Chapter 24 - Year 4, part 5

December 26th, 1994

She couldn't think of a time when she had ever been so happy to leave Hogwarts, as the following morning after a breakfast she hadn't attended.

She hadn't been able to leave her bed for anything but going to the toilet or packing up her stuff to leave.

Ginny had been so kind to her. Apparently, all of her friends had heard about what had happened the night prior - both with Viktor and Draco - meaning that she didn't have to explain her absence or behaviour to them. Because they knew.

When it was time to leave, Ginny had simply come into her dormitory, grabbed her trunk and snaked her arm through her own, before descending the stairs with her and giving her over to Harry who welcomed her with open arms. How her trunk had made its way to the train, she didn't know because she hadn't pulled it.

To be fair, she wasn't even sure how she had made it onto the train.

It was like she was in a trance.

She felt nothing. She smiled at nothing. Didn't laugh. Didn't answer back Zabini's rude comments about her hair (which had lost some of it's less-curlyness from the night before) or derogatory referrals to her blood.

She simply didn't care.

She hadn't slept that night - only sobbed under silencing-charms until she had run out of tears.

Maybe that was what it was? She had run out…

She didn't care.

After the endless crying, followed the numbness.

She didn't want to feel anything right now anyway, and for once in her life, she was happy not to.

Being numb was a welcome feeling.

At some point Ginny had put a sandwich in her lap, but she had only nibbled at it. Hadn't been able to stomach anything more than that.

When they at long last arrived in London, she had exited the train, found William and grandma - who had sent William some long questioning glances - and gone home.

She didn't know what day it was and she didn't care.

All she knew was that it hurt.

It was like her heart was inside out, pumping all of the blood in her body into thin blue air instead of around her veins and arteries. She was constantly tired, nauseous, hurting and sad. So, so sad.

Her parents thought she had caught a stomach-bug until William one evening had told them about Draco. About her putting her heart on the line, only for it to be ripped out of her and thrown to the snakes. She hadn't been there at the moment, had been outside feeding the chickens, but by the looks on their faces when she got back in, she knew what had been said.

She ignored it, and went back up into her room where she would do nothing but lie in silence.

The days at home blended together after that. If someone asked, she wouldn't have been able to tell them what she had had for dinner on New Years, because she didn't know.

What she did know was that there were days where she would fall asleep on her bedroom floor, emotionally, physically and magically exhausted, only to wake up in William's bed, in his arms. She didn't purposefully go to his bed to sleep, but somehow that ended up being the only place she could get a somewhat-decent sleep.

Somehow, he became her safespace when she didn't know she needed it…

She didn't want to go back to Hogwarts. She didn't want to go back to a place where he wouldn't be able to protect her.

She never wanted to leave.

January 4th, 1995

Thank Merlin and all heavens above, the first day of term was Wednesday. She only had to survive Charms which thankfully wasn't a class shared with the Slytherins.

Beyond that, she would normally have a study session with said Slytherins, but she had every intention of not going.

Regarding Krum, well, she simply couldn't go to the library alone and refused to spend any time there unless to pick up books or hand them back in. There weren't many places beyond that, that she tended to see or meet him. Not unless going for walks by the lake, while he did his swims.

That morning, she completely ignored the green table and all of their occupants and positioned herself with her back to them - Neville on one side and Daniel on the other. Harry was sitting on the other side with his arm around Ginny's shoulder while Natacha sat there mocking them with kissing-noises.

She was happy for them, she really, really was. But at the same time, she wanted to dig herself into a hole and stay there for the rest of her life.

Charms was a breeze, but she didn't participate much. She may have started answering her friends or conversing in general, but she still felt oddly emotionless. She talked to them because she felt bad about ignoring them, not because she actually wanted to talk.

If she could go through a day and not talk to anyone, she would be thrilled.

Lunch came along without incidents and so did dinner. No hidden notes, no pull at her arms or demand for her attention. She was simply let be.

Though, she did have the feeling of being watched at all times. Who it was, she didn't know, and she didn't actually care at the moment.

After dinner she walked with her friends to the common room where she positioned herself in an armchair closest to the fire and stayed there for the rest of the night.

But she knew the next day couldn't go as smoothly.

January 5th, 1995

After the first break of the day, she made her way for Ancient Runes… with Draco.

She went into the classroom as always and found him sitting at their shared table.

I think I really like you.

She swallowed hard at the thought of their encounter at the ball and the following fallout.

She had already anticipated him acting completely normal and had planned accordingly.

Therefore, she took the seat at the other side of the room, and put her bag up on the seat beside her making sure that there would be no room for anyone to sit. She could feel his eyes digging into her head as she did so.

Please don't look at me, I can't stand it. Please.

Professor Babbling started her class with an introduction of the new rune-language they would be covering the next couple of months, assigned reading materials that would be their coming homework and sat them to translate. There would be no reason to team up today, though you could if you wanted.

Thank Merlin. She thought to herself though there were parts of her deep within that wanted nothing more than to move to her normal seat.

"Can I sit here?"

She almost jumped at the verbal intrusion and turned her head to the voice. Draco looked at her with eyes so full of hope that it was almost breaking her heart all over again.

Almost.

She could still mentally see it on the ground, bleeding out slowly.

Can't break something that's already broken. Right?

Yes! "No." She simply said, in a voice so cold she was surprised it had even come out of her.

"But-"

Please sit down! Please for the love of Merlin, sit down! "No." She stated, and turned away from him, returning to the work she had been about to start.

With tears starting to well up in her eyes, she heard his footsteps disappear from her table and go back to his own. Not here. She begged them and they slowly disappeared back from where they had come.

She didn't look at him again that day, and she didn't meet him and his friends to study after dinner. But she wanted to. She wanted to, so much it physically hurt her to keep sitting by the fireplace with her friends instead of in their designated empty classroom.

January 6th, 1995

Please help me with my charms essay! I'll be in the study room after dinner. He won't be coming.

Why?

They both knew he was perfectly capable of doing his own Charm's work, yet she still slipped a note with her displeased agreement as they left by the end of Potions class on Friday.

So why did he need her help?

And why did he feel the need to tell her that he wasn't going to be there?

She slowly entered their study room and looked around before closing the door softly behind her.

"He's not here. Don't worry." Theo stated in a tired voice from the middle of the room where he was staring at some parchment.

"You… know?" she asked in a quiet voice, surprised at how raspy it sounded. She slowly made her way to the chair she normally occupied, noting that there were still five chairs around the two large tables. Like they were still expecting her.

She hadn't thought that her heart could break any further, but apparently, she had been wrong.

"Yeah… Heard you by the stairs as you were leaving, after seeing you come in from the Courtyard. Watching Pansy and Draco just after… Let's just say, Pansy wasn't slow to tell the entire house what they had done. Though, I think your involvement has been… contained." His voice sounded strained. Like he had too much built-up anger and needed an outlet. "She's been real foul and he doesn't do shit about it."

So that's why he wasn't here. This wasn't another trap.

"But you knew about the… the terrace?" She stammered slightly, she looked to the side at the windows as she felt tears prickling again.

"It was my idea - he didn't know anything about it. I just told Potter to get you outside and I would fix the rest. Unfortunately, Pansy couldn't be without her 'Drakey' for more than a couple of minutes and I couldn't think of excuses from the back of my head to hold her back."

We were so close…

"Thank you for trying, Theo. Truly." She said in a low voice and withdrew her Charms books to help him. "Now what did you need help with?"

"I didn't. I just can't focus when the others either talk all the time or compete in eating eachothers faces. But the scribble of a pen on parchment is comforting - so feel free to work on whatever you'd like. I really just wanted your company - silent or not." He sent her a knowing look, and she was once again so thankful for his honesty and friendship.

"Thank you." She choked.

"You're welcome Sweetpea." He smiled at her, dimples and all, and bent down to write his essay.

February 23rd, 1995

Her days started getting into a routine after that. In Ancient Runes she simply ignored his existence. Their professor had luckily noticed that something was amiss and started pairing all of them up at random. "It's good to try out something new! It forces your mind to work in new ways!" She had reasoned, though Hermione suspected that it was all for her.

She was endlessly grateful for it.

In Arithmancy, Hermione moved her seat to simply sit by herself while Draco and Theo sat as they had before the three of them had worked their shit out last year. She had yet to be forced into a group with them, and was again, very thankful for it.

Care for magical Creatures, Potions and Astronomy proved to not be a problem either. She just stayed in her lane and they stayed in theirs. No harm done there.

Breakfast, lunch and dinner proved to be her weak spot. She had gotten so used to sitting in a way that gave her direct vision of Draco at all times if she simply looked up, but now sitting with her back to him felt anxiety-inducing and almost claustrophobic. It was like she was locked into this one seat, and couldn't move.

Though her friends knew what was going on and why she kept sitting the same way, she knew it would only be a matter of time before she felt compelled to sit on the opposite side… And then it would all be inevitable.

But for today, it was sort of alright.

She was too focused to care much anyway, seeing as the next trial was tomorrow and she was desperately helping Harry find a way to stay underwater for an hour.

She never wanted for anyone to get sick… But as Professor Babbling suddenly found herself ill and no substitute-teacher had been available, her class for the day had been cancelled. She was mentally shouting her thanks to the heavens as she sat down in the library with Neville, Daniel and Harry. They were surrounded by so many books and rolls of parchments that she had never seen anything like it - except for when she studied for several exams at once.

"Body-transfiguration, Gilly-weed and Bubblehead… Anything else at this point?" Harry asked, sounding thoroughly exhausted.

Neville closed his book with a huff and leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed in resignation. "Not that I can think of."

"Let's discuss it then! What's wrong with Transfiguration?" Daniel reasoned.

"Too hard and too dangerous. One wrong move with a wand and you'd be forced to live your life without one nostril or an ear." Hermione reasoned, also both exhausted and done with the endless discussions about what to do.

"Bubblehead?"

"We tried. It's too difficult to learn at such short notice." Hermione, once again reasoned.

"Gillyweed?"

"Out of season," Neville said before continuing; "Short of stealing it from Snape, it'll be next to impossible to get our hands on now."

At the word 'steal' all eyes turned to Hermione. "What? I'm not bloody stealing from Snape!" She whispered to her friends as she looked around for Madam Pince. "Have you gone mental?"

That seemed to get their attention and they each grunted their agreement and resignation to the fact that she may have a point.

"I mean-" She started, as she inspected a snowflake that landed on the window beside them and descended the window as a drop of water. She almost heard the crack in Harry's neck as his head whipped towards her. "I'm not going to steal anything from Professor Snape… But I know someone who might get the opportunity."

"Are you sure that's wise?" The inquiry was fair and tainted with equal measures of mischief and scolding. She wouldn't have expected anything less from him.

"Unless you want to teach him the Bubblehead Charm right now?"

William looked to the ceiling like he was praying for a miracle, then he grimaced. "You're right. That'll be a mess." His hand went up to scratch his chin in thought.

He didn't answer for some time and Hermione was starting to lose her faith in the idea. "You know what? It's a bad idea and I refuse to steal from a teacher - from anyone really. What I will do is bring you down with me now - we'll have about ten minutes before the rest starts showing up, and we'll ask him for it together. You get much longer with honesty than trickery, Hermione." He finished, and she didn't think she had ever gotten such a thorough dress down in her life. Not one that she felt so rightfully placed, that is.

The way down to the dungeons had never felt so long in her entire schooling and her hands got clammier and clammier for each step they took downwards.

William knocked on the door sooner than she expected and before she was mentally ready, but as Snape called 'Enter!' from within, there would be no turning back.

William gave her a reassuring smile as he opened the door to her, and stepped in behind her.

"Ms. Granger - Mr. Granger? Well, this certainly is a surprise. Is there anything I can help you with?" He smiled at them and leaned back casually in his chair to give them this full attention.

"Hermione and her friends were just talking about the task tomorrow, Professor, and they came to me because they thought I might know where to find some Gillyweed - since it is out of season. Well, I suggested that maybe you would have a vial to spare for Harry to use tomorrow, Sir."

"I do have a couple of vials laying somewhere…" He said thoughtfully as he looked from her to her brother, and back again. It felt like he was looking right through them.

"Ms. Granger, do you remember what we talked about last year? About Advanced Potions?"

She felt her brother shift beside her. "Yes? Sir?"

"Well, I'll cut you a deal, since I expect you asking for such a rare plant is because you have run out of other options?" She nodded slowly. "I'll give you the Gillyweed if you'll agree to meet me for one advanced class a week, for the next month. After that, you can tell me if that's something you want to continue doing, or not. Alright?" He finished and looked an awful lot like a Cheshire cat as he smirked back at the teenagers.

She didn't have to think for very long about it, and thrust her hand towards her professor. "Deal."

His smirk turned into a full smile as he shook her hand. "I'll make sure Mr. Potter gets the Gillyweed before the task, ms. Granger, and I'll take a look at your schedule and let you know when we'll be meeting."

"Yes Sir. Thank you." She smiled and she and her brother turned around to leave before his class would start to arrive outside the door.

"Oh, and Granger?"

"Sir?" She and her brother echoed as they turned around per reflex.

"5 points from Gryffindor, for trying to talk your brother into stealing from a professor, and 5 points to Hufflepuff, for not doing it." His voice was steady, but his eyes shone with mirth.

"Yes Sir." Hermione grinned and left with her brother at her tail. As the door closed behind them she turned on her brother; "How the hell did you just Huffpuff that?"

"I told you, you would get further with honesty than trickery, Hermione. That's just the 'Puff way!"

Hermione chuckled as the sound of footsteps started sounding through the hallway. "I'm sure it is. Thanks, though."

"Anytime." He winked and leaned against the wall, looking like he had been here for hours.

Soon after, Hermione met her friends at DADA and told them about Snape helping them.

Knowing that the task for tomorrow was taken care of, she, Neville, Daniel and Harry spent the night in their tower casually hanging out with the rest of the Gryffindors. Ginny was lounging on the floor with her head on Harry's lap while the boy himself played Ludo against Neville and Hermione. Daniel was hanging halfway off the couch with a book on his chest, fast asleep.

She was just about to call in when one of the Creevey boys told her that Dumbledore needed her and Daniel at his office.

Frowning at the request as Harry poked Daniel in the side with his wand. The boy instantly fell to the floor. After having explained to Daniel why they had forced him out of his slumber, he and Hermione got up to go there. "Don't wait up for me - I'll see you tomorrow morning." She said as goodbye and waved to her friends as they exited the portrait.

February 24th, 1995

It was cold…

Breathing felt… Weird… and wet.

Everything felt wet.

Why was it -

Hermione woke with a start at the fear that she had peed in her bed, only to look into but dark, deep waters.

It was everywhere!

She felt the darkness of the terrifying waters zoom in on her from all sides and felt like she couldn't breathe.

But she couldn't actually breathe!

Why couldn't she breathe?!

She was thrashing in panic, but she couldn't move!

There was something slippery around her ankle but she couldn't move her legs! She couldn't get it off! Why couldn't she get it off?!

Mentally she was hysterically sobbing.

She couldn't move anything - could only look on as her body swayed in the water and turned around its own axis, pushed by the silent current.

But why couldn't she move?!

What was she even doing there in the first place?

Was she dead?

Was this what death felt like? Floating around in endless emptiness?

"HELP!" She tried to scream, but nothing but bubbles left her mouth. "HEEEELP!"

The current pushed her once more, and she screamed mentally, panicky and horrified.

There was Daniel - eyes closed and head fallen down to the side. Ellinor was there as well, and so was Fleur's sister. All of them were in the same position. Like they were sleeping. Or in a coma.

Or dead.

She felt her throat start to constrict and her vision blackened at the edges as she panicked more and more.

She couldn't be dead!

There was so much she hadn't done! Harry needed her help! He needed both her AND Daniel AND Neville, and the two of them couldn't be there for him if they were DEAD!

And what about Draco?

What about Draco?

She never really got a chance.

They never even tried.

And now she was dead

The night continued in the same way. She would wake up, Panic, semi-hyperventilate at the thought of being dead too soon and then pass out for an unknown amount of time.

But it was during her last blackout that memories started floating to the front of her mind.

Of sitting in Dumbledore's office having tea with Daniel, Fleur's sister - what was her name again? - and Ellinor.

They were talking about the second Task.

About going into the lake.

Ellinor looked angry to say the least and Daniel looked to be mentally halfway towards the door already, when suddenly it all went to blackness, and she once again woke up in what she now knew was the lake.

And it was lighter.

With a renewed calmness, she realised that the sun must be rising.

Once she got out of shit bloody lake, she would never ever step foot in it again.

Merlin, she hated Dumbledore and she intended to let him know how badly he had fucked up by forcing her into the lake.

She remembered telling him that she didn't want to be a part of it. That she didn't want anything to do with Krum anymore.

That she certainly wasn't his prize.

Chills were all across her body and she hated it.

She wanted out!

I don't want to be here anymore! She mentally begged for whoever would hear her. Anyone.

But no one heard her.

Hours later, after the merpeople started waking up from the rocks that she had not acknowledged were houses, the singing started.

It was beautiful, enchanting, and she absolutely hated every second of it.

She was floating with her back to the houses when their singing changed. It became more aggressive, more demanding. More of a calling… Like a siren calling someone to their death and salvation, all at once.

Panic started rising in her again.

She couldn't see them.

She didn't know what they were doing.

Suddenly, she felt something grab her hand and she desperately tried janking it back, but it didn't work.

She still couldn't move.

The hand disappeared, but instead a face with a black halo appeared directly in front of her face.

"HARRY!" She screamed in shock and relief. "You found us! Please get me out, Harry, please, please, PLEASE get me out!" She mentally sobbed, her eyes going wide with urgency.

He met her eyes, the connection between them so deep it was like he could see into her soul, but she wasn't an occlumens and he most certainly wasn't a legilimens.

He nodded towards the other, before caressing her cheek once, and let go of her. She knew, of course she knew that he needed to check on the others. Figure out what to do with all of them. But inside, she was screaming at him to not leave her. To not ever let go of her.

The current pushed her around and then she was suddenly flying through the water. How the hell did one fly through water?!

She didn't know how, but she found herself somehow doing it anyway.

It was when her face hit the surface that she realised she wasn't flying. She was being dragged.

Gasping she looked around to figure out where precisely she was, when she felt hands on her hips, holding her firmly.

"I got you. I got you." Came Viktor's gruff voice. Maybe it was supposed to be soothing, but it ended up having the exact opposite effect on her. She started kicking and pushing.

"Let go of me! Let GO!"

Anything and everything to get away from him.

She must have hit him somewhere uncomfortably, for he suddenly let go of her and she pushed herself as far away from him, using his chest as a leverage with her feet.

Looking around, she saw some sort of platform not too far from them, and instantly started swimming against it. Viktor time and time again tried to help her, but she refused. She may be weighed down by her wet clothes, but she was no damn damsel in distress.

She could take care of herself.

Her hands finally touched the steps up to the platform, and she was instantly pulled upwards and almost drowned in blankets. It was a more comfortable death than what she thought had happened to her, for the entire night. Looking towards Viktor, she quickly scrambled further away from him.

The look he sent her was purely territorial.

"Hermione!" Ginny gushed and hugged her close. Hermione tried to bask in the love of her friend, but it was hard to go from something as cold, dark and eerie as the Black Lake, to someone as warm and loving as Ginny.

Fleur stood somewhere - also covered in blankets - but white as a sheet and looking out over the waters like she was lost.

Hermione stood up and hurried as close to the edge of the platform as she dared, looking for Harry, William, Ellinor and Daniel. All the while, Madam Pomfrey urged for her to sit down and let her look her over.

She didn't have the time to sit down at the moment.

Then William emerged with Ellinor. He lifted one arm in victory while the other was securely wrapped around his girlfriend. But he didn't look happy… He kept looking down into the waters. Something must have been said between the two of them, for they suddenly started making their way towards the platform.

They made it all the way to where Hermione helped them get up and wrapped up in hugs and blankets when Harry FINALLY breached the surface of the lake, dragging Daniel and the French girl behind him.

Fleur started sobbing and shouting in French beside them, scrambling to get as close to her sister as she could.

As Hermione and William hugged each other closer, she understood exactly why Fleur was so upset.

As the task came to an end and the points were rewarded, Harry found himself tied on first place with William, and looking more hopeful than ever that this would all be over soon.

Author note:

Song for this chapter:
Helium - Sia

playlist/1P5krpjY9txJkVXx1kTMJO?si=aa47171deb0f44fb