Bandit closed the door behind his brothers.
It had been an eventful evening, as should be expected with the tree Heeler Brothers gathered under the same roof, and a myriad of dirty glasses and empty bowls and dishes to wash, were the consequences.
Chilli smiled at the sight of Bandits happy grin.
"Thank you for having my two brothers today, babe..."
"Aww, Bandit... they are my family too! Besides, we agreed that you'd do the dishes after, so Im a happy woman!"
He chuckled. "The girls are sleeping... Maybe we could postpone the dishwashing so I can make you even happier...", he whispered into her ear, as he hugged her.
She giggled. "Do the dishes!", she said while getting free from his embrace. "We can... be merry together, after you do", she added with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.
"Yes boss!", he replied, his tail wagging enthusiastically.
Suddenly, Chillis phone notified an incoming message.
Her shoulders slumped. She sighed heavily and sat at one of the kitchen stools.
Bandit left the dishwasher unattended and went to her side. "What happened, love?".
"... Brandys birthday was yesterday..."
"Oh...Chilli..."
He embraced her, and she rested her head in his chest, trying to get some comfort from his warm fur.
"I sent her a message yesterday... not too much, just happy birthday... she just texted a thumb up right now..."
"It's the third year it happens the same, doesn't it?", he observed.
"Yes... we have not spoken to each other since that fight we had..."
"Are you holding a grudge against her?"
"No... I'm not... Its just... I'm tired Bandit. Its a strange feeling, since before our fight I had this sensation that whenever I'm happy I need to be careful around her, to avoid hurting her...and yes...I may be still angry at her because what she said... I know her, she knows that she said a pretty hurtful thing; that's not classic Brandy you know? My sister would have tried to make amends right after!"
"...Well... to be fair, the Chilli I know, would have tried to get her sisters attention to get things right, long ago..."
She looked at Bandit in the eyes and sighed.
"Wasn't you mad at her also?"
"I was, that's the key word...and mainly because she made you upset"
He sat beside her and took her hands in his, stroking the soft fur of her knuckles. She looked at him, searching for more answers.
He breathed in deeply.
"I...I kinda understand Brandy, you know? I mean... I love our girls; they are the best thing that had happened to dogkind, but... I can see where Brandys feelings come from..."
He looked at her in the eyes with kindness, knowing that he may awake too sad memories.
"Do you remember our first visit to the doctor, after we decided to try for a baby again?"
She sucked air in... oh...that had hurt...
--
"Im sorry to say this to you... but judging by the time you had tried with no results, your latest studies, and your medical records... plus, the prenatal loss you had before... Im afraid it's almost impossible for you to get pregnant Mrs. Heeler".
Bandit squeezed her hand.
She felt like going dizzy... or was her heart that was dizzy? As if she was at the edge of a precipice... at the edge of a feared dark place.
She was taken aback and wordless.
"Almost impossible or impossible, doctor?", she heard Bandit's voice ask.
"Almost... although the chance is so small, that its bordering in irrelevancy".
She gulped and found her composure. "Thank you for your honesty doctor", she said.
Brandys shoulder had been such a good place to cry on at that time, for she understood her pain all too well.
Despite her doctors judgement, Chillis body ached with the longing for a child... and in her heart, she could feel the loss of two infants, the one she didn't get to know, and the one destiny seemed to deny to her and Bandit.
Every month was a weird kind of roller coaster, first there was illusion and daydreaming of soft untouched fur and little paws, and then...the sheer pain of reality, cycle after cycle... during almost five years.
--
"¿Do you remember that occasion in which one of your co-workers invited you to her baby shower?"
She chuckled ruefully. "Yes, she was the newbie...and she was just being polite, Bandit".
"Yet, I refused to accompany you".
"Yes, you even tried to talk me out of going".
He sighed, never letting her hand go from his. "Because it pained me too much to see other people happily expecting for a pup, when we were being denied of that happiness; because my wife, the most loving, caring and intelligent of women, the one who would surely be the best of mothers, was being denied her hearts need..."
He said that fast and looking to the floor, as if he had not yet reconciled himself with that part of their past.
"Oh Bandit..."
"And yet, you went to the baby shower... and you came back smiling and with a slice of cake in your bag".
"Yes... because I was happy for my coworkers happiness Bandit, the fact that we were suffering at that time, didn't mean I didn't want the happiness we craved for, for other women..."
He smiled to her and sighed... "Well, thats something I love from you, but... sometimes you are so instinctively driven to do and to feel the right thing, that you are even above good and evil, Chilli..."
"Im not!"
"Yes, you are... and maybe that's the reason for what I can relate to Brandy better than you do, because I felt a little bit like her back then, and you didn't... I didn't want to be around happy people expecting a baby, you on the other hand, wouldn't mind, you would even share in their happiness, despite what we were suffering... you are a true force of nature Chilli..."
"Have I been unjust to her?"
"I think that that's for you to decide, babe. After all, your feelings on the matter are not wrong at all. But maybe it will do you good to accept she may not be comfortable around the girls for some time... which is very sad but... maybe those are her feelings..."
She sighed.
"Im not prepared to go to her yet...but yes, it will do good to me...maybe I need to let go of the idea of her being the very close aunt I dreamed she would, shell be whatever she decides to be, in the meantime she still is my sister, even if we don't call each other..."
She smiled to Bandit and cupped his cheek.
"What would I do without that beautiful brain of yours Bandit Heeler?"
He chuckled. "You would do just fine! Sometimes what I say it's just what I have learnt from you..."
He stood up and beamed at her. "Now, its late and we need to rest. Ill do the dishes tomorrow".
She smiled. "It's fair".
That night, Chilli looked at her sleeping husband, her handsome features relaxed in a calm smile; his hand entwined with hers even in his sleep.
She let out a little sigh.
How did you do it without Mum, Dad? I couldn't do without Bandit, she thought.
--
Brandy sighed and entered the office.
The calming smell of lavender and chamomile inviting her to relax.
"Hi Carl!", she said to the white and brown English Setter who opened the door for her.
"Nice to see you Brandy", he gestured to the very comfortable couch offering her seat. "How have you felt since our last meeting?"
She smiled. "Better...I even did what you suggested to me, finally!"
"So, you have explored into your memories...How does it feel that for you?"
"It's like... now my own feelings make more sense to me... do you want to hear about what I remembered?"
"Only if you want to tell me".
--
The sun was bright and high in the sky, but a gentle breeze relieved them of the heat.
Mort had brought Chilli to the back yard, Brandy looked at them a little behind.
"...Now, Chilli... I know you are scared about the return of that girl that harassed you not long ago..."
The pup shuddered a bit "Yeah, but Brandy will return to school the same day, so..."
Mort crouched himself to her level and searched her eyes. "Chilli, your sister and I will always protect you, but you need to learn to defend yourself..."
The ten-year-old looked at her sister in bewilderment. Brandy just smiled ruefully to her.
"But-but dad! Im too little and Im not strong enough, and..."
"Ha!", the father interrupted her. "Youre pulling my leg, kiddo. I have seen you climb trees faster than a squirrel and to race your sister, crossing the lake at full speed swim, so don't try to make me believe you're not strong enough cause I'm not swallowing it! … And if you believe you are not strong enough...well, you are wrong! ..."
Mort sighed and squeezed her daughter's shoulders knowing full well how his children had proven their inner strength.
He looked at her directly into the eyes. "You Chilli- you are a heck of a strong girl; you are one of the toughest people I know..."
The pup smiled timidly and wagged her tail at the praise.
"And you must learn to defend yourself, because you dear girl, are worthy of defence".
He stood up and breathed in.
"¿Did you know your Mum and I used to play mocking fight?"
Chilli wagged her tail surprisingly fast; it was the first time she saw his father to speak about their mother in a relaxed way.
"I bet Brandy remembers it!", he said.
Brandy stuttered. "I- I yes, you did...it was fun to see".
Chillis tail dropped a little, she has noticed since some time ago, that Brandy didn't want to remember Mum, because it pained her to do so.
Nevertheless, Mort insisted.
"She was a very petite lady, yet she could outmanoeuvre me anytime, Chilli. Brandy, do you remember what she used to say about it?"
The teen sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, trying to remember, she smiled briefly. "It is more important to out-think your enemy, than to outfight him", that is".
"Right...You must always remember Chilli, to get into physical action, to resort to violence its always the last of recourses... your Mum used to say something on that line also... a yes! - "Nonviolence is a weapon of the strong".
"Uh...ok".
"So, what Im about to teach you it's to be used only in case anything else doesn't work. Your first weapon should be your quick wit and that sharp mind of yours, little squirt!"
He stood up and smiled. "Now, separate your feet a little bit, at the same distance than your shoulders. Good, what Im about to teach you can break the nose of a kid, so use it wisely..."
--
Brandy smiled. "Dad taught her a lot of moves. How to aim for the nostrils and hit with the ball of her hand, how to get free from an attacker's grip with a well-placed elbow under his ribs, and even with a knee to the groin", she chuckled lightly.
"He stayed with us late...but then it was my turn"
--
"Ok kiddos, enough hitting your ol' man for today. I'm off to prep dinner!"
"Awwww!", whined Chilli
"The lesson is not over, Chilli dog! Now it's your sister's turn", he said smiling encouragingly to his older daughter.
The two kids looked at her father and sat side by side once he was gone.
"Soo... are you going to teach me something, Brandy?"
"I think so... but that's up to you, really...", the teen sighed, while putting an arm around the younger pup. "So... Dad told me that you've been going to the school psychologist...?"
"Yeah...its a nice lady", she looked at the floor, as ashamed of herself "…we chat about Mum..."
"Oh...so you speak to her"
"Yes...I don't even know how it happened!"
"And you speak to your friend Frisky too?"
Chillis tail began to wag lightly. "Yeah! Its nice to speak to her, shes a good listener".
"Good, she seems a good friend"
"Yeah, she is!"
"Chilli... you need to speak to others you know?"
"Uh...uhm...why?"
"You need to find your own voice... I won't speak for you always, you see?"
"...That... feels a little bit frightening..."
Brandy sighed, feeling that something precious might get away from her hands. "Yeah... it frightens me too, but I know you can do it... You was very vocal before Mum...before she died..."
Chilli's eyes swelled with tears, so she hugged her sister tightly. "You won't lose me Brandy, never!".
Brandy smiled. "You won't lose me either..."
"Now, if you are in danger, you must call on a teacher, or at least manifest your negative to what might happen, so I want to hear your big girl bark".
"...Mum used to make us bark..."
"Yeah, she did...now let me hear you"
"Arf!"
"Nahhhh... that wouldn't do, thats a kindy's girl bark!"
"ARF!"
"Mhhhh... better, but a teacher won't hear that across the playground"
Chilli's brows knitted in concentration while her tail wagged because of the challenge before her.
"AAAARF!!! - AAARF!!"
"Yahhh! That's a proper big girl's bark!!"
"Really!?"
"Yep, pretty terrifying for a ten-year-old!"
Chilli giggled happily.
Mort smiled, while looking at his daughters from behind the kitchen window.
--
Mort closed the kitchen window and sighed.
It seems to him that his daughters had played on the backyard just...yesterday, and now they have spent YEARS without speaking to each other... it was so painful, but he has promised to himself, not to meddle, they needed time.
He went to his room and looked lovingly at his wife's picture over the night table.
"You wouldn't have wait for them, don't you? I know you well pretty lady; you would have knocked some sense into them somehow... I miss you Saffy, I have never ceased to miss you", he smiled ruefully while turning off the light.
--
That day, he had felt as happy as he had not felt since Saffron's death. To see Brandy helping her sister to grow up into herself, and to hear Chilli's barking had warmed his heart.
"I have not dreamed in almost one month... I just turn off when it's time to sleep", he said to himself and looked at the picture over his night table. "Thanks Saffy... I guess not dreaming is better than having nightmares."
He breathed in, trying his best to fall asleep.
The last rays of sunlight gave the lake a golden glow, so much so that it seemed to Mort that his daughters were swimming in a pond of gold.
He chuckled at the kids' antics, while letting the breeze play with his hair.
Saffron sighed contentedly and looked at him in the eyes, her hand entwined with his.
"Life is good, love", she said.
"Yeah, that is!"
She planted a quick kiss over his shoulder; the mere touch of her snout on his fur sending electric jolts through all his being.
Saffron smirked at him knowingly. He could see her so clearly... the glint in her expressive eyes, every strand of fur, the playful freckles of her delicate snout...
"I remember when we used to swim in this lake alone...", she said in a coquettish way.
He chuckled in the same fashion. "Ohh... it's one of my favourite memories from before we had the girls!"
She sighed. "Same here, mate! … Im looking forward to next Friday you know?"
He racked his brain... Next Friday? …. Oh, the girls' school trip!
He smiled widely and raised his brows. "We will have a whole afternoon four ourselves!"
She caressed his snout with hers, her eyes alight with mischief, her voice touching his very core with promises of delight. "We could spend it making new memories...how does that sound?", she said only for him to hear.
He smiled goofily.
"MUUUUM LOOK!! Brandy can give me a piggyback on the water!!!" Chilli called with childish exuberance.
"OHHHH, I SEE!!! You are such great swimmers, girls!!", she clapped.
He laughed heartily, it never ceased to amaze him how his wife could go from lover to mum and vice versa, in the bat of an eye.
She rested her head on his shoulder.
He rested his cheek on her head and breathed in deeply...
Mort blinked away some happy tears, the fragrance of honey and garden herbs still lingering on his senses...
...It was Saffron scent...
Thank you, Saffy... that was my first good dream since you departed.
He stood up to open the curtains, and stretched his arms while the morning light flooded the room.
It seems Im beginning to dust myself off...
--
Carl looked at Brandy intently, waiting for her reaction, watching for the language of her body and her breathing to speak as much as her words.
"What did this memory told you about, Brandy?", he asked, with his calm and warm voice.
She gulped and breathed in deeply.
"That if I wanted to truly grow and heal, I needed to let my sister go and grow".
He smiled.
"You are starting to dust yourself off, as you told me your mother used to say".
