coyote, Arnold the Pitbull, Johnny Pew - Tiny Toons Adventures/Looniversity
Big Macintosh, Shining Armor, Vinyl Scratch, Octavia Melody, Sunset Shimmer - My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Courage, Katz - Courage the Cowardly Dog
Falco Lombardi, Fox McCloud, Wolf O'Donnell, Slippy Toad, Peppy Hare - Star Fox
Holly Blue Agate - Steven Universe
Shadow the Hedgehog, Big the Cat, Cream the Rabbit, Lupe the Wolf - Sonic the Hedgehog
Ace Hart, Baron Von Rottweiler - Dog City
Balto, Steele - Balto (1995)
Barbie - Barbie
Basil, Professor Ratigan - The Great Mouse Detective (1986)
Blitz, Exile, Hunter - Road Rovers
Chance Furlong, Jake Clawson - SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron
Daria Morgendorffer, Jane Lane, Quinn Morgendorffer - Daria
Dexter - Dexter's Laboratory
Felix the Cat - Felix the Cat
Frankie Foster - Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends
Hades - Hercules (1997)
Haru, Juno - Beastars
Johnny Bravo - Johnny Bravo
Justin, Jenner - The Secret of NIMH (1982)
Loopy De Loop - Loopy De Loop
Pepe Le Pew, Petunia Pig - Looney Tunes
Professor Utonium - The Powerpuff Girls
Roscoe and DeSoto - Oliver and Company (1988)
Samurai Jack - Samurai Jack
Scooby-Doo - Scooby-Doo
Simba - The Lion King (1994)
Tanya Mousekewitz, Cat R. Waul - An American Tail (1986)/Fievel Goes West (1991)
Tod, Copper - The Fox and the Hound (1981)
Tramp, Buster - Lady and the Tramp (1955)/Scamp's Adventure (2001)
Rex, Mike, Bert - Thomas and Friends
