It was a nice day, Dipper has to admit he is a bit chippy as his sister noted. Sure he does have friends but having someone as a friend who is the same age and also shares his passion for paranormals? Most people he knows that are into those stuff are in their 50s. No offense to Great Uncle Ford of course.
His new friend Dib can be a bit intense, but it's nothing he hasn't handled with his grunkles. He soon regretted underestimating the Membrane boy once he went to some abandoned house during daylight for something he asked, he didn't explain why but from what he gathered he sounded excited in finding something.
Dipper enters the abandoned house and sees something ghastly "Hey Dib, how's- WHAT?!" He squawked at what he was seeing, which was Dib with a maniacal grin with the light reflecting on his goggles with a surgical knife glinting from its blade and a scared gnome with duct taped on a table who only managed to make muffing sounds from the tape on his mouth.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?! FREE HIM IMMEDIATELY!"
The Membrane boy was ignorant of his command and horrified reaction "Hey partner! I've found this thing eating in the dumpster! We can publicise our findings on him together after studying his anatomy!"
That did not make the situation any better.
"WHAT'RE YOU DOING WITH THAT GNOME!?" He threw his hands.
"Uh, vivisection? How else we gonna-"
"WE!? Nonono, there is no we! Free him!" He gestured to the trapped gnome.
Dib raised an eyebrow as the maniacal glint was lost because he was confused as to why the Pines boy wasn't excited by the prospect of documenting a supernatural creature. If anything he seemed aghast by this, "I do not understand, you look as if I was vivisecting a human being."
Dipper choked at that statement. "That would imply he isn't a conscious sentient living being or that he doesn't feel fear or pain just because he isn't human. Is that what you mean?" He narrowed his eyes judgmentally as Dib began to comprehend why his best friend was horrified.
"Do you know what kind of people hold such views? See other sentient species at best as nothing but means to end? Oh right, the IRKEN EMPIRE!" He shouted out with his hands up.
The big headed boy winced at that, he wanted to object but from what he knew of the Irken Empire he knew for a fact that other sentient beings at best are just means to an end or at worst insects to pesticide.
The Pines then glared at him suspiciously "Be level with me. Would you give the same treatment to me if I wasn't human?"
Membrane squirmed at that glare, he tried to think of something to defuse the situation, he couldn't think of anything so he just said what he first thought awkwardly "Eeeh… probably?"
Dipper's face deflated and began bridging his eyes as the Membrane stood there awkwardly knowing he gave the very wrong answer.
"Just…free Jeff before he suffers a heart attack!" He pointed at the gnome who surprisingly no longer shook or squirmed in fear, as Dib found out why so when he freed the little bearded man.
"And you humans wonder why we live hiding away from you." Jeff huffed and walked away, sharing Dipper's distaste.
Dipper after rubbing his head then said in an air of finality "And no vivisection on sentient beings, not even Zim, or else we can't be friends!"
"I…" Dib sighs with a finger before it comes down in defeat and looks down in shame "Fine."
Gaz was now playing Game Slayer inside the Shack, she didn't want to be in this "Hack of a roadside trap" as she would call it, but the banning was going to soon end and as much as she hated it, she rather spend in one of Dib's nonsensical adventures than with other Skool Children, the motel which had no wifi with access to only local channels and at least the Pines aren't 'drooling zombies' as she would describe her Skoolmates or spending time with Miss Bitter the Crone Dinosaur who is one of the few people who can actually intimidate Gaz or Mr Elliot that bubbling crackhead.
"Argh! Stupid banning system dad made!" Gaz snarled at her Game Slayer and put it back in her pocket.
Mabel, who was near her, took notice.
"Wait, how are you banned from playing Game Slayer if you still have it?"
"My dad had the genius idea of putting a timer on it for an hour for every day I use it and believe me," she said, glaring at the monitor of the Game Slayer "I tried to remove that stupid program."
It showed the cartoonish figure of her dad moving a finger left and right in 'ah ah ah! You didn't say the magic word!' expression.
She then growled "And, why are you even here? Want another round with your Grappling Hook?" as she pointed at the bump on her head
Mabel saw and told her the reason why "I think we started on the wrong foot."
"Try the wrong head," she sneered, making the Pines roll her eyes.
"Oh for the love of Sally- just take this as a peace offering!" She held Waddles and showed them to her.
At first Gaz was gonna say something mean and rude until she saw Waddles in front of her face as she then held her. An alien feeling dawned on her as her eyes sparkled 'Is this what it feels like to find something cute?' She internally wondered.
She only had it for a minute and already decided that Waddles is worth it.
"I will kill for you, I will kill everyone and then myself if anything happens to you."
The Pines girl gushed "Aw! We are now best- " she tried to hug Gaz who visibly changed mood and repulsed away and threatened her with violence.
"Hug me and I'll knock your teeth out with one punch." she gestured with a fist which said enough to backaway.
'Baby steps…' Mabel was not gonna quit trying to be friends with her.
Things were now tense and awkward between Dib and Dipper as they were now in the Mystery Shack, each one trying to think of a way to break the ice.
'Oh what do I do? What do I do??' He thought and thought in worry on what to do, Dipper was the only best friend he ever had who didn't mock him for his interest and he did not want to lose him.
' Maybe I was too harsh on him? I mean, from what I've heard of his ventures, his experience with supernaturals is not exactly stellar, dammit why am I so ITCHY on this!?' Dipper being Dipper was thinking in circles in his mind.
Both Boys at the same time opened their mouths and tried to say something only to stop seeing the other was trying to speak as well, they went silent only to try again.
"I- "
"Well I- "
Dib and Dipper tried respectively but the Pines boy then said something else as he felt a sharp pinch on the back of his neck "Ow, I feel..OOOOH!" His eyes began to dilate and he stood there motionlessly.
The Membrane boy wasn't sure to react so he replied unsurely
"Uh, buddy?"
No reaction, he shook his hand up and down near his face "Dude? You're okay?"
"WOO YEAH!"
Dib yelped at the sudden outburst which got everyone's attention, Dipper began walking like a drunk toward Wendy who looked away from her magazine " Never stop your Lumberjack training, oh who am I kidding when you have the genes!"
"Uhm, thanks dude?" Wendy didn't know how to react to that "Are you okay?"
Dipper in response jumped up on the cashier table "Never better! This is how I'm feeling!" He grabbed both of her cheeks and did something that made everyone slack jawed.
MMMMWAH!
He gave a very long kiss.
Afterward, Wendy's mouth gaped in shock with a slight blush on her face at what Dipper just did, not being able to comprehend what just happened. The Pines boy giggled at her reaction and spirited away like he was high on a smile dip to the outdoor dancing.
Everyone looked incredulous at what just happened. But none as incredulous as Wendy who could only utter "...Whot!?"
Gaz gave an eyebrow at what she saw "Someone is in high spirits."
Stan gave an exhausted sigh and bridged his nose "Okay, I'll bite. What is it? Possession? Shapeshifter? Mind Control disc? Is he on drugs?"
Things got stranger, Stan then began dilating his eyes and then changed mood quickly who then was being seen stealing everything in a possessive manner from merchandise to even objects he already owned while keep chanting with a crazed frenzy.
"MINE! mine! Minemineminemine!"
He was currently greedily holding merchandise and other assorted junk putting them in the kitchen turning it into some sort of holding nest place akin to a stealing crow's nest.
Mabel weirded out by this as this was weird even for Stanley asked cautiously "Uh, Grunkle Stan?"
Stan's head snapped back toward her and then sprinted toward her fast, taking her by surprise as he then snatched Gaz's Game Slayer.
"Hey!" The purple haired girl objected in anger.
"Mine!" The conman hissed and then raced away to his nest.
Gaz gritted her teeth and tried to walk toward the old thrive with her fists clenched until he was stopped by Dib and Mabel respectively holding her.
"Gaz don't- !"
"He's my Grunkle!"
The Purple Membrane seethed and pushed their hands away as once again this week people dared to insult her "I swear if I don't beat someone's ass once a while, everyone would forget who I am!"
The big headed Membrane was gonna say something to Ford who was also befuddled by this only for him who seemed in a hurry pushed him away and raced with a condescending tone.
"Outta the way young man! I have more important and universally saving things to do than babysit!"
Mabel by this point was losing herself as she shouted to the heavens "WHAT'S HAPPENING!?"
"Beats me dude!" Wendy commented sharing his incredibility as well with all that was happening, until she gave a yawn
"I feel suddenly... .so tired." After saying that, to their alarm Wendy fell on the cashier table with an audible bang.
Mabel peeked at her to see what happened "Wen? Wen!?"
"I feel so tired that I can't move a muscle…" the Corduroy muttered in an exhausted tone.
Unfortunately, this day was gonna get weirder as Soos rushed in and broke the vending machine and then began eating the snacks without even wasting time to unopen them, gorging himself on them in a barbaric fashion that would make a bear's eating look eloquent.
As it wasn't bad enough, soon Gir showed up hearing to commotion to see what was going on
"Heyoo! Mr Gopher man is eating his meal! Let me join too!" and Gir being Gir, thought all of this was some game. So the deranged Sir Unit then joined the eating as Dib and Mabel repulsed audibly.
Gaz showed her disgust with her teeths "I've officially lost my appetite."
Dib gagged and shared his sister's disgust "I think I'm gonna be sick…!" He went green and held his mouth from the coming bile to not throw up.
Mabel then recalled her brother was not present "Where's Dipper?"
Her answer left unanswered as realization hit the big headed boy "Wait a moment…"
Pointed at the ever hungry Soos who was now chewing on a neck pillow from one of the merchandise
"Gluttony."
Then pointed at the half-asleep Wendy
"Sloth."
Next to Stan who still kept saying "mine!" Profusely who was stealing everything he was seeing, even the skeleton of that weird unicorn turtle which the Pines used as a table.
"Greed."
Subsequently, he pointed at Ford who was now making a mathematical equation about how the world would stop spinning if it weren't for him.
"Pride!" He concluded with widened eyes "These are the 7 sins! They're cursed!"
And Mabel also concluded recalling how Un-Dipper Dipper acted "And Dipper must be Lust from how cocoey he acted!" She slapped both hands on her cheeks before then frowned and left it "But why is Dipper getting Lust? I'm the twin who had a disastrous summer romance last year and went on a Boyz Crazy mood, that restraining order from the Corduroys's muscular, well made and delicious looking bodies…" her tone briefly to that of a hungry shark that just tasted blood making Dib alarmed by that change of demeanour enough to step back before the Pines reverted back "can attest that."
"I don't think the curses come by themselves, they must be through a mean…" Dib while pondering he also silently thanked whatever merciful grand power that rules the cosmos that Gaz never had a Boyz Crazy phase, because he was sure it would end in broken bones and an even more ill-tempered and horrifying Gaz that would turn their lives into a horror flick.
"But where is Envy and Wrath?" He put a hand on his chin, his answer soon came from the growling sound of a purple beast.
"GRRRRRR!"
Dib and Mabel glanced with the first saying "Uh oh."
Gaz was growling like a wild animal and fisted her hands very hard. "I'M SO MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!" she roared so hard that high heavens could hear it and resulting in Dib scared and with a yelp hide behind Mabel who cautiously pointed her grappling hook in alarm "D- don't do anything stupid, I'll shoot you again!"
Gaz with heavy and gradual stumps walked each step made the wooden floor screech as she came closer with madden eyes.
"I- I uh mean it!" Mabel's grip on her weapon shook a bit, she was starting to see why Dib was scared of his little sister.
The said little sister walked menacingly with heavy steps until her pacing got faster causing Dib to squirm and Mabel to tighten her hold on her projectile weapon to her chest.
The former shouted with his eyes closed and hands in a defensive position "Don't hurt me!"
Luckily for them, Gaz changed course and repeatedly smacked on a wooden wall, blowing out all her pent up frustrations on the poor wood to the point that it cracked as she growled, after this she stopped and breathed rigidly.
Membrane boy opened his eyes and carefully came near her like he was coming near an injured wild animal "Uh…Gaz? Are you okay?
"I'm LESS ANGRY now…." She huffed and puffed "I'm in control now…"
"How did you do that?" The Pines girl inquired in surprise on how she managed to control herself.
"Because I'm angry all the time!" The purple haired girl growled.
Then, Dib saw something glinting from an opened window which made him react fast "LOOK OUT!" Dib pushed the Pines away in nick of time as a dart missed him and hit Waddles from its back making it oinked in exclamation.
Afterward, the pig looked at the humans oddly which followed by it then tried mimicking standing up on both legs each attempted failed as he keep falling on all 4
Mabel gushed with both hands together "Awww, he's trying to stand on both legs!"
"I guess, Waddles is envious of others being bipedal?" Dib titled his head.
They looked at where the dart came and saw the brief moment of something moving, Dib had an idea.
"GIR! Catch the rainbow pug outside!" He pointed to the window.
Gir stopped eating "Ooooh, I LOVE PUGGY!" The crazed robot then activated his thrusters and moved fast to the outdoors through the open window, the sound of a familiar screeching could be heard and then there was a floating mini-moose which floated around.
Mabel uttered in befuddlement of seeing the strange creature "A…mini-moose?" Not knowing how correctly she guessed its name.
"Zim!" Dib uttered in certainty. The group went outside of the Shack, on their way an adult woman that was Soos's wife came in greeting them.
"Oh hi Mabel! I just came back from Portland- " her greeting reached an immediate end when she saw Soos acting like a hungry gopher on a half-opened fridge, Stan in a mad frenzy stealing any object he could touch, Wendy moaning how tired she is as her head was on the table side way and Ford finishing his madding equation which had a bunch of mumbo jumbos from earth being flat equals a triangle with one eye to Abraham Lincoln being a T-Rex and the World on the side of an giant Axolotl with a crazed dishevelled look to prove to everyone in the shack.
"And that's why I'm always right and you all social media addicted troglodytes should listen to me without question!"
"WHAT IN THE- !" Melody shouted in shock until Mabel interrupted her.
"Oh hi Melody! Don't worry, they are just cursed with 7 Sins!" She said cheerfully as she with two other kids Melody didn't recognize moves passed her before she could protest, leaving her to handle this mess as she saw.
' I knew this was getting too normal…' she internally groused.
Outside they saw a certain green alien bug struggling to get Gir off him "OFF ME TRAITOROUS TRASH COMPACTOR OAF!" seeing the humans he gave a spiteful growl "MINIMOOSE!"
"Nyah." The floating creature squeaked.
"ACTIVATE YOUR DARK ENERGY WEAPONRY!"
Just then, Minimoose glowed purple and opened up into multiple pieces cackling with a purple energy and charging, clearly pointing at the meddlesome humans while Zim closed his eyes with a grin. One of the humans that was Gaz was too angry to care so she took a random rock on the ground and hit it at Minimoose with a loud bang, after which the Minimoose stopped charging and reverted back to its original form looking sad.
"Nyah." You didn't need to understand its catch phrase to know that it basically translated to it having its feeling hurt.
"Eh? Minimoose? Why there isn't any big boom?" Zim opened his eyes and met three hairless primate monsters glaring at him hatefully this time much closer to him, the purple demon Gaz who looked even more murderous than previous times that he saw her mad, the disfigured big headed mutant Dib and the Female Dib-Clone Mabel making Zim jump out back and exclaimed.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
" What did you do to my best friend/Bro!?" Both Dib and Mabel demanded with seethe simultaneously while Gaz kept barking with foams at him like a rabid hound.
Zim quickly made a defiant statement "NEVER! Zim will not spill his squeedily spooch!"
Mabel in confusion gave a weird look "don't you mean your guts?"
"ZIM HAS NO SMELLY BLADDERING GUTS!"
Dib informed Mabel of her confusion "He may actually mean that his biology is so weird that he melts by mere water which is like 75 percent of this planet."
The Irken felt offended and elaborated "Nonsense! It is not water but your disgusting pollutant chemicals which you apelings fart out, how you wretched vermines ever managed to set foot on your moon before melting by your warming stupidity on your only planet is beyond- " he immediately stopped talking when he realized he just spilled out his weakness and Dib was taking notes quite literally.
"Wait no! ZIM WILL NOT REVEAL IRKEN EMPIRE'S SECRETS!" He brought his blaster only for it to be swiped away by a very angry Gaz who then held him by his collar and slammed him to the nearest tree.
Zim squirmed from seeing Gaz's rabid look and tried to reason his way out "Eep, have I ever mentioned that Guerrilla warfare suits you?"
"GRAAAAH!"
"AAAAAAAH!"
Gaz gave a savage growl as Zim screeched in fear knowing this was going to be very painful.
