Author note: There seems to have been some issue with the uploading of this chapter. In its place, chapter 25 have been shown twice. Thank you to the person, who let me know about this!

Chapter 26 - Year 4, part 7

March 7th, 1995

The Gryffindors were sitting at their breakfast table, discussing the classes and homeworks for the day. It was Friday, and they were all looking forward to having a relaxing weekend where the weather would finally be warming up a bit.

The last week had been a mixture of heavy rain and cute little drizzles, but it was enough for anyone who went outside, would go back inside completely drenched.

She hated it.

She hated feeling equally clammy and disgusting, yet too hot and too emotional.

She hated that the classes were starting to really pick up since exams would be coming in a few months. But at the same time, it kept her mind and time occupied… Two things that at the moment were both very good, and very bad.

She hated the attention that the damn article from last week had given her. But looking at the pile of letters in front of her, she was actually just happy that the Howlers had finally stopped coming. Maybe people weren't that mad at her anymore?

Also, she hated the looks that Draco had sent her throughout the week. Like he wanted to talk to her, but thought better of it every time.

She fucking hated it.

"Alright, so before you disintegrate into the ground and leave the school a smouldering hole, I'm going to take these, and I'll get rid of them." Harry said, and snatched up all of the letters, stuffing them into his bag.

"I'll give you disintegrate…" She muttered and took a bite of her oatmeal.

March 8th, 1995

Hermione, Ginny, Daniel, Harry and Neville were sitting by the lake, enjoying their recent Hogsmeade haul. The weather was so nice today, and Hermione was happy to confirm that Spring had finally arrived in the Scottish Highlands and she was living for it.

They had brought a blanket with them and Ginny had been the very first to throw herself down on it, almost taking up half of it all by herself. With a small light, Hermione used her foot to push the girl out of the way before sitting down.

The group sat in comfortable silence eating each of their favourites from Honeydukes. Hermione stuffed a Chocolate frog into her mouth, humming in delight.

"Are you better now?" Harry asked.

"Mmhm." She hummed in acknowledgement, her eyes closed as she savoured the sweetness as if it was running directly through her veins.

"Great - Because here comes the trouble." He continued.

"What-?" She opened an eye, straining against the bright sunlight and used her hand as shade. Looking across the lawn, she saw Krum walking towards them. He looked awfully confident. "Ugh, and I was having such a good day." She groaned and flopped down on the blanket in resignation.

Moments later, he arrived and spoke in his gruff voice: "'Mione, I need to talk to you."

"No, you don't. Get lost, Krum, I think you've said enough to her already." Harry said from where he was leaning casually against a tree, with a defence book leaning against his legs. He hadn't lifted his eyes from the book, not wanting to give the Bulgarian bonbon any more attention than absolutely necessary.

"Get… Lost?" Krum repeated, like he didn't know what the phrase meant.

"Get lost. Move. Bugger off. Hit the road. Use whatever synonym you see fitting, just get out of here." Ginny answered, sounding incredibly bored.

Though Hermione was doing an internal happy dance because of her friend's defence of her, she looked the essence of calm and collected as she looked up at him.

He looked angry, yet surprised.

"I didn't know your social circle was so bad 'Mione." He growled.

"Don't worry Viktor - it'll be much better once you leave. Also, I'm spending time with my friends right now, so I can't talk."

She heard Daniel and Harry snort simultaneously as Viktor narrowed his eyes at her. But then the look in his eyes suddenly changes, like he had flipped a switch. He smiled softly down on her

"Come on, they're not your real friends. They just like spending time with you since you're so smart. I see them in the library all the time, complaining about you not being there to help them. That's all you are to them 'Mione. Now let's go, we have some things to talk about."

There was a split second or two in her mind where she almost thought about standing up to go to him, but she stopped herself. What kind of bullshit was he pulling on her right now? Was he that stupid? Was she?

"I'm sorry that a world famous Quidditch star like yourself finds it so hard to believe - but I do have friends, and I very much enjoy spending time with them. Something that you're ruining right now."

His eyes narrowed on her once again, the smile all gone. "Why are you so upset 'Mione? Why are you acting like such a bitch all of a sudden?"

"I'm not upset - it's called being informed. You should try it." She smiled brightly up at him, basking in the annoyance that painted his face by her open sassiness. "Also, I might act like a bitch but I could be called so much worse than that."

Mudblood for example. Though it didn't hurt as much as people wanted it to.

"What?" He asked, and she could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he asked the question slowly.

"Yours." She said, still smiling up at him, before mirroring his narrowed eyes. "I could have been called 'yours', and that would have been so much worse than whatever the fuck you decide to call me. Now get the hell out of my face before I show you how my wand works."

He sneered openly at her, before turning around to walk away - his head held high and his back straightened like he had just put her in her place or whatever.

"Wow Nene, you were being a bitch. Congratulations!" Ginny said, lifting her hand for a high five.

"Oh, thank you Ginny! What a beautiful alias to have gained." Hermione grinned back, high fived the redhead and leaned back onto the carpet where she stuffed another chocolate frog into her mouth, savouring the taste.

March 31st, 1995

It was like the entire month had disappeared after her pleasant conversation with Viktor. It was like she did nothing but have classes, do homework, do homework in study sessions and take naps at inconvenient times and places. She had yet to manage to fall asleep in classes, but she had come awfully close once in History of Magic… That subject really did something for her ability to shut her brain off.

If she even managed to pass the class this year, she would be extremely surprised.

Apart from that, she did everything in her power to ignore Draco and Pansy, but it was almost like they did everything in their power, to show up in front of her every goddamn time she was trying to hide from them.

They were just there.

It was almost like they did it on purpose.

More than one occasion had she gone to the library to get some silent studying done, only to find one of them pressed against a bookcase right near her table.

Let's just say she didn't get much work done that day, because she was out of there so fast.

Then there were the classes they shared together… Luckily, in potions they always sat behind her, so she didn't get to look at them. But care for Magical Creatures and Astronomy were something entirely different.

It was like they were glued at the fucking hip. She was simply always touching him. Sometimes it was kind of funny to think of, because of the normal stereotype where a guy had nothing between his ears but tits and ass and would do everything in their power to be touchy…

But that seemed to be all Pansy. He simply didn't seem to care. Hilariously enough, she had even seen him bat her arm away once.

She had almost spit out her pumpkin juice across the table that day.

But then she saw him carefully take her hand later that day, and her heart broke all over again. How broken could one's heart be in the first place? It didn't seem like her heart had any limits.

That night, she had cried herself to sleep again, while cradling her wrist and bracelet to her. Like it was all new and fresh.

I think I really like you.

May 22nd, 1995

"It… It's starting to get to me, Daphne." She said quietly one Monday evening, while she was sitting with the girl in their classroom. Hermione felt sad and heartbroken, and she had tried to ignore it for so long, but she couldn't do it anymore.

She was at her wit's end, and she didn't know what to do anymore.

"I know. I'm sorry." Daphne answered in a small sad voice. "I know I haven't known you as long as Theo and… Well, I can tell that it's hurting you."

"Did I… Was it something I did? Did I do something wrong?" Hermione could feel her eyes starting to burn as she looked up at her friend. She didn't mind Theo being there whenever hard topics came up, but she found herself thankful for the fact that he had plans on this one particular night. "Was I… Too forthcoming, or something? Too enthusiastic? Please tell me what I did because I don't want to hurt anymore."

Daphne moved closer from where she had been sitting at the other side of the table, and clasped Hermione's hand between both of hers.

"You've done nothing wrong. I know that - I was there the entire time. And I think he was starting to see it too… I know Pansy did. I think she could also see it in Draco as well."

It was like she was struck by lightning. Someone she had thought of as a friend, had nicked someone from right under her nose, fully aware that they had been slowly falling for each other.

"Then why - why would she do that?" She choked.

Daphne sighed hard and started caressing her shoulder. "What you need to remember about Pansy is that she is raised from the old standards. She's a Pureblood girl from a good family, and he's a Pureblood boy from a very good family. He's a good catch to say the least. She had already set her mind to dating him, marrying him, birthing his heir - all that dung, and she never thought you would be an issue because she thought you to be a muggleborn."

"She thought he wouldn't sully himself…" She choked involuntarily, "with me."

Daphne nodded sadly. "That's why she reacted the way she did at Christmas."

"So, she took her chance…"

Daphne nodded once again. "I'm not entirely sure… I haven't spoken that much to her… But I do think she's trying to shove it in your face. I've tried to talk to her about it but she just pretends to be oblivious, saying that it's not her fault that you walk in on them."

"Bloody fucking hell, I could strangle her. And Draco doesn't say anything about it? Is that it?" She had long since stopped choking and tearing up, now she was just angry.

Angry and upset.

"In case you don't know this, you're a very silent walker. I don't think he knows how much you've seen."

Hermione was at a loss for words. He didn't know? Was that it?

"I don't… I don't care what they're doing… I really just don't want to look at it…" She trailed off, hurting once again.

"I'll talk to Draco. He needs to see what he's doing. Voluntarily or not." daphne said confidently.

She didn't know what to say to that. Did she want Draco to know, that she knew? How much she had seen?

She wasn't a stalker, that wasn't it. But it felt wrong nevertheless.

But then again… She was hurting. And she didn't know how to stop it. Maybe this was the only way to go about it?

May 26th, 1995

Hermione was walking into the library to pick up a book on Transfiguration, when she heard hard whispers as she neared the bookcase she needed. She was just about to turn around and find some other book that might help her, when she recognized the voices.

Theo and Draco.

She would have turned around and left the library all together, if she hadn't heard her name.

Now she was frozen to the ground, as she listened in on a conversation she didn't want to be a part of.

"Hermione doesn't want to talk to me." Draco whispered furiously, like this was something they had talked about repeatedly.

"And why not, do you wonder?" Theo's voice was so low she could barely hear him.

"I…"

"Did you know that every fucking planned snogging session you guys do, is somewhere that Hermione always passes by like fucking clockwork?"

A strangled noise emitted from Draco, yet he didn't say anything.

He must have said something she didn't hear, because Theo answered him: "Not every time, but enough of them."

"Listen, I don't give a shit what you think you're doing with Pansy - but don't fuck Hermione over in the process. She's too good and she's hurting. If you can't handle her and give her what she needs, then step aside and watch someone else do it for you."

Silence.

"And that someone's… You?" Draco's voice sounded strained, but angry.

"Right now, no. But if she ever found me worthy of that kind of attention, I wouldn't be opposed."

The sentence had barely been out of Theo's mouth before she could hear commotion, a loud crack and a groan.

As Hermione heard the sound of Madam Pince's heels clicking on the stone floor, she found her own feet and left the library as quickly as possible.

But the next morning, Theo was proudly sporting a black eye.

And Draco ignored a bandaged hand while Pansy leaned into his side, also being completely ignored by him.

She didn't look too happy about that, which ultimately made Hermione happier than she'd like to admit.

May 31st, 1995

Hermione was sitting in the Astronomy tower, looking out over the Black Lake and the Forbidden Forest. It was so nice and quiet today.

She was absolutely knackered. Knackered and exhausted in every humanly possible way. She felt stretched too thin and was just waiting for the breaking point by now.

Classes were insane.

The teachers were drilling them on as hard as possible, and she sometimes felt like she was barely holding on. Other times, she was being dragged behind a herd of Thestrals.

Then there was the extra class she had started taking with Professor Snape after the semi-forced trial period. 'Advanced Potions' was what he called it, and he hadn't been lying. She loved it, but it was definitely challenging.

But apart from classes and extraordinary curriculum classes, there was the entire aspect of Harry and William preparing for the third and final task of the Triwizard Tournament. They did what they could to not work on it together - or be seen doing so - but sometimes it was inevitable. They did go to the same school after all, had grown up together, shared a friend and sister, while also having to use the same library.

So, when she wasn't surviving classes and exam preparations - both made by the teachers and self-made - she was training with Harry. They knew by now that they had to find their way through a maze… Easy enough? Sure, but they didn't know what they would meet there. So, they prepared for anything.

As a start, they went running every morning because his cardio needed to be on point. Then came the defensive spells, offensive spells, lumos, accio, point-me-charm - everything.

He needed to know everything, and so they drilled. And drilled. And drilled.

They went to bed exhausted every night, and woke up exhausted.

Honestly, she could not wait for this year to be over.

Needless to say, today was the first time in a long, long while that she had had the opportunity to get up here. Just sitting. In silence.

It was so nice.

What Hermione hadn't expected, was not being able to sit in peace and quiet for very long. She had been there for all of thirty minutes, when she heard someone walk up the staircase. She released a small sigh, and let her head lean back against the pillar.

Hopefully, it wasn't someone looking for her.

Hopefully, it was just some other random student, also looking for solitude.

… It wasn't.

"I thought you'd be here." Draco said, as he sat down beside her frozen form.

She couldn't speak, and didn't know what she would say if she could.

Leave?

Get out of here?

Leave me alone?

Her mind was screaming the words for her, all while begging him to stay. To please come closer.

He wasn't touching her, but sat cross-legged at a 'comfortable' distance from her. She drew her legs up and hugged them to her. Anything to get further away from him.

"You haven't taken any of my notes." He said barely above a whisper, but she didn't answer him. Couldn't.

She knew she hadn't taken his notes. She had been so sad and so hurt, that she had simply chosen to ignore them. It had been easier.

"I'm going to read them to you, since you won't take them." He said, even as she shook her head no.

She heard the sound of parchment being rolled out.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Please talk to me.

Will you come study tonight?

Meet me at the tower tonight?

Please, I'm sorry.

His voice cracked and she almost stopped him. But she couldn't.

Hermione. Talk to me, Please.

Tell me how I can fix this.

I want my best friend back. Please.

I miss you.

A tear rolled down her cheek. Then another.

I'm sorry, Hermione. I ruined everything.

Please let me fix it.

I'm sorry.

"Stop." She choked.

I'm sorry.

Please don't ignore me anymore.

I'm sorry I hurt you.

"Stop."

I'm sorry I'm hurting you.

I talked to Theo. Can I still fix this? Can I fix us?

I'm so sorry.

I'm leaving you alone now. I'm sorry.

A small sob escaped her, and she leaned her head harder into her knees as she shook slightly.

I can't leave you alone. I'm sorry.

I'm going to the tower tonight. Please meet me there. Please.

She heard the rustling of parchments as he took them back to wherever he had taken them in the first place.

"I have a lot to be sorry for, and a lot to apologize for… But I'm not sorry for what I said to you that night. I meant every word of it."

She didn't know what to say to that, so she chose to talk about something entirely different. "I almost had my first kiss that night." She choked at the memory of how close they had physically been together. Their chests heaving against one another. Sharing the same air. "With you. But then Viktor almost stole it from me. He was so angry that I had been alone with you out there."

Though she and Draco weren't touching, she could still feel him tense.

"But we didn't…"

"No. We didn't." She sighed. The sun was going down, painting the sky in different hues of pink, orange and blue's.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry. I wanted to so badly, but Pans -"

"Yes. Pansy. What a night you had Draco." She snapped, "Going from one girl to the next must have been bloody hard for you, huh?" Angrily, she stood and walked to the railing where she stood gazing out into the world. Anything to not look at him. To not be able to touch him.

She heard him stand, heard him take a few steps before suddenly stopping. If she stood up fully, right now, and turned around. He would without a doubt, be standing right behind her.

"I fucked up, okay?! She pulled me away from you and suddenly she was right there and pressing against me! I couldn't help it! I tried to push her away, but I-"

"You did what boys do." She whispered. Tits and ass. A tear rolled down her cheek again. An angry one this time.

"I like her too. But not that way and I don't know how to-"

"Yeah?!" She said, or maybe it comes out as more than a shout? A snarl, maybe? She wasn't sure as she whirled around to face him. He was exactly where she thought he would be, and she bristled at him while tears rolled down her flushed cheeks. "Well, maybe I liked the way it felt when you held me?! Maybe I liked the way it felt when I could almost kiss you… when I still had a bloody chance! Maybe, just maybe, I had gotten used to me being the one whose hand you'd hold. Or the one whose knee you'd bump your own into. Maybe I liked it, when it was me you looked at like that. But now… you love her. Her, Draco. And I'm not her. And It's been a bloody year now, and I can't do this anymore. I can't - I can't Draco." She shouted, whispered and cried until there was nothing else, she could say. Almost. "I can't look at you, looking at her like that. I can't. Not anymore."

And then she left, because she couldn't stand to listen to his excuses anymore.

Not anymore.

Author note:

Song for this chapter:

Someone you loved - Lewis Capaldi
Is it really me you're missing - Nina nesbitt
When I was your man - Bruno mars
Champion - Elina

playlist/1P5krpjY9txJkVXx1kTMJO?si=aa47171deb0f44fb