Luke was an impulsive person. He didn't try to be, but it was part of growing up on Tatooine. People who were patient died of thirst in the desert because everyone got the water before them. Instincts kept people alive, so Luke hadn't understood why his uncle scolded him for not thinking things through.
Uncle Owen told him that he thought with his heart instead of his head. Luke got very passionate about things. He didn't make arguments based on logic and facts. They were based on feelings. It was why his fights with Uncle Owen got so heated, because Luke didn't know how to react calmly when the discussion was about something he cared about.
After getting to know Anakin just a little bit, Luke realized that he had gotten it from him. A part of him felt proud to have something in common with the great Jedi Knight. The other part of him remembered the nightmares, and the screams of the Tuskens as the lightsaber cut them down, and he felt sick at the similarities.
For the first time in his life, Luke wondered if acting impulsively wasn't the best thing to do. If he should think about potential consequences before he was haunted by them. The problem was, he didn't know how to be more careful. He had thought that the Jedi would help him, as they all acted so serene and besides Anakin they seemed to have a decent handle on their emotions.
Or maybe Luke could learn a thing or two from Leia. She was just as passionate as he was, but she could make her passionate arguments sound reasonable, rather than the immature, almost whiny tone that Luke couldn't help but use when he was in an argument.
But being in the Jedi temple meant there was a risk of running into Anakin, and Luke's heart couldn't take it. His father's rejection made him feel numb, and if he saw Anakin and the man walked away from him, the numbness that was acting as a shield over his emotions would fall away and he'd either fall to despair, or give into his anger.
Luke wasn't normally afraid of his emotions, but he'd had enough of sadness these past several weeks, and Luke didn't want to give in to his anger. He'd seen where that path brought Anakin, and he was scared of going that far. Just how much like his father was he?
And while he wanted to stay with Leia, and he thought he could learn a lot from her, he was afraid of that too. She and those senators hadn't endorsed slavery, but they had talked about conspiring with slavers. Luke thought it was a very slippery slope, and he was afraid that if he learned from Leia then he would start to think that way as well. He didn't want to ever justify slavery for the 'greater good'.
He couldn't stay with the Jedi. He couldn't learn from Leia. Not because there was something wrong with them, but because he didn't trust himself and where he'd end up if he relied on them so completely.
Luke left the Jedi temple, knowing where he wanted to go, but not sure how to get there. He walked the streets, somehow ending up on the lower levels. Things were shadier down here, but Luke felt more comfortable. Everything felt more real and familiar down here. He didn't have to see the smiling people, but sense their darkness. Here, the things that Luke saw were the same as what he sensed. And it reminded him of how things were on Tatooine.
Everybody was deceitful, but that meant that in a way you could trust them, because you knew they were going to stab you in the back. It took away the doubts and questions.
Luke just kept walking. He didn't know if his instincts were telling him where to go, or if it was the Force, or if they were one in the same. He just somehow knew that if he kept walking then he'd eventually end up where he needed to be. Whether he knew it because it was the truth, or it was because it was what he needed to believe, he wasn't sure, and he didn't want to think about it.
Luke passed arms dealers, spice traders, mechanics, and protestors. They were all the exact same kind of people that he would meet on Tatooine. Why didn't people talk about this part of Coruscant? He wasn't even that far down, and he wasn't looking too hard for it. It was right in front of him. Anybody would see it if they didn't close their eyes.
Luke finally stopped when he came across a docking bay, and it looked like they were preparing a ship to head out into space, and he knew that this was the chance he'd been looking for.
Aunt Beru had always said that he had his head in the stars. She told him that was fine, as long as he didn't let his dreams keep him away from the life he already had. She warned him that if he always longed for more, then he would never be happy with what he had. She advised him that instead of running from a situation that he didn't like, he could instead try to improve it.
Luke hadn't liked the moisture farm, and he couldn't do anything to improve it because he didn't know what was wrong. He just knew he was unhappy. Going into space and finding somewhere new was the only solution he could see. Now, on a new planet with a new set of problems, Luke saw the same solution, and this time he didn't have his aunt there to pull him back and make him reconsider.
Luke didn't bother looking for the captain of the ship. If anybody was bound to follow the rules and protocols, it would be the captain. Luke needed to find someone in charge who could look the other way and do something questionable. Who he was looking for was the head engineer.
Luke found her easily enough. She was a nautolan with bluish purple skin and long tendrils that she kept tied back. She was doing some last minute checks on the engine. They probably had it recently repaired. Luke could use that to his advantage.
She looked busy and irritated, and not in the mood for polite conversation. That was fine. Luke wasn't in the mood for that either. He got right to business.
"I need a job." Luke said. She didn't even look up at him.
"Do you need money, or a free ride off the planet?" She asked tiredly. He clearly wasn't the first person to make such a request. Maybe this place really was like Tatooine. There were always young and desperate people begging pilots to let them stow away on their ships. But Luke wasn't going to beg. He was going to bargain.
"Neither." Luke said. "I need a ride, but I can work for it. I'm a good mechanic."
"I've heard that before." She said. She finally turned to give him a look over, eyeing him up and down. He saw her gaze go to his hands, which were rough and calloused. A sign that he worked with them in some capacity.
"We'll see." She stepped to the side, giving Luke a view of the engine. She gestured for him to step closer. "We just got her fixed up. Can you tell me why?"
She quizzed Luke for about ten minutes, asking difficult and trick questions, but Luke knew what he was talking about. He knew ships well. Even old ones from a time that wasn't his own. The engineer hid her feelings well, but Luke thought she was impressed.
"Alright, I think we've got a deal." She said. Luke smiled, relieved and a bit proud of himself. He knew that his mechanical knowledge wasn't just boasting. He was capable. She held up her hand before he could get too excited. "But I've got some rules. If you've got trouble looking for you, I'll sell you out without hesitation. And you're not part of the crew. We're not adopting snot-nosed kids. You're just working until we can drop you off. If you've got somewhere specific in mind, it had better be close or on our way, or else we're dropping you at our earliest convenience."
Luke considered for a minute. "I want to go to Tatooine."
There was a spark in her eyes, and Luke felt hope but he also put up his guards. He knew that look. It was the kind of thing that Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru had warned him about. It was a look he saw whenever people found out that he was a Skywalker. The child of a slave.
She thought she could sell or trade him into slavery. But she'd take him to Tatooine. Luke knew that planet like the back of his hand, and it never changed. It was the same now as it was in his time. He would get away from her, away from the ship, and to the desert. He would be able to keep himself safe.
This was a risky and probably stupid plan. Uncle Owen would ground him for life if he knew that he was purposefully putting himself in a dangerous situation. Aunt Beru would probably never let him leave his room again. But they weren't here. All Luke had was himself, and he needed to trust that it was good enough.
Luke had arrived when the final checks were being made for take-off. There wasn't really time for him to change his mind. The nautolan gave him a simple job to do while she met with the captain, and then he was left alone in the engine room as the ship started to depart.
Luke wasn't really feeling good, but the hum of the engines was comforting, and having a menial task to do to keep his body and mind busy grounded him and made him feel stable for the first time in weeks. As he worked he felt a mental nudging in his mind. Leia. She was trying to reach him.
It was tempting to let her in, but he knew that as okay as he felt right now, she would probably feel the lingering hurt that he was carrying with him after leaving lunch and his interaction with Anakin. She would come after him, and he didn't want her to. She deserved better than to be burdened by his feelings. He reinforced his shields, keeping her out as much as he wanted to let her in.
She backed off for a few minutes. They started flying and Luke's stomach churned with mixed excitement and nervousness. He'd never actually been in space before. This was a new experience for him. He wanted to cling to the excitement, but he just felt bad for running away. But what else was he supposed to do? He didn't belong on Coruscant any more than he belonged in this time.
Leia was furious. Luke was ignoring her. She didn't know him well, but she knew it wasn't like him. She was worried that she had insulted him and his intelligence. Was he mad about the slavery thing? Probably, and he had every right to be. Leia had been so caught up in talking to her dad that she'd ignored how Luke might be feeling.
He came from Tatooine, a planet practically known for its slavery practices. He probably knew people who had been slaves. Of course he would have taken the issue more personally. She should have taken that into consideration instead of lightly scolding him for not considering the bigger picture.
Leia knew she could have done better, but she wasn't arrogant enough to think that she was solely responsible. He hadn't been fine when he'd left the diner, but he hadn't been so bad that he would close himself off from her completely. When she had desperately prodded at his shields, he'd still pushed back, even though he was the one so afraid of being alone because of shielding.
He was relying on it now, even though he'd been scared to even try it yesterday. Something had happened. Something more than their disagreement.
Leia wasn't mad at Luke. She was mad at whatever had caused him to close himself off like this. She looked for him everywhere in the temple. Their room. The Halls of Healing. Obi-Wan's room. The docking bay. Luke wasn't anywhere, and nobody had seen him since he'd left that morning. Nobody, that is, except for Anakin.
Leia found Anakin doing some repair work on his droids. He felt distant, and probably didn't want to be bothered, but she had never let that stop her before. She asked about Luke, making him frown.
"I saw Luke earlier." Anakin said. There was a look of righteous regret in his eyes, like he had done something that he believed was for the greater good, but he wasn't too happy with the consequences. Leia wondered if that was what she had looked like to Luke when she'd tried to argue with him about the Hutts. Just how much did she resemble the man that may be her biological father?
"Is he okay?" Leia asked.
"He was upset." Anakin said, and that was not what Leia wanted to hear. "I probably made things worse, but it'll be better for him in the long run. He'll understand one day."
Leia shuddered. She didn't know why, but she felt a chill in the way that Anakin talked about the greater good. "What did you do?"
"I closed off my connection to him." Anakin said. "As though it never existed."
Leia was horrified. She didn't understand Force bonds,, but she understood enough. She knew she had a connection to Luke. Even when he was blocking her out she could still feel it. He'd been relying on that connection these past few weeks, finding a small amount of comfort through the act of just reaching out to her.
Leia suspected that Luke had reached out to his father as well. He'd been seeking comfort from his family. Leia was trying to provide it, and Anakin didn't even try. He just cut Luke off, depriving him of even the hope that Anakin could save him from his pain.
Leia had probably made Luke doubt that he could rely fully on her, and this act from Anakin had to have been the straw that broke his back.
Leia felt an unfamiliar rage and fear over her. Oh, she got mad and scared frequently, but not like this. She had control and restraint over her emotions, but now they got away from her. She felt a dark feeling build up in her chest, squeezing so tight that she felt like she couldn't breath. She looked at Anakin, who believed he had done what was best, and she saw red.
"How could you?" She growled. Anakin looked at her, his eyes hardening into a look of caution. "Do you have any idea what you've done?!"
Anakin frowned. "I know it probably hurt in the moment, but Luke's been vulnerable to my emotions. Last night he had a nightmare about something I've done. That is supposed to be my burden to bear, and now he's stuck with it too."
"So why did you push him away?" Leia threw her arms out, exasperated. She didn't register the sound of shattering glass. "Whether you like it or not, he has this burden now too. You should be carrying it together, and instead you think it's a good idea to continue carrying it alone, leaving Luke behind as he's forced to do the same. That's not fair!
"What do you want me to do?" Anakin asked.
"Talk to him!" Leia shouted, her voice coming out much louder than before. "You keep hurting him because you keep pushing him away." Leia thought that Luke deserved better than Anakin, but he still needed him. As much as Leia hated it, Luke needed his dad. And he needed her too.
Leia wanted to scream. She wanted to shout, and cry, and give in to her emotions. But that wasn't who she was. That wasn't how she'd been raised to be. Leia had been taught control. But a part of her wanted to be like Luke. To have passion, and sensitivity. She wanted both. Calmness and knowledge, as well as compassion and sympathy. She wanted to fight for those she cared about, but not so much so that she burned all her other bridges. There had to be something in the middle. A balance.
Leia took a deep breath. She didn't really feel calm, but she didn't feel like she was going to explode.
"You can ignore him if you want, but I need to find him." Leia said. "Can you help me?"
Anakin closed his eyes. He seemed to be concentrating. A moment later his brow furrowed. "I can't feel him."
Leia crossed her arms. "That's what happens when you block him out."
"No, I mean I can't feel his presence at all." Anakin said tensely. "Unless he became a master at shielding overnight, I should be able to sense him if he was anywhere nearby."
Leia felt fear grip her heart. "What does that mean?"
Anakin's mouth thinned and he looked concerned. "I think it means he's not on Coruscant anymore."
Leia felt like she should wonder where he was, and why he would disappear so quickly. She had a pretty good idea though.
Leia had been desperate to talk to Bail because she wanted her family. She felt lost, and she wanted to go home. Of course Luke wasn't different. He didn't know that Leia might be his sister. He'd tried to talk to Anakin, and he was rejected. If Luke was feeling alone and was desperate to go home, then he might do just that.
Leia gave Anakin a hard look. "You're taking me to Tatooine." It wasn't a request. If Anakin had been the one to scare Luke off, then he would be the one to help her get him back. Anakin didn't look impressed, but he didn't put up a fight.
"You're not giving me a choice, are you?" Anakin sounded both annoyed and amused.
"No, I am not." Leia said. With or without the Force, she knew a lot of tricks of manipulation, and she wasn't afraid to use them. Her father probably wouldn't be impressed, but he wasn't here right now, and Leia was doing what she felt was right, even if it wasn't the wisest thing to do. Because she knew that Luke would do the same thing for her.
