All is Lost Again (But I'm Not Giving In)

Summary: Not long after a night out with Eddie and Christopher ends on an unusual note, Buck soon finds himself questioning reality as weird things begin to happen to him.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters associated with 9-1-1

Author Notes: So this is my first (published) adventure into the 9-1-1 fandom. I'm extremely rusty when it comes writing so I'm still trying to get my groove back. This is also a bit of a slow burn story since the main "plot" doesn't really hit until the third chapter. Please, bear with me... I promise I'll try to make it all worth it!

Set after Season 6 but started BEFORE Season 7, so do with that information as you please.

CHAPTER 1

Buck smiled as the bustling Friday night atmosphere of the diner they were currently seated in only added to the look of wonder on Christopher's face, who was already amazed by the retro style surrounding him. The way his eyes lit up as he took in the 1950's theme embellished in every aspect of the establishment; from the uniforms worn by the staff, the black and white photos hanging along the walls and even the construction of the booths, he seemed to be loving it all.

He watched as Eddie reached over Chris to browse through the selections of the miniature jukebox that was attached to the table next to the window, bringing out even more questions from the little one's inquisitive mind as they waited for their food.

"Is this what things were like when you were growing up, dad?"

Buck almost choked on his drink from laughing as he watched Eddie slowly turn toward his son, eyes wide with disbelief.

"Excuse me?! Exactly how old do you think I am?!"

Buck couldn't help but throw his head back and burst into a full blown laughing fit at his best friend's high pitched, almost whining response to his son's question.

"Come on dad," Chris started trying to catch his breath between his own laughs. "You're like.. REALLY old!"

"Yeah Eddie, you're getting on up there in age." Buck said as he wiped a tear from his eye. "In fact, are those grey hairs I'm seeing?"

In a feat that Buck didn't think was possible, Eddie's eyes widened even more, a hint of fear showing on his face as he grabbed his phone and turned the camera to selfie mode to search his hair.

"What?! WHERE?!"

Both Buck and Christopher erupted into another fit of laughter at Eddie's panic, as well at the confused look of the server who took that moment to bring their food to their table.

"We got him again!" Chris managed between the laughs, reaching out across the table to high five Buck.

"Yeah we did!"

Eddie rolled his eyes as he returned his phone to his pocked, then nodded his head in thanks to the waiter as he placed his plate in front of him.

"You're lucky you're cute." Eddie sighed as he grabbed his fork and began to attack his salad.

"Aww thanks Eddie! It's nice to know you care!" Buck smiled as he picked up his burger and gave Eddie the biggest grin possible.

"I was talking about Chris. Chris is the cute one. You…" Eddie began deadpanned but then tacked on a smile, "are incorrigible!"

Buck placed one hand over his heart, rolled his eyes and leaned his back feigning heartbreak, which finally earned a laugh from Eddie. Chris just rolled his eyes and shook his head as he took a bite of one of his chicken tenders.

"You guys are weird." Eddie just smiled at his son's response then wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close and hugging him tightly which quickly earned a cry of protest. "DAD!"

Buck smiled at the scene unfolding in front of him. The warmth he experienced while spending any amount of time with the Diazes filled him with so much joy and this display only added to the love he felt for his extended family.

"Thanks for this Buck." Eddie said, bringing Buck's mind back to the table. "This is just what we needed."

"Yeah, thanks, Buck!" Chris chimed in a moment later.

"Absolutely buddy!" Buck said with a huge smile. "I knew you were having some trouble with that history project so when I heard you knocked it out of the park, I figured it called for a night of celebration!"

"That was all thanks to you and dad."

"You did the work bud." Eddie smiled. "We were just there for support."

"Exactly, Chris. Your dad and I will always be there for you."

"It's true. Other than me, I think Buck is your biggest cheerleader." Chris laughed at Eddie's comment as he dipped a few of his French fries into some ketchup. "What's so funny?"

"Buck as a cheerleader, wearing a skirt!"

"What, you don't think I could pull off the look?" Buck asked while grinning at Christopher. "I'll have you know I think my legs would look great in a cheerleader outfit!"

It was Eddie's turn to now be surprised enough to almost choke on his water, barely able to put his cup down.

"Jesus, Buck!" he barely managed between the coughs.

"What? You know it's true! Don't even try to deny it." Buck propped his head in his hand as Eddie tried to hide how his face was starting to blush and couldn't help but just get lost in the features of his face. He smiled when Eddie's eyes met his and then watched as he shifted his gaze away quickly. However his smile quickly turned into a frown when he noticed that Eddie had seemed to be staring into space with a slightly disturbed looked painted across his brow. "Eddie?"

"Hmm?" Whatever daze Eddie had been in, Buck's voice brought him back to reality.

"Are you okay dad?" Chris asked, apparently also picking up on the change in Eddie's demeanor.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He replied, the smile on his lips obviously forced. "My mind was playing tricks on me for a second."

Even though he wasn't completely satisfied with the answer, Buck decided to drop the issue for now.

The rest of the evening passed without incident.

Buck and Eddie all ears and smiles as Chris talked about his school project, strategies he and his friends were developing in their upcoming Fortnite matches, and whatever other plans he had hoped to accomplish over the weekend.

After they all had finished their meals, Chris asked if they could get milkshakes for dessert. Buck of course obliged because how could he say no to those eyes, despite the fact another set of eyes were now boring holes into his head. Eddie may have been trying to play the role of "strict parent" in this situation but in reality, he had no problem with Buck spoiling the kid rotten.

With dinner now at an end and time to pay, Buck grabbed his wallet from his pocket and started to slide his way out of the booth. Before he could make it out, Eddie reached out and stopped him with his hand on his arm.

"Hey, let me take care of it."

"No way, Eddie. This was my treat to you and Chris. I got this."

"Buck." Eddie's stern expression and dark brown eyes left Buck entranced. "You drove us here, and if you're so adamant about paying for dinner, the least I can do is walk your card to the register."

"Fine." Buck smiled as he passed his credit card to Eddie but did not let it go right away. "Don't try anything funny when you're up there. I know where you live, Diaz." He let go of his card with a laugh before turning his milkshake glass upside down to finish its contents.

"I certainly hope so since you're driving us home." Eddie chuckled as he slid from his spot and made his way to the front of the diner to pay, leaving Chris behind in yet another bout of laughter at the ungodly amount of whipped cream Buck had all over his nose thanks to downing what was left of his milkshake.

Buck was too preoccupied with Christopher wiping at his face to notice how long Eddie had been away from the table and only finally realized when Chris glanced in the direction of the front.

"Who is dad talking to?"

Taking a second to fully wipe the mess away from his face, Buck turned to follow Chris' gaze and immediately found Eddie, back to them as he talked to another man wearing jeans, a burgundy tee shirt beneath an unbuttoned black suit jacket.

"I uh, I'm not sure."

Even from a distance, something seemed off, and his brow furrowed in confusion as he tried to study the man's features. All he could tell for certain was that he seemed to be roughly Eddie's height with jet black hair and possibly emerald green eyes. However his visual inspection ended almost as soon as it began as the mystery man seemed to smirk at Eddie before turning to exit the building.

Slowly Eddie turned around to prop himself against the counter with the registers, using both his hands to brace himself, as if he was trying to compose himself, before he finally started walking back towards the table.

As soon as he arrived, Buck quickly took note of how pale and almost frightened Eddie seemed and to be honest, it made him very on edge.

"Eddie? You okay? Who was that?

"Yeah. I-I am good. And it was no one. Just a case of mistaken identity is all." Eddie tried his best to put on a brave face but Buck could tell something was definitely out of place. Especially how after Eddie returned Buck's credit card, he wrapped his arms around himself and began swaying slightly while staring out into space. Before he could question it further, Eddie somewhat snapped out of the daze he was in. "You know, it's getting late. We should probably head out."

"Uh yeah, O-okay." Not once did Buck take his eyes off of Eddie as he slowly slid from his spot while Eddie helped Christopher to his feet and handed him his crutches. Eddie was hiding something. He could deny it all he wanted but seeing how unnerved his best friend was made the feeling in the pit of Buck's stomach push him to the brink of nausea.

The short walk from inside the diner to Buck's jeep, which was in one of the accessible parking spots near the entrance, only seemed to cause an increase in Eddie's anxiety. Buck noticed how he seemed to be searching the area, for what he wasn't entirely certain, but the fact that Eddie was walking so much closer to Chris than he usually did, a hand on his son's shoulder was all the evidence Buck needed to know that something was wrong.

"Dad, you're hurting my shoulder." Chris's cry made Eddie realize just how much of a grip he had, not realizing that his knuckles were almost white from the amount of force he had applied.

"Mierda!" Eddie cursed under his breath as he released his hold on Chris. "I'm so sorry mijo."

After he opened the rear passenger door of Buck's jeep, Eddlie gently lifted his son into the back seat trying to flash him a reassuring smile as he made sure Chris was strapped in securely. Buck watched from where he had propped himself against the front of his jeep as Eddie cupped Christopher's cheek in his hand, stroking his face with his thumb, a gesture that was becoming increasingly rare the older the boy was getting. Chris must have also picked up on Eddie's anxiousness because he in no way attempted to discourage the gesture.

"I love you so much. You know that, right?"

"I love you too, dad." Chris's voice was soft as he locked eyes with his father. Eddie gave Chris a gentle pat on his cheek before removing his hand and closing the door.

"Eddie.."

"It's fine Buck." Eddie snapped before Buck could even form a complete thought. Without another word, Eddie opened his door and slid into the seat, leaving a bewildered Buck alone with his thoughts as he watched through the windshield while Eddie buckled himself in. Buck sighed as he rubbed a hand over his face, then made his way to the driver's seat of his jeep.

The ride back to Eddie's house was a silent one, and the tension in the air was still thick enough to cut with a knife. Buck knew not to press the issue further. He didn't want to risk an argument with his best friend, especially since Chris had managed to drift off to sleep in the back seat. Risking a glance to his right, he noticed Eddie was slightly turned away from him with his head propped against the window. Buck could vaguely see Eddie's eyes in the reflection of the window, looking extremely pained. Had this been any other night, he would've taken the risk and reached over to rub Eddie's shoulder. But not tonight, not when something had clearly shaken Eddie to his core. He knew in time Eddie would talk to him. When he was ready.

Pulling into the driveway of the Diaz home, Buck pulled into his usual spot next to Eddie's truck. Switching off the engine and removing his keys, he once again looked over at Eddie as he unbuckled his seatbelt.

"I'll get the door while you get Chris." Buck smiled as softly as he had spoken when he looked into the backseat as the younger Diaz was fast asleep with his head drooping into his chest.

As quietly as possible he exited the jeep, then grabbed Chris's crutches from the back seat and made his way to the front door while he sorted his keys, finally coming to his copy of Eddie's house key. After getting the door open and switching on the nearest lamp, Buck placed the crutches against the back of the couch just as Eddie crossed the threshold with Chris in his arms. While Eddie quickly made his way down the short hallway to Chris's room, Buck once again played the role of doorman and quietly closed the front door before returning to the couch and propping himself against the back. A few minutes later, Eddie was slipping out of Christopher's room pulling the door closed quietly behind him then joined Buck in the living room.

"Did he wake up at all?"

"No. He's out cold." Eddie said, allowing a small smile to come to his lips. "I didn't have the heart to wake him up so he could change into his pajamas."

Buck halfheartedly returned the smile, but it didn't last long. And Eddie noticed.

"Buck. I'm sorry about earlier." He began as he started to cross the distance between the two. "For biting your head off for no reason. I mean it. I really am sorry."

"Eds, are you okay? And please. Don't lie to me." Buck lifted his head to meet Eddie's gaze, hoping that he could fight back the tears of worry that he thought would start falling if he wasn't careful.

"I don't know. I hope so." Eddie sighed. It may not have been the answer Buck wanted but at least it was the truth. "I will be. After I get some sleep."

Buck stared deeper into Eddie's eyes, hoping to somehow unlock whatever secrets that had Eddie so on edge, despite the smile Eddie was giving him as a sign of reassurance. But he found it hard to see beyond the beautiful brown irises staring back at him, belonging to eyes he would love to get lost in for hours on end under any other circumstances.

"In that case I should…"

"Stay." Eddie interrupted him before he could even finish.

"Wh-what?"

"Stay here. Tonight. With us." Eddie rubbed at the back of his neck, seemingly fighting to find the right words. "I'm sure Christopher would love waking up and having you here for breakfast in the morning."

"Thanks, Eddie…" Buck let out a small nervous laugh, completely taken off guard by Eddie's proposal. "Any other time I'd be more than happy to take you up on that and crash on the couch. But I really do need to head home tonight. I've got a few things I need to take care of before our shift tomorrow."

Eddie just nodded, almost sadly, as Buck slowly made his way to the front door. As soon as he had it opened, he turned to look back at Eddie.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Tell Chris I love him."

Before Buck could turn to leave, Eddie took him by surprise by walking over and wrapping his arms around Buck, pulling him into a tight hug.

"Be safe out there, Evan."

It took a moment for Buck's mind to register what was happening before he fully returned the embrace.

"Uh y-yeah, sure. I always am."

"I know." Eddie started before he broke the hug, moving one hand to Buck's waist, the other firmly on his shoulder. "But just be extra cautious. Please. You're too important to us. Chris would be devastated if anything happened to you."

Buck tried not to worry, but something in the back of his mind was telling him otherwise. Before he could say anything else, Eddie backed away and smiled at him again.

"Goodnight, Buck. Drive safe."

"G-goodnight, Eddie."

The sound of the door closing and the locks clicking behind him as Buck made his way back to his jeep was almost deafening. As he slid into the drivers seat with his hands on the steering wheel, he fought with himself about running back up to Eddie's door and taking him up on his offer, just so his friend would have peace of mind regarding whatever was bothering him.

In the end he decided against it, deciding to head for home and hopefully get his head on straight regarding all the feelings and emotions that were coursing through his mind at the moment.

Starting the engine and backing out of the driveway, Buck began the trip to his apartment. What he didn't notice was the SUV parked across the street, completely unaware of the green eyes that watched him from a distance as he drove away.