Shu'Shuk
Author's Note: This is a gift for Sinvulkt on ao3. :)
~ Amina Gila
"Your animal is a weakness," Sidious hisses, standing over him, "And a distraction."
Vader keeps his head bowed, not looking up. He knew this was coming. He – he tried to warn her, but that wasn't enough to keep Shu'Shuk from hissing or snarling whenever Sidious did something that upset either of them. She's stubborn and defiant. Anakin had loved her for that. But – but everything is different with the Empire. With Vader.
He isn't Anakin any longer. He never can be again. That life was lost to him, and there is no going back from here. Nothing can change what he is now.
She doesn't care.
Well, she does – she's angry at him, but that hasn't made her any less loyal.
"And a Sith," his master continues, "Cannot be weak."
Some Jedi thought that, but it was a natural thing. Nothing gave Anakin more gratification than fighting alongside her. They were two halves of a whole, and he'd feel so relaxed when they flew together. He might've been heavy, but she could carry his weight. Now, though, with as metal as he is, she'd never even be able to take off.
"What is your... request?" Vader asks finally because he's playing at something Vader doesn't understand. Request is definitely the wrong word. Order is far more appropriate.
"It would be easy for adversaries to use your daemon against you," Sidious continues, "This is a threat we must eliminate."
He feels sick.
The Jedi took everything from him, but not her. She's always been right by his side, following in the swirl of sand of his footsteps, snarling whenever someone threatened him, curled around him after he left his mother. She stayed beside him as he mourned Shmi and Qui-Gon, as he mourned the loss of countless of his friends during the war.
She was there when Ahsoka left, when Rex was away. Sat by his side, curled around him after Obi-Wan left him on Mustafar.
She might be broken, too, but she stayed.
He doesn't want to lose her. He couldn't survive without her. Literally. She's all he has.
But Sidious isn't giving him a choice. And Vader is his now, the same way he was once the Jedi's, and Watto's and Gardulla's before that. He doesn't get to choose.
But his daemon is the only anyone he has left anymore. Padme and his child are dead. Obi-Wan left. His boys were all killed at the Temple. He has no idea where Ahsoka and Rex are now.
"She can be an... ally in battle, Master," Vader protests finally. It's the most he can come up with, even if it's not his place to be saying that in the first place.
He feels the way Sidious' anger coils sharply in the Force.
Vader flinches, bracing himself. Even if the slightest twitch is agonizing in the suit he still has yet to learn to walk in properly. His daemon has been there for him through that, too.
"A Sith needs no such ally," Sidious hisses, "All you require as a Sith is your anger and anger and fear. They fuel the Dark Side. Your daemon weakens you."
He can't argue that point. He has to be the best Sith he can be because he serves Sidious now. But he can't lose his daemon. Not that he's being given a choice. Sidious will listen to nothing that he has to say. And it's true that the only reason he wants to keep her is because it's the only thing he has. Because he's terrified of losing the only one he's always had. Nothing to do with making him a good Sith, and Sidious knows that. "I... understand, Master," Vader intones, gaze still on the floor.
"Its loss will only fuel you in the Dark Side, as a Sith," Sidious goes on, "Now is not the time for it, but I have learned a way to sever the connection without it harming you."
Because losing one's daemon would literally kill them.
Vader feels cold all over. And sick.
Sidious already knows how to break that kind of bond? That means... his daemon can be taken away without it affecting him. It would be good, and he'll be forced to live on with nothing, with no escape.
There's nothing he can say or do to argue with that. Nothing will make it better. It's only a matter of time now.
Did Sidious kill his daemon? Is that why he doesn't have one?
Vader doesn't risk saying another word - doesn't want to push Sidious to do it any sooner. He's never been as terrified of loss as he is at this moment. He can't imagine always forever being entirely alone like that.
Sidious shifts closer to him, and Vader barely keeps himself from flinching again when the Sith reaches for him, his fingers touching Vader's upper arm. He can hardly feel it through the armor, but the pressure is enough.
Vader freezes, barely daring to breathe. Not that he can breathe on his own, anyway.
Palpatine used to touch him all the time. But this isn't a touch Vader wants anymore. This isn't Palpatine, his mentor and friend. It's his master. He can't move away from him, no matter what he does, and that's half of why he wants that touch gone. He is Sidious' now. He can't deny him anything. Has no idea if the touch is supposed to be in comfort – the way Palpatine would do it - or something that means possession now. It feels far more like the second.
No matter what happens between them, no matter what kind of consideration or not Sidious may show him now, Vader will never forget the pain of the lightning crackling across his still-burned skin. Never forget the agony of it, or how Sidious mocked him while it was happening.
His daemon had tried to stop Sidious. Had nearly eaten him. Ever since then his master has been furious with her. Maybe that was where it all started.
"Sith are only loyal to their masters, so long as they show strength," Sidious reminds him. It's not sharp the way he's said everything else, but the meaning cuts far deeper anyway.
Sidious wants to be the only one Vader has. He's the only one he's allowed to have.
"Yes, Master," he says because it's all he can say.
The Sith finally steps back from him. Vader would have breathed out a sigh of relief if he could control his breathing at all anymore.
He still feels sick and terrified and empty when Sidious finally excuses him. The first place Vader goes is back to where his daemon is waiting.
The dragon used to be gold, but it's turned black now, after Mustafar. Everything that happened there is engrained into his mind everywhere. He and Obi-Wan had been fighting, and they'd both fallen off one of the collapsing structures, towards the lava rivers below. His dragon had gone for Obi-Wan – like Vader wanted – saving him from falling. Vader had landed at the edge of the lava, too close to get away. The fire had caught him before he could do anything to escape it. Obi-Wan's daemon – a Tuk'ata – had pulled him out. And then Obi-Wan left him.
His dragon is in his quarter where he's staying in Sidious' compound in the Works. She stands when he comes in, her tail swishing as she looks down at him. She's his height when she's sitting, and even taller standing, but she can still make herself fit in fairly small spaces. Not that space was ever truly a concern at the Temple.
"Shu'shuk," Vader says, approaching her.
She's – he can't begin to say what she is to him. His other half. How is he supposed to live with her gone?
"Anakin," she says, blinking down at him. She refuses to call him by any other name, regardless of how much he loathes it. He's not Anakin anymore, and Vader doesn't want people to look at him as if he is. He can't be that person anymore, even if he tries, which – he isn't. He can't be when he doesn't have his family to make him who he was. "You're upset."
"I warned you not to antagonize Sidious," he says bitterly. He warned her. He tried to stop her, but she did it anyway, and now, they're going to be ripped apart. They're going to lose the very thing that ever made him a person, and there's nothing he can do about it.
He doesn't want this.
He's terrified. Sidious might be right that having a daemon is a weakness, but Vader doesn't even care. He just wants her. Not to be away. Not to have to live in constant, overwhelming fear of his best and only friend, his best and only anything being ripped away. He can't live like this. He – Shu'Shuk is all he has.
He hadn't given her a real name for years. Apocalypse had been the closest to the right word he could think of, until the Clone Wars, and he learned a bit of Mando'a from the clones. That had been when she finally got her name, the one she'd always needed.
They'd been so excited about it.
His family might be gone, but he still has her.
Vader doesn't care if it makes him weak.
Maybe it'd be easier if they did just die in this process, whatever it is Sidious intends to do. He'd rather. She might not deserve it like he does, but it'd be easier. Knowing their bond was still intact is what kept him alive so many times. Both throughout the war, and even after. Sometimes, even before.
Having her gone would mean he has – nothing.
"Oh, and?" she snips back, tail flicking. "Sith hold grudges. He should thank me. I gave him power."
She's not being helpful. Vader genuinely cannot tell if she's trying, or if she's intentionally trying to aggravate him. "He is going to take you from me," Vader not-quite snaps, and she freezes.
"He can't do that," she argues, "He'll kill us."
"That would be preferable," Vader snarls at her. He doesn't hate her, but he also really does because she should've known better. She could have let them stay together, but – but she didn't. She didn't choose that.
"Don't be cynical," she scolds like that's something to help. But she hasn't really helped in a long time, either, has she? He's hurt. Bitter. Empty.
"I am not," he snaps back, "Of what gain would it be for me to live with you gone?" It's not as if he has a family left to live for. Never will again.
Shu'shuk steps closer, nuzzling her head against his shoulder. It takes an edge off the anger, but that only leaves him feeling even more empty. Vader reaches up, lightly touching her scale-covered head. Far more for her benefit than his own, because he can't feel any of it. Hasn't been able to feel any sensation but pain or the coldness of his armor against his skin ever since Mustafar.
And this is hardly the environment to take his suit off enough for Shu'Shuk to be able to touch him – he doesn't even care that the touch would hurt his damaged skin. He wants it too much, wants someone to be with him, but soon he won't even have that anymore.
The tears that well in his eyes sting his skin when they fall, not that he cares about that. There's nothing that doesn't hurt anymore.
"We don't know that Sidious knows how to do it," Shu'Shuk says, finally.
"He does not have one. He must have rid himself of it somehow," Vader replies, bitterly.
"You are different," she points out, but he can feel the fear from her. She doesn't want to die, to disappear into nothing either, but she's still too stubborn to stop defying Sidious, "You are half Force. Shattering a bond like ours would be different than for normal beings."
That's true.
Vader doesn't want to hope that'll mean he'll get to keep her, though. Doesn't want to be wrong, only for her to be ripped away. Maybe Sidious will kill him while trying. Then he'd... know what freedom is for the first time. It doesn't sound so bad. Or bad at all, to tell the truth. He wants to be free, even if he knows he doesn't deserve it.
Shu'Shuk nudges his shoulder again, obviously sensing his train of thought. "Remember the sun dragon," she says, softly.
He doesn't want to think about it. Doesn't want to remember the times he believed he could be free, be strong enough. He has more power as Vader than he ever did as Anakin, but what good is it when he has nothing left to fight for?
Well, he does. The galaxy needs it, but he – he doesn't want to have to be all alone to do anything for it. Wants something for himself for once, even if that's selfish and he definitely doesn't deserve it after everything he's done.
"You're the dragon," Vader tells her, tired and bitter at once.
She's the one who's always strong, who's too defiant to be broken. Maybe it's because he's the one who gets hurt, not her. But still.
Now, whatever he is, whoever he is, if anyone at all, has been burned to ash. His mother had told him many times, in another lifetime, that he was the sun dragon from Tatooine legends, with a heart of fire, the one strong enough to protect all those he loved. But that – wasn't true. He was never able to live up to what she wanted him to be, to who she believed he was.
Vader doesn't know what he is, but he's not free. He never will be. He's alone.
He's – he's Sidious's slave, and nothing more. There is nothing else he can be.
Author's Note: In case anyone prefers a happier ending, Shu'Shuk probably eats Sidious before he can complete the ritual to destroy her and I think in Vader's case, killing her *would* kill him, too.
Also plot twist. Sidious didn't kill his own daemon. Plaguies killed it, and that's why Sidious is so mean. :)
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