A/N - The downside to choices made while writing SIMP means NOT getting to cover these specific angst-filled scenes.

I know this story has been written and rewritten probably a hundred times, but it was churning in me so strongly that I had to just let it out and throw my hat into the ring for #101... besides, I came very late to fanfiction so maybe I get a pass? ;) Plus a few things have always bugged me about THIS situation. For one, how DID Finn learn about Jesse's return before the prom? Safe assumption (Kurt), but the show didn't tell us. Also, once he learns JSJ is back, how would that torment him? And TBH that part of the story was all I intended to write here, but this whole piece sort of avalanched on me a little... So this entire piece will be told in FOUR CHAPTERS. Hope you don't mind! Part 3 should be up in a day or two since it's pretty much done.

So yeah. Here's my take on an oldie but a goodie!


IDENTITY CRISIS :❓❓❓: PART ONE


Summer Before Sophomore Year...

"Hudson, Puckerman! Front and center! Take a knee."

"Yes Coach!" Both boys call out simultaneously.

"Among all the misfits in this land of broken toys, you two are the standout diamonds in the rough. You also seem to have good instincts while working together. Puckerman, you've got speed and agility, good weaving techniques, and are pretty good at catching AND keeping the ball. Wide receiver, first string."

"Alright, yeah! Coach, the Puckzilla won't let you down!"

"Yeah I'll believe it when I see it." Then he turns to Finn. "Hudson. You've got the making of a rocket launcher hanging off your right shoulder and you can throw a damn fine perfect spiral when you keep your focus. You see the plays several steps ahead, you can take a hit and shake it off but you think on feet and make smart changes as needed. You've got the best instincts and leadership potential on the team right now." Coach turns to the rest of the team and gives them all a hard stink eye. "You all have a job to do on that field, and for most of you, the number one priority is to follow your leader and keep him covered. Gentlemen, meet your new starting quarterback. Don't screw it up Hudson!"

"I won't, Coach!"

. . . . .

"Can you believe Tanaka called us both out like that? We are gonna RULE the school, dude! Especially you and your rockstar Q-B status. You're gonna have to beat the babes off with a stick! Panties, they will be droppin'!"

"Puck man, I'd just be happy to have a winning team... so I guess all the pressure is gonna be on me to carry that load, huh?"

"Don't worry brother, I got your back – always. Now let's go find a party, the Puckasaurus needs some action tonight and I don't wanna waste this first string status. Let's go see which hot piece of ass will have the privilege of getting some of this tonight!"

:❓❓❓:


Two Weeks Later...

"So you gonna ask Queen Bee out or what?"

"Puck, man, I told you. I've been so busy learning this offensive play book and like, studying and stuff trying to maintain a C average in all my classes, plus I'm working on my driver's license and I have chores and xBox... I really don't even have time to date, dude. Besides, she seems a little outta my league."

"You kidding me? She's been eye-fucking you from across the field all week at practice. San said she told her she's been wondering what the hell is taking you so long to make a move already. Dude, you better do it pretty damn soon – or else I will!"

"But it's Quinn Fabray. Head cheerleader."

"Exactly brother – and you're the starting QB. It's kinda meant to happen man, you're a shoo-in. Man just look at her, stretching and shaking that fine, tight little booty in your direction... She's just begging you to put some honey in her comb, know what I mean? Hudson, don't be a dipshit!"

"Fine. I guess I could ask her to go to Azimio's house party this Saturday."

"That's more like it! High five!"

:❓❓❓:

First Week of Sophomore Year...

"Puck, why are we driving around with the damn door open? You mom's gonna kill me if I have to tell her you died falling out of a moving minivan."

"Relax bro, I'll be fine, as long as Adams up there doesn't cut the corners too tight! Anyway, it's strategic: We can get better aim this way than we do just leaning out a window. Oh SWEET! C'mon boys, everyone have their eggs? I see a prime target on approach! That freaky chick in the toddler's uniform is ripe for the picking! Oh shit, look, she's got a sweater with ducks on it today! Huddy, grab your egg man. Ready..., aim..., FIRE!"

"Oowww, baby! Did you see that sucker explode on her leg? That's gonna leave a mark! Shit, it was almost as good as the one that hit her in the shoulder!"

"Yeah Karofsky, good shot there... but ah, I'm a little more worried about why our STAR quarterback seems to have such shitty aim today, seeing how he overshot and totally missed her by at least two feet... what gives, Finnessa? Q sucking all the testosterone outta you? Or didja wear out your throwing arm jacking off last night?"

"Dude, fuck off. It's nothing... H-hayfever. I felt a sneeze coming on, it distracted me."

"Yeah, right! You sure you ain't just losing your magic touch, Hudson? Maybe you're just all show and no throw. Or maybe that hot blonde piece of ass of yours has your balls in her purse today?"

"Shut it, Karofsky."

What the fuck's wrong with these guys? Wasn't Puck's slushie attack on her on Wednesday enough? I mean, bad enough she walked around with wet blue-stained clothes the rest of the day. I'd love to tell them to knock their shit off but then MY house would be getting attacked with pee balloons and flaming shit bags. And I really don't wanna know what it's like to take a 40oz sticky ice bath up my nose... shit. Some leader I am.

:❓❓❓:

The Following Week...

"I don't even know who the chronic lady is! ... I've never seen that before, Mr. Schue, I swear! It's not mine! I'll pee in a cup!"

"Look, it wouldn't make any difference. Possession is eight-tenths of the law. I'm pretty sure that much pot is a felony. You'll get kicked out of school. You'll lose your football scholarship... You could land in prison, son."

"Oh, my god. Please, don't tell my mom."

"I see a lot of myself in you, Finn. I know what it's like to struggle to make good life choices. And I don't want to see you throw away everything you have to offer the world. I just expected more out of you, Finn. We have two options here. I'm running detention now, so you can do six weeks after school. But that's gonna remain on your permanent record."

"What's the other option, Mr. Schue?"

:❓❓❓:

I can't believe I kissed Rachel Berry.

What's worse, I can't believe I creamed my shorts while kissing Rachel Berry. Jesus if word gets out, the guys'll pummel me. I might as well throw myself in a dumpster, or connect a fire hose to the slushy machine and turn it on myself.

You'd think now that Puck's in Glee along with a bunch of the other Cheerios and jocks that things would be gettin' easier, but they are so NOT. The rest of the guys on the football team still give me shit about it. Even Quinn still harps at me all the time trying to talk me into quitting – despite the fact that she's in glee with me now too.

Quinn.

Shit. I guess I kinda cheated on her with that kiss. But ever since I met Rachel I just can't shake her. It's just been this growing, building, thing and I feel some kinda connection with her that I don't have with Quinn. I don't understand it myself.

I mean yeah, Rachel is WAY different than anyone else in the whole school probably, but I think that's what I like about her. She's confident, and really smart. She looks at me like I'm this awesome stud which feels super great. She tells me she believes in me and that I'm a leader which is so cool (although I don't know how true it really is). Her cookies are super awesome too. Also her skirts are super short and her butt is smokin'. So's her tight hot little body. Oh god... mailman. . .

Puck said last summer his mom made him go to some week-long family retreat thing with their synagogue, and Rachel was there too. He said he saw her at some Yoga for Yids class, and that yoga is probably why she looks the way she does, but she buries it under those ridiculous animal print sweaters and leg warmers. He calls her sneaky hot – and he's not wrong. I just didn't have the balls to tell him I like the way she dresses. I like that she doesn't flaunt herself the way all the cheerleaders do.

Quinn doesn't dress too revealing either (well, 'cept for those wicked hot little cheer outfits), and I like that about her too... but she dresses like that I think because of being all into Jesus and whatever (which probably means I'm stuck at second base indefinitely).

Plus Quinn doesn't treat me the way Rachel does. Rachel's always telling me how smart and talented I am – I mean, nobody is more talented than Rachel. So either she has like, a secret brain tumor, or she really means what she says. It makes me feel good, but also pretty nervous at the same time. It's like I don't wanna disappoint her or something. . . not that I need her approval, but still. It feels really good to get it just the same.

And her voice... man. It's like nothing I've ever experienced when I hear her sing. And listening to Rachel's voice really is an experience; something to look forward to, something to remember forever, to treasure and be thankful you got that opportunity to hear. She's just incredible. I think I'm falling in love with her.

Maybe it's time to consider breaking things off with Quinn.

:❓❓❓:

My life is over. I'm sixteen years old and have just officially been inducted into the Lima Loser club for the rest of my life. How can I do this?! How the hell did I even let this happen? Well I mean, okay, I didn't think that it did happen, but she's pregnant now, so it must've... Dammit, me and my stupid lack of self control! I really thought being in swim trunks in a hot tub woulda been safe though. GAHH, what am I gonna do?

:❓❓❓:

I fucking hate EVERYONE! Fuuuuuck! My life is such a fucking mess! How could Puck pull this shit on me? So much for bros before hoes and having my back always. And Quinn? That lying bitch... wine coolers?! Seriously? Yeah sure. Fine, whatever. He can HAVE HER! They deserve each other. Fucking backstabbing liars.

But that kid... how am I gonna get over losing that kid? I know it wasn't my first choice to be a teen dad, but glee wasn't exactly my choice either and I grew to like it a lot. Maybe even to love it. And after all these months I was falling in love with the idea of that little girl in my arms, or sleeping on my chest. I was really starting to picture being at her dance recitals and kindergarten graduation, and teaching her how to play drums and how to kick a guy in the nads where it hurts the most and how to drive a stick shift and... well whatever. She's not mine. I loved her anyway. . . I still do. Guess you can't just turn that off – and I know, because I keep trying.

And those rotten traitor so-called friends of mine who all knew and yet said nothing. I can't face any of them, especially thanks to the HOT TUB shit going viral. The whole damn club can just fuck off. I'm so humiliated... wonder if there's like, teen witness protection programs for people like me? I could get a new identity and change schools...

But if I did that I wouldn't get to see Rachel everyday. Maybe that'd be for the best though. She probably thinks I'm Grade A certifiable LOSER and complete idiot by now anyway.

:❓❓❓:

Jesse St James is a fucking DOUCHEBAG. He looks like a douche, he acts like a douche, he talks like a douche and I wanna pound his smug face in everytime I see his smirk and his creepy hands all over her. Of course, if I was half the man Rachel (used to?) think I am I woulda just stayed with her in the first place. Guess I have nobody else to blame but ME... again.

:❓❓❓:

Why the hell did I do it? Oh right, to make her jealous. To improve MY status and rep. Yeah that worked out SO WELL. If I would've just taken like, one more day to chill out and think this through, maybe I woulda realized what a bad idea it was.

Maybe I should've talked to Rachel about everything first. I should've really laid my feelings out there and not played along like, 'okay sure, we can just be friends'... instead we sang that fucking HOT Madonna mashup when all I wanted to do was pin her to the top of that piano or like, slam her against the stacks in the library and tear her clothes off and just SHOW her... GAHHH she just gets me so worked up!

And okay maybe I could've even just literally WAITED for her, for just a little longer, because I just know eventually St Jackass is gonna show his true colors. That snake. I mean c'mon, he's in Vocal Adrenaline, it's kind of inevitable I think. He's probably gonna break her heart (and when he does, I'm gonna break his face).

If I had just waited I'd still have my v-card and I wouldn't have given something to Santana Lopez to lord over me for the rest of my life. WHY AM I SUCH AN IDIOT?! And to think I actually listened to her bullshit plan about making Rachel jealous... How stupid was that? Yeah I know. I don't even deserve Rachel's time of day anymore. But dammit I miss her.

:❓❓❓:

"Break a leg."

"I love you."

I'm gonna make it work this time. I have this second... err, third? Fuck, maybe it's a fourth chance... whatever. I'm still gonna make it right. I just can't lose her again. SHe's mine and I'm hers, like the song said... Faithfully.


I gotta wonder who I wronged in a past life. Santana Lopez is a fucking BITCH.

And Rachel... my beautiful, sweet, loyal Rachel... right. She chewed me up and spit me out and FUCK NOAH PUCKERMAN! I guess the first beatdown he got last year just wasn't enough?! Maybe he prefers the taste of lockers better. I mean no, I didn't actually break any bones (unfortunately) but still... a good face slam into a locker gets the point across just the same.

Why couldn't she just like, understand? WE WEREN'T EVEN TOGETHER AT THE TIME! And she KNOWS what this would do to me. She had to know there was no coming back after this right? And yet she did it anyway. Promises broken, trust broken... like my heart... whatever. Guess there's just nobody I can truly trust in this world 'cept my mom.

But seriously, why the fuck does everyone keep doing this shit to me? I mean, I gave her everything... my whole heart. I loved her in ways I didn't even know I could. And the bitch of it is, just like with Beth, I can't just shut it off. But fuck if I'm not gonna try. Her lips on his lips. His hands on her body, him in HER BED...

Oh god... I'm gonna be sick again.

:💔💔💔: