"...Hey, Dad"
"At last, you picked up the phone!"
"Oh... I'm sorry... I"
Mort sighed. "No worries kiddo, I had not intended to be a nosy parent with you... I have never been one, and I have no intention of been one now"
"... I guess Chilli already told you what happened..."
"She told me you two had a fight, an ugly one at that, but she didn't give me any details"
Brandy gulped... why you must be so noble, Chilli?
"I reckon she said some ugly things to ya, because she didn't looked just hurt, but ashamed... And I can smell you also said some hurtful things to her...hence your silence"
Mort could only hear silence, at the other side of the line, and then a sigh.
"So, you are ashamed of what you did yet you're convinced you're right, don't you? … You still react like in your teens, hon..."
--
Brandy had avoided her dad all the morning.
She went to the shower while he and Chilli were having breakfast.
She went to have her breakfast while he was helping the little one with her school stuff, and so on, but now she couldn't keep doing it, they were alone and with nothing else to do but speak.
Besides, she was nervous and her stomach full of knots; Chilli had gone to school...without her.
She was at the front yard, absentmindedly looking at the road.
"Chilli will be just fine, mate...", said Mort resting his weight against the fence, like she.
"...You sure dad?"
"Yeah... its not the first time she goes without you, besides, the bully was suspended, and she can go to her teachers in case she needs anything"
"But she doesn't talk to them"
"That only makes it better"
Brandy raised a brow questioningly.
"...If you keep speaking for her or resolving everything for her, she'd never find her voice again, Brandy"
"Oh."
"And about what happened yesterday..."
Brandy looked at the floor and moved her ears back...feeling already chastised.
"Im proud of you for protecting your sister".
She looked at her father with a timid smile.
"And I like to know you are capable of phisically defend yourself or Chilli..."
Her tail wagged gently.
"...Yet I do not approve the form in which you did it, you know better than to resort to sheer violence..."
Her shoulders slumped again.
"Dad... I feel I was right defending Chilli, she got no one else in the school, and I feel it was right to hit that girl, I had no other way to stop her... but Im ashamed too..."
"C'me here my girl", Mort said while opening his arms.
Brandy buried herself in her father's hug.
"What are you ashamed of?"
"I... I... enjoyed punching that girl, actually ...and I know 'm not like that, dad... I don't know what happens to me"
Mort breathed in deeply.
"I think I can understand it... you are hurting and grieving Brandy...we all are..."
She sniffed into his fur, she didn't want to cry, but her fathers kind voice was tugging at her heart.
"...If someone would harass you or Chilli in my presence, I don't know if I could avoid to just punch that someone...but you are my daughters, that's the difference".
Brandy looked up to him, with her eyes brimming with tears and questions.
"She is your sister, and you should care for her as the good older sister you had always been, and no more..."
He sighed...
"Mum is gone Brandy...but you don't need to be Chilli's Mum, you are free from that responsibility. I know you had been coping with the pain by caring for Chilli with much more intensity than before, but you can't assume that role, it will not do good for you..."
By now the girl was crying into his fur, her petite shoulders trembling.
He lifted her chin gently, so he could look at her in the eyes.
"You are just thirteen years old, Brandy... you are far too young to be a Mum..." he said with a tender smile. "Yes...Mum is gone, but even if Im sure she cares for you from afar... you both still have me...", he sighed. "...And I promise to give my best to the both of you, always".
Brandy tightened her embrace on her father and wagged her tail while sobbing.
"I love you dad!", she said.
--
Chilli was sitting in her customary place at the school's playground. Beside her, Frisky wagged her tail in amazement.
A horse was appearing in the sketchbook, line after line, by the gentle yet secure tracing of Chillis hand.
"I see you are very relaxed today", commented the Spaniel. "Are you not afraid of bullies?"
"I am"
"Oh"
"So?"
"Dunno..."
"My grandfather loved horses, at least that's what my Mum told me once"
Chilli stopped abruptly; her attention completely fixed on the other girl... waiting for something.
Frisky's shoulders slumped, and she looked at the ground.
"He died one month ago, on England...I don't remember him, it's like if I had never known him... but my Mum...she cried a lot, she still does it, you know?"
Chilli inhaled deeply; she felt her heart on her throat.
Without even noticing, she had enveloped the other pup in a crushing hug.
"You sure you are ok, Frisky?", she said without letting go of the girl.
"Yeah...although it pains me to see my Mum so sad"
"Then give this hug to your Mum on my account..."
She could feel Friskys teary smile on her cheek; both their tails wagged softly.
"Ill do"
Maybe it was ok to talk, and maybe not all the hugs she had received when her mother died where just for superficial pity...
Maybe Im finally picking up, she thought.
--
"Dad... Im not ready to call Chilli yet"
"I had thought so... Im not asking you to do it kiddo... the only thing that I ask from you is that you try to heal, even if you need to take some time to do it..."
"..."
"You are shutting yourself from people, Brandy... I know when you grieve girl, I can smell it, and you are grieving again..."
"Oh...Im not dad, Im just..."
"Oh, you are... you are grieving because of your failed marriage and because of your fertility issues, while your sister has found true love and has kids of her own, so, you can't take care of her to distract yourself from pain... besides you are uncomfortable around the kids, because they remind you of what you want and cant have right now...Im right?"
He heard Brandy laboured respiration at the other side of the line.
"...Dad..."
"I'm right?"
"... maybe..."
Mort sighed... his daughter pain hurting him as if it was his own pain...
"Please Brandy... heal yourself, you know how to do it..."
A moment of silence.
"I will, dad... I'll do"
--
Mort guided her teen daughter to the couch and went to prepare a cup of tea for her.
"This is what we will do", he said, sitting across from her. "Once you return to school, you'll go to see the students psychologist"
"...Dad!!"
"Yes, you'll do!"
"But I have you, I'll be fine!"
"I'm honoured by your trust, but I'm merely your father, not a therapist, kiddo!"
"Second", he continued "Well both help your sister learn to fend for herself and to find her own voice again"
Brandy nodded ruefully.
"And third... I have a present for you"
"A present?"
Mort smiled. Brandy's tail had begun to thump against the couch at the mere perspective of a gift.
"I know you avoid remembering your Mum, but she did this for you almost thirteen years ago..."
He passed a notebook to her, it was pretty, it had hard a cover, very much like a book.
"She begun to write this for you when you was born, at the beginning she wrote every day, then she did it occasionally and she stopped at your first and half year of life or so..."
"Why did she stop?"
Mort chuckled warmly. "You learnt to walk, kiddo..."
Brandy let escape a little chuckle "Ohhh... I see..."
"You don't need to read it right now... you, just do it once you feel ready ok?"
"Ok... thank you, dad".
--
Damn! Dad is right...
She was crying miserably, when she remembered her mother notebook.
Was she brave enough to read it?... well, she needed her Mum right now, after all... It was about time she read it.
She went to her bookcase and took the loved volume with her and climbed into bed; she opened it haphazardly.
"My dearest baby.
You've turned one year old!
How time flies, Brandy... I still can remember your first movements in my womb, my precious little girl.
Do you know that my love for you is the greatest thing that have ever happened to me?
A mothers love is such a beautiful thing, even if your dad and I give you brothers and sisters someday, my love for you will never diminish... my love for you is so big, that it will accompany you always, even if you can't see me...
Even after all my days in this world came to an end... my love for you will always be alive and with you...
Within you...
This is your birthday, and all I want for you is that you became a happy and healthy grown up, brave and free to be her own woman.
My work is to give you the tools to do it.
Your work is to build yourself with them... but for now, don't worry, you just have to play and learn, leave the rest to Mum and Dad.
I'm already so proud of you!
I love you Brandy, more than words can tell".
Brandy sighed, and then, breathed in deeply, once, twice, tree times.
She wiped away her tears
"I'll pick myself up, Mum", she said, holding the notebook over her heart.
